Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20180113



comedian pete lee, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 801, utah! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, i love you! i love you. welcome. welcome, everybody. thank you so much for being here to "the tonight show!" you are at "the tonight show!" [ cheers and applause ] welcome to -- here's what people are talking about. it came out during a meeting on immigration yesterday, trump referred to african countries and haiti as -- well i can't say the word on tv, but let's say s-holes. [ light laughter ] right after that sarah huckabee sanders went out and got s-faced. [ laughter ] she was like, "oh tomorrow -- tomorrow's going to be rough!" [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: that's right, the president of the united states actually said that about other countries, so to everyone who thought 2018 would be better than last year, that lasted a a whole eleven days. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: so i hope you enjoyed it. [ cheers and applause ] fun while it lasted. actually, he said he wanted fewer immigrants from haiti and africa, and more immigrants from norway. [ light laughter ] even steve bannon was like, "looks like i got out just in time." [ applause ] later, dude. this comes after the white house released a video that shows all the highlights of trump's first year in office. take a look at this. ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. >> steve: i mean, what is going on? >> jimmy: well now let's take a a look at what the democrat released to sum up trump's first year in office. ♪ [ shouting ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: pointing at stuff. >> steve: putting on a hat. putting on a hat was one of the highlights. >> jimmy: yeah. hey guys, the nfl playoffs kick off tomorrow with the atlanta falcons facing off against the philadelphia eagles. now -- [ cheers and applause ] ♪ atlanta falcons, philadelphia eagles. now as you know, at the end of the season they give out most valuable player, but they also give out other awards during the season, sort of like the ones in high school yearbooks, like "most likely to succeed," "class clown," stuff like that. so with that in mind it's time for "tonight show superlatives," here we go. ♪ ♪ tonight show superlatives ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: first up for the philadelphia eagles is jason kelce, he was voted "most likely to be the love child of nick offerman, and haley joel osment." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] next up from the eagles is jalen mills who was voted "most likely to ask his barber for the par three." [ applause ] next up for the falcons is derrick coleman. he was voted "most likely to flirt with himself when he walks past a mirror." [ laughter and applause ] looking good, derrick. next up from the eagles we have halapoulivaati vaitai. he was voted "most likely to accidently awaken an ancient spirit whenever he says his name." [ light laughter ] [ applause ] "houla vatu prota." [ growl ] [ laughter ] next up, from the falcons is eric saubert. he was voted "most likely to be swallowing a watermelon whole." [ laughter ] how are you doing that? amazing. [ gulp ] next up is falcon's starting quarterback matt ryan. he was voted "most likely to prepare for a date by wearing his romance slacks. [ applause ] it goes great with my seduction loafers. [ laughter ] next up for the eagles is wendell smallwood. he was voted "most likely to wink, and say, 'it ain't though,' after he introduces himself." [ laughter ] [ applause ] bigger than average wood. yeah -- >> steve: alright, we got it. >> jimmy: next up for the falcons is matt schaub. he was voted "most likely to be steven miller learning how to smile." can we -- [ laughter ] yep. there you go! >> steve: yeah. [ applause ] next from the eagles we have dannell ellerbe. he was voted "most likely to be a teen who just got their phone taken away." "you guys don't get me." next up from philadelphia is bryan bramen. he was voted "medieval james corden." [ laughter and applause ] and finally from philadelphia we have jake elliot. he was voted "most valuable intern." there you go. i just -- [ cheers and applause ] i'm just here for the experience. that's the superlatives right there. your "nfl superlatives." well guys it's the end of another crazy week, and since there's too much to talk about, instead of giving you a full week in review we decided to put together a little montage, that just focuses on the keywords used this week. it's something we call "this week in words." hope you enjoy. [ cheers and applause ] >> happy new year. >> i'm wondering -- >> what's next. >> i still write 1987 on my checks. >> yeah. >> "fire and fury" is flying off the shelves -- >> and a fire on the roof of trump tower -- >> as well. >> my roof, my roof, my roof is on fire. >> author michael wolff -- >> is defending his depiction. >> the white house is claiming -- >> a grotesque work of fiction. bannon's career -- >> is even harder to find. he not only lost his job, but lost his mind. >> trump came out swinging. >> he is ready to fight. >> because of the book's assertion that he's not very bright. >> uh. >> something to look forward to. >> something that should be evident. >> in 2020. >> vote oprah for president. >> fake it! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a great show tonight! give it up for the the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have got a fun show tonight. we love it when he stops by. he is the star of nbc's "the blacklist," celebrating their 100th episode, james spader is here ladies and gentlemen. >> steve: yeah! >> jimmy: james spader! [ cheers and applause ] plus her new album "camila," is available today, camila cabello is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] love her. and we have great standup from pete lee, ladies and gentlemen, very funny individual. [ cheers and applause ] he's been here before. pete lee is coming back to "the tonight show." guys today is friday and that's usually when i catch up with some personal stuff, you know, i check my inbox, return some emails, and of course i send out "thank you notes." [ cheers and applause ] well, i was -- running a bit behind today so i thought if you guys wouldn't mind i'd like to write out my weekly "thank you notes" right now. is that cool with you? [ cheers and applause ] james, can i get some "thank you note" writing music please? ♪ [ laughter ] unbelievable. fantastic. thank you. ♪ thank you people who joke that they're still writing 2 2017 on all their checks for making me wonder who still writes checks. [ laughter and applause ] thank you steve bannon leaving breitbart. now you're free to pursue your dream job, being the before model for literally anything. [ laughter and applause ] good for him. thank you kim jong-un for turning 34 this week. i really like the theme of your party, "mandatory." [ laughter and applause ] we're having fun. we're having good -- >> steve: yeah, great. >> jimmy: we're having good, and we're having fun. thank you christmas trees being thrown out in the street, for looking like everyone just went through a bad break up with santa. [ laughter ] "get out of here! nothing to do with you anymore. whose stockings are these?" [ laughter ] >> steve: "don't call me a a hoe." ho, ho, ho. >> jimmy: okay. thank you cross country skiing for being the perfect sport for people who like skiing, but wish it took ten times as long, and wasn't fun. : good exercise huh? yeah, you said that three hours ago. [ laughter ] it's really good exercise. ♪ thank you, wearing colorful socks, for sending the message to your shoes, just between you and me, i'm fun. [ laughter ] i don't have any fun socks, though. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: no, normally during the show i wear just normal, yeah -- black socks or blue socks. that's my sock. james, do you have fun socks? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: he doesn't wear socks. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: thank you old apartment radiators for never making the same noise twice. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ mimicking radiators ] >> steve: steamed heat. [ light laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you asking someone to go ice skating, for basically saying, "you want to almost fall down for an hour." there you go, everybody, those are my "thank you notes." we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ sometimes a little thing... can feel like a... big bad thing but then we do our taxes with turbo tax. if you're nervous, they have real, live help you can talk to. hi, turbo tax lady! can i claim a mask as a deduction? yes, if it's required for work. well, goody gumdrops! see, nothing to be afraid of at all. intuit turbotax it's time for sleep number's 'lowest prices of the season' on the only bed that adjusts on both sides to your ideal comfort your sleep number setting. and snoring? does your bed do that? it's the lowest prices of the season on the queen c4 mattress with adjustable comfort on both sides. now only $1199, save $400. plus, 36 month financing available. ends monday. visit sleepnumber.com for a store near you. whentrust the brand doctors trust for themselves. nexium 24hr is the number one choice of doctors and pharmacists for their own frequent heartburn. and all day all night protection. when it comes to frequent heartburn, trust nexium 24hr. ♪ ♪ohhhhhh, ou! guess what i just got? uh! ♪i used to be spellbound hello again. ♪i used to be spellbound hi. ♪i used to be spellbound that's a big phone. ♪in your arms. [screams] ah, my phone. ♪you built the flame ♪that warms my heart, ♪but lying and cheating ♪has torn us apart ♪and i'm moving on. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back everybody. here at "the tonight show" we love songs, and we especially love songs written by our audience members in under an hour. it is time for "battle of the instant songwriters." here we go. ♪ the song now i'm singing the song now by the song ♪ ♪ by the song [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. excellent. welcome to "battle of the instant songwriters." before the show we went through our audience and picked out two people who said they were musicians. we gave them each a made up song title and gave them an hour to write an original song based on that title. here's a shot of them practicing backstage a minute ago. look at that. there you go. very interesting. can't wait to see what they come up with. let's meet the contestants right now. come on over guys! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> hey, jimmy. nice to see you. >> jimmy: thank you. welcome, welcome to the show. let's start with contestant number one. what is your name and where are you from? >> my name is melinda and i'm from pennsylvania. >> jimmy: hey, melinda from pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] melinda thank you so much for being here. what was the title of the song that you were given? >> it's called "texting with my dentist." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: ah. ah, classic. classic title. and what instrument will you be playing? >> the guitar. >> jimmy: i love the sitar. [ light laughter ] >> the guitar. >> jimmy: well, yeah. [ light laughter ] please take a seat over there on the stage and go -- get ready. get yourself ready and want to give you a big intro. melinda -- [ cheers and applause ] and now ladies and gentlemen, here to perform the world premiere of the soon to be classic, "texting with my dentist," on the guitar, it's melinda may. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ oh my god i'm blowing up it's my new friend i'm like what's up ♪ ♪ it's my dentist texting my dentist he knows i eat too many sweets ♪ ♪ oral surgery at 19 yes he knows everything about the inside of my mouth ♪ [ light laughter ] ♪ now he's about to see the kind of things that come out ♪ ♪ ♪ texting my dentist [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i'm texting my dentist when i look up from his chair and your eyes i'll get lost in ♪ ♪ i'll never lie to you unless you ask how much i'm flossing ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i'm texting my dentist ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] give it up for melinda may, right there! that was incredible. melinda, come on. [ applause ] come on over here. oh, my god. yeah, you can't lie about flossing. let's meet contestant number two. what is your name and where are you from? >> my name is nat osborn, i'm from brooklyn, new york. >> jimmy: hey, brooklyn boy. [ cheers and applause ] nice to see you buddy. >> nice to meet you. >> jimmy: welcome nat, i appreciate it. now tell everyone what your song title is. >> my song title is "prepare for two inches tonight." [ laughter ] weather related song. >> jimmy: weather related song. of course. [ light laughter ] it's that time of the year. what instrument will you be playing? >> i will be playing a piano keyboard. >> jimmy: an organ. >> exactly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why don't you take a a seat over there. and get ready. get in the zone. challenge it. challenge that energy. get ready. ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the world premiere of "prepare for two inches tonight," by nat osborne. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ these new york city winters got me shivering or maybe it's the thought of your perfume ♪ ♪ ♪ the weatherman is saying to stay in tonight so i lite every candle in my room ♪ ♪ yeah well i'm not trying to leave ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm thinking maybe baby we could take this deeper i hope your ready for ♪ ♪ everything i've got so you will take care don't despair ♪ ♪ but prepare for two inches tonight ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nat, get over here. that's classic. [ cheers and applause ] >> good job. >> jimmy: "prepare for two inches tonight." there you go. it's time to see -- it is time to see who won. we're gonna let our great audience decide the winner. now was it melinda? [ cheers and applause ] or was it nat? [ cheers and applause ] the winner is -- nat ladies and gentlemen. nat! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] nat you will be going home with $1,000 and -- ♪ a "tonight show" notebook for writing more songs. >> oh man, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you so much. that was hilarious. that was great. but nobody goes home empty handed. our other contestant will get a a "tonight show" notebook. [ cheers and applause ] and $1,000. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] give it up for your two new instant songwriters right there. congratulations buddy. congratulations. stick around, we'll be right back with james spader everybody. hey, you were fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ( ♪ ) with 33 individual vertebrae and 640 muscles in the human body, no two of us are alike. life made more effortless through adaptability. the perfect position seat in the lincoln continental. 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(voice-activated double-tone) okay. here's how to make butter. pour two thirds a cup of cold heavy cream into a one cup canning... snickers® satisifes. feel the power of thenew power...smax. ...to fight back theraflu's powerful new formula to defeat 7 cold and flu symptoms... fast. so you can play on. theraflu expressmax. new power. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest, aw, we love him so much. i wish he was on every night. i just love talking to this guy. he's an emmy winning actor who stars on "the blacklist" which will air it's 100th episode wednesday january 17th at 8:00 p.m., right here, on nbc. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome james spader. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about james spader, on "the tonight show" he's back. he's back in black, james spader, please. >> it was acdc wasn't it? >> jimmy: oh yeah, yeah. oh, it definitely was, how are you buddy? >> i'm great. >> jimmy: always great to have you on the show. you always look sharp. >> thank you. >> jimmy: we were talking quickly backstage, 'cause i wanted to save it for out here. but you -- you quit smoking? is that true? >> i did. in the last -- >> jimmy: this is -- [ cheers and applause ] good for you. >> i recommend it. [ laughter ] really. >> jimmy: yeah. >> this is -- >> jimmy: have you tried before? >> i had. and the first time around was, probably about 17 years ago -- 18 years ago. and -- it was miserable. i mean, i was miserable. and i was off for probably ten years. and i was miserable the entire ten years. [ laughter ] i mean, i really was -- i -- >> jimmy: sorry to laugh, i thinking about something else. [ laughter ] but, no you -- i don't want you to be miserable. >> that's right -- >> jimmy: i didn't want you to be, i didn't want you to be miserable. >> no i resented everyone that was happy that i had quit. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: so if someone came up and said, "i'm so happy." >> no, i just, i mean, if people -- if people were saying -- >> jimmy: please, mind your own business. >> -- that they might want to quit, i would try and talk them out of it. [ laughter ] i just was -- it really -- and it changed my life so dramatically, in such a a terrible way. i mean, truly in that i just became this sort of angry -- i even resented myself for having put myself through it. so, i sort of just said, "you know what, the hell with you, just eat like a pig." and, you know, so i also gained, like, 30 pounds. or 40 pounds or something when i quit. yeah. i just, i ate whenever i wanted, i just -- it was miserable. i hated it. and -- >> jimmy: start smoking. >> it lasted about ten years and i started again. and this time it was so easy, it was so perfect. and it was all because of this book. >> jimmy: what is the book? >> it's called allen carr's "easy way to quit smoking." >> jimmy: allen carr's -- >> allen carr's "easy way to quit smoking." he also -- >> jimmy: what is his step one? >> he also has a diet book, i mean, but the great thing about the book is, he also -- [ light laughter ] he insists that you keep smoking while you're reading the book. and then when you finish it you stop. so, i took -- i mean, the books about this thick, okay? and poorly written with big letters. [ light laughter ] and i took months to read it, because i'm smoking. [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: i want to hear what this guy's gonna say. >> yeah, no, he's urging -- he's urging me. i was re-reading chapters -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: highlighting stuff. yeah. >> i was like, this is great passage i'd say to leslie, you know. >> jimmy: classic. yeah, exactly, yeah. [ laughter ] >> i'd say, "honey, you don't understand, this is a great chapter, here." i'm re-reading it. [ laughter ] light up again, you know. >> jimmy: and then when you were done. >> and then i stopped -- and i just stopped. i didn't do any -- oh, but that was the other thing is i also think it was just based on this sort of stubbornness. you know, i really -- 'cause i decided since the last time was, you know, such a a failure, i decided this time that i was -- that i was going to quit smoking and lose weight. >> jimmy: so, you've done both? you quit smoking and you lost weight? >> i did. i've lost weight -- i lost weight. now i quit, you know, about a a year ago, some -- somewhere around then. so, now i've put it on, because now i just sort of gave up on the losing the weight part. [ light laughter ] but it really did work at the time. i lost weight and quit smoking. and i'm telling you it's a a great thing. >> jimmy: but the good news is that this man has written -- >> he's also written one about losing weight, now i don't know how he handles that, like -- eat as much as you want while you're reading the book. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, this guy's fantastic. >> like, when you finish the book -- >> jimmy: i love this diet already. >> that's the end of the eating. you know. >> jimmy: and you're really milking this book. you're like, "honey, check out this chapter." >> do we have any ice cream? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, exactly, you got to do all that. well, i'm happy you quit. and i'm happy you are healthy. and you are just the greatest. we love it when you come by. congratulations on "blacklist" the 100th episode is coming up. [ cheers and applause ] that's a giant deal. that's a big deal. it's a lot of t.v. that's a lot of hours that go into work. >> -- many hours. >> jimmy: i know, but no, but this is a big deal. >> no, i agree. i mean, it is, it is. >> jimmy: and i see you got a a special guest star, one of our favorite's nathan lane -- >> oh, my gosh, yeah. >> jimmy: nathan lane is on the show. and i love the guy. >> i do, too. >> jimmy: so he's going to -- >> i was a fan of -- i mean, i'm just such a great fan of his. i mean, i really -- i just wanted to hang out with him on the set. i really just wanted him on the set. so, anyway this episode came up and so the writers had called him. they said, you know, we have a a list, you know we're thinking about -- you know people that might be right. and they said, you know, right off the bat, you know, nathan lane might be right. and what would you think about that? i said, "oh, abs -- nathan would be perfect." i hadn't read the script. i hadn't -- i had no idea what the role was. >> jimmy: whatever it was. he's perfect. [ talking over each other ] >> whatever it was, i couldn't give a [ bleep ]. i really, i just wanted -- [ light laughter ] so, sorry. yes, nathan is perfect for it. >> jimmy: whatever needed. yeah, exactly. >> nathan is great. and anyway, watch it, 'cause he -- >> jimmy: yeah, good. i want to show you a clip, here is james spader in the 100th episode of "the blacklist." take a look at this. >> everyone loves hidden treasures. yamashita's gold. the oak island money pit. hell, even d.b. cooper, which was more of the mystery and less of a treasure hunt. really? >> that's what you love? the mystery. >> mystery. you know why? >> robert louis steveson. >> yes, edgar allan poe. "the gold bug" oh, what a a story. has everything. a delirious search for treasure, the descent into madness, along with ciphers and bugs. a skull nailed to a tree. what a yarn. if he actually has the locations of the other coins, this could be a massive discovery. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i did not see that coming at all. james spader, everybody. "the blacklist" airs wednesdays at 8:00 p.m. on nbc. set your dvr. james spader, everybody. we'll be right back with camila cabello. 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(voice fading away) ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is one of the biggest names in music right now. her brand new album, "camila" is available now. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, camila cabello. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on down, please! let's talk about this! >> look at it. >> jimmy: let's talk -- it's real -- it's real! >> it's out! it's really happening! >> jimmy: it's out! your album is out. it's finally out. congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] you were here earlier in the week, and now your album is finally out. are you so -- >> so exciting! >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, i'm so excited. >> jimmy: i mean, you must be flipping, yeah. 'cause last time you were here, you did havana ooh-na-na -- >> yes! >> jimmy: or two times ago -- two times -- >> that was my first time ever performing the song, too, actually. >> jimmy: man, oh, man. >> like on tv. >> jimmy: and it was just -- and then the next day, trending and then -- top of the charts and then the biggest thing in the world. [ laughter ] and then i was like, "yes!" it was so good. >> thanks! >> jimmy: what a performance, what a song. you just did jingle ball -- >> yeah! >> jimmy: at -- at madison square garden. >> oh, my god, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i mean, big time, so this is like a giant gig. i mean, this is one of the biggest gigs you can get madison -- you're at the garden. >> i -- i ripped my pants that show. did you -- did you know that? >> jimmy: yes, i did and i have a photo of it -- [ laughter and applause ] but i don't have a photo of that. it's just a photo of you and it says, "me trying to look chill, trying to cover up the fact that my pants just ripped." >> my face looks good in that picture, though. >> jimmy: yeah -- your face looks good. [ cheers ] you kept your cool. you said you ripped it mid-squat. >> dude, i don't know how -- i literally heard the rip. [ light laughter ] but my in-ears were in, and so my song is like blasting, you know, full out, and i still hear this like -- but, you know, the show must go on. >> jimmy: but i mean -- hopefully it did -- but i mean, you just -- you went down, you did like a move, like havana. >> yeah it was during -- it was during a squat and then i just -- i heard the rip and it was -- i just knew. >> jimmy: and then what do you do, though there? do you just stay mid-squat? you just go like -- "you guys have been great, love you guys. new york city! you guys are the best, man!" >> oh, my god, no. and there's literally parts of the choreography where i turn around too and i was like, "i don't know what's going to happen right now." so i didn't remember if i had like booty shorts or whatever, or if it was -- but i just -- i just kind of had to keep it going and then there was like, obviously pictures on the internet of, you know, like the rip. but i was wearing booty shorts, so it's -- it's good. >> jimmy: well, you're a pro, man. obviously, i saw you -- i saw you on new year's eve. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i got to say, it was freezing, i don't know how you could sing -- it's too cold to watch. >> well, i don't know if this is true, but there was like a -- wasn't there a negative 100 degree wind temperature here? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yes! >> i feel like one of my fans -- >> jimmy: you went at the bomb cyclone, yeah. we got the bomb cyclone. very, very, very popular thing here, but -- >> it's insane. >> jimmy: but did you get to watch the ball drop? >> yeah, oh, my god, yeah. it's -- it's crazy, though, it's kind of bittersweet, because when you go into the ball drop thing, they don't let you bring your family up with you. so i had my -- i had my family in for new york, but like -- and during the ball drop moment, we usually do this thing -- cuban people do this thing where we have 12 grapes and we eat them during the last 12 seconds and we make like a a resolution or a wish for each grape that we eat. but anyway, that's a whole other story. >> jimmy: wait, you eat 12 grapes in 12 seconds? [ laughter ] >> yeah, like the last -- the last 12 seconds you're like, "uh, good health, get a a boyfriend." [ laughter ] yeah. >> jimmy: all right, so you have no grapes? >> yeah, so it was basically, it was just me and then i had like nick jonas and ryan seacrest and mariah carey. and like the ball was dropping and i was like, "am i going to kiss nick jonas?" [ laughter ] 'cause i thought it would be, you know, 'cause it's like the new year's thing. >> jimmy: yeah, if it's getting down to the seconds. >> i've never had a new year's kiss before, yeah. >> jimmy: usually you give somebody a kiss when it's midnight, yeah. >> yeah, i didn't, i chickened out, but i thought it would be -- i thought it would be like funny, you know what i mean? but mariah carey did blow me a a kiss so that was good. >> jimmy: hey, well, i'll take that, i'll take that. >> it was like -- >> jimmy: oh, of course. >> and i was like -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i will say before -- i will say again, congratulations on the album being out. [ cheers and applause ] president obama puts out a list of his favorite music. he puts out a playlist of his favorite music of the year. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and on the top of the list is guess who? camila cabello, yeah, baby! [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: that's got to be an honor, huh? >> yeah, that was crazy. i actually -- i made a video of me crying to it and i sent it to my friends, 'cause i do that sometimes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, well, you have to be emotional, yeah. >> yeah, it was -- it was crazy. i mean, who doesn't -- i love him so much and i -- you know, i got the opportunity of -- i met him -- i've met him twice. well, not met him twice, seen him twice 'cause you can only meet a person one time. but -- [ laughter ] but, yeah, so the first time that i met him, it was like this meet and greet situation where it was like, you know. five seconds and you take a a picture and then you, you know, walk away, but -- >> jimmy: yeah, of course, he's like, "hello, and good to see ya." >> yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: "yep, yep. take care. thanks a lot. thank you. bye." >> yeah, yeah. so -- that was a really good impression, by the way. >> jimmy: thank you, i appreciate that, yeah. >> it was really good. >> jimmy: it was actually me who you met the first time, so -- >> oh, wow, crazy! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you only met him once, yeah. >> wow! so basically i got the chance to tell him. i was like, "thank you so much for everything that you do for, you know, immigrants." he kind of did like this double take 'cause i think he thought i was going to stay something like, "you rock!" or whatever. and he was like, "oh, thank you, that really means a lot to me." and i really do -- i love the obamas. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so that was really -- it was really crazy 'cause i feel like, i don't know, sometimes i just -- i found that out on new year's, and i had been home for like 20 days and i don't know -- a a lot of the times i totally forget that i am like a, you know, i have songs out and that, you know, people listen to them. and especially, you know, the president even being aware of my existence and -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> i mean, that was really, really, really cool. >> jimmy: hell, people are aware of your existence. they are definitely, definitely aware. [ cheers and applause ] and they're going to be even more aware in 2018. you're going to have a great year, pal. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and we love you, pal. >> thank you so much. >> jimmy: please, please, come back. [ cheers and applause ] camila cabello, everybody. her album, "camila" is out now. we'll be right back with stand-up from pete lee. come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ the world is not flat. you can't just pinch it or swipe it. there's a whole world out there and no other card lets you experience it like the platinum card. ♪ ♪ backed by the service and security of american express. ♪ ♪ mom'#stuffynosecold #nosleep #mouthbreather just put on a breathe right strip it instantly opens your nose... up to 38% more than cold medicine alone go to breatheright.com today to request a free sample. 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[ laughter ] and i'm also dressed like this so i look like a bouncer at a a ted talk. [ light laughter ] i'm from wisconsin if you can tell that by my accent and stuff. woo! um, yeah. but new yorkers don't know how to receive my energy. they're always like, "hey, what's that on your face?" and i'm like, "it's a smile." [ laughter ] yeah, i have joy in my heart. and then i give it all away every day. [ light laughter ] and then i wake up the next day and i'm like, oh there's more. [ light laughter ] because that's what it feels like to be not from new york. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i wish i was a more rugged, bad boy. you know, like, no women ever look at me like oh, man. i bet pete's going to ravage me all night. [ laughter ] there are woman that look at me like i bet pete has good penmanship. [ laughter ] you know, and i do. i mean, look at my face. i'm tall, dark, and pleasant. [ laughter ] i look like i stay in shape by only flying kites. [ laughter ] like, dude, you are getting jacked. yeah, it's been gusty. [ laughter and applause ] you don't even know. [ cheers and applause ] and women always say that they want a bad boy. well my whole thing is, no you don't. [ laughter ] you don't. right? which would you rather have, a a guy that's like, oh my god. your rack looks great in that dress. or would you rather have me who's like, oh my god that dress has pockets. [ cheers and applause ] women love dresses with pockets. if you love a woman and you want to blow her mind, go steal her favorite dress out of the closet. take it to a tailor, have him install pockets. [ light laughter ] take her out on her dream date and in the middle of the date, be like hey honey, can you put my chapstick in your pocket? and she'll be like, what i don't have any pockets in this -- oh my god there's pockets! [ laughter ] i really got into that one. [ laughter ] i think i'm a sensitive guy because i grew up idolizing my dad. i was like, that's what's men are like and i want to be like that. the only problem is my dad was an interior decorator. [ laughter ] yeah, my dad gave me my "y" chromosome. it's just mine was in cursive. [ laughter and applause ] that was a good one. [ laughter ] all my friends, they had cool redneck dads growing up. you know, they'd be like, my dad is taking me hunting this weekend. i'd be like, oh mine too, you know for bargains. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i got a deer. i'd be like i got an ottoman. [ laughter ] i remember one time, one of my friends, he goes, my dad taught me how to cat call women. and i was, oh just as important, my dad taught me that women are people. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, right? who knew that until last year, right? [ laughter ] i did. i knew the whole time. [ laughter ] i knew my whole life. oh, i'm such a feminist. oh, cripes. yeah. i'm such a feminist, i don't even use those credit card chip readers until it tells me that i can. [ cheers and applause ] have you ever tried to put your card in too early? it's like, quack quack quack. i'm like -- [ laughter and applause ] i'm not a bad guy, all right? [ laughter ] i respect you. i hate conflict, but i got into a tussle today. i know you guys are like, wow this guy tussles. oh, yeah i do. [ laughter ] i tussle a tidbit. [ laughter ] i got into a tussle with a a motion sensor sink. isn't that the worst technology? because i'm just standing there waving my hand. like, how pale am i? [ laughter ] this things looking at my hand like, no, that's just more sink. [ laughter and applause ] i'm standing there waving my hand. it's giving me no water. but for some reason motion sensor hand foam is like -- i'm here for you, buddy. [ laughter ] i'm like, i can't use you, yet. because i don't have water from your friend. [ laughter ] uhh, paper towels are like -- [ laughter and applause ] why do motion sensor sinks work like 4% of the time? but if you are sitting down on a motion sensor toilet and even one flake of lint floats into that stall, you are like, oh, no. motion sensor toilet is like, gotcha. [ laughter and applause ] it's shooting niagara falls temperature mist into your butt. [ laughter ] it feels like a thousand dog noses are nuzzling your butt cheeks. all right guys, i'm pete lee. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh! pete lee right there. [ cheers and applause ] oh, my face hurt. for more, visit petelee.net. we'll be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ there's only one place where you can get... ... more adventure, more woo-hoo! more magic and more happy. so now come to the disneyland resort and get... more happy ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: pete lee right there, ladies and gentlemen. how about that? pete lee. my thanks to james spader, everybody. camila cabello. pete lee, once again. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching, have a a great weekend. i hope to see you next week. bye-bye, everybody. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight, anthony anderson -- star of "downsizing," actress hong chau -- comedian amanda seales, featuring the 8g band with mark guiliana. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gtlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening! i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's fantastic. in that case, let's get to the news. the alabama special election for senate is tomorrow, and it's currently too gross to call. [ laughter ] that's right, the alabama speciaec

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