and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 739! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. that's what you want right there. hot crowd tonight. welcome to "the tonight show." [ cheers and applause ] this is it, baby. you made it. you're here. looking good. [ applause ] well, here's what people are talking about. this is pretty big. here in new york city, everyone is at the u.n. i mean, that's right, the u.n. general assembly kicked off today, and i read that 193 countries will be attending. yep. they're all committed to one goal, making new york city traffic a total nightmare. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and they're all going to do it. they've been really focused. the worst. actually, one expert said that because of all the quick meetings, the general assembly is like speed dating from hell. [ light laughter ] or as that's also known, speed dating. [ laughter and applause ] i mean, when is speed dating good? when is it fun? but after meeting with officials at the u.n. today, president trump says there's a a good chance of peace in the middle east. then he was like, "the bad news is i accidentally started a war with greenland. [ laughter and applause ] they say it's greenland, but it's really snowy there. so fake name." [ laughter ] that's right, trump greeted the other world leaders at the united nations this morning, but he needed a little help with his microphone. check this out. >> does red mean it's on or it's off? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "another question. where am i? where am i? am i somewhere? where am i?" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that other guy should have been like, "red means off. say whatever you want." [ laughter and applause ] but tomorrow, trump will give his first big speech to the u.n. his aides have been working with him for days so that he stops pronouncing it "the un." [ light laughter ] "it's such an honor to have me addressing the un. [ light laughter ] are you related to kim jong? [ laughter ] is the red light on or does that mean off?" [ light laughter ] you guys see this? yesterday, trump posted a tweet where he referred to kim jong-un as "rocket man." [ light laughter ] [ audience ohs ] which beats the other nickname he gave him, lil' kim. [ laughter and applause ] you know, it's just confusing. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: well, it's confusing. >> steve: that's a nickname. >> jimmy: meanwhile, i read that people in the white house are worried other staffers might be wearing a wire for the russia investigation. trump assured staffers he's not wearing a wire, it's just the outline from his spanx. [ laughter and applause ] it's just not a -- oh, i saw that today is ben carson's 66th birthday. wow. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, happy birthday. it's a little different on ben carson's birthday. he actually opens his eyes to make a wish. >> steve: really? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah. the news out of london -- i read that prince charles may not live in buckingham palace when he becomes king. then queen elizabeth said, "when he becomes king. [ laughter and applause ] i love your optimism, chucky." [ light laughter ] let's get to some sports news here. it came out that kevin durant apparently uses a second twitter handle to argue with fans. [ laughter ] yeah, he has a secret twitter account. then ted cruz said, "you can do that?" [ laughter and applause ] you go, no, you can't do that. "you can do that?" finally, you guys, i read that a married couple in louisiana was arrested after filming themselves having sex in a a walmart and a burger king. [ light laughter ] [ audience ohs ] of course they were very embarrassed, so they told their friends it was a target and a a wendy's. [ laughter and applause ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is unbelievable. yet again, our audience is the best audience in the world. did you hear? [ cheers and applause ] they were so -- it's called -- yeah. it's called -- it's called the soul clap. so if you clap, so if you hear a song and it's just like playing. ♪ normally, an audience would be like -- right? but that's not what our audience did. you played it and the audience did this. >> questlove: double time. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i mean, that's what i'm talking about. that is it. thank you! [ cheers and applause ] we have rhythm. "the tonight show" has rhythm! [ cheers and applause ] we have a fantastic show tonight. she is my bff. she'll be hanging out with us and performing her hit single "sorry not sorry." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ sorry i'm not sorry [ light laughter ] >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: in case she needs it, she wants to rest the vocals. i can -- >> steve: you can just do them? >> jimmy: i can ruin that song pretty fast. [ light laughter ] ♪ sorry i'm not sorry [ cheers ] thank you. [ light laughter ] higgins? >> steve: yuh-huh. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: "tell me you love me." no, no, no, that's the name of demi's album. [ laughter ] >> steve: "sorry not sorry." >> jimmy: do you want to hear a a taste of "sorry not sorry"? >> steve: you can just bust me off a little tiny piece. ♪ baby i'm sorry ♪ >> jimmy: that's it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ sorry i'm not sorry it's really good. demi lovato is here, you guys. there she is. [ cheers and applause ] plus this man is a comedy legend, one of the founders of monty python, the brilliant, the hilarious, john cleese is dropping by tonight! [ cheers and applause ] oh, i love john cleese! >> steve: one of my heroes. >> jimmy: yeah. john cleese has a new album out called "tell me you love me." >> steve: really? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and do you want to hear a taste of this? >> steve: just bust me off a a tiny little piece. >> jimmy: this is the new song from john cleese. it's called "sorry not sorry." ♪ baby i'm sorry >> jimmy: all right. that's it. that's all i can give you. >> steve: just a little tiny piece? >> jimmy: piece of the cleese, dude. [ laughter ] he can take that and do something with that. >> steve: yeah, he can do that. he can make it a whole thing. >> jimmy: guys, you know how they say a picture is worth 1,000 words. well, it's also worth one meme. i'll show you what i'm talking about. it's time for "this week in memes." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ week in memes week in memes yeah ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: first up, take a look at this photo of attorney general jeff sessions. [ laughter ] this meme is called, "that feeling when you see mom bringing the cheerios to your highchair." [ laughter and applause ] next is a photo of donald and melania trump. [ laughter ] their meme is called, "when you sit in the front row at the imax." oh, yeah. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: not good. >> jimmy: no other chairs. that's a bummer. next is a photo of angela merkel. [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] her meme says, "when you're doing your robert deniro impression." [ laughter and applause ] questlove officially does -- >> steve: the worst. >> jimmy: questlove officially does the worst robert deniro. can you give us a taste? jus a -- [ laughter ] it just gets worse and worse. it gets worse. all right, that's it. perfect, perfect. [ laughter ] okay. it gets worse. i don't know how. here's a photo of queen elizabeth. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: her meme says, "when bae say he's sick and then you see him dancing at the club." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: what? ♪ sorry not sorry >> jimmy: take a look at this classic photo of a monkey. [ audience aws ] his meme says, "when you trying to get that perfect tinder pic." all right, good luck. [ laughter and applause ] good luck to you, buddy. here's a photo of bernie sanders. his meme says, "when you thought you were using wi-fi but you were actually using data." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: what? i can't find -- [ light laughter ] next, we have a photo of this dog. its meme says, "when you book a a massage through groupon." [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: not good. >> jimmy: be careful. >> steve: don't do it. >> jimmy: now here's a photo of vladimir putin. this one's called, "when you're ready to leave the party but bae just started a new conversation." [ laughter and applause ] next one's another photo of a a dog. [ audience aws ] his meme says, "when you in the pool and hear that margarita blender." [ laughter and applause ] [ barking ] >> steve: who let the dogs out? >> jimmy: and finally, here's a a photo -- [ laughter ] is the owner under the water? >> steve: yeah, it's under the water. who let the dogs out? [ laughter ] [ gurgling ] [ light laughter ] come on, the baha men. [ gurgling ] [ light laughter ] the baha men are all under water. >> jimmy: what's he saying? >> steve: he's saying -- ♪ ♪ the party was good the party was jamming ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ yippe-ai-oh everybody's having a ball ♪ those are the words, right? to that song, "who let them dogs out?" [ light laughter ] i'm tired. >> jimmy: who let them dogs out. [ laughter ] finally, here's a photo of kim-jong un. his meme says, "ermahgerd werby perker." [ laughter and applause ] that was this week in memes. hey, before we go -- guys, before we go to commercial, i want to say congratulations to steve higgins, who won an emmy award last night. steve higgins. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] hey, congratulations. you looked fantastic. >> steve: thank you. >> jimmy: "saturday night live." what a great show. had such a great season. but you deserve it. i know how hard you worked. man, oh man, oh man, you look great. steve higgins. there he is, right there. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: wow, thank you. >> jimmy: guys, we'll be right back with demi lovato! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hey allergy muddlers are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool? try zyrtec® it's starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. directv has been rated #1 in customer satisfaction over cable for 17 years running. but some people still like cable. just like some people like banging their head on a low ceiling. drinking spoiled milk. camping in poison ivy. getting a papercut. and having their arm trapped in a vending machine. but for everyone else, there's directv. for #1 rated customer satisfaction over cable switch to directv. call 1-800-directv. hurricane maria is moving through the caribbean right now, making landfall as a category five storm. forecasters say "maria" is following a path that could take it through islands that are just now recovering from hurricane irma. more on that story on our homepage =add= and a three-point-six magnitude quake struck los angeles overnight near the "westwood" area. no word yet on any damage. no word yet on any damage. ♪ no word yet on any damage. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is one of the most talented pop stars on the planet. her new album, "tell me you love me", drops next friday. and her line of fabletics workout gear is available now. ladies and gentlemen -- yeah, this is what -- she made these when she first came on our show. [ light laughter ] please welcome my bff, demi lovato, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: demi. oh, demi. you look gorgeous. >> jimmy. >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i love having you on. >> i love being here. this is my favorite. >> jimmy: thank you. thank you so much. >> yeah. >> jimmy: 'cause we've known each other now for awhile. i mean this is -- this is -- >> old school right there. >> jimmy: this is an old school sweatshirt. this is like turning into vintage. >> kind of. >> jimmy: it was brand-new and now it's vintage. >> now it's vintage. >> jimmy: it's so rad. i love it so much. and i wear it all the time. but this is -- it's -- it's always fun having you here, because we were original bffs and then we -- >> i have something for you. >> jimmy: you do? i have something for you too. >> wait. >> jimmy: is this like the gift to the magi? >> are we exchanging gifts right now? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i totally have a gift for you. >> because you showed me the older one, i wanted to show you the new one. >> jimmy: did you make a new -- >> i made a new one for you. [ audience aws ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh, really? [ laughter and applause ] >> it's our tenth anniversary. >> jimmy: hey, is it ten -- tenth anniversary. is this the tenth time you've been on the show? >> it's the tenth time i've been on the show with you. >> jimmy: oh my god, you were such a baby. >> i know. >> jimmy: should i put this on now or save it? >> you can do whatever you want. >> jimmy: yeah, i have to put it on now, right? >> okay. [ cheers and applause ] yeah! [ humming ] >> jimmy: i feel like mr. rogers. [ laughter ] "you like demi's new song?" [ laughter ] that's my mr. rogers impression. >> this is so creepy. >> jimmy: it is creepy. it kind of sounds like ted cruz a little bit. [ light laughter ] oh, look at this. [ cheers and applause ] >> yay. it looks amazing. >> jimmy: i love it. i love it. i'm keeping the bow too. >> okay. >> jimmy: here's what i did for you. i didn't know this was the tenth time. but i just wanted to make something special for you. so i'm really into making my own pickles. and this is the truth. >> really? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know. i really am and i got some ball jars. and i really went out and i made you my own -- >> you made me pickles? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i heard that you like pickles. >> i love pickles. >> jimmy: you do? >> thank you! >> jimmy: so i dated it on the top. >> okay. >> jimmy: i really went for it. i mean, i went to the farm. >> my bff demi. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i went to a farm. i got fresh kirby cucumbers. i got -- i really went for it. i made a brine. i put these crystallize things that keep them crunchy in there. >> oh, my god. you are so sweet! >> jimmy: i vacuumed sealed it. i have is a video, just real quick. an eight-second video. that's me getting it. that's garlic. that's the jar. that's the things. that's pickles. that's jalapeno. that's dill. that's still brine. i put a vacuum sealer, sucked it in, and there you go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you. >> jimmy: tell me -- i made it spicy. do you like spicy? >> uh -- >> jimmy: you don't. >> i love spicy. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh -- wait. that was such a lie. >> i love spicy food. >> jimmy: oh, no! >> i love spicy food. >> jimmy: i put a pepper in here! what are we gonna do!? >> jimmy, i love spicy food! >> jimmy: you got to open these now. that's the only way to spike the spice. you got to open them now! >> oh my god, okay. >> jimmy: no, i just did them. i canned them on the -- does anybody know how to make refrigerator pickles? where are the people that are crafty? come on! [ light laughter ] quest, you must know how to make refrigerator pickles. >> questlove: ahh -- [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: all right -- look. >> i love spicy food, jimmy. >> jimmy: oh, no, you don't. but i'm writing -- 'cause "tell me you love me" is the name of the album. so i just wrote -- thank you, sir. [ laughter ] so i just wrote, i wrote love on that pepper right there. and that's -- [ audience aws ] this is my love pickle for you. [ laughter ] my love -- no. no, pickle! ♪ cut that out. love pickle. love -- pickled pepper. a pack of love -- pack of pickled peppers for you. and you know, maybe take them out. if anybody has any advice online and tell them to despice them, maybe what you can do is soak them in water. [ laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: i don't know, man. but anyways, i heard that you like pickles. >> thank you. this is so sweet. i love them. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. oh, my gosh. you're like, "thank you. i'll never eat them. thank you." [ laughter ] >> i will. when they're ready on the 16th. wait -- >> jimmy: no, the 16th is a a couple days ago. [ laughter ] they're ready to go. it will be a year from now. thank you for that cheese you got me. [ light laughter ] i want to -- there's so many things we have to discuss here. >> okay. >> jimmy: i want to talk about the album. let's talk about the album. this is a big deal. >> it is a big deal. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "sorry not sorry." you put out "sorry not sorry." it's blowing up the charts. the video has got like almost 200 million hits on you -- something crazy like that. you just -- it was like a video of like a house party at your house. >> yeah. >> jimmy: was it a real video or just a music video? >> okay, so it was a music video. >> jimmy: okay, good. >> but it was inspired by a a house party that i had. one day i was like, i want to have people over. like, i had just gone through a a break-up. i was like, "i'm newly single. i want to meet people." i called my friend daveo. i was like, "daveo, just invite people over." he was like, "okay." so he invited people over. all of a sudden, like, a couple hours later, snoop dogg was there. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: how did snoop dogg -- how do you even get snoop dogg to show up? >> friends with daveo. and daveo knows everybody. so then, like, french montana was there and ty dolla sign and wiz khalifa and all these people were there. i was like, wait a second, i just wanted to have a couple people over to hang out, and all of a sudden my house is like filled with pot smoke everywhere. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now it's like a a pajama jammy jam. what am i doing? >> i was like, "no smoking inside! get out, get out!" >> jimmy: well, not with snoop dog you can't. you have to. [ light laughter ] >> i wasn't gonna tell -- >> jimmy: that's how he breathes. [ laughter ] >> i wasn't gonna tell snoop not to smoke in my house. >> jimmy: no, you can't. >> i was like, "okay, snoop, do what you want." and then my chef came in the next morning and was like, it smells like snoop dogg was here. i was like, "no, he literally was." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's a funny joke, but he actually was here. it really was snoop dogg. oh, my gosh. well, the video is awesome, and it's totally on fleek. you should check it out. [ laughter ] on youtube. but i do love it and i love that you came in this morning. we did a lip sync conversation thing. >> jimmy: but you'll see what it is tomorrow night's show. there's other stuff i have to talk about. i want to talk about fabletics. >> okay. >> jimmy: now, how do you come up with this and how do you -- like workout athletic gear. but it's with kate hudson? >> so kate hudson owns fabletics. and i did a line with fabletics. and we met in the gym, actually. ironically enough. >> jimmy: that's perfect. >> i know. >> jimmy: on brand. >> on brand. so on brand. and then came this creation together, and i have a line of athleisure wear that you can wear in the gym and outside of the gym. >> jimmy: see, that's fantastic. and it's crushing. so i want to say congratulations for that. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you have that news, you have this news. and the biggest news is that we're going to play a game when we come back. is that cool? >> yes it's totally cool. >> jimmy: it's the bff challenge, you guys. demi lovato! when we come back, demi and i are having a best friends challenge. stick around! i love it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ so many americans struggle with finances. starting today, state farm is here to help. giving us all the chance to simply sit down and learn. visit letsstarttoday.com or talk to an agent. it all started when sophia found the perfect little mug at marshalls. then piece by piece, surprise by surprise, she built the greatest guest bathroom ever. did she expect to get so much bang for so few bucks? no. but great things happen when you choose surprise. did she expect to get so much bang for so few bucks? bill assumed his mayo was the best choice. assume nothing. just like the leading brand, kraft real mayo is made with high quality ingredients at a price you can feel good about no wonder kraft is so good. ♪ ♪ sfx: t-mobile mnemonic sfx: netflix mnemonic sfx: t-mobile mnemonic sfx: netflix mnemonic sfx: t-mobile mnemonic sfx: netflix mnemonic t-mobile's unlimited now includes netflix on us. that's right, netflix on us. get four unlimited lines for just forty bucks each. taxes and fees included. and now, netflix included. so go ahead, binge on us. another reason why t-mobile is america's best unlimited network. [ "mo♪ more, more, more ny ] ♪ how do you like it ♪ how do you like it ♪ more, more, more ♪ how do you like it ♪ how do you like it ♪ how do you like it ♪ more, more, more no, no... ♪ k up. ♪ the all new 2018 camry. toyota. let's go places. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. we are hanging out with demi lovato! [ cheers and applause ] her new album, "tell me you love me", is available on september 29th. i also want to talk about "simply complicated" on youtube. >> yes. >> jimmy: this is a a documentary -- like a 24-hour -- this is like a big documentary that you're doing on youtube. >> it's not 24 hours long. >> jimmy: no. [ light laughter ] >> but it is -- >> jimmy: if you want to, it can be though. >> it can be. >> jimmy: it depends how many times you watch it in a loop. >> exactly. it's a documentary about my life, and the making of this album called "simply complicated." but you get to see the process of making the album, and you also get to learn more about me. i'm like more honest ins this documentary than i've ever been, and -- >> jimmy: you said they were with you -- the cameras were around all over the place. >> yeah, they were with me all the time, the cameras were. >> jimmy: yeah. does that make you nervous? >> um, i got used to it. i was nervous at first, but then i realized i have creative control over it. so if i say something i don't want i can just be like, i'm going to edit that out later. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. yeah. [ light laughter ] so snoop dogg won't be in the documentary. >> snoop dogg's not going to be in the documentary. >> jimmy: that's good. okay, good. pal, i want to play this game with you, because we've been bffs for a long time now. and i want to play a game called the best friends challenge. would you like to play? >> yes, i would love to play. >> jimmy: here we go. let's go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ best friends challenge oh yeah ♪ >> jimmy: now, this game works like "the newlywed game," but for friends. we're going to take turns reading questions about each other from the best friends box. and then we're going to try to write down the same answer. we didn't plan any of this out. in fact, i played this with tina fey, justin timberlake, viola davis, and i've never gotten one question right with any of them. [ light laughter ] but let's change that all tonight. so here we go. this is your marker, and your pad here. >> okay. >> jimmy: i'll read the first question here. okay. demi, if i were a disney princess, which one would i be? [ light laughter ] ♪ all right, time's up. >> okay. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: there's no time, all right. demi, you can show it to that camera. what did you write? what princess would i be? [ drumroll ] oh, i didn't know this. cinderella is your -- >> yeah. yes. >> jimmy: i said belle from "beauty& the beast." [ laughter ] [ sad trombone ] but i put -- >> mamma? >> jimmy: i put "maybe moana" just in case. [ laughter ] i didn't know. i was just hedging my bets. my girls love moana now, so i didn't want to take their princess. >> oh, got it. >> jimmy: but i would be belle, because that's more my -- >> cute. >> jimmy: remember, i'm 43 years old. [ laughter ] all right, good. here we go. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right. here we go. >> ready? >> jimmy: yes. is that question one? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah, perfect. all right. >> if demi was stranded on a a deserted island -- >> jimmy: oh, no. >> what one thing would she bring with her? >> jimmy: definitely not spicy pickles. [ laughter ] what would she bring -- oh! ♪ [ laughter ] okay. ready? >> okay. >> jimmy: here's my answer. your two dogs, batman and the other one. >> the other one -- [ laughter ] and cinderella. >> jimmy: oh, that's right. cinderella and batman! what did you say? >> i said my iphone. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh! come on! [ laughter ] [ sad trombone ] >> i'm a terrible owner. i'm a terrible -- >> jimmy: you were talking about your dogs. you love your dogs. >> i know, but if you had your iphone, you might get service, and you might could call your way off the island. >> jimmy: i don't even get service in new york city. i mean come on. [ light laughter ] deserted island. all right, i will read the next question. here we go. ready? >> i should have said that. >> jimmy: if we were going to binge-watch a tv show together, what show would we pick? i know -- ♪ >> this is not going to be right. >> jimmy: this is going to be right. my bff. what did you say? [ light laughter ] what did i -- "walking dead." >> i know. >> jimmy: that's similar. >> it's my favorite show. >> jimmy: i said "riverdale," which is -- [ light laughter ] [ sad trombone ] that's too scary for me. >> really? >> jimmy: i can't do that. "riverdale", archie -- this is scary enough for me. this murder. [ light laughter ] jughead's involved. it's a great show, "riverdale." on the cw. all right -- [ light laughter ] >> okay, ready? >> jimmy: yeah. >> if we became one person and had to combine our names, what would our new name be? [ light laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: do we do a similar concept? we got to get this one, bff. [ drumroll ] all right. we have to combine our names. what is your answer? >> jemitria. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: similar. jimi. there you go. [ laughter and applause ] demi lovato, everybody! demi's performing for us later in the show! [ cheers and applause ] check out her new album, "tell me you love me", on september 29th. and her fabletics workout gear is available now. we'll be right back with john cleese! come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ get on up. ♪ get on up, mama. ♪ get on up. ♪ do what you want. ♪ do you want, let the record hop. ♪ degree motionsense. ultimate freshness... with every move. the more you move, the more it works. degree, it won't let you down. schick hydro ® vs a lube strip. with seven hydrating gel pools... that give you 40% less friction... it's designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. schick hydro ® free your skin. ® we don't just want to watch games cable gives us. we want all the teams, no matter where we live- with directv nfl sunday ticket. we want falcons in new york. jets in la. bears in new orleans. or buccaneers in a quaint, little new england bed and breakfast. can you please pass the marmalade, charlie? i sure can, crazy pirate. switch to directv and get every game, every sunday with nfl sunday ticket. call 1-800-directv. but their nutritional needs (vremain instinctual.d, that's why there's purina one true instinct. nutrient-dense, protein-rich, real meat number one. this is a different breed of natural nutrition. purina one, true instinct. you totanobody's hurt, new car. but there will still be pain. it comes when your insurance company says they'll only pay three-quarters of what it takes to replace it. what are you supposed to do? drive three-quarters of a car? now if you had liberty mutual new car replacement™, you'd get your whole car back. i guess they don't want you driving around on three wheels. smart. with liberty mutual new car replacement™, we'll replace the full value of your car. liberty stands with you™. liberty mutual insurance. well, before it was even founded, a french teenager, bienville, scared away a british warship with just a story. and great stories kept coming. like when the military came and built the boats to win the war. [warplane] some are tales told around crowded tables.... [streetcar rumble] and others are performances fit for the stage. stella! cause for three hundred years, great stories have started the same way. one time, in new orleans. [crowd applause] grown right here in california, with absolutely no antibiotics ever. a better way to grow, a better way to eat. and it starts with foster farms simply raised chicken. california grown with no antibiotics ever. wea whole new place that'swe lookin' to get scared! (laughter) now halloween time is in dineyland and disney california adventure parks! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is nothing short of a comedy legend. you can see him on his upcoming tour called "john cleese live on stage with a screening of 'monty python & the holy grail'." for ticket information, go to montypython.com. please welcome the very funny, the always entertaining john cleese! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome, welcome, welcome back to the show. it is great to have you here. >> i remember last time i was here, do you remember what happened? we were the pythons, we all came out. >> jimmy: yes. >> i shook hands with jimmy first. is it fallon or kimmel? i can never -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is it fallon? >> i shook hands with jimmy first, and while you were shaking hands with the others, i came round and sat in this chair. >> jimmy: yeah, and then you -- >> and you never batted an eyelid. you just came and sat here. [ light laughter ] and i then stole your questions. started to ask the questions, and you answered them in a a perfect british accent. really brilliant. >> jimmy: well i was just so happy -- you are brilliant. i love you, and you look fantastic. >> i do. >> jimmy: yes. [ laughter ] do you feel as good as you look? because you're very, very, very old. [ laughter ] >> i am. i'm astonishingly old. i've forgotten how old i am. >> jimmy: yeah. just ballpark. >> wait a moment, i have to think. no, i'm 77. >> jimmy: are you really? [ cheers and applause ] >> 77! >> jimmy: you look phenomenal! are you kidding me? >> no, but it's very nice, you know, being this old. >> jimmy: yeah. >> because when you're this old, you're going to die soon, so you don't give a [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you really are -- you are not afraid of death. you're fine. >> no, i'm not. i'm not afraid of death. i mean, i've been thinking about it a lot, because you do as you get older. and i thought, well, most of the best people are dead. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's my favorite line anyone's ever said. [ laughter ] ever. most of the best people are dead. >> they are. and there are an awful lot of really awful people still alive. [ laughter ] and most of them are in charge. >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> no names. no names. >> jimmy: no names. >> no names. >> jimmy: you'll be in good company. yeah. i want to talk about the upcoming tour, because i just -- i love the title of the tour. it rolls off the tongue. "john cleese live on stage with a screening of 'monty python & the holy grail'." [ light laughter ] and that is -- can i -- what can we expect from that? >> oh, i -- jimmy, it is the easiest money i've ever made. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no. no, make up a story. >> what? >> jimmy: make up a story about how you're psyched to be on the road. >> oh, sorry. it's such a thrill to be back on the road again. [ laughter ] it's just what i do. i don't even have to turn up at the theater when the show starts, because they show "monty python & the holy grail." and everyone in america thinks it's such a wonderful movie. i don't particularly like it. [ light laughter ] so i go out after i've had dinner, because while they're watching the [ bleep ] film, i'm having dinner. [ light laughter ] i go out and we talk about it for an hour and a quarter. and look, there's two things. first of all, they're preselected to like python -- >> jimmy: yeah, all right. >> so they're not going to be horrible to me. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and the other thing is, i've forgotten. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: now, one point of the -- [ laughter ] well delivered. >> what about all the people who are dead? i mean, abraham lincoln -- >> jimmy: no, we passed -- no we passed -- no, we've done that already. >> dead as a door nail. [ bleep ] >> jimmy: at one point, after the screening of monty python, one will go out in the audience, and have questions from the audience for you, john cleese. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and you answer the questions. >> and i love that. >> jimmy: you do. >> i love that. i mean, i hate it when they say, "what's your favorite python sketch?" i mean, what a boring question that is. [ light laughter ] i hate it, but sometimes -- >> jimmy: you like spontaneous questions. >> i like spontaneous questions. there's two i really love. when i was once in norway, in oslo, a norwegian stood -- probably about 40 years of age -- stood up, and he said, "mr. cleese, may i ask you a a question?" i said, "of course you may." he said, "if you had to be a a component part of an aircraft" -- [ laughter ] "what component part of an aircraft would you choose to be?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a great question. >> great question. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] i mean, that wins right there. don't tell anyone. go see john cleese's on tour. can we take -- >> the best one -- >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> i'm not joking here. eric and i -- eric idle and i were in florida, and we toured together. and a nice woman, i can't remember the town, stood up, middle of the stalls and she said, "mr. idle, mr. cleese, may i ask you a serious question?" "of course." she said, "did the queen kill diana?" [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: john -- >> that's dangerous, jimmy. that's dangerous. the band is laughing. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> that means we're in trouble with the censors. >> jimmy: the band is laughing. >> so i was able to say, "well certainly not with her bare hands." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's actually a a great -- a great answer. well, i thought maybe a fun bit we could do tonight is i could go in the audience, and have anyone from our crowd ask john a obnoxious, a crazy question. >> your producer told me that and i said it was fine. >> jimmy: sounds perfect, yes. here we go. these are unselected people though. we don't even have them selected. could be anyone. raise your hand if you have a a question for john cleese. >> over here! >> jimmy: i'll start in the back. yeah, hey, buddy. this guy looks very, very eager. yes, right there, buddy. >> did you go to school with the queen? >> jimmy: did you go to school with the queen? >> i had lunch with the queen. [ light laughter ] i had lunch with the queen once at buckingham palace and it was very nice. it was boring, but it was very nice. [ laughter ] nobody wanted to say anything interesting in case somebody was offended. so i thought, poor woman. i mean, if she asks some of these people there, there was a a guy who ran a prison, and there was a lecturer in anatomy from oxford. and then she wasn't able really to relax, and ask interesting questions. but everyone was terribly nice, and polite, and it was very nice food. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: good question. anyone, question for john cleese? yeah, you have a question for john cleese? >> what kind of underwear do you wear? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what kind of underwear do you wear? >> underwear? [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: you know what underwear is, right? you know what underwear is? >> ever since i was 75, i go commando. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: question for john cleese. yes, right here. >> john, are you as upset as i am that you got snubbed by the academy for your role in "rat race"? [ laughter ] >> that's a very good point. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very good point. thank you for asking that. [ applause ] it's a very good point. we have time for one more question, one more question, one more question, one more question. yes, what do you have to ask john cleese? >> i'd like to ask john cleese, what did you look like before you had all the plastic surgery? >> well, before i had the work done, i looked a lot like richard gere. [ laughter ] and so i asked them to take the nose down a bit, you know, open the eyes a little bit, and i took the wig off, and you know. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he has a second question here. the second question is -- >> what is your favorite monty python sketch? >> you [ bleep ] idiot i told you -- >> jimmy: you -- stop, john, stop! he's a fan! john, he's a fan of yours! please! john cleese, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] demi lovato performs for us next. stick around. stop it. will you, please -- he's a fan of yours. he's a fan! 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[millie dresselhaus was seen having lunch today...] ♪ [...rumors of the new discovery...] what if we lived in a world like that? (crowd applauding) ♪ we know a place that's already working on it. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, we love her. performing her new single, "sorry not sorry," once again, demi lovato! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ now i'm out here looking like revenge feelin' like a ten the best i ever been ♪ ♪ and yeah i know how bad it must hurt to see me like this but it gets worse ♪ ♪ now you're out here looking like regret ain't too proud to beg ♪ ♪ second chance you'll never get ♪ ♪ and yeah i know how bad it must hurt to see me like this but it gets worse ♪ ♪ wait a minute now payback is a bad chick and baby i'm the baddest you playin' with a savage ♪ ♪ can't have this can't have this ♪ ♪ ah and it'd be nice of me to take it easy on ya but nah ♪ ♪ baby i'm sorry i'm not sorry baby i'm sorry i'm not sorry ♪ ♪ being so bad got me feelin' so good showing you up like i knew that i would ♪ ♪ baby i'm sorry i'm not sorry baby i'm sorry i'm not sorry ♪ ♪ feeling inspired 'cause the tables have turned yeah i'm on fire and i know that it burns ♪ ♪ baby fineness is the way to kill tell me how it feels bet it's such a bitter pill ♪ ♪ and yeah i know you thought you had bigger better things ♪ ♪ bet right now this stings ♪ ♪ wait a minute 'cause the grass is greener under me bright as technicolor ♪ ♪ i can tell that you can see ♪ ♪ and yeah i know how bad it must hurt to see me like this but it gets worse ♪ ♪ now payback is a bad chick and baby i'm the baddest stop playin' with a savage ♪ ♪ can't have this can't have this ♪ ♪ ah and it'd be nice of me to take it easy on ya but nah ♪ ♪ baby i'm sorry i'm not sorry baby i'm sorry i'm not sorry ♪ ♪ being so bad got me feelin' so good showing you up like i knew that i would ♪ ♪ baby i'm sorry i'm not sorry baby i'm sorry i'm not sorry ♪ ♪ feeling inspired 'cause the tables have turned yeah i'm on fire and i know that it burns ♪ ♪ talk that talk baby better walk better walk that walk baby if you talk ♪ ♪ if you talk that talk baby better walk better walk that walk baby oh yeah ♪ ♪ talk that talk baby better walk better walk that walk baby if you talk ♪ ♪ if you talk that talk baby better walk better walk that walk baby ah yeah ♪ ♪ baby i'm sorry i'm not sorry baby i'm sorry i'm not sorry ♪ ♪ being so bad got me feelin' so good showing you up like i knew that i would ♪ ♪ baby i'm sorry i'm not sorry baby i'm sorry i'm not sorry ♪ ♪ feeling inspired 'cause the tables have turned yeah i'm on fire and i know that it burns ♪ ♪ not sorry ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh my goodness! demi lovato! demi lovato, "tell me you love me" is out september 29th. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ah the moon belongs to everyone ♪ ♪ the best things in life they're free ♪ ♪ stars belong to everyone ♪ ♪ they cling there for you and for me ♪ ♪ flowers in spring ♪ the robins that sing ♪ the sunbeams that shine ♪ they're yours and their mine ♪ love can come to everyone ♪ the best things in life they're free ♪ ♪ dilike, outside dirt,. that's not a bad thing. also, it comes off. inside dirt, yeah. that's way different. but now there's a more powerful chevron with techron. yeah. it has even more cleaning power to clean up deposits left by low quality gas. and cleaning up deposits restores lost gas mileage. it's legit. now with more cleaning power. chevron with techron. care for your car. nice hat! food. water. internet. we need it to live. but what we don't need are surprises, like extra monthly fees. i see you, fee, played by legendary actress anjelica huston. you got me, mark. we just want fast internet for one, simple rate. for all the streaming and the shopping and the newsing, but most of all... for the this. internet for one everyday simple price and no extra monthly fees. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to demi lovato! [ cheers and applause ] john cleese. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- amy poehler, host of msnbc's "deadline: white house", nicolle wallace, featuring the 8g band with daru jones. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] in that case, let's say we get to the news. georgia's sixth congressional district held a highly anticipated special election last night between democratic upstart jon ossoff and repuan