Comedian nikki glaser, and featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 694 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy whoa. Yo, thank you, please thank you very much jimmy [ cheers ] jimmy welcome to the tonight show. [ cheers ] i know, im laughing at it too. Im laughing at it. [ laughter ] steve want some chocolate milk . Jimmy im your host whos been drinking chocolate milk . [ light laughter ] im your host jimmy fallon. Hey, you guys, this sunday is fathers day, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] and if youre just finding that out now, no the card wont get there in time. So dont worry anymore. [ laughter ] lets get to some news here, though. I saw that the Trump Organization is opening up a a patriotic hotel chain called american idea. Its just like a regular hotel, but when you call the front desk to complain about something, the concierge says, fake. Fake. [ laughter and applause ] steve wow. Jimmy fake news. It seems like everyday theres another crazy story coming out of the white house. I read that last month the Washington Post had over a a billion page views a a billion. Steve wow. Jimmy in a month yeah. And that was just trump refreshing the page to see if they had written anything nice about him. [ laughter and applause ] no, no, no, no. Fake. This was going viral yesterday. Trump visited the Supreme Court and took a photo with all the justices. Take a look at this. Yeah, can we look at ruth bader ginsburg, can we zoom in on her . [ laughter and applause ] that is that is the face everyone makes when they see their tinder date in person. [ laughter and applause ] got a mustache. Guys, i saw that this week marks the tenth anniversary of the sopranos finale. And the shows creator said he would be open to making a a prequel. [ audience oohs ] a lot of people are wondering what the characters would be like when theyre younger. So, we actually released a a clip. But, take a look at this. And ill promise you something else, on my old maids grave. I get proof it was him, hes a a [ bleep ] corpse. Jimmy yeah, very, very dramatic. [ cheers and applause ] very, very dramatic. Guys, i heard that the broadway play six degrees of separation is closing this weekend. [ audience aws ] yeah. I didnt see it, but im sure i know someone, who knows someone, who knows someone, who did. [ applause ] either way, unfortunate news. I dont know what to make of this. I read about a new procedure where people swallow balloons to lose weight. Yeah, sounds crazy, right. Not really. [ laughter ] jimmy whats that . I mean, if you have to lose weight, you have to do what you gotta do. [ laughter ] jimmy guys, check this out. I saw that boeing is looking to Test Technology for selfflying planes. [ audience oohs ] as soon as they heard that, pilots were like [ slurring ] what makes this Technology Better than me . Ill fly ill fly a plane. [ laughter and applause ] youre the one youre the one whos flying a a plane. [ light laughter ] guys, as i mentioned earlier, fathers day is on sunday. It is the day we celebrate everything we love about our dads. So, with that in mind, we sent our writer, jo firestone, down to the 30 rock plaza to talk to some dads and their kids. Its a segment called tonight show dad talk. Take a look at this. [ cheers and applause ] hey, jimmy. Im down here at Rockefeller Plaza, and im gonna talk to some dads and their kids about fathers day. How would you describe your kids . I would describe them as very kind and very well behaved. And how would you describe your dad . Very kind and very well behaved. If your dad was a food what would he be, and why . Hed be a hendricks martini, slightly dirty, with blue cheese olives, up. [ light laughter ] do you think your dad has like a catch phrase . Girls, be quiet [ light laughter ] whats your dads favorite thing in the whole world . Mint. Mint . Mint, the flavor mint . Yes. Is his favorite thing . More than you guys . Yep. Yep. He loves mint more than all of us. He loves mint more than all of you. How would your dad dance, do you think, if he if he had to . Moonwalk. You can moonwalk . Come on. We gotta see it. We gotta see it. Okay. There we go. [ cheers and applause ] happy fathers day everybody. I wish my dad was here. Happy fathers day, dad thank you, jo. Call me sometime [ cheers and applause ] jimmy there you go. Happy fathers day to jos dad, my dad, all the dads out there watching. Keep up the good work. We have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] steve its off the rails jimmy yeah guys, come back again next week. On monday, will ferell will be here. Oh, we love will ferell. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy love to catch up with that guy. But first, we have a fun show ahead. Joining us tonight, she stars alongside Nicole Kidman and Colin Farrell in the new film called the beguiled. Kirsten dunst is here. Steve yo [ cheers and applause ] jimmy Kirsten Dunst i love Kirsten Dunst. Plus this guys hilarious. From the animated movie, cars 3, larry the cable guy is dropping by. [ cheers and applause ] steve he was good. Jimmy mater . And we have great standup from nikki glaser oh, yes [ cheers and applause ] hey, guys i dont know about you, but i love podcasts. Do you guys like podcasts . Steve love. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy theyre a great way to pass the time, whether your on your way to work, or at the gym wherever. But the other day, i was scrolling through itunes, and i noticed that theres a lot of obscure podcasts that ive never even heard of. Yeah, so i thought that maybe we could check out a few of them tonight. Its time for tonight show podcasts. Here we go. Tonight show podcasts yeah [ cheers and applause ] steve wow. Jimmy whats that . Steve you cant hear, cause you have headphones on. Jimmy i cant thats right. I cant hear you cause i have headphones. [ light laughter ] steve wow. Jimmy yep, there we go. Steve there you go, he plugged it in. [ light laughter ] jimmy they were both plugged in. Oh, its too loud. Steve oh, too loud. Jimmy our first our first podcast is called, animal sounds with Ricky Gervais. [ light laughter ] now, this is a podcast where Ricky Gervais teaches common animal sounds to children. [ light laughter ] but he has a hard time keeping it together. So, lets lets give it a a listen. The cow goes moo. [ laughter ] the dog goes hahaha the dog goes ha haha the dog goes woof, i cant believe it [ laughter and applause ] jimmy and there you go, its fanta its fantastic. Steve wow, how long is it . Jimmy its its 40 hours. Steve 40 hours . Jimmy 40 hours long. Steve wow, thats a long podcast. [ light laughter ] jimmy our next podcast is this is very popular. Steve its very. Jimmy its called librarian librarian fights. Steve oh. [ laughter ] jimmy and its a podcast where a pair of librarians get in a fight at the library. Lets take a listen to them. [ whispering ] do you think you know more about books than me . I know i know more about books than you. If i had to file you, id file you under t for trash. I wouldnt even put you in the library, cause no one has ever checked you out. [ audience oohs ] your mouth is checking out a a book your body cant pay the late fees for. Meet me by the card catalog, bitch. Its on. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy thats fantastic. Librarian fight. Steve wow. Jimmy this next podcast is from steve there you go. Jimmy there you go. This next podcast is called two guys from boston try to name the seven wonders of the world. [ laughter ] steve two guys from boston try to name the jimmy pretty selfexplanatory yeah. Steve all right. Jimmy lets see if they can do it. Steve all right. The coliseum. The taj mahal. The great wall. You mean the Green Monster . No, i meant the other one. But you gotta admit, the monsters a wicked great wall too. Hey, why come isnt fenway one of the wonders . Yeah, make fenway a wonder. Make it wonder. A wonder make fenway a wonder make fenway a wonder jimmy yeah [ cheers and applause ] this last this last podcast is called the ray romano says candy podcast. [ light laughter ] it is a podcast where actorcomedian ray romano says the word candy. [ light laughter ] lets check it out. Candy. Jimmy there you go. [ laughter and applause ] fantastic. Thats all we have for tonight show podcasts. Well be right back with thank you notes everybody come on back [ cheers and applause ] Liberty Mutual stood with me when this guy got a flat tire in the middle of the night. Hold on dad. Liberty did what . Yeah, Liberty Mutual 24hour roadside assistance helped him to fix his flat so he could get home safely. My dad says our insurance doesnt have that. Dont worry i know what a lug wrench is, dad. Is this a lug wrench . Maybe . You can leave worry behind when liberty stands with you™. Liberty stands with you™. Liberty mutual insurance. Its the applebees big bold grill combos. Try a shrimp combo. Combod with a chicken combo. And you can combo it with a side of unlimited fries. Its the combo of combos. Combod the big bold grill combos. Starting at 12. 99. Only at applebees. Starting at 12. 99. Only tmobile gives you 4 lines of unlimited data for forty dollars. Taxes and fees already included. Thatll save you hundreds. Plus, right now get a free Samsung Galaxy s8 when you buy one. Hurry in to tmobile today. Americas favorite cookie delicious european Chocolate Candy introducing oreo Chocolate Candy bars look for them wherever you buy Chocolate Candy. I decided to see if there was a way for design to play a. Positive role in what was going on in the world. Theres a jacket thats reflective for visibility. A sleeping bag jacket, jackets that turn into tents. I usually do my fashion sketches on the computer. I love drawing on the screen. Theres no lag time at all. It feels just like my markers. With fashion, you can dress people and help people. Its really cool to see your work come to life. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, welcome back, everybody. Welcome back hey, if you are looking for something cool, cool for your father, for fathers day. Why not get him, dada by jimmy fallon . [ cheers and applause ] see, its great book. It is a great book. I dont want to spoil it. You havent read the whole thing, though, right . Steve no. Jimmy its like dada, moo. [ laughter ] its your babys first word will be dada. And youre trying to yeah. Because this is a weird little competition. Steve you just try to get the upper hand. Jimmy well, yeah, when you have a baby. I mean, id love it, if the babys said, you know, anything. Steve sure, thatd be great. Jimmy yeah, but dada most important. Yeah. [ light laughter ] and now this one, if you get it mine has more, more drake. Steve wow [ laughter and applause ] jimmy more drake. 100 more drake. 89. 95. Steve really . [ laughter ] steve in stores now . Jimmy yeah, yeah. Guys today is friday and thats usually when i catch up. With some personal stuff. You know, check my inbox. I return some emails and of course i send out thank you notes. Now i was running a bit [ cheers and applause ] running a bit behind. So i thought if you guys wouldnt mind. Id just like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. Its that cool with you guys . You guys are the best. [ cheers and applause ] hey there, james, how you doing . Happy fathers day to you. [ light laughter ] got any big plans this weekend for the kid . Yeah. [ light laughter ] james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please . There you go, he got it. Jimmy yeah, hes holding it back. Yeah, mr. Cutie, thats what they call him. [ light laughter ] candy. Candy. [ light laughter ] candy. Candy. Candy. Candy. [ light laughter ] jimmy thank you, donald trump celebrating his birthday this week. Which is appropriate since he always looks like he is blowing out a candle. [ cheers and applause ] steve wall. Jimmy make a wall. Wish. Sorry, not sorry. Thank you, Jeff Sessions testimony about the russia investigation. If i had a joke, i do not recall what it was and i am not able to comment about it at this time. [ cheers and applause ] steve i dont recall. I dont. Jimmy i dont recall. Steve i might have. Jimmy i might have had a a weekend with russian people, i dont remember. [ light laughter ] steve i dont recall. Jimmy you dont remember that . I dont recall. I meet a lot of people. [ light laughter ] thank you, holding a seashell to your ear, for making me look like the oceans dj. [ laughter and applause ] [ seagull sounds ] seagull. Jimmy thank you trying to kill a mosquito with your hands. For making me look like a dad trying to clap along to the beat. [ laughter and applause ] [ light laughter ] ooh. Thank you, mummies for liking like tim gunn handed you a a 12pack of charmin and told make it work. [ laughter and applause ] steve fabulous. Jimmy make it work, jimmy. Thank you, accidentally touching your friends hand as you walk together. [ light laughter ] for making both of you suddenly think, what are we . [ laughter and applause ] steve what is going on here . Jimmy thank you, adults who still call their dad, daddy. for managing to instantly creep everyone in the room out. Its like, oh, yeah. [ laughter and applause ] steve daddy steve i dont recall. Jimmy i dont remember at all anything. Steve i could have called the russian daddy, i dont recall. [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, door knobs for always getting turnt. Steve ah [ laughter and applause ] jimmy there you go. Those are my thank you notes. Well be right back with Kirsten Dunst [ cheers and applause ] i believe in me too. I am the unicorn of your confidence hey, leggo my eggo. Hat needs . Uh uh. Not ccc cause i have the and i i. Thats a lot. Raisins. Really . What just happened here . You know the rules. I make the rules. Know the rules. Keep your eggo. Leggo my eggo. Im doing this for you, dad. Thanks son. We, the device loving people want more than just unlimited data. We want unlimited entertainment. So we can stream unlimited action. Watch unlimited robots. Watch unlimited romance. If you are into that. But we also want more like. Unlimited hbo. Can i stop dying now mark . No cant do mi amigo. Its unlimited. Besides you are really good at it james. Dont settle for any unlimited data plan. Only the at t unlimited plus plan comes with hbo included at no extra charge. For all kinds of things. Like walking. Ewarded hey, honey. Dad, wheres the car . Thought wed walk. Hes counting steps. Walk, move and earn money. Goal dad. Hey, we wanna welcome everyone to the father daughter dance. Look at this dad, hes got some moves money you can use on outofpocket medical expenses. Hes ok, yeah unitedhealthca [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we are joined right now by an emmy and golden globe award nominated actress, who stars alongside Colin Farrell and Nicole Kidman in sofia coppolas highly anticipated new drama, the beguiled which is in theaters next friday, june 23rd. Please welcome back to the show, Kirsten Dunst. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy kirsten. Hi. Jimmy you look gorgeous. Welcome back to the show. Good to see you. Thank you. Thanks for having me back, guys. Jimmy oh please, come on, well youre the greatest. I want i want to say congratulations on the emmy, and the golden globe nominations, you got all the nominations you got for, for fargo. Thank you. Jimmy you are fantastic in that. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Such a good show. Thank you. Jimmy great show, but even even cooler than getting nominated for all the awards. Something else even cooler happened. Yes, it did. Jimmy yeah. Yes, i got engaged, yeah. Jimmy you got engaged. [ cheers and applause ] tell me about him. Ive got to keep things private a little bit, but yes, yeah i got engaged we got together a year afterwards. We became really good friends first. Jimmy alright so, jesse plemons. Because i hear thats how you were with your wife, too. Jimmy yeah. That you became really good friend first jimmy yeah. Working together, and then got together after. Jimmy i think its the best. Yeah, cause youre like, i really love this person. Jimmy i like that person. I like hanging out with that person. Yeah, i love hanging out with them. Jimmy jesse plemons, whos was on fargo with you, but hes a great actor. I just the movie with molly yeah, hes never been on your show, right . Other people. Oh year, that chris kelly did. So good. Watch other people. Yeah. Jimmy yeah, hes great. No, hes banned from the show. No im just no, i love him. Im a big fan but, you work on the show, and youre a couple in the show. Yes. Jimmy and then, you just hit it off. Yeah, we did. Yeah. Jimmy so wait. What happened . Tell me . Well, we got engaged. Jimmy i know i want to hear the ive got to keep some things private. Youre making me nervous. Jimmy i want i want some juicy deets. I want some juicy deets. He proposed to you, right . Yes, he did. [ light laughter ] jimmy really getting it all out now, yeah. How did he do it . Can you tell me . Was he nervous . Did he cry . No, he didnt cry. Jimmy did you cry . Look how red youre getting. Im just seeing, his mom watches the show, my mom watches the show, like our friends. Him being like, dont say too much, babe. Jimmy i know. We wont i wont dont worry. Dont worry. Ive wont let you say too much. No, yeah, no, i was a little sick. Jimmy no, yeah, no. I was a little sick when he did it, which was funny so, but thats good. Sickness and in health, you know . So that works. Jimmy exactly, yeah. He had you did he have you trapped were you like in bed . [ light laughter ] no, no, i wasnt that sick. Jimmy you werent that sick, yeah, yeah. But it was like he was wait well i wasnt jimmy did you know it was coming . No, well, i could tell my dads face at christmas. Hes a bad liar. Jimmy he is . Yeah, like did you talk to jesse . He was like no, what are you talking about . Jimmy lets have a merry christmas. Yeah. Jimmy my little girls growing up. He got angry at me. No, he was angry. I was like, dont be mad at me. Jimmy oh i guess, yeah, whatever, yeah, i talked to him, i guess so, who cares . Yeah, exactly. Jimmy whatever, merry christmas. Yeah. That was the best. Jimmy but can you i mean, imagine a couple years back first of all i didnt even think that i mean did you even think about doing television . I mean i did. It was so good. Yeah, when fargo when i was approached about fargo. I watched the first season, and it was amazing. Jimmy but you do giant movies. And then the writing was so good but people watch television now more so, i think people see your work more on television now. Television is such good quality. You know what i mean . Jimmy it really is. Yeah. You do a little indy its like some people see it, but its not the same. I think you reach a wider audience, and a lot, you know, better roles than a lot of films. Jimmy as you were thinking about doing this Television Role are you going like, oh, should i go with television . No, even bigger. You met the guy that you were going to marry . I know. Seriously. Okay. [ talking over each other ] jimmy isnt that amazing. I think thats no, that is amazing, ill name my kid fargo season two. [ laughter ] jimmy fargo season two. I love that thats the middle name as well. How do you watch stuff . Do you watch tv . Do watch it on ill do netflix. Ill go to the theater. You know which theater i love actually. You know the alamo draft house . I go to one in texas. Jimmy what is alamo draft house . You can eat, and you get fried pickles, and you order a a cocktail. Jimmy do you guys know what that is . [ cheers and applause ] right . Jimmy you can get fried pickles and theyre opening one in brooklyn. Theyre opening one in l. A. Now its you know, becoming a a bigger thing, but yeah you just like eat ill go see bad movies just so i can sit there in the dark and eat like, wheres my ranch . I always end up with ranch like all over myself. [ light laughter ] jimmy where is my ranch . Wheres my ranch . Wheres my ranch . Jimmy wheres my ranch . I like, wheres my ranch. I got to check that out, alamo draft house. I want to talk about your film, first of all. Okay, okay. Jimmy the beguiled. Its sophia copola, who we love, and you worked with her now, three, four times . Yes, three times, i did a a cameo in one movie, but yeah, three times. Jimmy i think you guys work well together. Well yeah, its like old school. You know, you dont see that happen much these days, that people continue working together over, you know, their life. Jimmy yeah. But, yeah, im so lucky. I love working with her. Jimmy and she won best director at cannes, yeah. Jimmy cannes film festival. It was so funny. Yeah, i was in italy, and she called me and she was like, you know, can you go accept the award for us. You dont know what you are getting when you go to cannes film festival, and she was she called me, and i was like, where are you . Shes like im on coney island with my kids. So, thats where the best director at cannes was. Jimmy thats the mom. Thats so sophia. Jimmy that what youve got to do. Thats awesome. Thats part of the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jimmy well, what is the beguiled about now . It was actually a book, and a previous movie that Clint Eastwood starred in. And sophia saw it, and thought this would be a good remake to tell it from the womens perspective, instead of the mans. And, its during the civil war, and this enemy soldier comes in and kind of turns the whole house upside down. Jimmy and Colin Farrell, who is just fantastic. Yes, and hes like the only person naked in this. Hes the objectified male. He was a really good sport about that. Jimmy it really was the opposite well yeah, good for you. Yeah, we did total opposite, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jimmy yeah, why not man . Its a great cast too. Nicole kidman. Jimmy Nicole Kidman. Elle fanning. Jimmy elle fanning oh, we love her. I love her. She is so fun. Jimmy she is great. We had so much fun together. We became like sisters. Yeah. Jimmy shes a pal. I want to show a clip. Heres Kirsten Dunst and Collin Farrell in the beguiled, in theaters next friday. Check it out. In all my travels i have never come across such a a delicate beauty as yours. Tell me something, will you, ms. Morrow . Its okay. If you could have anything, whats your biggest wish . If you could have anything in the word, what would it be . Anything . Yes. Anything . To be taken far away from here. Jimmy thats what im talking about. [ cheers and applause ] Kirsten Dunst, the beguiled hits theaters next friday. Larry the cable guy joins us after the break. Stick around, everybody [ cheers and applause ] business can be done from anywhere. In the palm of your hand, and at the source. However you move your business forward with business platinum, its not about where you are, its about where you want to take your business next. And nothing helps you like the resources and knowhow of the business platinum card. Backed by the service and security of american express. Showing up in your and now im sure its more than a stroke of luck yeah, i love you, do you love me, too . Yeah, i love you, do you love me, too . Clap your hands if it feels good clap your hands, ohh all across america more people are choosing nissan. Its americas best sales event at nissan the fastestgrowing auto brand in the u. S. A. Take on every day get 0 for up to 72 months on 13 models. Introducing ritz crisp thins. A new chip thats deliciously thin ovenbaked to perfection. With spectacular flavor. Crisp thins. The new taste from ritz. Try them. In four flavors. No splashing wait, so you got rid of verizon, just like that . Uh huh. I switched to tmobile, kept my phone everything on it oh, they even paid it off wow yeah, its nice that every bad decision doesnt have to be permanent now you can ditch verizon but keep your phone. Well even pay it off when you switch to tmobile. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is a a very, very funny comedian. I love him. He stars as the voice of the tow truck mater in the big new animated movie cars 3, which opens everywhere today. Please give a warm, summer welcome to larry the cable guy [ cheers and applause ] jimmy come on. Thank you. Jimmy mater look at the shirt. I love it, man. Thank you so much. Mr. Foxworthy, nice to meet you. [ laughter ] jimmy no, thats yeah. Tell jeff im trying something. Yeah. Thats freaking me out. [ light laughter ] jimmy is it weird . Its like you got dead bodies somewhere. You know what i mean . [ laughter ] i mean thats crazy. Jimmy just like hidden somewhere . Yeah. What are you do ill tell ya, i think i got to lose some pounds, jimmy. I went for a carriage ride today and the horse pulled a a hamstring. [ laughter ] jimmy thats not good. Are you getting ready for for the summer . Are you gearing up for anything anything fun, any vacations . Well, the summertime is my favorite time of year. Jimmy it is, right. And im taking my kids to the Wisconsin Dells waterpark. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i never been to the to a water you never been to never been to a waterpark . Jimmy no. Yall been to a waterpark . [ cheers ] jimmy got to go. For all yall, including jimmy, thats never been to a a waterpark. Picture everybody at walmart with bathing suits on. [ laughter ] jimmy all right. Waterpark. Yeah, the waterpark. Thats where i found out a a weiner twister wasnt a snack stand, at the waterpark. [ laughter ] they had one ride, im not kidding they go fast these waterparks. They had one ride, 70 miles an hour. You go up straight down. [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah. I get halfway down, somebodys under britches and swim trunks went flying by my head. [ laughter ] im like, what the hell . I stood up. They were mine [ laughter ] the good news was, though, i had the park all to myself for an hour and a half after that happened. [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah, good for you. Lucky you. Lucky you. Yeah. But its fun at the park. I almost got beat up at the waterpark. Jimmy oh, no. You believe that . Jimmy this is terrible. A family waterpark. Somebody started jimmy and you almost got beat up . Well, im in line to get on this water ride. There is a dude latching on this big old inner tube. Jimmy yeah. And im like, hey, hey, where did you get that big old inner tube . [ light laughter ] he is like, what . I said, that inner tube you got where did you get that . He said, thats my wife, you son of a bitch. [ laughter ] jimmy that will get you in trouble. Yeah. Thatll get you in trouble. Im cool, man. My bad. My bad. My bad. Jimmy but where else can you go . Then where do you take your kids . Well, you know we got a big trip, planning on taking them to the zoo. Going to go to a zoo. Jimmy love the zoo. Ever been to a zoo . Jimmy i love the zoo. Yes. You ever been to a zoo . [ cheers and applause ] if youve never been to the zoo before, just picture everybody at walmart with bathing suits on, all right. [ laughter ] let me tell you. I love the zoos, mr. Foxworthy. I love the zoos. [ laughter ] i tell you. But i like a good zoo. You ever pay all this money to go the zoo . Its the worst zoo youve ever been to. Jimmy like a bad crappy zoo. Yeah, just like regular animals. You know . [ light laughter ] its you know you got a a parakeet over there, get a a kitty cat. You know . [ laughter ] you got a crippled llama in the corner. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, my goodness. How terrible. Rhinoceros is just some fat kid with a chocolate covered banana strapped to his forehead. You know . [ laughter ] which, by the way, is the worst job i ever had in my entire life. [ laughter ] jimmy well, look how you gotta say that. Jimmy look how you turned out. I mean you turned out fantastic. Weirdest thing i have ever seen at a zoo before, was a a bunch of nuns and penguins staring at each other. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, my goodness. Oh, god, i love having you on, man. I want you on every week. You know they got horses at zoos, have you ever, you ever you know they eat horses in some countries. Jimmy sure, absolutely, i do know that. You ever eaten a horse . Jimmy ive never eaten a a horse. I had a horse once. Jimmy you did . I didnt know i was eating it. And two days later, i got the trots. [ laughter ] jimmy there you go everybody. The trots [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. Thank you so much. Jimmy you know what i really want to . Thank you. Jimmy i want to go, i want to golf with you. Because i see you on these celebrity tournaments. And you are so youre great, but youre also having a good time. Jimmy, how much do you love golf . Jimmy i love golf i used to hate it. And now i flat out love it. And i got to tell you, i was at people help you, too. I do the tahoe event. The American Century tahoe event. Jimmy i saw you on that. It was on our network, nbc. The pebble beach one. I do a lot of charity events. Jimmy are going to tahoe this year . Yes, i am. Jimmy in july . Last time i was there i was having trouble with my distances. And i met hank haney. Jimmy the one and only. And he worked with me for 15 minutes. Thats about it. And im not lying to you. I went back out on the course. I was throwing my clubs 20 yards further. [ laughter ] jimmy no, no, no, no. It was amazing. Jimmy how is your are you good . Are you a good golfer . Lets put it this way. This is the good news about my golfing. If north korea launches a a nuclear weapon, chances are ill already be in a bunker. [ laughter ] all right. So i dont have to worry about it. But i like the charity events. You know i want to one, i was just at one in des moines. A senior open charity event. And, i get that and those are cool because you raise a a lot of good money for people, help people. And i got there. And calloway cut me a check for 10 grand to not play their clubs. [ laughter ] jimmy they dont want you going near them. You know youre a bad golfer when you make the golf channel and court tv in the same week. [ laughter ] you know what i mean . But i do, i love golf. It is one of the sports where when you get older, you know, and, you cant really do a regular sport anymore. You cant really play baseball. You cant bend down like you used to. You cant throw like you used to. Jimmy yeah. But golf is the one sport where you can still make a shot that a pro makes. You know what i mean . Jimmy absolutely. Because you can get a nice shot. And the whole thing. Plus, i love it for the exercise. You get out. You walk courses. I mean, look at me. I mean its ive been [ laughter ] you can tell. Jimmy i can tell. I can tell ive been out there. [ laughter ] jimmy what, what do you shoot . What is your score . Well, i am between a 86 and 91. My best score, ill tell you what. Im Getting Better as i go. I played bay hill, and i shot an 84. And the last time i played bay hill, i shot a 71. Jimmy whoa i mean thats right. Jimmy so you are Getting Better . Well, i didnt play the last ten holes but jimmy no [ laughter ] thats the way to shave the numbers off your score. It was pretty bad. Jimmy yeah, it was pretty bad. My caddie was throwing clubs. [ laughter ] jimmy hey, happy fathers day. Happy fathers day. Because you have two kids . I like to do that after a a bad joke. Jimmy no, i love that caddie story. I going to take that one. You have two kids, as well. I have two kids. I do. I have two kids. Jimmy how old are they . My little girls nine, going on ten. My little boy is ten going on ritalin. [ laughter ] and uh it is unbelievable. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, my gosh. Come on. That is un its unbelievable. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy love this guy i absolutely love it. I love it. I tell you the thing about kids. Its unbelievable how the lord can create something so beautiful. You just look at it, you want to cry and it changes your life. You know . And then the next minute you just want to pull your hair out and punch a tree. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] and they get you so dadgum frustrated. And i remember one time the pope came out. I was mad at my kids. Jimmy yeah. And the pope came out and he said that married couples should start having more children. And im thinking, well, thats easy for him to say. The pope aint got no kids. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] you know . How about this, jimmy . How bout i drop my kids off at the vatican for a couple hours [ laughter ] and you know, see if you can get grape jelly out of pope hat. Hows that sound . [ laughter ] jimmy grape jelly is in everything. Thats great. [ applause ] oh, god. Congrats. Thank you. Thank you. Remain seated. Thank you. [ laughter ] jimmy congrats on [ light laughter ] dont rush the stage. Jimmy remain seated. [ laughter ] are you on tour with Jeff Foxworthy right now or no . I am. Im actually with him at the desk right now. I tell you what that is [ laughter ] that is tripping me out, jimmy. Tripping me out. Jimmy freaking you out a a little bit. Yeah. Jeff and i are doing a thing called the Backyard Barbecue this fall august, september. We wanted to do you know weve been touring together for a long time. And jeff and i tour together. We got our own sirius show together. Jimmy hes a funny jeff and larrys comedy roundup. And so we wanted to do just Something Different for the families that they can come out. So we are going to take a a couple of classic bands out with us. Its going to be me and jeff, Marshall Tucker band. Jimmy i love Marshall Tucker band and foghat. Jimmy ah and then i think for a a couple days, eddie moneys going to hop in there with us, too so jimmy are you kidding me . Come on. How awesome is that . Jimmy thats a party, man. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, i mean thats going to be fantastic. Jimmy lets talk about cars 3. I know thats the reason why youre here. This is a i mean the first two made almost like a billion dollars or something crazy. Oh, my gosh. Jimmy it is un or 500 million or something. Its nuts. Its the biggest movie in the world. [ light laughter ] its like, the coolest movie ever. I love doing the part of mater. Jimmy but you have the best part. Everyone loves your character. Everyone loves mater. Yeah, maters fantastic. The only bad part about mater is i try to get into character. And so i put on 2300 pounds every time we film one of these things. [ laughter ] im actually down 210. So im trying to get back in the jimmy you look great, by the way. Thats how good i am. Im the only guy that puts on weight to do voiceovers. [ laughter ] jimmy method method actor. [ cheers and applause ] thats right. Jimmy the Academy Award goes to larry the cable guy. Please. Honestly you are fantastic in these movies. Do the kids freak out . Because it is your voice. As no one can do the voice. They think its really cool that dads mater in the pixar movies. I mean it was a dream come true when i got it. I never thought it would ever turn into three movies, but it did. And, and this cars 3 as far as the movie goes, its my Favorite Movie. My Favorite Movie my inside my Favorite Movie is the first one. Because that was the whole experience of pixar and meeting john lasseter. Whos probably one of the sweetest men i have ever met in my entire life. I love him so much. But this third movie really wraps that first movie good. And i think people will really be pleased with it. Jimmy i am psyched. I cant wait to see it. Im going to bring the kids. I want to show a clip. Here is larry the cable guy as the tow truck, mater, in cars 3. Take a look at this. First you find a can from a rusty van bumbum quicker than a dart make it into part bumbum thats the way it done its a lot of fun bumbum lift em outta funk makin sculptures outta junk [ beeping ] whats that . There we go. Somebodys interrupting genius. Well, hey there, buddy. Mater you know i was just thinking of you. And here you are looking right at me. You see me okay . One second there. Hold on. Let me see here. That better . Looking you straight in the eye there, pal. Jimmy i mean, come on. [ cheers and applause ] i love you, man. Larry the cable guy, everybody [ cheers and applause ] cars 3 is in theaters now. Say hi to Jeff Foxworthy for me, please. Will do. Will do. Jimmy well be right back with standup with nikki glaser. Stick around, everybody [ cheers and applause ] all 10 seasons in one sitting. That was amazing. The ceiling is all spider webs. We missed grandpas 99th birthday. Im actively trying to stand up right now. And his funeral. Oh i have a beard. Oh a chip. laughter Binge Watching isnt always rewarding. But hotels. Com is. Thanks captain obvious. How long have you been here . Unlock instant savings now and earn free nights to use later. Hotels. Com. Its the applebees big bold grill combos. Try a chicken combo, combod with a ribs combo. Its the combo of combos. Combod two meats, two sides. The big bold grill combos. Starting at 12. 99. Only at applebees. Starting at 12. 99. were proud to reveal that jim beam black has been awarded the worlds highest rated bourbon. Their words, not ours. Make history. make history. [crunch] yeah [crunch] hahahaha honoo, honoo, honoo flame, flame, flame [crunch] [growl] [slap] [slap] [punch] [crunch] right now at kohls. Take 25 off nike just in tie for fathers day. Thats 25 off select nike shoes, apparel and accessories for dad and the whole family. And, everyone gets kohls cash . Earn it on everything spend it on anything right now at kohls. Only tmobile gives you 4 lines of unlimited data for forty dollars. Taxes and fees already included. Thatll save you hundreds. Plus, right now get a free Samsung Galaxy s8 when you buy one. Hurry in to tmobile today. When youre close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment . If you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. Taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. With taltz, up to 90 of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. In fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. Do not use if you are allergic to taltz. Before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. Taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. Tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms. Or if you have received a vaccine or plan to. Inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz. Including worsening of symptoms. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Nows your chance at completely clear skin. Just ask your doctor about taltz. Nows your chance at completely clear skin. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest can be seen this july 4th. The fourth of july on netflix in the standups, an anthology of halfhour comedy specials from todays hottest comedians. Everyone please welcome back to the show, the very funny, nikki glaser. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Thank you. Guys. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Look at you all. You are too nice. You are too nice. Oh, my god. Thank you. Thank you. I really appreciate that introduction because a lot of times when i get brought to stage, people say comedienne nikki glaser, which is not politically correct. We actually prefer flight attendant, so. [ light laughter ] yes, thank you. I had a female pilot the other day actually and as a woman i was just like, yeah, girl, get it. Whoohoo. You know, but also [ cheers and applause ] yes but also, like, are we going to be okay . [ light laughter ] but mostly like, yes is there a guy in there with her . [ light laughter ] i was psyched. I love seeing that, but our male flight attendant, im sorry, our male stewardess, [ light laughter ] could not stop talking about it. We landed, i swear to god this happened. He is like, ladies and gentlemen, we just landed 20 minutes early. Your female pilot found out there was a sale at the mall. [ light laughter ] i know. I could not believe it. I was the only one that was just like, what was that . Like how dare you say that . You know, and then like, not tell us where the sale is, like where am i supposed to go . Shes not the only broad on this plane. [ cheers and applause ] right . Thanks, ladies. I was like, is it a bogo . Thats, ooh, you know. Thats buy one, get one, in case you dont speak woman. [ laughter ] yeah, Payless Shoes. Theyre all about the bogo. They were built on the bogs and, its like tom shoes where if you buy a pair, a pair goes to a poor person in africa, but with Payless Shoes if you buy a a pair, a pair goes to a poor person who is you. [ laughter ] so that is isnt that cool . So nice. [ cheers and applause ] i love that. So i dont have children, but i have two dogs, and im trying not to be one of those people that is like theyre my babies, but theyre breastfeeding. So, what do i do . [ laughter ] hmm. I love them so much. I post videos of them all the time on my instagram and then people freak out. Theyre like oh my god theyre playing, but the big one is going to kill the little one. He bites her neck, but hes not really biting her neck. He does the same thing that models do on instagram. When they pretend to eat. [ light laughter ] you know, theyll be like, pizza, and theyll just kind of like, set their tooth on it. Like, yeah, yeah, yummy, yummy. And you know they didnt eat it cause the caption is always something like, refreshing,. And youre like, thats not a a pizza word. [ laughter and applause ] learn a pizza word. I love these dogs. I almost love them as much as my mentor Jennifer Aniston loves her dogs. Yes. Oh, oh, oh. Uh, uh, uh. [ light laughter ] jimmy, you guys, uh. Shes so sincere. Oh. Uh. [ laughter and applause ] uh, uh, uh. Im very, very talented. Uh no, but little known fact about aniston, her dog died, okay, and she got his name tattooed on her foot to commemorate him, and im just like that is the coolest thing ever. I am so going to do that when my dogs pass, and so im putting them down next week. [ laughter ] flipflop season is coming, am i right . Like i gotta i you guy are sweet. I i recently quit my gym, and im super excited. It was a 24hour gym. Which sound good but is not. Because you never have an excuse not to go. Thats what i look for in a a gym. I want a gym that is like, playing a little hard to get. You know what i mean . [ light laughter ] like, i would actually start a a gym for people like me that, that, listen to it. So this gym is only open one hour a day. Okay . And it is sometime in the middle of the night, but it changes. Okay. The only way you will know it is open is well text you. You up . Its called you up gym. Okay . [ cheers and applause ] yes. Yep. It is based on a guy i dated in 2009. [ light laughter ] so youre, youre not going to get a good workout. You kind of just show up and lay there. [ laughter and applause ] the equipment doesnt always work, you guys get it. [ light laughter ] i do. I hate working out. Its like, i mean, i do, i run. You know, if im chased. So thats something. You know . I have a friend who runs half marathons, and brags about it all the time, and i find it really hard to get excited, because she is like, oh i ran a a half marathon. Im like im half proud of you. Like turn around, and go back. Youre not done. [ laughter and applause ] im like right . Thats the only thing you can brag about doing something half of, right . Its, im like you got a 50 on a marathon, right. Thats an f. Like, you failed the marathon. I didnt run anything. Got the same grade as you. [ laughter ] so i feel like my nipples arent chafed, and i have all my toenails. I won. Thank you guys, very much. [ cheers and applause ] nikki glaser [ cheers and applause ] thats how you do it. Her stand up special is available to stream july 4th on netflix. We will be right back, everybody [ cheers and applause ] food. Water. Internet. We need it to live. But what we dont need are surprises, like extra monthly fees. I see you, fee, played by legendary actress anjelica huston. You got me, mark. We just want fast internet for one, simple rate. For all the streaming and the shopping and the newsing, but most of all. For the this. Internet for one everyday simple price and no extra monthly fees. You know what i could go for righhmmmw . Some sweet barbeque. over speaker or spicy we got a craving go go go crashing cravings in the crave van. Jacks gonna crash your crave here, try my barbeque Bacon Cheeseburger with your choice of sweet or spicy barbeque sauce topped with bacon and onion rings. Thanks jack. Ha ha piece of cake. Oh, jack you crave it, we serve it. My new sweet or spicy barbeque Bacon Cheeseburger and chicken sandwich. Crave van [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my thanks to Kirsten Dunst, larry the cable guy, nikki glaser, once again. [ cheers and applause ] july 4th on netflix. Thank you, pal. No, im so happy. Are you kidding me . Come on. And, of course, give it up for the roots there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching. Have a great weekend. I hope to see you next week. Byebye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight courtney love, from beatriz at dinner, actor, john early, cooking with chef masa takayama, featuring the 8g band with jared champion. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening. Im seth meyers. This is late ight. How is everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] fantastic to hear. And in that case, lets get to the news. The department of justice charged a federal contractor named reality leigh winner, yesterday, with leaking classified materials to the press about russias meddling in the election. This is nf
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