Musical guest, future islands, and featuring the legendary roots crew, questlove 621 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, hey [ cheers and applause ] oh, youre too nice. Welcome. Enjoy yourselves. Sit down. Enjoy yourselves. Relax. Welcome. Thank you for being here, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it, baby. [ cheers and applause ] this is the tonight show. Today the east coast was hit with a major snowstorm and it forced new york city Public Schools to close. When she heard that [ scattered cheers ] when she heard that, the new education secretary betsy devos was like, hey, my plans working already. Thats [ applause ] thats exactly what i was looking for. But it is pretty crazy out there. In fact, today i saw a woman, she was Cross Country skiing on [ laughter ] new york citys west side highway. Apparently when her kids told her they had a snow day she was like, i got to get to work. I mean i got to [ laughter and applause ] strap on in. [ cheers ] but the snow made it really difficult for anybody who was rujjr city. Heres what some people had to say. This woman said, this is a a nightmare. The flight out of laguardia was cancelled. It could be days before i get out of here. [ laughter ] this man said, my flight was delayed for six hours, then cancelled. I dont expect to get home anytime soon. [ light laughter ] finally this woman said, oh no. Looks like i cant make it to washington, d. C. This weekend. Bummer for me. [ cheers and applause ] doesnt look that upset. Steve really . She does not look upset. Jimmy she doesnt look upset at all. Steve she looks very happy. Jimmy like shes in a good mood. Steve weird. [ light laughter ] jimmy hey guys, i saw that nordstroms stock went up after President Trump attacked them on twitter. [ cheers and applause ] oh, my nordstroms stock went up after President Trump attacked them on twitter for dropping ivankas clothing line. Then radioshack said, would you mind attacking us . [ laughter and applause ] i mean we also refuse to sell her clothing. And we mentioned betsy devos earlier. She was also confirmed this week as secretary of education. Some people arent too happy with her confirmation saying that she has no real experience in public education. Yeah. Well we wanted to give her a a chance to defend herself, so we actually have betsy devos via satellite right now. Betsy . [ applause ] betsy . Betsy betsy hi, jimmy. Hi, jimmy. Thanks for having me on your television. Jimmy betsy betsy, the cameras the other way. Just turn to your yep. [ light laughter ] perfect. Jimmy welcome to the show. I have notes. [ light laughter ] hi. Im betsy deevos. Jimmy no. Thats actually its devos. And im very exited jimmy excited . Excited. To be your new secretary of educake boss. [ laughter ] jimmy all right, betsy, betsy. Betsy, put down the notes, maybe. And lets just talk, okay . Now look, i hear you already got some ideas on how to improve schools. Is that correct . Yes. Idea number one. No more textbooks, theyre too heavy and got too many words. [ light laughter ] from here on out, every school will be switching to a a pamphletbased education system. Take the history pamphlet. [ laughter ] right . It tells how the dinosaurs fought the vikings then went on to form the band america. Which had great hits like a horse with no name. But i actually know the horses name. Its cinnamon i love cinnamon [ laughter ] jimmy im not sure i follow. Im betsy devos. [ light laughter ] jimmy i know. Yeah. Thats correct. Thats right. Heres the pamphlet on foreign languages. Jimmy okay. [ laughter ] thats [ applause ] thats now, mr. Trump wrote this one himself. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, that is interesting, yeah. Betsy betsy dont eat the pamphlet. No. Betsy, no. Betsy, put it down betsy, put that down. Dont eat the pamphlet. Please. Hi. Im betsy devos. [ laughter ] jimmy i know, i know. Betsy, i know that. Okay, look [ light laughter ] um jimmy im afraid to ask, but are there any other new changes . Hi, jimmy. Every student will learn a a brand new pledge of allegiance that i actually wrote. [ laughter ] jimmy i know this is probably a mistake, but im going to go ahead and ask. What is it . I pledge allegiance to the frog of the untied states of macarena. Jimmy okay. And to the Reince Priebus for which it stands one nae nae under dog, invisible. Jimmy all right, all right. Im going to stop you right there. Okay . Im gonna stop hi. Im betsy devos. Jimmy thats right. There we go. Betsy devos, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] thats betsy devos. Thank you very much. I saw that this week homeland secretary john kelly took responsibility for the chaotic rollout of trumps immigration ban. And said that he should have known to delay it. Kelly actually release a a statement. But im not actually sure that he really wrote it. Take a look at this. It says for the record the immigration ban chaos was all my fault. Sad. [ laughter ] i am purposely writing this statement because, believe me, i screwed up bigly. [ laughter ] i am a loser. That i can tell you. I choked so bad. Im lucky the truly fantastic President Trump isnt deporting me to china. [ laughter ] sincerely, secretary whats his name. [ applause ] that doesnt sound like feels like he didnt write it, you know . Steve i know. Jimmy a lot of us can relate to this. Our pal, shaquille oneal, says that hes trying to eat healthier. And hes cut soda, bread, sandwiches and fast food out of his diet. Yeah. When asked what hes eating instead he said, mostly trees. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy this is pretty crazy. I read about a woman in colorado who quit her job because she was feeling burnt out and then won over 3 million from the lottery a a few days later. [ audience oohs ] i think the big lesson from this story is dont try and learn any lessons from this story. [ laughter ] theres no pure luck. It will never happen. [ applause ] hey, some news for travelers. I read the baltimore airport just got a gym where you can work out while you wait for a a flight. [ cheers ] finally combining the two things americans love most waiting in airports and exercise. [ applause ] finally. Thats right. Theres a Fitness Center at the baltimore airport. So now instead of just sitting around during long layovers you can spend that time feeling guilty about not going to the gym. There you go. We have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots, right there [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness. That is nathan east sitting in with the roots tonight hey good to see you, buddy. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Thank you. Jimmy looking good, pal. Thank you. Jimmy his new number one jazz album, reverence, is out now. Thank you so much for coming back. We love you, buddy. Great to be he. Jimmy sounds great. Thanks, jimmy. Jimmy talented dude. Guys, this has been a great week so far. Theres more ahead. Tomorrow night lena dunham will be here. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy common. Common is coming back on the show. Steve oh. Jimmy commons going to do a little wheel of freestyle tomorrow. Dont miss that. Plus, we have stand up form comedians kate berlant and john early. [ cheers and applause ] really funny. Steve oh. Jimmy and thank you notes. Thats all tomorrow. Its going to be good. But first, he is hosting saturday night live for a a record 17th time this weekend. The one, the only alec baldwin is joining us tonight steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oy, oy steve robot. Jimmy were going to catch up with alec baldwin. Then he and i are going to play box of lies. Steve ooh. [ audience oohs ] jimmy stick around for that. Plus, from the new movie fist fight, Joanna Garcia swisher is dropping in. [ cheers and applause ] and weve got great music from future islands, everybody. Steve oh [ applause ] jimmy not that. Thats not it. Steve thats it, right . Jimmy no, that it wont be that. That . Steve maybe. Jimmy is that it . Thats right. Right there, future islands. Thats it. Steve is that it . Jimmy thats the fun thats the fun thing about their, all of their album covers. Steve you become coauthors. You decide which ways right. [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah. cause whos to say, that youre standing up looking down steve right. Jimmy going, oh thats cool. Steve yeah. Jimmy is it cool . Steve we dont know. Jimmy well who knows . Unless you like that. Steve explore all angles. Jimmy oh, thats normal. Like, what is normal . Steve there is no normal. Thats whats normal. Jimmy normal is what it is to you. You see what im saying . [ light laughter ] steve nice. Jimmy future islands are here tonight. Steve yeah jimmy thats good stuff. [ cheers and applause ] ah yeah. Theyre good. Hey, guys, its time for tonight show hashtags. Here we go. Hashtags hashtags jimmy oh, thank you, guys. That was good tonight. Guys, we use twitter on the show every single week. So if you watch our show and you want to play along with us we do this thing every wednesday. Right . Ill send out a hashtag and we ask you guys to tweet out things based on that topic. So, since valentines day is coming up reminder. [ light laughter ] i went on twitter thats yeah. Thats for you higgans, man. I went on twitter and then sent out a hashtag called whyimsingle. [ light laughter ] i asked you guys to tweet out a a funny, weird, or embarrassing story about why youre single. We got thousands of tweets, within 15 minutes it was a a trending topic in the usa. [ cheers and applause ] im laughing at really good. So now i thought id share some of my favorite why im single tweets, from you guys. And thank you so much for being honest and sending these in. Its great. [ laughter ] this first ones from dazyski. He says, i keep snacks in my pocket. Once on date i was caught sneaking a handful of cinnamon toast crunch while waiting for our food. [ laughter and applause ] steve oh jimmy you want some . This ones from wawaiki. Steve wawaiki . Jimmy he says, i held the door for a girl i had a crush on, she said, thank you. then i jumbled youre welcome with no problem and said, your problem. [ laughter and applause ] now i its your problem youre going steve thats on you. Jimmy youre going to have to walk in without opening the door. [ light laughter ] steve oh, im bleeding. Jimmy thats your problem. Jimmy this ones from kt12346. Get it . [ light laughter ] steve k. T. What . 12346 . Jimmy oh, i get it. Steve all right, yeah. Wait. I dont get it. Jimmy you dont get it . Steve no, no, i dont. K. T. Jimmy k. T. 12346, get it . Steve missing the 5 . Jimmy gimme five. [ slap ] [ light laughter ] well, she says, i have a a framed photo of Chris Hemsworth that i signed hanging above my bed. It says, thanks for everything, katie, love chris. [ laughter and applause ] steve oh. Jimmy hes a good dude. I bet you he would do that. Steve yeah. We should get that for her. Jimmy we should get that to kt12346. Steve hes the greatest. Jimmy Chris Hemsworth if youre watching. Steve just send it to her. Jimmy yeah. Send her a framed photo that says steve you got it mate jimmy thanks for everything, katie, love chris. Steve yeah. Jimmy hes a good dude. Hell do that. Steve hes a good dude. Jimmy yeah. This ones from squawkyou. Steve i get that one [ laughter ] jimmy i dont get it. Steve yeah. Go squawk yourself. [ laughter ] jimmy i dont get it. [ laughter ] what kind of a mother squawking thing is that to say, man . Steve hey, squawk you and your jimmy oh, squawk you, too steve squawk off jimmy all right. [ laughter ] meet the squawkers. Dude im telling you this is something we could make this something. Steve ive already got the mugs. Jimmy he says, im a a health inspector. On dinner dates i cant help pointing out all the Health Code Violations in the restaurant. [ laughter and applause ] leaky air conditioner. Steve yeah. Theres rat feces in the corner. [ laughter ] yeah. Somes allowed. Yeah. Jimmy yeah, this ones allowed. [ laughter ] this one is from carebarrett6. She says, my dad makes me run every potential date through the sex offender registry just in case we catch a live one. [ laughter and applause ] what . Steve wow. Show up with a 12 pack of mikes hard lemonade. Jimmy i love her dad. Thats awesome, man. Steve call chris hansen. Jimmy we got a live one. [ laughter ] get in the car, honey. Steve im ready for him. Jimmy this is funny one here. Steve is it a good one . [ light laughter ] jimmy this ones from steve i cannot wait to hear it. Jimmy alicia baltus. Jimmy alicia baltus. Jimmy shey says, when i eat cake i flip it upsidedown so i can lick the icing off the plate when im done with the cake. [ laughter ] i like her i would do that. Steve yeah jimmy i never thought of that. Steve thats class. christyshark89. Steve i get that one. I sharked. [ light laughter ] jimmy she says, a guy i was dating sat down on the couch next to me. I proceeded to whisper to myself, thats the cats spot. [ laughter and applause ] there you have it. Those are our tonight show hashtags. To check out more of our favorites, go tonightshow. Com hashtags. [ applause ] its fun. Its good stuff. Thank you, guys, for sending that in, being honest. Hey, guys, before we go to commercial i want to mention this cool thing that bmw is doing. We all know they make cars, like they have the new 5 series. But now theyre also theyve been making films for 15 years. And they have a new short film out called the escape starring clive owen. You can check it out right now on bmwfilms. Com or you can just stay tuned right here. Because this is the first time theyre doing this. Theyre going to be playing it for you during tonights commercial breaks. Steve ooh. [ audience oohs ] jimmy yeah. Steve like, throughout the whole show . Jimmy yeah. Steve how many commer like jimmy i think its like four four breaks. Youre going to be full on youre gonna see movie, basically. Steve nuts. I love it. Jimmy yeah. Check it out. Its pretty awesome, man. Steve i love it. Jimmy stick around. Well be right back with alec baldwin, everybody. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] this is gus. Gus is a handful. We dont know what this thing is, but someday, gus will because this is the thing that gus will build that will change the world. And this is the thing that could change gus world. Gus doesnt know what this thing is, but we know what this thing is. This is the thing well help gus get rid of. And without this thing, gus can grow up to build this thing, whatever that thing is, because thats what we do. We do health things, and we do those things for northern california, birthplace of pioneers. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we are joined right now by a gifted performer who will be hosting saturday night live for a record 17th time this weekend with musical guest ed sheeran, put it together for a very talented man, mr. Alec baldwin, ladies and gentlemen [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness Alec Baldwin Alec baldwin, you are a stud. Welcome back to the show, and you look great, buddy. Well, i got this suit at from the ivanka trump mens collection at nordstroms. [ laughter ] big sale right now, 95 off of everything. Jimmy is it really that 95 off. Jimmy well, thats a good deal. Well, i want to say that you look great and you are so funny and you are so handsome. Jimmy thank you. But you also, you have the best band. Dont you think . Jimmy oh, i have the best band. [ cheers and applause ] the roots. From philadelphia, pennsylvania. The roots. Theyre unbelievable. You know, every time you come on the show, its super fun. Is this distracting . No. [ laughter ] i know youre ocd. Please. Jimmy i have to clean it every single time. Every time you come on the show its always fun. You never know what is going to be, you know, going to be [ laughter ] happening. Jimmy you never know whats going to happen. You were here with Barbra Streisand. Yes. Jimmy the great Barbra Streisand. We did the show with streisand. Jimmy dude, you did a duet with Barbra Streisand. Well jimmy she did a duet with you. If you stretch yeah. I watched her sing, and we called it a duet. Jimmy no. It was beautiful. It was fantastic, but my favorite part was you did the first take, you did it. She was blown away to be singing with me. She was so blown away. [ laughter ] she couldnt she couldnt concentrate. Jimmy yeah, exactly. Completely blew the take. Jimmy exactly, right. Do you have a clip . Jimmy we have a clip. I think it was let me see. She cant handle it. [ light laughter ] take it with me. Jimmy heres Barbra Streisand and alec baldwin breaking during their duet on our show back in august and i ended up joining them onstage. Check it out. What do you say we just stay home what do you say we just go out on the boat and get smashed and then na, na, na come in and sing with us. Can i go on the boat too id love to [ laughter ] i never thought it could happen like this give us a kiss [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats fun, man. We did a take. We did a take here and we blew it. Whole thing fell apart. Then we did it again, the right way. That was take that we blew, it was very funny. Jimmy it was so much fun. Its Like Old School show business fun. It was just great. Everyone went nuts. But we never aired that. But anyways thanks for doing that. When i did the song, we recorded the song in a studio here and i would sing and theyd put you through and i dont know much about music, they put you through the computer. Jimmy yeah. The juicer, you know, which fixes up that you cant really sing. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. So youre like auto tuned . They auto tune you. Put you through machine. And id sing and literally, like, maybe three out of five cues i would do like id do, id hit it id be like and theyd be like, its close enough. Were okay, were fine. [ laughter ] jimmy i want to talk about this. This is very exciting for me. April 4th, is a big day. Write it on your calendar. Because youre coming out with a memoir. And i cannot wait to get it. I want an autographed copy. I want to read im gonna read it front to back, top to bottom. With all that time you have. With all that spare time you have. Jimmy no, im so excited. I want to know everything about you. I think youre one of my favorite actors, you have such an interesting life. We talked about all of these stories. Ive been friends with you you wrote a book. You wrote a book. It wasnt a memoir. What was the title of your book . [ laughter ] whats the title of your book . Jimmy dada. Dada. [ laughter ] he wrote this probing, insightful, like incredibly honed and researched treatise on parenthood called dada. [ laughter ] jimmy here it is. Thats it, dada. [ cheers and applause ] at least you know at least you know that i definitely wrote it, though. [ light laughter ] i didnt have like a ghost writer right dada, you know. I wrote a book, it was really it was tough. It was very tough to find the time. [ laughter ] jimm