Musical guest ub40, and featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 614 Columbus Steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, please enjoy yourselves, enjoy yourselves welcome, welcome, everybody. Welcome. Thank you so much for being here. Welcome to the tonight show. [ cheers and applause ] this is the show to be at. This is the one. Thank you for watching at home. Thank you for being here. Guys, heres what people are talking about. Of course, its still this controversial immigration ban from President Trump. Over in the uk, a british politician argued that even jesus would have been turned away from the u. S. Under trumps policy. [ laughter ] even jesus. Steve wow. Jimmy and trump said, only if he went by jesus. [ laughter ] and you go well, thats that doesnt make it right. [ applause ] doesnt make it weve gotta hey. But even people connected to trump are taking some heat, like disney ceo bob iger, whos facing criticism for being a a part of a trump advisory committee. Meanwhile, aladdin has been stuck in customs at jfk since saturday. [ laughter and applause ] and youd think hed just take the carpet. Youd think hed just take the carpet here. Steve take the carpet. Jafar got right through. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. [ cheers and applause ] stuff like that. You hear stories like that. Steve yeah. Jimmy actually, get this. A psychologist at Johns HopkinsUniversity Says he believes that President Trump suffers from malignant narcissism. [ light laughter ] the condition is actually treatable, but unfortunately, trump just missed the deadline for obamacare. [ laughter and applause ] just just barely. Sorry. Nothing i can do. But the big story is that trump announced his nominee for the Supreme Court tonight, and cnn reported that Trumps Administration took, quote, extraordinary measures to keep the pick secret until his announcement. Yeah. They did that by not telling trump. [ laughter ] everybody said, no, just hell tweet about. Just wait until he says it. Guys, of course, were just five days away from super bowl li [ cheers and applause ] ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh super bowl li. And a new poll finds that a a majority of americans want the Atlanta Falcons to win. [ cheers ] but lately weve learned that it doesnt really matter what the majority of americans want. So i mean, we gotta [ applause ] get this, though. Tom brady said that hes banned his dad hes banned his dad from talking to the media after he spoke out against nfl commissioner roger goodell. Yeah. Tom is so embarrassed, this sunday hes making his dad drop him off a block away from the super bowl. [ laughter and applause ] ill meet you after the game, dad dont even talk to me. Well, last night was another crazy episode of the bachelor. We love the bachelor on our show. [ cheers ] one of the best scenes was the big confrontation between corrine and taylor. Now, if you missed this, dont worry, because here to reenact that scene [ laughter ] with actual lines from the show are the roots own tariq and questlove. [ cheers and applause ] tariq thanks, jimmy. Tonight ill be playing the role of corrine, a 24yearold Business Owner from miami who was confronting taylor for being mean. [ laughter ] questlove and id be playing taylor, a 23yearold Mental Health counselor from seattle whos accusing corrine of lying to nick. Jimmy all right. Whenever youre ready. [ light laughter ] questlove i hope that you feel like you used your time with nick wisely, because you lied to him about me. Tariq how . [ laughter ] how did i lie . [ laughter ] questlove not once did i say youre stupid. Not once did i name call you, and i certainly did not bully you. [ light laughter ] tariq youre so rude [ laughter ] you always have a stank face on your face. You told me you wouldnt be my friend, because im not intelligent enough for you. You, like, literally said that to me. [ light laughter ] questlove not what i said at all, but youre twisting my words. Like, this makes that statement kind of true now. [ light laughter ] tariq you are just i cant even. [ laughter ] i cant even [ laughter ] questlove you and nicks relationship is going to be built off of like like, whipped cream and lies jimmy oh, my god [ cheers and applause ] oh oh thats the best one yet. Oh, my goodness questlove and tariq from the roots. [ cheers and applause ] oh, my. No, no, no, no. Thats more than enough. More than enough applause. More than enough applause. [ cheers and applause ] no, please. Thank you, guys. Nice to see you guys. You can go that way. Yeah. Thank you, guys. Good to see you. You can go yeah. Ill see you. Ill see you, yeah. Ill see you in 30 seconds. Yeah, good to see you. [ light laughter ] oh, god, that was fantastic. Guys, heres a little tech news right now. Blackberry Just Announced that its releasing a new phone next month that has a physical keyboard. [ light laughter ] experts are calling it the biggest the biggest tech news of 2006. Steve really . [ laughter and applause ] jimmy the biggest tech news, 2006. Finally, kind of a crazy story. I read that seven bricks of cocaine were discovered in the nose of an American Airlines plane that was undergoing maintenance. [ light laughter ] officials knew something was up when the plane was supposed to land in florida, but just kept going to mars. [ laughter ] we have great show tonight. Give it up for the roots, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy guys, we have a great show tonight. From the highlyanticipated sequel, fifty shades darker, the lovely, the talented, Dakota Johnson is here [ cheers and applause ] later in the show, dakota and i are going to perform some mad lib theater. Steve ooh. [ cheers ] jimmy its really fun. Plus, here to talk about his new documentary, eagles of death metal nos amis, colin hanks is stopping by. Eagles of death metal. [ cheers and applause ] amazing documentary. And we have great music, you guys, from ub40 is here [ cheers and applause ] im so are they doing it . Questlove are they doing it . Jimmy are they doing it . Questlove i was asking you are they doing it. Jimmy i dont know. A are they doing do we know for a fact . Are they going to do it . Red red wine stay close to me dont let me be tearing apart [ cheers and applause ] red red wine you make me so fine you keep me rockin all of the time red jimmy no, we cant. Are they going to do it . Questlove i hope they do it. Jimmy yeah, ill hope. Ah, im so excited if they do it. They might not do it. Steve you never know. Jimmy you never know. Then you have to stay tuned to the end of the show to see if they do it, but at at this point, they should be working together, yeah. Backstage, theyre like [ laughter ] steve make sure theyre on the same page. Jimmy at this point, we got to do it. Yeah. If everyones yeah. Oh, im just im so excited about this. Ub40 in the house. Steve come on [ cheers and applause ] jimmy fun show. Fun show tonight. Good guests. Guys, you know, whenever i get some down time here at the show, i like to i like to steve what do you like to do . Jimmy i, like, go home, you know. I have all my furniture in my house is bean bag chairs. Steve yeah. Jimmy and i go home [ light laughter ] relax in the bean bag chair. Steve yep. Jimmy have, like, a warm luke warm glass of buttermilk. Steve mmm. [ laughter ] jimmy and just steve with a chunk of lard in it. Jimmy whats that . Steve with a chunk of lard. Jimmy i dont do that anymore. Steve oh, really . What happened . Jimmy i have to watch my weight. [ light laughter ] steve are you serious . Jimmy yeah. So i just have like, a a lukewarm glass of buttermilk, and just and i just i get on my cb radio and i just, like [ light laughter ] steve big mama, your handle. Jimmy whats that . Steve your handles big mama. Jimmy yeah, again, i changed that, too. Steve whats that . Jimmy well, im watching my weight. [ laughter ] so i changed it again. Just mama. Steve oh, really . [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. Steve whats your 20, mama . Jimmy just call me mama. Yeah, exactly. [ light laughter ] no. I like to go on instagram. I love it. I love i love it. I go on instagram. Steve oh, my gosh. Its so relaxing. Jimmy whats that . Steve its so relaxing. [ laughter ] sit in a maroon bean bag chair, warm glass of buttermilk. Look at the gram. Jimmy no, no, thats not just the thing that i do. This is the thing i do. Steve i call it the golden gram. Jimmy what i do is i scroll through all the photos. Steve yeah. Jimmy i have a giant touchscreen in my house. Steve yeah. [ laughter ] set sideways. Jimmy whats that . Steve sideways, so its like a phone. Jimmy yeah. So i can lay down and just [ light laughter ] and watch, and look through instagram photos. And i scroll down and one thing ive noticed is a lot of times two people will write the exact same caption, but the pictures they post are completely different. Youve never done this . Steve no, ive never seen it. Jimmy its timeconsuming but its worth it. Steve love it. [ light laughter ] jimmy ill show you what i mean in this next segment. Its time for picture this. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] picture this picture this picture this yeah picture this jimmy woo lets take a look at this first example. This is from Chrissy Teigen and starbucks. Yeah. They both wrote 9 months old. And now lets see what the picture they posted. Chrissy teigen posted a picture of her daughter, luna. [ audience aws ] starbucks posted a picture of an egg sandwich in their display case. Steve wow [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy i mean it ages like cheese. Steve yeah. Makes it finer. Jimmy yeah. Steve like fermented eggs. Jimmy a nice bleu cheese. Yeah. Mm. That wasnt on there when we first made the egg sandwich. Steve no. [ laughter ] jimmy egg and cheese. Steve its gorgonzola now. [ light laughter ] jimmy lets keep going. Next, heres one from the New York Times and calvin klein. They both said, he insults everything we stand for. New york times posted a a picture of sean spicers press conference. Calvin klein posted a picture of sean spicers suit. Steve wow [ laughter and applause ] jimmy a little big. Steve tad big. [ applause ] jimmy its comfy, man. Next one is from dr. Phil and ikea. Steve dr. Phil and ikea . [ light laughter ] jimmy yep. I follow both those instagram. Steve yeah, you love it. You love the gram. You love those guys. [ light laughter ] jimmy so i they both wrote, this is the number one reasons most marriages fail. Dr. Phil posted a picture of drugs. Steve ooh. Jimmy ikea posted a picture of a couple trying to assemble their furniture. [ laughter and applause ] steve that is the number one reason. Jimmy it says put the flugen in the hoogan i dont know what that means steve its A Bjorn Jimmy next one is from the aclu, and kim jongun. Steve really . [ audience oohs ] the aclu and kim jongun. Jimmy they both wrote, this is a travesty. The aclu posted a picture of the proposed Mexican Border wall. Kim jongun posted a picture of a six flags sign saying, you must be this tall to ride. Steve oh, my gosh. [ applause ] thats gotta hurt. Thats gotta hurt. Jimmy guys, heres one from the National Park service and tom brady. Steve wow. Jimmy they both wrote, i cant believe this is what i look at all day. National Parks Service posted picture of the grand canyon. Tom brady posted a picture of an offensive linemans butt. Steve wow [ applause ] jimmy next one is from bill oreilly and tim gunn. They both wrote, its offensive to see someone do this to the red, white and blue. Oreilly posted a picture of a a flag burning at a protest. Tim gunn posted a picture of Kellyanne Conways inauguration look. Steve wow. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy what . Yeah, i can dig it, man. And finally, heres one from donald trump and barack obama. They both wrote, i plan to finish this off immediately. Trump posted a picture of obamacare. Obama posted a picture of a a full margarita. [ laughter ] there you go. Thats all the time we have for picture this. Well be right back with Dakota Johnson, everybody [ cheers and applause ] we care about using cagefree eggs. And we care about amazing taste. Because at best foods, were on the side of food. Hello moto. Snap on a speaker. Agine the smart ph a projector. A camera that actually zooms. Get excited world. The moto z with motomods. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey everybody, our first guest how pretty, look at this. Oolala. [ cheers ] our first guest is a talented actress who stars opposite jamie dornan in the highly anticipated sequel fifty shades darker ow [ cheers ] whoo [ barking ] [ laughter ] it opens everywhere february 10th. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Dakota Johnson [ cheers and applause ] jimmy they love you. I love you. Welcome back to the show. Hi. Jimmy ah, welcome back to the show. Thanks. Jimmy you look gorgeous thank you. Jimmy thank you for being here. Congrats on the cover of vogue thats pretty awesome, huh . Thank you, yeah. Jimmy you look gorgeous, yeah. I want to talk to you about some cool thing that i found out about you. You have a ford f150. I do. Jimmy me too. [ laughter ] cool. Jimmy yeah. It is cool, yeah. Yeah. Jimmy i thats my favorite thing, i own. Its unbelievable. Thats my favorite thing ive ever invested money in. The ford f150. I added do you have, like what do you have . King ranch . I have a king ranch. [ light laughter ] i mines just a regular old f150. Its a 95 f150, though. Jimmy a 95. Yeah. Jimmy thats a good year, probably. Yeah. Mines a 2015, i think. [ light laughter ] 2k 2k15 maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Jimmy and it was the 2k15 model, and yeah, its cool. Jimmy when did you get your truck . I got it jimmy in 2000. I got it in 95. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. I got it a few months ago. My grandfather gave it to me from his ranch in missouri. [ audience aws ] jimmy how rad is that . Yeah. Jimmy and is it the best thing youve ever driven ever . It is not really. I mean, yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy well, i mean its just like the most comfortable thing. It is. Its the only thing i have to drive right now, so jimmy what . I dont have, like, a reg a normal car. Jimmy no. You dont need one. I mean, this thing is like this is bigger than my first studio apartment here in new york city. [ laughter ] my f150, its the roomiest best thing in the world. Yeah. Jimmy its reliable. No its really jimmy is yours reliable . Um no. [ laughter ] jimmy what are you talking about . What yeah. Well, its not. It broke down last week in l. A. In the middle of the night. Well, not the middle of the night, because i wouldnt [ laughter ] jimmy why were you driving your [ laughter ] why were you driving your truck in the middle of the night . It was like 10 00 p. M. , which is kind of the middle of the night, for me. Jimmy i was going to look i was going to show a a picture of your truck, then i go, wait, is that what this picture is . Because this is i was like, this doesnt look like oh, yeah. Thats when it broke down and i had to push it out of laurel canyon. Jimmy this is frightening, to me. Its by myself. Jimmy oh, my what, you pushed the truck by yourself . Yeah. Jimmy but youre not, i mean i know. Jimmy yeah, i mean youre a a very normal size. It was jimmy yeah, smaller a sight to behold. Jimmy yeah, what did you do . Did you get on your cb and ask for help . [ laughter ] yeah. I wish i wish it had a cb radio. Does yours have one . Jimmy you dont have a cb radio . No. Jimmy oh man, im putting one in. My the door handle doesnt work from the inside. So for me to get out of the car, i have to roll down the window and open it from the outside. Jimmy thats half the fun thats half the fun of having a a truck. I squeeze i also jimmy i squeeze through the little window in the back there. I go in from the truck and i hop into that little window in the middle. Yeah no, i just climb out the drivers side window. Jimmy yeah, no. Everything works on mine right now. Knock knock on wood. But mines blue what colors this . Navy blue . Well, its actually green. Jimmy doesnt it look blueish . In real life. Jimmy yeah. Maybe its like this is like the white dress blue dress. Jimmy yeah. Because it looks blue to me. Mine is navy blue and it has mine has like, kind of, khaki little khaki pants on the bottom. [ light laughter ] and it it looks like my truck looks like a best buy employee. [ laughter ] and its fantastic. Yeah. Jimmy i its the best but i mean, you got to get a cb radio, then we can talk to each other. I go what would be your cb radio name . My code name . Jimmy yeah youre going to not a code name, its just your i dont think you have i think you just have a fun is it jimmy a handle. Thank you. Oh. Jimmy hello. You just, whats your handle . [ cb radio voice ] whats your handle there, buddy . I dont know. Jimmy what . Donkey. [ laughter ] jimmy donkey . [ rim shot ] what . Donkey . [ cb radio voice ] donkey, this is mama what . What happened to us . What what whats wrong with us . Where why is it why is it donkey . Thats the what . What happened . How would it i was thinking about my my name. Jimmy dakota . Oh, dakot donkey . And i was thinking about does it why do i always cry when i come on this show . Jimmy its painful. A lot of people do. A lot its very yeah. No, sorry. Well work on the name and then well get into cb i was trying to think of something, that was like my initials. Jimmy oh. And i just came up with donkey. [ laughter ] jimmy well donkey starts with d. Exactly. Jimmy were baby stepping. Jimmy i want to talk to you something. Talk to me jimmy can i call i want to talk i want to talk to you something. Jimmy i want to talk to you something. [ laughter ] in my country where we we have a projected movies on sides of buildings. Im sorry, we in, where i [ laughter ] you have a [ cheers and applause ] it doesnt move. Its just just all that toupee glue, just keeps it all in there. [ laughter ] i want to talk about fifty shades darker. Okay. [ cheers ] jimmy fifty shades ow ooh woof whoa. Jimmy fifty shades darker. Brings out the animal in everybody. Thats the slogan. They didnt put it on the book. But, i made it up. But they say it. Jimmy i made it up. We just feel it. This is the sequel to the that was the other movie. No. This this is the sequel to the, to the to the to the first movie, but also the first book. This the trilogy of books. The first movie made over 570 million. [ cheers and applause ] you know . Yeah. Jimmy thats insane. Yeah. Jimmy congratulations. Thank you. Jimmy how fun is that . Fun for like, all the people that got all that money. [ laughter ] jimmy what are you talking about . This is this is bigtime stuff jimmy now i