Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20161118

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musical guest miranda lambert, and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 573, missouri, yeah! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody! how you doing? hot crowd tonight. [ cheers and applause ] great, hot new york city crowd tonight. welcome, everybody. welcome to "the tonight show." this is it. [ cheers and applause ] you're here. you made it. you're watching. thank you very much. here's what people are talking about. i saw that ted cruz is actually being considered by donald trump to be attorney general. though it will be pretty awkward when he shows up on his first day of work and trump goes, "i said tom cruise." [ laughter ] "he's the 'top gun.'" [ applause ] yesterday, vice president joe biden and vice president-elect mike pence had lunch together. pence said, "i'm eager to discuss the issues facing our nation." while biden said, "if you tell the waiter it's your birthday, you get a free piece of cake." [ laughter and applause ] "i do it almost every day." some more news out of the washington, it was announced that president obama's director of national intelligence, james clapper, resigned last night. well, actually, obama just shut clapper off by doing this. [ claps ] [ laughter and applause ] then he was out. he's already -- already in the car. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, he's out. >> steve: the clapper. >> jimmy: some celebrity news. ricky martin announced that he is engaged to his boyfriend, who happens to be syrian. yeah, that's right. ricky got down on one knee and said, "will you help me make donald trump's head explode?" [ laughter and applause ] meanwhile, carrie fisher said that she went public with her affair with harrison ford because she felt like she waited an appropriate amount of time. [ laughter ] specifically, she said it was a a long time ago in a winnebago far, far away. and you go, all right, that's tmi. that's -- [ applause ] i'm not sure what to make of this, guys. there's a new workout where people -- have you heard of this? people crawl like a baby. [ light laughter ] it's a new thing, yes, because it strengthens your core while working your shoulders and hips. [ light laughter ] yeah, in response, babies were like, "have you seen our bodies?" [ laughter ] wrists don't normally have dimples. but, i'm just saying. you want us to be -- well, this seems kind of silly. a man is suing krispy kreme donuts for $5 million because its raspberry-filled donuts don't contain any real fruit. [ laughter ] while the judge said, "do you really want to be involved with another lawsuit, governor christie?" [ cheers and applause ] pick your battles. pick your battles." >> steve: oh-hey! hey-oh! oh-hey! forget about it. hey-oh! hey! >> jimmy: hey, yo, whoa. [ laughter ] >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: well, this made me laugh here. a newscaster in seattle was showing off google's new quick draw feature. do you know this thing? it uses artificial intelligence to guess what you're trying to draw. well, check out how it went. >> you have to draw things very quickly on the screen, and then the computer guesses what it is. >> give me one. give me one. >> all right, good. >> a cannon, a cannon. [ laughter ] >> i don't know what -- what do you do? what do you do? [ laughter ] >> that's so good. oh, it just got so much worse. [ applause ] >> jimmy: "now draw two cannon balls. no, no, no, hey, stop! we're canceled." >> steve: "make it shoot!" [ audience groans ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: guys, this is pretty big. "thursday night football" just started on nbc tonight. that was a big deal for us. [ cheers and applause ] with the panthers taking on the saints, we couldn't be more excited. i saw that the league is actually looking for ways to make watching football more fun, including fewer ad breaks and the difference, stuff like that. that's not all they're doing. you know, i mean, for instance, one extra point must be kicked by the stadium's drunkest fan. do you know that? [ applause ] >> steve: i didn't know. >> jimmy: also, they're doing a a new thing now. referee mics must be auto-tuned. listen. ♪ half the distance to the goal first down new england ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: i think that could work. >> steve: i'd watch. >> jimmy: and finally, commentary is now provided by morgan freeman. listen to this. >> after a brief scuffle, the leader emerges from the flock. he struts back and forth, seeking a connection, but his attempt is doomed. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you see, i think it's going to work. i'm excited. i'm ready for next thursday. as i just mentioned, we had the carolina panthers and the new orleans saints right here on nbc. now, as you know, at the end of every season, they give out awards like "most valuable player." they also give out awards during the season, sort of like ones in high school year books, like "most likely to succeed," "class clown," stuff like that. so, with that in mind, it's time for "tonight show superlatives." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ tonight show superlatives ♪ >> jimmy: our first player is brenton bersin. he's a wide receiver for the carolina panthers. he was voted "most likely to be the love child of neil patrick harris and eric trump." >> steve: wow. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: here's panthers tight end greg olsen. he was voted "most likely to kick snow in your face and say, 'see you at the bottom of the mountain, dweeb.'" [ laughter and applause ] next from the saints is luke mccown. he was voted "most likely to wear overalls as underwear." well, that's smart. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: hey! >> jimmy: next up from the panthers, is ryan kalil. he was voted "most likely to co-host 'tool time.'" well, i've seen him before. >> steve: i've seen him. >> jimmy: yeah. next up is saints quarterback drew brees. he was voted "most likely to tell you that his only goal is to make your mom happy, and that you can tell him dad whenever you are ready." [ laughter and applause ] take your time with that. it's a rare award. >> steve: that's very rare. >> jimmy: and finally, from the saints, is cornerback b.w. webb. he was voted "most likely to ask his barber for the palm tree." there you guys have it. [ cheers and applause ] those are your "nfl superlatives." we have a great show tonight! give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, thank you very much. welcome, everybody. thank you so much. it's been a great week so far. there's more ahead. tomorrow night, megyn kelly will be here. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're going play game of "box of lies." >> steve: ooh. >> jimmy: plus, we'll have chris hardwick and "thank you notes." [ cheers and applause ] it's going to be good. it's a good show. but first, we have a big show tonight. she's an academy award-winning actress who is already receiving awards for her work in an amazing new movie called "lion." it opens next friday. it's gonna get nominated for every award. my pal, nicole kidman is here, ladies and gentlemen. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nicole and i -- nicole and i are going to talk about some old times. >> steve: real good. >> jimmy: talk about her great new movie, then we're going to face off in the jinx challenge, and we're gonna see if we have any chemistry there. because last time she was here, she really -- ♪ she dropped the bomb on me ♪ [ light laughter ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. she came last time and just -- yeah, she -- apparently -- >> steve: apparently. >> jimmy: i -- yeah. apparently, we went on a date. >> steve: yeah, but -- >> jimmy: i didn't know this story, and i don't know, it's just -- >> steve: you didn't know it was a date. >> jimmy: i thought i was up for a movie role, and so my friend called me and said, like, "hey, dude, i'm with nicole kidman. we're going to come to your apartment." and i was like, "oh, i'm on the street. like, okay, hold on. i'll be home." i think i had one of those t-mobile flip phone things. that's how long time ago it was. yeah, it's like -- you know, the one that flips around. so i was like, "all right, dude. i'll call you." he goes, "just" -- i said, "what do i do? i don't know if i even have anything." i have, like, i'm a single dude. i'm on "saturday night live." i'm -- like, i have, like, sneakers and, you know, video games. that's all i have, yeah. and she goes -- he goes, "go get some brie and crackers." [ light laughter ] >> steve: no. i don't know what brie is at the time. i was like, "is that a cheese? i guess that's a cheese." so i go to my deli, and i'm like, "do you have brie? i don't know what --" he's like, "yeah, go right over there." and i got saltine crackers. >> steve: is that the only cracker you knew? >> jimmy: i don't know any crackers. >> steve: is that the only cracker you've seen? >> jimmy: that is the correct -- so i pulled, you know, the plastic. i did -- i opened it up, and i kind of fanned out the saltines to make it look nice. [ laughter ] anyways, nicole came over and we -- well, i don't know. apparently there was no chemistry, yeah. [ laughter ] >> steve: ouch. >> jimmy: but last te ime shwas here, i mean, it was -- you could really -- >> steve: you could cut it with a knife. >> jimmy: no, you could see that there was no chemistry. [ laughter ] but anyway, nicole's coming out later. she'll be fun. also, he's getting awesome reviews for his role in the new movie "nocturnal animals." michael shannon is stopping by. >> steve: oh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love that guy. he's a great, great, great actor. i love him. he's super fun, too. and we got great music tonight from grammy award-winner miranda lambert, ladies and gentlemen! >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: miranda lambert, oh, i love her. guys, it is time for "tonight show hashtags." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hashtags hashtags ♪ >> jimmy: here we go. do you guys use twitter at all? [ cheers and applause ] yeah, well, we use -- we use twitter on our show every single week, so if you watch our show and you want to play along, we do this thing every wednesday where we send out a a hashtag. we ask you guys to tweet out things based on that topic. so, since thanksgiving is coming up next week and people will be spending time with their families, i went on twitter, and i started a a hashtag called #myfamilyisweird. [ laughter ] i asked you guys to tweet out something funny, weird, or embarrassing about a family member. we got thousands and thousands of tweets, a lot of weird people, yeah. in fact, within 30 minutes, it was a trending topic in the u.s. [ cheers and applause ] so, thank you for those tweets. now, i thought i would share some of my favorite #myfamilyisweird tweets from you guys. here we go. this one is from @faidygirl. she says, "my aunt has two facebook pages for herself. she posts statuses on the page, then comments to herself on it from the other." [ laughter and applause ] great conversation. first -- >> steve: like -- >> jimmy: this one's from @baylorcaitlyn. she says, "my grandpa turns all three tvs to the same channel and turns them up. he calls it 'surround sound.'" it's like -- okay. [ laughter and applause ] this one's from @2muchhat. >> steve: too much hat. >> jimmy: it's too much hat, man. it's too much. [ light laughter ] he says, "we celebrate the dog's birthday every year, which is also my birthday. we have to share one bone-shaped cake." [ laughter ] it's like -- [ applause ] what? >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: yeah, and he only celebrates every seven years. >> steve: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: this one's from @monicam.m.9. she says, "my brother once ordered the 'quicky' at a a restaurant. he was ordering the quiche." he was like -- [ laughter ] >> steve: quickie means a a different thing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "either way, that's going to take about ten minutes." [ laughter ] this one's from @samanthalynn13. she says "my mom didn't want to move to the west coast because she thought breaking news would be delayed by three hours." it's like -- [ laughter and applause ] this one's from @andrewfreel13. he says, "a doctor once discovered two pennies stuck to my dad's butt during a a physical." [ laughter and applause ] what? >> steve: wait, what? >> jimmy: maybe they fell down his pants. i don't know. >> steve: maybe they just -- >> jimmy: i don't know, man. i wasn't there. [ light laughter ] "i know i'm just your doctor, but here's my two cents." >> steve: oh, my god. >> jimmy: "you got change for a a dollar?" [ laughter ] this is from @galgosrgreat. she says, "my uncle once polished the front half of his car because it's the only part he sees when he drives it." [ laughter and applause ] there you go. those are our "tonight show hashtags." [ cheers and applause ] check out more of our favorites go, to tonightshow.com/hashtags. we'll be right back with nicole kidman, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ simulation initiated. ♪ [beeping] take on any galaxy with a car that could stop for you. simulation complete. the new nissan rogue. rogue one: a star wars story. in theaters december 16th. ♪ snowmen with buttons, snowflakes with icing ♪ ♪ candy corn feathers, sure look enticing ♪ ♪ rice krispies treats, the fun doesn't stop - ♪ ♪ how many ways can you snap, crackle, pop? ♪ make the holidays a treat with kellogg's rice krispies. start your day with the number one choice of dentists. philips sonicare removes significantly more plaque versus oral-b 7000. experience this amazing feel of clean. innovation and you. philips sonicare. save now when you buy philips sonicare. state farm knows that for every one of those moments... what? there's one of these... sam, i gotta go... is this my car? this is ridiculous! this is ridiculous! from car insurance... to car loans. state farm is here to help life go right. ye stt aheaof e tes==vea=onaceo- ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest this evening is an academy and multiple golden globe award winning actress. starting next friday november 25th, you can see her alongside rooney mara and dev patel called in yet another critically acclaimed movie. it is called "lion." please welcome to the show, the immensely talented nicole kidman, ladies and gentlemen. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi pal. you look beautiful. welcome back to the show. >> here we go again. >> jimmy: no, no. no, this is very exciting for me. i'm glad that you're here. and i'm glad you came back. >> yeah, thank you. >> jimmy: cause last time -- >> oh, god! i so didn't want to come back. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you have to come back forever. >> i made a new movie "lion," so that's why i'm here. >> jimmy: no yeah. i know. yeah. [ light laughter ] the last time we were chitchatting. we were chatting. >> yeah. >> jimmy: having a good time, and talking, and then you mentioned some story that i'd never heard before. i didn't realize. >> you'd heard it. >> jimmy: no, i did not hear it ever. >> no you've been there, though. >> jimmy: well, i was there. but i didn't realize -- >> anyway we have -- >> jimmy: we once -- >> a disagreement on the date. >> jimmy: we once went on a a date together, and i had no idea that that was true. i didn't realize -- but, you know -- wow. it was a shocker. [ light laughter ] shocker to say the least. and anyway, the past is the past. let's leave it that way. >> yeah. okay. >> jimmy: you've moved on, i've moved on. i'm over it. >> good. >> jimmy: i'm over it. so let's just talk about what's happening with you. how are things? how are things? >> i've been doing some reading, and some -- ♪ ♪ dream weaver [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy. are you -- are you listening to me? >> jimmy: yeah yeah yeah. sorry sorry. no, it all sounds good. anyways let's see what else. holidays. holidays coming up. got any plans for the holidays? >> i do, actually. i've got -- well, i'm going to cook a turkey. ♪ ♪ dream weaver [ cheers and applause ] >> anyway. did you just hear what i said? >> jimmy: what's that? yeah. >> did you hear what i said. >> jimmy: yeah yeah yeah. >> what am i going to do? >> jimmy: christmas turkey, whatever yeah. thanksgiving is coming up. >> yeah. >> jimmy: maybe if i'm in nashville, maybe i can stop by for dinner. ♪ ♪ no no no no no no no no [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm just spitballing here. you know what i mean? >> yeah. anyway -- >> jimmy: anyways. >> steve: i'm sorry to interrupt. >> jimmy: what is it, higgins? >> steve: i just overheard you guys talking about the holidays. and actually, i have a really fantastic stuffing recipe. it involves bread, butter -- ♪ ♪ dream weaver >> steve: -- a little sausage, a little sage. a little bit of this. mix it together. put a little sausage in there. go like that. >> jimmy: and he got it as a a fantastic recipe. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and scene. nicole kidman, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] >> well, there's more ot the story. >> jimmy: there's more to the story? >> yes. because this "dream weaver" crap. come on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you mean? >> the buffet. >> jimmy: the what? >> the buffet. >> jimmy: we didn't have a a buffet. >> no, we were at david fincher's house. i think it was david's house. and it was when brad and jen were still together. so it was a long time ago. and you could have asked for my number then. cause it was round two. well second chance. [ light laughter ] and you still didn't ask for it. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know what's going on. what is happening right now? >> do not pretend. >> jimmy: we were at a buffet at david fincher's house and i didn't ask for your number? >> in the kitchen. in the kitchen. and that's even more offensive, that you don't remember. do you remember the kitchen and the buffet? do you? [ light laughter ] see? >> jimmy: what do you mean he had a buffet in his kitchen. i really do remember this. >> they had the food laid out in the kitchen. it was a big dinner party. >> jimmy: who was in the kitchen? >> my agent had said, jimmy is going to be there. and you'll see, that he can ask for your number. because it may kind of happen this way. and you'll see. and we were lurking in the kitchen. everyone went out. and i'm like waiting and waiting and waiting, and you're at the buffet. and this is so true, and you know it. [ light laughter ] and you still didn't ask for my number. >> jimmy: i can't believe it. >> so, you were so not interested. >> jimmy: no it wasn't i wasn't interested. >> it's okay. it's okay. >> jimmy: you're out of my -- i would think. >> everyone's shocked. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: the shock is for a a different reason. they're like, he wouldn't have a chance in hell with nicole kidman. why would i, why would i even ask you? >> he wasn't interested. you're pretending. >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> anyway let's move off it. because we've gone way off track again. >> jimmy: you're the one who brought it up. i don't remember going to the buffet at david fincher's house. david fincher's house? >> well anyway you had a chance to ask for my number a second time and you didn't. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's the last time that we saw each other? >> you're kidding, aren't you? >> jimmy: all right. i'm with you. let's just go on with the interview. let's just do it. how is everybody? how is your husband? how is keith urban? [ light laughter ] we love keith. keith urban was just here. he was here. >> and he's actually here now. >> jimmy: he's here? he's in the building? i didn't know. >> yeah. and he decided that he wanted to come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: your husband wants to come on? he can come on. >> my husband is here. >> jimmy: is he here? >> he wanted to come and take care of me while i'm on the show. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: is he really here for real? ♪ dream weaver i belive we can reach the morning light ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i get it. yeah, i get it. [ light laughter ] i get it. >> i'm going to sit with "dream weaver" if that's all right. >> jimmy: how are you man? >> i'm good. >> jimmy: how did you pull this off? i did not see you. i even visited you quickly backstage to say hi to you, and you didn't bring this up at all. >> i snuck him in. >> jimmy: how are you keith? >> tell me about the buffet. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it was a beautiful array of food. yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] i didn't remember the buffet at all. >> apparently. >> jimmy: yeah this is great. well, this is all fantastic. and this is what happens. i can't believe that you pulled this off. i love you for saying "dream weaver." >> how is the family, jimmy? >> jimmy: we've been talking. family is great. everything's good. i heard that you guys, i heard that you guys -- i heard that you guys. would you ever invite me over to the house? >> he's turned red again. >> jimmy: would you ever invite me over to the house? come by. i can come by the house. i can come hang out with you. we can jam out to some music. >> right, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: you're in nashville. so i can come to nashville. >> you totally can and actually i feel quite safe, because you have no problem ignoring my wife in the kitchen apparently. [ light laughter ] >> i want him to play another song. >> no, i'm good. >> why? >> jimmy: do you do that? do you just play songs for people? >> just show up and play. >> jimmy: you're very lucky you have a husband that can play. >> yeah. we wanted to play a game. wasn't there a game we were going to play? >> jimmy: yeah of course. do you want to play a game? >> yeah. >> jimmy: would you stick around keith? to play this game. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: we're gonna play a a game called "the jinx challenge" after the break. stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i'll have that goat cheese garden salad. that gentleman got the last one. sir, you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. can i keep the walnuts? sold. but i get to pick your movie. can i pick the genre? yes, but it has to be a comedy. a little cash back on the side. with the blue cash everyday card from american express, you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. throw. it's more than cash back. it's backed by the service and security of american express. it's more than cash back. ♪ sing girl, come on. ♪[ singing ]♪ sorry, ariana you gotta go. seriously? verizon limits me and i gotta get home. you're gonna choose navigation over me? maps get up here. umm... that way. girl! you better get on t-mobile! why pay more for data limits? introducing t-mobile one, unlimited data for everyone. get four lines just $35 a month. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: woo! good to see you guys. during the break, i got their number. and i'm very excited to call you guys. we're hanging out with keith urban and nicole kidman. your new movie "lion", we have to talk about this. congratulations on this. you just won a hollywood film award for, for this film. >> yes. [ cheers and applause ] >> yes, it is a beautiful film. >> jimmy: it is a beautiful film. and can you set it up in anyway, do you wanna -- for the audience? [ laughter ] >> have you seen it? >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i'd be -- >> maybe. >> jimmy: i'd be "lion" if i said i didn't like it. ♪ [ light laughter ] aren't you happy not to have those corny jokes at the house. [ laughter ] you're so lucky. i want to show a clip of the movie. >> yes. >> jimmy: but, people should see it, and -- know it's a, well this is nicole kidman. dev patal, by the way, is fantastic as well. >> yes. >> jimmy: it's called "lion." it is in theaters next friday. check this out. [ squeaking ] >> hi. you've come a long way, haven't you? little one. i'm sure it hasn't been easy. and, one day you'll tell me all about it. you'll tell me everything. who you are, everything. i'll always listen. always. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you are fantastic. you know that. fantastic. and i should mention that is not dev patal. that is a little boy, in that scene right there. [ laughter ] this is a different clip that we have, i'm just, i'm a little nervous. [ laughter ] okay, uh, right now, i want to see, now i'm glad that keith's here as well. i want to see if we are on the same wave length right now. we can be -- friends, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: because i have a game it's called "the jinx challenge." here we go. were gonna play this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: now, here's how it works. we're going to read the categories -- >> well, i'll sit on your lap for this. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, i like to sit on his lap. >> jimmy: see if you can sit -- >> happy wife, happy life, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, if you want to keith, you can sit on my lap anytime you want as well. [ laughter ] all right, here's the way -- we're going to pick a category from these cards here right now. i'm going to count to three. and then, yeah, you put your hand in this -- >> feels so weird to be doing this with you. >> jimmy: no, this is -- this is so fun. this is a fun game. >> this is a chemistry game. >> jimmy: keith, everything good? all right, good. so we can't, we're connected. >> high five jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah, were connected, yeah. i'm going to read the category from the card. count to three. you both say something in that category at the same time. when we say the same thing, it's a jinx. >> okay. >> jimmy: we can do this. >> i think keith should play, too. >> what? no. >> jimmy: yeah, all right, good. i'll play with keith, yeah. >> just to show that we have telepathy. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, of course. sure. >> come on, baby. you can do it. >> jimmy: good luck. >> let's see who has got the most chemistry. >> jimmy: here we go. color. one, two, three. all: blue. ♪ [ cheers ] >> all three of us? ♪ >> jimmy: of keith -- oh, my goodness. kitchen utensil. one, two, three. >> fork. >> fork. >> did you say fork? >> jimmy: i said fork. okay. let's get this game over with. >> i was with the tongs. >> jimmy: what do you say, tongs? >> tongs? >> oh, yeah, the tongs. >> speaking in tongs. >> i forgot about the tongs. >> jimmy: birds, three, two, one. >> peacock. >> blue jay. >> blue jay? >> what did you say? >> jimmy: blue jay. >> blue jay? >> jimmy: i should've said kukabara. >> what did you say? >> i said crow. >> jimmy: crow. >> i don't like crow. no, i love the crow. [ light laughter ] >> not russell. the other crows. >> jimmy: we love russel crowe words that rhyme with back. three, two, one. >> slack. >> track. >> flack. track. that's a real word. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: no one jinxed on that one. >> i did, i said flack with you. you did say flack? >> yeah. >> jimmy: cool, man. [ light laughter ] >> that's not cool. i don't want that. ♪ dream weaver ♪ >> jimmy: we'll do one more here. and we'll see who's really connected here. the chemistry, you can feel it right here. you can cut it with a knife. [ light laughter ] by the way, you don't have a a knife, do ya? [ light laughter ] >> come on. >> jimmy: letters of the alphabet. three, two, one. >> a. >> b. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: nicole kidman, everybody. "lion" opens in select theaters next friday! keith urban! [ cheers and applause ] i don't know how you pulled that off. more "tonight show" after the break, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how's your cafe au lait? oh, it's actually... sfx: (short balloon squeal) it's ver... sfx: (balloon squeals) ok can we... sfx: (balloon squeals) goodbye! oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasn't it? try lactaid, it's real milk, without that annoying lactose. good right? yeah. lactaid. the milk that doesn't mess with you. look how big my yeah. ooh. hands arerawr. how much am i making for this again? hundred k. win or lose. total cake walk. ooh oooooooh! her last opponent is still in a coma. what? i should go walk my cats. no. no no no. amy, get in there and fight for your life. isn't there an easier way to make a hundred k? sure. old navy's giving away a hundred k everyday through black friday. plus right now it's 40% off your entire purchase. 40% off!?! you keep in touch with me, girl. i'm going to old navy. ahh! it's 40% off your entire purchase right now. only at old navy! during the ford year end event, discover why ford is america's best-selling brand. ♪i'm on top of the world, hey! with the most 5-star ratings... award-winning value... and the highest owner loyalty... giving drivers what matters most. that's how you become america's best-selling brand. during the ford year end event get an extra thousand dollars black friday bonus cash on top of all other great offers. it's an amazing time to visit your ford dealer. ♪ tony. he's my early morning customer, and i don't think he considers how special of a person he is to me. so i think the holiday spice flat white would be my way of expressing that to him. first and foremost you have to make sure you use those ristretto shots. you have to steam it just perfectly and then the signature little dot. it brightens my day. i'm sure it brightens his. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: [ barking ] our next guest is an academy award, golden globe, and tony nominated actor, starring in the new tom ford thriller, "nocturnal animals," in select theaters this friday, november 18th. please welcome one of our favorite humans, michael shannon, everybody. b ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ howling ] >> you know that's so funny, that story about nicole kidman because, i was at a golden corral once, and i saw a chick that looked like nicole kidman. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh my god, did you talk -- >> i didn't have the nerve to talk to her, though. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, this is a a beautiful shirt. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: thank you so much for coming back to the show. i do love -- >> well wait. before we go on, i just wanted to give you the opportunity, to wear one, too. i brought you one. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, right. of course. >> now wait, i'll let you pick. you can either wear this, or you can wear this sweater that has a dinosaur on it. >> jimmy: i think -- [ cheers and applause ] >> you want to let the audience pick? >> jimmy: sure. i think we're going with the shirt, right? >> shirt? [ cheers ] all right. here we go. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's pretty nice. thanks, man, i appreciate it. >> sorry, i know its hot. >> jimmy: no, no problem. i like it. [ barking ] [ cheers and applause ] kind of a scoop neck to it. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i love the scoop neck. >> yeah. >> jimmy: thanks, man. i appreciate that. >> a low ride. >> jimmy: yeah, it's like a low ride on the collar. that's good. subtle. it's almost like i'm not even wearing anything, you know. >> that's how we like it. >> jimmy: that's how we love it. it's good to see you, buddy. i do like -- that's a beautiful shirt. i mean, i love the hawaiian shirt. >> i wore this shirt in toronto to a party. and it kind of made a splash, so i'm trying to kind of kick my career up a notch, so i figure -- this is all right, this is what i got to do to get attention. >> jimmy: that's not true at all. that's not true. but "nocturnal animals," man oh man, you got -- you're getting rave reviews for this, knocked it out of the park with this one. >> thank you. >> jimmy: that's fantastic. congratulations. everyone's buzzing and talking about it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you were -- i want to get to that, in a second, but we were talking about last time you were on the show about how you're kind of like -- you don't really do facebook and twitter and you don't a, you don't have a smart phone. you had, like, a flip phone last time you were here. >> oh, damn. >> jimmy: what? >> i didn't bring it. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what, do you still have the flip phone? >> no, i don't have a flip phone. now i have one of those slidey kind of phones. >> jimmy: yes, wait, like a a t-mobile sidekick? >> it says kyocera on it. but yeah, it's like that. >> jimmy: kyocera? is it a car? >> yeah it's a car/tiny phone. [ light laughter ] it's a -- it's very frustrating because it's always, even though it has a lock on it, it's always dialing people if i put it in my pocket anywhere, and then people are always saying you butt dialed me and i'm like, well, no, it wasn't my butt. it was my -- it was my chest or whatever this part of my body is. but i don't put my phone in my back pocket. >> jimmy: you didn't try an iphone at all? you won't? >> oh well, i had one, i was in toronto recently and they gave me one to use, which was nice 'cause i could facetime with my kids. >> jimmy: that's nice. you don't have to pay for them. you can read like the first 20 pages of a lot of different books. [ laughter ] so, i'd be sitting in the restaurant there by myself, missing, you know, home, and so i'd go on the ibooks and get like, you know, "the sun also rises" sample. you know, first 20 pages. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: if you do that, they recommend other books to you. >> oh they would, yeah, they would recommend like hot novels, the sexy -- you know. but i'd just read the first 20 pages. i didn't have to feel guilty, because it was just the first 20 pages. >> jimmy: i remember when i was in high school, we had ms. gallagher and she gave us the option to either read "white fang" or this book by danielle steel. >> oh what? >> jimmy: and i don't know why, but that was the choices. >> in school? >> jimmy: yeah, in school. yeah. >> wow. >> jimmy: i hope it was school. yeah, i think that's where it was. i don't know where i was. it was -- looked like school. >> it looked like a school, yeah. >> jimmy: i don't remember, you know. but i remember i was, like -- i'll choose the danielle steel, i'd never heard of danielle steel. so i read it. it's fantastic book. >> oh, yeah? [ light laughter ] so how many have you read now? >> jimmy: well, i don't know if i read any more after that, but this one was there, she got in car, terrible car accident, this girl. and so she had her face, was removed. so they had a face reconstructed, okay? but he also, was in the accident, and he got amnesia, okay. so they're in the hospital. he doesn't remember who she is at all. not like it would help, she has a new face. [ laughter ] but they still fell in love. [ audience aws ] >> that just shows that is, deep down underneath, it's like a spiritual connection. >> jimmy: yeah, it's a a spiritual, yeah. we've actually did a little research and found you "the promise", danielle steel. >> oh, is this the book? >> jimmy: that's the book, and we ripped out all the pages. all you have is 20 pages. [ laughter and applause ] >> oh, thank you. i just, yeah. that's really all i'm interested in. >> jimmy: we researched -- that's the book i read in high school. you'll enjoy the first 20 pages. it's fantastic. >> the promise, man. >> jimmy: buddy, tell me about "nocturnal animals." what can we expect from you in, in this film? >> well it's funny, we're talking about reading, cause' it's a movie about a woman who reads a book. >> jimmy: that is true. >> this woman is an art dealer in l.a. played by amy adams and her -- [ cheers and applause ] yeah. jimmy: she's fantastic as well. >> she's phenomenal. >> jimmy: everybody's great. >> and her ex-fiance, played by jake gyllenhaal, who's a a struggling writer. [ cheers and applause ] and years after they have parted company, he sends her his book in the mail and says, i've finally finished my book. i want you to read it. and that is kind of the premise of the movie. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i play a character in the book. >> jimmy: i think you're a a fantastic actor. in fact, i want to show everyone how great you are -- >> thank you. >> jimmy: "nocturnal animals," michael shannon, check this out. [ cheers and applause ] b >> you questioning me? >> yeah, that's what we're doing, ain't it? >> you ain't read me my rights. >> you know you're rights, ray. >> aren't you supposed to read them to me? >> i read you your rights, didn't i, tony? mm-hmm. i read you your rights. >> jimmy: that's how you do it right there. [ cheers and applause ] michael shannon, everybody! see "nocturnal animals" in select theaters tomorrow, november 18th, music from miranda lambert when we return. come on back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ simulation initiated. ♪ [beeping] take on any galaxy with a car that could stop for you. simulation complete. the new nissan rogue. rogue one: a star wars story. in theaters december 16th. remember 2007? smartphones? o m g ten years later, nothing's really changed. it's time to snap out of it. hello moto. snap on a jbl speaker. put a 70" screen on a wall. get a 10x optical zoom. get excited world. hello moto. moto is here. the new moto z with motomods. buy one moto z droid, get one 50% off. only on verizon. mapping the oceans. where we explore. protecting biodiversity. everywhere we work. defeating malaria. improving energy efficiency. developing more clean burning natural gas. my job? my job at exxonmobil? turning algae into biofuels. reducing energy poverty in the developing world. making cars go further with less. fueling the global economy. and you thought we just made the gas. ♪ energy lives here. ♪ snowmen with buttons, snowflakes with icing ♪ ♪ candy corn feathers, sure look enticing ♪ ♪ rice krispies treats, the fun doesn't stop - ♪ ♪ how many ways can you snap, crackle, pop? ♪ make the holidays a treat with kellogg's rice krispies. ♪ i got it, dad. ow! ♪ we love to keep them safe. so we made the nest protect smoke and carbon monoxide alarm. it speaks up and can alert your phone if there's a problem. or let you know if everything is just fine. because, ya know, we worry. ♪ can fill you with wonder. other. where a walk down main street, and the smile of a mouse can spark joy. where magic is spread with every touch, and always leaves you wanting even more. so make the time... to take your time because one day just isn't enough. here, there is magic for days. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: she is a a record-breaking grammy award winning country artist whose new double album "the weight of these wings" is out now. performing her hit single, "vice," please welcome miranda lambert! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ steady as a needle dropping on a vinyl neon singer with a jukebox title full of heartbreak ♪ ♪ thirty three, forty five seventy eight, when it hurts this good you gotta play it twice, another vice ♪ ♪ ♪ all dressed up in a pretty black label sweet salvation on the dining room table ♪ ♪ waiting on me where the numb meets the lonely it's gone before it ever melts the ice ♪ ♪ another vice another call another bed i shouldn't crawl out of ♪ ♪ at 7 am with shoes in my hand said i wouldn't do it but i did it again ♪ ♪ and i know i'll be back tomorrow night ♪ ♪ ♪ i'll wear a towel like a leather jacket ♪ ♪ when the new wears off i don't even pack it ♪ ♪ if you need me i'll be where my reputation don't proceed me ♪ ♪ maybe i'm addicted to goodbyes another vice another town ♪ ♪ where my past can't run me down ♪ ♪ another life another call another bed i shouldn't crawl out of ♪ ♪ at 7 am with shoes in my hand said i wouldn't do it but i did it again ♪ ♪ and i know i'll be gone tomorow night another vice ♪ ♪ ♪ standing at the sink looking at the mirror i don't know where i am or how i got here ♪ ♪ well the only thing that i know how to find is another vice ooh another vice ♪ ♪ oh another vice oh yeah oh yeah another vice oh yeah oh yeah ♪ ♪ oh yeah another vice oh yeah another vice ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: miranda lambert! "the weight of these wings" is out now. we'll be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to nicole kidman, keith urban, michael shannon, miranda lambert once again! [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania, ladies and gentlemen! stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- casey affleck. star of "the librarians," rebecca romijn. from "snl," comedian michael che. featuring the 8g band with atom willard. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies andentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] good to hear. very good to hear. in that case let's get to the news. hillary clinton made her first appearance since the election last night and told the crowd "there had been a few times this past week when all i wanted to do is just to curl up with a good book ur

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