Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20160604



and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 461! woo! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, that's what i'm talking about. hey. that's a good friday night crowd tonight, here in new york city. beautiful crowd. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to "the tonight show," baby, that's how you do it. oh, looking good. that's how you do it. sit back, relax, have a good time. get loud. get rowdy. get rowdy. well, i'm your host, jimmy fallon. here's what everyone is talking about, here. thank you. of course, last night was the nfl draft. and, yeah. it's a big deal over there. the los angeles rams used the first pick to select quarterback jared goff. he's a college student who just got a job worth over $20 million, or as he put it, i no longer support bernie sanders. [ laughter ] at this point, i'm good. i'm good at this point. >> steve: cha-ching. >> jimmy: yeah, at this point -- the los angeles rams used the first pick on quarterback jared goff. or as fans in l.a. put it, they went to jared. [ laughter and applause ] thank you. >> steve: hey, oh. >> jimmy: there's a couple. there's a couple more. >> steve: oh, there's one coming up. >> jimmy: no, no. but, no, later on. yeah. [ laughter ] the big story is what's being called the $16 million bong hit. you guys, you know what i'm talking about? so, ole miss star, laremy tunsil dropped a few spots in the nfl draft and wound up losing $16 million in potential salary after a video appeared where he takes a bong hit. yeah. scouts should have known something was up when it took him a week to run the 40-yard dash. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> steve: what? >> jimmy: it's the journey, not the destination, man. [ laughter ] here's a screen grab from the video that's been going around that shows him taking a bong hit. and i don't know if kids do this or something, but he's wearing a gas mask with a bong attached to it. is that real? do you know what i'm talking about? [ cheers ] is that a thing? that's a thing. how stoned do you have to get? i need it to go through my eyeballs. i can't get enough. you'll get there. it's fine. >> steve: don't worry, yeah. take your time. >> jimmy: a gas mask. he's the first stoner to freak other stoners out. they're like "ohh!" i thought you were attacking me. he looks less like an nfl player and more like a new "star wars" character named darth vapor. [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] >> steve: whoa! oh. hey. ha ha hey! darth vapor. may the weed be with you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know how r2 smokes, right? >> steve: oh, my gosh. [ breathes ] [ imitates r2d2 ] [ laughter ] meanwhile, running back ezekiel elliott surprised people by wearing a crop top under his blazer. see for yourself. look at this. [ laughter ] he ended up getting drafted by the dallas cowboys. not the team, the cheerleaders. [ laughter ] >> steve: hey! hey. the cheerleaders. dallas. crop top. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's -- [ laughter ] got a little nervous. let's talk about the election. i saw jeb bush was on cnn yesterday. yeah, the bush is back. they asked him whether he considered voting for hillary clinton. and of course he said no. but check out his reaction to the follow-up question. watch this. >> you're not voting for hillary clinton? >> no way. >> and you don't think republicans should vote for hillary clinton to stop donald trump? [ laughter ] >> steve: wake me up. >> jimmy: i'm sorry, i'm sorry, you're breaking up. breaking up, i'm sitting right in front of you. yeah, i'm sorry, i'm going through a tunnel right now. [ laughter ] everybody's kind of getting tired of talking about the election. and i think this one guy got really tired. listen to "washington post" reporter dave wiegle discussing trump's foreign policy speech on the hugh hewitt radio show yesterday. we didn't doctor this. this is real. >> washington elites mock trump for mispronouncing tanzania. they don't that get the most important word he pronounces is "america." tell me why you thought that was an important point. [ snoring ] [ laughter ] dave? [ snoring ] dave? hi, dave. >> yep. >> hi. did you catch the last question? >> i did, yeah. sorry, repeat it? i'm at a place where i couldn't hear very well. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: i think the place he couldn't hear was the mattress section at macy's. huh? oh, yeah, what, who? some entertainment news. beyonce kicked off her "formation" world tour this week. [ cheers and applause ] and it's -- yeah. and actually, she's selling a a shirt that says "boycott beyonce." yeah, she's actually daring people to dislike her. or, as one guy put it, "trust me, it doesn't work, okay. i've been trying." [ applause ] and finally, i saw that the movie "mother's day" comes out this weekend. producers said that they were also planning to release a a "father's day" movie, but they never got around to it. you guys, we have a great show. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: guys, come back again next week. on monday, we are talking to louis c.k.! >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and we'll be talking to our very own questlove, will be actually, a guest on the show. [ cheers and applause ] he has a book. he has a food book. a very great book out. and we have great music from -- man, i love this guy -- rufus wainwright will be here next week. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: first, joining us tonight. oh, what a great guy this guy is. >> steve: he's a delight. >> jimmy: we always just -- we love this guy. i'm just so happy for all his success. he's just a nice guy, as well as a talented guy. he's back playing "ant-man" in the huge new movie "captain america: civil war," which hits theaters next friday. the dashing, the hilarious paul rudd is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] i love the guy. i love the dude. one of the nicest, coolest guys ever. >> steve: a delight. a pure delight. >> jimmy: funny, talented. we're going to do something fun later on, paul and i. so, stick around, and you'll see what we're going to do. it's funny. plus, from the acclaimed new hulu series "the path", hugh dancy is stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] that's a cool show. and we have great stand-up. this guy's a young comedian from england. he sold out wembley arena like two days in a row. just by himself. yeah, he's like young. he's like 27 or something. and he's unbelievably hilarious, you're going to love him. comedian jack whitehall is here, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] jack whitehall. we've been having fun all week because -- you ever get a song stuck in your head? it's just stuck in your head and you go, "i can't get it out of my head?" so, i heard this song. we were looking on youtube. we were looking at different fun videos and stuff like that. i saw this video by styx. s-t-y-x. styx. it's called "too much time on my hands." and i just -- i just fell in love with the video, because it was just funny, and just goofy. i love the opening line. it's like "i'm sitting at the barstool, talking like a damn fool, got the 12:00 news blues." i never knew what the lyrics were. but the keyboard goes. [ scatting ] yeah. ♪ and you just can't -- you gotta dance, like -- [ cheers and applause ] >> cape it up! >> jimmy: gotta cape it up. i got to get the cape. ♪ ♪ sitting at the barstool talking like a damn fool got the 12:00 news blues ♪ ♪ i know. that's it. but it's a good song. [ cheers and applause ] but even -- once we started talking about it, the youtube hits, i guess, went up. it was like in the 800 thousands now, it's like over 3 million or something. but you can check it out, because -- well, we have it, don't we? we should show a little bit of the video. this is styx. this is -- look at this. look at the graphics. the effects. the special effects. and then he gets into the jam. yeah. ♪ yeah, yeah. he points at it. yeah! he knows what's up. it's like a magic trick. and then flicks it over to the drummer, who's awesome. oh, look at the effects. it's like multiple. it's like 100 of them. ♪ and then, he's just dancing. and then jumpsuit from space, this is awesome. look at this jumpsuit, and the guy in the tuxedo in the back. then they have a sketch in the middle of it. there's a guy in a captain's outfit. ♪ yeah i'm sitting at the barstool talking like a damn fool got the 12:00 news blues ♪ all right, that's it. that's all i'm saying, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] talented band. great song. but i'm happy that you let me just play it and get it out of my head, because i've just been obsessing and playing it over and over again on spotify. >> steve: it drills into your head. it's got a presence. >> jimmy: it's still there. it's going to be there over the weekend. this is the last time. i'm going to get it out of my system. >> steve: you hope. >> jimmy: i hope. because it's just such a a catchy -- it just makes you dance. ♪ ♪ sitting at the barstool talking like a damn fool got the 12:00 news blues ♪ i can't do anymore. guys, hey. today's friday. that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. i check my inbox. questlove, can i get a one time? ♪ i return some e-mail. ♪ and of course send thank you notes. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] i'm running late. i wonder, if you guys wouldn't mind, i've got to write some weekly thank you notes out right now. is that okay? [ cheers and applause ] hey, james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please? ♪ [ laughter ] >> steve: he's serious. >> jimmy: yeah, doesn't wear a a tie. >> steve: he's getting a little wry, no. >> jimmy: doesn't wear a tie. >> steve: he's tieless. >> jimmy: no, he folds it up and sticks it in his pocket. >> steve: yeah. like a tie square. >> jimmy: like harry styles. >> steve: or bald styles. >> jimmy: harry. harry. >> steve: harry, i'm sorry. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, canada, for introducing a new law that could legalize marijuana next year, which explains your new flag. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] not bad, eh? >> steve: that's weed, eh? >> jimmy: the leaves, yeah. thank you, cinco de mayo for being spanish for "i'm calling in sick tomorrow." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ 12:00 news blues ♪ thank you, the phrase "get out the vote" for being a much longer and weirder way to say "vote." [ laughter ] should just say vote. get out the vote. >> steve: we got to get it out. >> jimmy: it's time for you to do the vote. >> steve: you must vote in the process, yes. it's a process. >> jimmy: you must be part of the process, yes? >> steve: that's why this government is a bicameral system, yes. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, michael strahan, for exiting "live with kelly & michael." and leaving quite a big gap to fill. [ laughter ] >> steve: hey, oh! >> he's trying to dap me, but it's cool. >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: is there a little michael strahan in his mouth? dave, what was that? >> steve: it is the tooth. >> he's trying to dap me, but it's cool. >> jimmy: like a little strahan living in his mouth. i don't know. >> steve: a little strahan in his soul. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, door stoppers, for always making me think that someone dropped a a tiny piece of chocolate cake on the ground. that's a door stopper. >> steve: i'm going to eat that chocolate cake. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, home improvement tv shows, for literally making me watch paint dry. [ laughter ] i love it. >> steve: what color? >> jimmy: i'm getting addicted again. >> steve: oh, my god, i hope they have granite. [ fart noise ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, liquid gel caps, for being gushers that went to med school. [ laughter ] there you guys have it, right there. those are my thank you notes. we'll be right back with paul rudd, ladies and gentlemen! 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(vo) only verizon has the largest, most reliable 4g lte network. can your network say that? switch now, buy two samsung phones, and get a free 50" smart tv. only on america's best network. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a a very funny, very talented actor. last summer, he joined the marvel universe in the hit movie "ant-man." and next friday he joins the avengers universe in "captain america: civil war", which opens in theaters worldwide in imax and imax 3-d. please welcome back a friend of the show, paul rudd! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. we love it. paul rudd! that's a new york city welcome. that is a new york city -- they -- they love you right there. that is -- [ cheers ] >> listen to -- it's palpable. the energy. it is electric. it's unbelievable. it's like a rock concert in here. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: that's right. that's right. well, we love you, buddy. >> thanks. >> jimmy: speaking of concerts, do you remember your first concert? >> i do. >> jimmy: who was it? >> well, my parents took me to see kenny rogers -- [ audience oohs ] and gallagher. [ light laughter ] gallagher opened up for kenny rogers. >> jimmy: the comedian gallagher? >> yep. what i remember, too, is that gallagher, after he performed, ran through the audience handing out iron-ons of himself. they were like a gallagher kind of caricature. i think his hair went and said "gallagher." >> jimmy: it spelled out his name. >> spelled out his name. and i didn't get one and i was so bummed out. >> jimmy: but you weren't even there to see gallagher, right? >> no, it was just an added bonus. >> jimmy: it was a bonus, yeah. but he would run into the audience and give out -- >> yeah. he was handing out, in between -- yeah, handing out his iron-ons. >> jimmy: and did you -- yeah, well, clearly you became a big gallagher fan, because i have a a picture of you from halloween a couple years ago. >> oh, right. >> jimmy: this is you with the watermelon. [ light laughter ] >> he clearly made an impression on me. >> jimmy: he did. that's a big -- that's a decent sized watermelon. >> you know what was -- i didn't take into consideration was the fact that i'd have to carry a watermelon around all night. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but that was part of his act. he would smash watermelons. >> uh-huh, yeah. >> jimmy: that was a big deal. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: every kid loved that. >> sledge-o-matic. >> jimmy: sledge-o-matic. absolutely, yeah. but you could have chosen like a smaller watermelon. >> you know what? honestly, i stopped at like a a deli on the way to the party. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. you weren't even going to bring a watermelon. >> that was a -- that halloween party was a a party that was hosted by seth herzog, your warm-up guy. >> jimmy: oh, we love seth. we love seth. [ cheers and applause ] >> what was your first concert? >> jimmy: my first concert was "weird al" yankovich. [ light laughter ] in utica, in upstate new york. i went with my parents. it was the "dare to be stupid" tour and it was one of the best things ever. i just -- it was fantastic. [ laughter ] >> do you remember any other rock shows that you might have been at? >> jimmy: sure. [ laughter ] >> any specific ones come to mind? >> jimmy: did i go with you to a concert? did we see a -- >> this is a bit, right? you're doing a bit? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> what you've been playing all week. i thought -- >> jimmy: you talking about styx? >> yeah, our band styx. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: our band? how is that our band? it's america's band, styx. >> we were in styx. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are you having a a stroke right now? is everything all right? [ laughter ] what are you talking -- >> first of all, do you remember even shooting the video for "too much time on my hands"? >> jimmy: no, i don't recall this. we were -- we've been playing it all week. >> yeah, i know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, we could play it. but maybe i have to look closer. >> play it again and -- yes. >> jimmy: we're in -- >> you'll see what i'm talking about. >> jimmy: all right. look closely and see if you see me and paul rudd in styx's "too much time on my hands" video. ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ sitting on this barstool talking like a damn fool got the twelve o'clock news blues ♪ ♪ and i've given up hope on the afternoon soaps and a bottle of cold brew ♪ ♪ is it any wonder i'm not crazy is it any wonder i'm sane at all ♪ ♪ i'm so tired of losing i got nothing to do and all day to do it ♪ ♪ i go out cruisin' but i've no place to go and all night to get there ♪ ♪ is it any wonder i'm not a criminal is it any wonder i'm not in jail ♪ ♪ is it any wonder i've got too much time on my hands it's ticking away with my sanity ♪ ♪ i've got too much time on my hands it's hard to believe such a calamity ♪ ♪ i've got too much time on my hands and it's ticking away ticking away from me ♪ ♪ too much time on my hands too much time on my hands too much time on my hands ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: yeah. >> you remember now? >> jimmy: yeah. well now that i look closely. yeah, i guess we were in that video. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that styx video, yeah. >> i remember, you were so upset, because you said that my blond hair didn't really go with my dark beard. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i didn't know that you were going to show up that night with a beard. [ light laughter ] when we shot that video. how great are the costumes of that band? >> i know, they're so disparate. it makes the village people look like there's a unifying theme. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they walked out of the dressing room, guy's like "we're not doing the ship captain theme?" >> or the prom tux. >> jimmy: the one guy's in a a tux and you're in a teal jump suit. and the other guy is like a a space jump suit. >> yeah. >> jimmy: in space. >> and you kind of looked a a little bit like a western sarsaparilla bartender mixed with doug henning. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i looked a little bit weirder than the real guy. but yeah, they all had different ideas. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: it's a great halloween costume. >> the whole band. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. go as the whole band. >> people go, "oh, you guys are styx." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. well, thank you for reminding me that we're in that video. i forgot all about that. >> no, no, that was a lot of fun. a lot of great memories going back to shooting that video all those years ago. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, it was a long time ago. that was a long night last night. [ laughter ] guys, more with paul rudd after the break. we have to talk about "the avengers." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ whatcha gonna do when you get outta here? ♪ ♪ i'm gonna have some fun! ♪ ♪ what do you consider fun? ♪ fun, natural fun. ♪ yeah, we rocking right now. ♪ ♪ it's a party over here. ♪ hey! ♪ i'm in heaven! ♪ ♪ owww. ♪ ♪ ♪ can you say i love it? ♪ oh love it? ♪ can you say hey? ♪ hey! ♪ that's the spirit! oooooh.♪ ♪ ooh ooh ♪ wooh ooh ♪ wooh ooh ♪ sing sing, baby baby i love you. oh yes.♪ ♪ ooooh oooh. ♪ every little thing. hey, can we get some beers? beer! ice cold beer! ♪ ooooh oooh. what beer? ummmm... redd's apple ale! i'll take one too. me too! hey! redd's apple ale! redd's apple ale. crisp like an apple. brewed like a beer. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back with the great paul rudd, everybody. he's back on the big screen -- [ cheers ] -- as ant-man in "captain america: civil war" which is in theaters worldwide next friday in imax and imax 3-d. thanks again for doing that -- that styx thing, that was just so fun. >> oh man, it was a blast. thank you. >> jimmy: you are an actual fan of styx. which are a great band. >> that was actually one of the very first concerts, like maybe right after kenny rogers i did go to see styx in concert. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, double feature, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> it was my friend casey's birthday. i think we were in like fourth or fifth grade and his dad took us to go see -- i think it was the "kilroy was here" tour. >> jimmy: yeah, that's "mr. roboto." >> the "mr. roboto" tour. >> jimmy: they were a great band. you've got heavy songs, like metal, hard rock songs. then you would get really soft ballady songs, then back to hard rock songs, then "mr. roboto." >> "mr. roboto" which is kind of its own category. >> jimmy: didn't see that punch coming at all. >> nobody saw that coming>> jimmy: by the way, i should tell everybody, that's paul, really singing in that video. so, if you watch that again. [ cheers and applause ] thank you for coming in earlier in the week recording it and doing it. you clearly are a fan. you knew every word, and -- >> i watched that video a lot this last week. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: sadly i think i forced america to watch it. yeah. [ light laughter ] the one thing -- speaking of segue ways. i watched and i thoroughly enjoyed watching is you as ant-man in the new "captain america: civil war" movie. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: you're fantastic in it. and, of course i never wt to give spoilers away, so i won't say anything. but i can say "the avengers" are in this film. can i? no? >> yeah, yeah. i think people know that. >> jimmy: okay, they know that.]e good. [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, 'cause they're -- yeah, the trailer just says, "just watch it." >> yeah. you're going to freak out. there might be some familiar faces. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but it pays off in every -- you know, all the other movies come together. the studio described it as the first film in phase three of the marvel cinematic universe. >> ah. all right. [ laughter ] that sounds, i mean, come on. >> jimmy: almost phase three. >> it's almost phase three. >> jimmy: phase one, dude. you want to be on board. >> you got, i mean -- phase three. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, no. no. >> we can't even talk about phase three. >> jimmy: no spoilers. >> yeah. i mean, you thought phase one was good. and it was good. >> jimmy: that was good. no, trust me. >> and then you're like, what's after phase one? well phase two. >> jimmy: phase dos. yeah. >> get ready. this is one better than that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: phase three. >> phase three. >> jimmy: but is this phase three or starting with three and going to one? >> i don't know. i don't even know how it's all figured. [ laughter ] they actually talk about, there are different phases. but i, honestly, i can't figure it out. >> jimmy: no, you don't know, you're -- >> i don't know what's what. >> jimmy: you just came on board. i can't even talk about the film because you do -- it's cool. well, you'll see it. >> you can talk about it. the avengers are in it. >> jimmy: the avengers are in it. we can say -- can i say spider-man's in this one? >> well, i guess you can now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know what i can talk about. i think if people know about it -- >> you can say -- people know it. >> jimmy: that's all i will say. basically, it's almost like iron man is fighting captain america. >> it's not even almost, it is. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know what i can say. i don't know what i can talk about. i don't work for marvel but i don't want to ruin anything and have them get angry at me. >> well, let me -- i'll tell you a little bit. first all, it's a phase three. >> jimmy: no, no, no, that doesn't help. [ laughter ] not helping. we have a clip. here's paul rudd as ant-man meeting some of the other avengers for the first time in "captain america: civil war" in theaters next friday. check this out. ♪ ♪ is it any wonder i'm not crazy [ laughter ] is it any wonder i'm sane at all ♪ ♪ i'm so tired of losing i got nothing to do ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was phase one, i apologize. something must have happened. here's the real clip of "captain america civil war." [ laughter ] was that the avengers? were any of the avengers in that? >> that was. [ laughter ] that was chris evans on bass. >> jimmy: chris evans on bass guar. okay, fantastic, i didn't realize. i'm sorry. here is the clip, "captain america: civil war" in theaters. this is real, next friday. [ laughter ] >> how about our other recruit? >> he's raring to go. >> had to put a little coffee in him, but he should be good. >> what time zone is this? >> come on. come on. >> captain america. >> mr. lang. >> it's an honor. i'm shaking your hand too long. wow, this is awesome. captain america. i know you, too. you're great. [ light laughter ] geez. look, i want to say, i know you know a lot of super-people so -- thinks for thanking of me. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: thinks for thanking of me. our thinks to paul rudd, everybody! "captain america: civil war" is in theaters everywhere next friday! we love him. hugh dancy joins us after the break. stick around, everybody! 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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> oh, good evening, new york city! [ cheers and applause ] i love this city. i love this city, because this is the only city in the world where you are as grumpy as we are in britain. [ laughter ] the minute you get off the plane it starts. even the guy stamping the passports was terrifying. no word of a lie, he was like, "what is your occupation?" i was like, "comedian." "are you as funny as jerry seinfeld?" "uh, no?" "correct." [ laughter and applause ] thank you. you also drink -- you drink like we do in britain. that's great. not like l.a. i went to l.a. i heard sentences i've never heard before in my life. sentences like, "oh, my god, did you see larry? larry had four glasses of wine with dinner. i think larry may be an alcoholic." [ laughter ] wow. four glasses of wine with dinner in l.a., you're an alcoholic. four glasses of wine with dinner in britain, you're the designated driver. [ laughter and applause ] i've been complimented on my accent here. that never normally happens. someone said my accent was sexy the other day. [ cheers ] no, no, no. this is not a voice you want to hear in the bedroom, all right. i don't like talking in the bedroom. i think that sex should be a a swift, silent and clinical procedure, right. [ laughter ] whenever i do talk, always a a disaster. the other day, i was having the sex. [ light laughter ] yes. with my girlfriend. no, i wasn't. sorry. i just remembered, my girlfriend said i could only say this on tv if i said it was a friend of mine. a friend of mine was having sex with my girlfriend. [ laughter ] and it got to that bit at the end, that little post-coital moment of silence where someone has to say something. i said the most british thing that has ever been said in the bedroom. i finished and went, "ah, well, bravo?" [ laughter and applause ] five years. five years. we've been going out five years, right? we had the five-year conversation the other day. she was like, "i can't keep introducing you as my boyfriend. that's so childish. i could call you my partner, but that's quite formal. lover, soulmate." i was like, "landlord is fine." [ laughter ] "landlord, what, and i'm your tenant?" "no, tenants pay rent." [ laughter ] squatter. i love joking as well with the language barrier. that's what's great about being here. i went to spain recently. it was a disaster. i went to this restaurant. i needed to go to the restroom. i don't want to go into too much detail, but i needed to drop the kids off at the pool. all right? [ laughter ] so i did that. i go to flush, it doesn't work. i flush again, still not working. five, six, seven times i try to flush this thing down, it will not go. so, i'm like, "i'm going to do the right thing here. i'm not going to do a hit and run. i will go out and inform a a member of staff there is a a problem with their facilities." i go into the restaurant, i find a waiter. unfortunately, i don't speak any spanish, he doesn't speak a a word of english. i end up having to kind of gesture to this man. [ light laughter ] i'm like, "yes, can you just come here? yes, leave them alone, sir. yes. just follow me. si, si, por favor. just in here. yeah." i managed to usher him into the restroom. i pointed at my poo. i went to flush. it went down straight away. [ laughter ] how weird did i look? like i just invited a waiter into the restroom to say good-bye to my turd! come on, let's give it a proper sendoff flush. rule britannia! britannia rule the way! [ cheers and applause ] that is insane. i've always been very uptight. very sensitive. as a child, i would not go into school if i was not feeling emotionally stable enough to do so. the arguments i had with my poor mother. she'd be like, "jack, you have to go in to school today." i was like, "mother, i am in mourning. have some damn respect, woman. don't you dare give me all this, 'he was just a lion.' mustafa was a king!" [ laughter ] i loved that film. "lion king" is my favorite film. i'm not ashamed to say i'm a a grown man, that's my favorite film. i've had fights with people about "the lion king." i had a fight the other day with this girl. she was an absolute idiot. one of these hipster types, okay? you know the hipsters? she had that haircut where she just shaved half the side of her head. what is that? you look like you've gone to join the marines and then wimped out at the last minute. [ laughter and applause ] this was her quote. get ready for it, because it is a humdinger of a quote. i was like, "'the lion king' is my favorite film." she went, "that can't be your favorite film. 'the lion king' is a kid's film." [ laughter ] kid's film. yes, boo indeed. just a kid's film, is it? just a kid's film with a a consolidated imdb rating of 8.5. two academy awards, two golden globes that's been adapted into the most successful broadway musical of all time, generating a net gross profit of $800 million and counting. oh, but maybe it's just a kid's film, because it doesn't deal with any mature themes, said nobody ever. "the lion king" is the greatest anthropomorphic assault upon the theme of mortality that western culture has ever produced. it is so complex that your tiny shriveled ant scrotum of a a brain wouldn't dare to fathom it. so, no, it is not just a kid's film. it is shakespeare with fur. [ cheers and applause ] yes. is the response i thought of three hours later. [ laughter ] guys, you've been wonderful. thank you very much, good night. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey, man. that's how you do it, brother. that's a home run. jack whitehall! [ cheers and applause ] check out "mother's day" in theaters now. we'll be right back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, guys, so much. what a fun show tonight. thank you to paul rudd, hugh dancy, jack whitehall, once again! and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you so much for watching. have a great weekend. i hope to see you next week. bye, everybody. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- the lonely island -- andy samberg, akiva schaffer, jorma taccone, star of "maggie's plan", actress nbc-universal television greta gerwig, an all new "second chance theatre", featuring the 8g band with allison miller. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. kentucky and oregon both held their democratic primary elections today. bernie sanders said he thinks he can win both of them. and hillary clinton said, "how many damn states are there?

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