The white house is the average length of employment there. [ laughter and applause ] former White House Communications director Anthony Scaramucci was reportedly seen yesterday, eating dinner at the trump hotel after being removed from his position. And apparently he was very rude to the waiter. [ laughter and applause ] white house officials yesterday say they hope to have a bill on the tax reform sent to President Trump before december. December . Do you know how much time could happen between now and december . Thats 12 scaramuccis from now. [ laughter and applause ] according to nbc, ivanka and First Lady Melania Trump were disgusted by scaramuccis crude comments to the new yorker. They say they absolutely will not tolerate that kind of language from someone whos will they are not in. [ laughter and applause ] thats where they draw the line. [ cheers and applause ] White House Press secretary Sarah Huckabee sanders said yesterday, that everybody in the administration will report to the new chief of staff, john kelly. And by the looks of him, im guessing casual friday is a no go. [ light laughter ] general john f. Kelly yesterday began his tenure as white house chief of staff, but after serving as secretary of Homeland Security for only six months, we still dont know much about him. Which brings us to a segment called getting to know general john f. Kelly. Seth hes a retired marine corps general. Hes twice won the legion of merit. His wifes name is kelly f. John. [ laughter ] he doesnt trust Jared Kushner as far as he can throw him, which is 100 yards. [ light laughter ] youre goddamned right he ordered the code red. [ light laughter ] his full name is john francis kelly, but his friends call him, infrequently. [ light laughter ] they call him the general, cause he loves to get tanked. [ light laughter ] instead of making love, he calls it civilian engagement. [ light laughter ] his dream is to move to the footloose town where no one can dance. [ light laughter ] if a kid says knock knock, hell say go away. [ light laughter ] he had to explain to don junior that semper fi isnt his fraternity. [ light laughter ] and finally, hes not bald, he just thinks hair is for pussies. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this has been getting to know general john f. Kelly. According to Foreign Policy magazine, President Trumps soninlaw and adviser Jared Kushner told a group of congressional interns that Trumps Campaign was too disorganized to collude with russia. Said the interns, were a tour group. [ light laughter ] are you sure youre supposed to be telling us that . A couple recently i feel very confident about this joke, it hasnt worked all day. [ light laughter ] lets hear it. Seth i feel confident that you guys are the first ones that are going to go for it. [ light laughter ] a couple recently got married on a roller coaster at a massachusetts amusement park, while their wedding guests were on the ride with them. And this is cool, the reception was open barf. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] all right. Yeah, good old sympathy applause. [ light laughter ] according to new research, analyzing tweets for information about social events can help predict where crimes are likely to occur. Like this one. [ laughter ] at the very least, a crime against music. [ light laughter ] singer sia has announced that she will be releasing a christmas album this year, where she will debut her new song, i did not see mommy kissing santa claus. [ light laughter ] a new article has been published ranking new york citys best public restrooms. So congratulations yet again to the subway. [ light laughter ] [ audience ews ] and finally, con ed utility workers in new york city yesterday, recovered a womans lost wedding ring from the bottom of a city sewer. Said the woman, eh, keep it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. Hes one of our favorites, and hes starring in a very cool new movie, the dark tower. Idris elba is back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] she is one of the stars of hulus the handmaids tale. She was absolutely fantastic in it, Alexis Bledel joins us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and very excited about this. Were going to be cooking up scotch eggs, some amazing dessert, maybe some scotch, with chef michael voltaggio. So youre here on a great night, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] before we get to that, while the white house is engulfed in scandal and chaos, it may seem like President Trump is getting nothing done. But thats not necessarily the case. For example, hes already signed an executive order on religious liberties. So we decided to take a break from the breaking news of the day and look at trumps evolving views on religion, faith, and the separation of church and state. Its time for the checkin. [ cheers and applause ] seth now that hes president , trump is realizing just how difficult the job is. And he doesnt have much to show for it. His Health Care Bill failed, theres constant in fighting and staff changes in the white house. And of course, the russia Investigation Continues to loom over him. And its often in dark times like this, that a man will turn to god. Take care of the people god put into your life. We want our children to know the blessings of god. Have a great life, and love your country. And love your god, okay . [ light laughter ] in america, we dont worship government, we worship god. Seth oh, dont worry, nobody is worshipping government. [ laughter ] i didnt take three hours at the dmv, because i had to push through throngs of worshippers. [ light laughter ] in fact, i heard the lords name taken in vain a lot. [ light laughter ] now admittedly, trump did talk about god a lot during the campaign, but what he had to say about god was a real mixed bag. I dont bring god into that picture. I dont. Why do i have to you know, repent, why do i have to ask for forgiveness, if youre not making mistakes . [ light laughter ] i say god is the ultimate. You know, you look at this you look at this incredible here we are in the Pacific Ocean. How did i ever own this . I bought it 15 years ago, i made one of the greatest deals, they say, ever. We love the bible, its the best. [ cheers and applause ] [ light laughter ] we love the art of the deal, but the bible is far, far, far superior, right . Yes. Seth not only is the bible better than the art of the deal, its also the opposite. [ light laughter ] the only thing they have in common is that trump has never read either of them. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] now one moment one moment that best illustrated trumps unfamiliarity with the bible is when he referred to second corinthians, during a speech at liberty university, but called it something else. I hear this is a major theme right here, but 2 corinthians, right . 2 corinthians, 3 17, thats the whole ball game. [ light laughter ] seth 2 corinthians, like its a sequel to an action movie. [ light laughter ] who can forget the famous line from too fast 2 corinthians [ light laughter ] when vin diesel said to jesus, hey, long hair, pop the clutch and lets ride. [ cheers and applause ] and then, theres the question of trumps church attendance. Based on where he spends his sundays, its likely his most common prayer is god, please dont let me hit it in the water. [ light laughter ] and according to a politico article from april, aside from trump attending Church Services on inauguration day, making an appearance at the National Prayer breakfast, and going to service on easter, theres no Public Knowledge of any other Church Services trump has attended. And that makes sense, because trump would hate church. Its an hour of people talking about someone other than him. [ laughter ] is this whole thing [ cheers and applause ] is this whole thing going to be about jesus . [ light laughter ] did you know he had zero hotels . [ light laughter ] true story. On the day he was born, he could not get a hotel reservation. [ laughter ] its sad. [ cheers and applause ] but still still, trump is trying to take steps to please his evangelical base. In may, on the national day of prayer, trump signed an executive order on what he called the promotion of free speech and religious liberty, which would allow churches and other religious organizations to become more politically active. And it provides regulatory relief for organizations that object to provisions in the Affordable Health care act. Like including contraception coverage in Workers Health plans. In fact, during trumps speech about the executive order, he invited a group of a nuns who refused to abide by this original rule and had taken their case all the way to the Supreme Court up to the podium. Come on up here, sister. Come on up. Right . Come on. [ applause ] congratulations, they sort of just won a lawsuit. That was pretty good. Thats a good way of doing it, huh . Where are your lawyers . Stand up, come on, stand up. [ applause ] good job. Do you mind if i use your lawyers for various things . [ light laughter ] i could use some good lawyers, too. Seth only trump would compliment nuns on their record in court. [ light laughter ] god would be very proud of how litigious you are. Such a weird sequencing, too. Like, give it up for the nuns, but also, the real heroes, their legal team. [ light laughter ] and the woman you see behind trump during that speech is his spiritual advisor, friend and pastor, paula white. Now, paula white is a televangelist who has known trump for 15 years. He even invited her to deliver the invocation on inauguration day. Now on the surface, it may not seem like she and trump have that much in common, but like trump, shes been divorced twice and married three times. Shes been under investigation, and her former church has filed for bankruptcy protection. The difference between these two is like night and later that night. [ light laughter ] now white has often been criticized by telling followers that if they donate money to her ministry, they will be made wealthy by god. In fact, reports say that not surprisingly, donald trump is drawn to those preachers who say that ones wealth is a sign of gods approval. And reports say that white has benefited handsomely from preaching that kind of gospel. They live like rock stars with huge mansions, private jets and fancy cars. Their lifestyles are so lavish, six of them have been investigated by the u. S. Senate. Like paula white. Ive laid out the gospel very clearly, and i know that donald is saved. Critics say, she preaches the prosperity gospel, emphasizing material riches over spiritual ones. To click on that donation button by minimizing the screen. Do you tell them that if they give to you, they will get financial riches from god . Am i going to say i have probably said that . Okay, heres when i go my 50yearold self wouldnt do what my 20 or 30 or 40yearold self did. Seth to be fair, my 50yearold self doesnt have to, because my 40yearold self made a killing. [ laughter ] now currently, white leads the new Destiny Christian Center in florida. Reports say that while she has no college or seminary degrees, what she does have is a a natural gift for energetic pentecostal preaching and a convincing mastery of African American idioms. And that kind of preaching was on full display during this sermon she gave in 2012 to a predominantly africanamerican audience on learning to appreciate their significant others. And its a little hard to watch. She dont have to do anything. So every time she does, baby there aint nobody that can do like what you do. Thats the best kraft macaroni and cheese out of a box i have ever tasted. You gonna wonder why somebody else in five years, has your husband. You didnt appreciate him. You let his secretary bring him food at lunchtime. You let her bring him coffee in the morning. You let all the other women tell him how good he smells. And they do. They tell him how good he smells. They bring him his lunch on time. And you dont even notice him when he comes in, and you still got your funky curlers in your hair and spinach coming outta your teeth, and your bunny slippers on and wonder whats going on . Are you serious . Seth oh. [ light laughter ] its hard to tell whats more offensive, the insinuation that its your fault your husband left you, or the appropriation of black idiomatic speech. Amber . Its the black stuff. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth are you sure . Yeah. [ light laughter ] seth that was going to be my guess. Again, this is a woman whos referred to [ cheers and applause ] whos referred to as Donald Trumps pastor and spiritual adviser. As one member of her religious Watchdog Organization put it, paula represents everything thats wrong with american religion. Many evangelicals are actually uncomfortable with paula whites presence and her gospel. But thats not stopping evangelicals from basking in their access to the president. Who could forget this photo of religious leaders with their hands on trumps back praying for him. At least i think theyre praying for him, it could just as easily be an exorcism. [ light laughter ] i am the best demon. I have the highest ratings, everyone says so. [ cheers and applause ] and remember remember trumps meandering answer about god, and his real estate deals, and the Pacific Ocean . Well, that interview was conducted by this guy, the Christian Broadcasting Networks chief Political Correspondent david brody, whos coauthoring a new book on the Spiritual Life of President Trump. The title of that book is the faith of donald j. Trump, a spiritual biography. It will be the first book printed entirely on a chiclet. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so trumps surrounding himself trumps surrounding himself with people who seem to prioritize wealth over faith, while using his friends to convince others that he himself, is a man of deep faith. In the words of paula white are you serious . [ light laughter ] seth this has been the checkin. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with idris elba, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] whats going on here . Um. Im babysitting. Thatll be 50 bucks. You said 30. Yeah, well it was 30 before my fees, like the pizzaordering fee and the dogsitting fee. And the rummage through your closet fee. Are those my heels . Yeah yeah, were the same size. In shoes. With tmobile taxes and fees are already included, so you get four lines of unlimited for just 40 bucks each. For a limited time save 300 dollars on the amazing iphone 7. First you start with this. These guys. A place like shhh no. Found it and definitely lipton ice tea. Lots of it. A lipton meal is what you bring to it. And the refreshing taste of lipton iced tea. When you you act fast. Er, boo. So do we. Raid kills roaches seven times faster than the next leading ant and roach spray. Seven times faster . gasps raid get raid and get tough on roaches fast. Sc johnson. [crunch] yeah [crunch] hahahaha honoo, honoo, honoo flame, flame, flame [crunch] [growl] [slap] [slap] [punch] [crunch] [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, so happy tonight fred armisen is back with us this week. Give it up for fred, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] and fred, i always like to take this opportunity to talk to you about the stuff that you have going on in your life. We havent seen each other much this summer. But you know, a lot of things one of the things people talk about in the summer is getting like, summer reading, like a good beach book. So ive been dying to ask, like, what has do you have a book youd recommend this summer . Fred absolutely. [ light laughter ] theres a book i really love about the history of fingerprints. Seth okay. Fred and, you know, back in the caveman days, thats the first paintings for fingerprints. Seth okay. Fred so, they would put their thumbs in mud, and, you know, put it up on the wall and the other cavemen would be like, oh, i know who this is. Seth okay. [ laughter ] fred its really wild, because its the first way that, you know, they knew each others names. [ light laughter ] and so throughout history, they kept doing it, trying to reenact what the cavemen did. But theyre like, guys, this is you know, this is the middle ages, this is the renaissance, lets step it up. [ laughter ] and so crazy, right . And its [ light laughter ] seth so in the middle ages, they were calling it the middle ages . Fred yes. [ laughter ] theyre like ladies and gentlemen, you know, heres the church and everyone. And in italy and britain these are the middle ages. Seth okay. [ light laughter ] fred you know that, we know that. Lets celebrate what we are. Were not the future. [ laughter ] were not way in the past, you know . They owned it, which is so nice. Seth yeah. Fred and the book ends there. Seth where . Fred the book ends right there. Seth after the speech they give the middle ages gave . Fred yes. Yes. So i imagine theyre going to do some kind of a sequel or something, but the book ends there. And its really beautiful. It ends with, the end. Seth i think a lot of fred it just killed me. Seth i think a lot of books end that way. Fred it kills me every time, just like seth i dont think thats unique to that book. Fred the way they did it was like dont do this to me. [ laughter ] beautiful. Seth so its a book about the history of fingerprints. Whats it called, for those of us who want to buy it . Fred the history of fingerprinting. Ing. [ laughter ] seth okay. Thats very helpful. Give it up for fred armisen, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is an emmynominated and golden globewinning actor you know from his work on the tv series luther and the wire as well as films such as thor and beasts of no nation. His new movie, the dark tower, will be in theaters this friday. Lets take a look. [ growling ] j