Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170511

[ laughter and applause ] he did what . Great. Great. President trump said today that he fired fbi director james comey because he was simply not doing a good job. You know, if i were you, i wouldnt put it out there that you can get fired for that. I mean, just say, like, i dont know. [ laughter and applause ] he was misusing taxpayer money. Oh, wait, no that doesnt work either, i dont know. [ light laughter ] well well think of something. The white house is claiming fbi director james comey was fired, not because of the Russian Investigation, but over his handling of the investigation of Hillary Clintons private email use. Right. Theyre firing him for the hillary thing. [ light laughter ] kind of like how jared got fired from subway for stealing sandwiches. [ laughter and applause ] President Trump, yesterday, announced that the search for a new permanent fbi director will begin immediately, added trump, but at the same time, i dont want to be russian into anything when deciding who to putin charge. [ laughter and applause ] President Trump today met with Russian Foreign minister Sergey Lavrov. Please give Vladimir Putin my best, said lavrov. [ light laughter ] president Vladimir Putin said today, that russia had nothing to do with the firing of fbi director james comey. And you can tell because comeys alive. [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] in a resurfaced legal document, former fox news anchor, bill oreillys exwife claimed that she once caught oreilly engaging in phone sex half naked. And believe me, theres no good answer to the question, which half . [ light laughter ] and a new study has found that men are the loneliest at age 35 while women are the loneliest at 21. [ audience ohs ] and finally, a retreat called cannabliss will take place next month in california. Its a five day marijuana festival that lasts ten days. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. Very excited. From nbcs chicago p. D. Sophia bush back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] we had her once and first week first week of late night guests. I believe she was our first thursday. Yeah. Also, hes a fantastic actor, hes on hbos Silicon Valley, zach woods is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] hes a great guy. Whom ive known for a very long time. And very excited about our standup comedian tonight. He is a friend of ours and he is just fantastic, truly one of my favorite comedians, dan mintz will be doing standup tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so youre here on a great night. Before we get to all of that, today the political world has been reeling from President Trumps shocking decision to fire fbi director james comey, a surreal and chaotic development that has felt like something out of a dictatorship. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] its been a little over 100 days and President Trump has already degraded so Many Political norms, and flouted so many conventions, that to some degree, weve become desensitized to his behavior. Still, as the Russian Investigation has escalated, most people assume there was at least one thing trump would not do, and that was fire the man who is investigating him. But yesterday we learned that for trump, even that line was not too sacred to cross. Breaking news, jim comey is out at the fbi. It is lost on no one that president just fired the man who is leading an investigation into the Trump Campaign and whether it colluded with russians. Theres a strong feeling at the fbi that the director of the fbi was fired because he wouldnt drop the russia investigation. Never in history have we had an fbi director fired by a president who is under investigation by the fbi. Or as donald trump put it, today, we made history. [ light laughter ] they said we couldnt do it. We did it. [ light laughter ] now while trump may have the Legal Authority to fire comey, its the timing of this firing thats obviously troubling. Because, of the current fbi investigation into the Trump Campaign ties with russia, and its possible for an action to be suspicious, because of its timing. For example, if you buy your wife jewelry its a lovely gesture. If you buy her jewelry after a boys weekend in vegas, theres gonna be some follow up questions. [ laughter and applause ] and just just to give you an idea of how unexpected and earth shattering this news was when it broke, reporters were literally gasping for air after sprinting out to the cameras to deliver the news. We do not have reaction yet from the fbi, but this is just happening now. Of course, this is coming on the heels of the fbi director being so central involved in this russian scandal. Excuse my breath, here wolf. [ light laughter ] i just ran out here to bring you this news. [ laughter ] this is how crazy things are in the Trump Administration. Reporters literally dont have the aerobic strength to report the news anymore. [ light laughter ] soon, cnn is gonna have to replace wolf blitzer with usain bolt. [ laughter and applause ] then later, things were so crazy, that later in the evening, a Makeup Artist just walked on camera while Anderson Cooper was doing an interview. Sean spicer, the White House Press secretary moments ago was huddling with reporters. [ light laughter ] seth i like how she noticed the camera, like it was for the first time. [ light laughter ] wait, is this whole thing for tv . [ light laughter ] so again, this is not something that anyone saw coming. In fact, the news especially, came as a shock to comey himself, who found out about it while he was speaking to fbi employees in los angeles. The New York Times account of this is just stunning. It says, mr. Comey was addressing a group of fbi employees in los angeles, when the television in the background flashed the news that he had been fired. In response, mr. Comey laughed. He said he thought it was a fairly funny prank. Seth thats right, the guy who is probably seeing the russian hooker tape, thought his firing was too weird to believe. [ light laughter ] so trump who was famous for firing people on tv, is now firing people via tv. But of course, on the apprentice, donald trump, at least, had the decency to fire people to their face using his now famous catch phrase, there were 1. 5 Million People at my inauguration. No, thats not it. What was [ light laughter ] what was his catch phrase . Oh, right. Youre fake news. No, that wasnt it either. [ light laughter ] he had a catchphrase. Grab em by the [ bleep ]. No, what, umm. [ audience ohs ] no, youre fired, youre fired. Youre fired. Im sorry, its just [ applause ] he has so he has so many catch phrases. But trump didnt have the guts to fire comey facetoface or even over the phone. After comey saw the news on tv an official termination letter was sent to fbi headquarters from the white house. But, the letter wasnt delivered by the white house chief of staff, or the attorney general, or an adviser to the president. The letter was delivered by trumps personal bodyguard. He actually dispatched keith schiller, who was his long time bodyguard, and head of personal security at trump tower. Keith schiller is now the director of Oval Office Operations at the white house. He was dispatched to the fbi headquarters to deliver, hand deliver trumps letter, terminating comey. Keith schiller his personal bodyguard, was the person who delivered the letter firing the man investigating the president s campaign . That that is correct. Seth wow, thats even worse than breaking up with a girl by text. Thats like breaking up with a girl in the chat feature on words with friends. [ laughter ] so, to repeat that, trump actually sent one of his goons to do his dirty work. Mr. Trump is very disappointed in your performance. Now, i gotta take your thumbs. [ light laughter ] and if you were worried trump would send a boiler plate letter, worry not. Because in his three paragraph note, he still found time to add, i greatly appreciate you informing me on three separate occasions thats i am not under investigation. He used a termination letter to defend himself. Donald trump is such a troll at this point, hes going to start doing his hair like this. [ laughter and applause ] and then then theres the fact, that once comey found out and left the fbi office in l. A. , Cable News Networks aired nonstop helicopter footage of his car driving on the los angeles freeway. Because nothing says the press is keeping calm more than filming a car on an l. A. Freeway. [ laughter ] and then, once comey got to the airport, there was the bizarre question of whether he would even still be allowed to use the fbi plane that he had taken to l. A. , given that he no longer worked for the fbi. The real question just how comey is going to get home. Hes out in los angeles with the fbi plane. And hes no longer the fbi director. So, will he have the ability to use the plane to fly home . Seth come on, you know trump made him fly united. [ laughter and applause ] but make sure, this is very important, make sure its on a flight thats overbooked. Because i want to see that s. O. B. s bare belly. [ light laughter ] but as absurd as the unfolding drama over comeys firing was, nothing could top the truly laughable justification Trumps White House offered for firing comey. They claimed, that it wasnt russia, but that they were upset with how comey handled the investigation into Hillary Clintons emails during the election. This news tonight, came accompanied by a chain of letters, first from Deputy Attorney general Rod Rosenstein saying, i cannot defend the directors handling of the conclusion of the investigation of secretary clintons emails. This memo, form Rod Rosenstein, it says that, james comey was fired for being too mean to Hillary Clinton. Does anyone believe that . [ light laughter ] could anyone believe that . I mean, its just absurd. Comey was not fired because of hillary. Comey was fired because of the russians. The white house is peeing on our leg and trying to tell us its raining outside. [ laughter and applause ] seth said trump, thats ridiculous, i dont pee on peoples legs. You pay hookers for that. Ask comey. Hes seen the tape. Wheres comey. He was fired . Who did it . Me . When, yesterday . How did it go . Good . Bad . [ light laughter ] of course, the idea that trump is now upset about how comey handled the email investigation is a preposterous lie. After all, this is how trump reacted in october when comey wrote his famous letter, announcing that he was reopening the investigation 11 days before the election. I give them great credit for having the courage to right this horrible wrong. And it took guts, for director comey, to make the move that he made in light of the kind of opposition he had. But, ill tell you what, what he did, he brought back his reputation. He brought it back. Hes got to hang tough. cause theres a lot of lot of people want him to do the wrong thing. What he did was the right thing. Seth he did the right thing, so i had to fire him. Hes got guts. He had to go. [ light laughter ] so with all those contradictions out there, naturally it was time for human contradiction and white house counselor kellyanne conway, to go on cnn. [ audience ohs ] and do everything she could to not clear things up. Why now are you concerned about the Hillary Clinton email investigation, when as a candidate donald trump was praising it from the campaign trail . I think youre looking at the wrong set of facts here. Today, not in the campaign, in the white house, the president of the United States took Decisive Action so that person doesnt exist anymore . Candidate, donald trump, thats a thats a fictional character we no longer are allowed to refer to. We can now only refer to the donald trump who exists today . Anderson, ill ignore how unkind that is. [ laughter ] seth and im good at ignoring things, anderson. Because, every morning i wake up and ignore the fact that my boss is a lunatic. [ laughter and applause ] the only Silver Lining the only Silver Lining to that interview, is that we got one of the most epic eye rolls in cable news history from Anderson Cooper, when conway for no reason went out of her way to brag about trumps Election Night victory. Thanks for the trip down memory lane. I was on your show often last fall, saying we were going to win michigan and how we were going to do it. So that was fun. But heres what happened today. [ laughter and applause ] seth he rolled [ cheers ] he rolled his eyes so far back, i expected his Makeup Artist to run back on [ laughter ] to draw in a new set of pupils. [ laughter ] as to what happens with the Russian Investigation next, its impossible to know. But no investigation is needed, to know that russia really seems to be enjoying all of this. Today trump met with Russian Foreign minister Sergey Lavrov and ambassador sergey kislyak, and before him, lavrov and secretary of state, Rex Tillerson addressed the press. And watch how sarcastic lavrov is, when a Reporter Asks about comey. Does the comey firing cast a shadow over your talks gentlemen . Was he fired . [ talking over each other ] youre kidding. Youre kidding. Seth youre kidding. Get out of here. [ light laughter ] you know when they walked out of the room, lavrov said, why do you let reporters ask questions like this . You should just bang, bang. No . [ laughter ] problem over. No more questions. Why, why, why, why, why . Bang, bang. Problem over. [ light laughter ] so what really prompted trump to look for a reason to fire comey . Well, obviously, theres the ongoing russia investigation, and on top of that, there is also the Media Attention comey has gotten for that investigation. According to the wall street journal, trump grew unhappy that the media spotlight kept shining on the director. He viewed comey as eager to step in front of tv cameras. Which may explain why, when the two met in the oval office in january, trumps first comment to comey, was about how much Media Attention hed been getting. Oh, and theres [ inaudible ] hes become more famous than me. [ laughter ] seth look at that. If you missed it, trump literally blew comey a kiss, and then yesterday got rid of him. A move affectionately known as the fredo. [ audience aws ] i knew it was you, comey. If i had a heart, you would have broken it. [ applause ] of course, even if the russia investigation does move forward for now, theres a real fear that the Trump Administration will just appoint a lackey who does trumps bidding, and tries to slow, or even shut down, the investigation. If anyone thinks that a new fbi director is going to come in and the agency will just take over and continue their investigation as if this had never happened, thats not how it works. They will put in a stooge who will shut down this investigation. And now donald trump will put in maybe Chris Christie. President trump is apparently, likely to reach outside the fbi for a replacement director. There was some interesting sightings in d. C. , actually. I saw on twitter that Rudy Giuliani was at trumps d. C. Hotel overnight. Seth so the next fbi director could be Chris Christie or Rudy Giuliani. At least reporters wont have to exercise to keep up with them. [ laughter ] now democrats are, of course, up in arms, but this moment poses a crucial test for the Republican Party as well. Will they stand up and defend Democratic Institutions under threat from trump, or will they continue to choose party over country . You know, people like marco rubio, come on marco, youve been one of the most outspoken critics of russia and its interference in this election. You are gonna strongly condemn this move, right . So im surprised. You know, i didnt see it coming, but its a decision the president s made, and well go from here. Seth ugh, come on, marco is marco rubio your name or is it the spell a wizard used to make your spine disappear . [ light laughter ] marco rubio [ laughter and applause ] now, the comey firing has invited obvious comparisons to Richard Nixons actions during watergate. With many calling trumps move nixonian. In fact, the nixonian label has been tossed around so frequently in the past 24 hours, that even the nixon president ial library felt compelled to distance itself from trump. The Richard Nixon library responded to commentary that comeys firing was nixonian. In a tweet they wrote, fun fact. President nixon never fired the director of the fbi. [ audience ohs ] seth heres another fun fact. You know its bad when even the Nixon Library thinks youre bad for their brand. [ light laughter ] this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with sophia bush, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] hawe got you this. oh, boys. And i got you this. Edible arrangements for mothers day. Order in store or online. This isnt a competition. Its always a competition. So ammara, youre a verizon engineer, tell me, whats one really good reason why the Samsung Galaxy s8 is better on verizon . Well we have the largest 4g lte network in america. Yeah thats a pretty good reason. 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Pickup and delivery servicing on the entire family of lincoln luxury vehicles including a complimentary lincoln loaner. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back. Give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, joining us this week on drums, hes played with the fantastic singer songwriter Meghan Trainor and r b singer Bryson Tiller to name just a few. Our friend Thaddeus Dixon is back with us this week. [ cheers and applause ] thanks, seth. Seth so wonderful to have you, thaddeus. Thank you so much. Seth thanks for being here. Our first guest tonight is a talented actress, who stars as detective erin lindsay in the hit nbc series chicago p. D. The Season Finale airs wednesday, may 17th at 10 00 pm. Lets take a look. You go see bunny . Okay. You couldnt help yourself. Shes still my mother. Yeah, and youre still the police. Where is she . Did she move those drugs . What drugs . Fork in the road here, erin. Either youre with me, or youre with bunny. Hank, she said there is something bigger going on here. She wouldnt say what. That is all. Her boyfriend stole 40,000 painkillers, theyre missing, and i think shes got them. Seth please welcome back to the show, sophia bush, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] seth so wonderful to see you. Hello. Very nice to be back. Seth im also very excited about this. It was just announced, like moments ago, that chicago p. D. Is going to come back for its fifth season. I just heard. Seth so exciting. Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] i just got a text message from my coworker marina in the dressing rooms. Seth and thats really exciting because we our friendship started because we were nbc people. We met at an nb so i am very happy that our nbc friendship can continue. I like that very much. Seth because once you leave the network, its over. Ive heard. [ light laughter ] and i can never come back. Seth for me. Im that guy. Like, i can only be friends with the network. Thats youre a loyalist, really. Seth im a company man. Im a company man, yeah. Yeah. Seth so you obviously shoot your show in chicago. Yeah. Seth you get to spend time there. I used to live in chicago. Its where i got my start as an improviser. You just did your first improv show. My very first improv show. Seth how did you get roped into doing it . So we go see improv at io all the time. Seth beautiful theater, where i got my start. Yeah, its amazing. They do improv shakespeare and whirled news is there. And they asked us if we would go up on stage with them, and marina, who i mentioned, was still very pregnant and on Maternity Leave and very bored. And was like, lets go. And i was like, you are so pregnant, how are you going to do improv . If you can do it, i can do it. So we went up on stage together. Unlike her or you, ive never taken an improv class. Seth yeah. I know yes, and is the rule. Seth yes, there you go. Thats the first lesson. So youre off to a good start. And thats all i know. Seth uhhuh. So i got up on stage. Felt like i was going to vomit. Seth uhhuh. So you were terrified. Oh, yeah. Seth thats good. Im glad you were. Yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. Seth cause i was terrified, too, and id taken classes and stuff. Well, i appreciate your kindness. [ light laughter ] it was very scary. But we just we jumped in and we had a really good time. And i apparently my first line was apparently a bold drop. Seth okay. So i impressed my team. Seth oh, good. And they asked me back, so i didnt destroy anything. Seth okay, great. What was your first line . Well, the sketch quickly became everyone decided we were in a jail and it was obvious that as we were all lined up, there was a guy on the end who was going to be not really a criminal. So everyone said, you know, im in for murder, or triple murder, or whatever. And then the gentleman at the end said, accounting fraud. And i went, oh, so youre a [ bleep ]. Seth oh, there you go. [ laughter ] because i figure if the president can say it, i can say it. Seth yeah, you can say it. So right, yeah. [ applause ] seth and i will say yeah. Yeah. Seth never be afraid to go a little blue on your first day. And you said it, so, you know. Seth yeah, i said it, too. Weve said it twice tonight. Weve said it twice tonight. Seth were really awkward. Im so sorry. Seth were a very a very highminded show. Yeah. [ light laughter ] seth you live in chicago. Has it changed postcubs winning the world series . It was the most incredible night. People were crying. The, like illegal fireworks were going off. Everybody ran out on their balconies. Cars were honking. It was madness. It was madness. Seth you went to one of the games. You didnt go to the last game. But you this is so altruistic. You brought someone cause youre not naturally a cubs fan. You brought a lifelong cubs fan. I did. So you know how it is you work on a show. You become like family. And our Transportation Team is deeply important to us. Theyre a bunch of guys who i love. And tony port picks me up every day for four years, whether its 4 15 in the morning or were doing nights and hes picking me up at 6 00 at night. We drink our coffee together every morning. Some mornings we chat about all the things and his kids and their swim meets and their sports and some days hes like, we have an hourlong drive, go to sleep. Its 4 00 a. M. He takes very good care of me. Hes like an uncle to me. And hes a lifelong cubs fan. So it was friday night. We shot really late. And i like i dont call in favors for things. I just dont. And i was like, i will give someone my firstborn maybe if they get me two tickets to the world series. So somebody came through and i managed to get two seats for the saturday night game, which was a loss, but who cares . And so friday night we wrap, and were waiting for a couple of the other actors to get out of base camp and get in the van. And im like, tony, what are we going to do for the cubs game tomorrow, man . Like, we had to watch the game on set tonight on cell phones. He goes, i dont know. Ill probably just be home, you know, with the kids. And i was like, yeah, but shouldnt we do something fun . And he goes, well, what do you want to do . You want to go to a bar . And i was like, yeah, or we could sit, like, ninth row behind third base. [ light laughter ] and he ju he, like he was like, what . [ light laughter ] and i was like, tony, i got us tickets. Were going to the world series. And he was like, no, no. No. [ laughter ] you have to take you have to take someone else. Seth you broke tony. You broke tony. And i was like, no, but i got tickets for you. And if you dont want to go with me, then im just going to give you the tickets and can you take anybody you want. And he was like, no, no, no, no. And then he just kept drinking coffee. And i was like, are you okay . [ laughter ] and so tony and i went to the world series. Seth look at how happy tony is. Thats my guy. [ audience aws ] [ applause ] yeah. Seth heres heres who i feel really bad for. The next actor that tony drives. Right. Seth because theres no way theyre ever going to do anything that nice. [ light laughter ] and i feel like hell drop it a lot. Hes like, you know, sophia bush took me to a cubs game. She took me to the world series. Seth world series, no big deal. Yeah. It was really special, though. He was like, thats where i sat at my first game when i was four with my parents. And it was like it was a cool thing to be a part of through sort of the lens of a lifelong fan. Seth Something Else cool youre doing. Tell me about this pen pals organization. Yes, so pen pal schools you know im a Big Education activist and a geek about data and numbers. And when i started working on schools in the developing world, i thought how cool it would be to create pen pal relationships between, you know, kids in guatemala and kids in the u. S. But i just didnt really know what the infrastructure would look like. And then when i did that panel about let girls learn with Michelle Obama at south by southwest, this guy joe comes up to me and hes like, hey, youre super into schools and im building this digital pen pal company to try to get kids in other countries learning about each other. And i was like, big magic, that Elizabeth Gilbert book, is a real thing. And we just started talking about it. Seth i like that that what he did to you was like you getting cubs tickets for tony. Yes seth yeah. Literally like, it was my world series. I was like, were going connect kids and teach them empathy, education about how the world works. This is amazing. [ light laughter ] and so its actually really cool because we get groups of students together in classrooms and they partner up on learning about the environment, on learning about global history, whatever the sort of task that their teacher picks is, and in groups of four, they have these pen pal email relationships. And then we put together Virtual Reality programming about all of their schools. So they can take tours of each others schools and get to know each other. And we actually were just lucky enough to sign a huge Partnership Deal with the Education Ministry in pakistan. Seth oh, fantastic. And we were like, cool. Were just going to circumnavigate your ban. Watch us. Seth all right. There you go. Were going to remind kids that theyre all the same, and theyre all excited about the same things and that the world is not a scary place. [ cheers and applause ] seth thats fantastic. Yeah. Seth well done. Im such a fan of your work and im such a fan of your activism. Thanks. Seth keep up the good work. Always great to see you. Thanks, seth. Seth sophia bush, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] Season Finale of chicago p. D. Airs wednesday, may 17th at 10 00 p. M. Right here on nbc. Well be back with zach woods. [ cheers and applause ] hey allergy muddlers are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool . Try zyrtec® its starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. Someday youll let me put my way ycomb up there air til then youre beautiful and i just stare shes the reason the good times are great. And the reason the tough times are easier. Because shes your best friend. And your true love. The ever us twostone diamond collection. A timeless design, now in white and rose gold for mothers day. One diamond for your best friend. One diamond for your true love. For the one woman. Whos both. Ever us. Available at zales, jared and kay. With motionsense technology. Degree has redefined deodorant so that i can redefine. Power. Footwork. Range. The more i move, the more it works. Degree. It wont let you down. Bill assumed his mayo was the best choice. Assume nothing. Just like the leading brand, kraft real mayo is made with high Quality Ingredients at a price you can feel good about no wonder kraft is so good. [ cheers and applause ] seth our next guest is a very funny actor and comedian you know from the office. He stars in Silicon Valley, which airs sunday nights on hbo. Lets take a look. I was right all along. I was right. Can i just can i try something . Yeah. Whoo okay. I dont know. Whoo Whoo Whoo Whoo whoo sorry. Its okay. Seth please welcome to the show, zach woods, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] seth how are you . Im good. How are you seth . Seth good, im so happy youre here. We used to improvise together in new york city. You used to live here. Thats right. Seth and it was its such a joy to see all your success now. But youve come back to new york, like you are now, and you do a very unique thing that i feel like people who come back to new york dont tend to do. Yes, i i like to go to the Empire State Building late at night. Because the Empire State Building is open til 2 00 a. M. And late at night, theres nobody there. And the city looks like a little train set and it makes you feel kind of small, in a good way. And it sounds like the ocean. [ light laughter ] seth and was this something you did when you lived here as well . Yeah, i would do it a lot, especially if i was sad, id just go up and like look down. [ laughter ] but a but the last time i was there, i was leaving and one of the security guards recognized me, and he was like, hey man, youre from Silicon Valley. And i was like, oh yeah. He was like, you should be on this wall. And there was this wall with all these pictures of celebrities at the Empire State Building. Like Gloria Estefan seth sure. Like smiling and i was like, oh no, im not im not famous enough to be on the wall. And he was like, man, look at that. Whos that . And he pointed and theres a picture i guess they did the grinch on broadway. And he was like, man, thats broadway grinch. [ light laughter ] hes like hes like, thats not even real grinch. Thats broadway grinch. { laughter and applause ] and he was like he said he made me go he said, say it. Say, im more famous than broadway grinch. [ laughter ] and i said it. I was like, im more famous than broadway grinch. And then like a week later, i was on the street in los angeles, and someone was like, hey, would you mind taking a photo . And i was like, i guess im more famous than broadway grinch. And i went and i stood next to them. And then i realized that i was standing in front of a historic bank, and theyd wanted a photo of themselves in front of the bank. [ laughter ] like they wanted me to take the photo of them. It was like a real up then down. [ laughter and applause ] seth they they probably walked off and they were like, who does that guy think he is, broadway grinch . [ light laughter ] Silicon Valley cast, one of the great things about the show is, you guys know each other in real life. Youre friends in real life. You knew i think you all knew each other beforehand, pretty much . Yeah, a lot of us knew each other. And were really good friends. And we hang out when were not shooting. Seth so because you hang out together as a cast, people then must recognize you faster because oh, youre all in context. Its like, oh. Yes. Yes. It happens much more. There is a thing recently like at the end of the season, we got a a hotel rooms at the beach and we all hung out at the beach to sort of celebrate the end of the season. And we were stargazing one night. We like we were lying on the beach, looking up at the stars. And then thomas middleditch, whos on the show, realized that on the beach there was a couple having sex close by. [ light laughter ] and so we thought well we should go just in case what if their favorite show is Silicon Valley, we should go and stand around them [ laughter ] because it would be so funny if youre having sex on the beach in the middle of the night, and if you love like nypd blue and then you looked up, and theres like dennis franz and like jimmy smits. [ laughter ] but then we realized, if they dont watch the show, then were just a group of men encircling them, late at night. [ light laughter ] and thats thats predatory. [ laughter ] so we didnt do it. Seth yeah. I have a great i tip my cap to the enthusiasm of people who have sex on the beach. Is that something that has god bless em. Yeah i i dont have the confidence or yeah, or a comfort with sand enough to do it. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] but yeah, its funny. Like my dad this is a weird story. [ laughter ] its a weird segue to go from sex to my dad. Seth yeah. But my dad gave me like a sex talk, when i was a kid. But hes a therapist. So his sex talk was really different. I remember like when i was a teenager, and he was like, listen zach, you might be ready to have sex, but a good test is sex is really intimate. So if you cant make eye contact with the person with the lights on during sex, you probably shouldnt have sex with them, because then theres not the requisite emotional intimacy. Which is good advice, but at the time i was like wearing a winter coat all day. Like i was not eligible for sex at all. [ laughter ] i think my first kiss was in a school show like in a school play where it was like, the script made her kiss me. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] so, yeah. So the idea of adventurous sex is outside of my seth thats funny that if your parents if you give the sex talk too early then the kids thinks, wait, am i way behind . Yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. Seth oh, i didnt realize i was even adjacent to having sex. Yeah, my dad was like ticktock. [ laughter ] seth many have said, and what i think is one of the most endearing things about the show, you guys are not a classic hollywood cast. And, so theres a second teams on all shows. Yeah. Seth explain what a second team cast is, and what the Silicon Valley second team cast is like. Well a second team is the stand in. So, when theyre setting up a shot so that you can learn your lines or get ready for the scene, they bring in people to stand in the place where youre going to stand during the shoot. I dont know why im explaining it to you, you know. But to stand there so they can set up the cameras. Seth so do they look like you . They look like you. They look like their they have the same coloring, height, et cetera. But on most shows, its like, you know, someone sort of a normal looking person who looks a little bit like matt damon or whatever, and then they call first team, and matt damon shows up. But in our show, the second team is so much better looking than the first team. [ laughter ] so like, ill see like, ill see them setting up the shot, and ill look at the monitors and ill be like that looks like a tv show. [ laughter ] and then and then theyll call us, and its like the freaks and the gargoyles have like come to take over the cathedral. [ laughter ] and and theyre cooler than us too. Like they are like their conversations are like, hey man, what you doing this weekend . Oh, im going to the football game. Im working out. Im going to the bar. Whereas like, among us, its like, oh, im painting a figurine of a centaur. [ laughter ] im going to go see if my favorite falconer is at the renaissance fair. [ laughter ] seth well, im glad. I really mean this, not just because ive known you for a long time, im very glad youre on the first team. Its a fantastic show. Thanks seth. Seth and thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. Seth its so great to see you, zach. [ cheers and applause ] zach woods, everybody. Silicon valley airs sunday nights on hbo. Well be right back with standup from dan mintz. [ cheers and applause ] classic hersheys; plus cookie bits; plus caramel. Hersheys cookie layer crunch. A layered twist on a classic. Hersheys cookie layer crunch. You know that feeling you get when youre locked in . Its like that, for your mouth. The refreshing citrus kick of mtn dew. A 10speed directshift 5. 0transmission. Ine. A meticulously crafted interior. All of these are feats of engineering. Combining them with nearperfect weight distribution. Is a feat of amazing. Experience the firstever 471horsepower lexus lc 500 or the multistage hybrid lc 500h. Experience amazing. Well its a perfect nespresso morning here, george. Hold on a second. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . Where are we going . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. How far would you go for coffee thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Our next guest is a very funny comedian and a writer on the hbo series veep. He is also the voice of tina on bobs burgers. Please welcome to the show, my friend, dan mintz. [ cheers and applause ] this woman gave me a palm reading. This woman gave me a palm reading and said im going to die. But i dont believe in that stuff even if she is a dermatologist. [ laughter ] i was watching porn and all of a sudden it hit me thats somebodys daughter. This is supposed to be gay porn. [ laughter ] sometimes im at a bar and theres a woman who, if i was sober, i wouldnt touch her with a ten foot pole. But because ive been drinking, i start touching her with a ten foot pole. [ light laughter ] when i when i was a kid, my parents would always pretend like my food was an airplane. They make me wait for it for hours. [ laughter ] the people at starbucks always get my name wrong. And ive been working there for nine years. [ laughter ] but to me, making love to a woman is like playing the violin. I dont know how to do it. [ laughter ] lately im starting to feel like im turning into my father. Like the other day i caught myself just lying in a coffin for hours. [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] why do women always have to label everything . You know . I mean, why cant we just be two people that spend a lot of time together and share a common interest . But, no, i have to be your stalker. [ laughter ] its weird that an ancient chinese tradition of sticking needles in peoples bodies would cure back pain. But the heroin really did make my back feel much better. [ laughter ] my wife is the only one ive ever been with. Everyone else is a nine or a ten. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] i have to use a magnifying glass to masturbate. Because the only way i can get off is by burning ants. [ light laughter ] i dont want my kids to repeat my mistakes to child services. [ light laughter ] that would be really bad. I always try to put bros before hos. But thats kind of confusing, cause my brother is a prostitute. [ laughter ] sometimes kids who are adopted will blame themselves. So i had to sit down our son and say, its not your fault. Were giving you up for adoption. [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] did you know that if you play paranoid by black sabbath backwards, you get fired from your job as a deejay . [ laughter ] all right. Thank you very much. You guys have been great. [ cheers and applause ] seth dan mintz, everybody. Well be right back [ cheers and applause ] what makes a lipton meal . First you start with this. These guys. A place like shhh no. Found it and definitely lipton ice tea. Lots of it. A lipton meal is what you bring to it. And the refreshing taste of lipton iced tea. Pay stubs and Bank Statements to refinance your home. W2s, or you could push that button. [dong] [rocket launching] skip the bank, skip the paperwork, and go completely online. Securely share your financial info and confidently get an accurate mortgage solution in minutes. Lift the burden of getting a home loan with Rocket Mortgage by quicken loans. [whisper rocket] hawe got you this. oh, boys. And i got you this. Edible arrangements for mothers day. Order in store or online. This isnt a competition. Its always a competition. Oh no, looks like somebody needs a new network. When i got this unlimited plan they told me they were all the same. Theyre not. Verizon has the largest, mostreliable 4g lte network in america. Its basically made for places like this. Honey, what if it was just us out here . Right. So, i ordered you a car. Thank you. You dont want to be out here at night cause of the, uh, coyotes. Ok, thanks, bud. Bye. Be nice to have your car for some shelter. Bye. When it really, really matters, you need the best network and the best unlimited. Just 45 per line for four lines. For more late night, go to latenightseth. Com. Follow us on instagram and twitter latenightseth. And be sure to check us out on youtube and facebook. Head over to itunes and subscribe to the late night with seth meyers podcast. Youll get a closer look and more, downloaded right to you phone every day. Food. Water. Internet. We need it to live. But what we dont need are surprises, like extra monthly fees. I see you, fee, played by legendary actress anjelica huston. You got me, mark. We just want fast internet for one, simple rate. For all the streaming and the shopping and the newsing, but most of all. For the this. Internet for one everyday simple price and no extra monthly fees. [ cheers and applause ] seth my thanks to sophia bush, zach woods, dan mintz, everybody. Thaddeus dixon, 8g band. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow. Carson hi, im carson daly. This is my television show, last call, thats on conveniently in the middle of the night. Thanks for being here, weve got a good ooming up