Captioning sponsored by cbs cheers and applause stephen welcome to the late show. cheers and applause hey . . . Hows it going . Hey, welcome, thank you so much, everybody. Welcome to the late show. Im stephen colbert. Sexy, postlabor day voice tonight. Everybody else have a good weekend . cheers and applause extraordinary, extraordinary. I know who didnt have a good weekend was president obama. He flew to china for labor day because he wanted to see where American Labor went. And the president s there for his very last g20 summit. So the next time he talks international economics, itll be with a really bored person at a party. Whats that . Oh, yeaea mr. President. Those tariffs really sounded like a terrible idea. Yeah. Hold on one second. Helen laughter if you ever have to better deal somebody at a party, just yell the name helen and walk away. Nobodys going to say you dont know somebody named helen. There was a bit of a rough patch at the beginning of the meeting, let president obama get off air force one using the normal staircase, or stair force one, god i hope its called. So obama had to use a smaller metal staircase that folded out from under the plane. Thats right, the chinese made him use the foldaway, the jennifer convertible of stairs. Naturally, donald trump weighed in, because. laughter they wont even give him stairs, proper stairs. You see that . There are pictures of other leaders going there, and theyre coming down with a beautiful red carpet. But hes coming down a metal staircase in the back of the plane. I got to tell you, that were me, id say, you know what, folks . I respect you a lot. Lets close the doors. Lets get out of here. Its a sign of such disrespect. Stephen wait a minute, laughter you dont give him the staircase and he goes away . cheers and applause jon that might be it. That might be all we gotta do, right . Stephen mr. Trump, what kind of staircase would you really not want . I mjust asking for my grandchildren trump knows what hes talking about when he talks about stairs. When you make a grand entrance, you do it on a really slow escalator. And airport stairs werent the only thing insulting president obama. He was supposed to meet today with rodrigo duterte, the president of the philippines, hopefully to get to the bottom spelled with an f. That is phd up. In my opinion. cheers and applause but the meeting has been called off, because when obama said he would confront duterte about his summary execution of over 2,000 suspected drug offenders, in the fill feens, duterte dutore him a new one, calling president obama the son of a whore. Audience oooh stephen look, i dont know how they do things in the dont attack the woman who gave birth to the president. We attack where she gave birth. And it turns out president mouth. Because last month, he insulted the u. S. Ambassador, saying the son of a whore. He pissed me off. And when the pope francis visited the philippines, he attacked him by saying, pope, son of a whore, go home. , of course, the pope is a holy man, very patient. He responded by saying, i will go home, right after i stop by your moms. cheers and applause say hi. Say hi. What an honor. What an hor. What an honor to have the the pope visit your mom. laughter now, in dutertes defense, hes not the first person to hurl this insult. We all remember when reagan blew up the internet with this. Mr. Gorbachev, your mother is a whore. Stephen it worked, it worked. The wall came down. People forget that part. Jon it does. Stephen they only remember now can you really understand a word im saying right now with my throat . Jon yeah. Stephen is this a good sound . Jon its nice, its smooth, like the radio. Stephen this is smooth. Jon thats smooth, but like Louis Armstrong smooth. Stephen so im smoking a lot of weed, is what youre saying. I sound like, oh, that is nice. I feel like i sound like brenda vicarro. Ask your parents. Now, the president doesnt have to put up with stuff much longer because a bunch of people out there want his job. And Hillary Clinton had a rough time campaigning this weekend. coughing ive been talking so laughter stephen thats a lot of coughing. Yet another Hillary Clinton hacking scandal. laughter a quick coughs health, madam, and you have a terrible cough, dont do it straight spot mic. But hillary had a nice recovery. Every time i think about trump, i get allergic. laughter cheers and applause stephen yeah, she gets allergic. Which is bad news because not even hillary can afford an epipen. Speaking of i didnt raise the prices. Speaking of hillary, have you heard about the latest f. B. I. Report on her emails . Probably not, because they put it out the friday before labor day. You cant hide that news more if you welded it inside a lead capsule and fired it into the heart of the sun. And one of the big revelations of this latest email dump is that secretary clinton didnt use just one smartphone in she used up to 13 different mobile devices in four years. 13 cell phones madam secretary, tell the truth. Are you a crack dealer . laughter because i cant figure out why else you would need 13 phones. Meanwhile its actually better if i talk up here. Its much easier. This is much smoother up here. This is very nice. Jon that works, too. Stephen meanwhile, over the weekend crown prince of trumpland, donald trump jr. , tweeted this photo with the hashtag millenialsfortrump, and a lot of people questioned this from people who didnt think it was real, to people who thought it looked like a scientology poster because the photo seems a little stiff. But they had a ton of fun at the photo shoot. I know because we have actually obtained some exclusive behindthescenes footage. Jimmy . Oh, my god, youre on fire, im on fire. This is so amazingly hot right now. Less, less. Thats wonderful. Youre young, youre fabulous. Youre trump children. Give that to me. Oh, good lord, yes, absolutely. Youre inhuman monsters, you rule the night, you feast on human flesh. Perfect all right, youre young, youre hip, youre reaching out to millennials. You dont care. Devil may care. Give me hip. Give me great. Perfect. Change it up. Do anything. Anything diff all. Perfect. I want your eyes to be dead, nothing, okay. You just realized you live in a gilded gauge for the rest of your life, and theres no escape. Okay . And money does not buy happiness yes lets soften things up a little bit. Give me a look that says youve all agreed never to talk about that homeless man you killed as children. Yes all right, just for fun, im going to shoot some video, all right. Hold that look. Thats good. Perfect. Now calm down again. Now go crazy again show me passion show me sexy. How about a little laugh, haha. And dead inside again. Beautiful. All right, you guys were amazing. I think weve got everything you need. Youre incredible to work with. Lets just do one more set, and this is for the baby calendar. Perfect weve got a great show tonight. Harry connick jr. Will be here, and donald trump goes to stick around. Hey . . . applause . . You got an earlymorningdad side, . . Ooooks like those braids arent easy to tie. . Nope. . Sure, you can keep the kitty side. . . Thats why theres nationwide, . . Helping to grow and protect your many sides. . . Nationwide is on your side. . . I dont think thats how theyre made. I tried hard to quit smoking. But when we brought our daughter home, that was it. Now i have nicoderm cq. The nicoderm cq patch with unique extended release Technology Helps prevent your urge to smoke all day. Its the best thing that ever happened to me. Every great why needs a great how. Fact. People spend less time lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm than with tylenol pm. Advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. Gentle, nonhabit forming advil pm. Ziploc presents cafeteria chaos. School lunch can be difficult. One little struggle. Can lead to one monumental mishap. Not with ziploc easy open tabs. Because life needs ziploc. Stephen welcome back. Welcome back, everybody. Say hi to our friends jon batiste and stay human, everybody. Isnt that a great band . cheers and applause jon, ive been doing vocal exercises during the commercial break to keep m jon oh, yeah . Stephen very exciting, if youre just joining us, wager your bets right now as to whether ive got my voice by the end of the show, right . Ill match any bet. Legally, can i do that . Up till 5. Any bet up to 5 i can legally do that. I have been doing the whooo jon aaah. Where does it break. Jon thats a long break. Stephen thats like nixons 18 minutes of silence right there in the middle. I have all these sprays, too. My stage managers gave meet spray. Singers soothing throat spray, professional strength. Im a professional. And alcohol free. Well, thats ridiculous. laughter whooooo. Of oh, well. Wish me luck. Here we go. Hey, jon. Our first guest tonight, you know our first guest. Jon oh, yes, indeed. Stephen Harry Connick jr. , you know harry, right. Jon thats a bad, bad man. laughter bad as in good. Very positive. Stephen i understand. Jon its the jazz lingo. Dig it, daddyo. Stephen well, you know im my first guest tonight is a grammy and emmywinning musician, actor, and now talk show host. Please welcome our friend Harry Connick jr. . . . applause . I like the way you smile . Thank you very much. Thanks, man. Thank you. Stephen welcome to the show thanks. D just say that, that guy, ive known jon batiste a long time. People ask me all time what i think about different musicians. Maybe it was because of when i was a judge on idol, they always want to know what i think. That guy is the real deal. He can. cheers and applause he is the real deal. And your band is amazing, too. applause . Stephen i actually, i knew that opinion of you, because i from your album in 2007. And youve got this really nice thing you said about jon. Would you just mind reiterating a little bit of that . Sure. It says shorty and kid brought a friend along i young kerr i had met before named jonathan batiste. He is a 19yearold piano player attending juilliard. I hadnt heard him yet. I was in the control room while the otherrifies were looking over. He came in the studio while we were doing a record. Jon thats right. And i think you were on just hanging out playing. And i have never asked another piano player to play on my record because why would i do that . And he played, and i said, hey, would you play this tune with us. Jon oh, yeah, it was like. . . . cheers and applause . Your show. It really is. Stephen now, you were just down in baton rouge. Was it just yesterday . Last night. Stephen playing a benefit for the people affected by the flooding down there. Thats right. Stephen what are the conditions down there now . Are people still displaced . Oh, yeah, so many people lost everything they had. They had a benefit, and randy jackson, who is from baton rouge, and i hosted this event. Aaron neville was there, a lot of local louisiana talent. It was the least i could do nice. So that was really nice of you. Its really cool. Stephen you dont live down there anymore. I understand you live in connecticut. I do. I live in connecticut. Stephen from new orleans to connecticut. You think. Stephen you could live anywhere you want. Youre Harry Connick jr. , man. Why live in connecticut . I lived in new york for a while. When i was 18 i moved up here. And then i met my wife, and after we got married we decide we wanted to sort of being in the new york area. Because shes from texas so louisiana. Lets meet in the middle. New york. Yeah, connecticut, right . laughter but we wanted to be close to the city and be able to raise our kids so i could still come and go from new york. So we decided on connecticut. Stephen is there anything when youre back home because i went down to new orleans with jon is there anything youve got to have when you first get there, something you have to say, something you have to eat . Whats the first thing you have to do . Every time gii tell myself im not going to eat the food because i have to watch what i eat, you know. And i fail every theres restaurants jonathan knows all of these places like medinas, and oh, my god, surreys for breakfast. Stephen where he took me was, i want you to get some seafood from a gas station. Oh, yeah. Where did you take him . Jon we were on run, so we had to dp to the quickimart. You dont want to tell a bad, bad man that. Stephen it was good. It was shrimp po boys, 10 gallons of diesel and po boys. I think they use the excess to inject that into some peoples faces, just straight up botulism. Stephen is there you started playing when you were five, right, professionally . More or less. Stephen more or less . I mean it says five there. It says five. Thats but my dad theyre telling me im right about your life over there. Did you a good job, good job. Stephen what was the first song you learned . Well, the first song i probably played of probably the the first song jon played the saints go marching in. Thats just a song everybody plays. But my dad was the District Attorney of new orleans, and he was opening his Campaign Headquarters and my mom really wanted me to play. My dad probably juan as enthusiastic to have his the star spangled banner and i remember looking out at the crowd when i finished and people were aplawgd, probably more for the novelty of a fiveyearold playing than any great musicianship. And i said, man, i have to get more of this and i havent stopped yet. Stephen you got the itch. Stephen for sure. Stephen can i ask you about when the saints go marching in. I was listening to that the other day because i heard that was the first song you had play. Is that about the the apocalypse. s marching in. Is it when the saints go to heaven on judgment day . I dont pay a lot of attention to lyrics. Its not really my sing. I just sing whats on the page, man . I dont get real heavy, you know. You might be right. Stephen i dont know, there is lyrics about the moon turning to blood and stuff like that. Im not joking. Like the star spangled banner is like that. There are all these verses. You get to six and youre like stephen youre a briltd musician. Youre a wellknown actor. Why talk show host . What does this allow you to do that you havent been able to do before . The thing about this show, its a daytime show. We shoot it not too far from here on 57th street. Its going to be a party right in the middle of the day. You guys have all the fun in the night time. Stephen a party in the middle of the day . You can imagine that. Its going to be awesome. Were going to have music, man on the street stuff. Justin and daniel going to bring a lot of comedy to it. I have my band. My actual band i tour with will be there. Im hosting the show but im also the band leader, too. So theres going to be a ton of music, and its going to be very unscripted. And the whole idea behind it is that its a party. A lot of people, unfortunately, go to bed before this terrific show comes on. So they have to watch theyre all weak. cheers and applause . Im awake. So they have the dvr, and watch it after the fact. Were going to bring the latenight party right to the middle of the day. Stephen a little day drinking . Im telling you. Hey, man, youve been to the gas station in new orleans and had the po boy. Good time you. Stephen have wife and daughters . Yes. Stephen have they given you any advice on how to appeal to women . Because thats the large audience in the middle i it is. Is and i have been surround by incredible women my whole life, my mother, my sister is a Lieutenant Colonel in the army. My wife really . Older sister or younger . Older sister. Stephen does she tell you what to do . Well, shes a psychiatrist and an internist, so shes a lot smarter than i am. And whatever she tells me is usually the right thing. But ive had all these incredible women in my life, so were going to do a segment called harrys leading ladies where they find these incredible things, great and small, young and old. Were going to celebrate them. Were going a lot of show will be dedicated to women because i feel so indebtedded to these strong women who have been in my life. cheers and applause . Stephen well, harry, thank you so much. Before we go, before we go, youre youre a singer. Do you have any advice for a guy who is losing his voice . You could do what i do when is lip sync. Stephen lets do it right now. You read off that. Ill talk into this ill move my lips and you just say those words. Okay, ready, go . The show harry premieres september 12. Harry connick jr. , everybody. When we come back, we follow before taking his team to state for the first time. Gilman go get it, marcus. Go get it. Coach gilman used his cash rewards credit card from bank of america to earn 1 cash back everywhere, every time. At places like the batting cages. . [ crowd cheers ] 2 back at Grocery Stores and now at wholesale clubs. And 3 back on gas. More cash back for the things you buy most. Dont bring that mess around here, evan whoo dont do it. Its okay, big fella. Were gonna get through this together. [ baseball bat cracks ] nice rip, robbie. . Raaah when you bundle home and Auto Insurance through progressive, you get more than just a big discount. Im gonna need you to leave. You get relentless protection. Im Catherine Cortez masto and i approve this message. As a doctor, i see how decisions in washington impact my patients here in nevada. Joe hecks voted ten times to defund planned parenthood, which thousands of women depend on for cancer screenings. And heck opposes a womans right to choose even when her health is at risk. For me and my patients, applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back. You know, ladies and gentlemen, because its been almost 10 minutes since i mentioned him donald trump. Hes got a bit of a problem right now with some voters. A lot of people think he might be a racist. And then there are the people who dont vote for him. That may explain why this recent p. P. P. Poll had his pppopularity with African American voters at 0 . Which can only mean one thing amrosa is not registered to vote. Trump spent one day courting the black vote in detroit with former neurosurgeon, and black dr. Carson grew up in detroit and gave trump a tour of his old stabbing grounds. laughter unfortunately, unfortunately it was a fun story about six months ago. Unfortunately, ben carson got a little distracted. In order for our country to be great again, every aspect has to be great, including our inner cities. And we just saw mr. Trump here. I asked him how did it go . And he said great, he learned a lot of things. What do you think he took away from today . Oh, my luggage. Hold on. Okay, it looks like dr. Carson is going to try and find his luggage, and hell be right back with us. laughter applause stephen now, its unclear where dr. Carson left his luggage, but my moneys on inside one of his patients. Now, Donald Trumps trip to detroit culm