Jimmy thats very nice. Welcome. Hi, everyone. Im jimmy, im the host of the show. Thank you for watching. Thanks to each and every one of you for coming. I appreciate it. Thank you for clapping, thanks for everything. Hey, remember when donald trump said he would give up tweeting when he became president . That was funny. That was a good one. [ laughter ] the president woke up bright and early this morning, the day after what had to be his worst birthday ever. He woke up, walked down the hall to melanias bedroom, the door was locked. [ laughter ] so he went downstairs, punched sean spicer in the stomach, wrestled the phone out of his little pink hands and tweeted about this special investigation into him. You know yesterday we learned that the president is being investigated by a special counsel led by Robert Mueller for possible obstruction of justice. So this morning at 7 57 a. M. , trump tweeted, you are witnessing the single greatest witch hunt in american political history led by some very bad and conflicted people. Maga. [ laughter ] hes even making witch hunts great again. I dont know. I dont think witches play golf every weekend. The way well know trump is a witch is when the white house falls on top of him. [ laughter ] and we see his feet curl up. And while a lot of people are making fun, there is some question as to whether this might be a witch hunt. So joining us now from actually, where are you from, maam . [ cheers and applause ] hello jimmy where are you join us from . From witchburg. [ laughter ] jimmy witchburg . Where is witchburg . What state is that in . Florida. [ laughter ] jimmy okay, joining from us witchburg, florida, high prees tess of the Pagan Federation ab gaig shipton. Hello, abigail. Yes, bright blessings and merry meet. Jimmy right back at you. As you probably heard, President Trump is saying this investigation is a witch hunt. Is it a witch hunt . Oh, no, of course not. Ive been hunted. And its nothing like this. Jimmy okay, so that i guess that do you want to see how cold my tits are . [ laughter ] you can feel them. Jimmy no, thats okay, thank you. Okay, your loss. Blight blessings and merry meet again. Jimmy all right, thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy so you heard it from a witch, this is not a witch hunt. Trumps later said the leak of this information to the press was, quote, outrageous, inexcusable, and illegal. So at the very least i think he just found his next campaign slogan. [ laughter ] outrageous put that on a hat, ill buy it. Meanwhile, one of americas next top diplomats, Dennis Rodman, is worming his way through north korea. Dennis rodman is in the middle of what is planned to be a fourday trip. And he brought gifts on this trip. He brought gifts for his bff kim jongun. This is what he brought. He brought a variety of soaps, you see wrapped in cellophane, which is crazy. He brought a mermaid jigsaw puzzle. He brought two nondescript number 91 jerseys. This looks like a very sad yard sale or a terrible flea market. [ laughter ] and two books. He brought wheres waldo and the art of the deal. I love that he brought kim jong un the art of the deal. As if he needs help negotiating. Negotiating with kim jongun goes like this. You do everything i say and i wont feed you to a boa constrict constrictor, is that a deal, mom . [ laughter ] wheres waldo they think is for kim jonguns daughter, who i think is 5 years old. They love american childrens books in north korea. Of course they adapt them to suit the north korean lifestyle. But the same books we have. Theres for instance good night un. [ laughter ] oh the places youll never go. [ laughter ] the very hungry caterpillar and millions of other people. [ laughter ] the caterpillars hungry because theres no food. It really is amazing Dennis Rodman and kim jongun are friends. Especially considering kim jongun doesnt speak english and Dennis Rodman doesnt speak english. [ laughter ] i dont know what theyre saying to each other. I dont know if trump has read wheres waldo but i have to say i feel like he has. Because ive noticed that when he gives a speech he always seems to be reading it aloud. Wheres leo . Is leo around here . Where is he . Hes got to be here. Where is he . Where is franklin . Hes around. Where is robert . Wheres jim . Where are they . Where is general flynn . Where are you guys . Where is kim . Where is she . Where are they . Where are you . Wheres cecil . Where are they . Where is bruce . Jimmy you know they say sometimes the person you were looking for was right in front of you the whole time. [ laughter ] and while Dennis Rodman is in north korea, this is whats happening in south korea. This from a mixed martial arts heavyweight fight in seoul that got testy, literally. [ speaking Foreign Language ]. Jimmy hes looking around like, did anyone see that . [ applause ] we did see it. This morning in oakland, hundreds of thousands of people lined up starting at 4 00 a. M. For a parade for the Golden State Warriors. While the series might be over some of the players are still going at it. Draymond green of the warriors, he was here with us last night, draymond is one of the great trash talkers in the nba. Today he did some trash wearing. He wore a tshirt that says quickie. Which the cavaliers play at the quicken loans arena and the warriors beat them in five games. Hence the quickie. So lebron james saw this and he posted to instagram, thats what she said. And some emojis. [ laughter ] then draymond came back an hour later, he wrote about lebrons new hairlessness, them ws finally made him go bald. Congrats, king james. You know theres only one way this ends and its with sex, right . [ laughter ] while were on the subject of shenanigans, this is either a really good prank or a bad one. Ill let you be the judge. This is from the magical midway Amusement Park in orlando. They have one of those slingshot rides. The guy operating the ride decided to have some fun. Right before it started he told the couple to fasten their seat belts even though this is a ride that does not have seat belts. And thats when hilarity ensued. Tighten your seat belts. Who, him . It slipped off. Youve got to tighten it. Pull on it. Oh my gosh. Pull it from the bottom. Like a car seat belt. Pull on it this . Wait. Is mine too loose . Actually, both of them. Hey, i got both seat belts completely loose. [ screaming ] mama [ screaming ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i dont know. Wow. Thats i need to find if anyone knows that guy, on the off chance hes still alive, please tell him im looking for him. Because i have to know. Sometimes i just like to get to know people, honestly. The next great space race is on the way. A team of german scientists is working on a project called bake in space. Their plan is to attempt to bake bread in outer space. Theyre hoping to do it sometime next year. They say their goal is to address the scientific and technical challenges related to the production of fresh bread in space. Apparently its hard to bake bread in space. Which ill be honest, i thought baking in space was a euphemism for smoking weed on the roof. [ laughter ] i didnt know they were doing any of that. Its an interesting goal. Not only has the idea of baking bread in space inspired the scientific community, it also got creative juices flowing here in hollywood and is breathing muchneeded life into the space action genre. The missions primary goal has been achieved. Were looking at the first proof of bread. Beyond earth. Its beautiful. Aggh whats going on . Aahhh weve lost all communication. Aahh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its arma guillermo, did you understand what was going on there . Guillermo yeah, i did. Jimmy what was going on there . Guillermo the bread was moving. [ laughter ] jimmy right. Youre hammered, arent you . Im looking at you right now. Guillermo yeah, yeah. Jimmy you are, yeah. How many drinks did you have before the show . Guillermo two big ones. Jimmy two big ones. Guillermo yeah. Jimmy two big ones. All right. All right, thursday night, that means its time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. Weve got two big ones for you. Its this week in unnecessary censorship. This morning a close friend of President Trumps says that he is considering [ bleep ]ing Robert Mueller. It has been absolutely extraordinary. That saying, i cant remember the last time i had so much [ bleep ] up my ass but there is no more room. Mr. Sessions, are you familiar with what spies call tradecraft . [ bleep ] you, senator cotton. Did you say that i had to [ bleep ] kevin durant . Yeah. It really wasnt that hard. Can you call draymond for me . I want to ride on his [ bleep ]. Its not easy for someone whos a [ bleep ], [ bleep ], like myself or yourself once or twice a day. Many times i stick a butter bean up my [ bleep ]. They always came out. I think the president i know because he and i have [ bleep ]ed a little bit. When was the last time you [ bleep ]ed . Last night. Wait a minute, last night . Yeah. Why are you keeping these girls prisoners, jerk . You dont understand. I [ bleep ] princesses because i want to marry one. Whyd you [ bleep ] six of them if you just want to marry one . Im [ bleep ]ing them all first to be sure i made the right choice. Parades, picnics, [ bleep ]s. Yeah, you did it again. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy were going to take a break. When we come back, in honor of fathers day on sunday, we asked people to tell their dads the worst thing they have ever done, and they did. So stick around, well share that together. [ cheers and applause ] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by aflac. Swing. Y huh . Dont you mean dad kind of ruined our hawaii fund . I thud go to the thothpital. There goes the airfair. I dont think Health Insurance will cover all. Of that. Buth my fathe without that cash from aflac we might have to choose between hawaii or your face. Hawaii what . Haha. Hawaii you might have less coverage than you think. Visit aflac. Com and keep your lifestyle healthy. Aflac new deep hydrating eye gel with hyaluronic acid born to outperform the 1. Prestige eye cream for better hydration. And your best look yet. Olay eyes collection. Ageless. Grooves in your sandwich . Do you always put cheezit of course theyre chips. Chips. Plus sandwich equals the perfect lunch. Ooooh. Dont forget the pickle. Its kind of a big dill. Cheezit grooves. Chips made with 100 real cheese. Dang right its a chip and now im sure its more than a stroke of luck yeah, i love you, do you love me, too . Yeah, i love you, do you love me, too . Clap your hands if it feels good clap your hands, ohh clap your hands if it feels good clap your hands, ooh feeling tonight, some kinda wonderful feeling inside, some kinda wonderful [brother] any last words . [boy] karma, danny. Karma [vo] progress is seizing the moment. Your summer moment awaits you, now that the summer of audi sales event is here. Audi will cover your first months lease payment on select models during the summer of audi sales event. Jimmy welcome back to the show. Andy samberg, jillian bell, music from 2chainz, trey songz and Ty Dolla Sign. Fathers day is almost here. Which means you only have a couple days to find a tastefully masculine Fidget Spinner or whatever [ laughter ]. If you havent picked out a gift, let me save you some time. Sunday give your father what he really wants, an extra 20 minutes of ipad toilet time, thats all, its enough. [ laughter ] if you really want to make the most of fathers day i invite you to take part in our annual youtube challenge. We have a longstanding tradition now of making fathers day mischief. Weve asked one year we asked kids to serve their dads breakfast the hard way. Heres your breakfast. I get breakfast . Hey geez. What the heck is that . Aah jimmy we asked people to spray dad with a hose one year. Hey, dad. [ bleep ] what are you doing . Aah [ bleep ] jimmy another year we told people to play catch with dad with something other than a ball. We got some creative responses to that. Hey, dad, catch. [ bleep ] damn it jimmy kimmel said to do it is jimmy yeah. If you need to blame me, go right ahead. I dont mind. This years challenge, its not physical, its a verbal challenge. I want you to sneak up on your dad and when he least expects it yell i love you, dad as loud as you can. Do this whenever and wherever you want. Be sure that, a, you surprise him and, b, you do not injure him in any way. Do not do this while hes driving, while hes being wheeled into heart surgery, none of those things. [ laughter ] otherwise record yourself yelling i love you dad and post to it youtube with the title hey jimmy kimmel i told my dad i love him. Its going to be very sweet. Look for a message from us. Well put the best ones on the show next week. And you know, id say as much as most of us love our fathers, we keep secrets from them. And everyone knows that honesty is the best policy. So we went out on the street and we asked kids to tell us the worst thing they ever did, while their dad was standing right next to them. This is how that went. Whats the worst thing youve done that youve never told your dad . Probably when i got in trouble by using bad words. What bad words . Like the fword. Whats the fword . I cant tell you. You can tell me. [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] how do you feel about that . Not too good. [ laughter ] tell your dad the worst thing youve ever done. I went to a party and i got really messed up and i had to walk line 10 miles home. Oh, that scares you to walk the 10 miles home, though. I got chased by the well, it wasnt like the police but it was like the Security Guard at the mall. Ive gotten chased multiple times. You have not. I have. Oh my gosh. When my friends over and stuff, we do a lot of prank calls. Prank calls . Who do you call . We call walgreens, we call like almost like every store. What do you say . Poke butt. You sell vanilla biscuit . And what else . I think i pooped. A while ago he had these bluetooth ear buds. And i sold them on the internet. You sold them . For how much . 20 bucks. Seriously . I wondered where they were, too. Watched a rated r movie. Snuck out. He didnt know. Smoked weed. Shrooms. Happy fathers day [ cheers and applause ] jimmy maybe he should have stopped at 12 kids. We have a good show tonight. We have music from 2 chainz with trey songz and Ty Dolla Sign. Julian bell is here. Well be right back with andy samberg [ cheers and applause ] dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by kfc. Its Finger Lickin good. Youre not taking these. Hey, hey, hey youre not taking those. Whoa, whoa youre not taking that. Come with me. Youre not taking that. Youre not taking that. Youre not taking that. Mom, im taking the subaru. Dont be late. Even when were not there to keep them safe, our Subaru Outback will be. vo love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Discover card. Hooh, youre real . . You know im real at discover, were always here to talk. Good, cause i dont have time for machines. Some Companies Just dont appreciate the power of conversation you know, i like you i like you too at discover, we treat you like youd treat you. Get the it card and talk to a real person. You have. Bug eyes [intern] i have some terrible news. Theyre destroying the whole town the Energy Conscious whopeople among usle . Say small actions can add up to something. Humongous. A little thing here. A little thing there. Starts to feel like a badge maybe millions can wear. Who are all these caretakers, advocates too . Turns out, its californians its me and its you. Dont stop now, its easy to add to the routine. Join Energy Upgrade california and do your thing. Jimmy hi there, welcome back to the show. Tonight from the new movie rough night, jillian bell is here. And then his album comes out tomorrow. Its called pretty girls like trap music. 2 chainz featuring trey songz and Ty Dolla Sign from the mercedesbenz stage. They have something very theatrical planned, they really put something together. Next week we have a whole week of new shows with elle fanning, casey affleck, tatiana maslany, chris hardwick, paul w. Downs, allison tollman, sir anthony hopkins, music from playboi carti, and queen with adam lambert singing lead. So that will be a lot of fun, please join us for all of that next week. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is an emmy and golden globewinning american citizen with a very funny new mockumentary about racing bicycles on drugs, its called tour de pharmacy. You seem very, very proud of your homeland. Indeed i am, you know, i miss it. Being here in france, i miss it back home. I bless the rains down in africa. Right, right, like the song. Oh, im not familiar with that. Its the lyrics to the toto song africa. Im not familiar with that. But at any rate. Its going to take a lot to to drag me away from you. From you. Thats what i was going to say. We can do it in harmony. Thats so bizarre. I was going to say drag away from this great interview. Jimmy tour de pharmacy premieres july 8th on hbo. Please welcome andy samberg. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you look great. Yes jimmy the glasses. The glasses are yours. Yes. Jimmy yeah. Is that a bandaid . Adhering your nose to your face . Well, i finally did it, i got the nose job. [ laughter ] jimmy who is your doctor . He did a beautiful job. I left it on because i just wanted to see if anyone noticed the difference. Jimmy well, yeah, we all noticed, so you can rest easy. Surprise [ laughter ] jimmy how are you doing . Whats going on with you . Im great. Jimmy youre good, everythings good in your life . Yeah, wonderful, i feel happy. Ive got to say, though. Craziest thing. I dvrd the oscars. Jimmy oh . And i just watched it last night [ laughter ] jimmy really. Jimmy, that was crazy. They got best picture wrong [ laughter ] jimmy wait a minute, you you must have been freaking out have you been talking about it a lot . Have you had to talk about it a lot . Jimmy i did mention it, yeah. I was in my house like, no its moonlight [ laughter ] the la la land people must have been so embarrassed. Have you talked about it a lot . Jimmy i did, yeah. I mentioned it. Because i just watched it last night. Jimmy it was actually a good while ago. I dont want to ruin anything for you. Yeah. Jimmy you know i know youre from the bay area. I am. Jimmy the nba finals are also over. That i watched. Jimmy a