Hi, everybody. Im jimmy, im the host of the show. Thank you for watching. Thanks for coming. Thanks for everything, really. I appreciate it. Well, for those of you who were with us in primetime tonight, welcome back. After another evening of bigtime basketball, game three of the nba finals between the Golden State Warriors and cleveland cavaliers, this is the third time these teams have matched up for the finals. And as we learned last year, anything can happen. A player could turn into a werewolf. We dont know. We really just dont know. By the way, one thing we know is they jack up the ticket prices this time of year. Courtside seats for game three, in cleveland, went for as much as 20,000 a pop. You know, usually to be able to afford that you have to have a baby with a player. [ laughter ] thats serious money. Tonights game as i mentioned was in cleveland, where of course they have very dedicated fans. I think i did a lot of research. I believe these two win the best tshirt contest for 2017 for this. I may be indian, but i hate curry. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thats very strong, well done. Meanwhile in washington. All eyes were off the court and on congress for the main event tomorrow. Former fbi director james comey will appear before the Senate Intelligence committee to spill the beans on president trump, which when you think about it on a human level is pretty great for james comey. Can you imagine getting fired and then the next thick you know you get to trash talk your boss in front of the whole world . Its like a dream come true. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] we got a surprise preview today of what comey plans to share. The Senate Released his prepared statement. President trump is like, you can prepare statements . [ laughter ] but there are a few good nuggets in it. Comey confirmed that trump asked him to let go of the investigation into exnational security adviser Michael Flynns ties to russia. He said in four months he had nine oneonone conversations with trump, three in person, six on the phone, which is very unusual. And this is what comey wrote about his dinner with trump back in january. He wrote, he had called me at lunchtime that day, invite med to dinner that night, saying he was going to invite my whole family but decided to have just me this time with the whole family coming next time. It was unclear from the conversation who else would be at the dinner. Although i assumed there would be others. It turned out to be just the two of us. Its starting to read like chapter one of fifty shades of orange. Right . Very sexual. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] comey wrote that at their dinner the president said, i need loyalty, i expect loyalty. Which is not an appropriate thing for a president to ask the head of the fbi. Unless hes lanning to do the right thing and marry him, that is. [ laughter ] and trump told comey he had nothing to do with russia, had not been involved with hookers in russia. And he always assumed hes been recorded. I love that he denied being involved with hookers in russia. Let me tell you, bill clinton must be laughing his ass right now. Wherever the hell he is. [ cheers and applause ] so then because these were Uncomfortable Conversations comey told the attorney general, jeff sessions, he did not want any future direct communication with president trump. Melania said the same thing by the way. [ laughter ] it didnt work out for either of them. So tomorrow will be an interesting day. Today is an interesting day. I dont know if you know this, today is the Vice President s birthday. Mike pence. I know this because one of our writers got an email yesterday from karen pence, his wife. The subject you see, hi, do you have a minute . Michaels birthday. Friend, it has been my true honor and greatest privilege standing by my husbands side as your second lady. It has been a remark able ride. It has been remarkable. One thing it has been is remarkable. She wrote, i wanted to make sure you knew about an important upcoming event, more importantly i want to give you a chance to join us in our ankle braces tomorrow, june sfenth, 2017. My husband, Vice President michael pence, will turn 50 years old and i cant think of a better way to celebrate than a birthday card signed by millions of americans just like you. You cant any bed hed like a back rub more, that would be better. Shes like the annoying person at the office who brings a giant card around and forces everyone to sign it. The Vice President would love to see your name and it would mean the world to our family if you added your happy birthday wish by 9 00 p. M. On june 7th, 2017. Then there are two links to sign the card. This is a very sad email, folks. [ laughter ] by the way, if you click on one of the links to sign the card, you get this. You cant even write a birthday message, just your name, email, and zip code. For his birthday mike pence gets a list of names, emails and zip codes. That sounds like fun. Its not at all like a thinly veiled attempt to get your voter information. For fundraising purposes. Poor mike pence. Thats a terrible birthday. Maybe after the testimony tomorrow his Birthday Gift will be getting to be president of the united states. [ cheers and applause ] i know this is out of left field, remember zima . Like a weird yeah, alcoholic beverage from the early 90s . Yous zima to figure out who at the bar you didnt want to talk to. It was huge, it was a huge thing. Then all of a sudden it was gone. But theyre breaking it back. This fourth of july weekend, zima makes a comeback. Id almost rather zika make a comeback than zima. [ laughter ] which by the way is really good timing. You really want to wait until theres a virus thats one letter off from the name of your product before relaunching that product. But i guess these are turbulent times. And we need as many ways to get drunk as possible. So welcome back, zima. You know, also College Graduation soap is wrapping up. And commencement ceremony, this is a big deal for the students and their families. And many schools as you know book celebrity speakers. I believe Mark Zuckerberg gave a speech. Hillary clinton. They all gave commencement addresses this year. Not every school can land an alister. To the service of those graduates of those schools we put together, weve been working very hard on this, we put together an allpurpose, allstar graduation speech that is 100 guaranteed to position you for success in life. So Pay Attention because i think you just might learn something. Administrators, faculty brothers and sisters nerds, jocks, douche bags sex offenders, both registered and unregistered and the class of 2017. Look to the person on your left. Now look to the person on your right. One of you will be dead by the end of my speech. Its time for you all to put down your phones. And pick up the next generation of phones. They have a much, much better camera. Dont forget the people that brought you to this place. Im talking about the uber drivers. Theyre the real heroes of today. Never give up. Unless its hard. The world needs more dreamers. And it also needs more quiz knows employees. Why does it take so long to get quiznos . Its just a sandwich. 45 minutes, its ridiculous. Im reminded of an important decision in my life. When i was a teenager, i ran over a humansized bump in the road. My mother said, just keep driving. That was a great lesson. I was in your shoes once. And your underwear. You should really lock your door. 50 years from now when you look back on your life, you will ask yourself, was i famous enough . Did the paparazzi pay enough attention to me . Or were they way more interested in my wife . Do follow your dreams. Unless your dreams are to scoff and murder me. Then good luck. I kill you first. Dont compare yourselves to others. Theres always going to be somebody whos richer, more successful, better looking. That persons me. Do not claim to be lactose intolerant. Say what you really are. A milk racist. Theres more than one way to skin a cat. And you should try all of them before you die. Next time youre at a concert, wave your hands in the air like you just do care. About aids. Saying, i need some me time, is just another way of saying, i dont want any you time. Take a hint, becky. The great Winston Churchill once said, when a woman lights a candle, its to set the mood. When a man lights the candle, its because he destroyed the bathroom. This is true. If Abraham Lincoln were alive today, id be like, how is that . How got shot in the head, you shouldnt even be here. Youre decome pose, its nasty, dont do that, get out of here. The great maya angelou once said that beauty comes from within. But so does diarrhea. Never forget that. I dont have a college degree. But i do have a yacht. Guess you can eat it, education. Whos the dummy now . I only paid 30 million for it. On credit. I dont even have the money. A great man by the name of bazooka joe once said to his father, dad, have you ever seen a machine that can tell if youre lying . Well, his dad said, seen one . I married one. There are three rules in life. Number one. Never quit. Rule number two. Never trust a man in a trench coat. Could be two Little People stacked on top of each other. I learned that the hard way. And rule number three. Do something bold let a horse ride you it feels so good. Now you guys get out of here and go build me a real live sex robot. Good luck. Where do i get my gift bag . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, everybody. Congratulations. We have to take a break. When we come back, soccer star neymar jr. Is going to try to kick a ball, thats him, past a goalie named guillermo whos all the way on the other side of the street. Stick around, well be right back with that. [ cheers and applause ] its here its here its here ahhhhhhh boom open it should i open it . Ahahaaa yeaaa this is worth every penny this is so my color but youve never had em quite like this. At red lobsters lobster shrimp summerfest, the lobster and shrimp you love are teaming up in so many new ways. Like new coastal lobster and shrimp, with a lobster tail with butter and herbs, sweet, smoky bbq red shrimp, and shrimp crusted with. Get this. Cape cod kettle chips. Or try lobster and shrimp overboard. A dish this good. Makes you this hungry. Its the highlight of the season, and cant last. So hurry in. Goal nitedhealthcare, you can get rewarded for waldad. We wanna welcome everyone to the father daughter dance. Walk, move and earn money. For outofpocket medical expenses. Hes ok unitedhealthcare well youre really gonna hate the new ipad pro because you can do pretty much everything with it, like type. Hate it. Or take notes. Hate it. Or even multitask. Multihate yeah. You can do all the things you hate. Great. Oreo thins. A thin twist on the oreo cookie you love. You know what i could go for right hmmm some sweet barbeque. Or spicy crave van here, try my new barbeque Bacon Cheeseburger and chicken sandwich with your choice of sweet or spicy barbeque sauce. You crave it, we serve it. Crave van you know what i could go for right hmmm some sweet barbeque. Or spicy crave van here, try my new barbeque Bacon Cheeseburger and chicken sandwich with your choice of sweet or spicy barbeque sauce. You crave it, we serve it. Crave van welcome back to the show. Cleto and the cletones with the music of timbukthree. Michael keaton, Anthony Davis, and music from Charlie Wilson and robin thicke all on the way. If youre a soccer fan how w many soccer fans do we have here . [ cheers and applause ] know at least 40 of you are lying but i appreciate the enthusiasm. If you are a soccer fan you are undoubtedly familiar with the super human known as neymar jr. [ cheers and applause ] hes the star players for barcelona and for the Brazilian National team, he won an olympic gold medal, hes only 25 years old and he happens to be on our roof right now. Hola, amigo. Hi, jimmy. Thank you. Jimmy neymar, first of all, thanks for taking the elevator all the way up there. [ laughter ] your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to score the firstever goal over hollywood boulevard from our building to the el capitan to the Hollywood Highland Center all the way across the street. Do you think you can do it . Can you make it to the hollywood and Highland Center . I can. Jimmy beautiful. But not only is the net more than 150 feet away, it is being guarded by americas number one goalie security guard. Guillermo. [ cheers and applause ] hi, guillermo. Guillermo hi, jimmy jimmy you look great. Guillermo jimmy, im very excited, very happy with neymar jimmy you look like we should cut you in half and squeeze you into a drink. Guillermo, if i remember correctly, you love heights, right . Guillermo no, i hate heights. Jimmy you do not like heights, yes. Neymars your favorite soccer player, correct . Guillermo yes, i love neymar, you know that. Jimmy i know that. Are you nervous right now . Guillermo no, not nervous, im happy right now with neymar. Jimmy youre happy, to be almost so close to him, it must be exciting. Which are you more worried about right now, playing against your favorite or plummeting to your death . Guillermo plummeting to my death. Jimmy do not dive for the ball. Okay . Guillermo okay, jimmy. I promise. Jimmy this is important but not that important. Neymar, are you nervous right now . Come on, man. I will try. Jimmy what if i told you guillermo plays for a recreational soccer team in North Hollywood . And they won their first playoff game on sunday . Are you nervous now . No . Okay, all right. No. Jimmy all right, then. Lets do this. This is a long kick. I dont know, seems kind of seems a little more dangerous than i care for. But lets do it. Are you ready . Ready. Jimmy all right, lets do it. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] going all the way over hollywood boulevard. Guillermo three, two, one jimmy and here we go. It is oh, a little bit short oh, this is where a guy gets hit by a bus. Okay. Unfortunately we only have one ball so this is going to take no, okay, all right. Here we go again. Just got to get a little more leg into it. Whoa a little bit short. Wow. Why is there no did we clear the traffic . Oh. Once again we brought the city to a complete halt for no good reason at all neymar. Guillermo come on neymar neymar, neymar jimmy take your time. And here we go. It is a big kick oh my goodness [ cheers and applause ] jimmy can we look at that again . Can we look at it again in slow motion . Lets take another look. Heres the ball. He had the distance. And right in the corner of the net. Past guillermo. What was the one thing i told you not to do . Guillermo not to dive. Jimmy yeah, not to dive. Guillermo but its neymar, jimmy, the best player in the world. Jimmy you gave 110 . Neymar, that was quite a shot, congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you. Jimmy have fun up there. We have a great show for you tonight. Charlie wilson and robin thicke. Anthony davis is here and well be right back with Michael Keaton. So stick around [ cheers and applause ] dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by the new dennys on demand. Order up at dennys. Com. Weli had to get myike sunscoffee, jane lynchion. Well what can we do to fix this . Wake up earlier . Awe, thats cute. No. Next time use masterpass. Add value. Order your coffee ahead. Speed past the line. Open the pool on time. Winning the morning. Priceless dont just buy it. Masterpass it. [ eerie music playing ] it takes a monster. She did something to me. To defeat a monster. The essence of evil calls to you now. The mummy. Rated pg13. But the way we watch it is not. So, lets do something else. Like what . Like, watch tv wherever. Whats that supposed to mean . It means, anywhere. In a car . Yep. Oof. But not like that. Like this. Oooh, family boat trip yeah. And check this, record as many shows as you want. What . What . I just got chills. I know tv, like, made for us. Finally finally. Yeah. Finally. Wait, thats way cheaper than cable. Pg e learned a tragic lesson we can never forget. This gas pipeline ruptured in san bruno. The explosion and fire killed eight people. Pg e was convicted of six felony charges including five violations of the u. S. Pipeline safety act and obstructing an ntsb investigation. Pg e was fined, placed under an outside monitor, given five years of probation, and required to perform 10,000 hours of community service. We are deeply sorry. We failed our customers in san bruno. While an apology alone will never be enough, actions can make pg e safer. And thats why weve replaced hundreds of miles of gas pipeline, adopted new Leak Detection technology that is onethousand times more sensitive, and built a stateoftheart gas operations center. We can never forget what happened in san bruno. Thats why were working every day to make pg e the safest Energy Company in the nation. My neighbor says that i shouldnt let my kids raid the fridge whenever they want. Im dancing with the devil, she says. Give them a taste of freedom at this age, soon they are running wild doing whatever they want, whenever they want and then boom, im a grandma. Please sharon, its just yogurt. Jimmy hi there, welcome back to the show. Tonight, a fourtime allstar from the new orleans pelicans, Anthony Davis is here. Then, his latest album is called in it to win it. Charlie wilson featuring robin thicke from the mercedesbenz stage. We are back in primetime on friday night for game four of the nba finals with owen wilson, zach lavine, jamal crawford, and julius randle. And we have a new show in late night after that with mandy moore, jerrod carmichael, music from bebe rexa with lil wayne, and i take on the winner of the Scripps National spelling bee. Shes 12 yearsold and she will soon know the meaning of defuh however defeat is spelled she will know. Our first guest is an oscarnominated, golden globewinning actor who played a fictional superhero, a fictional, superhero and now, super villain. He suits up as the menacing vulture in spiderman homecoming, it opens july 7th. Please welcome