Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170321 : comparemela

Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170321



to dancing with the stars. this morning, president trump woke up, tweeted from the toilet, which means we get six more weeks of spring. what a day in washington today. fbi director james comey, remember james comey, the guy who many believe handed donald trump the election. well director comey this morning did not do the president any favors. officially confirming that they are investigating potential ties between the russian government and the trump for president campaign. >> i have been authorized by the department of justice to confirm the fbi as part of our counterintelligence mission is investigating the russian government's efforts to interfere in the 2016 presidential election. and that includes investigating the nature of any links between individuals associated with the trump campaign and the russian government, and whether there was any coordination between the campaign and russia's efforts. >> jimmy: i know trump doesn't watch cnn. if he find out about this -- that guy is so fired. surprising, moments after comey confirmed the investigation, trump held a press conference and finally came clean about his involvement with russia. >> i am a traitor. >> whoa. that is a bigly -- director comey also weighed in on trump's claim that obama wire tapped him at his office. that didn't go trump's way either. >> director comey was the president's statement that obama had his wires tapped in trump tire a true statement? >> with respect to the president's tweets, about alleged wiretapping directed at him by the prior administration, i have no information that supports those tweets. and we have looked carefully inside the fbi the department of justice has asked me to share with you, that the answer is the same for the department of justice and all its components. the department has no information that supports those tweets. >> jimmy: imagine working at department of justice, having the boss tell you, i have some tweets i need you to look into. the fbi and justice department have no evidence to support trump's story. that means donald trump really did just see something on fox news, assumed it was true, and ran with it. i turn on fox news this afternoon. after three minutes of watching, i saw a commercial for walk-in bathtub, and lemon pepper tuna in a pouch. so, this is where the president is getting his information. this fake news thing, this isn't just a strategy, he really doesn't know which news is fake or not. somebody should make sure he knows game of thrones isn't real, so he doesn't start working on a dem to protect us from dragons. even with all this unprecedented madness going on, this is what we are focused on. type fbi director comey's name into google, the number one most searched phrase, before russia, before trump, james comey height. more than anything, we want to know how tall he is. president trump wasn't busy googling james comey today going berserk on twitter this morning. he tweeted what about all the contact with the clinton campaign and the russians? also is it true the dnc would not let the fbi in to look? we don't know. why are you asking us? you are the president. donald trump knows he is in trouble, he immediately, he fires back. kind of like when your wife catches you sexting with another woman, going, what were you doing looking at my phone. meanwhile, while all this is going on, president obama is in tahi tahiti, playing hackysack and making a necklace of pooka shells on the beach. no idea what is happening. trump's approval rating down to 37%. bill clinton had to do weird stuff with cigars to get it to 37%. trump has the highest low approval rating of any president ever. [ applause ] he met with, bill gates today, it was, an historic meeting. america's two worst haircuts in the oval office together for the first time. they reportedly talked about their shared commitment to finding and stopping disease outbreaks around the world. you know, that's great. but if bill gates wanted to do some good he should have grabbed trump's phone and locked him out of his twitter account. i guess trump had enough of this sitting in the white house thing. he is back to basics. at a rally in louisville tonight. slowed him down to half-speed, for tonight's edition of" kgs drunk donald >> we could have been watching a basketball game. so what happened? what happened? that's all right. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> that's what we should be doing. saying hi to people. when all the mud gets stirred up on a day lake today, white house press secretary, sean spicer, he has to come in with a bucket. go out there every day to explain what the hell is going on. this one especially was a difficult afternoon. to lighten the mood we put this together. a curated assortment of stumbles and bumbles from sporty spicer. >> guys, good afternoon. good afternoon. yesterday the president, president, trump, the president issued a memorandum. outlining executive branch hiring. the president made it clear throughout the, throughout his time. the president will depart from this white house to the winter white house, welcome and confirm, swear in, secretary tillerson. secretary, with the, the, as, the prosecuted. the pro law enforcement. humanitarian imperative. this meeting was an important, important, economic, economically. lowering drug prices. first order, order. in that, these, brave men and women. he appointed a, tough, calling for tough vetted individuals from travelers, large physical barrier. good morning. good afternoon. not my fault! ♪ >> jimmy: well, a powerful speaker. today was a -- very good day for tom brady. they found his missing super bowl jersey. found it in mexico of all places. reported it had been stolen by a member of the foreign press after the super bowl. this its a photo of the man who took the shirt. oh, no, wait a minute. that's you. you didn't take the shirt? >> no, i didn't. >> jimmy: the man who is actually suspected of the theft is former director of the mexican newspaper. they say he used media credential to get access to the locker room. they think he may have stolen one of vaughn miller's helmets from the superbem last year. a fairly serious crime. the jersey worth $500,000. the fbi played a rolen recovering it. the morning meetings of the fbi must be very strange right now. any news on the president conspireing with the russian government? and where are we on tom brady's laundry? but, did get it back. finally something good has happened to tom brady. and i think we are all happy about that. this is another kind of football. from south africa, where a player from ghana won the award for man of the match. followed by a medal for husband of the year. >> i always wished to win one of these. and i got it. so, thank you very much for, for this, for giving me this. and i appreciate my friend also. my wife, and my girlfriend. i mean, my wife, sorry to say. i'm sorry. very sorry, my wife. i love you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: both, i mean -- maybe a good idea to pick up flowers on the way home. the dating app tinder, exclusive feature on tinder, tinder select. like a secret vip version of tinder. available by invitation only. you can't pay for it. you have to be pecked by someone at tinder, hence the name tinder select. really the only thing more depressing not getting picked by a person on tinder, knowing there is a top secret version of tinder you are not getting picked for either. i remember a simpler team you didn't have to be in a club to have casual sex you. just want to the rest stop off the freeway in the middle of the night. it can be hard to keep track of vip, tinder select, uber select, now tinder and uber are teaming up for a new service, you probably can't join either. >> tinder select gets you into the members only section of tinder. what if you need a date and a ride? introducing, tuber select. open the tuber select app enter your location. then scroll through the profiles of single uber drivers in your area. and when you find one you like, swipe right. if you match, your driver date will arrive in minutes. >> allison. >> allison. >> okay. thanks. >> tuber select makes dating easy. >> where do you want to go? >> i don't know. where do you want to go? >> sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. >> tuber select. >> wow, your trunk is so big. >> thank you. >> coming soon, tuber pool. for sharing ride and so much more. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are going to take a break. when we come back, my sal, lend an unhelpful hand at the l.a. marathon. and explain what guillermo has in his mouth right now. stick around. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ "the birds and the bees" by dean martin ♪ let me tell you 'bout... ♪ ♪ the birds the bees and the flowers and the trees ♪ ♪ and the moon up above and a thing called love. ♪ ♪ let me tell you 'bout the stars in the sk♪, a girl and a guy and the way they could kiss ♪ ♪ on a night like this. ♪ ♪ when i look into your big brown eyes ♪ ♪ it's so very plain to s♪e ♪ that it's time you learned about the facts of life ♪ ♪ startin' from a to z. ♪ ♪ let me tell you bout the the birds and the bees ♪ life's as big as you make it. introducing the all-new seven seater volkswagen atlas ♪and a thing called love. i bet you a buck hek catches this salt shaker.u. you're on. hey chuck! you owe me a buck. you can't always see what's coming... ...but when you choose unitedhealthcare, finding an in-network doctor is easy. unitedhealthcare before we hit the beach, i'we can't stay here!o. why? terrible toilet paper! i'll never get clean! way ahead of you, big daddy. aww charmin ultra strong. it's washcloth-like texture helps clean better. it's four times stronger... ...and you can use less. beautiful view. (wiggles butt) thanks to charmin. and you, honeybear! awwwww we all go. why not enjoy the go with charmin? hey allergy muddlers are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool? try zyrtec® zyrtec® starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. stick with zyrtec®. muddle no more®. try rhinocort® allergy spray for powerful nasal allergy relief. >> jimmy: hi there. wonderful to have you back. and adam carolla, yara shahi dim. and ice-t.i. today, today is international happiness day. [ cheers and applause ] i don't know. first off, it is monday. which is the least happy day of the week. don't know why you would have it today. secondly, why is every day a second day of something. and how do the made up holidays spread. every day is a day. tomorrow is national fragrance day. wednesday is national melba toast day, wines day wednesday with kathie lee and hoda. a rule going forward. unless a special aisle selling candy for it. it is not a holiday. see you at easter. okay. earlier tonight, actually today is kind of a holiday. earlier today here on abc, season 24 of "dancing with the stars" premiered. this is the series that constantly redefines the words dancing and stars. it is the cast -- this time around, includes, olympians, simone bile, nancy kerrigan, bachelor, nick vile dancing, mr. t on the dance floor, charo, like "love boat" from 1982. we have a tradition around here. start of every season, before a single paso has been dobled, i predict which dancer will win it all. real money. bet on dancing with the stars. i won a lot. i can't fill out an ncaa bracket for the life of me. got the super bowl wrong. when it comes to ballroom dancing and "the bachelor" by the way, i am golden. correctly predicted, winner of dancing with the stars, again, make this choice before the season starts. nine out of 18 times. that's almost half, i think. this afternoon, i wrote the name of my dancing star on a piece of paper. folded that paper up. locked it in a tiny briefcase. i lovingly placed that briefcase inside guillermo's mouth. guillermo is the briefcase still safely stored in your mouth? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: has it been tampered with in any way? [ mumbling ] >> jimmy: no one touched the contents of the briefcase? [ mumbling ] >> jimmy: if you would sneeze, a chance you would swallow the briefca briefcase? [ mumbling ] >> jimmy: time to reveal my selection. drum roll, please. guillermo, open wide. show us the winner, the champion of "dancing with the stars, season 24" is? >> rashad jennings. >> jimmy: rashad jennings will bring home the mirror ball. or i will lose money. so, let's hope he does. yeah, think he is 14-1. i will win a lot if he wins the to night was premiere of dancing with the stars. yesterday another major parting competition through hollywood, l.a. their thmarathon? anyone in our audience run in the l.a. marathon? no, of course not. we don't attract that type. the l.a. marathon is more difficult than marathons in other cities, we don't close the streets here. since traffic is stopped any way. we run on top of the cars. the race started at dodger stadium. usually, someone running from dodger stadium, they made the mistake of rooting for the other team. in this case, marathon. started at dodgers stadium. ended in santa monica. 25,000 runners down hollywood boulevard. right past the front doors of the studio. my cousin sal represent us, providing nourishment and encouragement to runners passing by. thank you, jimmy. here at mile 11, l.a. marathon. tens of thousands of participants are on hand. many here for the glory. others for ham. get your honey-baked ham here. who wants some? this came from a very athletic pig. >> there you go. >> oh, come on. >> this is grocer than i thought. >> take the whole thing. making me sick. >> oh, look at that. great. all yours. cotton candy here. pure sugar. who wants a bite? girl. boy. girl. boy or girl? i hope you got your flu shot. a lot of people have been biting from that. >> aren't you jimmy kimmel's cousin, sal? >> i am. >> you want some candy. >> cotton candy. >> i think i am in love. >> football. hut, hut, hike! >> whoa! >> yeah. oh. >> catch up to it. >> oh. >> do a hook on two. set, hike. turn. turn. turn. >> yeah! whoa. >> good grab. >> take a whack at the donkey pinata, who wants a whack? >> ooh, come on, get in there. >> oh. go get it. water, go get it. who wants a blowout? good. good. good. >> beautiful. you are ready now. go. go. you want to look good. okay. go. win. win. win. >> come on. >> thanks. that will be $35. plus tip. whoo. lot of lice in this brush. ton of lice in this brush. look, i found richard simmons. i found richard simmons. he is all yours. take him. do me a favor. take richard to a safe place. go, go,akm. >> come on, richard! >> you and rich! >> who doesn't love crab legs? get your crab legs here. get your crab legs. crab leg, sir. straight from the l.a. river. you'll like it. there you go. >> all right. >> take a bite. take a bite. take a bite. >> that's yours. >> fresh socks here. trade in your old socks for new ones. >> do you have socks? >> switch out your socks? >> right now. >> okay. >> come on in, hurry. hurry if you want to win this thing. there you go. thank you. i'll take those. we have a deal. >> all right, thank you. >> old socks. who wants some old socks. ma'am. all right. there you go. >> old socks. >> that's nice. everybody got something. >> jimmy: thank you, uh cousin sal. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, mash-up monday music from ice-t.i. from "blackish" yara shahidi is here, and we'll be right back with adam carolla. so, stick around t ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] head right to theentic nearest subway. introducing the italian hero footlong. stacked with genoa salami, mortadella, and spicy capicola. add oil and vinegar and some mediterranean oregano. there you have it. it's our better italian flavor, for a better subway. the goalie has studied every one of your shots. she knows you're going for her left corner. she even teases you, calling the shot. but her legs are the ones trembling, not yours. ♪ time to shine. orbit. guyou'll swear it came from aew frfancy brunch place. its 100% real. just like my favorite sport - pro wrestling. um... yeah, about pro wrestling... its fake. what? lies!! its... all ...lies!! why didnt you tell me?!!!! sorry jack, i thought you knew. try my new grilled french toast plate with syrup and hickory smoked bacon. the newest addition to my brunchfast menu. hit me with this, youll feel better. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: tonight, from "blackish," which can be seen wednesday nights here on abc, yara shahidi is with us. then, it's mash-up monday. ice t and t.i. join forces to form "ice t.i." from the mercedes-benz stage. tomorrow night, dave chappelle will be here, naomi scott will be with us, we'll have music from weezer. and later this week, bill hader, shaquille o'neal, america ferrara, noah hawley. with music from imagine dragons and mondo cozmo. you know -- this is a special night tonight. tonight, we mark the 50th guest appearance by a man i not only a friend, but the first person i call when something is wrong with my toilet, he's a world record-holding podcaster and host of a new show called "adam carolla and friends build stuff live." it airs tuesdays at 10 on spike. please welcome adam carolla. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah! >> jimmy: really good to see you. congratulations on your 50th. that is more times -- >> wow. >> jimmy: anyone has been on the show. >> to be fair to me. the first 43 times were like year one. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> it would be 5:30. be at home. i'd get a call. joey buttafuoco has violated his parole. we need a lead guest pronto. that was the first 43. it slowed down a little bit. after that. >> jimmy: you haven't slowed down at all. still have the towel which is good. we were going to get you hey new towel to celebrate your 50th appearance on the show. then we forgot about it. we will get you a new towel. >> continue. >> jimmy: yes, we'll make up after the show. you have done one show. i have been on the show. explain the concept of the show. it is one of the strangest ideas for a show ever i think. >> thank you. >> jimmy: yeah. >> wait a minute. i build stuff live. we have someone in, adam sandler tomorrow night. >> jimmy: your guest tomorrow. >> last week. thank you. we take a project each week. we build it out for an hour. we have one hour to complete the project. so all done live. all done within the span of the show. i'm answering questions, doing the hosting stuff, the guest is building, trying to interview them. it is all done live and in one hour. >> jimmy: i didn't know really what it was going to be. i knew the concept. i show up. they're look you are going to build a loft. so we had a bunch of wood. we had tools. and screws and the whole time, adam is talking. i'm sitting drilling screws in. what becomes of the loft. will that go in the smithsonian, the loft i built? >> no, no, no, no. we donate all the projects to rich people. >> jimmy: rich people? >> been there done that with the -- >> jimmy: they get everything. >> funny, telling jimmy doing the loft. i have this neary which is your bed is too low to the ground. you are a loser. too high off the ground, there is a sweet spot of 27.4 inches. which is, i grew up with a futon on the floor. loser. then you get to a prison cot, and you are upstairs, right, on the bunkbed. three stooges triple style. if your bed is just this height. go to a four seasons or a la quinta, measure the bed it will be 27.4 inches the exact height you want to be. everyone should be striving for that by the way. >> jimmy: adam sandler building a bed tomorrow? what will you build tomorrow? >> we save the good projects for the a listers. >> jimmy: i see. >> we are doing a -- we are doing a panic room. >> jimmy: for real? >> yeah. >> jimmy: seal him in a room? >> well, no. i built a panic room in my house. >> jimmy: why, just to panic in? >> really to just, sometimes you need a quiet place to masturbate, be honest. the chances of gang bangers breaking into my house is way less than 1% of the chances that daddy needs a little quiet time. and -- >> jimmy: i will definitely get you that towel. >> yeah. so -- my glasses fogging up? >> they are. >> jimmy: the towel again. unbelievable. >> that's why i've got the towel. >> jimmy: by the way, we met, 1994. >> 1994. >> jimmy: you were hosting a show on public access television. you would help people with their construction projects. you know how to do this stuff? you were a woodworker. contractor. >> yes. yes. >> jimmy: footings, crazy stuff. we have a video from that. now this is when we first met was on the radio, krock in l.a. adam was training me to box for a boxing stunt that we had. so, i had about three weeks to train jimmy. >> mainly just to train him into falling in love with this fellow right here. >> jimmy: very little boxing went on. >> i love talking about me. you love drinking snapple. it was a match made in heaven. in terms of not training. >> jimmy: right, right, right. right. it wasn't exactly rocky. no. >> right, right. so all i had was this tape. so, after about three weeks, jimmy said, what have you got? i said i have a tape from a public access station, eagle rock, 1993. i brought it to jimmy's rented house in northridge, california. i made him watch it. in front of me. which was uncomfortable. >> jimmy: we sat down. watched it. my god what is this going to be. we have a clip from the tape. >> lot's find out. >> this is adam carolla, 1993. >> of live on the air on the house. give me your home improvement question, home fix it question. love to answer it for you. live you are on the air. >> yeah, how do you masturbate with the monkey? >> on the air, live, who is this? >> live, on the air. >> aren't you a wannabe, tim allen. >> put linoleum on top of that? >> do you look to put that on your penis? >> jimmy: did you ever get any real questions from the people that would call up? >> i had questions like, why don't you kill your snefl i don't know that's a question, per se. more of a statement, although, done in the form of a question. a. >> jimmy: to snow people you know what you were talking about. thought it would be interesting. we asked some people who have real home improvement questions. that sort of thing. don't know what the questions are. you don't know what the questions are. i know we have some people in the audience. who is first here. what's your name? >> jim. >> jimmy: where you from? >> pennsylvania. >> jimmy: do you have something you could use adam's help with? >> yeah, i need to replace -- >> you know who you look like? when they do those like weird snl sketches where eddie murphy has how to go undercover as a white guy. that's what you look like. let me see a little belly. don't drop your pants. let me just see what color is lurking underneath that shirt. pull it up a little bit. i want to move forward. first we have to verify. >> he has a protective t-shirt on there. >> exactly what i would wear if i was impersonating a white man. continue. >> jimmy: what is your question? >> oh. i need to replace the caulking around my bathtub. wondering what the best way would be to remove the old caulking? >> really good question. >> jimmy: caulking is something everyone can do. not many people understand. >> right. and i -- as a courtesy was calling it caulking my entire career. but caulking, it its. comes in black now too, by the way. i feel you, brother. hey, heat gun is a good thing. does your wife have a hair dryer? >> yes. >> use her hair dryer? don't have a heat gun? >> no. >> use the hair dryer. heat it up. and get like a utility knife. cut it out. like a box cutter, razor, whatever. they have things for taking out caulking, use the heat gun. that will loosen up. get rid of it. clean it with acetone, or, or, paint thin tner or denatured alcohol. make sure it is really clean. then put down your next base. got to be not just painter's caulk, but siliconized caulk, 100% siliconized be good. rub your finger in it. wipe it off. each time you are done. >> jimmy: you can eat it too, don't know if people realize that. >> how does it taste? >> it is good. pan paint chips are better with extra lead in them. caulk is good too if you are on a diet. >> jimmy: does that answer your question? >> thank you. >> there you go. that's the kind of thing. >> this is the kind of thing you are going to see tomorrow night when adam sandler is sealed into a panic room on adam carolla and friends build stuff live, tuesday night, 10:00, adam carolla, everybody. we will be right back. is your chance ♪ ♪ to do the hump. humpty dumpty: the what? 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[ sighs ] hey, i was using that. what, you think we own stock in the electric company? i will turn this car around right now! there's nobody back there. i was becoming my father. [ clears throat ] it's...been an adjustment, but we're making it work. you know, progressive.com makes it easy for us to get the right home insurance. [ snoring ] progressive can't protect you from becoming your parents, but we can protect your home and auto. [ chuckles ] all right. where the feeling, craftsmanship and luxury will last. but the offers...will not. experience uncommon refinement our most luxurious models ever, including the lx, ls and es during the lexus command performance sales event. but don't hesitate. this event ends march 31st. get up to $2,500 customer cash on select 2017 models for these terms. experience amazing at your lexus dealer. one of the first things we irishwas our beer.merica back then the largest brewery in the world was in dublin. and it's biggest beer was black. today there are nearly six and a half million irish in ireland and over 30 million irish-americans in the u.s. so we thought it was time to brew an irish-american beer. guinness blonde american lager irish born, american brewed. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back, to the show, yara shahidi and music from ice-t.i. is on the way, but first, there's a new animated movie coming out that i'm particularly excited about because i'm in it. it's dreamworks' "the boss baby", and stars alec baldwin as a very mature baby. and to give you a taste of the fun, you will have, we put alec's voice in a baby to prank some unsuspecting passers-by. festing -- testing, one, two, three, four. my name is baby. >> hey, there, kid. >> hi. >> listen up. i got $10 in my pocket if you can fetch me a decent cup of coffee. >> coffee? >> yes, i like coffee. >> water is for dogs. i'm a baby. >> he wants coffee. >> i need caffeine. >> daddy! >> you think you can give him a little. >> yum, yum, yum, yum. >> enough! it's a choking hazard. >> i'm sorry. >> you should be. you will be hearing from my lawyer. >> don't listen to him. he needs a nap. >> thank you. >> go buy some more denim. >> hello. >> hi. >> do you know where i can find a decent sushi place around here? >> on wilshire. >> okay, only one of the longest citistreets in city. >> we're new. >> i will wander, wilshire in my stroller. start at the ocean. straight downtown. you morons! >> mom, i feel a little pressure downstairs. >> all right, let me get a change of diaper. >> oh! whoa! >> oh, my gosh. that was something else. >> i am so, so, so embarrassed. >> that was a lot. >> sayonara. >> "the boss baby" in theaters, march 31. we'll be right back with yara shahidi. 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>> nowrooz. one way. >> jimmy: what happens on nowrooz? a mattress sale? >> no. persian new year. so it is like a continuation of a celebration of life, and spring and health, and getting ready to, i guess take on the next year. starts with like really amazing precelebrations. one is jahar bin shahi, you jump over fire. >> jimmy: really? what kind of fire? >> mini-bonfires. >> jimmy: how old when you start jumping over it, toddlers jumping over fire? >> this is how i describe it. there is no age restraint. really dependent if you have ups or not. if you can't jump very high, then you better like, i jump next to the fire sometimes. >> jimmy: okay. yeah. >> once you got to a place you are comfortable jumping over the fire then you do the full jump. >> jimmy: do the fires -- bigger as you become more accomplished as far as this goes? ceremonial. >> for the most part, like one level of fire. >> jimmy: all right. sounds like fun. is it fun? stay up late? ring in the new year? >> yeah, haji farooz brings you gifts. >> jimmy: are you making is up as a prank? oh, she told him, we jump over fire. >> no. >> jimmy: the idiot believed it. >> all a ploy. no, actually, iranians have it down pat when it comes to celebrate. just a fantastic 13-day celebration. you get gifts. celebrate with family. you have fantastic food. like a really cool unifying moment. actually, a challenge going on in what you are suppose to encourage some body noniranian to say "happy new year." >> jimmy: nowrooz al berak. that was some challenge. will you win something now? what will happen? >> pride. >> pride is good. and by the way, congratulations. i know you are about to graduate high school, right? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: did you go to a real high school? >> yeah. and i am actually at the dwight school, based in new york. >> jimmy: okay. now you are going to go to college? >> yes. >> jimmy: do youstudy. >> sociology, african-american studies. >> jimmy: applying for college on snapchat or however they do it now? >> it is all online. actually really interesting. helps you procrastinate. everything was due over christmas break. and so, one of my applications was due at 11:59 p.m. i turned it at 11:58 p.m. >> jimmy: do they notice you got it in before the deadline. i would be looking at that if i was them? >> i hope not. >> jimmy: yeah, they probably do. i heard you got a letter of recommendation from the first lady, michelle obama. >> i did. >> jimmy: how did you get that? >> hard work. i mean, it has been nice to be involved in her learning initiative. >> jimmy: how embarrassing if you don't get in after you have a letter -- >> i have got to tell you, i have a really cool letter from my ap-calc teacher. i want to brag. my ap-calc teacher wrote me a letter. not easy. prescription h >> jimmy: how does that work? does your teacher decide who, she will write a letter for? >> a process. you have to do will all year. >> jimmy: teacher's name? >> miss lee. >> jimmy: how many people did she write letters for? >> i don't know. just focus on the fact she wrote a letter for me. >> jimmy: i see, possible she wrote letters for everyone? >> i try not to think about that. >> jimmy: you are again focusing on the potz tisitive. >> yes. >> jimmy: your character on "blackish" is about to go to college as well. works out nicely. what happens if you do go to college? then are you not on the show anymore? >> you are talking about real life. it gets really confusing. g >> jimmy: no to me, real life is television. >> okay. then in both situations, yara/zoe will explore a new environment. i'm the same age as my character. we are going through this together. so, like we get to explore new side of zoe. >> jimmy: what if your character gets into a better college than you do? will there be a confrontation, jealousy? >> i think there has to be an episode who address it where yara comes back to talk to zoe about it. >> jimmy: possible they will have another spin-off show in which you will be in college? >> up to the abc people. >> jimmy: i see. >> there has been a discussion about having that conversation about what it is like to be a teenager in college given the current political, socio, economic state of our country. >> jimmy: right. i will fell you what it is like. they're mostly all drunk. it's really still, it's pretty much the same as it always was. it is people with a whole pitcher of beer drinking it and throwing up. >> i don't think they will show that on primetime tv. >> jimmy: maybe they might. you could bring that to america. >> my minirevolution. >> jimmy: congratulations to you. good to see you. the show is "blackish" every wednesday night, at 9:30. here on abc. yara shahshah everyone! we'll be back with music from ice-ti. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> announcer: next, a special "nightline" takes you inside today's house intelligence committee hearing. what we know now about russia and president trump's wiretapping allegations. pl ♪ ♪ it's spring, and we can't wait to open our sheds and get working on our yards. scotts and miracle-gro are here to help. we make it easy to grow thick, healthy lawns, spectacular plants, and bountiful flowers. because when spring starts right, the months that follow stay perfect. load up your shed with scotts and miracle-gro. it's time to get outside. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: i'd like to thank my guests and apologize to matt damon we ran out of time. nightline is next but first, it's mash-up monday. here with the songs "o.g. original gangster" and "bring em out" -- ice- t.i.! ♪ yeah, uh ♪ yeah yo ti is an original gangster la original gangster all the homies original gangsters yo ti mash this ♪ ♪ up for me real quick you don't mind if i do my thing do you do your thing ♪ the vip heard the night life lost life when i leave both the feds and the state wanna see my need the ♪ ♪ whole city got bizzerk he got treat anotha rapper got a hit but shawty he not me who set the city on ♪ ♪ fire as soon as he got freed da king back now don't even know how to act ♪ push a button to let the roof on the 'lac down make plays do my mack down mississippi to philly ♪ ♪ albuquerque to chatt town og taught me never never back down yeah yeah yeah 4, 3, 2, 1 ♪ ♪ why he's original gangster original gangster o g original gangster o g original gangster hey ♪ ♪ make some noise o g original gangster o g original gangster hey bro let me get some ♪ bring 'em out bring 'em out bring 'em out - bring 'em out okay, hey, hey ♪ ten years ago - i used to ♪ ♪ listen to rappers flow talkin' bout the way they rocked the mic at the disco i liked how that was ♪ ♪ goin' down dreamt about rep the mic with my own sound so i tried to write rhymes somethin' like them my ♪ ♪ boys said that ain't you ice that sounds like him so i sat back thought up a new track didn't fantasize ♪ ♪ kicked the pure fact all the suckers got scared cause they was unprepared who would tell it how it relly was ♪ ♪ who dared a young player from the west coast l.a. south central fool where the crips and the bloods play ♪ ♪ when i wrote about parties it didn't fit six in the mornin' that was the real bring it back ice ♪ o g original gangster o g original gangster o g original gangster ♪ ♪ o g original gangster 4, 3, 2, 1 when i wrote about parties someone always died when i ♪ ♪ tried to write happy yo i knew i lied cuz i lived a life of crime why play ya blind a simple look and ♪ ♪ anyone with two cents would know i'm a hardcore player from the streets rappin' bout hardcore ♪ ♪ topics over hardcore drum beats a little different than the average though jet you thru the fast lane drop ya ♪ ♪ on death row 'cause anybody who's been there knows that life ain't so lovely on the blood-soaked ♪ ♪ fast track that invincible don't work throw ya in a joint you'll be comin' out feet first so i blast the ♪ ♪ mic with my style sometimes i'm ill the other times buck wild but the science is always there ♪ ♪ i'd be a true sucker if i acted like i didn't care i rap for brothers just like myself dazed by the ♪ ♪ game in a quest for extreme wealth but i kick it to you hard and real one wrong move and you ♪ ♪ caps peeled - 4, 3, 2, 1 bring 'em out bring 'em out bring 'em out bring 'em out bring 'em out bring 'em ♪ ♪ out bring 'em out bring 'em out - 4, 3, 2, 1 once again what other rap rapper hooder than this ♪ ♪ i got rich and i'm still on some hoolagin you be rappin bout blow i was movin' the you talkin bout ♪ ♪ shootin' out and i was doin the if i hit you in the face you gon be suin and and if i catch anotha case ♪ ♪ i know i'm true to be missed so i'ma keep it cool head stay out of the news headlines and shows other ♪ ♪ rappers it's bedtime it's clear to see that i'm ahead of my time i copped a chromed out hard top top to shine ♪ ♪ i got some time it ain't cause i get better wit time who got a flow and a live show better than mine ♪ i got packed house yellin' bring 'em out bring 'em out aye all my hot girls ♪ ♪ yellin' bring 'em out bring 'em out aye all the og yellin' bring 'em out ♪ ♪ bring 'em out aye from the back they yellin' bring 'em out bring 'em out this is a special edition of "nightline," the russia investigation. tonight, fbi director james comey's extraordinary revelations confirming an ongoing investigation into the trump campaign's alleged russian ties. >> this will also include an assessment of any crimes were committed. >> denying any evidence that president obama wire tapped trump tower. >> i have no information that supports those tweets. >> all the president's men diverting attention to intelligence lieakers. will this dramatic showdown hurt america's standing on the world stage. where do we go from here? >> investigating and having proof are two different things. >> this special edition of "nightline" will be right back.

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Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170321 : Comparemela.com

Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170321

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to dancing with the stars. this morning, president trump woke up, tweeted from the toilet, which means we get six more weeks of spring. what a day in washington today. fbi director james comey, remember james comey, the guy who many believe handed donald trump the election. well director comey this morning did not do the president any favors. officially confirming that they are investigating potential ties between the russian government and the trump for president campaign. >> i have been authorized by the department of justice to confirm the fbi as part of our counterintelligence mission is investigating the russian government's efforts to interfere in the 2016 presidential election. and that includes investigating the nature of any links between individuals associated with the trump campaign and the russian government, and whether there was any coordination between the campaign and russia's efforts. >> jimmy: i know trump doesn't watch cnn. if he find out about this -- that guy is so fired. surprising, moments after comey confirmed the investigation, trump held a press conference and finally came clean about his involvement with russia. >> i am a traitor. >> whoa. that is a bigly -- director comey also weighed in on trump's claim that obama wire tapped him at his office. that didn't go trump's way either. >> director comey was the president's statement that obama had his wires tapped in trump tire a true statement? >> with respect to the president's tweets, about alleged wiretapping directed at him by the prior administration, i have no information that supports those tweets. and we have looked carefully inside the fbi the department of justice has asked me to share with you, that the answer is the same for the department of justice and all its components. the department has no information that supports those tweets. >> jimmy: imagine working at department of justice, having the boss tell you, i have some tweets i need you to look into. the fbi and justice department have no evidence to support trump's story. that means donald trump really did just see something on fox news, assumed it was true, and ran with it. i turn on fox news this afternoon. after three minutes of watching, i saw a commercial for walk-in bathtub, and lemon pepper tuna in a pouch. so, this is where the president is getting his information. this fake news thing, this isn't just a strategy, he really doesn't know which news is fake or not. somebody should make sure he knows game of thrones isn't real, so he doesn't start working on a dem to protect us from dragons. even with all this unprecedented madness going on, this is what we are focused on. type fbi director comey's name into google, the number one most searched phrase, before russia, before trump, james comey height. more than anything, we want to know how tall he is. president trump wasn't busy googling james comey today going berserk on twitter this morning. he tweeted what about all the contact with the clinton campaign and the russians? also is it true the dnc would not let the fbi in to look? we don't know. why are you asking us? you are the president. donald trump knows he is in trouble, he immediately, he fires back. kind of like when your wife catches you sexting with another woman, going, what were you doing looking at my phone. meanwhile, while all this is going on, president obama is in tahi tahiti, playing hackysack and making a necklace of pooka shells on the beach. no idea what is happening. trump's approval rating down to 37%. bill clinton had to do weird stuff with cigars to get it to 37%. trump has the highest low approval rating of any president ever. [ applause ] he met with, bill gates today, it was, an historic meeting. america's two worst haircuts in the oval office together for the first time. they reportedly talked about their shared commitment to finding and stopping disease outbreaks around the world. you know, that's great. but if bill gates wanted to do some good he should have grabbed trump's phone and locked him out of his twitter account. i guess trump had enough of this sitting in the white house thing. he is back to basics. at a rally in louisville tonight. slowed him down to half-speed, for tonight's edition of" kgs drunk donald >> we could have been watching a basketball game. so what happened? what happened? that's all right. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> that's what we should be doing. saying hi to people. when all the mud gets stirred up on a day lake today, white house press secretary, sean spicer, he has to come in with a bucket. go out there every day to explain what the hell is going on. this one especially was a difficult afternoon. to lighten the mood we put this together. a curated assortment of stumbles and bumbles from sporty spicer. >> guys, good afternoon. good afternoon. yesterday the president, president, trump, the president issued a memorandum. outlining executive branch hiring. the president made it clear throughout the, throughout his time. the president will depart from this white house to the winter white house, welcome and confirm, swear in, secretary tillerson. secretary, with the, the, as, the prosecuted. the pro law enforcement. humanitarian imperative. this meeting was an important, important, economic, economically. lowering drug prices. first order, order. in that, these, brave men and women. he appointed a, tough, calling for tough vetted individuals from travelers, large physical barrier. good morning. good afternoon. not my fault! ♪ >> jimmy: well, a powerful speaker. today was a -- very good day for tom brady. they found his missing super bowl jersey. found it in mexico of all places. reported it had been stolen by a member of the foreign press after the super bowl. this its a photo of the man who took the shirt. oh, no, wait a minute. that's you. you didn't take the shirt? >> no, i didn't. >> jimmy: the man who is actually suspected of the theft is former director of the mexican newspaper. they say he used media credential to get access to the locker room. they think he may have stolen one of vaughn miller's helmets from the superbem last year. a fairly serious crime. the jersey worth $500,000. the fbi played a rolen recovering it. the morning meetings of the fbi must be very strange right now. any news on the president conspireing with the russian government? and where are we on tom brady's laundry? but, did get it back. finally something good has happened to tom brady. and i think we are all happy about that. this is another kind of football. from south africa, where a player from ghana won the award for man of the match. followed by a medal for husband of the year. >> i always wished to win one of these. and i got it. so, thank you very much for, for this, for giving me this. and i appreciate my friend also. my wife, and my girlfriend. i mean, my wife, sorry to say. i'm sorry. very sorry, my wife. i love you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: both, i mean -- maybe a good idea to pick up flowers on the way home. the dating app tinder, exclusive feature on tinder, tinder select. like a secret vip version of tinder. available by invitation only. you can't pay for it. you have to be pecked by someone at tinder, hence the name tinder select. really the only thing more depressing not getting picked by a person on tinder, knowing there is a top secret version of tinder you are not getting picked for either. i remember a simpler team you didn't have to be in a club to have casual sex you. just want to the rest stop off the freeway in the middle of the night. it can be hard to keep track of vip, tinder select, uber select, now tinder and uber are teaming up for a new service, you probably can't join either. >> tinder select gets you into the members only section of tinder. what if you need a date and a ride? introducing, tuber select. open the tuber select app enter your location. then scroll through the profiles of single uber drivers in your area. and when you find one you like, swipe right. if you match, your driver date will arrive in minutes. >> allison. >> allison. >> okay. thanks. >> tuber select makes dating easy. >> where do you want to go? >> i don't know. where do you want to go? >> sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. >> tuber select. >> wow, your trunk is so big. >> thank you. >> coming soon, tuber pool. for sharing ride and so much more. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are going to take a break. when we come back, my sal, lend an unhelpful hand at the l.a. marathon. and explain what guillermo has in his mouth right now. stick around. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ "the birds and the bees" by dean martin ♪ let me tell you 'bout... ♪ ♪ the birds the bees and the flowers and the trees ♪ ♪ and the moon up above and a thing called love. ♪ ♪ let me tell you 'bout the stars in the sk♪, a girl and a guy and the way they could kiss ♪ ♪ on a night like this. ♪ ♪ when i look into your big brown eyes ♪ ♪ it's so very plain to s♪e ♪ that it's time you learned about the facts of life ♪ ♪ startin' from a to z. ♪ ♪ let me tell you bout the the birds and the bees ♪ life's as big as you make it. introducing the all-new seven seater volkswagen atlas ♪and a thing called love. i bet you a buck hek catches this salt shaker.u. you're on. hey chuck! you owe me a buck. you can't always see what's coming... ...but when you choose unitedhealthcare, finding an in-network doctor is easy. unitedhealthcare before we hit the beach, i'we can't stay here!o. why? terrible toilet paper! i'll never get clean! way ahead of you, big daddy. aww charmin ultra strong. it's washcloth-like texture helps clean better. it's four times stronger... ...and you can use less. beautiful view. (wiggles butt) thanks to charmin. and you, honeybear! awwwww we all go. why not enjoy the go with charmin? hey allergy muddlers are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool? try zyrtec® zyrtec® starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. stick with zyrtec®. muddle no more®. try rhinocort® allergy spray for powerful nasal allergy relief. >> jimmy: hi there. wonderful to have you back. and adam carolla, yara shahi dim. and ice-t.i. today, today is international happiness day. [ cheers and applause ] i don't know. first off, it is monday. which is the least happy day of the week. don't know why you would have it today. secondly, why is every day a second day of something. and how do the made up holidays spread. every day is a day. tomorrow is national fragrance day. wednesday is national melba toast day, wines day wednesday with kathie lee and hoda. a rule going forward. unless a special aisle selling candy for it. it is not a holiday. see you at easter. okay. earlier tonight, actually today is kind of a holiday. earlier today here on abc, season 24 of "dancing with the stars" premiered. this is the series that constantly redefines the words dancing and stars. it is the cast -- this time around, includes, olympians, simone bile, nancy kerrigan, bachelor, nick vile dancing, mr. t on the dance floor, charo, like "love boat" from 1982. we have a tradition around here. start of every season, before a single paso has been dobled, i predict which dancer will win it all. real money. bet on dancing with the stars. i won a lot. i can't fill out an ncaa bracket for the life of me. got the super bowl wrong. when it comes to ballroom dancing and "the bachelor" by the way, i am golden. correctly predicted, winner of dancing with the stars, again, make this choice before the season starts. nine out of 18 times. that's almost half, i think. this afternoon, i wrote the name of my dancing star on a piece of paper. folded that paper up. locked it in a tiny briefcase. i lovingly placed that briefcase inside guillermo's mouth. guillermo is the briefcase still safely stored in your mouth? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: has it been tampered with in any way? [ mumbling ] >> jimmy: no one touched the contents of the briefcase? [ mumbling ] >> jimmy: if you would sneeze, a chance you would swallow the briefca briefcase? [ mumbling ] >> jimmy: time to reveal my selection. drum roll, please. guillermo, open wide. show us the winner, the champion of "dancing with the stars, season 24" is? >> rashad jennings. >> jimmy: rashad jennings will bring home the mirror ball. or i will lose money. so, let's hope he does. yeah, think he is 14-1. i will win a lot if he wins the to night was premiere of dancing with the stars. yesterday another major parting competition through hollywood, l.a. their thmarathon? anyone in our audience run in the l.a. marathon? no, of course not. we don't attract that type. the l.a. marathon is more difficult than marathons in other cities, we don't close the streets here. since traffic is stopped any way. we run on top of the cars. the race started at dodger stadium. usually, someone running from dodger stadium, they made the mistake of rooting for the other team. in this case, marathon. started at dodgers stadium. ended in santa monica. 25,000 runners down hollywood boulevard. right past the front doors of the studio. my cousin sal represent us, providing nourishment and encouragement to runners passing by. thank you, jimmy. here at mile 11, l.a. marathon. tens of thousands of participants are on hand. many here for the glory. others for ham. get your honey-baked ham here. who wants some? this came from a very athletic pig. >> there you go. >> oh, come on. >> this is grocer than i thought. >> take the whole thing. making me sick. >> oh, look at that. great. all yours. cotton candy here. pure sugar. who wants a bite? girl. boy. girl. boy or girl? i hope you got your flu shot. a lot of people have been biting from that. >> aren't you jimmy kimmel's cousin, sal? >> i am. >> you want some candy. >> cotton candy. >> i think i am in love. >> football. hut, hut, hike! >> whoa! >> yeah. oh. >> catch up to it. >> oh. >> do a hook on two. set, hike. turn. turn. turn. >> yeah! whoa. >> good grab. >> take a whack at the donkey pinata, who wants a whack? >> ooh, come on, get in there. >> oh. go get it. water, go get it. who wants a blowout? good. good. good. >> beautiful. you are ready now. go. go. you want to look good. okay. go. win. win. win. >> come on. >> thanks. that will be $35. plus tip. whoo. lot of lice in this brush. ton of lice in this brush. look, i found richard simmons. i found richard simmons. he is all yours. take him. do me a favor. take richard to a safe place. go, go,akm. >> come on, richard! >> you and rich! >> who doesn't love crab legs? get your crab legs here. get your crab legs. crab leg, sir. straight from the l.a. river. you'll like it. there you go. >> all right. >> take a bite. take a bite. take a bite. >> that's yours. >> fresh socks here. trade in your old socks for new ones. >> do you have socks? >> switch out your socks? >> right now. >> okay. >> come on in, hurry. hurry if you want to win this thing. there you go. thank you. i'll take those. we have a deal. >> all right, thank you. >> old socks. who wants some old socks. ma'am. all right. there you go. >> old socks. >> that's nice. everybody got something. >> jimmy: thank you, uh cousin sal. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, mash-up monday music from ice-t.i. from "blackish" yara shahidi is here, and we'll be right back with adam carolla. so, stick around t ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] head right to theentic nearest subway. introducing the italian hero footlong. stacked with genoa salami, mortadella, and spicy capicola. add oil and vinegar and some mediterranean oregano. there you have it. it's our better italian flavor, for a better subway. the goalie has studied every one of your shots. she knows you're going for her left corner. she even teases you, calling the shot. but her legs are the ones trembling, not yours. ♪ time to shine. orbit. guyou'll swear it came from aew frfancy brunch place. its 100% real. just like my favorite sport - pro wrestling. um... yeah, about pro wrestling... its fake. what? lies!! its... all ...lies!! why didnt you tell me?!!!! sorry jack, i thought you knew. try my new grilled french toast plate with syrup and hickory smoked bacon. the newest addition to my brunchfast menu. hit me with this, youll feel better. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: tonight, from "blackish," which can be seen wednesday nights here on abc, yara shahidi is with us. then, it's mash-up monday. ice t and t.i. join forces to form "ice t.i." from the mercedes-benz stage. tomorrow night, dave chappelle will be here, naomi scott will be with us, we'll have music from weezer. and later this week, bill hader, shaquille o'neal, america ferrara, noah hawley. with music from imagine dragons and mondo cozmo. you know -- this is a special night tonight. tonight, we mark the 50th guest appearance by a man i not only a friend, but the first person i call when something is wrong with my toilet, he's a world record-holding podcaster and host of a new show called "adam carolla and friends build stuff live." it airs tuesdays at 10 on spike. please welcome adam carolla. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah! >> jimmy: really good to see you. congratulations on your 50th. that is more times -- >> wow. >> jimmy: anyone has been on the show. >> to be fair to me. the first 43 times were like year one. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> it would be 5:30. be at home. i'd get a call. joey buttafuoco has violated his parole. we need a lead guest pronto. that was the first 43. it slowed down a little bit. after that. >> jimmy: you haven't slowed down at all. still have the towel which is good. we were going to get you hey new towel to celebrate your 50th appearance on the show. then we forgot about it. we will get you a new towel. >> continue. >> jimmy: yes, we'll make up after the show. you have done one show. i have been on the show. explain the concept of the show. it is one of the strangest ideas for a show ever i think. >> thank you. >> jimmy: yeah. >> wait a minute. i build stuff live. we have someone in, adam sandler tomorrow night. >> jimmy: your guest tomorrow. >> last week. thank you. we take a project each week. we build it out for an hour. we have one hour to complete the project. so all done live. all done within the span of the show. i'm answering questions, doing the hosting stuff, the guest is building, trying to interview them. it is all done live and in one hour. >> jimmy: i didn't know really what it was going to be. i knew the concept. i show up. they're look you are going to build a loft. so we had a bunch of wood. we had tools. and screws and the whole time, adam is talking. i'm sitting drilling screws in. what becomes of the loft. will that go in the smithsonian, the loft i built? >> no, no, no, no. we donate all the projects to rich people. >> jimmy: rich people? >> been there done that with the -- >> jimmy: they get everything. >> funny, telling jimmy doing the loft. i have this neary which is your bed is too low to the ground. you are a loser. too high off the ground, there is a sweet spot of 27.4 inches. which is, i grew up with a futon on the floor. loser. then you get to a prison cot, and you are upstairs, right, on the bunkbed. three stooges triple style. if your bed is just this height. go to a four seasons or a la quinta, measure the bed it will be 27.4 inches the exact height you want to be. everyone should be striving for that by the way. >> jimmy: adam sandler building a bed tomorrow? what will you build tomorrow? >> we save the good projects for the a listers. >> jimmy: i see. >> we are doing a -- we are doing a panic room. >> jimmy: for real? >> yeah. >> jimmy: seal him in a room? >> well, no. i built a panic room in my house. >> jimmy: why, just to panic in? >> really to just, sometimes you need a quiet place to masturbate, be honest. the chances of gang bangers breaking into my house is way less than 1% of the chances that daddy needs a little quiet time. and -- >> jimmy: i will definitely get you that towel. >> yeah. so -- my glasses fogging up? >> they are. >> jimmy: the towel again. unbelievable. >> that's why i've got the towel. >> jimmy: by the way, we met, 1994. >> 1994. >> jimmy: you were hosting a show on public access television. you would help people with their construction projects. you know how to do this stuff? you were a woodworker. contractor. >> yes. yes. >> jimmy: footings, crazy stuff. we have a video from that. now this is when we first met was on the radio, krock in l.a. adam was training me to box for a boxing stunt that we had. so, i had about three weeks to train jimmy. >> mainly just to train him into falling in love with this fellow right here. >> jimmy: very little boxing went on. >> i love talking about me. you love drinking snapple. it was a match made in heaven. in terms of not training. >> jimmy: right, right, right. right. it wasn't exactly rocky. no. >> right, right. so all i had was this tape. so, after about three weeks, jimmy said, what have you got? i said i have a tape from a public access station, eagle rock, 1993. i brought it to jimmy's rented house in northridge, california. i made him watch it. in front of me. which was uncomfortable. >> jimmy: we sat down. watched it. my god what is this going to be. we have a clip from the tape. >> lot's find out. >> this is adam carolla, 1993. >> of live on the air on the house. give me your home improvement question, home fix it question. love to answer it for you. live you are on the air. >> yeah, how do you masturbate with the monkey? >> on the air, live, who is this? >> live, on the air. >> aren't you a wannabe, tim allen. >> put linoleum on top of that? >> do you look to put that on your penis? >> jimmy: did you ever get any real questions from the people that would call up? >> i had questions like, why don't you kill your snefl i don't know that's a question, per se. more of a statement, although, done in the form of a question. a. >> jimmy: to snow people you know what you were talking about. thought it would be interesting. we asked some people who have real home improvement questions. that sort of thing. don't know what the questions are. you don't know what the questions are. i know we have some people in the audience. who is first here. what's your name? >> jim. >> jimmy: where you from? >> pennsylvania. >> jimmy: do you have something you could use adam's help with? >> yeah, i need to replace -- >> you know who you look like? when they do those like weird snl sketches where eddie murphy has how to go undercover as a white guy. that's what you look like. let me see a little belly. don't drop your pants. let me just see what color is lurking underneath that shirt. pull it up a little bit. i want to move forward. first we have to verify. >> he has a protective t-shirt on there. >> exactly what i would wear if i was impersonating a white man. continue. >> jimmy: what is your question? >> oh. i need to replace the caulking around my bathtub. wondering what the best way would be to remove the old caulking? >> really good question. >> jimmy: caulking is something everyone can do. not many people understand. >> right. and i -- as a courtesy was calling it caulking my entire career. but caulking, it its. comes in black now too, by the way. i feel you, brother. hey, heat gun is a good thing. does your wife have a hair dryer? >> yes. >> use her hair dryer? don't have a heat gun? >> no. >> use the hair dryer. heat it up. and get like a utility knife. cut it out. like a box cutter, razor, whatever. they have things for taking out caulking, use the heat gun. that will loosen up. get rid of it. clean it with acetone, or, or, paint thin tner or denatured alcohol. make sure it is really clean. then put down your next base. got to be not just painter's caulk, but siliconized caulk, 100% siliconized be good. rub your finger in it. wipe it off. each time you are done. >> jimmy: you can eat it too, don't know if people realize that. >> how does it taste? >> it is good. pan paint chips are better with extra lead in them. caulk is good too if you are on a diet. >> jimmy: does that answer your question? >> thank you. >> there you go. that's the kind of thing. >> this is the kind of thing you are going to see tomorrow night when adam sandler is sealed into a panic room on adam carolla and friends build stuff live, tuesday night, 10:00, adam carolla, everybody. we will be right back. is your chance ♪ ♪ to do the hump. humpty dumpty: the what? turbotax agent: hello mr. dumpty, do you have a tax question? humpty dumpty: have you ever heard of the humpty dance? turbotax agent: everybody knows that. humpty dumpty: well, i'm about to sue these guys. will i get to write off my legal fees? turbotax agent: certain legal fees are tax deductible. ♪ come on, do the humpty hump. ♪ ♪ do the humpty hump. humpty dumpty: it is kinda catchy. ♪ so just let me introduce myself. ♪ ♪ my name is humpty. when you're close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment? if you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. with taltz, up to 90% of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. in fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. do not use if you are allergic to taltz. before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms. or if you have received a vaccine or plan to. inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz. including worsening of symptoms. serious allergic reactions can occur. now's your chance at completely clear skin. just ask your doctor about taltz. because when it comes to great tasting water... now's your chance at completely clear skin. ♪ fill quickly and pour immediately, for great tasting water... fast. new brita stream. [ sighs ] hey, i was using that. what, you think we own stock in the electric company? i will turn this car around right now! there's nobody back there. i was becoming my father. [ clears throat ] it's...been an adjustment, but we're making it work. you know, progressive.com makes it easy for us to get the right home insurance. [ snoring ] progressive can't protect you from becoming your parents, but we can protect your home and auto. [ chuckles ] all right. where the feeling, craftsmanship and luxury will last. but the offers...will not. experience uncommon refinement our most luxurious models ever, including the lx, ls and es during the lexus command performance sales event. but don't hesitate. this event ends march 31st. get up to $2,500 customer cash on select 2017 models for these terms. experience amazing at your lexus dealer. one of the first things we irishwas our beer.merica back then the largest brewery in the world was in dublin. and it's biggest beer was black. today there are nearly six and a half million irish in ireland and over 30 million irish-americans in the u.s. so we thought it was time to brew an irish-american beer. guinness blonde american lager irish born, american brewed. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back, to the show, yara shahidi and music from ice-t.i. is on the way, but first, there's a new animated movie coming out that i'm particularly excited about because i'm in it. it's dreamworks' "the boss baby", and stars alec baldwin as a very mature baby. and to give you a taste of the fun, you will have, we put alec's voice in a baby to prank some unsuspecting passers-by. festing -- testing, one, two, three, four. my name is baby. >> hey, there, kid. >> hi. >> listen up. i got $10 in my pocket if you can fetch me a decent cup of coffee. >> coffee? >> yes, i like coffee. >> water is for dogs. i'm a baby. >> he wants coffee. >> i need caffeine. >> daddy! >> you think you can give him a little. >> yum, yum, yum, yum. >> enough! it's a choking hazard. >> i'm sorry. >> you should be. you will be hearing from my lawyer. >> don't listen to him. he needs a nap. >> thank you. >> go buy some more denim. >> hello. >> hi. >> do you know where i can find a decent sushi place around here? >> on wilshire. >> okay, only one of the longest citistreets in city. >> we're new. >> i will wander, wilshire in my stroller. start at the ocean. straight downtown. you morons! >> mom, i feel a little pressure downstairs. >> all right, let me get a change of diaper. >> oh! whoa! >> oh, my gosh. that was something else. >> i am so, so, so embarrassed. >> that was a lot. >> sayonara. >> "the boss baby" in theaters, march 31. we'll be right back with yara shahidi. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ days weeding through w2s, pay stubs and bank statements to refinance your home. or you could push that button. [dong] [rocket launching] skip the bank, skip the paperwork, and go completely online. securely share your financial info and confidently get an accurate mortgage solution in minutes. lift the burden of getting a home loan with rocket mortgage by quicken loans. [whisper: rocket] how do you become america's best-selling brand? you make it detect what they don't. stop, stop, stop! sorry. you make it sense what's coming. watch, watch, watch! mom. relax! i'm relaxed. you make it for 16-year olds... whoa-whoa-whoa!!! and the parents who worry about them. you saw him, right? going further to help make drivers, better drivers. don't freak out on me. that's ford. and that's how you become america's best-selling brand. it's an italianankie, hero from subway. got there? that's a lotta meat on that sandwich! a real lot. you did good, frankie. introducing the subway italian hero. it's stacked with our better italian flavor, for a better subway. hey allergy muddlers are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool? try zyrtec® zyrtec® starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. stick with zyrtec®. muddle no more®. try rhinocort® allergy spray for powerful nasal allergy relief. ♪ it takes two to make a thit outta sight ♪ ♪ it takes two to make a thing go right ♪ ♪ it takes two to make it outta sight ♪ ♪ hit it! i wanna rock right now ♪ ♪ i'm lil yachty and i'm down if you're down ♪ ♪ i'm not the most lyrical kid known ♪ ♪ but i'm known to keep the party goin' ♪ ♪ 'cause my team the livest ♪ brightest and flyest ♪ king of the teens, i speak to all ages ♪ ♪ we in sync while goin' thru all phases ♪ ♪ positivity it's what made us famous, well... ♪ ♪ so much endurance i shoulda' ran track ♪ ♪ song so good, promise i'll get a plaque ♪ ♪ 'cause it takes two to carry all the big things ♪ ♪ it takes two to end up with a shiny ring ♪ ♪ now look what you made me do ♪ ♪ you and me baby it takes two ♪ ♪ bringing new moves to the old school ♪ ♪ 1, 2, 3 get loose now! ♪ it takes two to make a thing go right ♪ ♪ it takes two to make it outta sight ♪ starting at $12.99, at olive garden. come for an irresistible meal here, and leave with a great meal too. so you can enjoy family time one more time. buy one take one, only for a limited time. at olive garden. >> jimmy: music to come from iced ti. >> jimmy: our next guest learned that the secret to playing a teenager on tv is being one in real life. she plays zoey johnson on "black-ish" wednesday nights here on abc. please welcome yara shahidi. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> you know what you are dressed like the first day of spring. exactly what you wear on first day of spring. >> exciting first day of spring. first day of persian new year. i'm half iranian. the best day ever. >> jimmy: what is the name of the holiday? >> nowrooz. one way. >> jimmy: what happens on nowrooz? a mattress sale? >> no. persian new year. so it is like a continuation of a celebration of life, and spring and health, and getting ready to, i guess take on the next year. starts with like really amazing precelebrations. one is jahar bin shahi, you jump over fire. >> jimmy: really? what kind of fire? >> mini-bonfires. >> jimmy: how old when you start jumping over it, toddlers jumping over fire? >> this is how i describe it. there is no age restraint. really dependent if you have ups or not. if you can't jump very high, then you better like, i jump next to the fire sometimes. >> jimmy: okay. yeah. >> once you got to a place you are comfortable jumping over the fire then you do the full jump. >> jimmy: do the fires -- bigger as you become more accomplished as far as this goes? ceremonial. >> for the most part, like one level of fire. >> jimmy: all right. sounds like fun. is it fun? stay up late? ring in the new year? >> yeah, haji farooz brings you gifts. >> jimmy: are you making is up as a prank? oh, she told him, we jump over fire. >> no. >> jimmy: the idiot believed it. >> all a ploy. no, actually, iranians have it down pat when it comes to celebrate. just a fantastic 13-day celebration. you get gifts. celebrate with family. you have fantastic food. like a really cool unifying moment. actually, a challenge going on in what you are suppose to encourage some body noniranian to say "happy new year." >> jimmy: nowrooz al berak. that was some challenge. will you win something now? what will happen? >> pride. >> pride is good. and by the way, congratulations. i know you are about to graduate high school, right? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: did you go to a real high school? >> yeah. and i am actually at the dwight school, based in new york. >> jimmy: okay. now you are going to go to college? >> yes. >> jimmy: do youstudy. >> sociology, african-american studies. >> jimmy: applying for college on snapchat or however they do it now? >> it is all online. actually really interesting. helps you procrastinate. everything was due over christmas break. and so, one of my applications was due at 11:59 p.m. i turned it at 11:58 p.m. >> jimmy: do they notice you got it in before the deadline. i would be looking at that if i was them? >> i hope not. >> jimmy: yeah, they probably do. i heard you got a letter of recommendation from the first lady, michelle obama. >> i did. >> jimmy: how did you get that? >> hard work. i mean, it has been nice to be involved in her learning initiative. >> jimmy: how embarrassing if you don't get in after you have a letter -- >> i have got to tell you, i have a really cool letter from my ap-calc teacher. i want to brag. my ap-calc teacher wrote me a letter. not easy. prescription h >> jimmy: how does that work? does your teacher decide who, she will write a letter for? >> a process. you have to do will all year. >> jimmy: teacher's name? >> miss lee. >> jimmy: how many people did she write letters for? >> i don't know. just focus on the fact she wrote a letter for me. >> jimmy: i see, possible she wrote letters for everyone? >> i try not to think about that. >> jimmy: you are again focusing on the potz tisitive. >> yes. >> jimmy: your character on "blackish" is about to go to college as well. works out nicely. what happens if you do go to college? then are you not on the show anymore? >> you are talking about real life. it gets really confusing. g >> jimmy: no to me, real life is television. >> okay. then in both situations, yara/zoe will explore a new environment. i'm the same age as my character. we are going through this together. so, like we get to explore new side of zoe. >> jimmy: what if your character gets into a better college than you do? will there be a confrontation, jealousy? >> i think there has to be an episode who address it where yara comes back to talk to zoe about it. >> jimmy: possible they will have another spin-off show in which you will be in college? >> up to the abc people. >> jimmy: i see. >> there has been a discussion about having that conversation about what it is like to be a teenager in college given the current political, socio, economic state of our country. >> jimmy: right. i will fell you what it is like. they're mostly all drunk. it's really still, it's pretty much the same as it always was. it is people with a whole pitcher of beer drinking it and throwing up. >> i don't think they will show that on primetime tv. >> jimmy: maybe they might. you could bring that to america. >> my minirevolution. >> jimmy: congratulations to you. good to see you. the show is "blackish" every wednesday night, at 9:30. here on abc. yara shahshah everyone! we'll be back with music from ice-ti. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> announcer: next, a special "nightline" takes you inside today's house intelligence committee hearing. what we know now about russia and president trump's wiretapping allegations. pl ♪ ♪ it's spring, and we can't wait to open our sheds and get working on our yards. scotts and miracle-gro are here to help. we make it easy to grow thick, healthy lawns, spectacular plants, and bountiful flowers. because when spring starts right, the months that follow stay perfect. load up your shed with scotts and miracle-gro. it's time to get outside. ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: i'd like to thank my guests and apologize to matt damon we ran out of time. nightline is next but first, it's mash-up monday. here with the songs "o.g. original gangster" and "bring em out" -- ice- t.i.! ♪ yeah, uh ♪ yeah yo ti is an original gangster la original gangster all the homies original gangsters yo ti mash this ♪ ♪ up for me real quick you don't mind if i do my thing do you do your thing ♪ the vip heard the night life lost life when i leave both the feds and the state wanna see my need the ♪ ♪ whole city got bizzerk he got treat anotha rapper got a hit but shawty he not me who set the city on ♪ ♪ fire as soon as he got freed da king back now don't even know how to act ♪ push a button to let the roof on the 'lac down make plays do my mack down mississippi to philly ♪ ♪ albuquerque to chatt town og taught me never never back down yeah yeah yeah 4, 3, 2, 1 ♪ ♪ why he's original gangster original gangster o g original gangster o g original gangster hey ♪ ♪ make some noise o g original gangster o g original gangster hey bro let me get some ♪ bring 'em out bring 'em out bring 'em out - bring 'em out okay, hey, hey ♪ ten years ago - i used to ♪ ♪ listen to rappers flow talkin' bout the way they rocked the mic at the disco i liked how that was ♪ ♪ goin' down dreamt about rep the mic with my own sound so i tried to write rhymes somethin' like them my ♪ ♪ boys said that ain't you ice that sounds like him so i sat back thought up a new track didn't fantasize ♪ ♪ kicked the pure fact all the suckers got scared cause they was unprepared who would tell it how it relly was ♪ ♪ who dared a young player from the west coast l.a. south central fool where the crips and the bloods play ♪ ♪ when i wrote about parties it didn't fit six in the mornin' that was the real bring it back ice ♪ o g original gangster o g original gangster o g original gangster ♪ ♪ o g original gangster 4, 3, 2, 1 when i wrote about parties someone always died when i ♪ ♪ tried to write happy yo i knew i lied cuz i lived a life of crime why play ya blind a simple look and ♪ ♪ anyone with two cents would know i'm a hardcore player from the streets rappin' bout hardcore ♪ ♪ topics over hardcore drum beats a little different than the average though jet you thru the fast lane drop ya ♪ ♪ on death row 'cause anybody who's been there knows that life ain't so lovely on the blood-soaked ♪ ♪ fast track that invincible don't work throw ya in a joint you'll be comin' out feet first so i blast the ♪ ♪ mic with my style sometimes i'm ill the other times buck wild but the science is always there ♪ ♪ i'd be a true sucker if i acted like i didn't care i rap for brothers just like myself dazed by the ♪ ♪ game in a quest for extreme wealth but i kick it to you hard and real one wrong move and you ♪ ♪ caps peeled - 4, 3, 2, 1 bring 'em out bring 'em out bring 'em out bring 'em out bring 'em out bring 'em ♪ ♪ out bring 'em out bring 'em out - 4, 3, 2, 1 once again what other rap rapper hooder than this ♪ ♪ i got rich and i'm still on some hoolagin you be rappin bout blow i was movin' the you talkin bout ♪ ♪ shootin' out and i was doin the if i hit you in the face you gon be suin and and if i catch anotha case ♪ ♪ i know i'm true to be missed so i'ma keep it cool head stay out of the news headlines and shows other ♪ ♪ rappers it's bedtime it's clear to see that i'm ahead of my time i copped a chromed out hard top top to shine ♪ ♪ i got some time it ain't cause i get better wit time who got a flow and a live show better than mine ♪ i got packed house yellin' bring 'em out bring 'em out aye all my hot girls ♪ ♪ yellin' bring 'em out bring 'em out aye all the og yellin' bring 'em out ♪ ♪ bring 'em out aye from the back they yellin' bring 'em out bring 'em out this is a special edition of "nightline," the russia investigation. tonight, fbi director james comey's extraordinary revelations confirming an ongoing investigation into the trump campaign's alleged russian ties. >> this will also include an assessment of any crimes were committed. >> denying any evidence that president obama wire tapped trump tower. >> i have no information that supports those tweets. >> all the president's men diverting attention to intelligence lieakers. will this dramatic showdown hurt america's standing on the world stage. where do we go from here? >> investigating and having proof are two different things. >> this special edition of "nightline" will be right back.

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