Me. Minus the sweet. Its a bitter night for me, really. Earlier this evening, you may have seen though you probably didnt the Vice President ial debate between tim kaine and mike pence, two mildmannered and wellgroomed men selected by Hillary Clinton and donald trump to make you hate them less. [ laughter ] and what a matchup it was. Like watching a glass of whole milk do battle with a jar of lowcalorie mayonnaise. [ laughter ] mike pence, he looks like the kind of guy who gets his hair cut twice a week. Tim kaine, think about this, what if Hillary Clinton wins and something happens to her . We would be just a heartbeat away from having a president tim. Would that even be allowed . Anyway. It felt a little weird to have the Vice President ial debate after the president its like ending a meal with a garden salad. Its unsatisfying. And of course on top of that, the debate this debate was completely illegitimate because it didnt include all the Vice President ial candidates. Didnt include the libertarian candidate bill weld, Green Party Candidate barack, and most glaringly it did not include the lets party party candidate, me. [ cheers and applause ] even though im still polling at 100 . You know, thats okay. Truth is i didnt want to bother with a partial debate because i invited governor pence and senator kaine to meet me here in hollywood for a full official Vice President ial debate. And lets begin it now abc news presents, decision 2016. The Vice President ial debate. Governor mike pence. Senator tim kaine. And Neighborhood Watch leader jimmy kimmel. Please welcome the moderator of tonights debate, guillermo. Guillermo thank you. Welcome to the Vice President debate. Im going to ask the guys some questions and then theyre going to answer for me. First, welcome to the republican candidate, the governor of indiana. Mike pence and welcome the democratic candidate, virginia senator tim kaine and welcome the independence candidate from los angeles lakers, number 48, jimmy kimmel [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you. Guillermo i ask the audience, no applause until the end or they will be arrested. First question. For governor mike pence. You have 30 seconds to answer. Governor mike pence, why does taxes . Jimmy excuse me guillermo shh, dont interrupt. He had 30 seconds. Jimmy okay, but guillermo shh jimmy hes not here, so nobody here guillermo shh jimmy we still have guillermo shh jimmy so we have to guillermo shh jimmy can i guillermo shh [ bell rings ] jimmy i can talk now . Guillermo no. My next question is for senator tim kaine. Do you think education is for isis . Jimmy is the clock going . Guillermo its not your question. Jimmy im sorry, i didnt know, i didnt understand guillermo shh. Its not your question. Jimmy but guillermo shh. Jimmy i dont think he can hear guillermo shh, shh, shh. Jimmy should i be quiet . Guillermo yes, please. Jimmy a long guillermo shh jimmy ill just wait till the time guillermo shh [ bell rings ] guillermo your time is up. My next question is for jimmy kimmel. Jimmy kimmel, is immigration for everywhere . Jimmy can you repeat the question, please . Guillermo yes. My next question is for jimmy kimmel. Jimmy kimmel, is immigration for everywhere . Jimmy is immigration for everywhere . Okay. Yeah, i would say that i think, yes, immigration is for everywhere. Guillermo you are correct, you win the debate, yay [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, oh, thank you oh my goodness. Wow. Thank you so much. I won . Guillermo you won jimmy i won, thank you so exciting. I have to say, i didnt know they worked like this, i really didnt. Since im wearing a this is a tia tiara . What this is . Since im wearing this thing on my head, it seems like a good time to give you an update on dancing with the stars. You know, it was elimination night for two unfortunate dancers tonight. Tonight baby face and vanilla ice got the bedazzled would the on dancing with the stars. I told you he made a mistake doing ice ice baby the first week, he should have held that back, that should have been a week four presentation. The good news for vanilla ice and baby face, they hit it off, decided to form a musical duo called vanilla face. [ laughter ] so you guys will just be there for the rest of the thing . Guillermo thats right. Jimmy all righght. Id take this off but im worried it will pull my whole wig off. Forbes magazine today unveiled have you seen the annual list of the 400 richest americans . Once again, the top spot goes to bill gates. He has 81 billion. Bill gates has been the richest man in america for 23 years. He has been the richest man in america since the premiere of the xfiles, since Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears were in the mickey mouse club. He has the richest man in america since htown topped the charts with knocking the boots. Donald trump is going to be mad. He ranked all the way down the list at number 156. With a net worth of only 3. 7 billion. The good news is sales of the new camouflage colored make America Great again hats are booming. So the cofounders of google came in at ninth and tenth on the forbes 400. Google had a big event in san francisco, unveiled a new phone, this phone comes with a variety of options youve never even imagined before. Pixel is available in three colors. Scriptively named, quite black. Very silver. And a limited edition really blue. Jimmy oh, wow, snap that one up quick. Its really blue. The names of those colors, really blue. But google also debuted a new Virtual Reality headset called the daydream view, which that is good its about time people put their phones down for a second and get out and enjoy Virtual Reality for a change. [ laughter ] the new Google Daydream does look like a lot of fun. This is the daydream. We couldnt be more excited about it. Put it on your head and adjust. Its very comfortable. If you look behind me, youll get just a taste of how truly immersive and amazing the 3d is. Oh jimmy wow. You have to be careful, you really do. [ cheers and applause ] maybe we should have one Virtual Reality where Hillary Clinton is president , and one with donald trump where hes president , and then one the rest of us can live in. That would be nice, right . [ laughter ] donald trump was in denver today [ cheers and applause ] hes still talking. In denver, he weighed in on one possible topic of conversation for president ial debate number two on sunday night. Theres been talk you might discuss bill clintons infidelities and in particular Hillary Clintons response to those. Will you . Well, ive heard that, and everybodys hearing it but me. You know, i hope not, to be honest with you. I like to talk policy. I think policys much more important. So i hope i dont discuss that. Jimmy what . [ laughter ] what do you mean you hope . It comes out of your mouth. Its not like shes going to bring it up. You know, ill discuss it with myself and see what i have to say. Hillary clinton was in toledo yesterday where she touted a recent endorsement from lebron james with one of her classic zingers. I could not be prouder to have lebron joining our team as we head into the home stretch. Now one thing i know, ill just say it. Because i know its for sure. I hope to be elected president , but i know here in ohio, a lebron will always be the king. [ laughter ] jimmy no one delivers a line like Hillary Clinton. The way she set that up and closed the deal, calling lebron the king, you cant spell hilarious without hillary and thats why. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] donald trump goes a mile a minute. Sometimes you want to savor his words which is why from time to time we like to slow him down to half speed. We did just that for tonights edition of drunk donald trump. [ tape playing very slowly ] how stupid are we. The world is laughing. Anyway. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy during the first debate with Hillary Clinton, trump was sniffling a lot. Some people insinuated he might be using cocaine, which seems very up likely, but also seems like a good excuse to, instead of slowing him down, to speed him up for our firstever look at cokedup trump. [ tape playing very fast ] we cant beat isis they wouldnt know what youre talking about one thing we can do we can go on television to announce we soon were going after mosul did you see that why do you have to talk you do it you do it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we have to take a break. When we come back from the break we did something interesting, we went the street, asked people who do you think won the first lady debate, bill clinton or Melania Trump . Wouldnt you know it, a lot of people weighed in on that, in new installment of lie witness news. We will be right back with that. [ cheers and applause ] [diggy by spencer ludwig] are my teeth yellow . Have you tried the tissue test . Ugh yellow. What do you use . Crest whitestrps. Crest 3d whitestrips whiten 25 times better than a leading whitening toothpaste i passed the tissue test. Oh yeah. Crest whitestrips are the way to whiten. What bad back . Gels work so fast youll ask what pulled hammy . Advil liqui gels make pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain . Advil. One smart choice leads to the next. The new 2017 ford fusion is here. Its the beauty of a wellmade choice. Welcome back. Billy bob thornton, kristin chenoweth, ryan donahue on the way. Some potentially scandalous information could be hitting the internet. Julian assange, the guy behind wikileaks, says theyre planning to release what he calls significant information related to the election. The last time they released election material it was all the emails that were hacked from the dnc. Now he says theyre planning to put out new material every week for the next ten weeks. I dont know why they would i dont know what theyre waiting for. Julian assange, he loves to tell us hes about to tell us something. [ laughter ] i bet he was a sneaky little tattletale growing up. This is julian assange, interesting look, he looks like your aunt whos always talking about tennis. [ laughter ] he looked like a yoga teacher who tries to sell you on the power of crystals. He looks like your mothers annoying friend from weight watchers. I have a couple more. [ laughter ] he looks like the woman outside whole foods trying to get you to sign a petition for amnesty international. [ applause ] ill stop there. As you know, tonight was the Vice President ial debate. It was on all the Major Networks and cable news channels. Why, i dont know. To me, one channel seemed sufficient. These debates are important and with that comes pressure to appear to be informed. This afternoon we went out on the street, we asked people what they thought of the first lady debate between Melania Trump and bill clinton. Obviously there was no first lady debate, although it would be pretty great if there was. Theres never been a first lady debate and bill clinton is not a lady. But if you think that stopped people giving their opinions of it, guess again. Heres the first lady debate edition of lie witness news. How do you think Melania Trump did during the first lady debate last night . Well i think for her first time under the circumstances, you know, she did okay as far as presentation. But as far as the topics are concerned, again, i dont think she was smooth enough. With presenting them. Where were you when you saw it last night . At home. Who were you with . There were a few people. We kind of laughed. How do you think melania seemed . Underprepared . A little bit. Just a little bit. She wasnt she wasnt as informed as like everybody else. Bill clintons been in the office so many times, so he knows how to prepare, presentation, everything. How do you think bill clinton did sitting in that hot seat as the first man in that job . Bill is one of the best speakers of alltime. He knocked it out of the park like hes done his entire career. Uhhuh. Do you think he held his own against melania . Yeah. Thats an understatement i would say. Who do you think won the debate last night, bill or melania . I think i think bill did. Who do you think won the first lady debate last night . Well first man. Bill, of course. Because hes a cordial gentleman, he goes out of his way. I just believe melania probably major rised and didnt know what she was. Did you notice any points it seemed melania was plagiarizing Michelle Obamas performance during her first lady debate this. Honestly im not 100 on the particulars. I more follow the format. What do you think melania meant during bat debate last night when she said, my job is to stand by my husband, my amaze husband barack, and my daughter, sasha and malia. Do you think that was accidental plagiari plagiarism . I think it was accidental majorism but shes a foreign lady, she needs to still learn more of our language. What was going through your bind when you heard that . I was literally like unease, then i kind of understood her point of view. How do you think lester holts wife leslie did as the moderator . I thought she did a fine job like lester did the week before. Its hard, especially with lester, its hard to control trump. And their campaign. But she did a good job, i thought. What did you think of melanias outfit last night . I just thought that it was kind of provocative for a first lady. What were the people around you saying during the debate last night . My sister and i just listened to basically the radio, a. M. Radio. Who do you think had the better recipe for oatmeal cookies during the first lady debate . Bills sounded pretty good to i me. What was your favorite part of the debate . Its a debate, you cant have a favorite part. Bills being himself, it made it enjoyable. He didnt fake it. He was himself. Just like you . Of course. Youd never fake it . Never. Even though this whole thing is made up . [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we have a good show tonight. Ryan donahue is here, Kristen Chenoweth, and be right back with Billy Bob Thornton [ cheers and applause ] dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live brought to you by hulu. Narrator it wasnt that long ago. Years of devastating cutbacks to our schools. 30,000 teachers laid off. Class sizes increased. Art and music programs cut. We cant ever go back. Ryan ruelas so vote yes on proposition 55. Reagan duncan prop 55 prevents 4 billion in new cuts to our schools. Letty munozgonzalez simply by maintaining the current tax rate on the wealthiest californians. Ryan ruelas no new education cuts, and no new taxes. Reagan duncan vote yes on 55. Sarah morgan to help our children thrive. Reagan duncan vote yes on 55. Hey guys. I called you all in because i just had an idea. Brunch. Allday, every day. Brunch . Thats great whered you get that idea . Well. Sweetie . You know what were craving right now . Crispy chicken, and fried egg, with bacon. Like brunch. Brunch . But its 8pm and its tuesday. Huh, i wonder if my mother would like to stay with us. Should we get started . Who wants coffee . Introducing my new brunchfast menu. With tasty options like my brunch burger and a crispy bacon and egg chicken sandwich. Served all day, every day. Only at jack in the box. Jimmy tonight on the program, a talented actress and singer too, this is her latest album, its called the art of elegance. Kristin chenoweth is here. Then, a very funny gentleman, a comedian, his name is ryan donahue, hell share jokes. See him live at the comedy connection in providence on october 13th. Tomorrow night, Zach Galifianakis and idina menzel will be with us. And thursday, Martin Lawrence and gary clark jr. Join us then. Our first guest is a multitalented and multitattooed oscarwinning person who drops the bob to play a guy named billy in the new drama goliath. Youre going to indiana, honey. You know who went there . Besides the obvious . Ernie pyle, hoagie carmichael who else . Bobby knight. I could go on and on i know you could. Joe butt. Jane pauley went to indiana. She did okay. Whered you go to school . I went to northwestern. Northwestern . What the [ bleep ] are you doing here . Didnt work out. I guess. Jimmy goliath premieres october 14th on amazon. Please say hello to Billy Bob Thornton [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thanks for coming. By the way thanks for having me. Jimmy the show is really good. I watched it and i thought, oh, in a way its a burden for me because there are now too many good shows for me to keep up with. And i watch it, there we go, i have another one on my schedule. Excellent. Jimmy damn you, billy bob. Ive got a really crummy one coming out next year. [ laughter ] jimmy good, im looking forward to that. How are you doing . Im good. Jimmy is this the first time youve played a billy in a movie . Or a tv show i guess. Or anything. I guess so. I think it is. Its in my contract now. Jimmy is it now . Yeah. From now on i have to be billy in everything. [ laughter ] jimmy it makes it less confusing. It does. Jimmy im distracted by a big piece of confetti hanging behind us. As if its going to attack you or Something Like that. Sorry, im not very professional. You know, this show, ill explain it briefly, you play a lawyer who works out of a hotel room in santa monica, who drinks an awful lot. Right. Jimmy youre doing the show in california. You live here in california. The last show i think, the last show i saw you in was fargo. [ cheers and applause ] that was one of the best tv shows ever made. You were so great in that show. Are you happy to be home in l. A. And able to drive to work every day . Its pretty amazing. As a matter of fact, we shot in santa monica and convenient necessarily quite a bit. Down there. I live like seven minutes from there. Jimmy you shot in that clip we saw, shea jay, which is a tiny little dive bar there in santa monica. Yeah, been there a long time. Jimmy did you take over the whole bar to shoot it . Well, we shot all the exteriors there and the motel and e