[laughter] check out the chicken littles. Im scared at this point. If you were worried tonight, you should be. A political earthquake is rolling to washington that the administration sinks further into chaos. Got an email earlier this evening saying this makes me nervous. Tell me something that will make me call and i said i dont think i can. Today, scary day . Today has been a cascade of what will be generally seen as absolutely apocalyptic news. America is less safe this morning. This is the first time ive been frightened for the country. Greg its like there freebasing fear. If there crack cocaine. Its the first time ive been frightened in two years since michael moore. Clearly, he is not checked his cholesterol. [laughter] what if cnn . Their next up will reporting the news from underneath their desks. I dont remember this reaction when obama went through three secretary of defense, each with shorter runs. Heres a thought. Could it be mattis to the job trump asked him to do it now its done wanted a new guy to do a new thing . Mattis kind of set that thing in his letter he said that under trump mattis says the Defense Department improves our forces ready and it boost capabilities and global influence. Guess the press missed that. Even more, the script has flipped. Lefties praising trump over syria and righties screaming their blood he had off. This is what happens when the president with the vision untethered to ideology. The house passed a bill to fund the wall which upsets one side. Trump was out of the syria which is off the other end passes, justice for which knows i can do before it seems like the alarm is more emotional than factual and about trump not the actions themselves. Should you be worried the trump wants to leave syria . Consider who trump is. He wanted to kill terrorists. And their families. Yes, their families. Thats going the extra mile. [laughter] i think it would be out of character for him to put america in harms way. I wonder what mike pence thanks . Thank you very much. I appreciate the opportunity. Did i leave the oven on . I would never do that. Im mike pence. Mike pence does not leave the oven on. That would be a Good Campaign slogan. I dont leave the oven on. [inaudible conversations] [inaudible conversations] [inaudible conversations] greg it really is alarming how alarming everything is. How did this happen . Its the new business model. Used to be a network devoted to Livestock Auctions and now there are Cable Networks devoted to hysteria. Ive heard the pull of our time working at cnn and msnbc do to the smell of burning hair. Trump is right. He is the product and because trumps got stepped on the media focuses on what he is not done yet. For two years he rewrote nafta, past tax cuts, regulated a madman, created record unemployment and Median Household Income and Wage Compensation jumped and 4 Million People leftparenthesis sams and investments returned to america but what about the staff changes . Please, thats shouting at center after he bought you a car but forgot the air freshener. [laughter] look at prison reform. Big humanitarian story the press largely ignored because it was trump. Then there is gun control. Trump mandelbaum stocks and remember when the media was screaming for that but hardly a peep. Right, mike pence . [inaudible conversations] [inaudible conversations] [inaudible conversations] [inaudible conversations] greg so, as we head into christmas week we have president s again presents from santa but this is a peaceful and prosperous time but the problem with good times is the allow for idle mind. The obsessive are crap like porn stars in real estate the stuff you cant do in times of actual hardship but when things are good at heart on the media when there is a model is so very bad. They find the problem it wants and finds sources to support it. Meanwhile, the world rose merrily along at least for now. Right, mike pence . President trump to speak on behalf of the American People [inaudible conversations] [inaudible conversations] [inaudible conversations] [applause] greg lets welcome tonights guests. [applause] in a couple of days to answer. Asking her to make toys. My cohost on the five an acre of the daily briefing, dana. [cheering and applause] hes my second favorite adam after that naked dude in the bible. [cheering and applause] her favorite Christmas Movie is old yeller. National review reporter kat timpf. [cheering and applause] he flosses with power lines. Former wwe superstar and my massive sidekick, tyrus. [cheering and applause] all right. Dana, you know what it is . Im watching the news and i do get upset and concerned about what is going on but then i realized as it gets them top i feel like im watching a craft fun house mirror and all my concerns go away. I can take it fiercely because these people have lost it. There may be a concern there but then i dont believe it anymore. One think thats a good mantra not true under obama bu but how has your daytoday life changed . If you have anxiety about any sort of thing happening in leadership is watching too Much Television ask yourself how is my daytoday life changed . Maybe its better but is there really something that is bothering you . Probably not. Greg or whatever bothering you you cant talk about. Also, i hate green lifesavers too. They are terrible. Greg what is that limes was to be . Is supposed to be line but its not. Greg it should be. Judge jeanine . Kat green apple. She has no idea. Greg yeah, you were born in 1990. Adam, let me ask you about this hysteria. Has it got worse . I would say i knew people pretty hysterical about obama. We remember that but it seems like its gone off the rails connected gone off the rails that they ask don lemon on their end he suddenly said hes been sad every day for two years but its like cnn is on repeat. They could literally show that same tape every day as trump. Its the same reaction from all of them. Greg i was a cnn is the boy who cried wolf but it may be the one who cried wolf. That was really bad. They have wolf blitzer there. That was a courtesy laugh. No, that was real. Greg i know when it is not real. I would never do that to you. Greg all right, cap . Your thoughts about the media and life in general . Kat honestly this is my favorite trump week ever. Were pulling out of syria. Awesome. Maybe pulling out troops and afghanistan and criminal Justice Reform. Awesome. I saw democrats criticizing the first step back saying it does not go far enough. I dont think it goes part of either but doesnt mean you fully support anyway. Like when you order a sandwich and you ask for tomato on this image and then they deliver it and there is no tomato. You still eat the sandwich. Greg true. Kat is still a sandwich. I need to go talk to democrats in congress and tell them about my sandwich method. Greg im still confident theres no tomato i still call. Kat i deftly complain but you still eat the sandwich. See what im doing there . Greg i eat the same and then complained that i dont pay for the sandwich and then i get a free statement. Sometimes i order something i dont they will forget it is that terrible . Tyrus thats wrong. By the way, the hell with all of you. I love the green. If they had a back of the green lifesavers id be a happy, chunky dude. Greg there is a jolly green giant. Tyrus watcher giant talk, brother. [laughter] you dont have to ask me a question because ive been thinking about this. Ive learned a lot this week and donovan gets a bad rap on the show but hes taught me something. Greg what . Tyrus hes taught me that [inaudible] i can do that to anyone and make them uncomfortable. [laughter] nice pants. [laughter] back to you. I love it. I love the pause. Greg no one likes putting on tv. Tyrus because you dont have to and the pause. When you made that bad wolf joke you do not know it ended so you try to talk about it. [laughter] and then he tried to make it about me. [laughter] tyrus weve all been there. You think the family is with you when you Say Something about your uncle and then everyones like what . So i got cancer. Thats the only way out. Greg i did try to put it on dana. Tyrus you did. We have the footage. Greg we are editing that allout. Tyrus there are 100 witnesses here. Greg i will tease because we had something so good coming up, so good its going to blow your mind across the floor in your brain will sputter and will have to get someone to clean it up. But before we go to brake, gutfeld monologues live is coming to florida, not one but two shows. March 2 in tampa, march 3 in west palm beach. Special guest, tom solu. Tickets are on sale and make the perfect christmas present. Go to for information but coming up, this all dana need a new shtick . What modern dana would look like, next. [cheering and applause] im snow. And just like you, the further into winter we go, the heavier i get. And while your pants struggle to support the heavier you, your roof struggles to support the heavier me. [laughter] whoo. [crash] and your cutrate insurance might not pay for this. So get allstate, you could save money and be better protected from mayhem like me. Mayhem is everywhere. So get an allstate agent. Are you in good hands . Theres no place likargh e im trying. Yippiekiyay. Mom. Greg gingerbread man is now ginger bread pan. Balance parliament is removed the phrase gingerbread man, from the coffee shop in its building and that will sell holiday cookies as interbred people. Its not to appear sexist. In other news, alan has a parliament. [laughter] but that is not the only Holiday Craft that makes us want to puke. A survey conducted by a Design Company showed people would prefer to modernize santa by ditching the big red suit for skinny jeans. It would be replaced by a flying car and giving the guy a few tattoos and an iphone. Great. We emasculate gingerbread men, fan holiday songs because they are sexist and we want santa to look like a member of maroon five. [laughter] so, if that is what those people want, fine. Heres your pc santa. What the hell are you doing . This came from mother earth. Organic and pure from the divine soil of our planet. Christmas tree . Holiday tree. You are contributing to a mobile epidemic. Its a tradition tradition has been used to embroil hatred and justify oppression of minority groups, not to mention the unrelated growth of global corporations. Who the hell are you . Im taking this. Honey, its beautiful absolutely not. This kind of elitist giftgiving is a hallmark of the bourgeoisie. What are you doing . You ruined it. Now we can all enjoy it. What the hell is this . Santa, Little Something from the kids. Call me chris with a k. Cookie . Im glutenfree. Dont you know anything about the sugar industry . Theyve manipulative studies and politicians for years to cover up for their poisonous products not to mention their obesity epidemic and increased mortality rates from Heart Disease all take a kale smoothie. What about a carrot for the reindeer . I dont use reindeer for thats animal cruelty. I drive a chevy volt. Okay. Time to meet santa claus. Ho, ho, ho. Reporter not okay. Ho is misogynistic slander. Especially with kids sitting in my lap. She just wants to show you this booklet is back hell have to sign a can bet consent form signed that all parties involved agree and confirm that this is a professional and platonic nature. Sign right here. And i need your Social Security number. Initial here. Mothers maiden name. And initial right there. Initial here. [cheering and applause] greg thats gary stuff. That kid could act. Adam, santa is known for his look. Isnt nothing sacred . Not only known for his look for based on a real person. All this update santa claus is a legend but saint niclas was a real guy. Its like taking a survey that should Abraham Lincoln should have a soul patch and dreadlocks. You cant update the look. Greg this is troubling, dana. What is next . What will they do to the easter bunny . Will they turn it into a rabid raccoon . I hate raccoons. Have only a ferret. They might find it in your basement. Greg thats right. A lot of complements, what else would it be . I have no idea. Tyrus we all know. I have no idea what that would mean. Your team does an amazing job. That was a great piece. Greg we are quite good at what we do. Too bad we had let the tall guy go. [laughter] he cost too much. Tyrus. The problem with pc thought is that wherever it goes it saps out fun. Its a fun rule removal machine. Greg yeah, the fun police are trying to eliminate anything that might hurt someones feelings. Tyrus that used to be a job for me and wives but now look, thats where the term came from. Sorry, guys, got to go. Its the fun police. Greg that the origin . Tyrus men are cowards. You know damn right well where the fun police is. Just because shes sitting next to you, dont be afraid to look at her and say you are the fun police and ruin card games, most football games, any sporting event outside the house. Everyone knows it. [laughter] bunch of cowards. You make me sick. God, if mine was here i would not fit either. [laughter] the thing is why are we giving these people a voice . I guarantee it was a tweet or sound like someone walked in the door and made a complaint but where are all these complaints . Bring that to me. Im concerned with gingerbread men being gingerbread men. I would say you should see my gingerbread man. He is gifted. I would give you a reason to call him gingerbread man. All my ginger bread man, are in a change the Gingerbread House to make any gingerbread person you want. Gingerbread woman, gingerbread child. Greg make a Gingerbread House into a yurt. Tyrus you can call it that we can take away the man part. A cookie. Its seasonal. You dont have to get an oreo. There is no sex at the bottom of an oreo, is there . Greg lets move on. Cat, you wrote exactly on this . Thoughts . Kat the whole reason they decided to change the name of the cookie was because it was revealed that a lot of women in parliament were being sexually harassed. This was their solution, right . I was one of these women and actually entering the nightmare of Sexual Harassment at my job and heard this was the solution id be like [bleep] your cookie. Im being sexually harassed. [applause] this will not do anything. It will not solve the problem. These predatory men who out there will not say its gingerbread person so i guess ill stop telling susan her ass looks nice when she comes to the office. It will not make a difference allows them to pat themselves on the back like we did something and were such feminist. No, youre not fit it just makes you feel better. The selfcongratulatory garbage. [cheering and applause] tyrus do you know what, kat . They pat the women on the back after they do that with their seasonal cookie. Then they only have to behave half the year. Greg im amazed this is parliament. These are people that are paid. Kat these are the people trying to pass independence for scotland. Tyrus vote against it. Like their government should shut down. They run out of things. [inaudible conversations] greg i would love our government to focus on gingerbread men. By the way, how do they not know the gingerbread man might not be woman identified as a man tonight. Tyrus because of the song. Greg it makes me sick to my stomach. No longer eating the bread. Fantastic, a little white frosting on it. You know what i mean . Tyrus nope five neither do i tyrus nope five neither do i but why does the cia have but theres no way to avoide that mi. S pmi, hey thisll help. Rocket mortgage® by quicken loans® makes the complex simple. Theres also origination fees and. This takes care of it, thank you. Yeah. Understand the details and get approved in as few as eight minutes. Im anita vogel and lets take you back to the right gutfeld show. Greg it is news about otters you will not hear from jesse watters. Back in the 50s the cia had a project called mk ultra, sound like a beer, and experimented in my control. One of these files cia files was declassified three freedom of information act request and among the thousands of pages was a dossier on the otter. They studied the otters behavior, lifecycle and what the otter could offer the feds. Among the facilities quote an open zipper, climb letter, to through the sheet, turn on water taps, carry stones and marbles, or objects with head from mouth. Hold slippery objects. [laughter] is more than doozy can do ass and i mean both doozies. But it otter can put together a kick ass jug band. Did the cia want otters as field operatives . The otters tribute to the fall of communism . Good questions. They have inspired me to write a poem. Only one voice can recite it so beautifully. Behold the otter. By greg gutfeld. Behold the otter, a ball and some water. Someones son or daughter. [inaudible] now what famous shirley otter what exposure so fast has taught her behold the otter, she could not be hotter on the port of fame she will soon slaughter and route the day the world did spot her. Well done, gutfeld. Lou dobbs, over and out. Greg yeah, hail dobbs. [cheering and applause] ill be home later, lou, wait up. All right. I think its got to be a great job to work for the cia because you can greenlight or pitch anything as long as its to save the country. You can say how about an otter that unzip supplies . Spirit. Kat that the crazy thing. All those things that the otters could do, people can also do. [laughter] i dont understand what meeting like in less this legion of otters. Greg you dont expect the otter to do it. If it is an otter you say thats just an otter and the otter unzips the flight. Kat a life full of what . Im having a hard time understanding [laughter] greg are you that are you badmouthing the cia . Kat yes. Greg thats terrible. Some of it is like they ca can [inaudible conversations] kat what do we need otters to unzip . Greg maybe trying to embarrass foreign agents like lets say the foreign james bond is trying to do something but then he notices his fly is down and you shoot him. You shoot him. Because the otter comes up when no one is looking. Hes at sea world and the secret agent is that the world and otter comes in and. Kat youre right, this does sound like a politically reasonable thing for the cia to fund. Greg you are a patriot, dana. Otters are patriotic and so damn cute. [inaudible conversations] tyrus beavers make dams, greg. Not otters. Stay off animal jokes. Wolf, otter, no more animal jokes. Greg what then do ours do, dana . I guess they are a part of the food chain. Greg no one eats them. Tyrus riveting stuff. [inaudible conversations] the cia has a museum. They have