A show featuring parodies of current events, commentary on significant issues and interviews with newsmakers, culture critics and media personalities. Fault. [laughter] the problem is that things keep getting better. Were doing good with north korea, middle east, gdp is going up and implement dropping. We have peace and prosperity yet the other networks see doomsday. [laughter] every day is doomsday. There is the problem. If every day is doomsday how do you know what the real doomsday is. What we need is a super duper doomsday. What if everything you knew about doomsday is wrong . Get ready for super duper doomsday. At the end of the world. Buckle up you will die and so is everyone else. Earth implodes destroying everything every created except a Doomsday Bunker full of my pillows. Greg that was the best. The ugly truth as the media and Hollywood Academia If Trump were to disappear what would they be doing . If you think these people are sick from trump anxiety imagine there trump withdrawal. Talk about a doomsday. That is, you can go back after donald. Hes introduced something into politics we havent seen in quite a while. Its energy. Media anxiety is not from the apocalypse but trying to keep up. Its the first time in eight years they had to. They see these weird Dance Circles underneath their arms
and say what the hell is that, doctor . Its sweat. [laughter] something you did not see when you are reporting about obama. Things are going good with me the time for tough love with greg gutfeld. Greg welcome to tough love with greg gutfeld. Im not crazy about cnn or jim acosta. Hes a tube of brillo cream to learn to pout. The jeering at the rallies is not a good luck. When i drink too much i think i look great but in reality i should not be in the park wearing nothing but crocs. [laughter] they never believe me when i say im walking a dog. When i see all the yelling at jim acosta i get the anger from a cynicism about a press that under obama have their spines removed to make it easier to bend over. [crowd boos]
is clean. Its clean. Now that trump is here you see the media working overtime and its the contract that bugs you and me. When you are winning and you are, you dont need to scream. In fact, thats a piling on. My suggestion, stop. Instead, do it my mom always i can never tell, there is no middle ground. Lets stick with kindness. Lets Take The High Road and be nicer. You will look better and it will drive the media nuts. They will be so confused that they will probably think it is the end of the world, again. Lets welcome tonights gue
dana, i cannot believe i have to say this. Try to keep it clean. We have children in the audience. He was here for your monologue. [laughter] gregg what do you make of the idea of the conflict between the media and the administration and who should Take The High Road . Do you remember what they said at the five which struck me. When i lecture people we have the luxury of a show. We can talk about all of the stuff. The media drives us crazy. We have an outlet for it. But when they see cnn take out you, thats their outlet. Am i wrong . I dont think its wrong. I think the advice is good. Tough love. Not to get so technical on the pole, he is bleeding women. The Approval Ratings are plummeting for him with women. It is not about the economy, they know its good. It is his temperament. So, it is not helping. It is not necessary. I think the reporters need to be in the room. They could be outside. You could have one tv camera. Jim acosta doesnt need to be in the room. Gregg but if they are outside, the story will be reporters kept outside. It is a trumps fault. Christie, welcome to the show. Good news in the economy, is that what is driving the media nuts. They cannot figure out what to say about him . They want to put him down any chance they have. They want to destroy him, like the video we just saw. It is terrible. It is bad. It needs to stop. They are aging themselves. Gregg they look like they are getting gray, or white. They just look so angry and awful. They need to lighten up. Gregg i noticed anderson coopers hair is totally white. [laughter] obviously it is having an effect. Cat, give me some of your deep analysis of what is going on in the current political climate. Are you angry . Are you perturbed . I am angry, nervous and perturbed. [laughter] but it is usually about other stuff like if i get food later, what if i ordered the wrong thing and i dont like it. And i wish i got another thing. What if when im walking down the street someone sneezes on me and i get a cold again. What if i hang out with somebody who is healthy but theyre harboring a virus and i end up getting sick from them because they are still contagious, definitely i dont worry so
much. The amount of anxiety that some people have about President Trump, only one person should have that anxiety about the president , and that is the president. He could be a little nervous about making important decisions. I think actually, i get more never said about my food order than he does. It seems like he is pretty chill about being president. Gregg i talked about this before. To him, it is another big project. He talks about it like a job, he will share the details of the jobs you that no other president would. The stuff he has to deal with, tyrus. Im glad you made it. Yes, i made it. [applause] gregg he was circling for four hours above the suit studio. It was great. If i could piggyback on dana for
a minute take three steps. Her point is spot on. The acosta thing. Because of my background in wrestling, and President Trump has a long historic history with wrestling. Acosta likes that stuff. Why is he [inaudible] the outside . Reporters use to do that but you cannot get the reactions. He stands up higher than the crowd and then they get going and they say you suck or whatever it is if he got down and walked away to do his report it would be over. Hes doing it for the same reason that he despises President Trump they are involved with the war. Specifically most of the things with cnn has become the front runner of this dogfight with the president. They are willing to go anywhere to go after him. They want to hold themselves in a higher court, but they are the same. Trump, he is a babyface right now. They will cheer him and boot you. Greg it is a mismatch right now. You cant win this fight. Like shut up lady you cant be here. Be a bad guy. I am doing a report on you sir and your extramaritals. Like, be a bad guy. [applause] also they have no sense of humor. If you cannot beat them, join them. And laugh. Maybe it would be better. Greg i hope that its
people looking like a mob does not appeal to me in any form. I am really a good person at heart. No, i am a terrible person. Coming up, Hillary Clinton teams up, received the next Indiana Jones of the next wisconsin failure . In my right . Nasty Nighttime Heartburn . Try new alkaseltzer pm gummies. The only fast, Powerful Heartburn Relief Plus Melatonin so you can fall asleep quickly. Oh, what a relief it is before you can achieve a higher standard of craftsmanship, you need a higher standard of craftsman. See for yourself at the lexus golden opportunity sales event. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. You shouldnt be rushed into booking a hotel. With expedias addon advantage, booking a Flight Unlocks discounts on select hotels until the day you leave for your trip. Addon advantage. Only when you book with expedia. Greg unemployment is so low even hillary found a new job. Were teaming up with steven spielberg, however that is to produce a documentary on the woman Suffrage Movement. The struggle they endured for the right to vote. One hundred years later than they could elect donald trump. [laughter] groups, i gave away the ending. [applause] hillary is producing television now which is a powerful gig. Tv is a very persuasive medium. The more stuff she produces, the more fun i can have with her. I wonder what her next project is going to be . Hillary clinton presents, i hate everyone on this planet, especially greg gutfeld. [laughter] greg i cannot wait for that. Cats, what you make of this . Does it upset you, it should. I just dont how you get a gig like that, being Hillary Clinton. She does not really strike me as being a creative person. I do not think she has ever finger painted, even as a child she was probably like no, i am not doing that. She was able to hire another kid to do the fingerpainting for her. That is just how i see it. She had to hire basically a team of writers for her twitter, to make jokes on twitter. If you cannot seep into your own tweets, how will you make your own movie . She is good at one thing, sitting there and looking
terrifying. [laughter] greg obviously, hollywood, does she deserve this opportunity . What you make of this . No. A producer . Like an Executive Producer . Greg you do not need a lot for that, do you . No. She is going to sit am a directors chair eating donuts and collecting a check. Greg bill is thinking, i will do the casting couch. [laughter] greg dana, serious points, if she is a real feminist should they do a documentary on Harvey Weinstein . Theyll be truly feminist but she cannot because she overlooked his behavior because he was giving so much money to
the party for her to get elected. Maybe the worst example of a feminist is her, maybe. You said it well. Greg thank you. I wonder if they will start off with the woman who started off the right to vote is from wyoming, which is where i am from. Typically conservative. I also dont think she will have to do anything. Just like barack obama or Michelle Obama will have to do anything from the millions they are getting from netflix. When James Patterson wrote his latest book, he added bill clinton to it. It was a collaboration. James patterson did not need bill clinton to help sell books. This is basically, it is like if you fail, then you get picked up by hollywood if you are a liberal. I am not bitter about that. Greg you should be. I am you have not failed. But when i fail, i have no
safety net. Maybe this is a weird thing i dreamt. Wasnt the Suffrage Movement created am part for prohibition . A woman would vote question work. It was Property Rights am a miami you do not have that high of a population. They wanted women to vote to increase their vote total. Greg tyrus, what are your thoughts on hillarys next move . We should be afraid. I am not messing with her. Leave her alone. [laughter] stop messing with her. There is that scary old lady on your block and one kid who always wants to go pick that and say dont do it. Dont to it. She is going to use this vehicle because she is going to do that. He is a name and has a big bandaid. He is about women to get her
reelection bid going this is a path to get her with her base. This movie is about womens right to vote because we need to stick together to stop the evil trump. It is going to come back to donald trump am a darth vader suits at the end of the movie. [laughter] i guarantee. Greg we should call it jaws seven. I am just envisioning hillarys house has seven or eight frisbees on the roof because nobody goes over to get it back. Everybody who grows up am the neighborhood knows who i am talking about. This is the lady, times ten. Like am the sandlot . He was the dog and was sweet. Even if they got hurt she would be crawling after you like terminator. Greg coming up, do Trigger Warnings do more harm than good . Howeveharvard says yes. Who is that . Ive never heard of him. They know what it takes to help keep you protected. Are you in good hands . Ive been Making Blades here at gillette for 20 years. I bet im the first blade maker youve ever met. Theres a lot of innovation that goes into making our thinnest longest lasting blades on the market. Precision machinery and highquality materials from around the world. Nobody else even comes close. Its about delivering a more comfortable shave every time. Invented in boston, made and sold around the world. Order now at gilletteondemand. Com. Gillette. The best a man can get. Life from americas news headquarters, venezuela is am battle with the president surviving what some are calling an assassination attack. Drones loaded with explosives
detonated during a speech. Maduro is safe and unharmed but seven soldiers were injured. They are blaming the rightwing opposition for the attack. He is pointing the finger at columbias president. Some are disputing this version saying it was a Gas Tank Explosion inside an apartment. President trump is concerned his eldest son may have violated the law. The Washington Post reports that the president has told confidants that donald trump junior may have unintentionally crossed the line. Special counsel, Robert Mueller is investigating trump junior for arranging a meeting am 2016 between russian a lawyer and campaign officials. Now back to the greg gutfeld show. Greg now, a story about Trigger Warnings which calls for a trigger warning. Old people get the reference. [laughter] a new study from harvard, a school finds that Trigger Warnings may do more harm than good. We have seen these from books depicting violence. One group got a trigger warning, one didnt. What they found is that Trigger Warnings increase peoples emotional vulnerability to trauma. If youre someone who believes words can hurt you, a trigger warning makes it worse. That is crazy. Somebody who may have been able to handle something shocking would be less able to handle it because of the warning. Trigger warnings are causing pain not preventing it. This is nuts. Ive come up with a great new product. One that counters Trigger Warnings with a blunt world advice from someone you know well. Sometimes i want direction and advice from a favorite strategists. Why canno why cant i have both . Now you can. The world first geo locator to come with the dose of nononsense advice. Your destination am one hour there are no shortcuts am life. If you believe otherwise you are a protein washed. I pity you and your said to cry of children. Turn right at the next intersection. Nice. The position is an system is also always there. This traffic is tol terrible. Theres a tollbooth ahead so i hope you have the money after the taxes. Its a shame, you meet and mates and all they do is take and take. They would rather expend to government than your well. Also, there is a passing lane had. Thank you. Plus it will keep you out of dangerous areas on road trips. Where are we . Am 500 feet turn right. The only way am which to fight Political Correctness and ideological prejudice is to turn right. Then turn left to avoid traffic. Here we come. You can download this right ear smart phone. This should be easy for you, your filthy communist. Then i can see so get a haircut. Get the Positioning System today. Youll never get lost or disappoint your parents again. That was supposed to be on the show tonight. He could have used a gps. But he did not make it, so hes not there. But we have you. A constellation price, i know
but i can do the accent. Greg am the world world, you will get a trigger warning. I did not have a trigger warning about the alligator going into the convenience store. Had i known they would be terrorizing people i may have prepared myself and not embarrassed the network by saying a bad word on live television. Greg on the five, dana said something awful on the show which embarrassed her cohost. If i had known the alligator was going to do that, i might not have cause the problem. Trigger warnings are like spoilers, isnt it better to find out things. Ill be real honest, my definition of Trigger Warnings is a lot different than yours. I do a lot of prepping for the show. This means im going to my car so, you mean like a preemptive verbal cue that something offensive is about to come. Greg apparently students feel that way okay. Thats exactly what it is. And you can choose to leave. If you hear the just music. If im reading a book, once upon a time no thank you, i got it. Greg if you do well on certain matters, it makes it worse. It is like if you told the kid a dr. Comes am and said were going to give you a flu shot just to let you know, its a giant needle. It is going to pierce your skin. When my dr. Does certain exams he talks to me while he was doing it so im not paying attention. And then i say what just happened. Its so much better. Greg you are shocked by his finger. A sneak attack. Greg are you saying that wasnt a question . It was not a question at all. Greg it was a statement wrapped am a question. What are your thoughts am general . I think it is ridiculous to warn people. I learned something new today and i love Trigger Warnings. Can i get a trigger warning when you go on a date . Instead of stocking will kat, last word. I think it makes perfect sense, just like the shopping or anything else. If were saying this might emotionally traumatize you how is that supposed to calm you down . That would be if i came to you before every show is a dont screw it up. I do not think that will make you have a better show. Greg it wouldnt, but yet you still do it. I kind of do. [laughter] greg a lot of people do that at box. They really do. Greg still to come, new Government Program that punishes you for your social behavior. Is it awesome or scary, or both . I am all about living joyfully. The new united Explorer Card hooks me up. Getting more for getting away. Traveling lighter. Getting settled. Rewarded
learn more at theexplorercard. Com to and practice. Kidlots of practice. Tion. Get them started right with Carnation Breakfast essentials. It has protein plus vitamins and minerals to help kids be their best. Carnation breakfast essentials. And the wolf huffed and puffed. Like you do sometimes, grandpa . Well, when you have copd, it can be hard to breathe. So my doctor said. Symbicort can help you breathe better. Starting within 5 minutes. It doesnt replace a Rescue Inhaler for sudden symptoms. Doctor symbicort helps provide significant improvement of your lung function. Symbicort is for copd, including Chronic Bronchitis and emphysema. It should not be taken more than twice a day. It may increase your risk of lung infections, osteoporosis, and some eye problems. Tell your doctor if you have a Heart Condition or high Blood Pressure before taking it. Grandpa symbicort could mean a day with better breathing. Watch out, piggy giggles get symbicort free at saveonsymbicort. Com. If you cant afford your medication, astrazeneca may be able to help. If you cant afford your medication, booking a flight doesnt have to be expensive. Just go to priceline. Its the best place to book a flight a few days before my trip and still save up to 40 . Just tap and go. For the best savings on flights, go to priceline. If you misbehave. China, the country, not the Fine Dinnerware has rolled out a social Credit System despite on the behavior of its massive population. The reason is from a Government Document Keeping Trust is glorious and breaking trust is disgraceful. Lou dobbs once said the same to me am a sauna. I never forgot it. [laughter] now, with social Credit Scores except it is way worse. Things like bad driving, smoking and a nonsmoking area or posting fake news online can affect your social score. People with low scores can be prevented from traveling. You can miss out of school, jobs, or the ambrosia salad recipe. Its amazing. The system is optional but they plan to make scores mandatory am public by 2020. Am the words of dana perino holy that is pretty scary. [laughter] obviously. Im going to go to first of dana calm down a bit. [laughter] i kind of like this idea. You like this idea . Can you imagine if they put your internet history up, you would really want that and the naked party stuff you look at . This is a horrible idea for men. Greg those are bodysuits. My brothers am china land, dan. Everything you do. I can only speak for men, straight men. [laughter] we are kind of decrepit, naughty little dudes and we look at things we shouldnt because we are curious about the world so,
i would really not want to be walking my son to school i would not be able to take my daughter to school ever. His credit score 600 but his personality score is a two. And his adult contents of negative 75. You have a Credit Rating and a pervert trading. Im curious,. Greg dana, you love this topic. Why do you love it . I think it is the most evil way to try to control people the system is meant to depress creativity and freedom. I want to give you an example. They have a system where lets say you jaywalk. Its easier to get across the street and you take your life am your own hands. They would take pictures of everyone. They mash it to your credit score they would say dana perino jaywalk today and being am debt am china is an embarrassing thing. They try to control your entire life. They are making a huge mistake. I think they changed am a terrible way. How do you feel about a . I feel the same way dana does. It is a big eyeopener. To be appreciative and the freedoms that we have. [applause] not so fast. I want more of that, i kinda love it. One of the things we could get penalized for is buying too many video games. Have any viewed dated the dude
that plays a lot of video games . Its like you dont exist. Its like, sorry am not a dragon. They should have lots of other things to like posting minute by minute updates about your pregnancy on social media or saying something after asking you a question. Were you born am a barn . What is wrong with you. Is someone out there is sharing chapstick im fine with that. By the way, were doing this to ourselves. We are policing our own behavior on twitter. We are banishing them and thats just as bad. We are actually a big brother. I am with you. Social credit, hogging gym machines. You hate people that hog gym machines . Greg yes. Why . Greg i just want to use the gym machine. Im going to go with dana on this one. [laughter] greg go ahead and clap. I am not listening to your clapping. Still to come, people are getting low rates on Car Insurance hes the one. vo love is knowing. It was meant to be. And love always keeps you safe. vo love is why we built a car you can trust for a long time. The allnew Subaru Impreza sedan and fivedoor. A car you can love no matter what road youre on. The Subaru Impreza. More than a car, its a subaru. Right now, get 0 Apr Financing on the 2018 Subaru Impreza. It gives you super fast speeds for all your devices, provides the most Wifi Coverage for your home, and lets you control your network with the xfi app. Its the ultimate wifi experience. Xfinity xfi, simple, easy, awesome. 1100 less. His Insurance Company told him that. Turns out the insurance process of men under 25 are at higher risk of collision than women of the same age. David said he is not physically changing his gender, just only on paper which was as easy as getting a dr. Snow. Is he exposing the sexist practice or committing fraud . Either way, he is my hero. We know who the worst driver is. Right mr. Whiskers . Local greg he has a perfect driving record. So thank you. Your clapping over that . Your star for humor. This guy is an American Hero even though he where men are men and moose are nervous. I love the canadians. Let me make that clear what is
this about . Is it jim carrey who did it . Justin bieber . I have no idea. I think it is very clever. It proves that men and women are biologically different when it comes to money would feminists prefer they pay the same amount as men. We want the Social Credit for being who we are. The interesting thing, Isnt It Canada who is changing their Birth CertificateGoing Forward . You do not have to declare a gender. I do not know what allstate and geico are going to do. It is opening a can of worms. Heres the thing, i guess for the people who are psychologically challenged for not knowing who they are being
trapped, this could be disheartening. But its still the point. This is the problem when we change the rules so everybody is happy. Then nobody is happy. There are 24 technical genders now what i am saying is they will get upset. The guy changes to save money. But inside he felt like a cheap woman. He did not want to pay the bill you cannot argue that. Should woman do the reverse like if you identify as a man there is no line at the mens bathroom. I just dont understand this personally. I should not be getting cheaper Car Insurance than anyone, or Car Insurance at all. When i used to drive, i got am so many accidents, i hit other
cars and things that were not cars that were not moving. I blew out a tire because i had was and that is something that would only happen to a woman, the gorka gps that went about 5 inches thats the first time i will driven about six years. So sure i totally deserve cheaper Car Insurance. This is fair. I think we learned a lot. Dont go anywhere. Our final thoughts are next. Experience the versatility of utility, with a range of suvs perfect for any adventure, at the lexus golden opportunity sales event. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. You shouldnt be rushed into booking a hotel. With expedias addon advantage, booking a Flight Unlocks discounts on select hotels until the day you leave for your trip. Addon advantage. Only when you book with expedia. Gacan start in the colon, n, and diarrhea and may be signs of an imbalance of good bacteria. Only Phillips Colon Health has this unique combination of probiotics. It helps replenish good bacteria. Get fourinone symptom defense