Are they small hands . No they are not. And that is why you are our president. [ applause ] welcome. Welcome to the year in trump. Or the year of trump. Which is it . We took a poll and asked the year in trump or the year of trump. Our results. The year of trump beat the year in trump by a tally of 4 to 2. We asked six people. Well actually just seven but lou dobbs shouted mayonnaise and then punched me in the face. And really is the year of trump. In this trumpy year we learn some valuable stuff. One, the more you dismiss something the more you exalt it. Rather than be persuasive the media became a withering insult machine as did hillary directing bile not just at trump but those for fell for him. And the cheaper laughs at average americans expense just pushed more souls to trump. Including those who saw him as the last choice among 17. Every time trump ticked me off sara silver map would Say Something that would piss me off even more. Usa is number one, usa is number one kind of fervor is its so scary. It comes it is like it is really my favorite combination in comedy. Arrogant, ignorance. But it is this kind of like closed xenophobic, like were number one. And needing under the circumstances to needing us be number one. Number one in what . Juvenile diabetes . And you wonder why they lost. You you would think after hillarys loss obnoxious stars might stop telling us how stupid we are . No. Because they are [ bleep ]. True this, every. Winning is more fun than church. Hell, donald trump referred to the body of christ as a cracker and not just jesus was white. But the godly still embraced him. Accusations of hypocrisy no locker apply. If you hated rhinos last year now you can love them because ideology is dead. And yes trump stretched the truth a little but when you are up against hillary, accusations of dishonesty dont rate. Which leads me to number three, the dems should have listened to us. Sorry bernie, america was not sick and tired of the emails. The emails exposed her. And if left werent so blinded by gender politics they would have found someone who didnt somehow work Anthony Weiner back into the picture. His package was always part of the package. Number four. The identity grifton rift no lo worked. The boys who cried bigot final wore out its welcome. The social Justice Warrior is now the official pinata for ridicule. They are the workout leotards of 2016. Yeah i miss those. Im wearing one right now. But america, do not get comfortable. Left wingers, they are like zombies. They always rise from the grave, only in new clothes. Communists became progressives. Radical subversives became social justice ghouls. So the left will be back and whatever they become next will be worst. If there is one one we learned, that they never learn at all. Lets welcome tonights guest. Hes so bright you can get a n suntan just sitting next to him. Charles hertz. And sharp as a stick and like a dog hes always fetching. Guy benson. She tells her old acquaintance to go pound sand. National review reporter cat tam. And stonehenge is his paperweight. Wrestler and fox news contributor. Tyr tyrus. Do we have . I think we might have a another little chunk of donald from the debates. I want to ask your favorite moments. We have some bad hombres here and were going to get them out. Casual use of the wrong. Came of a reporter wrong. He has consistently denied wrong. Such nasty woman. Just awfully good that someone with the temperament of donald trump is not in charge of the law in our country. Because you would be in jail. Charles. A lot to choose from over this year. What was your favorite part of the debates or part of the primaries in general . Was there a moment that sticks out . Well i mean really there wasnt a bad debate in either the primary or the general election. They were all fantastic and they were fantastic because of him. He rewrote all of the rules. Probably if i had to pick the most probably the most important one was the second general Election Debate where he media had thrown everything at him for two weeks and he had to go out there after being called, you know, all things. And he had to go out there and just sort of keep on going. And he succeeded. But probably the single most important was when it was the first debate t fox debate where he walked out. And he was he was cruisin for a bruisen and he went out there and started a fight and got in a fight and within minutes he was mocking rand paul for being 2 in the polls and on the stage with him and in that moment it was clear the rules were rewritten. And in that debate he didnt raise his hand. He was like why would i raise my hand. And before he didnt raise any he looked up and down the aisle and said well they are all doing one thick. Im doing something different. They must be wrong. It was the opposite of peer pressure. What was your favorite moment . I think one of his stronger moments came against ted cruz in a headtohead where he responded to the new york values attack. Because cruz was trying to send a message this guy is a liberal, he cant be counted on. Hes secular. And what he was trying to say was something pretty political and typical and rather than saying thats not true im a conservative, he said how dare you attack my state and [ applause ] and cruz was utterly unprepared for that comeback. And my favorite momentum. Hillary clinton has a pretty devastating line of attack. And ironic now because saying this man may not accept the election result. And went down this whole litany of instances where he has claimed something was rigged against him. Where it didnt go his way. Even his Celebrity Apprentice show didnt win the emmys and he said those are rigged. And off camera he goes we should have gotten it. And it was such a serious attack from her. But when he jumped in and still insisted they should have won the emmy. She almost started to laugh. Like what can you do. Hes a character. Cat what did you find . What was memorable to you . I think my favorite thing is any time he ever said anything like he was going like this. It is the best face ever. Ive started making that face. Like hes thinking with his lur job. Resting bulldog face. The cants were interesting to watch. My life is not as exciting now that i dont get to sit there with my coffee mug of wine and watch and tweet away. With the first debate we got Rosie A Donnell and her appearance and everybody saying thats incredibly problematic to have done but boy was it fun to watch. Yes. Im more troubled by the mug of wine. I get your philosophy. As the i think what you are saying because you dont go outside and drink socially you could have wine in anything. Why would i have wine glasses. All regular cups hold the same fluid. Yes. That is true. And very sad. Very sad. If i wasnt so scared of her id give her a hug. My favorite moment was and he had a lot of moments but a guy who likes to get the last word in i feel like donald has the same disease i do. And hillary hit him with some stuff. And as far as political points go he probably won. But he always had a good comeback even if it was literally the worst thing you could say in a moment. If you ever argue with a woman shes going to hit you with a lot of stuff and you got to come back. And he came back with you nasty woman. From a guy whos dropped like is that the make up you are going go with . You know, stuff like that. I didnt say you look fat in your pants. You come one stuff on argument because you cant beat them in substance. Not only did he say certain things. He always would get bored. He would get fidgety. Hi would do his weiss ass comments. Like a tenyearold at his sisters piano recital. Even after a debate he goes that was way too long. People at home dont need to watch all that. Remember that is this first or second one. They didnt need the undercard debates by the way. Like the separate lunchroom for the kids with the peanut allerrys. The debates were like the movie office space. The guy could come out and ask for the forms. And trump was like oh man. And he didnt do his homework. All the eight points you dont want do. He wanted to get to the substance and get out. And listen to him mock a 14 point plan. Listen to who has a 14 point plan . And as a master marketer, his ability to know what the customer wants. And he figured that out so well. And not only did he reveal that he knew it so well, he revealed how like the media totally doesnt get the customer anymore. Yeah. Exactly. Last word, guy. You played it in the montage where he made the quip about shed be in jail and people lost their minds. Hes an authoritarian hes going to unilaterally put people in prison. And i think most people realized a i bithat point you dont take everything he says literally. The media hadnt learned that lesson. And according to polling a majority of the American People disagreed with comeys decision not to recommend an indictment against hillary clinton. So it is not like he was way out of bounds. All right. We got go. I keep thinking about that movie, it was a leftwing fantastic called bullworth with warn beattie. They made this up. But it actually happened. It was bull worth for the right. I think. It was a very unusual phenomena. Coming up a story so cool you are going to need your run your fingers under warm water so they dont have to be removed. Thats disgusting. Thank you. Which donald trump slogan was the best . Hint, they are all equally awesome. But first this, shes like a highway in alaska. Nothing but cold shoulders. Mcdonalds only sells her unhappy meals and shes our goddess of kbloom. Our presence of pessimism. Our maiden of misery. If good news were a parade shed hate on it. Shes like a runners cramp. Sharp and painful. Shes quirky and smirky. Like a fresh cut dandline, always bitter. Shes where Silver Linings go to die. Like a tube of tooth paste on like a tube of tooth paste on the floor, this is your daughter. And she just got this. Ooh boy. But, youve got hum. So you can set this. And if she drives like this, you can tell her to drive more like this. Because youll get this. You can even set boundaries for so if she should be here, but instead goes here, here, or here. Youll know. So dont worry, mom. Because you put this, in here. Hum by verizon. The technology designed to make your car smarter, safer and more connected. Put some smarts in your car. He ruled the land with his relentless bland. Ability to brand everything. Buildings. Water. Here is trumps step by step guide on how to create a Winning Brand and becoming president of the united states. It is very easy. Step one, come up with a catchy phrase. Repeat it over and over and over again. And also write it across your forehead. We are going to make America Great again. Were going to make America Great again. Step two. Keep all Campaign Promises to approximately three words or less to help confusion. Drain the swamp. Drain the swamp. Were not winning anymore. Were going to start winning so much. Were going to win, win, win again. Were going to build the wall, believe me. Were going to build the wall. Were going to have the wall. Were going to have the wall. Were going make the wall now ten feet taller. Repetition and simplicity. And step three. Reinforce trust by constantly repeating these two words. Believe me. Believe me. Believe me. Hes like kiss without the make up. Scientology without the freaky believes. Free maceance but with way better hats. Free masons. What was your favorite slogan . What do you think really worked for him . The fact that if you went out on the street and asked the average american what was Donald TrumpsCampaign Slogan i think most people would know. Make America Great again. He saidet over and over again. The hats were so simple and unsophisticated. Well they worked. I tried to remember. I follow this stuff for a living. What was mitt romneys slogan. Anyone remember . It was believe in america. John kerrys in 2004, let america be america again. Donald trump is like that is lame. Cut some words out. Make America Great again. Build a wall. Say it over and over people have a sense what he might want to do. What does trump want do as president . The wall. People know it because he understands marketing and sticking to a message and with all the squirrels and insane distractions of 2016 it would come back to a few key phrases that people internalize. Yeah. Charles do you think it matters if he doesnt follow through with some of this stuff . Some of i dont know who said it earlier. Not many people believe everything he says. Hes not going lock her up and when he said he wasnt everybody said yeah we knew that. I think a lot of people that was one big failures of the meeting was that everybody took him absolutely literally throughout all of it and they didnt understand okay. Build a wall or secure the border. Secure the border would be a great steo. Washington has been talking about it for 25 years and failed to do it. I think the best slogans were the ones he hung on his enemies. Like poke honts for elizabeth warren. And the other thing is mitt romney just round big rich in america. And donald trump made it great again. Great to be rich again. And fly around in his plane. And the favorite scene in the whole plane is when ted cruz came out to cleveland for the red zone and trying to give some speech by the lake and here comes Donald Trumps plane and he circles a couple of times completely drowning out the guys speech. It was perfect. You know, in the movie cruz is going to be the bad guy. In the actor who plays cruz will probably be nominated for an oscar because it is such a brutal. Hes going to be the most unlikable person. The scene was already filmed. That was rodney danger field in cad dee shack. And the hes trying to christen the ship and here comes Rodney Dangerfield in his big boat. Do you think these are successful . Do i . Arnold schwarzenegger. His lines. They stick around and people with use it in a sentence. It is tangible. Hillary clinton was the catch frad phrases were like the late night Animal Planet commercials for the dogs. Even though your heart. Youre like oh the dogs. After a while you are just like. Because it is so long. And i get it. I come from a wrestling battleground. Were all about the one phrase. For me it was somebody call your mama. And id be like oh okay. Bro. Call my mama. And. Catch phrase. You get it. Yeah. Creepy is cool. I dont even well you know what, cool is creepy. There you go. Works for me. Cat what do you make of this . Simplicity . Brilliant . Yeah also build a wall everyone understands what that means. It is hard do but people understand why he couldnt build the wall and people say well, everyones already done listening because it gets boring. People are pro winning. People are pro america. Again, his facial expressions just crush it every time for me, really. I really, really just love that. Made it very simple, very fast, very positive message. Really couldnt go wrong with that. Hed also physically hug american flags. He would come on stake and look at this flag. And hug [chatter]. All right. Plus it gets stuck in your head whether you like it or not. Like i know that my pillow gives me the best nights sleep in the whole wide world. Do i know that . If its true but still have it in my head. Keep buying a lot of gold and silver. Makes no sense. I dont even know why im doing it. I dont understand because they keep saying now has never been a better time. And im thinking but this ads been going on for a while. If i bought it a couple years ago that was a bad move. No its a great move. What am i talking about. Gold and silver, its never been a better time to buy. As well as reverse mortgages and solid gold catheters. Well be back all right, coming up a story so crazy you think it was made out of straws. President trump and his tweets they go together like a pair of socks. Why do some people want to separate them . But first this . Hes so big his body is divided into the commercial and residential units. Took five storks to deliver him. Uses the good year blimp as a pillow. He uses a cruise ship as a bath toy. The satellite dish as his dinner plate. A ferris wheel as a unicycle. A high school hula hoop as a toe ring. I wanted to know where my family came from. I did my ancestrydna. The most shocking result was that im 26 native american. I had no idea. Its opened up a whole new world for me. This is your tax return. Ok. Now, there are many right ways to fill out this tax return. And the irs will accept them all. One of them gets you the most money back. Isnt that the one you want . Thats the one i want. Thats the one you want. Mmm. You touched all these. Dont just get your taxes done, amy. Get your taxes won. All american new year. A postelection poll showed sixty percent of americans went president elect trump to close his twitter account. To which trump replied. [ baby spittling ] oh thats disgusting. Why should he stop tweeting . How do you think he got elected . By hiding from the media . Never talking to anyone . Never answering questions . Letting someone else tweet for you . No that is how you lose an election. Twitter gave trump a 24 7 mega phone. Literally 24 7. Remember the debates when clinton brought up former Miss Universe alicia machado. Everyone thought he was nuts. Bad move. What are you doing. Then a few hours later this. For those knocking me for tweeting at 3 00 a. M. At least you know i will be there awake. To answer the call. [ applause ] he threw himself his on lifeline. Face it. The media doesnt want trump tweeting because it eliminates them. Who needs chuck todd when you have an iphone and a handle. You have to wonder what the election would have been like if donald trump didnt tweet. Adorable, but really, really boring i think is what it is. Cat you are on twitter. I firmly believe that tweeting doesnt make anyone look better. It makes them look worse because it takes vacuadvantage of your impulsiveness and emotion. Like when you are a great time you never tweet, right. I know. Thats i tweet all the time. And that is true. There have been so many nights where ive done some tweeting, you know, before going bed. Passing out. And you wake up in the morning and you are like what have i done . Yes. Before you go to bed everyone thats tweeting at you. Like what . Oh you hate these people. The losers. You wake up. Maybe they were white. Maybe that is not something i should have shared with a hundred thousand people. Nice humble brag. Its actually 113. Trump you know, i always feel embarrassed when i put my own personal drama on the internet. I think trump should be a little more careful to not put our countrys drama on the internet so they know when our country i