Gymna gymnast. Having seem him perform privately, hes every bit as flexible as that young woman. A little thumbs up there. His parents prayed he would have been kidnapped. Its my repulsive side kick. Sitting right next to me, writer, comedian and barely shaved jesse joyce. A block. The ledge. Finally, hes being nice to me. Will they seek the the immortal. Google, announced its launching a new venture that will look at ways to slow or reverse the aging process. The company aims to extend life for ever. Dont hold your breath for the end of death. Google ceo larry page tells Time Magazine which still exists, it could be a couple of decades before their efforts start paying offer. Experts say if they are successful, immortality will only be available to a few. The 1 , the rich. There will be a separation of humans between rich immortal gods, the 1 , and the rest of us poor mortals. Lets check in with someone that learned that death is inevitable. Hes suppressed. Thats what happens when you find out your mortal and dont believe in a higher being. He looked happy to me. As someone who is trying to stay young who is dressing like an extra in 21 jump street. Sure do. I can continue to dress this way. Im going to do this well into my 60s. You have no idea how old i am. I happen to google the term slow the aging process and the number one hit was drink pomegrante juice. They come from india. I dont know if youve seen old indian people, but it does not look like they decoded any secret to stay young looking. We dont know how old they are. Will you people stop being inflammatory. We just got a miss usa indian. Which the temple of doom. That witch doctor looks like a sun dried crocodile. Finally, did you ever google google, you asked the secret of immortality. Its a picture of jesses face being stepped on by a large indian man. Youre 74 years old but you stay young by drinking the tears of orphans, starving orphans appare apparently. Virgin orphans. We hope they are. What do you think of the findings . Do we think they want a crap about our living. They only want our views. If you live forever you can keep viewing. Its not about us looking pretty. Its about us clicking. Shes totally right. This is the narcissism of the multimillionaire ceos of goo e google. Dont agree with me again. I disagree with everything they said. They think they are god. They are god now. They kind of are god as the other god is dead. Thank you for that. Theyre already putting all of their money into theyre trying to live forever. They could care less about us. Its not the 1 . Its those two. The funny thing about bill is you discovered immortality, being so disgusting death looks at you and says no thanks. Even death now. Obama hates me. Polls. This is somebody that works at google and decided to put that into the press and send that out. Theres the 1 in the sky. Shut up. Thank you. I thought andy was going to pass out. Thats what it is. No, its not. Here is my problem with this. This is going to happen. It may not happen in the next 100 years, 200 years. Because it will happen all the dead are being cheated. Its discrimination against the dead via progress. Its not fair to the people that have already livered. Right. We should do no medical research because if we cure diseases its not fair to the people who didnt have the cure. The ceo of calico doesnt work at google. Hes the chairman of apple. The real agenda is to bring back steve jobs. Apple is hurting. Thats whats going on. That makes more sense. I too did some digging. All the company will be doing is hiring people to look really closely at google maps to try to find the fountain of youth. Somewhere in tallahassee. I want that job. Andy listened to your question and answered that and went ahead with his talking point. I havent heard a [ bleep ] word you said in three years. I dont know why. Maybe you should get your ears clean. Did you really just write that down . One f bomb. Its a drinking game aplomon the red eye viewers. I love this. Theres people out there thinking about weird stuff like this instead of going we have to make a faster cell phone. Can we take a sthhot of kerr and bill. I was watching the view this morning. Its like shes the better version of generalmy mccarthy and hes a better version of barbara walters. Fear of death is massive. We will take anything. This is important. Its not like they will take your body bag. Its about your consciousness. Your body is not going to be part of the immortality. Its going to be your conscious, your brain will be floating. You will be living the life of a Search Engine within google. Youll be in the cloud. You cant use porn because you have nothing to use it with. The fact that it just speaks to how much we love life an hate death that we would be happy to be eye babbballs and a pillow. I think we will use porn. Why the you have to say that . I Say Something amazing and you focus on the porn thing. It wasnt amazing. The people that want to stay alive are the narcissists. The people that run google and you. We welcome your death. People like yourself cant imagine a world they dont live in. They cant imagine being hoold d dying. I imagine all of that. Were going to figure out ways of getting high when we have no body. Thats so yes. Then youll have the dead occupying cemeteries like occupy wall street. Theyll be protesting. Instead of being contrite, they want to put up a fight. Several parents are considering a lawsuit against Bryan Hollaway after they trashed his louse. They broke windows and urinated on carpets and caused 20 grand in damages. The former new england patriot created a website naming many of them including pictures they posted on social media from the party. He says that instead of making amends some parents threatened legal action over the site. All the things that were broken could be fixed. Everything could be returned. Theres 300 lives at stake. I have parents upset at me. Your child was in my housebreaking and destroy stuff and youll get plamad at me. Glad he wore his possessions. He said hes still cleaning. Take a look. Nothing i like more than a duck being vacuumed. Jesse you show up at High School House parties with a case full of zima hoping a 16yearold girl might talk to you. Thats where we met. What do you make of these parents . I knew that was coming. Im inviting the teens that i manage to the forest this weekend to tear up the toadstool that you live under. I hate teenagers a lot. You dress like one. I know. I think its awesome that he published the names on his website. He set up a fund so he could raise money to fix his house. Then here is where he messed up. He put his florida address on the website for where you should send money. Why would you did you learn nothing. You just published here is my other house. Im in new york repairing this one so im not at the other one. Im on the view right now so im not going to be home for a few days. Are the parents idiots, stupid heads . Theyre stupid heads. These are the parents that give trophies to the kids that come in last place. Why are these parents doing any of this. Their kids [ bleep ] up. Sorry. They destroyed some guys house and theyre being nice about it. You know what it is. Because they are worried that little more and mrs. Precious wont get into their favorite college. Maybe they shouldnt have posted it on their facebook page. You think they are the kind of kids who piss on a carpet in rochester. Im from buffalo. Watch it. I knew she was from buffalo. Check out those wings. How would you punish them if they went wild at a hobby store. I say good for these parents. How dare this guy repost the names and pictures of these kid who is are guilty of nothing more than trespassing, destruction of property, underage drinking and bragging about it online. Shame on you. You keep up the good fight. Parents of the kids who trespasss you are teaching us a lot in genetics which is the stupid gene can be passed along. No one can trash your home because fill in the blank. Im a nice guy. Homeless. Im fun. S theres a lot of things he should have done. He said how his friend had gotten in contact and said dad, look at twitter now. There are all these people partying. Hes doing this play by play. I was like this is terrible. At no point was it discussed to call the cops. None of the kids got taken away. At no point did anyone call someone. All of a sudden he forgot he doesnt play for the patriots anymore. Im concerned. Way to make fun of the victim . Dont answer the question. I am the victim. From partying to profanity. Should teens say boo to chants that are blue . Major League Soccer has a problem and its not that the sports suck and super boring all though both are true. Fans are yelling in unison. You see them in store fronts. The chant was copied from similar ones and rhymes with you suck a hole. You suck [ bleep ]. I guess it was worth showing. Theyre eager to end the obsc e obscenity because its broadcast deals are up from year. They asked fans to refrain or play a more interesting sport like badminton. Whats more exciting than soccer and higher scoring. This. Going for a new record. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Personal best. Six. Sev seven. Obviously we dont have tape of the hours upon hours of training that went into that for that poor animal. I bet i could do that. Prizes for dogs. Cant stop talking right now. Andy. Arent vulgar chants protected by the constitution and is this further proof that soccer is unamerican and should be abolished in the United States . Yes to all of that. I can assure you ill be chanting obscene things too but they will be directed toward the people who made me go to the soccer game. Soccer is fun to play. Its fun to play. Its not. Its not fun to watch. Make the nets bigger. Its boring. Was he talking about the players . No the nets. Children attend these games. Yelling obscenities could be a problem or is it the funnest part. I think its the funnest part. I think cursing and sports go together like cursing and sports. You cant really take the two away from each other. That is true. I mean i dont really watch soccer. I dont really watch wrestling a whole lot but if the wrestling fans havent getting there vulgar then are they doing . Trying to kill some time. Is that what theyre doing . Theyre just bored. Your Court OrderedCommunity Service forced you to coach a soccer team and after they won you would hand out cigarettes to players to pick up their younger sisters. I was kind of disgusted about that. They brought the best oranges. The problem is on paper this seems offensive but i looked into this particular clip and i turns out that posing goalie actually is a [ bleep ]. And he really does suck. Where ever you go in life this is going to be positive. People chants the same thing. They same you suck and please die. People that dont even know me. Stop with this. All should count their blessings. Look at what were yelling. Look at the brothers across the pond and tell them at least our chants are racist. They go away from f bombs and say the n bombs constantly. You mean nice guy . Yes. When they say it those accents its offensive. I like it when you said the 20s because the 30s and 40s were so calm. What are perks of working in the business . First, should people be buried with their pets . No, next question. Do men not mind in their looks decline . A new survey says guys give up their appearance at age 46. Women hold out much longer making an effort until age 59. Why . Why do dudes stop caring . Men want to eat and drink whatever they want. They prefer comfort over style and dont want to spend the time necessary to look good meaning they got married. Some men havent given up and never will. That fat guy in speedos retreat. That was one of your better parties. It was. Im certain that came off your hard drive. You know it did. Jesse, since youre already talking. Will you stop caring about looking like a rad dude who just got back smoking a doobie. I will probably do that when you stop dressing like a guidance counselor. I will not do that because im here to help people. George clooney came out and says he gets scotox. Yeah, but i think he just came out. How dare you say that about clooney. Its a Beautiful Day out. He loves gay. Hes 52. He obviously still cares. Hes a homoner in italy. Hes been for a long time and you need to check out his play. Does that count about caring for your appearance . Hes gay. Youre not playing it right. Why not . Its supposed to be like youre supposed to drop off the second half of the word. It was a delayed one but i saved you. Well edit it together later. Andy, you gave up on looking good a long time ago because you have no one to impress about your cat who doesnt care how you look. They just want to be fed by you and live. Wouldnt they want to be fed by someone who looks good. In seven years when i turn 46, im sure ill stop caring. You start losing your hair. Unless your one of the few lucky white guys to look good bald, theres no point. Youre more tired when youre older. You have aches and pains. From a fashion perspective when you get older you dont need to feel as cool as much as you used to. That one is not a problem for me because ive never felt the need to be cool. That brace you wear on your arm. Absolutely. Youd be surprised. You would be surprised. Bill, you gave up caring how you look as soon as you discovered booze and drugs, so this story doesnt apply to you. The drugs havent affected my powers of observation. If only way to get it up is for the Early Bird Special at denys. Theres the guy that buys bucket load of viagra. They have the hair plugs and the botox. They have stuff that helps them work down here, they still care about whats going on over here and they still end up looks like seigfried or roy. You just stop caring. If you come across probably a plot point from american beauty but when you see a married man who has kid who is is obsessed with his looks is cheating. I think thats the wrong plot point you picked up. I think it turned out he was gay. Was he . I dont remember that. Youre thinking of the actor. Im sorry. He had an Academy Award for his performance. I think youre onto something. I thought for a second you thought of might not understand what i was doing. Nobody. They said twothirds of the people think its normal to give up caring about your appearance once your married or has a serious partner. Doesnt that cause you to cheat then more if everybody just stops caring and you have one person. You cant cheat more because you look like crap too. You make a deal that youre both going to decline. Then you have to stay together. Im kidding america. This is the saddest conversation. Also the most accurate. The next segment when we talk about pets and deaths and then cats and then parasites. Well do claws and this is a great tease. Jon gosling is back. How should you get ready for fall in jesse joyce is selling his new book. Is the war between cats and mice finally over . The story the media doesnt want you to hear. Dad. How did you get here . I dont know. [ speaking in russian ] look, look, look. You probably want to get away as much as we do. With priceline express deals, you can get a fabulous hotel without bidding. Think of the rubles youll save. With one touch, fun in the sun. I like fun. Well, that went exactly i as planned. Really . Life could be hectic. As a working mom of two young boys angies list saves me a lot of time. After reading all the reviews i know im making the right choice. Online or on the phone, we help you hire right the first time. With honest reviews on over 720 local services. Keeping up with these two is more than a full time job, and i dont have time for unreliable companies. Angies list definitely saves me time and money. For over 18 years weve helped people take care of the things that matter most. Join today. Should you rest in peace with your dead maltese. Pet cemeteries can accept the remains of owners who want to spend eternity with their beloved animals. It started with the state wouldnt accept the ashes of a former nypd officer who wished to be buried next to his dogs. People get a sense of comfort from knowing they can lie for eternity with their pe loved pet and could be loved and protected in the afterlife just as faithly as when they were alive. Lightning round. Jesse you want to be buried with that snake around your neck. I graduated to a ferret, first of all. They arecuddlier. The person that wants to be buried with his or her pet wont be found for weeks. That leads me to andy. Do you worry your cat will outlive you. Youll be on the floor struggling. The state shouldnt regulate it. As long as health codes are being followed let them be buried next to whoever they want. I can be buried on sixth avenue . No. I said if health codes are followed. Can i be buried on my front lawn . Fine with me. Ill help. What are your thoughts on this . Keep it clean. This i have nothing to say. Once im gone, im gone. It doesnt matter. I dont know why theres a law that says you cant be buried somewhere. Its stupid. However, if i die, i hope to go to kitty heaven, want to come . Sure. Kitty heaven sounds like a bar in dallas. Its pretty awesome. We have to go to kitty heaven. Theyve got these private rooms. I know a guy who can sell you beer from his truck. Kitty heaven is good bye kitty instead of hello kitty because theyre dead. Americans at home can vote by throwing something at their television. You most likely die in a Drainage Ditch in far off queens. Are you jealous these dead animals are being cared for by their loved ones. No. They will decompose and go back into the earth. He started early with the decomposition. Hes talking about how much i smell. Bill fingernails still keep growing. Coming up. Can you say this in a New Hampshire accent . The only problem i see here is from pet cemetery. The thing that drives me nuts is there are people when they are passed away their their pets euthanized. Scientists say parasite makes mice no longer afraid of cats. It can only are reproduce within the feline dput. Its figured out way to get out there by infecting mice and making them fearless of cats. It first effects the jerries of the world and make them lose their fear of cat urine and top pops by to make an easy meal of the clueless rodent. Whats the story about the giant the thing. The troy. Trojan horse. In fair everything is giants to you. The giant fire hydrant, greg. Snow white an the seven dwarves. Whos afraid of those enormous smurfs. All right im small. The cats must be terrified. The cat is a trojan horse. As the only person with a background on this panel, it takes away fear of cats and rodents. What they found out is the lack of fear remains even after the traces are gone m may have rewired the braen. Thats interesting to people who are listening. A lot of cat goners will take this parasite and they no longer are bothered by the swell of the cat urine. Ive been using it as moisturizers. How can we use the cat an mouse metaphor. As a writer im distraught. I view th