others. that can come across in all sorts of ways. >> you get it back. during my mom's illness actually on a day-to-day basis will stop people in the streets who are perfect strangers in the middle of new york city mfis see a woman who really clearly looks great and might be the only person that tells her she looks amazing that they, i try to stop and just help people if i think that they need help. you get it back or even a hundredfold in terms of how that makes you feel on the inside. be competitive with yourself. that way you still have strong relationships. >> you and i were joking before but it is this idea that you can compete with integrity with kindness, you can also have the dissipation of being a victor. >> growing up i can count on one hands how many times they say