[ theme music ] stephanie hello current tv land. Hour number 1. Jacki schechner good morning. Stephanie as we know jim ward yesterday missed hot brie in the studio, and wonder woman. I know it was really not a good day for him to choose stephanie one of our listeners suggested that we put hot bries stripper pole in here and you do the news wait. Wait. Stephanie it has been suggested that we send a taxi for you. So you put the pole in there, i do the news here and it all comes together in jims head. [ laughter ] stephanie and now here she is, her hotness, Jacki Schechner. Good morning, everybody. Today is the start of the conclave to pick the next pope. The 115 cardinals attended mass this morning. Now they will head to the sistine chapel. Thats when we Start Playing pope or no pope. The first signs of smoke should come up from the chapel chimney around 3 00 am eastern time. Black smoke means no pope white smoke means the cardinals have chosen the next leader. The vatican will be prepared for a new pope but it is not likely to happen right away. A cardinal needs a twothirds majority to become the next pope. New york city man on big sugary drinks is not going into effect today as anticipated. A state Supreme Court judge struck it down yesterday calling it arbitrary and capricious but the mayor says he is confident he can win on appeal. He depended his position saying he has the right to do what is right in order to save lives. And paul ryan is unveiling his latest Budget Proposal today, although it is sort of comic call to take it even remotely serious. He says he can balance the budget in ten years, but his Budget Proposal takes into contract the idea of a medicare voucher program, it also assumes the repeal of the Affordable Care act, something that is not going to happen. Were back with more show after the break. Stay with us. Billy zane stars in barabbas. Coming in march to reelz. To find reelz in your area, go to reelz. Com youre invited to take the lysol wipes challenge. Try lysol dual action wipes and see the cleaning power. Lysol dual action wipes have 2 sides instead of one. A scrubbing side that cleans tough stains better than clorox. And a smooth side for everyday touchups. All while killing 99. 9 of germs. Take the lysol wipes challenge today. Available at walmart. [ theme music ] announcer ladies and gentlemen, its the Stephanie Miller show im walking on sunshine woe ho im walking on sunshine its time to feel good hey all right now, its time to feel good stephanie iran wants to sue all of hollywood. Yeah. Stephanie awesome. Lets get the lawyer for hollywood on the line. That is adorable. Stephanie iran wants to sue hollywood over argo. Somebody get the lawyer for hollywood on the line. [ laughter ] why is he wearing rags and lying on the grass and drinking tequila out of a bottle. Stephanie not that we dont take your threat of a lawsuit seriously. [ Phyllis Diller laughter ] stephanie as george w. Bush would say, bring it on. Charlie pierce of esquire. Com will be here. Jim ward is back. [ applause ] stephanie you missed Melissa Fitzgerald and wonder woman. She was awesome. Stephanie she said something very indelicate i forget what it was, but it was awesome. [ explosion ] stephanie all right. Stephaniemiller. Com the website. Sexy liberal the Securities Exchange commission website. Steph and mooks i was exiting a car wash when someone honked at me, i thought wth, i saw a girl laughing and giving me a thumbs up, i realized she was giving me the thumbs up for my sexy liberal bumper sticker. Go ahead, laugh out loud in your cubicle. Its the Stephanie Miller show. Up in here. Stephanie up in here. Right . Totally. And you know where it is going to be up in next month . Yeah. Hey, i heard some real great news today on the Stephanie Miller show, you know that gorgeous hunk of a man, chris . Well he is coming to the sexy liberal tour show too. Oh, you dont say. Sexy liberals where theres a sea of sexy liberals everywhere. With Stephanie Miller and hal sparks, John Fugelsang are going to meet up with you too i am so excited i might even shave my legs. You bet ya. Meet them sexy liberals meet the sexy liberals and have a good time Stephanie Miller sexy liberal comedy tour is making its way to the midwest. Yes, chicago here they come. Theres a party over there april 13th in chicago stephanie yay Stephanie Hal sparks will be filling in for us while were on vacation next week and Jacki Schechner will be in studio. I didnt know that. Stephanie its probably a good idea that you do now. I should probably let my replacement know that. Stephanie thats right. We dont talk unless were on the air. We barely speak during the break breaks. No, thats not true we talk about really inappropriate things during the break. That are not for air although realways forget about this microphone that goes back to the current tv studio. They are probably writing a book about us now. Please be kind courtney. Stephanie please. I love the paul ryan stuff. Charlie pierce wrote some great stuff. That was not even a 360 it was a 720. Stephanie he ran, what against the cuts in obama and then he is using that savings in his new budget [ scoobydoos huh . ] [ scoobydoos huh . ] [ scoobydoos huh . ] stephanie and then the tax hike in the fiscal cliff [ scoobydoos huh . ] stephanie and then he ran [ scoobydoos huh . ] stephanie okay. Wow wee he is a serious thoughtful, bold and courageous im looking at an ad of his face, and it says this is for brine kill immediate or paul ryan, i cant brain today. I have the dumb. Thats brian kilmeade. Yeah. [ applause ] love it. Stephanie where did the sun go . Where did the bright thing go . Its dark oh, no, now its light again. Stephanie he is startled by everything we have decided. Some people have an overstartled response. I bet ya Gretchen Charleston does this every morning awe and makes him flinch every time. Yeah. I would be scared of Gretchen Charleston too, though. Stephanie so who is excluded from the cpac now pam gellar. She is not invited to play in any of their reindeer games. And she said they are enforcing sharia. [ laughter ] stephanie can you have john mccain and his southern bell Lindsey Graham in a fullon war with rand pall and Rush Limbaugh and sean hannity on one side now with put ine and i dont know whatever. Atlas jug said essentially they are enforcing the sharia. Rocky Mountain Mike just lunged to the keyboard. Under the sharia you cannot offend israel. Thats effectively what they are doing. Thats right, pam dont let them treat youlike that. This is a cpac National Show down. Thursday through saturday nra sanctioned its the annual cpac National Showdown. Speaking at over 200 Miles Per Hour obama derangement syndrome [ inaudible ]. Thursday through saturday come see newt the snake Gingrich Mitch the turtle Mcconnell Marco big gulp rubio. [ inaudible ] and bitch face cantor. The guy with gun money law pierre. Looking for a story about a man named jeb bush. Paul ryan from the munsters. The annual cpac national. Thursday through saturday mitt romney requests that you not bring your camera [ laughter ] by the way you cant take the [ inaudible ]. Stephanie you cannot. That was a joke from 1972. Johnny car son. Oh, never right. Stephanie lets dive into the rightwing world. [ circus music ] stephanie bill oreilly. Interesting watching the antifox media try to exploit the shootout i had with alan combs last week. These hacks tried to diminish me and this network. To quote Bernard Goldberg spitballs at a battleship. But it brought at attention to the irresponsible spending on the part of the federal government. The reason i got angry with alan combs who will be on the program tomorrow, is that he refused to acknowledge president obamas baum refusal to cut federal programs but he is cut he is cutting federal programs white house. Gov. Stephanie thats helpful. Shut up you are a liar shut up stephanie you know what his problem is doing it live. It seems to make him angry. Vodka makes you angry, doing it live seems to make him angry. This thing sucks stephanie thats mean. It will be interesting to see alan back tonight. Stephanie shawn anti. President obama and his main treatment media need a reality check because they have gotten out of control with their comments. Stephanie really. They have gotten well out of control with their comments. Stephanie yeah. That crazy liberal, obama loving main stream media. Glenn beck the crazy uncle from the basement. Hes talking about cutting the money for the states thats not to help the deficit, thats to collapse the medical system as we know it so everybody can be rushed into one single payer program. I wish that were true. Stephanie if only. If only anything they said in rightwing world was true. When the president you know presented the Health Care Bill he said this is to collapse the medicare system in america as we know it. Thats my plan. Wow, im winded halfway through. Seventeen minutes after the hour. Right back on the Stephanie Miller show. This is too good to be true. Of course its real. Announcer its the Stephanie Miller show. In brookside chocolate a world of remarkable tastes comes together. Rich, dark chocolate meets sweetened soft centers flavored with exotic fruit juices, like pomegranate goji with raspberry, and acai with blueberry. Its chocolate like youve never experienced it before. And it comes from a place called brookside. Discover brookside. I think the number one thing that viewers like about the young turks is that were honest. They can question whether im right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us. Running and running and running and running and running and running and running and running and everybody, everybody, get into announcer Stephanie Miller. Some on, get some come on get some lets get it started lets get it started in here uhhuh lets get it started in here in here. Stephanie yeah, Stephanie Miller show up in here. Twentytwo minutes after the hour. Anthony in vegas. Caller thank for taking my call. Just wanted to talk about this sequestration, one point i never really hear democrats or republicans really champion is the fact that we have, i believer over 700 to 900 military bases in over 130 countries throughout the world, and it is often used as the guise as saying were at war with radical muslim and i think its ridiculous especially with the fact that the majority of our stuff comes from china and the country where we get the majority of oil from is saudi arabia. So who are we really at war with . Stephanie not to mention, in terms of nukes we have enough to blow the world up more than 17 times over. Yeah. Stephanie so although i was suppose go on cnn yesterday. These cuts are dumb the way they are done. I believe they are telling the marines not to shoot so much. Just conserve. And like the president said and republicans have agreed they are dumb. The way these cuts are done. All right. I think im going on today you never tell me these things so i can alert the social media. Stephanie thats what you would expect. Ill be on aaron burnet today . You are on Aaron Burnett huh . I bet you are. Stephanie all right. [ inaudible ]. I think we have reached a point in the country where we are all sick and tired of the way the administration is going around blowing people to kingdom come while sitting in their living rooms because of a suspicion they might be im talking about americans. Just last week my neighbor was blown away during a chicken barbecue by his pool. Of all of the issues were looking at this is the most ridiculous and absurd. So he is taking rand paul to task. Stephanie i see he is making a lighthearted joke about having his neighbor being blown up while barbecuing chicken. We have never found of example that that wasnt true for, his humor. Stephanie you can tell by their chuckly tone jim. Blown to bits. [ explosion ] it was great. Hah hah hah psych got ya. Stephanie okay. Sorry had a little war gasm. Who is this helen alvare. Yes. Stephanie theres no question the constitution does not text wally have a right to samesex marriage. There is no question it has been banned we only have a few states allowing it now. To say it is a constitutional right would be ridiculous, and i dont think they want to be fighting for it over the next 40 years. We love you, we dont discriminate you as gay and lesbian people in the future but marriage is just not in the cards. There is nothing in the constitution that says that straight people have a right to get married too. Stephanie thats right. I swear to got i thought that was that saturday night live skit of, oh hot mic. Its not in the cards for you gays. Oh, hot mic, sorry. I got to hear that again. This is helen hi im helen, ummm. Theres no question the constitution does not text wally have a right to samesex stephanie the music is too hot yeah. To states a constitutional right would be ridiculous. And i dont think they want to be writing over it for the next 40 years. We love you. We dont discriminate you as gay and lesbian people god willing in the future but marriage is not in the cards. Were going to need to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage b. We have some new people coming in and we need all the space we can get. Stephanie not in the cards for you gays. Oh, im sorry, what chris is playing the role of the [ inaudible ]. Thats right. Stephanie twentyseven minutes after the hour and also its not in the cards for you stephanie its not in the cards for you gays you are blinding me with the blow sticks stop it stephanie i bet the engineer is gay and he hates her. He is just trying to drown her out. So she just starts shouting louder and louder probably never occurs to her to turn it down i hate gays [ laughter ] its hard to be patronizing like that when they are talking loud. Stephanie im doing some reconnaissance to find out if her engineer is gay. Theres a lot of stuff that is not in the constructionitution. Stephanie yes. Im sorry it is not in the control for you, controlling the plains. [ shouting ] stephanie now pat robinson. Nothing is impossible with god. The other day the lord gave me the word that somebody was getting a million dollars. I talked to a businessman a couple of days ago. He said im just getting a check for 1. 1 million from bp unexpected. His expect went down at a particular point in time in the gulf, and they were paying off everybody that had a different income god knows. God does it all. Stephanie you know how that happened . That wasnt god that was barack obama that got the settlement from bp. Oh, that. Stephanie oh, god sent me a check stephanie is everybody here gay [ laughter ] stephanie right back on the Stephanie Miller show. Woohoo Woohoo Woohoo to the fire. Are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night . Is this personal or is it political . A lot of my work happens by doing the things that i am given to doing anyway. Staying in tough with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. Not only does senator rubio just care about rich people but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. But we do care about them, right . Vo the war room tonight at 6 eastern announcer Stephanie Miller. You are terrible. You have got no rhythm no coordination, i have seen two epileptics share a bowl of noodles with more grace. What is wrong with you . Stephanie what . Did you not hear my page . Stephanie have a paging system . Yes. Stephanie who knew. Why wasnt i told. Thirtyfour minutes after the hour. What i said when i was drunk stephanie you were still trying to drown me out with your passive aggressive music. This hour brought to you by therabreath. Pop a great tasting mint lozenge to stop dry mouth fast. Are you okay . Where were you . Stephanie none of your business. Okay. Stephanie mike you are on the Stephanie Miller show. Caller good morning, guys. The whole country is starting to feel like me as a black man walking through some suburb in the atlanta area. Well being suspect because of who he have a president in my eye. And thats why they are doing it. And [ inaudible ] is a mother who sacrificed his son for her country who cant get health care. They should be able to get health care because of the sacrifices they have made. Stephanie yep, you are right. Hey, mike, i think were going to do a Health Care Corner today. Oh, good. Stephanie listen [ world news tonight theme ] stephanie we just finished rightwing world, you wonder why they are fighting for some things with the sequestration they dont care about. White house tours are like binky. We have had real people call that have feeling the real effects of this sequester. Remember the two guys that gave us the white house tour stephanie yes, thank god we got ours. One of them is still in school and getting Tuition Assistance from the air force and that has suddenly been cut off, and now he has to pay out of pocket. So feeling for ya. Stephanie i know. Anyway sean hannity and eric bowling have offered 140,000 to keep white house tours open. Priorities much . Stephanie yeah. After the Obama Administration has temporarily suspended them due to automatic budget cuts. President obama was trying to stick it to rank and file congressman because they had the ability to promise tours to their constituents. Okay. During thursdays broadcast of the five, eric bowling offe