Transcripts For CSPAN 2016 White House Correspondents Association Dinner 20160501

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bonds are so the agreements get changed. in particular, the bondholders who thought they had the full faith and credit of the territory securing their debt and what they are owed now being consumed by congress as well. that is a big part of the debate right now. jason: it is important to note that it is not just hedge funds in new york and connecticut the whole credit on these. these are some very small mom and pop credit unions in puerto rico that are responsible or have had their credit extended. that gets into how complicated it is getting. susan: congressman laid down a dire scenario that if nothing is done in a timetable, congress can find a way to act on it. thank you for being on "newsmakers" this week. >> thank you. >> independent media is the oxygen of a democracy. it is holding those in power accountable. we are not there to serve some sort of corporate agenda. when we cover war and peace. we are not brought to you by the weapons manufacturer. >> tonight on q&a, journalist amy goodman talks about the book she has co-authored, democracy "democracy now." >> the idea starting 20 years ago has not changed, bringing out the voices of the people in the grassroots and the united states and around the world and they very much represent a majority of the people. people who are concerned deeply about war and peace and the growing equality in this country, climate change, the fate of the planet are not a fringe minority, not a silent majority -- but a silent majority. silence by the corporate media which is why we have to take it back. >> the white house correspondents association held its annual dinner last night bringing together celebrities, politicians, and members of the media. the dinner has been attended each year by president obama and the first lady. the president took the opportunity to poke fun at himself and some of those in attendance. his remarks were followed by comedian larry will more who was the featured entertainer that evening. [applause] we have a couple of special guests here tonight. this is the first time in the last eight years that vice president joe biden is attending our dinner. [applause] >> the vice president is here with his daughter ashley. i cance president confidently say on behalf of all white house reporters that we appreciate how much news you have given us over the last eight years. is caps aside we know this been a difficult year for you and your family and we appreciate your presence here tonight. thank you. [applause] robinsonrs ago frankie became the first african-american entertainer to appear at the white house correspondents dinner. this piano playing prodigy was seven years old. 1946.e is in mr. frank robinson, welcome back. would you please stand? [applause] >> i want to acknowledge some people who have been helpful to me and to the white house correspondents association. julia winston, thank you for everything you do. many thanks to our lawyer, george lehner. the journalists on this stage have been strong advocates for our press corps day in and day out, at the white house not only doing their job reporting, but you will find them in josh earnest's office arguing that it event should be open to the press or that the president should take more questions. we do this because the more access the journalists have, the better informed the public will be. [applause] we also need the support of others. i am grateful to the wall street journal for the opportunity to cover the white house, particularly our washington bureau chief and our editor-in-chief, jerry baker. [applause] >> my family is here, many thanks to them -- especially my parents and my son, hudson, probably upstairs ordering room service. i would like to thank my other family, the white house press corps. i moved to washington eight years ago from a small newspaper in florida to cover the white house. i have had the pleasure to work alongside some of the smartest, funniest, kindest, and weirdest people i know. you know who you are. we are competitors but we collaborate. we speak the same weird language, we spend more time with each other than with our colleagues at our news organizations, and often times more than our own families. as member -- if members of the white house press corps could please stand. i want to thank you for the work that you do which i admire, and for just being her quirky, -- being your quirky, entertaining, fun, dedicated selves. thank you. [applause] carol: obviously, this is president obama's last dinner white house correspondents dinner while in office. mr. president, being the enterprising reporters that we are, we wanted to give you something you can turn to have to you leave the white house and you miss having this around to record your every move. thank you to gillian hughes and major garrett for putting this together. let's take a look. >> the white house correspondents association knows eight years of a presidency cannot be condensed into eight minutes or less and we will leave the legacy stuff to the press office. here we go. >> today, after all of the votes have been tallied, health insurance reform becomes law in the united states of america -- been announcing that the american combat mission in iraq has ended. the united states has conducted an operation that has killed osama bin laden, the leader of al qaeda -- >> today, the first government shutdown in 17 years is now over -- >> today i begin a new effort to fix as much of our immigration system as i can on my own. >> today, the united states of america is changing its relationship with the people of cuba. americaecause negotiated from a position of strength and principle, we have stopped this part of nuclear weapons in this region. >> but it hasn't all been a smooth ride. ♪ [cheering] >> we cannot sustain -- whoops. was that my -- ? sorry about that, guys. >> it hasn't all been smooth talk. >> ♪ smooth operator >> israel is a strong friend of israel -- john mccain has not talked about my muslim faith and you are absolutely right -- my christian faith -- >> on this memorial day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes, and i think many of them are in the audience here today -- >> when aretha told us what r-e-s-p-c-t -- >> thank you, sioux cities -- sioux falls -- thank you sioux city. long.een in iowa too >> i just want to be clear -- >> i want to be absolutely clear -- >> let me be clear -- >> let me just be clear -- >> let me be as clear as i can be. >> ♪ it's going to be a bright, sun-shining day ♪ >> you were not so clear on who was who. >> first of all -- >> it is not -- but you are saying tim. >> i completely understand. >> it is david today -- >> and then there was me. >> i have not looked at the latest polling around the world, i do not know, garrett. no, garrett. >> when even fashion choices are scrutinized, including this one. >> critics some did up and two words, mom jeans, a sweet pair of mom jeans. nice mom jeans, obama. >> you will always have the audacity -- >> we should be addressing the country on such a serious matter and he looks like he is on his way to a party at the hamptons -- >> and scrutiny knows no borders. ♪ >> from the broadcasters, assume the microphone is always on. >> ♪ this is why i'm hot ♪ >> he seems like a jackass. >> [indiscernible] >> president play games and you, mr. president have game, even when you don't. you have a way of shaking it off. >> ♪ shake it off, shake it off ♪ >> mr. president, tell us how you really feel. >> ♪ hey! ho! >> ♪ baby it's alright! ♪ [applause] carol: mr. president, we appreciate your decision to attend this dinner every year. it shows that even if we do not always agree on our access, we have a shared commitment to a free press. ladies and gentlemen, please raise a glass for what is, by tradition, our only toast of the evening, to the president of the united states. [cheering] carol: mr. president, the podium is yours. [applause] >> ♪ you are going to miss me when i'm gone ♪ [laughter] pres. obama: you can't say it, but you know it's true. [laughter] good evening, everybody. it is an honor to be here at my last and perhaps the last white house correspondents dinner. [laughter] you all look great. the end of the republic has never looked better. [laughter] i do apologize -- i know i was a little late tonight. i was running on cpt. which stands for "jokes that white people should not make." [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: that's a tip for you, jeff. anyway. here we are. my eighth and final appearance at this unique event. i am excited. if this material works well, i am going to use it at goldman sachs next year. [laughter] [applause] tubmans.some seriou that's right, that's right. my brilliant and beautiful wife michelle is here tonight. [applause] pres. obama: she looks so happy to be here. [laughter] pres. obama: that is called practice. it's like learning to do three-minute planks and she makes it look easy now, but next year, this time, someone else will be standing here in this very spot. it is anybody's guess who she will be, but -- [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: standing here, i cannot help but be reflective. a little sentimental. eight years ago, i said it was time to change the tone of our politics. in hindsight, i clearly should have been more specific. [laughter] pres. obama: eight years ago, i was a young man. full of idealism and vigor. and look at me now. i am gray, grizzled, counting down the days. until my death panel. [laughter] pres. obama: hillary once questioned whether i would be ready for 3:00 a.m. phone calls. now i am awake anyway, because i have to go to the bathroom. [laughter] pres. obama: i'm up. in fact, somebody said to me, mr. president, you are so yesterday. justin trudeau has completely replaced you. he is so handsome, so charming, he is the future. i said, justin, give it a rest. [laughter] pres. obama: i resented that. meanwhile, michelle has not aged a day. [applause] the only way you can date her in photos is by looking at me -- take a look. here we are in 2008. here we are a few years later. and this one is from two weeks ago. [laughter] pres. obama: so, time passes. in just six months, i will be officially a lame duck. which means congress now will flat-out reject my authority, and republican leaders will not take my phone calls. and this is going to take some getting used to. it is a curveball. i don't know what to do with it. [laughter] pres. obama: of course, in four months, congressional republicans have been saying there are things i cannot do in my final year. unfortunately, this dinner was not one of them. [laughter] pres. obama: but, on everything else, it is another story. and you know who you are, republicans. i think we've got tim scott and cory gardner in the house. which reminds me, security, bar the doors. judge merrick garland come on , out. we are going to do this right here, right now. [applause] pres. obama: like the red wedding. [laughter] pres. obama: it is not just congress. some foreign leaders have been looking ahead, anticipating my departure. last week, prince george showed up to our meeting in his bathrobe. that was a slap in the face. [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: a clear breach of protocol. although, while in england, i had lunch with her majesty the queen. i took in a performance of shakespeare, hit the links with david cameron. just in case anybody is debating whether i am black enough, i think that settles the debate. [laughter] pres. obama: i will not lie -- look, this is a tough transition, it is hard. key staff are starting to leave the white house. even reporters have left me. savannah guthrie left to host "the today show." nora o'donnell left to host "cbs this morning." jay favreau left journalism to join cnn. [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: the prospect of leaving the white house is a mixed bag. you might have heard that somebody jumped the white house fence last week, but i have to give secret service credit, they found michelle and brought her back. she is safe back at home now. [laughter] pres. obama: only nine more months, baby. settle down. [laughter] somehow, despite all of this, in my final year, my approval ratings keep going up. [applause] pres. obama: the last time i was this high, i was try to decide on my major. [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: here is the thing -- i haven't really done anything differently. even my aides cannot explain the rising poll numbers. what has changed? nobody can figure it out. [laughter] pres. obama: puzzling. anyway. in this last year, i do have more appreciation for those who have been with me on this ride. like one of our finest public servants, joe biden. [applause] god bless him. love that guy. i love joe biden -- i really do. i want to thank him for his friendship, his counsel, for always giving it to me straight. for not shooting anybody in the face. [laughter] pres. obama: thank you, joe. let's give it up for our host, larry wilmore. [applause] also known as one of the two black guys who is not jon stewart. you are the south african guy, right? i love larry. and his parents are here, who are from evanston, which is a great town. i also would like to acknowledge some of the award-winning reporters who we have with us here tonight. rachel mcadams, mark ruffalo, liev schreiber. thank you all for everything you have done. i am just joking. as you know, "spotlight" is a movie about investigative journalists with the resources and the autonomy to chase down the truth and all the powerful -- and hold the powerful accountable. the best fantasy film since "star wars." [laughter] pres. obama: that was maybe a cheap shot. i understand the news business is tough his days, he keeps -- tough these days. it keeps changing all the time. every year, somebody makes a joke about buzzfeed changing the media landscape. every year the washington post laughs a little bit less hard. [scattered laughter] pres. obama: kind of silent there. especially at the washington post table. reince priebus is here as well. glad to see that you feel that you have earned the night off. congratulations on all of your success. the republican party, the nomination process, it is all going great. keep it up. [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: kendall jenner is also here. we had a chance to meet backstage at her and she seems like a very nice young woman. i am not exactly sure what she does? i am told that my twitter mentions are about to go through the roof. [laughter] pres. obama: helen mirren is here tonight. [applause] pres. obama: i don't even have a joke, i just think helen mirren is awesome. [applause] [cheering] pres. obama: she is awesome. sitting at the same table, mike bloomberg. [applause] pres. obama: a combative controversial new york billionaire, is leading the gop primary and it is not you. [laughter] pres. obama: that has to sting a little bit. although it is not an entirely fair comparison between you and the donald. mike was a big city mayor. he knows policy in depth, and he is actually worth the amount of money that he says he is. [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: what an election season? for example, we have the bright new face of the democratic party here tonight, mr. bernie sanders. [applause] bernie, you look like a million bucks. or, to put in terms you will understand, you look like 37,000 donations of $27 each. [laughter] pres. obama: a lot of folks have been surprised by the bernie phenomenon, especially his appeal to young people. not me, i get it. recently a young person said to me, she was sick of politicians standing in the way of her dreams. as if we were actually going to to burning man this year -- it is not going to happen. [laughter] pres. obama: bernie might let her go, not us. [laughter] i am hurt though, bernie, that you have distanced yourself for me. that's not something that you do to your comrade. [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: bernie's slogan has helped his campaign catch fire on young people. feel the bern. that is a good slogan. hillary slogan has not had the same effect. let's see this. [laughter] pres. obama: i have said how much i admire hillary's toughness, her smarts, her policy chops. her experience. you have to admit it, though. hillary trying to appeal to young voters is a little bit like your relative who just signed up for facebook. "dear america, did you get my poke? is it appearing on your wall? i am not sure i am using this right. love, aunt hillary." it is not entirely persuasive. meanwhile, on the republican side, things are a little more -- how shall we say this? a little more loose. just look at the confusion over the invitations to tonight's dinner. guests had to check whether they wanted steak or fish, but instead, a whole bunch of you wrote in paul ryan. [laughter] pres. obama: that is not an option, people. steak or fish. you may not like steak or fish, but that is your choice. [laughter] pres. obama: meanwhile, some candidates are not polling high enough to qualify for their own joke tonight. [laughter] pres. obama: the rules were well-established ahead of time. and then there is ted cruz. ted had a tough week. he went to indiana -- hoosier country, stood on a basketball court, and called the hoop a basketball ring. [laughter] pres. obama: what else is in his lexicon? baseball sticks? football hat? but sure, i am the foreign one. [laughter] [cheering] let me conclude on a more serious note. i want to thank the washington press corps. i want to thank carol for that you do. the free press is central to our democracy -- nah, i am just kidding. you know i am going to talk about trump. c'mon! [laughter] [applause] we weren't just going to stop there, c'mon. [laughter] pres. obama: although i am a little hurt he is not here tonight. we had so much fun the last time. and it is surprising, you have a room full of reporter, celebrities, cameras, and he says no. is this dinner too tacky for the donald? what could he possibly be doing instead? is he at home eating a trump steak? tweeting insults to angela merkel? what is he doing? [laughter] pres. obama: the republican establishment is incredulous that he is their most likely nominee -- incredulous, shocking. they say donald lacks foreign-policy experience to be president. in fairness, he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world -- miss sweden, miss argentina, miss azerbaijan. [laughter] pres. obama: and there is one area where donald's experience could be invaluable, closing guantanamo. because trump knows a thing or do about running waterfront properties into the ground. [laughter] [applause] pres. obama: alright, that is probably enough -- i mean, i've got more material -- no, no. [cheering] pres. obama: i don't want to spend too much time on the donald. following your lead, i want to show some restraint. because i think we can all agree that from the start, he has gotten the appropriate amount of coverage befitting the seriousness of his candidacy. [laughter] pres. obama: i hope you are all proud of yourselves. he wanted to give his hotel business a boost, and now we are praying that cleveland makes it through july. [laughter] hmm, hmm, hmm. [laughter] pres. obama: hmm. as for me and michelle, we have decided to stay in d.c. for a couple more years. this is where our youngest daughter can finish high school, and michelle can stay closer to her plot of carrots. she's making plans to see them everyday. [laughter] pres. obama: our decision has actually presented a dilemma because traditionally, presidents do not stick around after they are done. it is something i have been brooding about a little bit. take a look. >> the obamas are staying for two years after they leave office -- >> about to go from commander in chief to couch commander -- pres. obama: what am i going to do in d.c. for two years? v.p. biden: you have a real dilemma, mr. president. which do you like better, these are these? pres. obama: they are the same. joe, i need to focus here. v.p. biden: mr. president, you have to be practical. you are going to need a license. you love sports. what don't volunteer and work for one of the teams? pres. obama: i understand you are looking for some coaching help. let's just say i coached my daughter's team a few times. hello? hello? >> 44? pres. obama: finally. i'm going to be in d.c. for a while and i thought i would take up driving again. >> what is the name? pres. obama: barack hussein obama. >> since you don't have a drivers license you will need a , birth certificate. pres. obama: really? it is real. >> is it? pres. obama: it's real. michele left her phone. she's got snapchat. >> obamacare is great and it is really working, sign up now. >> michelle obama in hot water after posting this video earlier today. >> [pitch-shifted] obamacare is great and it is really working. sign up now. [laughter] pres. obama: did it get a lot of use? >> why don't you just talk to someone who's been through this? soul cycle.o to seoul pres. obama: she's right. i know i need to talk to. it's barack. can we get together? that is a great move. >> yeah. [applause] pres. obama: any advice for me? advice?ou want my stop sending all these linkedin requests. you got all the time in the world to figure this out. it can just be you for a while. if you know how to do that again. pres. obama: i can just be me. i can wear my mom jeans in peace. >> yesterday i had a beer at 11:30 in the morning. you know mcdonald's serves breakfast all day long. michele will be at spin class. you will be able to walk right out of the oval office singing. [laughter] >> plenty of time to work on your tan. grand bargainthe on a sweet chevy tahoe. [laughter] his 347th round of golf for the year. and it is totally great. not a problem for anybody. >> i can't think of a care to -- a reason to care. i've tried. [applause] pres. obama: there you go. i am still waiting for all of you to respond to my request on linkedin. i know you have jobs to do which is what brings us here tonight. i know that there are times that we have had differences. that is inherent in our institutional roles. that's true of every president and his press corps. we always share the same goal. to root our public discourse in the truth. to open the doors of this democracy. to do whatever we can to make our country and our world more free and just. i've always appreciated the role that you have all played as equal partners in reaching these goals. our free press is why we once again recognize the real journalists who uncover the horrifying scandal and brought some measure of justice for thousands of the throughout the world. they are here with us tonight. sasha phifer, walter robinson, matt carroll, and bradley junior. [applause] pres. obama: free press is why , as carolason rezaian noted. last time this year we spoke of jason's courage as he endured the isolation of an iranian prison. this year we see that courage in the flesh. reminder of the rising level of danger and political intimidation and physical threats faced by reporters overseas. make this commitment that as long as i hold this office my administration will continue to fight for the release of american journalists held against their will and we will not stop until we -- until they see the same freedom. at home and abroad, journalists, like all of you, engage in the pursuit of informing citizens and holding leaders accountable and making our government of the people possible. it is an enormous responsibility. i realize it is an enormous challenge at a time when the economics of the business sometimes incentivizes speed over depth and when controversy and conflict is what immediately attracts viewers. the good news is, there's so many of you pushing against those trends and as a citizen of this great democracy i am grateful for that. this is also a time around the world when some of the fundamental ideals of liberal democracies are under attack and when notions of objectivity and free press and fact and evidence are trying to be undermined. in some cases ignored entirely. and such a climate, it is not enough to give people a megaphone. that is why your power and responsibility is more important than ever. whatever is true does not -- taking a stand on what is true does not require you shedding your objectivity. in fact, it is the essence of good journalism. it affirms the idea that the only way we can build consensus, the only way we can move forward as a country, the only way we can help the world amended -- help the world mend itself is by agreeing on a baseline of fact when it comes to the challenges that face us all. this night is a testament to all of you have devoted your life to that. to push, to shine a light on truth every day. i want to close my final white house correspondents' dinner by saying thank you. i am very proud of what you have done. it has been an honor and privilege to work side-by-side with you to strengthen our democracy. and with that, i just have two more words to say. obama out. [cheers and applause] >> thank you, mr. president. when i met larry wilmore he told me it's his dream come true to follow the president at the white house correspondents dinner. he is the house of the nightly show on comedy central and it is our pleasure to welcome him tonight. ladies and gentlemen, larry wilmore. [applause] larry: thank you. thank you very much. thank you for keeping that applause going all the way. i appreciate that. welcome to negro night here at -- [laughter] larry: two thugs disrupt elegant dinner in d.c., as fox news would report it. nice to be here though at the white house correspondents dinner. they're going to college next aar, donald trump presents luxurious evening hosted by mexico. it is an absolute honor to be here tonight. i want to thank the president, the first lady. the correspondents association for hiring me and mitch mcconnell for not blocking my nomination. seriously, you have to give mr. mcconnell credit. this one, he could block lebron james. a little bit about me, i am a black man who replaced a white man who pretended to be eight tv -- pretended to be a tv newscaster. in that way lester holden and -- lester holt and i have a lot in common. but i have to admit, it is not easy to follow the president. you've got some jokes, mr. president. the president is funny. stay in your lane, man. you don't see me going around presidenting all the time. passing health care, signing executive orders, not closing guantanamo. oh wait, maybe i did do that. but i have to say, it is great. it looks like you are really enjoying your last your the presidency. sorry hanging out with nba players like steph curry golden , state warriors. that was cool. trying to make sense because -- kind of makes sense because both of you like raining down bombs on people from long distances. speaking of drones, how is wolf blitzere -- how is wolf still on television? i am ready to project tonight possible winner anyone in here , in the situation room? [boos] larry: sorry, i like wolf. vice president joe biden is here. i hear he is moving back to delaware. he won't have to answer any difficult questions like, hey don't i know you from somewhere? but i have to say about the first lady, it is so nice to have dinner with you. she is the academy of grace, poise.and isn't she? she really is. not to be confused with future first gentleman bill clinton, his three favorite strippers are named grace, class, and boys. poise. let me just say, mr. president, the office has taken its toll on you. you look terrible, mr. president. no, you do. look at you. your hair is so white it tried to punch me at a trump rally. the president's here is so white, he keeps saying, all lives matter. all right, fine. i get it. i get it. no, man, you came in here looking like denzel washington. you are going out looking like grady from sanford and son. i know it's a dated reference but you are dated, mr. president. all i am saying is that in less than eight years, mr. president, you busted time-honored two stereotypes. blacks do crack. and apparently, once you do black it looks like we are going back. thanks, ben carson. i have to be careful picking on you, mr. president, a couple years ago during this dinner you were killing osama bin laden. who are you killing tonight? ,annot be printed journalism that industry has been dead for a while now, right? to just kidding, shout out the print media. you have to shout, they are all over 70. that follow-up was nice, wasn't it? blacblack lives matter is here tonight. relax, white people. it was a joke. just relax. i am impressed with the people in this room. there are so many rich, powerful people in this room. it is nice to finally match the names to the faces in the penama panama papers. it is nice. it is nice to see them together. samantha is here from the upcoming movie "suicide squad." not to be confused with the new jeb bush documentary, "suicide watch." anthony anderson is here from the hit show "blackish." which was also my nickname in high school. that is what they called you, in kenya too didn't they mr. , president? c-span is carrying tonight's in our live which is ironic because most of the viewers are not. it is true, guys. c-span is the number one network among people who died watching tv and no one found that met -- and no one found them yet. no, but it is good to be on c-span. i am glad i am not on your rival station, "no input hdmi-1." that was for me. cnn is you tonight. i have been watching cnn a long time. i used to watch it back when it was a news network. is all cnn here tonight? i don't know about you guys, but i cannot get enough of that cnn countdown clock. now we can see exactly when they hit zero in the ratings. [boos] larry: and not to throw any shade but fox news network is the highest rated network among viewers who do not know what "shade" means. fox news tried to convince america that jabryonce was anti-cop. at the most she is anti-pants. secretly likess beyonce. a just renamed the kelly file becky with the good hair. lemonade? lemonade, mr. president? ok. msnbc here tonight. which actually now stands for "missing a significant number of lack correspondents." they fired melissa harris perry. they booted vtoure. i heard they put chris hayes on probation because they thought he was related to isaac hayes. that is wrong. msnbc got rid of so many black people, i thought boko haram was running that network. what is going on? i should say, some of america's finest black journalists are here tonight. don lemon is here, too. hey, don. how's it going? alleged journalist don lemon, everybody. al sharpton i think was here tonight. i am surprised al is a hillary supporter. you do not put a relaxer in your hair for 40 years and not feel the bern. it.ike i did was against harriett tubman replacing andrew jackson the 20-dollar bill. he said.at i'm just a reporter you guys. reporter mr. president. 2016 has been a beast though. mylot david bowie, prince, .avorite singer biggest thing this year has been presidential election. a campaign.ee ran chris christie was supposed to tonight. he rsvp for three, him, his wife dry cleaning.mp's chris lost a lot of weight recently. he said he just eliminated everything from his routine that his't necessary like dignity.e and is herebernie sanders tonight. i'm surprised, he usually goes to the white house early bird dinner. nice for you to come to this one this time. it.preciate a herniaecently operation. you got to stretch before you do that, senator. with bernie's sense on guns. antigun everywhere except for vermont. people inno black vermont. to give you credit, you are trying hard to get the black vote. i think it's great. bernie has been hanging around with rapper killer mike. or as hillary clinton call him, predator mike. bernie sanders gets knocked for his age. unfair. kind of it is. i will

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