President ial candidate rand paul. Thats right, yall the Tea Party Movement meets the sweet Tea Party Movement. cheers and applause lets do it, america this is the nightly show captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause audience chanting larry larry nice crowd. Appreciate it such a nice crowd. This is a crowd that really knows the meaning of life, guys. laughter that kind of crowd. I just feel its that kind of crowd. Welcome to the nightly show. Im larry wilmore. Bob saget joins me on the panel tonight. cheers and applause hes an old buddy of mine. Really great seeing him. Interesting fact if youre one of the 78 of people who watches this show from prison, this storys for you. About 6,000 inmates have been released from federal prisons as part of the change in sentencing regulations. The largest onetime release of federal prisoners over the weekend comes after the Justice Department changed punishment rules for nonviolent drug offenders. Larry thats right, over 6,000 prisoners were freed this weekend. And i think what obama is doing is great. Its about time a president did Something Like this. Sure, a lot of people will be afraid to have criminals back on the streets but these people were convicted of nonviolent crimes. Nonviolent applause thats right laughter theres nothing to be scared of. Dont those people deserve a Second Chance to regain societys trust . Right . cheers and applause what kind of monster doesnt believe in redemption . Just doesnt make sense to me. There you go. Please put this in my vault. And, uhhh, get something for yourself. applause wow. Man applause that is a lot of convicts. And if were keeping it 100, some of you are wondering is my Community Going to be overrun by prisoners . Your community is not going to be overrun with prisoners. Larry oh, okay. Whoo thanks for answering my hypothetical question, cbs local news. Hey, when you want your news and you want it local and you fell asleep watching csi cyber, trust cbs local news. The program is for lowlevel nonviolent drug offenders currently serving harsh sentences. Up to ten years. Larry now let me break this down. There was a time in america where black people were treated unfairly by the government. I know it sounds outrageous, but trust me, ask your parents, its true. Many of the penalties for drug offenses unfairly penalized those in the urban communities. For example, a person only needed five grams of crack to be charged with a felony. Whereas you would need 500 grams of cocaine for a felony charge. This is why ive always told the kids, hey, do cocaine. And stay in school. Where else are you going to learn the metric system so you can measure your damn cocaine . Just feels like a good message. laughter okay, so here to talk about his imminent release from federal prison is one of the victims of this unfair sentencing, Darnell Duvall cheers and applause mike hey larry larry so, darnell, what are you feeling . Mike larry, im so excited to get out. My cousin hooked me up with a job. Larry well thats fantastic. What are you going to be doing . Mike selling weed. Larry whoa, whoa, wait isnt that what landed you in jail in the first place . Mike yeah, but im going to be selling it legally at a dispensary in colorado cheers and applause yeah, dude mad ironical, aint it, larry . Larry absolutely. So do you feel like justice is finally being done here . Mike i dont care about justice, larry. I just want to bleep . Larry wait, wait, hold on, were on television here. Mike larry, i have not been with my wife for 20 years i dont know if i can wait to see her larry well, darnell, you dont have to wait because weve got a very special surprise for you. Please welcome, your wife, candy duvall mike oh my god, candy oh applause this is some maury level bleep , man im so happy to see you, babe holly heeeeeey im so happy to see you, too, Darnell Larry so when we contacted you, im sure you had no idea youd be talking to your husband. Holly yeah, i had no idea my husbands been wronged, larry they put him in prison for nothing mike thats my baby i cant wait to see you, boo holly you dont have to wait long. Im going to see you next month, right on schedule. Larry no, no, you dont have to wait. Hes getting out today cheers and applause today holly im sorry . Larry yeah hes getting out today mike baby, what should we do next week after were done bleep . Holly awww, bleep . Mike whats wrong, baby . Larry is everything okay . Holly larry, i thought hed never get out. He was a black man who sold weed 20 years ago i shouldnt be seeing him until 2035 i assumed i could move on with my life. Larry whoa. Mike moved on . Holly ive got three kids now mike youve got three kids . how . jordan hey babe. The volvos all warmed up, and those apples arent going to pick themselves. Whos your friend . Mike who is that . . Imma kill him larry whoa werent you a nonviolent offender . Mike im getting out for a nonviolent crime, but imma go back in for a violent one holly be well, darnell. Buhbye. Jordan namaste. Larry oof. That was awkward. Now let me introduce you to someone who desperately wants to be free and who has liberals and conservatives alike calling for the president to take action. This is sharanda jones. Sharanda has spent the last 16 years in prison, and shell die there because she was sentenced to life without parole. Her only crime transporting cocaine. And when i say only crime, i mean only crime. She had no other arrests. None. This is a one strike youre out for life situation. I mean even paul blart got two chances. Sharanda did not supply the cocaine. She did not sell it. She was a mule, transporting powder from houston to dallas. How much was she caught carrying . None. She was convicted based on the testimony of other drug dealers looking for plea bargains to avoid their own life sentences. She was charged with seven counts and acquitted of six. Using a formula that has since been overturned by the supreme court, the judge was required required to send sharanda away for life. And to be clear im not, in any way condoning what she did and by the way, neither does she. But life . If you want to put a face on the draconian drug sentencing that has ruined so many lives, look no further than sharanda jones. But while more than 6,000 federal inmates walk this week, sharanda sits. And thats not right. Well be right back. cheers and applause with pizza huts 6. 99 any deal, i can get a meat lovers and they can get all the fresh vegetables they want. No more compromise. Bring home the flavor with americas no compromise pizza deal. Get any two medium pizzas with any quality toppings, any crust, any specialty, just 6. 99 each. Only at pizza hut. Whether your car is a new car an old car a big car a small car a long car a short car a car you soup up a car you show off a car you deck out a car for the open road a car for off road a car for on the road all you have to do is plug in hum for a smarter, safer car diagnostic updates, certified mechanics hotline, pinpoint roadside assistance hum by verizon put some smarts in your car wakey, wakey little chocolate. Wicked crunch outside. Creamy real chocolate inside. Krave cereal. Chocolate chocolate. Yum yum directv is so advanced that you could put tvs anywhere without looking at cable wires and boxes in every room. How are they always one step ahead of us . Well, because their technology is far superior. Or because they have someone on the inside. Is that right, gil . Sir, i would never. Hes with them hes wearing a wire. Take off his shirt take off his shirt oh ah alright, im putting you in charge of the holiday party. vo get rid of cable and upgrade to directv. Call 1800directv. Caman thanks, captain obvious. Wouldnt stay here tonight. Captain obvious id get a deal for tonight with deals for tonight from hotels. Com. And you might want to get that pipe fixed. Larry welcome back. I am a man of simple desires. All i want is to eat soul food with every Single Person running for president. Tonight, in the soul food sitdown, im joined by kentucky senator rand paul. Im here with dr. Rand paul. Thanks for being here. Thanks for invite meg to your house for dinner. Larry whats your vision . What im for versus the others is they want power. Mr. Trump, what would he say . Im so huge, smart, rich, i can do anything. Larry he would probably call you a loser. Probably, and he would say give me more power because im so smart i can take care of it. Im a believer in the people and that you should disperse power. Larry his poll numbers are going up. There are something about the insults thats working. I know you dont want to be insulting other candidates, but i dont think there is anything wrong with going after somebodys momma. I mean, in the next debate if trump comes after you and says i dont believe rand paul should be here you slam him with your mommas so stupid. Your momma wears army boots . Larry ill give you an example. Your momma is so stupid she thinks pound cake is a vegetable . I need better material. laughter larry in the battle of surgeons, ben carson seems to be winning that battle right now. Hes a twin separator, youre an eye surgeon. Why do you think america is going for a guy who separates twins twins because thats sounds divisive. Whats the brain without eyes . Larry eyes are very important. Do you think ben carsons a Mad Scientist . I dont mean like angry, i mean, like, crazy. I call him black droopy the dog. Do you believe i could be president . laughter what is your position on guns . Are you pro guns, antiguns, more, less gun control . I guess the way to put it is the bill of rights guaranteed certain liberties. Larry right, the right to own slaves. Well, that wasnt actually in the bill of rights. Larry that was just understood. Wasnt exactly in the bill of rights. Larry you spoke at howard university. Right. Larry you and ben carson are the only republican candidates with black hair. I didnt think about that. Youre right. Larry which black Hair Products do you use . I just use water. Does that count . Larry do you use a pick or a comb . Uh. Larry would you ever consider getting a jerry curl . Im not sure what that, is i have been accused of it. Larry have you ever had one . I would like to try. Larry i can get you the activator, the gloves, chemicals, all that stuff. Next debate, you will be jerry curling down. That would knock it out of the park . Larry yes. You have good ideas for criminal justice reform. Tell me about that. I think people deserve Second Chances. I also think its a mistake to put people in jail for the most part for marijuana and other minor offenses. Im an advocate but im also not for putting people in jail for making mistakes. People make mistakes with alcohol all the time. Larry its time for keep it 100. This is a twopart question. First markets do you hate donald trump . I really love donald trump. Larry you love donald trump . Yeah, i do. I think hes hilarious. Larry this is a man who told you he didnt belong in the debate. Hes in the wrong arena now. He would be great in an arena of television. Larry youre not keeping it 100. Maybe 70. Larry if trump asked you to be his runningmate, would you . It would be an utter and absolute disaster and i would want no part of it. Larry thank you thats what im talking about thats how you keep it 100 its like the first time on n jeopardy. Larry if youre looking for someone to keep it 100, its rand paul, because hes taking a stand absolutely cheers and applause once again, thanks to senator paul for joining us. Well be right back. Ono offdays, or downtime. Ason. Opportunity is everything you make of it. This winter, take advantage of our seasons best offers on the latest generation of cadillacs. The 2016 cadillac srx. Get this lowmileage lease from around 339 per month, or purchase with 0 apr financing. Coochie, coochi, coo he so has your peanut butter. Well, hes got your jelly. Time for a feeding. No ah jam it crazy good we love, love, chocolaty, creamy, with a Little Something extra. Mmm deliciousness. Cookies or almonds. Yumminess. Hersheys is mine, yours, our chocolate. The most advanced iphone yet. Get the new iphone 6s at tmobile. The network thats doubled its lte coverage in the past year. Our new extended range lte signal now reaches twice as far as before. And is four times better in buildings. 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Total victory cheers and applause larry welcome back. Im here with my panel. First up, nightly show contributor, mike yard. Shes the cohost of the young turks on the tyt network and columnist at rawstory, ana kasparian. And he joins the cast of the tonynominated broadway play hand to god tomorrow, actor and comedian bob saget. cheers and applause and for everyone at home, join our conversation right now on twitter at nightly show using the hashtag tonightly. A lot of stuff going on but i had to talk about halloween this weekend. There were a number of so called inappropriate costumes. Social media is going crazy. For example, there was one of cosby. audience reacts caitlyn jenner, and here we have harry hamlin got in trouble for one. Okay. Its halloween. Are we mad at this . I dont like seeing a swastika except on a little kid. laughter i think the cosby thing was missing the briefcase. Youve got to have that because it has all the supplies. Larry oh, the supplies. Yeah, the stuff that larry you want the costume to be better, is what youre saying. Go big or go home. I think we have enough problems in the world we should probably not emphasize them by taking kids out well, those werent kids. Larry the kids were dressed as cosby. I think that would still be hilarious. Cosby was hilarious. Caitlyn jenner, does the guy not have an internet . Would you really put that on . If bill cosby were in prison, i think it would be clever, but hes getting away with rape. applause but there was a Pablo Escobar i found really funny. Larry the baby . Yes. Larry someone dressed up their baby as Pablo Escobar, the drug king. This is true laughter i saw that kid in times square and bought a nickel bag. The kid delivers. Larry is it okay to dress your kid as a drilling kingpin . I was mad at first but then i saw the video and i was laughi laughing. Larry are you mad if someone dresses as an infamous character . Can you be Osama Bin Laden or is that too much . What i read was what happened to the good old days when Osama Bin Laden was a monster . Well, Osama Bin Laden was a monster. I get its offensive to some people, but larry would you dress your baby as Osama Bin Laden . I personally wouldnt and i understand those who get offended by it. Larry what if the baby really, really loved Osama Bin Laden . laughter and babies love linen. laughter if youre going to dress your kid as Osama Bin Laden, you want to bring the next person next to you dressed as Bradley Cooper from american sniper so you have the combo to take out the guy. Larry so youre covered. Its cute. You get a lot of likes on facebook and comments. But what about when the kid grows up and he tries to get a job and its there laughter larry i was three years old youre not getting the job, you were three years old and making a coke deal exactly you were Pablo Escobar at three years old, cant get the job. Larry harry hamlin, i think were the sex pistols. I think they thought somehow, oh, i forgot i had a swastika on there. Come on, dude how long its been a thing youre not supposed to have . I dont think its knot i dont know nothing but i think its aztec. I think its an asian thing. Wish it would have stayed that and not be taken by a mad man. Larry baby hitler, is it okay . You mean as a premise . laughter are we talking about adult swim show . Mel brooks used to make a lot of humor out of it and were so sensitive now because theres so much damn hate. Larry he was talking about the producers, right. Yeah. Larry but the baby wouldnt be satirical. But every baby it sounds awesome. No, it does not sound awesome hitler killed 6 Million People its not cute more than that, probably, because the truth of it is laughter larry im only saying from a pure joke point of view, not from a reallife baby of hitler, which i would agree with that, but from a joke point of view if youre a comedian, i feel you get a pass because they get to joke about what they want to, but when it comes to nazi imagery, think about all the lives that were lost and no, its horrible. Thats why comedians do that. I deal with pain through gallows humor. Thats where i will end up doing my last humor, at the gallows. Larry remember that baby hitler bit. Ill give you an example, people getting a black face, wrong, right . A lot of white people would love to get in black face. Can we give them an exception on halloween or not . No, no, hell, no cheers and applause hell, no larry well be right back. cheers and applause if you live in new york city gap tickets to the nightly show. Hello ladies. Is what a dummy would say. Smart people use bearglove trees and sticks . No thanks get the respect you deserve with bearglove. And if youre not convinced this time. Be quiet painting. Were playing chess. Checkmate. Timber. Steak and lobster is back were pairing succulent steamed lobster tail or new jumbo lump crab cakes with our signature sirloin for a limited time. Try steak and seafood starting at 14. 99. Only at outback. I just want to take a vacation. Redeem our hotel points. This seems crazy. Tell us something we dont know, captain obvious. Ok. With hotels. Com, when you collect 10 nights you get one free. Oh. And this room smells like cat food and sadness. Coochie, coochi, coo he so has your peanut butter. Well, hes got your jelly. Time for a feeding. No ah jam it crazy good larry thats our show i want to thank our panelists tonight. Check out hand of god on broadway. Goodnight, everyone cheers and applause from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show. Thank you so much for tuning in, im trevor noah. Our guest tonight Fareed Zakaria is joining us, everybody and now we happen to be off last week so i thought i would quickly catch you up on all the stuff we missed wile we were away. First up, Congress Managed to come to a budget deal meaning they will not be shutting down the government this month. Which im told in america is a thing that deserves praise. Yeah. Thats right, it seems this government is being run by t mobile, month to month. No contracts. Meanwhile, we also learned that the plague is apparently staging a comeback in america. With 11 u. S. Cases reported since may. Yeah, 11 u. S. Cases of the plague. Pizza rat not so charming now, is he . But perhaps most upsetting,