>> larry: thank you very much. welcome to "the nightly show. i'm larry larry, larry -- larry wilmore. all right, thank you very much. you've all heard what's going on with nbc news anchor brian williams. now, a lot of people have accused him of lying. i'm not going to go that far but it does appear that somebody has been slow-jamming the truth. >> nbc's brian williams, he's stepping away temporarily from the nbc nightly news desk. >> he got caught in a lie about being on a helicopter that came under fire in iraq. >> i made a mistake in recalling the events of 12 years ago. >> larry: simple mistake. as a fellow purveyor of fake news, part of me sympathizes with brian williams. i understand how stories get blurred over the years, especially in tense situations. once i reported that i cold-cocked george foreman in his grill. turns out, i just put cold-cuts on a george foreman grill. got it confused. okay? easy mistake. in a weird way, brian williams' confusion is the perfect metaphor for the entire war on terror -- nobody has a damn clue what's going on. we have been fighting in this thing since 2003. we started by looking for wmds, which at the time i assumed was a way to classify yourself on a dating site. and i remember thinking, "why are we searching for white middle-aged dads" in iraq? doesn't make sense. we've got enough of them here. turns out we were looking for weapons of mass destruction but found neither. then we decided that that war wasn't that exciting, so we said, let's focus on afghanistan. that's where bin laden was, and he was the real bad guy. and then blah blah blah, cut to a few years later, jessica chastain took care of him. but then we just kept fighting. and i don't know if we won. i know we kind of left. but we're still kind of hanging out there. like when you graduate from high school and you still go to the dances and it's really awkward. and nobody really tells you to leave, but everybody wants you to. i'm speaking of course, and a friend. i'm speaking, of course as a friend. at this point, we as americans are about as unclear about the current state of our role in the middle east as i am about the current state of bruce jenner's penis. i think it's still there. i'm just not sure. and now we have a new enemy, i.s.i.s. these guys are the real deal. i mean, even al quaida said "hey, hey, slow your terror roll. i mean, we're dicks, but you guys are just plain unreasonable." that's an exact quote from al quaida. but one thing about i.s.i.s. is that at least we aren't going to be as confused fighting them because they have a clear-cut goal. >> i.s.i.s. has made it clear they want a caliphate over the borders of syria and iraq. >> larry: you see? nothing to be confused about. they want a caliphate. now if only anyone in america knew what a caliphate was. okay. i'm just going to assume it's something those bad people shouldn't have. good. got the caliphate down. what are their other objectives? well, they're terrorists, which means all they want to do is attack the west. i mean, that's like middle east terrorism 101. >> islamic state militants captured a jordanian pilot. >> technically, jordan is west of iraq. man, it's starting to get confusing again. well, at least we can assume they're radical islamists, right? >> president obama defending his choice not to label the terrorism as an islamic state war on islam. >> you've got to be kidding me! let's go back to the basics. i'm going to be as simple as possible. their name is i.s.i.s. >> the obama administration isn't calling it'scies or even i.s.i.l. the name is changed. what are they calling these is a slag vajs? dash which -- daesh which is the original name. >> larry: screw this. they're an evil group killing in the name of religion, and we americans need to get on our high horse and kill them and make sure religion has nothing to do with it. commander-in-chief, command us. >> lest we get on our high horse and think this is unique to some other place, remember that during the crusades and inquisition, people committed terrible deeds in the name of christ. >> larry: i can't even get on my high horse? what did shadow scout ever do to you? apparently that's my high horse. (laughter) man! i thought we were supposed to hate these guys, and now you're bringing up our dirty christian laundry. how am i supposed to hate if i'm thinking about what we did is this that's not fair. why do you always have to confuse me with compassion and facts? you make me mad all the time. all right. since we're talking about history, i don't recall other presidents making us feel all guilty before we got our killing on. during world war ii, you never heard f.d.r. say, "when you're killing nazis, don't forget to remember that we slaughtered native americans! get 'em boys! there's nothing to fear but the (bleep) we've done in the past." look, here's all i'm asking. president obama, what do you want from us? just tell us. we're left feeling like the guy whose girlfriend wants him to figure out how she's feeling. but guys can't do that. because we're not mind readers. you have to tell us what to do so everyone can get on with dinner, an episode of "scandal," followed by mediocre make-up sex. that's how it works. all we want is some clarity. are we at war with i.s.i.s. or not? if we are, what do you want from us? and most importantly, how did olivia get out of that prison? we'll be right back. ♪ (cheers and applause) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] give extra. get extra. my advice for healthy looking radiant skin. a good night's sleep... and aveeno®. 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(applause) michael, it's hard to trust what our leaders say, giving us the mixed messages. >> you think? >> larry: it's all, obama saying whoa, whoa. who can we trust? >> often we get the correct information 20 years later in. the last few weeks, there is this these new revelations about the guy being one of the prime movers behind 9/11. i said what are the percentage of the hijackers who were saudis? >> larry: i think around 1,000%. >> rounding it up? (laughter) but that's not the point, there really is the lie that rolls like a snowball. >> larry: it's hard to get any kind of information right away. >> right. >> larry: sometimes we probably shouldn't have all the information right away. i'm confused about what our focus should be. the president again he talked about islamophobia. >> the president was just saying let's not be bigots in our own country. >> the first thing in a war is to demonize the enemy. i.s.i.s. is certainly meeting us halfway. you want demons? we got 'em! >> larry: what should our role as civilians be? >> one of the reasons that the president has tried not to call them islamic militants is our muslim allies asked us not to use that term. they said we don't want you to play into the islamic state groups to make this look like a fight between islam and the west. that's why you've heard them use the term "daesh," the arabic initials for islamic state but also -- >> and sean connery's role when he plays -- (laughter) >> the islamic state doesn't like it because it sounds like what you crushed under your boot. that's why we adopt it at the government level. >> larry: how important is it to classify who they are? is it that important to put a strict flame and nays on it? >> what's important is we understand the nature of what we talk about. i think when the president understanding this is a long game, you can call it what you want, but there's not a single military solution alone. >> larry: do you think he's always looking at the long game? that's what it feels like to me. i'm not saying that's good or bad but -- >> you mean about his prayer breakfast remark? >> larry: that and the way h he talks about things all the time. i think, what did you just say? i forgot he's smarter than me. >> the other thing about a him is he is a person of color and he's more sensitive to issues of bigotry and i think he doesn't want to equate islam is extremist violent people. >> larry: do you think it's harder because he's a secret muslim from kenya? (laughter) i better watch the way i talk about this! somebody might figure it out! >> he might be more in tune with them because we're both muslim, i'm not sure. >> larry: exactly. how do we connect more? do more people need to be in the military, you think? >> no, it's not necessarily that more people need to go out -- >> larry: do we need a draft? we were more device nigh the draft but in some ways the draft gives everyone a stake in it. what do you think? >> i went happily. the life i was living, i was surprised they let me into the parking lot. i was a pretty messy teenager. no, but they took a look at me and passed and i'm so lucky. then they had the draft lottery which is the most democratic thing according to shirley jackson that we can do. i had a high number and totally lucked out. this was during vietnam which no one has explained what that war was about. >> what can you tell people to say other than thank you for your service? because when people say that i know they're trying to generally connect with veterans. >> i think the big thing is, from a veteran's standpoint, we love "thank you for your service" because it means a lot and it's very heartfelt when it's said. but we don't want thank you for your service will be the end of the conversation. thank you for your service, now let me move on and get my latae. ask me about my service and understand what you're thanking me for. >> larry: if you could tell the american people, because i think sometimes we shouldn't hear from the presidents and the media, we should hear from the military, what would you say if someone asked you what it's about? >> from the vast majority of soldiers i serve with, you won't hear a major socioeconomic dissertation of what they were fighting for. they're making sure hat the person to the left and the right got home to their families. (applause) >> larry: sometimes the best thing you can say is i appreciate you looking after each other and looking after us. we'll be back with "keep it is that the new galaxy note 4? smooth intro man. and yes, that is the 5.7 inch note 4. with the best screen we've ever put in a phone. it's big enough for multitasking so you can get to all the important stuff. do you guys think i should start mccoy? yeah, you start mccoy! look at the detail. it has about twice the resolution of full hd. and, a super wide lens so you can selfie, with like everyone. do you think you could send that to me? yeah, you gotta give me your number though. ok...ok! 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(cheers and applause) ♪ >> larry: thank you! okay. it's time for the segment we like to call "keep it 100". for all you people who don't know what that expression means it means keep it 100% real. like "truth or dare," except here it's "truth or truth." so i'm gonna ask each of you a question, and in your answer you have to keep it 100% real. and if you do, the audience will clap. and if not... well, we'll see. okay. here we go. negin, you have the chance to get rid of one of these things and you will definitely get rid of it. islamophobia or sexism. but when you get rid of the one, it makes the other one worse. which one do you get rid of? >> i'm going to go sexism. >> larry: really? yeah. >> larry: why? applause play. >> like, because it's like, my mom suffers -- you know, it's, like -- >> larry: you just (bleep) the whole muslim world! thank you for keeping it 100. she gets 100. kim, there will be peace in the middle east but the one condition is you have to host the cnn show with your new husband wolf blitzer. what do you say, can we bring the troops home? >> absolutely. (cheers and applause) >> wait, bring the troops home from where? >> larry: from iraq. if i marry wolf blitzer and host his show with him? >> larry: mm-hmm. no more war. i.s.i.s. is done. >> okay, yeah, i'll wear it. yep. (booing) (laughter) >> larry: all right, what would scare you more finding out that i.s.i.s. is out to get you specifically or finding out oprah no longer thinks you're a great author, has turned on you and she wants to destroy you? keep it 100! >> i'm much more scared of oprah than i.s.i.s.! (cheers and applause) >> larry: that's keeping it 100. we love you, oprah. >> you don't have another one for me do you? >> larry: we'll see what happens. michael, you also can stop i.s.i.s., but in order to do so -- (laughter) -- you have to kill laverne or shirley. who do you kill? come on keep it 100! >> i can't kill my friend. >> larry: laverne? quigy? >> no, i wouldn't even kill the big ragu. >> larry: no? i'm sorry. it's the truth. >> larry: i think he kept that 100, right? (cheers and applause) >> thank you so much. >> larry: okay. i'll give you guys the opportunity to ask me any one of these. which one? >> islamophobia/sexism. >> larry: i say let's get rid of -- that one is hard! 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[ female announcer ] only aveeno® positively radiant has an active naturals® total soy formula. it helps reduce the look of brown spots in just four weeks. aveeno®. naturally beautiful results™. with t-mobile and iphone 6 you can make wi-fi calls beyond the reach of cellular networks. hey brandon what's up? so you can talk from down here. smile for grandma! or text pictures from up here. ok, there we go, should we send a photo? you can even make calls, way over here. talk and text over wi-fi, with wi-fi calling on iphone 6. only from t-mobile. now get iphone 6 for $0 down. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ romance... ...and midnight romance the women's fragrances by ralph lauren. available at macy's. your fragrance destination. (cheers and applause) >> larry: okay. that's all the time we have for tonight. i want to thank our panelists michael mckean, kim dozier negin farsad, and wes moore. give a nice round of applause! (applause) as always, thanks for helping me keep it 100 on twitter. each of our panelists had to answer a tough question, and i told myself to the same standard. remember, i don't get a chance to see this question until right now. tonight's question comes from @hiccdew forever. okay. give me the question. should the draft be reinstated? no, i don't think so. i don't think so. (cheers and applause) that question over there, i have weak teeth for how i answered that question over there. finally, we have a special show in the works for wednesday night. this time, you get to ask the questions. so submit them online about anything we've discussed on the show so far, from vaccinating our kids to obesity to black fatherhood, to bill cosby. submit your questions on twitter with the hashtag "nightlyshow." you can even make a short video of your question if you want. head to thenightlyshow.com for more details. until then, goodnightly everyone! ♪ (cheers and applause) >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey, welcome to the daily show my name is jon stewart. my guest tonight oh we got a good one. oscar nominee patricia arquette from "boyhood" but first you know,. >> brian williams will not be in the anchor chair this evening, after a self-imposed suspension from nbc nightly news following his admission that he mislead the public about his experiences covering the iraq war back in 2003. >> jon: bri! why? (laughter) why bri?