Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20170117

No, no, dude. You dont just take one persons story and then add a couple things and call it yours luckily, with the money i made selling the movie rights to my book, ill be okay. You sold the movie rights . To who . James cameron. Go look. The movie came out already. They cant do that im student body president oh, god damn it son of a bitch ideastealing assholes you sons a bitches dances with smurfs was my idea my idea [grunting loudly] you cant just take dances with smurfs and call it Something Else [grunting loudly] [school bell rings] [groans] dude, what happened . Youre not doing the morning announcements anymore . No, because it turns out that by rule, the student body president cant also be the morning announcement reader oh, well. At least as president , you can run the school the way you want. I cant do jack i went to my First Student Council Meeting all we did was talk about what colors to make the stupid Sadie Hawkins dance Student Council is retarded [chime sounding] the sun is up, and the birds are chirping. Im casey miller, and these are the morning announcements. I have a letter from second Grade Student brian felner. Brian writes, dear casey, why is our School President such a fat, stupid dickhead . My desk is broken, and so far, eric cartman has done nothing about it. Will you please let that walking bowl of anus pus know that we are not happy . Well, brian, i couldnt agree more. From comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause fz welcome to the daily show, im trevor noah thank you so much, everybody, thank you for tuning in. Im so exidentified our guest actor and singer brie sheer gray is joining us from the hit show empire, everybody. In the house. And were lucky to vay second guest, were going to be joined by Washington Post reporter and the man who broke the infamous pussy grabgate story, David Fahrenthold is here, everybody. David fahrenthold n south africa we know him as david celsius. But still, lets make like steve harvey and get into the news. I actually feel bad for steve harvey. These days whenever you see his name in the headlines its because something went wrong. Two years ago he accidentally crowned the wrong miss universities on tv. Constantly calling feels to feu d. And last week was double whammy. His week started with him being slammed for making joke bses asian guys being unattractive on a segment on his daytime talk show. And that wasnt even Steve Harveys whole week. Because after e9ic ear. The president elect making an unannounced appearance at trump tower where he is standing with steve harvey. Comedian steve harvey revealed will work with donald trump to improve inner cities. Trevor and you thought donald trump wasnt going to do anything for black people. Maw . Huh . You know what is funny is every single black person who meets with trump has that same, what the [bleep] just happened expression on their face. As soon as the cameras come on they look like they are busted on an episode of cheetahs, that is what it looks like, no, its not what it looks like, its not what it looks like. Now as you can imagine, any black person, any black person seen to be rolling with trump knows they will be subject to the full black twitter which is why steve was not ashamed to justify his appearance and drop names. I was invited here by both transition team, Obama Transition Team and trump, president obama says you have to sit down and talk. Its just me following orders from my friend president obama, who says steve, you got to, as he told everybody, get out from behind your computer, stop tweeting and texting and get out there and sit down and talk. Trevor and obama told me to call that woman, honey. Obama said i should talk to her in the club. And obama is why i drove that fast, officer. He said dont let anything stop you. Keep going. And obama is just i like how obama has become like the traffic excuse of politics. Why are you doing well, ot bama was so crazy yesterday, i had to do it. So it was a really rough week for steve harvey. I feel bad for him. He is a good guy. But how you can defend yourself. Huhuh, huhuh, i can defend myself. Trevor whoa. Can i defend myself. Trevor its steve harvey, everybody, steve harvey its steve harvey uhhuh. Trevor what . Now you over here telling your little jokes but see, trevor, you dont understand how it went down. Let me tell you how it went down. You got to explain to these africans real slow how it go down. I was minding my business at the dry cleaner, hi dropped off my mustache to get cleaned up. My phone rang. And it was i knew it was an important call because it was the downton abby ring toan thats what i use on my phone. It was o a. I answered the phone, and obama says steve, i needs you to go talk to trump. Trevor mr. Harvey, i hate to call you out but it sounds like you are trying to blame obama for this . Well, white folks blame odd bama for eight years. I cant do it once . laughter . Trevor sorry, sorry, if obama said to jump from a building, would you do it. If theres no black people, yeah. Trump, it hurts me that black people think i dont care about them. Every year i honor the best if black business, i have a program. My mustache won three naacp awards. You see, this is all it comes down to black people, black people, we got two choices, black people, look, either we meet this man and try to get something done. Or we take four years off politics. And i dont know about yall but steve harvey dont take a day off, you better check the tv guide, im on four channels right now. laughter applause you see, im on espn, the. Trevor steve, steve, i understand what you were trying to do. But what do you say to the people who are mad at you . What the hell you mad for . I stood next to a man while he said dumb things. My whole job is to stand next to people while they say dumb things. That is has an eye but cant see. Tiger. Tell me a part of the body that begins with the letter t. Titties. Sucker. Eagle. I could have said do this, say that. I dont want that. Trevor roy wood, jr. , everybody, give it up for roy wood, jr. cheers and applause . Trevor by the way, by the way, roy, by the way, i that say pretty good steve harvey impression, man. The mustache stuff does half the work. Trevor if steve harvey way of dealing with trump isnt your flavor we have the exact opposite this weekend from georgia congressman and civil rights leader john lewis. Do you plan on trying to forge a relationship with donald trump . Its going to be very difficult 6789 i dont see the president elect as a legitimate president. Do you not consider him a legitimate president. Why is that . I think the russians participated in helping this man get elected. And they helped destroy the candidacy of hillary clinton. I dont plan to attend the inauguration. Trevor damn, john lewis does not mess around. I mean ive heard of people turning down party invites but giving you a reason as illegitimate, thats going to change evites for ever, people. laughter so john lewis called trump an illegitimate president. And you know trump, i mean he just lets that [bleep] slide. Straight on to his keyboard. Trump lashing out at the georgia congressman on twitter. Saying lewis should spend more time on fixing and helping his district which is in horrible shape, and crime infested. All talk, talk, talk, no action or results. Sad. Trevor im sorry, what . All talk, no action. Youre calling a civil rights hero who marched in selma with Martin Luther king, jr. All talk, no action . Saying john lewis isnt a man of action is like me saying donald trump is all tax returns, no tweets. laughter applause this man, this man got his head beaten in on multiple occasions by racist policeman who were trying to silence him in what he was doing. That is action. Im not going to if you smashed me over the head, i would seriously reconsider whatever issue i was fighting for. I would be like im sitting in the front. You know what, the back is cooler anyway strks where all the cool kids are, rosa, do you you, i have a one head beating policy, im out. Part of me thinks trump didnt even know who john lewis was. This seems like its just trumps again erich response to any black criticism. Any time blacks criticism him he is like go back to your burning inner city. If trump met a black astronaut i think he would be like thank you for fighting crme in the burning inner cities of space. Space crime is a huge problem. Sad. laughter but heres the thing. Heres the thing. What steve harvey and john lewis did this weekend, perfectly captured the debate about how to respond to the trump presidency. Do you resist him . Or do you work with him . And this weekend we saw examples of both. And its appropriate that were talking about this on Martin Luther king day. Because dr. King also stood for both approaches. Dr. King was out on the streets marching and boycotting am but he also stepped down to negotiate with those in power. Yeah. And thats exactly what i was trying to do. Thats what obama told me to do. What you just said, that is what obama. Trevor steve harvey [bleep] ronnie chieng, everybody, ronnie chieng. Wow. What are you doing here and why do you have a baseball bat. You think its funny to perpetuate stereotypes about asian men . I will teach you about racial discrimination, now which one of you is steve harvey . Trevor well be right and theres your beautiful baby. Any day now [crunch] really . Youre eating doritos . Hes eating doritos. At my ultrasound. Do you see what i have to deal with . I know. laughter laughter laughter laughter owww laugher give me that screaming [baby crying] [crunch] youd see all the sickness ifyoure spreading. Ur cough, robitussin cf max severe soothes and delivers powerful relief of cough, sore throat, stuffy nose and fever. Robitussin cf max severe. Because its never just a cough. They said it was impossible to have greattboom. G light beer. Awardwinning heineken light, brewed with cascade hops. They also said it was impossible to hypnotize you. Youre getting sleepy. Watch the beer you dont have to pay a lot to get a lot. At cricket wireless, plans now start at 30 mo. Monthly taxes and fees included. And we have more 4g lte coverage than tmobile or sprint. Cricket wireless. Something to smile about. Mom,on my Car Insurance of money by switching to geico. I should take a closer look at geico. You know, geico can help you save money on your Homeowners Insurance too . Great geico can help insure our mountain chalet how long have we been sawing this log . Um, one hundred and fourteen years. Man i thought my arm would be a lot more jacked by now. Im not even sure this is real wood. Theres no butter in this churn. Do my tris look okay . Take a closer look at geico. Great savings. And a whole lot more. Play marian hill. Are you down, dddown, dddown, dddown, down, down . Are you. Down, ddown, down, dddddown, down, down, down . Down, ddown, down, down, dddddown, down, down, down . Are you down, are you down, are you dddown, are you . Anything with a screen is a tv. Stream 130 live channels, plus 40,000 on demand tv shows and movies, all on the go. You can even download from your x1 dvr and watch it offline. Only xfinity gives you more to stream to any screen. Download the xfinity tv app today. Trevor welcome back. My first get tonight say political reporter for the washington poses who was just named a cnn contribute ever contributor, please welcome David Fahrenthold, everyone. applause how are you, sir. Good to see you. Trevor welcome, welcome, i think in this election you are the person who won. I mean donald trump won but you won won. Well, i did. Trevor you get to report on everything for the next four years. But you are the person who, i mean for those who dont know the name off the bat, they know all of your work. What i would like to go back to the beginning because i love how it it all started. You had the kiss of death for a campaign. If you were reporting on a campaign, the campaign shut down like a few weeks afterward. Right. Trevor so at some point you decided you know what, i will report on Donald Trumps charity. Right. So i saw trump speak in iowa, an event in iowa and gave away in the 34eud elf his Campaign Rally he called a local Veterans Group up on the stage and said i will stop my Campaign Rally and give out a check from my charity. Gave this big Golf Tournament size check that says donald j. Trump foundation on the top, make America Great again on the bottom am i know nothing about charity laws but i know you cannot do that, that is against the law. Trevor what is against the law, giving people money . Once you have a nonprofit, you cant use a nonprofit to help your political campaign. So if you are using your nonprofit to boost your campaign slogan, that, by all appearances is gensz the law. So it got me interested in trumps charity and it flowed from there. You recall back in january, trump had a big fundraiser. For the fox news debate said he raised 6 million for veterans, including 1 million out of his own pocket. Well, i thought this will be an easy task. I will call the Trump Campaign and ask, who got the money, without did you give the money to. It took months to figure that out. Eventually it came to a point where they actually told me the wrong answer. Cory lewandowski called me one day and said mr. Trump is actually giving away his million colors to veterans but i cant tell you who got t when, or what amount or anything else. All secret. So so the question is, how do you check that, right sph . The old days i could have auld all 8 zillion veterans organizations and never know the answer. But now we have twitter, we have a way to get our questions right in front of donald trump, i spent a day on twitter asking Veterans Groups have you seen any of this money, gotten any of trumps money it turned out at the end. Day that trump had not given a Million Dollars. When lewandowski told me he gave a Million Dollars away, it was later wrong, he only gave it later after i checked. Trevor this is what i find so fascinating and at the same time so fight. Is that you used twitter to eck ch the twitter president. Right. Trevor it makes perfect sense. This whole world, this whole world has become ridiculous. Have i heard journalists and pun dis pundits say the same phrase over and over again, you can believe that this is real. When you first stumbled upon the access Hollywood Tape of donald trump say grab her by the pussy, like what went through your mind . I thought at that point that we had sort of, could not be shocked by donald trump. We always think that. We had seen all the howard stern. Trevor its never true. Yes. But this isk showing t shocked us, a bus of the language but here is trump in a private moment, hes not performing in front of a camera he is talking to a friend of his saying not, here is what i would like to do or he is saying this is what i do. This is what i am about to do to this woman we meet right now. Here is how i behave. We knew this is something really different. Plus it was the kind of thing that, you really look for this as a reporter, when you show other people the video, come over and watch this video, people would make noitions, hard world reporter was make these weird, outraged squeal noises. You know, that is a are you on Something Big then. Trevor that is a story that at one point threatened to derail the campaign. And many things happened on the other side that changed everything. But ones that didnt succeed alot of people have started to say, and this is even post election especially, people have said nothing hurts trump. Hes shame its. What is the point of reporting on him. You dont seem to have received that memo. Are you still writing about donald trump, are you still reporting on everything the president elect future president is going to do. Thats right. Well, for one thing, people say trump is shameless. Hes not shameless. He feels shame, maybe not in the same way you or i do but he is conscience of a reputation out there. It is the Million Dollars he gave away only after i questioned him about it, right. He did that in response to what people saw as damaging true information hurting his reputation. Trevor yeah. But hes not shameless. The other thing is, it doesnt matter if he is shameless or not, right. Have i heard a lot of people say after the election nothing is true any more, nothing matters. Trump is distorting reality. He cant do that. That is not his job, not his power, right . The president is powerful but they dont have that kind of power. So the facts were finding still matter to a lot of 350e78, even if they didnt matter to him, they would matter to a lot of people. I think it will be a really busy four years but i dont think there is any reason to despair that donald trump has changed the nature of facts. Trevor lets talk about that future for a little bit before i let you go. The Washington Post has been really instrumental in finding key stories and holding the president elect to accounts. One of the things thats been interesting is how news organizations are shifting how they do business. You know, its trying to react to donald trump and these stories. Are you working on a particularly interesting project now which is basically all about divesting conflicts of interest and the clause. Some people really dont know what that means. Because donald trump says i cant have a conflict of interest because im a president. Right. Trevor so then what are you working on . Well, legally, he cant have shall there are two questions, legally and morally, right . Trevor yes. Legally out the window which donald trump will do. Bring it back, go back and get it. The question is, we have a right to know if the president is acting in his own interest and his business interest or in our interest. That question has nothing to do with the legal code, right . So if donald trump has business interests all over the world, if he knows eben fits by making a particular decision, if he has an ownership interest in his business that allows him to benefit from favors or sort of extra payments given to his businesses by one government, that could affect his decision making. That affects all of us that is our country. So the idea that i cant have a conflict of interest, that is not true at all. You could certainly have conflicts of interest. We have to look at what those are and how they are changing his behavior. Legally the constitution as a clause says the president cant receive payments for foreign governments or foreign powers. That swufn the few limits on president ial power written into the constitution. So if he doing that, that has never been tested in court before. I dont know what the legal limits will turn out to be. But its really important. We have never had it tested this way before. Trevor you have a interesting job. You have a Monumental Task ahead of you. But i will tell you, im a fan of your writing, of your work. Everyone is talking about a possible pulitzer and you would be well deserving of it. Thank you for being on the show. cheers and applause trevor David Fahrenthold, everybody. Well be right bac vo maybe it was here, when you hit 300,000 miles. Or here, when you walked away without a scratch. Maybe it was the day your baby came home. Or maybe the day you realized your baby was not a baby anymore. Every subaru is built to earn your trust. 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H, and it feels so good oh yeah and it feels so good trevor welcome back to the daily show, my next guest stars at hakeem on the show empire and mike bif inns in the story. Wouldnt have to do this to begin with. Who told you how to drive anyway . Yo mama. Told you they make you shave it off, didnt i. That dont even matter. I still get mine with or without the stash. So talking about it dont look good. What the hell they know, why cant we get a mustache. Because you cant grow one. That aint the point, man. 12 years old forever. Trevor please welcome bri d bryshere gray. Whats up, man . Trevor welcome, welcome, welcome. I get to sit in a chair, man. Trevor you get to sit in the chair. I get to have you sitting in the chair. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having me, man. Trevor i am a huge fan of empire. I think a lot of people were from day one. Word up. Season one, man. Trevor yeah. Yeah, we have timbaland on the show talking about it, but what fascinated me was finding out about your story. Absolutely. Trevor because on empire you play a spoiled brat. Im nothing like that in real life. Trevor who has everything. The smile changes, are you like that. Nothing. Trevor no, no, but really, your story is one that, you know, is all too familiar for many people, but you know, you dont look it in the show. Yeah. Trevor you grew newspaper west phillie and you had a very different upbringing from the life. I come from performing out on the street, subway trains to now, you know, living my dreams on tv. In new aician did. So guy that is it. applause . Trevor can i ask a question. Whenever people move up in life, you know, a lot of people go oh, i was a waiter, now i tip waiters. As a performer on the subway. I was a waiter ta. Trevor were you. I worked at pizza hut, i was flipen chicken. Thats how it was. Trevor what happened . What happened . I got fired. Trevor wait, but why did you get fired. How do you get fired from pizza hut. Because i wasnt cooking the chicken properly because i was writing raps. Trevor were you giving people salmonella in order to write raps. Yeah, but do you go back in life, like do you go and see subway performers now and tip extra. I go back home all the time. Seeing the same people i grew up with, kind of still doing the same thing, its sad but you know, i help them out. I give them advice and i brick them on set when they are available. Trevor you are yeah, no no applause . Trevor you have an amazing story because you are a young guy. Uhhuh. Trevor and at the same time you really. My mom worked two jobs. Trevor and you have been into giving back. One of the most interesting initiatives that i enjoyed is you gave thousands of bicycles to kids in west phillie what was that about. I dont really want to talk about it. I feel like if you give back, you dont have to talk about it. applause . Trevor but we already talked about it we already talked about it. I yeah, i gave away those bikes. Trevor im sorry. Empire was huge for you, your first acting gig. Blew up. But now you are in the new addition story. I mean a lot of people dont even know that they are fans of new aician did. Like as soon as people hear the song, i hear people go, candy girl and then people are like