Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20131111

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20131111

2013, edition. First up. Close to home, new york city elected worlds tallest human bill de blasio, as the mayor de blasio campaigned on progressive platform of economic disparity and economic diversity. This takes time. Jon holy [bleep] lock your doors. La revolution one has begun. De blasio won in a blowout crushing his opponent joe lhota by 49 Percentage Points at which point lhota was swol owed up by angry zombies. Somebody get the guy an apple bus, the yellow pages to stand on . Meanwhile in Virginia Governor race, terry mccallive struck a below for corrupt government by defeating tea party archetype and noted sodomy opponent ken youre only allowed to stick in in the cuch, cucchinelli in new jersey governor cristie cruised to a reelection win over his opponent random de dem democrat, nobody really knows. Christie celebrated by weirding everybody out. Tonight first and foremost i want to say thank you, new jersey, for making me the lummiest guy in the world. laughter jon did new jersey marry crist cristie last night . Why are you looking directly into our souls during your speech . Okay, chris. So christie an mccallive, obviously they will have ram any cases for the two great state, applications that impact real peoples lives. For more on the substantive policy effect of these elections, we go to ou our news analysis. Set the speculometer to three years hence. What does the new jersey race say about Chris Christies prospects in 2016. Mccall mcauliffe came out on top, what it means for 2016. What the results say about the tea party. If virginia is in play, ohio is in play. This was a great night forth democrat. To the a great night for the tea party. Should conservatives be nervous. If virginia is in play, florida is in play wants what does it mean for ted cruzs campaign wants what could it mean for the hillry run. The defeat and what that means for rubio. 2013 turns into 2014, we begin to think of 2016. Jon to infinite and beyond you know what, the best [bleep] news joins me, best news team for more on last nights election. With us tonight we have got sir aasif mandvi, jason jones esquire and dr. Al madrigal. Once again the media spends months and months speculating on what is going to happen in this election, what might happen in this election. Then on the eve of the election they spend 10 minutes reporting on what actually happened and jump right back into what it means for the next election. Its pathetic. Embarrassing. Yeah, so [bleep] those guys. They were way off. Way off, they were. Jon wait, they were way off . Yes, the message of this election is clear, Terri Mcauliffes win proves in 2016 democrats will nominate Terri Mcauliffe. Jon wait, Terri Mcauliffe t that is idiotic. He won. Jon he won one election, thats how do you not get that . Its math, jon. Jon this election proves then for the republicans that chris chrisiest will be the nominee in 2016, is that right. Jon laughter sweet, sweet brain damaged jon. laughter let me mash up this news and spoonfeed it to you. Based on last nights results we can absolutely see that in 2016 Republican Voters will want a tough talking nononsense nontea party northeasterner who has had lap band surgery. Jon so governor christie. Christie, no, open your ear, man. The next president of the United States is rex ryan. A true blooded northerner, bill salty, the fluctuating weight that america electorate is clearly clamouring for and he proved hes not afraid to stand up to the religious right. Great analysis right there. Thank you. This is al, you are buying this, you are buying this . Not really, jon. For my money the real message from yesterdays election is americans are thirsty for a spanishspeaking Italian American sass catch of a man if a and i say this if they are also married to a former black lesbian. Jon you mean a black former lesbian because i do . Clearly she experimented with both and stuck with one. Jon you know, you guys are going way out on a limb here. I think its smart political analysis. Shrewd expertise. Make it up [bleep] because theres no consequence for being wrong laughter jon see thats my point. Let me show you something. This is true. These are from their past big electoral night predictions. What does 2010 mean for 2012. I tell how the Vice President ial candidate is going to be. Marco rubio, president ial nominee. Sarah palin. I say Hillary Clinton absolutely hands down, shes got the money. I think that person is mike huckabee. Marco rubbio 2012, Vice President ial nominee. What does this mean for 2012. Subway series, its rudy versus hillary in 2008. Yeah, so whats your point. Jon they were all completely wrong. And they are all still on tv. Yeah. Thats right. Yeah cheers and applause whooo aasif mandvi, jason jones and al madrigal, everybody. yx 8 jon welcome back. As we and the royal we, as we move into the Holiday Shopping season some retail outlets are already gearing up for black friday. Other retail outlets are not. Two barneys customers both africanamerican claim they have been stopped and detained after making luxury purchases. They said earlier this year after paying for their items, barneys sent Undercover Police officers to stop them on the street and check the validity of their debit cards. Jon shocking laughter i have got to say that a store owned by such a lovable, tolerant dinosaur of color laughter the fact that he would submit anybody to this humiliation and harassmen harassment whats that . Really . Different barney, okay. laughter not purple. Okay, that makes more sense. laughter maybe this is just a misunderstanding. Kayla philips a 21yearold Nursing Student was stopped by police after she used her tax rebate to buy a 2300 bag from barneys. Trayon christian a 19yearold College Student who bought a 350 ferr gomo ferragamo belt said he was stopped and handcuffed by undercover cops. Jon okay, well, maybe it was the fashion police. laughter jon i mean honestly black ferragamo belt with brown loafers . laughter so you think barneys would have been more prepared for black customers given that theyre a month away from launching a holiday product line with hiphop legend jayz. I guess they forgot to have the staff meeting where they said guess whos coming to barneys. Look we all know what happens now. Jayz is facing pressure to bow out of his partnership with the highend retailer. More than 16,000 people have signed an online petition demanding jayz end his partnership with barneys. This puts jayz in a rather awkward position. Jon well, yeah, not as awkward a position as sitting handcuffed in the back of a squad car wearing the 300 belt you just paid for. Thats a little more awkward, but jayz listen, in his defense, jayz is down, the guy who protested the zimmerman verdict for being racei, boy kod the grammys for being racist. Even boycotted champagne for being racist. Sorry barneys, this is going to get ugly, tell him. For now hes standing by barneys. If i make snap judgements no matter who its towards arent i committing the same sin as someone who profiles . Jon wow. Is that jayz quoting jay for more joined by senior black correspondent mr. Larry wilmore, larry . cheers and applause jayz doesnt care about black people. laughter [bleep] im mike myers in this conversation, arent i . Ing oh god. Let me finish. He doesnt care about black people who want him to boycott barneys. And i dont blame him, jon. Jon isnt this an outrage . If black people are being stopped and frisked while shopping. Shop and frisk is what the media calls t bothers just call it shopping. laughter you know, and by the way, make up your mind, america, you cant tell bothers to pull up our parents and arrest us when we try to buy a belt. cheers and applause exactly. Jon but because of that wouldnt it be helpful for jayz to take a stand. Why, jon, what do you think jayz is, al sharpton with better rimes . No, hes got a multimillion dollar brand to protect. Jon but are you saying to me if i may, if i may, hes not a businessman, hes a business, man. Yes, well rapped, jon. Look, these days jayzs too big a commercial force to rail against the danger of the man. He is the danger. He is the one who frisks. Hes not jayz, hes jayz penney. Jon or jayz morgan chase. Or jayz penney like i said. Jon right. Anyway i know he know jayz used to be a Ground Breaking rapper, now he turned 40, now he is the rapper that shows up at Ground Breakings. Jon holy crap, can i see that again. Oh my god. Whats he doing there with mayor bloomberg and a shove snell. Hes burying the remains of his street crede, jon. applause jon thats got to hurt. Yeah. Jon thats got to hurt. Its tough but jon this is a moment to celebrate. Jon in what way. Well, john, because it means were catching up. White people have been watching their musical icons sell out to corporations for decades. Its the american dream. And were finally achieving it. You go jayz penney. Yeah, man. And jon, jon, its not like set only hiphop star who is swapping his glock for soft bedding he made 100 million off his sugar water, dr. Dre a quarter billion for his head phone business and you have seen ice cubes beer commercials . Hes selling coors in the rockie mountains. It used to be [bleep] for the attitude, now it is [bleep] with altitude. Jon i thought of that but i figured it would probably be funnier if you said it. Correct. Jon so you are saying were just witnessing the maturation of rap as an art form. Thats right, jon. Our music rebels cant be rabel rousers forever. But hes still jayz, its just the next time you see him doing this, it may be for his new dandruff aad. Hes got 99 problems but his scalp itch aint one. Jon larry wilmore, everybody. Well be right back. e bxb ,℠,x jon welcome back, my guest tonight, an author new book called finding the drag on lady, the mystery of vietnams madam nu. Please welcome Monique Brinson demery. Hello thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me. Jon i have to say, finding the dragon lady, has one of the greatest book cover pictures of all time. This is, im assuming, her High School Graduation photo, i dont what is this photo that we are looking at . This is a great photo. Madam had a womens militia in South Vietnam and she was out inspecting the troops making sure their jackets were fitting right and their pants, because actually they were very stylish, the womens militia. So she was out there and sort of showing off her aim. Jon her aim for the militia. Now how did you she goes into exile. And how did you think oh, you know what i should do, i should call her. How did that shall did how did that occur to you . Well, the first thing that occurred to me was i never saw an obituary for her, so she faded from view but she was still alive. So just because she want talking to other people, i thought well, i could try. Jon right. And you struck up a correspondence with her. I did. And we had phone conversations and at the end she even emailed which i thought was sort of cool for the dragon lady. Jon yeah. Did she, was that her handle, was that her is there an emoticon that has a lady with a gun on it . It was her kids internet account that then she used. But she would have a great twitter name im sure. Jon now she was not the first lady of South Vietnam. She was married to, i guess, the president s brother. Right. So we call her the first lady because she was the hostess, she was the diplomatic. Jon he was not married, the president. Correct. He was not married. So he chose for his first lady his younger brothers wife. And who wouldnt choose her. I mean she was beautiful. She was very elegant. And she actually was pretty astute. Jon as a political as a politician. Jon they say, you know, shes really the reason that kennedy kind of backed the coup, yeah . Yeah. Kennedy had a lot of trouble with madam because he always said that the men in her family looked like they were being lead around by her apron strings. And so he just really didnt want to look like america was doing the same. So meanwhile his own wife jackie was perfect image of a first lady. She was refined. She was quiet, for the most part. And madam was everything according to jackie, she was everything that jack found unattractive. Jon right. Well a lady with a gun. For jack kennedy thats a problem. But in many respects, you know, that decision is what sort of lead to the communists coming into vietnam which then lead to i guess you could say ultimately the movie forrest gump beating pulp fiction at the oscars which i think we all agree was the real tragedy of this entire debacle. Was she in any way still frightened . Was she paranoid that forces were going to be out to get her . Sure. So by the time i found her, i had to swear up and down that i was not a government agent. I was not married to a government agent. No one in my family belonged to the cia. And she really didnt trust me at first. And i can understand why. She had been burned before. So it took a long time to earn her trust. Jon and you had set up many different meetings with her. You went to paris this year. But she never actually shows up. No. She doesnt. And at the end of the day i think she likes to think of herself as this powerful, beautiful woman. And so for her to show herself as sort of an older woman, diminished, forgotten by everybody but me, i think would have been a hard ego thing. Jon absolutely. And was there ever a point in your mind where you thought oh, im being catfished here. This is probably that this is probably that soapo guy that got mantai theos. I mean how did you in your mind get this so that you verified that it was really her . I had to listen a lot of her conversations. And they would meander. And i would go along. Sometimes wondering where we would end up. But at the end of the day, i went through the archives in d. C. And in france and i spoke to a lot of her colleagues, people who hated her at the time and were writing against her. And the stories match up. It was definitely her that i was talking toment. Jon and she also had her memoirs that she wanted to get out there. She did. She had two volumes of several hundred pages, which were really pieces of them were really enlightening. And the other parts were biblical, sort of scripture, trying to make sense of the universe type of writing. Jon really . Really. Jon like kind of duferjons and dragons teenager type stuff or what if were all just marbles floating and and that sort of philosophy. More like predestined, this life was chosen for me. Jon oh, really. Yeah. Jon so she was fatallistic about what happened to her. Martyred, yeah. Jon did she have any selfawareness of, you know she was not a nice person. The Buddhist Monk was emulate in vietnam in protest and she would say let them burn, you know, she was kind of a terrible person. The barbecue comment. Jon jay, yeah, yeah. She did express one regret and the regret was that she hadnt been more humble. In other words, not that she was wrong, but that she should have acted a little bit less loudly about her achievements. Jon oh my god. I have one regret. I didnt try to hide my awesomeness. Love it a fascinating story. And its one of those things, boy, it takes one persons curiosity to bring to life a story that otherwise i think would have gone away. And one that i think it would have been 15d if this had never come to light so i think its wonderful so thank you for doing it. The book is finding the dragon lady. Its on the book shelves now. Monique brinson demery. applause jon thats our show, join us torjs here is your moment of zen. I have had a lot of people ask me for hugs. A lot of people. Will you get your hugs later, brother. I guess there is open bar captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing

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