>> may 31, 2011, from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is skwraoufrplt we're back, baby! we've got a nice one tonight. jimmy fallon is going to be a guest on the program. i'm so excited. stephen colbert got his ice cream flavor. tonight with jim by we're going to -- with jimmy we're going town vail my new flavor. it's called awesome heath bar (bleep) all y'all dhip. yeah that's right. [laughter] i don't have ice cream. [laughter] we were off last week because we prefer not to work. [laughter] we decided to come back last week because they wouldn't pay us. [laughter] if we did not. kidding. work of passion this whole -- [laughter] um -- speaking of passion what is the first story hear about when you get back? joan of anchorage is back just in time to kill my post trump sadness disorder. >> sarah palin is raising new speculations about her intentions. >> after stealing the thunder at the annual rolling thunder bike rally she kicked off her one nation bus tour with a stop at the national archives to see the decoration of independence and all the way reporters were chasing behind her with the same question. >> jon: miss palin, why are we following your bus? what is wrong with us? [laughter] oh, god she's acting up. run, everybody. [laughter] obvious that's not the one question. what is the one question? >> is she going for it in 2012? lnch sar ral palin run. >> is she r *efg up for 2012. >> is she running for president? >> jon: hello lame stream media? why because she's driving her family around key primary states in a bus in her signature in roughly size of preamble of constitution. has everyone considered that sarah palin and her family are driving from town to town solving mysteries and unmasking monsters? [laughter] has anybody considered that? no, no. why the palin obsession. tim pawlenty and his family hopped in the custom made losabago. there's a pretty way to get to the bottom of this sarah palin will she or won't she run thing. somebody could ask her. >> all the details as to where she's going later today and later this week are kept close to the vest. >> palin refused to give the schedule. >> we don't know where palin is saying. she just won't say. >> jon: she's in the bus wrapped in the constitution signed by sarah palin. how do not know where she's going. it was a bus brett michels said -- michaels was quote "a bit much." let us let her tell us what it is. >> it's not about me. it's not a heat-seeking tour. >> jon: i get it. you're in stealth mode. how do you get around when you are seeking publicity? [screaming] that's odd. why are we playing cat and mouse game? can't you tell the reporters where you are going so we can go back to our lives. >> i don't think i owe anything to the mainstream media. i think that it would be a mistake for me to become some kind of conventional politician. no, i want them to have to do a little bit of work on a tour like this. >> so this whole thing is just a (bleep) you for asking which newspapers you read? [laughter] you may have noticed that sarah palin gave those remarks about avoiding the press into what looked like a camera which was apparently allowed on to the bus. there's a simple explanation for that. she was giving an interview to greta van susteren who later explained on her blog that palin works for fox just as any employee or someone on contract with another network she's obliged not to speak with others. her answer should be i'm an unconventional maverick who doesn't play by the rules and roger aisles will not let me. we're joined by samantha bee live from des moines, iowa. thanks for joining me. i know governor palin says it's a family vacation. it does seem like a political campaign. how can she do this and keep her job as a fox news analyst? >> jon, for fox to fire sarah palin for taking a much needed vacation with the family that would be monstrous. i they that's how you run your business but some fake news organizations actually have standards. [laughter] >> jon: anyone else who hopped on a bus and went to iowa and all these other swing state and things, historical landmarks would be forced to declare whether they are running or not. gingrich, santorum lost their job for doing just that. fox has different rules for different people. >> they have the same rule for he everybody. if we like you, you can stay. they fired rick santorum when they googled him. [laughter] as for newt gingrich, the presidential election was really just a good excuse to let him go. what news network wants to employ an angry old baby? it's not 60 minutes, you know? [laughter] >> jon: fair enough. he does look like a giant angry baby. it seems unfair that sarah palin gets to pretend like she's both running and not running for president depending on what is most helpful. >> she's a maverick. she makes her own rules. can't a lone wolf mama grizzly form a pac, go on tour and talk to voters about her vision for america without having to give up her seven figure television job at a place that treats her as some sort of conservative demi going. what is wrong with us? >> jon: how long is this family vacation scheduled for anyway? >> their last stop is in january 2013. [laughter] >> jon: that coincides with the presidential inauguration for president. >> no it just says pi d.c. >> jon: it's presidential inauguration, dc. she's run. >> she's not running [music playing] >> sounds like the spwus about to leaveel. i better sca datel. >> jon: her bus horn plays hail to the chief. >> no, i'm pretty sure that's wheels on the bus. the whiles on the bus they go around what could possibly hold together all the natural energy found in peanuts? caramel works. payday. crunchy roasted peanuts and soft chewy caramel come together to give you sweet energy. payday. the sweet taste of energy. >> jon: welcome back to the program. did i have a nice vacation? you know, this time i was really excited to come back to work because we had a doozy teed up here. a little story about a congressman, twitter account and a photo of what may or may not have been his (bleep). >> he came from congressman anthony weiner's twitter account over the weekend. a photo of an anonymous man's bulging underwear. the picture immediately deleted from his account was sent to this 21-year-old college student. >> jon: you know. that's the picture right there. i have to tell you, this twitter is something else. you know in the old days a congressman had to chisel images of his penis on limestone. and then have a runner take the picture to whichever damsel they wanted to hoar five. here is my dilemma. one, we news based comedy story looking at a story about a snap shot that appears to be an ample helping of penis -- [laughter] -- allegedly posted by a congressman whose same in a synonym for penis. for a program like this the phrase sweet spot brings to mind. [laughter] if we were to have a wheelhouse, this wheelhouse would be where this story would receive its mail. [laughter] get its call. this would be this storyies building address. that would be let's do this story category. the cons of this story is this is my friend anthony. not this but this. this guy is a friend of mine and contrary to the "new york times" reporting we were never roommates but 25 years ago he and some friend of mine from college had a house at dewey beach think jersey shores meets yentl. when i wasn't bar tending or clearing plates off i would head down for free loaders weekend. jonny doesn't chip in they would call me affectionately or so i convinced myself. as a comedian this is say slam dunk. weiner name, weiner picture. where's my check. i would -- as a friend of his, i have my doubts about the veracity. my thoughts stem from this. no way new york city (bleep) way. seriously. no way! no way! in real life my memory is this cat had a lot more anthony and a lot less weiner. this is not what i remember. [laughter] to be fair, much of our time together was spent swimming in the frigid waters of the atlantic ocean which as many of you has a notorious smallenning effect referred to as the phenomenon as el pino. go owe to the pacific it's a bottlenose. in the atlanta you get a dolphin who is like, i don't know what happened. i swear to go this has never happened to me before. [laughter] dolphins are also old jews. [laughter] you know, i'll be honest with you the only thing that anthony and this gentleman here appear to have in common is that they both lean hard to the extreme left. boom! boom! [cheers and applause] cut me, mick. [laughter] i don't know what the hell this is. i i don't know what it's going on. i hope it's not for real. he insists his twitter account was hacked. i need a trusted name in news, maybe the most trusted name in news to bring some insightful reportage for this. >> this become the subject of a serious war between liberal blogs suggesting it's a conspiracy and others questioning the hking claim. >> they could call the capitol police or the f.b.i. and say come on in and launch an investigation because i was hacked. why hasn't he done that? >> we don't know the answer to that. i asked congressman weiner's press secretary about it today. i didn't get a response. >> jon: i guess that's the end of it. the liberal and conservative blogs having an all-out war they are probably not doing anything about the story except showing that the tags from the photo don't much the camera he uses. it shows no signs of manipulation but it's odd that the only person who saw the tweet has a history of sending harassing messages to the woman who received the tweet. that sounds a lot like reporting slowdown wood woodward and blogstein. let the big guys handle with with their trademark i guess we'll never know. they are not going to let a guy come on saying he is a sexual predator particularly if the accuser is one who has sworn to destroy the left. >> girls quite young, younger than the girl in question here talk about rep weiner. >> we'll put those questions to the representative, he is not on the show now to ask him about thank you can find out about them. you don't need to wait for someone to call you back. you can do like an -- what do you call it -- investigation using some type of -- i don't know -- journalism. you can do the investigations before he comes on the tv. and -- i'm sorry that's not me talking that's my anger at this. seriously. i mean -- (bleep) it's not that big! [laughter] it can't be. [laughter] [ man ] ♪ trouble ♪ trouble, trouble trouble, trouble ♪ ♪ trouble been doggin' my soul ♪ since the day i was born ♪ worry ♪ oh, worry, worry worry, worry ♪ [ announcer ] when it comes to things you care about, leave nothing to chance. travelers. take the scary out of life. [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight is the host of the very funny nbc's late night with jimmy fallon. his new book is called "thank you notes." please welcome to the program jimmy fallon. [cheers and applause] thank you very much. [cheers and applause] welcome, welcome begun welcome. this is very exciting for me. >> jon: exciting for me. >> my first time on the program. definitely my first time invited i'm a big fan of the show and i'm a fan of what you do. >> jon: let me say this and this is not smoke, i've not seen your show. [laughter] it's on very late at night. >> jon: i really like it. you know what i very much like about it? >> no. >> jon: first of all stevie higgins. >> he is the announcer and producer and worked with jon stewart years -- >> jon: years and years ago. great guy. super funny. quest and the roots. >> they have the best. >> jon: you guys just look like exactly what you should be doing there. you are having fun. it's an intpergs program. if it's all a facade and a lie i'll be very upset. >> it's acting and i can't do it. i can't act that good. i would say this show equally has -- >> jon: you are here to receive -- to receive. sit back and enjoy. this is not -- this is for you. i'm very pleased -- >> i'm smudging up the desk. it feels like an iphone. i'm smudging. i want to rub my face next to it. i just hung up on somebody. [laughter] stop calling me. it's a giant iphone. it's the new ipad unbelievable. >> jon: these are the fingerprints of every guest we've had on the show. john mccain. desmond tutu. >> i knew it was his! >> jon: tracy morgan. >> yeah. >> jon: that's actually dna. know what that is. >> i wouldn't touch that one. fingers sliding down there. this one is going right to the museum. a lot of evidence this is really g. it's fantabulous. s is superfan. it's a grind. it's like whatever. we have fun people on the show. we work a lot. >> jon: i called you. i called jimmy. this was a while back. i could not contain myself. do we have the picture of the event? >> oh, yeah. >> jon: this is a picture of jimmy dressed as neil young singing next to bruce springsteen dressed like 70's bruce springsteen they are singing what. >> whip my hair back and forth. ♪ whip my hair back and forth ♪ you gotta whip your hair you gotta whip your hair ♪ >> jon: that's a good bruce springsteen. thank you. >> you called me up and said very nice words. >> jon: (bleep) you. >> i said jon stewart is that you there? [laughter] you were the first person to call me when i first got late night. i didn't get an office until a day i went on the air and you called me and they said jon stewart on the phone. i said this is insane. >> jon: i said, i go, don't think you can come after me, kid. >> i could smell the cigar smoke over the phone. >> jon: i said in my best irving voice i'll droi you. don't think you can come after me you piece of (bleep). the thank you notes is on the bookshelves now. clearly you took a lot of time and put this together. >> yeah. [laughter] >> jon: this is real -- i mean -- >> there are words in there. >> jon: right. this had to have been done at least by an intern with tape. [laughter] >> that clear tape where you don't see the edges. what it is is every friday -- if you don't mind. >> jon: please. >> i send out thank you notes. i brought them here. i'm going to read them right now. >> jon: you want to read them on the show. >> if you don't mind. >> jon: not at all. read one. ♪ you brought music. >> that's my bff of six months, stephen colbert playing the key board. >> jon: that's nice. he used to play that music for me. [laughter] >> you don't want to talk about it. >> jon: i doesn't matter. change his voice. turn his mic off. >> thank you, slow walking family walking in front of me on the sidewalk. no, please, take your time. definitely spread out to create a barricade of idiots. i'm so thankful that you force ph-d tow walk in the street and risk getting hit by a car so i could pass you and resume a normal human pace. thank you. [laughter] write it on that one. >> jon: that sounds so much like -- >> you are starting to get it. ♪ [laughter] >> jon: thank you chili's menu s for showing how many calories are in your food. didn't i act like i'm writing? >> yep. >> jon: time in a chilis. what part of i don't give a crap do you not understand? i don't think they are going to get a positive response. they are sarcastic. >> they are thanking actual people. >> jon: i don't get young people humor. you have always said that. >> jon: get it now before it blows away it's on the bookshelves. jimmy fallon.