Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20170915 : comparemela.co

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20170915



am impeached. so thank you so much for having me, support meg and supporting the show. i appreciate you. ( cheers and applause ) let's start tonight's show in detroit where kid rock who has been teeing a 2018 senate run gave a first stump speech recently. >> will you please welcome the next senator of the great state of michigan, kid mother (bleep) rock! ( cheers and applause ) >> you call me racist because i'm not p.c. as if you have to remind me "black lives matter." nazis and bigots and ban the kkk? i say, (bleep) all you racists, stay the hell away! if kid rock for senate has got some folks in disarray, wait till they hear kid rock president of the u.s.a.! >> trevor: wow! ( laughter ) i'm not going to lie, i think i'd like to sea a kid rock presidency. the state of the union is bow debang debang at the bang -- ( laughter ) this is how crazy trump mad politics. i watched that and that didn't seem like the wildest speech i've ever seen. ( cheers and applause ) i'm not going to lie. i was, like, hmm, tell me more about your policies. hmm? oh, he supports "black lives matter." nice. maybe it's because when trump is speaking i feel like i hear a guitar in the background. ♪ repeal and replace! but to the main story. you may remember last week president trump made a deal with the democrats to fund hurricane harvey relief, raise the debt ceiling and keep the government up and running, which should be normal, but in this presidency is great accomplishments. >> this president has done more for bipartisanship in the last eight days than obama did in eight years. ( audience reacts ) >> trevor: one deal now he's mr. bipartisan? okay. you can't call someone a philanthropist because they tossed a quarter at a homeless person. doesn't work that way. ( applause ) anyway, trump was so turned on by the positive press the deal got him that last night he went out and did it again. >> the president once again rubbing elbows with top democrats in congress inviting chuck schumer and nancy pelosi to dinner. >> when it was over the two democrats in the room released a statement calling it a productive meeting saying both sides reached an agreement to protect the dreamers in exchange for beefing up border security, but that did not include money for the president's border wall. >> trevor: wait, what? ( laughter ) all it took was a dinner and trump folded to the democrats on daca and the wall? i have a serious question, does anyone still think that trump is a master negotiate? because democrats were, like, do everything we want and we'll let you watch, uh, wheel of fortune. he's, like, okay, i like when they spin the wheel! ( applause ) in fact, trump didn't just give in to the democrats. he came out sounding like they converted him. >> president trump himself countered this morning does anyone really want to throw out good educated and accomplished young people who have jobs, some serving in the military? really! ( laughter ) >> trevor: does anyone really want to throw out the dealerships? yeah, yeah, you did! you! you gas-lighting shrimp tempura you! you literally spent two years campaigning on kicking everybody out. now all of a sudden you're, like, what kind of psychowould kick everyone out? this would be like if in star wars the storm troopers went to darth vader, my lord, the death star is complete, we're ready to destroy the planet. wait -- destroy the planet? what are you guys talking about? what kind of person would do that? there's people on that planet, come on, guys! you guys are dicks, oh... ( laughter ) ( applause ) so donald trump and the democrats made a deal. dreamers stay in the country and no funding for the wall in return. so everything's good. everyone's happy. well, except for all the people who voted for him. >> the fallout from trump's base was fast and furious. >> this issue got trump elected, period. no amnesty, build the damn wall. >> look at the headline on breitbart, amnesty don. >> steve king tweeted if the president is backing off the wall, trump base is blown up, destroyed, irreparable. >> ann coulter tweeted, at this point who doesn't want trump impeached? >> trevor: oh, snap! wow! wow! ( applause ) even ann coulter wants trump impeached? can you imagine what the new anti-trump protests are going to look like? you're going to have ann coulter next to a liberal? there is going to be dreamers next to nazis and the nazis are going to be, like, hey, man, want to use my tiki torch? want to use my sign? yeah! want to hang out later? no, i hate you, i'm a nazi, always going to be a nazi. ( laughter ) the president is in a weird situation and he clearly noticed his mentions blowing up and spent all day trying to reassure supporters. >> the president says no deal is done, at least not yet. he says the wall which is already under construction in the form of renovation of new and existing walls will continue to be built. >> we're right now renovating large, massive sections of wall, making it brand-new. we're doing a lot of renovation. we're building four different samples of the wall to see which one we're going to use, and the wall is going to be built and funded later. ( laughter ) >> trevor: okay. okay. there is an enormous wall between me and understanding what president trump just said. because he sounded less like a president and more like a general contractor who's missed every deadline. ( laughter ) from what i gather, there is no wall, but he's renovating a wall that, when complete, will become a fence? ( laughter ) then somebody else will pay for it. is this what that movie hidden fences was about? and, by the way, i don't know if it's just me, but when i heard him say they were testing samples of the wall, like, i imagine that they were just slamming mexican crash test dummies into different walls just like smashing them in. did that one get through? all right, no good. no good. thank you, felipe! ( laughter ) sir, sir, what do you mean? he's a dummy. >> no, no, some of them are good people. some of them are good people. ( applause ) you know, i honestly understand why trump supporters are getting angry because they're starting to see that this might all just be a big scam. first, it was a wall. now it's a fence. four years, at the border, there's just going to be a row of rose bushes that cost $2 billion, and because they were so expensive, america is going to have to pretend it was the plan all along. mexico will be, like, i thought it was going to be a wall, man. america will be like, no, the bushes bring in more light. it's open concept, we're -- we're happy. ( laughter ) i guess in many ways sarah huckabee sanders is right about trump being bipartisan because both sides of the country want to impeach his ass. we'll be right back ( cheers and applause ) we just got to take it one game at a time. next question. odell! can you repeat everything you just said? my livestream won't load. (blows whistle) technical foul! wrong sport. wrong network. see, you need unlimited on verizon. it's america's largest, most reliable 4g lte network. it won't let you down in places like this. even in the strike zone! it's the red zone. pretty sure it's the strike zone. here, use mine. all right. see you on the court, champ. heads up! (vo) when it really, really matters, you need the best network and the best unlimited. now plans start at $40 per line for four lines. why do we grow our own hops? to brew an ipa all our own. there are no shortcuts to goose ipa. we don't need to be the only beer you drink. we just want to be the best beer you drink. school. i think it's time we mixed things up. ♪ oh yeah, in your face! and in conclusion, cats. four flavors, four shapes. cheetos xtra cheesy mixups. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! ( cheers and applause ) let's talk for a minute about the twitter. it's a wonderful invention, but we have learned that if you ever tweet something that offends too many people, you could get fired from your job -- or you could become president. ( laughter ) high-risk, very high reward. and once again there is a tweet blowing up the news. >> a controversy about espn host jemele hill. >> jemele hill went on a twitter rampage. >> jemele hill came under fire this week after she tweeted mob day that president trump is a white supremacist who has largely surround himself with other white supremacists. >> espn responded with a statement the comments from jemele hill do not represent espn. she recognizes her actions are inappropriate. >> trevor: this is the biggest controversy in sports since the philly fanatic sex tape. really big. and now you're picturing it. for more, we're joined by roy wood, jr., everybody! ( cheers and applause ) i can see why people are upset about this. she called the president of the united states a white supremacist. >> she did. i know, trevor. where could she have gotten that idea? i mean, who in their right mind would -- oh, yeah, everybody! ( laughter ) even congress, they just passed a unanimous bipartisan resolution asking trump to condemn white supremacists. trump is the only white dude i know who had to sign paperwork to prove he doesn't like nazis. nazis aren't my friend. ah, we're going to need that in writing. ( laughter ) you need to get off jemele hill. don't get mad about what she tweeted, she's cool people. >> trevor: oh, i wasn't on her but i have to ask do you want people to go easy on jemele hill because you know her? >> what? i don't know jemele hill. i don't know jemele hill, drew hill, joan hill, i couldn't pick the girl out of a lineup. >> trevor: oh, wow, really. then who is this on jamel's show? >> i like waffle house or as i call it awful howls. >> you're not going to disrespect the dub. >> you on a personal basis with them? >> i'm from the south. i'm from alabama. everybody from the south is born in a waffle house. >> you just going to pull the tapes out on a brother. ( laughter ) you can't expect me to remember everybody i have a fight with about wafflehouse. this isn't about wafflehouse, this is about the white house. this story only blew up because the white house got involved because what jemele hill said honestly jowive just another day on twitter. then this lady fanned the flames. >> i think that's one of the most outrageous comments anyone could make and i think is a fireable offense by espn. >> whoa, that's a fireable offense? you want to see a fireable offense? look around your administration, man. ( applause ) ( cheers and applause ) look, everyone has a right to get angry about tweets. it's twitter. you get angry about tweets. but this is the white house official calling out a private citizen for speaking her mind. that's a step too far. >> trevor: hang on. sarah was saying that, you know, i think it's a fireable offense. she said, i think. maybe she was just sharing her personal opinion on the matter. >> and jemele hill was sharing her personal opinion. the difference was that one was on her twitter account. the other was on a podium at the white house. look at her! she's got a flag and a logo. that makes it official! if you're standing behind a register at a jack in the box and you're, like, yo, my personal opinion, these burgers make your ass bleed. ( laughter ) ( applause ) i'm going to white castle! you look official you got on the jack in the box hat -- >> trevor: okay, you win. i hear you. you win. ( laughter ) what about people who are like this? what about people who say this isn't about trump at all? it's about a double standard? >> if a white anchor at espn had said president obama was a black panther and surrounded himself with racists, that person would be terminated in 24 hours. >> imagine if a conservative said something similar during the obama years, what would the reaction be? >> imagine! oh, look at john lennon over here imagining. we don't need to imagine because there was a conservative tv personality who tweeted "obama is a racist... " ( laughter ) ( applause ) and obama never sent out his goon to say nbc should fire donald trump. you know why? because obama was too busy doing president stuff, killing bin ladens and singing al greens! ( applause ) >> trevor: but roy, going back to espn, they have a lot of conservative viewers to think about. if they can't keep politics out of sports, that could a problem for them. >> that's where i see an opportunity, bro. don't take politics out of sports, put it in. espn, 15, 28 channels. all you do is customize each one for a different political viewpoint. same game, different commentary. if you're a republican watch espn conservative. thompson still in second, the home team wasn't so p.c. they would have kept an eye on that black guy and he wouldn't have stolen it, two on, two out, top of the third. ( laughter ) >> trevor: wow, roy, you might be on to something. >> yeah. >> trevor: would there be espn liberal? >> roll the same clip. thompson stealing third. let's talk about the inequality in society that forced him to steal in h the first place. he had no choice but to steal, two on, two out, top to have the third! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: roy, this is genius, man! >> that's why i'm saying it! it doesn't have just to be politics. we should have a different espn for everyone. my dream is espn for people who love hip-hop. espn trap, baby. the brother he divan the dirt, the dirt on the shirt, and two outs in the bottom of the third. ( rhyming ) ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: whoo! it's what busch is known for. what are you known for? i'm cool under pressure. what is that? a fish hook? (chuckling) golly! [sfx: buschhhhh] no, no... ♪ k up. ♪ the all new 2018 camry. toyota. let's go places. boy i wish your mom was here. instead of over there. (screaming) i ain't afraid to say it. go blue! i'll kick it. she needs this kids. mom needs this. 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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an emmy award winning director and creator of the groundbreaking amazon series "transparent" now in its fourth season. >> what's happening, mom? >> back up, ma'am. >> what's going on? why are you hassling her? >> i have a groin at home. >> i have to pat you down. >> okay. whatever you people are doing, i'm recording it. >> ma'am, you can put that away. >> i'm not going to put it away and please don't call me ma'am. >> please -- >> i have to pat you down. >> ma'am, may i talk to you? i'm trans. do you understand what that is? and i have, um -- i have a penis. >> oh, well then we're going to need a male agent. mac! >> trevor: please welcome jill soloway ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> hi. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> nice audience. >> trevor: oh, they're amazing. are you kidding me? ( cheers and applause ) absolutely amazing. thank you for being on the show. >> gosh, thanks for having me. >> trevor: i have been trying to get you on the show for a while because i'm such a huge fan of trearpt and so many other people are. this is honestly one of the most complicated families i've ever seen on television in my whole life and that's before we get into the transness of the situation. how do you create a story in such a way that it connects to people who have no idea what trans identity is about? >> when i started writing the pilot, i was writing it out of this place of getting a phone call from my parent saying they were trans. so i was really writing a way to understand my feelings and writing my way out of, i think, feelings of shame and confusion and what the what does this mean and doing what artists do which is use their art to create a place to kind of feel safe, controlling reality, giving them the lines you want them to say, writing the lines, and then from that personal place, it became a pilot, and then it became a show. so i think that the reason that people connect with it is because it comes from that personal place is that right, and when you're watching the stories, there are moments where you laugh, moments where you cry, moments where you get infuriated by the madness of what's happening, and i was shocked to find out how much of the story relates to your life. you came out as nonbinary. for many people, they first go what is that. >> yeah. >> trevor: then there are another group of people who go, why did you come out and what does that mean. >> yeah. well, mon binary means that you don't necessarily relate to one gender or the other. >> trevor: right. >> sometimes you feel like both, neither, either. i generally do it to just annoy people. ( laughter ) >> trevor: that's -- >> it's a nice in between place that feels very safe. >> trevor: right. the story is one that's not safe, though. you know, the pfeffermans live this life where -- you've based season 4 in 2017, and it's in the real world, and yet there is no mention of the real president of the real world. >> yes. >> trevor: right? the real president of the united states. was there a reason you didn't mention donald trump in a show that seems so closely linked to the themes that affect his presidency? >> one is the kind of accelerationism, meaning that we were shooting this, you know, we were writing it kind of hoping he was going to be impeached. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> we're, like, none of this is going to mean anything when he's impeached in september when it finally comes up. >> trevor: right. >> so, yeah, but it takes place in a world where trump is president because everybody in the family is very anxious about figuring out how to save the world, so much so that they are -- ali in particular says i need to go to israel, i need to go to the place where all this conflict started and see if i can feel what's wrong. >> trevor: if someone was watching season h, i always try to explain to people it's a crazy story but it's really funny and you just get wrapped up in it. >> oh, good. >> trevor: what was it you were trying to achieve? >> season 4 has a "jesus christ superstar" sound track throughout. ( laughter ) as writers we all went to israel and came down with mild to moderate messiah complex. it's a real thing. a lot of people go to israel and think they're the messiah. >> trevor: you just believe that -- >> there's a wing in a hospital of all people who think they're the messiah in tel aviv. >> trevor: wow. >> yeah. so we kind of wanted to take the "jesus christ superstar" pounding rock opera, like, we're going to israel and we're on a bus an we're going to change the world and we gave that to the family. >> trevor: i'm excited to watch it all. thank you so much for being on the show. >> thanks for having me. >> trevor: "transparent," september 22 on amazon. jill soloway, everybody! ( cheers and this is axe body spray. use it to stay fresh all day. and this is axe dry spray. use it to stay dry for 48 hours. why are you touching your armpit? i was just checking to see if it was dry. don't. that's weird. smell great and stay dry with axe. so, when she tried new tostitos hint of jalapeño chips... these tostitos are amazing. sarah says, "these tostitos are amazing." thanks for the sharing, amy. tostitos. bring the party. sfx: t-mobile mnemonic sfx: t-mobile mnemonic sfx: t-mobile mnemonic t-mobile's unlimited now includes netflix on us. that's right, netflix on us. get four unlimited lines for just forty bucks each. taxes and fees included. and now, netflix included. so go ahead, binge on us. another reason why t-mobile is america's best unlimited network. sfx: t-mobile mnemonic ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. we'll be back next week at 11:00. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> we are going to build the wall. it will be a real wall. >> impenetrable, physical, tall, powerful, beautiful, southern border wall. >> it's going to be a wall that's going to be way up there -- wow... >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ♪ ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." thank you so much for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. tonight's guests, promoting their new album "prophets of rage," chuck d and tom morello, joining us, everybody.

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