Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20170609 : comparemela.co

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20170609

Irrelevant in tonights proceedings. I will put cutie down. Cutie will choose the winner. Hi, cutie. Hi. Cutie. [cheers and applause] come here, come here. Cutie. Hris and kirby is the winner. Kirby, you have won the internet and cutie has won our hearts. Well see you all tomorrow night when our guests will be tom rhodes, Sean Donnelly and lucy davis. Until then, keep the game going on twitter by tweeting us midnight with your dogbroadway and become tomorrows tweet of the day. Thank you to paw works for all the work they do and people in your town who rescue dogs. Adopt a tko d from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show thank you so much for tuning in im trevor noah my guest tonight here to talk about her new movie beatriz at dinner, Salma Hayek Pinault is here, everybody ch and applause but first but first, you all know why were here its comey day the day is here, the fired f. B. I. Director breaks his silence, appearing in one of the most anticipated hearings in recent memory. Bars all across the country are opening early to host comey hearing viewing parties. Theyre offering a free round to everybody in the place every time President Trump tweets. He actually spoke to a gentleman who lives across the street. He says he doesnt typically g to a bar at 6 00 a. M. But because of this comey hearing, he absolutely wants to make it. Trevor this moment today is what i love about america. During a great moment of consequence for democracy, everyone is, like, lets make zany cocktails, yeah can i get a comeypolitan and a two my ties to russia, please. Thank you donald trump may not have tweeted but that didnt mean people didnt need a drink today. Coming into today, we already knew in the first day of trumps presidency he invited james comey to the white house for a oneonone dinner and demanded comey who was supposed to be politically independent give him a pledge of loyalty. Then later in a private Oval Office Meeting he asked the comey to drop the Michael Flynn russia investigation and when comey didnt drop it, trump fired him. Can we pause for a second and acknowledge how bat bleep crazy all of this is . Its normal for us but if you just woke up from a copa and heard all of this at one time, you would be screaming down the street with your ass out in one of those gowns going, how is he still president . How is he still president . so with all of that the stage was set for possibly one of the most serious hours in recent american history. The senates testimony of james comey. Wow, that did not match the feeling of the day at all. laughter today, james comey took his place in front of the Senate Intelligence committee to give his testimony on the trumpflynnrussia saga. Since hes 11 feet tall it took place in a room the size of nebraska where everyone was gathered to hear the former f. B. I. Director say whether he was, like, mad at the president or. Happening now, breaking news, lies and defamation, searing testimony by james comey repeatedly accusing the president and his administration of lying and defaming him and the f. B. I. The administration then chose to defame me and, more importantly, the f. B. I. By saying the organization was in disarray, that it was poorly led, that the workforce had lost confidence in its leader. Those were lies, plain and simple. Trevor whoa, whoa, whoa, james comey, calling the president a liar . How dare you tell us things we already know we didnt bleep for this we want new information applause so today comey gave really impressive testimony with details on every meeting, every phone call he had with trump, who, what, where, what facial expressions they had when they spoke, what they smelled like, everything, and the reason comey was able to go into such meticulous detail is, immediately after every single interaction he had with trump he wrote memos which james comey should be awarded for. Hes the only person who wanted to remember his meetings with trump. The only question is why . Now, youve had extensive experience at the the department of justice and at the f. B. I. Youve worked on for the president s of both parties. What was it about that meeting that led you to determine you needed to start putting down a written record . A combination of things. I think the circumstances, the subject matter and the person i was interacting with, i was honestly concerned he might lie about the nature of our meeting and, so, i thought it really important to document. Trevor ive got to say, this is the first time ive ever felt bad for ted cruz, yeah, because you know he was watching this thinking, wait, you guys just now figured out trump was a liar . He said my dad killed j. F. K. he said my daddy at least thats what i imagine happened because to one was actually rght watch the comey hearing with ted cruz so i dont know if thats how he reacted. But today i gained a new level of respect for james comey because throughout the time he served under President Trump, it was only today we got the sense of how freaked out he actually was. I remember thinking this is a very Disturbing Development and what made me uneasy was, at pat point, i was the director of the f. B. I. That gave me a queasy feeling, i couldnt possibly be having dinner for him alone. I got his his body language gave me the sense of, like, what aim going to do . Trevor this is why people always die in horror moveios i was getting a bad feeling about this and then i stayed to investigate further. I stayed to try and figure it out. If you had a black f. B. I. Director after the first meeting with trump he would have been, like, oh, hell, no, this is some obstruction, yo hey, yo, ivanka ivanka, give me the keys give me the keys, ivanka sorry, babe laughter from the very start overtodays hearing it was clear republicans and democrats wanted Different Things from comeys testimony. For the democrats, it was james comey please do what you did to hillary and knock trump out of the presidency and he did not give them that. Do you believe this arises to the obstruction of justice . I dont know, thats bob muellers job to sort that out. Trevor come on, comey we didnt come to see you differentiate between your role and the role of prosecutorial judgment. You cant handle the truth i didnt mean to shoot him i thought it was you walking through the door youre out of order yes, they deserve to die and i hope they burn in hell trevor thats what we wanted, comey we wanted madness, fireworks applause or at least thats what the democrats wanted because i mean the republicans had a different goal. You see, they know that what trump did with comey was highly irregular. In fact, paul ryan even said trump made a mistake because hes still learning government. I mean, youre the dumbasses who elected them. So republicans werent trying to say trump didnt make a mistake, they were saying that mistake was not obstruction of justice. According to republicans, trump did not tell comey to stop the investigations, it was just something he hoped would happen. laughter regarding allegations that the president of the United States obstructed justice, and, boy you nailed this on page 5, paragraph 3 that says, i hope this is the president speaking, i hope you can see your way clear to letting flynn go, he is a good guy, i hope you can let this go. He did not direct you to let it go. Not in his words, no. He did not order you to let it go. Again, those words are not in order. He h said i hope. You dont knowov anyone whos been charged for hoping something, is that a fair statement . Trevor i hope this bleep didnt just try to pull a fast one on us. I hope applause were add outs here, senator risch was making it sound like trump was innocently hoping, like language doesnt have subtext, like trump was a disney character standing out on a balcony singing. I hope Michael Flynn will be free some day i hope hell get away laughter thats not what happened trump ordered this is what happened trump ordered everyone to leave the room, everyone was in the office, trump ordered everyone to leave the room. Kushner, mike pence, even Jeff Sessions, who is comeys boss, by the way, he kicked them all out of the room, then turned to comey when they were alone and looked him in the eye and said i hope laughter come on, man. Thats not hope. Republicans basically wanted comey to common rate trump and he didnt. Democrats wanted comey to plirnl impeach and convict and jail trump. He didnt do that either. Or at least we think he didnt because, clearly, the senators kept all the juicy details for themselves. We are reconvene in closed session at 1 00 p. M. Today. We will be having a closed session shortly so well follow up on that. I dont think i can talk about that in an open setting heath r either. We can discuss those more in closed setting. I dont believe i can discuss that in an open setting. Do you believe donald trump colluded with russia . I dont think thats a question i can answer in an open setting. Trevor then what the hell are we watching the open session for . Why are we watching . applause you know, with all of these closed session answers, i felt like, after this hearing, we walked away with more questions than we had coming in. For instance, what involvement did other Trump Administration had with russia, closed session. Why did Jeff Sessions have to recuse himself from the russia investigation . Closed session. Is President Trump now under investigation . Closed session. Todays hearing was cool and everything but basically it was like listening to a clean version of a hiphop song. It felt like we missed all the explicit part and in the streets with my and i got that with the and the bad bad bad and the truth of going down with the what you know about the and you see with the big dont know you never see the and going with the and thats the truth and the man said laughter full lyrics available in the closed session. Well be right back. cheers and applause you wish to see. What i have seen . You will. When i. Kill you. The mummy. Rated pg13. Since i came to know you baibe ive been telling you how sweet youre. Ive been telling you how good youre. Please tell me how i look. You look so good, fantastic man. Hi guys. In the desert. Be here. At the mall. On the mountain. At school. At the beach. In the big easy. Yeah yeah today i want to show you guys the nextgen chevy equinox. What do you think . Thats pretty. Pretty sexy. It looks aggressive. But not overbearing. Its not too big. Not too small. Seems like the perfect car for anybody. I would take it anywhere. Shes a bad mama jama. laughter current qualified gm lessees can get this introductory lease on the allnew 2018 chevy equinox for around 249 a month. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. Track your pack. Set a curfew, or two. Make dinnertime device free. [ music stops ] [ music plays again ] a smarter way to wifi is awesome. Introducing xfinity xfi. Amazing speed, coverage and control. Change the way you wifi. Xfinity. The future of awesome. The daily show. Todays responses to the comey hearings are a perfect example of just how divide americans are on virtually every issue. Here with his perspective on that is our very own Jordan Klepper, everybody cheers and applause thank you. Thank you, trevor. Its true, we are a deeply divided nation, and it doesnt help that we have a president whos been stoking the flames on twitter. Highlighting divisions on issues like the f. B. I. , terrorism and basic spelling. However, earlier this week, after the london attack, there was one trump tweet that i could kind of get behind. Trump also injected a u. S. Policy debate over gun control in discussion today tweeting, do you notice were not having a gun debate right now, thats because they use knives and a truck. That tweet was classic trump, confusing, inflammatory, mentioned a truck. laughter but what was surprising was part of it was completely true. We with are not having a gun debate in america right now which is a shame because americas gun problem has not gone away. Trevor now, jordan, youve actually spent a lot of time out in the field investigating gun issues. Damn right, trevor, i have been in the bleep . Ive taken courses on active shooter response, my carry license and this thoughtprovoking back tattoo. laughter and yet despite my dedicated efforts, gun violence continues to plague america. Trevor that makes sense. Gun violence is not an issue any one person can solve. Wrong, im not a person. Im a comedian and comedians in this day and age have one purpose. Trevor to make people laugh . Wake up, trevor, its 2017. A comedians job is to change the world. Comedy central recently gave me the opportunity to do an hourlong special to accomplish one simple task changing every single mind in america. Its called Jordan Klepper solves guns. Roll it im in a war zone. Im going to embed in count with over 300 million guns, in 2013, 3,000 people died by gun violence, citizens are more likely to be murdered by a gun than any other civilization. Welcome to america. Well be right back well be right back. beeping good the country im talking about is america. Good is this go. crashing sounds trevor wait you you got paid to make that . Well, not yet. I mean, i assume i will, at some point. Trevor well, good luck. And good luck with your mission because seems americans are totally divided on guns, and the lines are pretty well drawn. Thats the thing. Its not just two sides. The truth about the gun debate is there are plenty of voices of moderation you dont hear because nuance doesnt make for good tv but i went with nuance. Trevor you say your nuance is not good tv no, a large swath of common sense ideas you dont hear about because theyre not traditionally exciting, and thats what im going to give you. Trevor youre giving us something thats not exciting. Thats not what im saying. I worked marred on this thing trevor so it feels like labor no, there are more americans on the same page than were led to believe but the gun conversation keeps getting hijacked pi the loud tion achtdage riest voices. Trevor that seems shut up, trevor there is a lot going on here trevor calm down, man. Sorry. Just super stressed about guns in america and whether or not im going to get paid. Trevor with a guy like you on top of the gun problem, i think we can safely say were all now very stressed. Great. Trevor thank you, jordan. 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Trevor please welcome Salma Hayek Pinault cheers and applause theyre so nice. Trevor oh, theyre wonderful. Theyre amazing. Let me start by saying thank you for a great movie. Beatriz at dinner, your character is basically a masseuse who comes to the United States from mexico, and she works for very, very rich people. When you look at this character and you look at yourself, what are the two things you can tie together where you go, oh, that was a piece of me and beatriz or a piece of beatriz and me . Theres one thing i want to share because i think everybody has this and i think its important and i think for me this is the most important theme of the movie, we all long for a place where there is purity, where you can feel pure. Trevor right. Even the other guy in this movie thats so obnoxious and sometimes such a jerk, this man, he actually thinks hes going to find it in hunting. Yes. Trevor but at least there is a hes looking for it. I think this is what can give hope to humanity, that we all long for a place, whether conscious or not, where you are pure. Trevor and if you look at this character, this man you clearly do not like even now that the movie is done no trevor hes a billionaire whose family loves hunting, hes really not nice and he believes the world is his to do with as he fees southeast fit. I dont know if it is safe to say that character was influenced by someone who may be laughter donald trump . Trevor oh, yeah, donald trump. applause was there a time . You know, the first idea that mike white had about this dinner was inspired by the fact that they had just culled cecil the lion. Trevor oh, yes, the dentist who killed cecil the lion. Yes, so it was not inspired or influenced, but when you watch the movie, its really strange. Its kind of uncanny, as if he could predict the future, mike white. I mean, as if he could hear some of the conversations in the future. Trevor is it true donald trump asked you on a date . Yeah. audience reacts trevor i would just like to know how he asks someone on a date, because i cant picture donald trump asking he didnt try to come and grab me for sure. laughter applause i was at an event with my boyfriend trevor oh, wow, okay. audience reacts and

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