i'm glad to hear that your spirits are up because i come to you tonight with terrifying news -- the internet is under attack! shut off your smartphones, close your laptops and remain focused on your tv. (laughter) unless you're watching me online right now, in which case, to keep you safe, i'm going to close all your other tabs. here we go. you're welcome. hey, folks -- (laughter) we can't be too careful, because your frenemies in china are spin ago worldwide web of lies. jim? >> the u.s. cyber war escalating to a whole new level. >> for the first time ever, charges filed against chinese state officials accusing them of espionage. >> the hackers working on behalf offto the chinese government specifically to pilfer information from u.s. companies. >> five officials work for a supersecret spy cell known as unit 61398 believed to be housed in this 12-story building in shanghai. >> stephen: yes, cyber spice! it's like a regular spy but instead of a tuxedo you wear an adventure time t-shirt with nacho stains. (laughter) the justice department has put out this wanted poster to help us identify these dangerous online criminals. so look for it at the post office, when you go pick up your email. (laughter) and it's a true rogue's gallery. for instance, gui chunhui -- who also goes by the alias kandygoo, a clever way to pass for an american, name yourself after our two most popular foods -- and the infamous wang dong, whose name in english translates to peter johnson, jr. (laughter) it is about time they nailed wang dong! i get email offers from wang dong all the time and the pills he soled me never arrived. now how will she call me mr. pleasure at sight of extraordinary power manhood? in an attempt to give an edge to chinese industries, these guys stole trade secrets from corporations like westinghouse, u.s. steel, alcoa and the renewable energy company solar world. of course, the chinese can't do their own sorely research since they no longer have access to the sun. (laughter) folks, this is a major threat to our financial future. the chinese already know how to manufacture all our electronics. now they're trying to learn how to design them. if they also figure out how to buy them and drop them in the toilet when they're drunk, america will have no no role in the world economy! and just listen to the devious way they cyber hacked our mainframe-bots! >> a favorite technique the government says, spear fishing, sending an innocuous looking email that when opened secretly installs mallware letting the hackers get access to company data. >> stephen: this exploits a weakness in our encryption software, the fact that at least one employee will click on it. there's your problem, that one stupid employee. i mean, how hard can it be just to not click on an email? i'll show you how it's done. here's what you do. open your email, okay, and if you see a message from someone you don't recognize, you delete it. now, the next thing you do -- hold on (computer sound) >> stephen: just got an email from mr. america q. safetrusty, subject "big job promotion meeting open now." sounds important. here we go. hmm, nothing in here about the promotion. maybe it's an attachment. oh, hey! it's a game! i just take the files on my desktop and feed them to this hungry panda. oh! he smiled when he ate our corporate strategy memo! huh-oh, time's running out. i'd better put everything in one folder. eat quick! high score! woo-hoo! you know who would love this? mu buddy who works at the pentagon and -- forward. (cheers and applause) folks, last week, my friend karl rove posed an innocent question -- does hillary clinton have brain damage? and ever since karl floated this idea or "dropped a floater" as we say in the pundit game, the republican party has faced accusations they are a bunch of squaredy cats. >> the republicans are so afraid of a hillary clinton candidacy they hope to talk her out of running. >> karl rove is very much afraid of hillary clinton. >> this is such a bunch of nonsense and i think it demonstrates how utterly afraid they are of her. >> stephen: ridiculous. we're not afraid of hillary clinton. if we were, why would by laughing like this? (starts out laughing, ends up sobbing) (laughter) besides, hillary is the one who's scared, just ask r.n.c. chairman and harry potter incantation reince priebus! jim, jim, accio clip! >> is she the candidate that you as the head of the republican party must fear? >> no, i don't fear. i think hillary is a known product. given the month she just had, i doubt she will run for president in 2014. >> stephen: folks, i beliebus priebus. (laughter) i mean, why would she run? in the past month, she faced new benghazi allegations, return of monica lewinsky, karl rove speculating on her brain damage and the rumors that she only got into the white house by sleeping with the president. (laughter) a lie? probably. but all those questions of character -- (applause) -- all those questions of character have to put a strain on her. i know coming up with them put a strain on me. (laughter) because running for president sounds fun but this isn't the '90s when republicans pampered the clintons by merely accusing them of murdering vince foster, one of their closest friends. this is 2014, and politics are really dirty now. take the mississippi senate race where just this morning a conservative blogger went into a nursing home, photographed the bed ridden wife of republican senator thad cochran without permission and posted the image online. if that's what conservatives are willing to do to each other imagine what they will do with hillary's secret bed ridden wife. now i'm not saying mrs. clinton's in a long-term committed loving relationship with a mature and handsome woman nameddine. i'm just saying it's out there and if she denies it, how diane gonna feel? >> if she goes into the fray, the gloves are off and the bell is ringing. >> i think what karl rove did in that little comment is he gave a real signal to the clintons that we're going to play, gloves will be off, don't think we'll give special treatment to mrs. clinton because she's a woman. >> stephen: huh-uh! ding ding! gloves are coming off! this is hand to hand combat and the g.o.p. will not be the jay-z to hillary's solange! (cheers and applause) for one thing, republicans would never get into an elevator with that many black people! (laughter) for another, just because hillary's a woman doesn't mean they're going to pull any political punches -- or punches, period -- because punching women is now okay, right tv people? >> if a woman hits you, to me, you have the right to hit her back. >> my wife is american indian, and she has this switch that goes off, and i go, okay, you can hit me 12 times. i go, one, two, three, and then after 12, i go -- >> you're saying you hit your wife? >> i've hit my wife. got bit by a woman on the collar bone and wouldn't let go. i went -- i had to get her off! other wise, i was going to die! >> stephen: hey, you can't blame bob for punching a woman for biting his collar bone. he's clearly delicious. once she got a taste of well-marbled beckle, there's no way she was going to stop! that meat is tender, she's marinating in his own sadness. point is, if we're going to stop hillary, nothing is out of bounds. we have to be completely vicious to her, because the only alternative is running a candidate people like. jim, who do we have on the bench? >> senator rand paul is the early frontrunner for republicans in 2016. >> mike huckabee jumped to the head of the pack. >> check the perry. ris christie. senator marco rubio talking 26 scenes -- >> stephen: oh, my god... (laughter) we've got to hit her hard! we'll be right back! (cheers and applause) this is smith & forge hard cider. it's like jasper here. strong. sturdy. but not too sweet. [ male announcer ] built from apples. built to refresh. smith & forge hard cider. made strong. smith & forge hard cider. ♪ t-mobile introduces 4g lte data for just 40 bucks a month. ♪ unlimited talk and text. and no overages. switch to t-mobile and we'll even pay your early termination fees. ♪ get it now at t-mobile. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! thank you so much! folks, back in the a block, i was talking about the internet. i love it. (laughter) never in human history have we had access to such a vast compendium of knowledge to ignore while we criticize photos of ben affleck as batman. nice cat ears. but the internet also has a dark side. it remembers every shameful thing you've ever done and that has hurt a lot of good people, also anthony weiner. even i am not immune. i recently glueingled myself and found some very disturbing old photos. i mean, what if my children stumble across that and find out i used to be a child! my children would lose all respect for me! you can't make me clean my room, you're just some old kid! (laughter) luckily, the european union has pioneered the answer. >> you have the right to be forgotten. that's what the e.u. court told google. >> european courts now requiring google to remove certain sensitive information from the web about customers. >> individuals can ask the search giant to remove links to news articles and court judgments among other things. it's been dubbed the right to be forgotten. >> stephen: yes, the right to be forgotten, first proposed by -- oh, what's his name? i don't know. anyway, i want to congratulate europe for taking this bold step. it's no wonder they did. i did some googling this afternoon. i could see what why europe would want to hide their past. i mean, the inquisition and the band that did barbie girl? the hague has their hands full. now anyone in europe can ask embog toll remove links and be able to get a clean slate -- politicians, the baby sitter, the nice young man next door who has to go door to door to tell neighbors he had something erased from the internet. they're not saying erase all records from the past but just can't google it, because without a search engine, the information couldn't have been connected but only with great difficulty. we have to make it harder to find information on the internet. and yahoo answers can only do so much. if only there were ways to store knowledge in a place wherist exists but no one will see or hear of it. perhaps we could print it occasionally then bind it and house it in a building you need a special card to access. yeah! yeah! now, that's the future. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) ♪ bacardi family. the fire of 1880 couldn't stop us. nor did prohibition in the 1920's. or exile from our home country in the 60's. the bacardi family didn't just survive, we thrived. because true passion can't be tamed. there werand i mean lean as it was a an understatement. but, we knew that if we stayed determined and if we could find the right tools, we're going to be a happy family, we'll be ok. with american express serve you have a full service prepaid account that helps you handle your money simply and affordably. all for just $1 a month. backed by the 24/7 service of american express. this is what membership is. this is what membership does. get started with an american express serve account today. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back! my guest tonight, about to be angry man. welcome matthew weiner! (cheers and applause) hey! nice to see you! >> nice to be here. >.>> stephen: i'm excited you're here. i'm a little sad on what we're talking about because we're thinking about the end of "madmen" here. the first half of the seventh and final season ends may 25, and the second half of the final season is next year. >> yes. >> stephen: what's occasionally known in tv as "next season." >> yes. >> stephen: okay, so was it your idea or the network's to split the season in half and -- milk it? (laughter) does don work on a dairy farm? why break it in half? >> they did this with "breaking bad." they split the last two seasons for an organic reason which is because they couldn't make the schedule, so had eight one year and then the next year and the show built in a huge way. >> stephen: it's been on for sen seasons -- seven seasons. let me summarize what happened. don smoked, banged everything on the eastern seaboard, sold california, sold some soap, was grim about it. and smoked some more. is he a criticism of the american male? because i'm an american male and should by taking this personally? >> i don't think it's meant as a negative thing. i always sort of thought that he was about the sort of split message that the american male gets, that you are told that you -- to be attractive -- on the one hand, you have to be, like, you know, little league coach and, like, p.t.a. guy, great husband, great dad. on the other hand, you are supposed to smoke as much, intrirchg as much and get laid as much as possible. >> stephen: and get the other guy. >> and be carnivorous in business. >> stephen: right. those two things, i'm always surprised how much people get off on him winning, but i don't judge him at all. none of this is supposed to be a judgement of the audience. >> stephen: i was afraid he was judging me. when the show started, he was a shiny object, fun, sexy, but as it goes on, he becomes an even more complex character. why present something complex? why can't i just be kind of fun and sexy, you know, good looking guy and then take all that inner life and just keep it down until one day it just kills me and then, you know, my loved ones read my letters and cry forever? (laughter) that is the theory. >> what you just described is a good theory. >> stephen: this is 1969. yeah. >> stephen: are you ending the show because you're afraid to show '70s fashions? (laughter) are you too big a coward to show fringe and leisure suits? >> it gets bad. having grown up in that period, my dad had a giant red mustache and bowling shoes and a blazer. >> stephen: what was your mother like? >> she had a lightly bleached mustache. >> stephen: that's nice (laughter) bunicelaughing. >> stephen: we even have sainted figures throughout the 1960s with both kennedys and king. but this vision we're getting of individuals' lives is not necessarily a happy one. don't you have any happy memories of the 1960s? i was born in 1964 and 1969 was so happy. i was always with my mom and listening to "the association" on the radio. (laughter) >> i was born in '65 and i was always listening to spanky and our gang and my dad listened to judy collins. no, but i had a happy memory. there is a positive element to it which is like you recognize parts of your life. but i really wanted to tell the story that our view of the '60s has been passed down by a certain generation that was even a little bit older than you and i are. and they have a very rosy picture -- >> stephen: the baby boomers. yes. >> stephen: they won't let us stop thinking about it? >> they think they invented sex, drugs, you know. >> stephen: yep. o they have a view of it that is a child's view of it. so i wanted to say what would it be like to be an adult who lived through fairly interesting things like world war ii and the great depression and then this comes along. and there was tremendous change and the cliche turbulence and free love. but there was free love in the 1920s and the 1930s, the beatnick movement. none of this is new. but they got a lot of education, spending money, focus of the economy, everything, there was a war going on which they were supposed to fight and some didn't, but as a generation before them all of them fought, and they have a very sort of demanding -- i experience it in real life. they'll come up and say what happened to this or that? and i'm, like, i'm not telling your story. i'm telling the story of your parents or your grandparents. so i don't have a judgment on it, necessarily -- that sounded really judgmental, it did -- (laughter) i don't know. i -- >> stephen: look in the mirror. >> yeah, if you're looking for an ending for the series, you worked on the sopranos, okay. >> yes. >> stephen: a great ending to this series "madmen" would be if, in the last episode, don turned to the camera and explained the ending of the sopranos. (laughter) (cheers and applause) thank you so much. >> thank you so much, it's a pleasure! >> stephen: we'll be right back! back! (cheers and applause) hey, long time... thank you. here's to that friend you've known since forever. the one who's been through it all with you. from playoff wins... to girlfriends lost. a guy you know better than anyone. even if you've never called him by his real name. hey, dad. buddy. ♪ ♪ [ female announcer ] is your morning trying to tell you something? ♪ maybe we should have gotten him one? [ female announcer ] sweet, chilled, creamy mccafé iced coffee from mcdonald's. wait! that's the teleprompter guy. [ female announcer ] another reason to love mccafé. ♪ [ female announcer ] another reason to love mccafé. ♪ ♪ >(cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org it's 11:59 and 59 seconds, this happened on youtube today. [ cheers and applause ] >> that is india's solution to public urination, the pissing tanker with which is what r. kelly calls his escalade. >> india, i know such a current reference. >> india has such a peeing problem they are driving around and spraying offenders with a taste of their own wet medicine. they are spraying them with water, not with pee, that would defeat the purpose. >> it is not the pissing tanker india wants, it is the pissing tanker that india deserves. >> so comedians p

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