This is the colbert report captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Ill be with you in a second. Stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen cheers and applause all right, thank you so much. Im sorry, nation, ill be with you in a moment. Ill be right there, folks. I just have to sorry, folks. Ill do it in a moment. I just cheers and applause im just desperately trying to secure my data, folks, you see, like you. Im in a deep panic because we are facing the greatest security brief in internet history. A major Security Threat making lots of people who use the internet a new bug affecting twothirds of all major web sites. And it allows them to steal their personal data, called heart bleed. It was undiscovered for more than two years and anything sent during that time has potentially been compromised during that time. Your personal data is not compromised unless youre one of those techies who use the internet in the last two years. So you are totally saying Ted Kaczynski and old japanese her hit living in a jungle thinking world war ii is still going on. You see, the bug, heart bleed potentially exposes passwords, creditcard numbers and the contents of your emails. Call me naive but i thought that was the kind of private information that was between me and the nsa. Folks, i cannot believe it. The internet was supposed to be a lawless frontier where all of humannities desires an vices perjuried into a royally collected id held in check by a barely regulated technical abstractions i dont understand. How did that get out of control . And were all potential victims here. I could have been scammed by any one of my most trusted sites. Real gull barrian ivory. Com. Nondescript powder. Org even pure silver mortgage team. Haiti. Biz or the site where i found all those, yahoo mail. laughter but nation, you can still protection your protect yourselfs from heart bleed with this one weird trick. Security experts say Internet Users should change all of their passwords. Oh, already on it. I dont want to brag but my security guy emailed me as soon as this broke. Not only is he a tech expert hes also the rightful heir to a oil fortune. Told me i needed an extra secure password. He suggested the first 16 digits of my credit card followed by the last nine digits of my Social Security number. There you go. And now to double the encryption by a taching a High Resolution scan of my signature, and the outline of my house key. There you go. I will sleep well tonight. Of course, heart bleed isnt the only scandal in the world of tech. There is also the bleedsing hearts because the left wing loud mouths have now destroyed the reputation of my good friend tech pioneer brendan eich. I like eich. In fact i have been called something of an eichman. You probably know eich as the creator of javascript unless you have a girlfriend. Two weeks ago two weeks ago brendan eich was named c. E. O. Of mozilla known for his open source web browser firefox. No, i dont want to update right now. Im in the middle of my show. Jimmy, please. Thank you, jim. As soon as eich got the job a report surfaced that in 2008 he donated 1,000 to support a california prop 8 which outlawed samesex marriage. So gay internet activists for lgbthttp got more than 70,000 people to sign a petition asking eich to resign and the dating service okcupid blocked firefox on its web site leaving many of its users to text google chrome, what . cheers and applause faced with in boy on boycott, eich resigned because when gay people want someone to resign, hes out in a week. But when i want someone to resign its always oh, i was elected or im the voice of god, or sir, for the last time only members of the geek squad are allowed back here. Thankfully, my good friend at fox news blew this story into proportion. We should all be very afraid. Why does a guy have to leave a dream job for voicing his opinion. So much for free speech. Some of for free speech. So. Nor tolerance. They say they are tolerance rant but they are not. They say totalitarian discourse and it shows a level intolerance that is absolutely, it should be unacceptable. This is the irony, isnt it. People punishing someone in the name of tolerance. It comes from a fascist society. It is a shame that it is the gay community, at least the gay establishment that is learning how to goosestep at this point. Yes, the gays are goosestepping. We all remember when hitler circulated that petition asking for poland to resign after it prevented him from marrying evan braun. Folks, a man has just lost his job for trying to ban samesex marriage. Meanwhile, there are only 29 states left where i can still fire someone for being gay. I mean i had to take all my gay employees on a business trip to alabama just to can them. And the next thing you know, the next thing you know, i will be forced into the closet for my beliefs. Every where i go people assume im okay with gay marriage but i will know in my heart that that is not who i am. And no one can ever make me believe it gets better, because frankly, things are pretty great for me right now. Here to persecute me further is blogger, founder of the dish and a man who is a gay, so hes obviously in favouring of firing brendan eich. Mr. Andrew sullivan. Thanks so much for coming back. Okay, andrew, lets have telephone. Your side won, lets have your end zone dachblts you got the scalp of brendan eich, go . Well, forgive me, im not going quite glochlt i actually think we have come a long way on gay rights because open, tolerance, persuaded people by reason and havent jumped down everybodys votes who disagreed with us and call them a bigot and get them fired. I just dont like that kind of ten or and that impulse so punish people the things that they ser sin veerly believe. Sincerely believe. Laugh latch laugh laughter you have lost me here, youve lost me here for a second is that some kind of gay code that im to the getting . Or something . How you can how you cannot, how you can youre gay married. I am very gay married. That guy didnt want you to be able to be gay married and you still think people without support gay marriage should still do business with him. Not if they dont want to. But i think when people are forced to resign, when people start losing their jobs, when people in the workplace especially are under threat, will feel threatened, the things they do completely outside the workplace, their political views, in california if you actually fired someone for political view you disapproved of, it would be against the law. In other words, you dont want to bring this kind of Political Warfare into the workplace. Youve got to be able to get along with people who sincerely, passionately you disagree with. No, we dont, no, no cheers and applause no look, look what youve done. Look what youve done. Youve done something worse than make my audience gay, youve made them reasonable. Okay. But listen, i live my life by a policy, someone disagreed with me, i put my head on a spike and i say this was my enemy. Now i have his head. Isnt that the way you guys got your gay rights. Arizona introduces some law about gay marriage, boycott arizona. Come on, you cant tell me you guys didnt use real muscle. No, totally boycotts and social pressure are fine. Where i draw the line is when we start targeting individuals for punishment or calling them heretic or bigots or haters without giving them the chance to really explain themselves, to talk and assess they are reasonable human beings that might have come to this conclusion for good reason. Now look, i think we have actually persuade people, we have made arguments. And i dont think that everybody today didnt support same sex marriage is a hateful bigot. I dont. I think a third of the country have changed their mind were they all bigots ten years ago. I think barack obama changed his mind. Was he a bigot in 2009. Of course not. Hes a bigot now. laughter you know what, i, i i may i may not agree with what you say but i will fight to the death for my right to have you fired for saying it. Andrew, thank you so much. cheers and applause andrew sullivan, well be right back. If you can pack this much irony into one moment. Then we can pack full 7up flavor into only ten calories. Thats the power of ten. 7up ten. Also in these brands. Its like jasper here. Strong. Sturdy. But not too sweet. [ male announcer ] built from apples. Built to refresh. Smith forge hard cider. Made strong. You stand behind what you say. Theres a saying around here, around here you dont make excuses. You make commitments. And when you cant live up to them, you own up, and make it right. Some people think the kind of accountability that thrives on so many streets in this country has gone missing in the places where its needed most. But i know youll still find it when you know where to look. Welcome back, everybody, thanks so much. Nation, i dont think its any secret. I hope everybody out there knows it. I am a huge van of women. But i dont feel i dont feel i need to pander to them. Theyre too smart for that, isnt that right, ladies . Whooo sadly, our copander in chief spent yesterday kissing up to women on something called equal payday, jim . Today the average fulltime working woman earned just 77 cents for every dollar a man earns, equal payday means that a woman has to work about this far into 2014 to earn what a man earns in 2013. Just to get the same amount of pay, womens work year is three months longer. But good news, if you are 38 years old, financially you are just 29. An laughter the president the president didnt just talk in front of women. De something for them. The president obama will sign two executive orders at closing the pay gap between men and women and giving women more information. Salary transparentsy so they know if theyre being paid fairly. Hey, theres already plenty of transparency that is why it is called the glass ceiling. You dont want to you dont want to stand on that thing in a skirt. Besides, obama is a big fat hip script. One study found the median salaries for female staffers at the white house is 88 cents for every dollar a male staffer earned. laughter and i heard one woman in the white house doesnt get paid at all. In fact, she has been forced to grow her own food. Its sad. Folks, i tell you, this is nothing, this is absolutely nothing. applause this is nothing but a cheap political stunt to court women voters by responding to their concerns. It is shameful. And the tv agrees. Its also clearly about politics, in november as democrats try to put republicans on defense with female voters. This has nothing do do with improving the situation of women in the workplace. The president is just hoping that the 30,000 that the people will take home will be all right, republicans are against equal pay for women and president obama is for it. Great point pan terous and you know fox doesnt pay her any less because she is a woman. They pay her less because less a a brunet. Less a a brunet. Well be right back. Yes, i understand the fact that being made out of delicious chocolate makes me high risk for insurance companies. But i still believe i deserve coverage. And furthermore, i have been here for 15 minutes, which means. Well, you know. Um. Geico only insures humans. Insuring a delicious piece of chocolate. Id lose my job for that. And then what would i do . Woot woot. Guess what day it is . Save it hump boy. Woot woot. Guess what day it is . Ill have the deconstructed marvelous choice. How exactly does one deconstruct a martini . Its not so much deconstruction of a martini as it is a steampunk reboot of a martini. First we start with the essentials, of course smirnoff and ice. You know were muddling some cardamom. This is actually tap water from the library of congress. Were just gonna spritz that in there. I like to really curate my herbs. No. You actually have to have a permit to operate one of these but i dont. Freshly slapped sage and then like the barest suggestion of mint. You cant really shake it like this if your chakras arent as well balanced as mine are. I do not like the way those leaves are resting. And, voila i went to seven years of school for that in stockholm. Smirnoff. For the perfect martini, vodka tonic and whatever that is. Thats why i got a new windows 2 in 1. It has exactly what i need for half of what i thought id pay. And i dont need to be online for it to work. It runs office, so i can do schedules and budgets and even menu changes. But its fun, too with touch, and tons of great apps for stuff like music, cause a good playlist is good for business. I need the bosss signature for this. Im the boss. Honestly i wanna see you be brave welcome back, everything, my guest tonight is fro from please welcome sheryl sandberg. Hey, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me. All right, are you the coo of facebook. Before that you worked for google, were chief of staff at the treasury department, an economist at the world bank. You are also a best selling author and founder of leanin. Org and you got a new book called leanin for graduates. Uhhuh. Stephen okay. First of all, tell me, i hear a lot about this leanin thing. Okay. Can anybody leanin or do only women leanin . Anyone can leanin. Anyone. And we like it when men do it as well. How do men and women leanin differently . Well, they leanin for the same reason, maybe different. They leanin to create a better world which should be a more equal world. One where women ran half our companies and man ran half our homes. And so they each have their part to play. Stephen all right. Now i read a study where the more housework men do, the less sex they have. So that study is based on a 1996 study. And its very out of date. Here is what the data shows. The data says that if you share chores more evenly which doesnt really happen now but could, you are happierier, if are you happier you have more sex. I tell men in you want more sex with your wife, dont buy flowers, do laundry and this works. Stephen isnt there a danger i will end up having sex with the made though . I dont think so. Stephen okay. This works. Stephen im all for women working. I love women working. I have women who work here t they are fantastic. You work. I do. Stephen so but what about the old thing i was told you know i read, you know, i didnt read. I heard, i heard that women cant have it all. How do they have it all. What about having the babies. Because men through no fault of our own have no womb. Okay. Ive tried. Thats right. So we tell women they cant have it all. And by that mean they cant work and have kids but nasss absurd because 70 of mothers in our economy work and have to work. And so they are going to work and have kids. And the way we can get that to work out is if when women are coming into the workforce, like we try to advise in this book, they can reach, get the right jobs, get paid the same as men. Stephen congratulations on equal payday, by the way. Yeah. Thank you. You know, women come into the workforce, come into the workforce and they make less than men. And part of the reason is that they cant negotiate as effectively because when a man negotiates, we think he should be looking out for himself. When a woman does. Stephen hell ya, we put our balls out there on the table. Im all in, put them on the belt. Thats right, a new kind of leaning in, but when a women negotiates she pays a penalties. Stephen what is the penalty. Theyre not liked. When they advocate for themselves and if they are not liked they dont get the raises and promotions so there a chapter in the new book from a compensation expert and she teaches women how to negotiate so communal language. Explain why the salary are you looking for is not just important for you, but it will help you do a better job to the organization. Stephen speaking of women not looking out for themselves and not thinking they can stand up for themselves, su have a problem with its word bossi. What is the problem with the word boss, some people are bossi. Yeah, well, that word is used lot more with it is getting at a very real problem which is that by junior high more girls, pore boys want to lead than girls. And when you ask them why, they dont want to be called bossi. And so we put out a series of leadership tips for parents how all of us treat our sons and daughters equally. And for girls because if we want equal representation at the table where decisions are made, we need to encourage leadership and we need to start young doing. Stephen but isnt, you know, telling people what words not to say kind of pushy . Or even bossi. Stephen oh, i would never say bossi. Never say bossi. Stephen because someone might bite my head off. Well, this goes way beyond a word and its really about systemic encouragement of little girls and i think is something we can change. Stephen i have women in my wife. I have a daughter. How i do encourage her to lean in. Shes in the a graduate yet but how do i encourage her. So by junior high parents have higher aspirations in terms of leadership for their sons than their daughters, so when they talk to their sons about their future, they ask them, like how are you going to change the world, bigger questions, with the daughters they dont ask the same questions. Ask the same questions look at your daughter and say how are you going to lean n what do you want to be different. Stephen why do i have to use the name of your book. You dont, you dont. Thats optional. Its optional. Stephen s thiss incredible. Marketing. You just did, it was amazing. But thats parts optional but the ambition is not optional. Because we want to engrain embrace am bills. Next time you see someone call a little girl bossi walk up to them and say that little girl is not bossi that little girl has executive leadership skills. Stephen so get off, get off the sea saw, its her turn. Or share the seesaw because will you make better decisions together. When women are at the table making decisions with men, i know that is hard to imagine, but the decisions are better. Stephen were doing right now. Right now, here we are. Stephen are you at my table right now. Were sharing our table and were changing the world one word at a time. And i appreciate that sses youre welcome. But you didnt need my permission, you could have come and done my show without asking. Really . Stephen yeah, this is your table too. Think any time. Thank you. Stephen any time you want to come back and if you can get past security, are you absolutely sheryl sandberg, lean in, for graduates. Well be right back. I dont want him in the framily the more people we have, the more we save. He already owes me money for like 4 pizzas. We all get separate bills. Besides, if you dont like gordon why did you invite him this weekend . I didnt invite him. He just, like, shows up its pronounced gordon. [ dad ] hey lets go those tacos arent going to eat themselves over there. Tacos [ dad ] you look great, by the way. [ male announcer ] start a sprint framily and everyone gets separate bills. The bills are separate . [ male announcer ] and now preorder the Samsung Galaxy s5 for 0 down and get a galaxy tab 3 for free. Happy connecting from sprint. She would probably say yes. Thats why i dont ask. Too shy, or too scared . Too busy you need to keep both eyes open. [ grunts