cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report. Welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us. Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen thank you. Stephen thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen. cheers and applause thanks so much, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for joining us. And, folks, i especially want to thank all the black people joining us tonight. The i will get to my coverage of black History Month in just a moment. But im sorry, apparently all straight people are now legally required to make wedding cakes for gay people. Because last night, Arizona Governor and diner waitress working a 60hour shift, jan brewer, vetoed sb1062, a bill protecting my religious right to deny sodomites pastry. And just listen why. Senate bill 1062 does not address a specific or present concern related to religious liberty in arizona. I have not heard one example in arizona where a Business Owners religious liberty has been violated. Stephen excuse me, governor. Just because you dont see religious liberty being violated, doesnt mean it doesnt exist. You have to have faith and believe that gays are destroying christianity. laughter and i have that faith, and i see gay attacks everywhere i look. Like on this miraculous image on my Grilled Cheese sandwich. There it is. Look at that gay ormy right there. laughter plain as days, folks. Usually, i only see jesus in my Grilled Cheese sandwich oh, boy, hes in there, too. I have to get him out thereof. Jesus is safe now in my tumtum. Lets get back to my celebration of black history. I will be dedicating the rest of february African American heritage. It is sich a rich, multifaceted culture for white people to embrace and make less black. For instance, jazz. We smoothed that out for you, youre welcome. applause and, ladies and gentlemen, while not all of us are blark we are all victims of racism. Slavery is americas original sin, our primal wound, and 150 years later, its terrible legacy still looms over American Life so large that its almost impossible to talk about race without offending someone, especially koreans. laughter theyre a humorless people. But now something can finally be done to lift the painful burden of racism once and for all. It comes from a story i heard on npr. Now, i know, but i was driving a rental and the knob was torn off. laughter applause it was a report on the National Longitudinal survey of youth, which tracked young people over 19 years to see how their lives had changed, and one of the researchers, stanford sociologist aliya saperstein, found something truly shocking. Saperstein found that the racial classification of people in the survey seemed to change over time. What our Research Challenges is this idea that the race of an individual is fixed. 20 of the respondents experienced at least one change in how the interviewer perceived them by race over the course of different observations. Stephen yes, your race can change over time. Much like in the winter, john boehner fades from pumpkin to butternut. cheers and applause laughter while this is amazing, its extraordinary story. So what would cause someones race to change i say you ask . Well, if someone in the study went to jail, the interviewer was more likely to see the person as black. No wonder those white power prison gangs are so scary. Theyre all black guys. laughter point is, americans believe black people do certain things. Therefore, people who do those things must be black, or as npr put it, its not just our perceptions of race that drive our stereotypes, but our stereotypes that drive our perceptions of race. Yes, our perceptions of race are driven by racial stereotypes, which is why theyre always getting pulled over. laughter now, incredibly, you can even undergo a race change after youre dead because the study found that when people had tied as a result of homicide, Funeral Directors were more likely to list the person as being black and if the person died of alcoholic cirrhosis, the funeral director was more likely to list the person as being native american. And they list you as white if you chocked on kale chips while dancing to jason mraz laughter applause stereotypes can even change what race you think you are because when people went to prison they became more likely to think of themselves as black. The good news is, its a twoway street. Because for positive experiences, the effects are in the opposite direction. Folks i believe we can use americas inescapable racism to defeat americas inescapable racism. Heres how it would work. Minorities have to behave in ways that change our perception of our race. For instance, mexicans, you lotu complain about all the mexicans coming here to steal our jobs. laughter think about it. Right now, theres a mexican doing your job, and sleeping with your wife. laughter and, native americans, if you turn those casinos into tech support call centers, suddenly youre an actual indian. laughter of course, the quickest way to achieve racial equality is to just send everyone to prison. Then we would all be black. And once were all black, maybe americans will finally realize it does not matter what color you are. So i pick white. I wonder what race that makes me seem like . You guys ever try one of these bars made over at right twix . Why . Our special cookie is cascaded with caramel and cloaked in chocolate. You never wondered . [ whoosh zap ] [ glass breaks ] aah [ male announcer ] try both. Pick a side. Twix. [ male announ er ] try both. Switch to tmobile well pay your familys early termination fees an entirely new menu created with your busy schedule in mind. Pronto lunch starting at 6. 99. Handmade italian sandwiches, flatbreads, and our signature soup and salad. Starting at 6. 99. And all served pronto at olive garden. The next time you rent a dvd, dont bother rewinding it. The way i see it, its the next guys problem. Oh, larry. She thinks im crazy. Mmhmm. But would a crazy person save 15 on Car Insurance in just 15 minutes . [ chuckles ] [ male announcer ] 15 minutes for a quote is crazy. With esurance, 7½ minutes could save you on Car Insurance. Welcome to the modern world. Esurance. Backed by allstate. Click or call. cheers and applause . Stephen welcome back, everybody. To my ongoing coverage of black History Month. Of course, a sad and repulsive chapter of black history is the ku klux klan. Last year, i told you how klansmen were arrested for offering to sell jewish groups a workable death ray. Well, recently, thanks to my longstanding google news alert for klan death ray, i learned there was an update. An upstate man has just pled guilty to helping build a deadly xray machine that uses radiation to kill people. Authorities say they were tipped off to the portable xray device after crawford approached local jewish groups because he wanted their help in killing muslims. Stephen yes, justice was done. Theyre a vile, despicable hate group, but i cant help feeling a little inspired by the way these klansmen overcame their hatred of jews to serve a greater cause their hatred of muslims. Ive always thought of the klan as a bunch of rednecks from our shameful racist past. Well, it turns out i was wrong. Because theyre a bunch of rednecks from our shameful racist future. I was so moved by this story of hope that i did the obvious thing i turned it into a cartoon. laughter cheers and applause a cartoon that answers the question what if the klan completed their death ray and used it for good . As for the other question youre asking yourself right now no, im not bleep you. Now, my network didnt want me to air this cartoon tonight, sending this inflammatory email that resident, were a little concerned with this, especially because it is airing during black History Month. Thats right. The man is trying to keep me down now, were they polite about it . Yes. Were they making a reasonable point . Absolutely. Do i have a problem where i overreact to being told what to do . You bet your ass i do. cheers and applause i believe i must air this during black History Month. If i dont, id be treating black people differently, and that is something i only do subconsciously laughter applause now, ill be honest with you, nokes, i may not like what this cartoon says but i will fight to the death for the right to air it because i do not have anything else ready. Is it right to run this cartoon tonight . I dont know. Ill let history be the judge. Black history. And now, ladies and gentlemen, i give to you, laser klan. Mr. President. The alien warship will enter our atmosphere in one hour and all of our weapons are useless against it. Were the most powerful nation on earth america must have something that can stop them. What was that . Well, there is laser klan. laughter seriously, what have we got . Mr. President , sometimes you have to work with people who dont like you. Thats all i do. laughter if we, hands to the ninth power in the cyclotrommic acceleration center. Now were at full white power. One aaa transistent restraint. Hello, this is president barack obama. Im looking for the laser people. You mean laser klan. Uh, yes. Its go time. Mr. President , were high pressured to help america in its time of need. Because we got nothing against black people. We only want to celebrate our heritage. Uhhuh. Can you defeat these aliens . Yes, sir. Just got one question . What color are they . Who cares, theyre aliens. Theyre gray. Okay, thats not white. White women. Laser klan confederate. Oh yay what power . Well, that happens. Mr. President , it was an honor to save america. Thank you for giving us a chance. Is there anything youd like to say to us . Yes. The American People must never hear of this because theyll panic when they find out about the aliens. Sure. Thats why. You guys are the luckiest white house tour ever. The president is meeting with some advisers. No, no, no. We just saved the world. Thank you. Dont thank them. What a racist laser klan cheers and applause stephen yeah. Im not sure if that was the right thing to do. Adult swim i might be looking for work. For work. Well be hey guys sorry were late. Did you run into traffic . No, just had to stop by the house to grab a few things. You stopped by the house . Uhhuh. Yea. Alright, whenever you get your stuff, run upstairs, get cleaned up for dinner. You leave the house in good shape . Yea. Yea, of course. [ sportscaster talking on tv ] lastsecond field go yea, sure ya did. [ male announcer ] introducing at t digital life. Personalized Home Security and automation. Get professionally monitored security for just 29. 99 a month. With limited availability in select markets. Cookie cascaded with silky caramel and cloaked in chocolate. The bar that takes the high road. Unlike those notalent clowns over at left twix. Twix. Try both. Pick a side. Unlike those notalent clowns over at left twix. An entirely new menu created with your busy schedule in mind. Pronto lunch starting at 6. 99. Handmade italian sandwiches, flatbreads, and our signature soup and salad. Starting at 6. 99. And all served pronto cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight is in the new wes anderson movie, so at some point in this interview, Jason Schwartzman will probably show up. Please welcome jeff goldblum. cheers and applause hey, jeff. Good to see you again. Nice to have you on. Nice to be here. Stephen to see you again, man. Obviously Everybody Knows youre a friend of the show. Its your sixth time on the show. cheers and applause . First time we got to have a conversation together. Im thrilled, very honored. Stephen now, ive never said this to you, ive never said this to you, but you know i dont trust the hollywood elite. Yes, sir. Stephen but youre different. Really . Thank you. Stephen because the market has spoken and are you box office gold, okay . cheers and applause i believe in the free market. Youve been in some of the biggest movies of all times. Do you fit in out in hollywood with all the are you a liber liberal . laughter i wasnt going to press the issue, but now that youve brought it up, yes, i would say that im if i had to put my cards on the table im on the side of the more progressive thinkers. cheers and applause . I know. Im sorry. Stephen im going to do you a favor. Im going to do you a favor. Jimmy, lets cut that part out, okay . Youre in the new wes anderson film the grand budapest hotel. Okay. I saw this thing last night. Yeah, thank you. Stephen i was deeply moved and its stuck with me for the last 24 hours. Why was i so deeply moved by it . Because, while the movie is beautiful, i think when i watch a wes anderson movie, the emotional moments the moments of crisis for the characters, not a lot goes on. The camera just haipgz o hangs e person, and then i start crying. And then you start crying. Stephen and then i start crying. I felt very moved by it, too. I was very knocked out by it, too. Its mysterious. Hes a genius. He knows how to mick a movie that works, that does something to you mysteriously. Although, hes devoted his life to craft and to passion and to making these telling these stories. So, you know, its beyond me and my understanding, but i feel the same way that its very effective. This movie is about isnt this what its about . Its about rau laughter its about the telling of a story by a wonderful storyteller, remembering a great soul who is the embodiment of love, and you leave the theater filled with a kind of unusual ecstasy and enlightenment. Socalled. Isnt that true . Stephen i didnt follow a lot of that. laughter applause i thought it was i thought it was funny. Its hilarious. Stephen i thought it was funny. Its hilarious. Stephen it really is. The whole movie is and you can say this about a lot of his movies its a confection. The hotel looks like a cake boss cake. I dont know cake boss. Stephen you dont know cake boss . Who knows cake boss . cheers and applause welcome to the United States of not manhattan, jeff. Im sorry. Stephen cake boss is a show its the greatest show on television, next to mine, really. We have very similar values. Its like this, you know, sort of this confection of a hotel, almost like its made out of frosting in some ways. It would make a great cake for a gay wedding, is what it would do. It certainly would. Stephen the story itself is something of a confection, but when you cut into it, theres meat there. Its eye meat cake. Its a meat cake. Well put, well put. True enough. Stephen yeah, hes its an art installation to see his things and to work on these movies its beautifully designed. Stephen how do you get invited . How do you get invited to do it . Does an ancient indian man show up on a huffy bicycle wearing a very tiny suit and hand you a calligraphyed invitation, that sees, please tip this man, he thinks he is a child. Do not destroy his illusions. You just made that up. Where did you get that from . Yes thats fantastic. Stephen ive read his next script. Fantastic. Yes, im not sure what you mean, but the general poetic impression is correct. Its like cosmic transcendental invitation to take an acid trip of some kind. Stephen i dont know what an acid trip is. Is that like drinking the slurpee too fast . Some people dont get a brain freeze. Stephen do you get a brain freeze . Yes, i do. Stephen all the people in this film look so fun. Do you spend time together at night . Do you go out eating or drinking . It was fantastic. Wes anderson, genius that he is, wants to make not only a very particular, finished, beautiful film, but he wants to make the shooting an art project in itself. That is to say, every day is a wonderful, special event, an experience. So we went to this great place, and he gathered this great bunch of people edward norton, Jason SchwartzmanStephen Harvey keitel. And rain fines, beautiful performance. And we take over this hotel, we were all exclusively in one fairy tale hotel, and like a dorm. I was down the haul from willem dafoe. And each night after shooting, wes has a chef of his come and provide a very special, interesting dinner at a certain time right after shooting. And we talk. And i was there for six weeks. Stephen do you need somebody to just, like, carry the scripts around because that sounds like a lot of fun . Its the most fun you can possibly have. Besides this. Aside from this. laughter . Stephen jeff, thank you so much for joining me. Jeff goldblum, everybody. Well be right back. Mmmm, ciabatta. Notta ciabatta. He musta forgotta. Introducing wendys new ciabatta bacon cheeseburger. With roasted, chopped tomatoes and rich rosemary garlic aioli. I gotta ciabatta now thats better. Yo,move fast fruit flavor,fe, watermelon, blue razz green apple. Your taste buds dancing. Its the jolly rancher, we make it happen. Untamed fruit flavor. Jolly rancher. You get 4 lines onw at ts network. Ilies including unlimited talk unlimited text. And 10 gigs of data to share. 10 gigs . 10 gigs. All for 160 dollars a month. You know, i think our family really needed this. Its really gonna bring us closer together. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Introducing our bestever family pricing for instance, a family of ur gets 10 gigs of data with unlimited talk and text for 160 dollars a month. Only from at t. Its an invitation to stop and savor the unmistakable taste that reminds us that life is delicious. cheers and applause . Stephen thats the report, everybody. Good nigh captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york this is the daily show with jon stewart. cheers and applause jon hey, everybody, welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. We have put together another frahm for you tonight that we believe is excellent, kevin roose will be here with his book downmoney either about i believe its other about the culture of wall street or lil wayne, i think its young money, they toll me that is what they call lil wayne, i dont i dont really know that. laughter [bleep] i am old. Right now i think three hip young interns are doing this. laughter but in honor of young money we turn to the worlds youngest money, who is a new currency, you are, yes, are you. Along with the dollar and the euro there is a new kind of currency called the bitcoin. You cant put it in your pocket, it trades only on the internet