Tonight, my favorite and most talked about interviews of the year. The most important thing to remember is i did not punch the guy. Superstars. We have this amazing job, just show up and be prepared. Can dals. Any excuse i make, whether it was a rough time in my life, people there, my friends, they baited me, none of that matters. I love maria. Shes been truly the only love that ive ever had. The laughs. Youre not pronouncing it correctly. Its 50 shades of chartreuse. You look fantastic. The stories that shocked us. If you want to get high, youre going to get high. From heavyweights. I know how to handle them. I dont want to beat them up. To the fastest human alive. Its one of the biggest things to me. Without a doubt, the most explosive and dangerous interview my entire life. Where are you going, im interested in what happened . No, youre not interested. What are you doing, what the hell are you doing . People are still talking about it. Well find out why. Piers morgan tonight starts now. Good evening, this year ive talked to some of the top entertainers in the world, people that make us laugh, make us cry, as i discovered when i sat down with them, they also make us think. Every one of them fascinating and surprising things to say about the wider world outside the glittering confines of hollywood. And every one of them is also a lot of fun. Tonight youll hear from some of my favorites. We begin with a man once as famous for outbursts as well as acting. He is, of course, alec baldwin. Cleverly eluded to moments ago. Your relationship with the media is fascinating, because youve always been very good copy for them, and you sort of play the game. Occasionally, you just blow up. Now you seem to be in an almost permanent rage with them. Why do you have such conflict with them . I dont think i do have any conflict with them in the sense that guy youre talking about, that photographer, i think the most important thing to remember is i did not punch the guy, and the guy was overheard by witnesses going down the street going down his camera saying, theres one, theres a good one, oh, i like that one. Hes going through the whole roll of his film, then they go down to the police station, he presses charges, the charges are dismissed. I dont think im somebody that has the das office or police in my pocket, there was no case there. Is there a way not to deal with them, alec . I know you get much more attention than i would, but whenever i go across these guys, tmz, they follow you around with a video very low threshold for entertainment. I find them as a necessary part of the business. Difference of opinion we have. I would call them attacks. Attacks on show business. You have a very different opinion than i do. My attitude is the business would be infinitely better if all of them were gone. Really . If i could press a button and swirl them down a sewer of vortex, id do it. Wheres the button . Heres the deal, well leave you alone. You can never have any more publicity for anything you do. Thats not really practical. You will have publicity. Listen, im not opposed to even though im not completely ecstatic about the entertainment journalism out there, because it cheapens show business and demystifies show business, but the ones that you call the got ya journalism, thats one i think we can all do without. Last time you were on the show, i got great feedback to the back story that you bring before you even get to making movies, but the one thing i came away from is that you had, in changing your life around, the work ethic that youve brought to everything you now do is incredibly impressive. Nothing tells it better than this. Seth mack farland said about what you did is the single most prepared human being, its astonishing. Not much he cant do. Hes versatile, always surprising, such a humble guy, and youre not, youre not look at me, i can do this. But its an amazing thing you can do that kind of scene in one hit. It shows proper dedication. Well, its your job, you know . Ive worked with many actors that are paid a lot of money and dont show up and know lines. Any names . Plenty, plenty. Ill tell you after the show, but its frustrating to me. Youre getting paid a lot of money. We have this amazing job. Just show up and be prepared, you know . Just work with russell crowe, and the guy is such a pro. We had pages and pages of monologues, the guy, every single time. Who is the best prepared . Who are the ones you look at and go thats where i want to be . Russell crowe is extremely prepared, you know, robert duval is, you know, the consummate professional. When you wanted to get into show business, was part of the allure of it being famous, when you look back to that time . I have to say, this is true of a lot of comedians, and ive talked to other comedians and heard them say the same thing, and i defy anyone to deny this. For most of us, its getting girls to notice us. It really is, and its its still probably on some level. Im very happily married, two kids, but theres something initially, especially, in those early days. You notice, you go through the checklist in your mind, what do i have that might interest a girl. I didnt have much. Im not a good athlete, skins not down the list, hairs a little silly, names weird, then i got to they laugh. When i start joking around, they laugh and they hang around a little bit. So probably thats the initial, if im going to be brutally honest, it was just to get just to get girls . Not even get them. To get them to look in my direction, piers, im taking it down to a much more basic level. Aaron, you said, abdicated responsibility, ive met people who want to carry that torch. I suppose critics would say, look, you got to live in the real world a little bit in the sense if you go to high fa luting with your news kovrnl, try to do it in the purist sense, what your character does in this show, it doesnt rate, especially if its not big breaking news. I can tell you for a hard, unpalatable fact, that is true. I know its true. Its hard. So how do you tackle that . Youve had your toes dipped in our waters for a while. If you were running a news network, what would you do . First, let me back up a bit and say i dont have to live in the real world. Im a fiction writer. I get to write, you know, a Democratic Administration that can get things done. And i get to write about a very idealistic newsroom where these guys reach unrealistically high, so they fall down a lot. But were still rooting for them anyway. But theres no question that the the antagonist in this show is doesnt come so much in the form of a person, although thats the role jane fon da plays and thats the role that Chris Messina plays. Its ratings, that if we have a problem in this country with the news, its at least as much the consumers fault as it is the providers fault. But the show doesnt live in the real world. It seems like it does, because its set against the backdrop of real news events. We never do fictional news on the show, its all real. The characters are fictional, not based on anybody, i know youre going to get to that question. But its they are constantly referencing don quitoe, brigg doon, camelot, atlantis, and these are all imaginary lost cities. Unabashedly romantic and idealistic. He excels in that. Its the happy ending. The swash buckling, he said. And aaron told me, when we started this, by the way, if youre in here to be likable all the time and, you know, it aint going to work that way, because youre going to fail. Will is going to fail miserably, and we do. Over the first season, it is a struggle, just like the struggle a lot of these tv journalists say they are going through. And willie is a quite spectacular [ bleep ] from time to time, also. Which is why i like him so much. Thank you. Behind the music, theres something for everyone where some of my favorite singers tell their stories. I was about to ask you how many times youve been properly in love in your life. Past is just a blur to me now, piers. Its all just a blur. Now is the time. Now is all that matters. Tyeah, its the galaxy note ii. Re great. You can do two things at the same time. You can watch videos and text. Or you could watch the Earnings Report and take notes, like were supposed to. So. Can i get it . Yeah. Okay either of you put together the Earnings Report . Yes, me totally. Why dont you tackle the next quarter while we go to lunch. Pu pu platter . Yup keep up the good work. I will keep up the good work. Do more with the new Samsung Galaxy note ii. For a limited time get two flipcovers for the price of one. Exclusively at verizon. Aside from a bruising encounter with onedirection on twitter, i generally enjoy talking with musicians, new artists and those whose songs define a generation, then theres a rare occasion i can ask which of their songs means the most to them. Hello. That was terrible. That was terrible. I got a great tweet here, watching lionel ritchie, what charisma, fascinating dude, love his funky stuff, not into the balance. You know what the answer to that is, hes not in love yet. That is true. Listen, i can tell you the reviews. Dancing on the ceiling until you meet the right girl. There was a reviewer, for years, sappy, syrupy, sticky, gummy, then all of a sudden he reviewed me 20 years later, lionel, do you have another one of those amazing ballots. Oh, youre married now . Yes, two kids now, lionel. In other words, until you fall in love, you know nothing of what im talking about. Have you ever made love to your own music . You have asked the who is this guy . You mean my first love was not enough . No, i need more from you. The answer is absolutely not. Never . Are you kidding me . Be a bit awkward. I love it when someone says, do you whisper . Of course, i do. Are you kidding me . Im tacky. Who is the biggest, most romantic, sexual singer youve ever deployed. Holy cow, thats pretty interesting. Well, marvin gaye. Has to be, right . Marvin did it for me. I want to talk about it straight off the top, lets talk about the elephant in the room here. Youre one of the most fame us country singers ever and are married to one of the most Famous Country singers ever. Your husband and i have never met, but i feel i know him really well. The reason, the last six years on americas got talent, ive seen more acts murdering your husbands songs than any other musician or singer alife. If i have to hear one more version of tomorrow never comes it gave me ear aches. I want to apologize to him, through you, about the massacring of his music. You sort of massacred that yourself. Wasnt as bad as when i tried to sing hello to lionel richie. Were you really trying . You know what, i always like to make the guests feel like they are the star, you know, contrary to popular perception. With you and lionel, you think youre better singers, gives you more confidence. Ego boost. Nice of you, really. Only sold, what, 10 million albums . Something like that. Whats the worst song youve written . I dont want to say. Come on. Cnn worldwide audience, worst bruno mars song you have written, the one even know makes you come ut in a weird sweat. Me and my partner wrote a song called bedroom bandit. I promise you, piers, had you been in the studio, we thought we were going to win 18 grammys off this song. Then the next day we called each other up like what were we thinking . Youve been involved in songs about desperately wanting to be a billionaire. And thats the beauty about billionaire. If you listen to the lyrics of it, its really not about i mean, it is, and we touch on it a little bit, but i wrote billionaire when i was flat broke. I just helped write a song for flo rida, biggest song downloads, it broke records, and i was flat broke. How . Because again, i can explain all that. It works differently for song writers. Song writers, you have to wait for residuals, pray the song is a hit and a year later you might get a check. Youre seeing this song go around the world, massive, huge, international hit, and youre making nothing . And i cant buy a sandwich . Literally . Literally. What is the song, of all the songs that youve ever been involved with, what is the one if i said, glen, youve got five minutes to live, you can play one song to be remembered by, the defining song. Well, you know, i have my favorite records, you know. Whats your number one . I loved one of these nights. I thought that was a really interesting song. I thought it was cowboy, r b, fuzz tones instead of saxophones. Great soul singer, don henley, you know, cool chord progression, mine. That was one of my absolute favorite eagles records. And who of all the acts out there now, whos the one that excites you, the modern crowd . I love adele. I watched the grammys this year, and the grammys, there was a lot of glamour, a lot of dancers, there was a lot of flash, all of that, and then adele came on, everyone was dressed in black, only had white light on her, and she stood there and burned. When we come back, the men and women who inspire us with their quests to be the best. Yes yes yes yes oh, come on yes that was nice. You did good. You beat me. Aww man. [ male announcer ] returns are easy with free pickup from the u. S. Postal service. Well even drop off boxes if you need them. Visit usps. Com pay, print, and have it picked up for free. Any time of year. Nice sweater. Thank you. [ male announcer ] when diarrhea hits, kaopectate stops it fast. Powerful liquid relief speeds to the source. Fast [ male announcer ] stop the uhoh fast with kaopectate. Anyone who knows me knows im a football fanatic, the round ball football. Also tended the summer olympics in london and made a bet with former president bill clinton on the ryder cup, which he paid up for, by the way. This year i talked to the biggest names in sports about what it takes to be the very best and what it feels like to be a world champion. What a moment for you, huh, the green jacket. Can i touch it . Go ahead. How does it feel . Feels nice. How does it really feel to be bubba watson right now . Its overwhelming, people like yourself wanting to talk to me. For me to come to new york and do these interviews and meet you for the first time, its a special time. Why have you given me the big, exclusive interview. Somebody has told me a rather unnerving reason why. Because when you were on this other show, americas got talent, you were a [ bleep ], so i wanted to come here and make fun of you just like you make fun of everybody else. I heard thats a reason. Thats genuinely why, isnt it . Im a [ bleep ]. Exactly. I dont care how we got you here. Ill take it. How hard is it for people who have been at the top of boxing, with all the adrenaline and buildup to these fights for months, you get in there, the adrenaline rush, the public going crazy, then the actual fight, then suddenly its all over. You dont have it in your life anymore. Yeah, then you go to drugs, you try to get the high again, but then you realize all the drugs, all the meth, all the cocaine, all the liquor, cant produce that high no more. Cant produce that high, then you realize the high comes from within, you know. So many of us, entertainers, just people with a lot of money in general, all failed in that and try to succeed and get happiness through substance. Do you still, last time i interviewed you, you gave me the feeling that youre not completely confident that you wont blow up again. How do you feel now . Well, i dont put myself in those situations. I never look at myself as out of it, this can never bother me again. Once i think that way, im looking for my next hit. Once i feel that this is im the man again, can never get high. Any moment now im ready for the next line, thats just who i am. Thats how much of an animal i am when it comes to drugs and addiction and stuff. Im really a nasty animal, and thats how come im so happy its changed my life and im with my family and learning how to be a functioning human being in society. This is just so awesome. When was the last time you hit a man . I dont know, maybe three years ago at the airport. Oh, the photographer, yeah. Good shot . Yeah. No, i was getting ready to hit the camera, so happy i didnt hit him with the camera, i wouldnt be here. So happy i didnt do that. I assume the paparazzi give you a pretty easy ride, right . I know how to handle them. I just love them, just love them. Last time i saw you play for real was at wimbledon about three years ago, and you were playing, i think, a quarterfinal game against a tiny Eastern European waif. It was the single most brutal thing i have ever seen on any sports arena ever. Now youre making me feel bad. You didnt feel bad at the time. I was inwardly, like, i wanted to get on the court and rescue this poor girl. Oh, no. It was a high form of brutality that was going on. You obliterated her. But what i was struck by was the longer it went on, just the more ruthless you became. The more in the zone, louder, the more physically empowering. It was the most impressive thing ive seen in sports in years. What do you feel when youre going through that kind of process, youre in the zone, and youre winning, what do you experience . Well, when youre out there, you have to take the winners attitude, at least i do, and i cant go out there thinking im feeling sorry, because they are trying to win too. This is my job, to go out and do the best that i can at that moment in time. You never know what happens tomorrow. What does it take to be a champion, not just any old champion, to be a great champion . Well, just hard work. For me, it was just hard work and dedication. And, as i said, you just need a team, because for me, i remember this year i was going on and doing well, doing well. And then all of a sudden i got to the trials, i lost, then i was like and then i refocused and i really talked to my coach, talked to my friends, talked to my agent buddy, they explained to me, no need to worry, especially my coach. We have three, four weeks to go, one month, put the work, sacrifice a few things and get it done. So i did just that. What is it that motivates you most now . Is it the winning, is it being the champ, is it money . Is it fame, is it the women, is it all of it . Its everything. Its all a package. Its all a package. Everything comes together, i think. For me, fans are one of the biggest things for me. I really enjoy going out and performing for the fans. The energy that they give me. When we return, so many scandals in one interview that went right off the rails. Yes, im looking at you, robert blake. Its not about me, is it . Yes, it is, because you opened that door, charlie potatoes. Im not going to let im not going to sit here and let you or anybody else kick the [ bleep ] out of me without defending myself, and you can take that to the [ bleep ] bank, charlie. If you want to show me the door, thats fine, too. Tragically, their buddy got sacked by blackouts. But its our tradition thats roughing the card holder. But with the capital one venture card you get double miles you can actually use. [ cheering ] any flight, anytime. The scoreboard doesnt lie. Whats in your wallet . Hut i have me on my fantasy team. Im here to unleash my inner cowboy. Instead i got heartburn. [ horse neighs ] hold up partner. Prilosec isnt for fast relief. Try alkaseltzer. Kills heartburn fast. Yeehaw kills heartburn fast. We asked total strangers to watch it for us. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Ill be right back. They didnt take a dime. How much in fees does your bank take to watch your money . If your bank takes more money than a stranger, you need an ally. Ally bank. Your money needs an ally. Three big names, not a stranger to scandal or tabloid headlines, each told me their sorted stories. Only one had me fearing for my safety. Heres from an interview ive never done before and i hope i dont have to again. My conversation with robert blake. Do you remember the night that she died well, or is it now something you blocked out of your head . No, i remember it quite well. You went and had dinner at this restaurant. Where are you going . Im interested in what happened. No, youre not interested. What are you doing . What the hell are you doing . Let me help you. Theres no one talking to me. You dont got to worry. These are my questions for you, based in my view. Now you want to know what happened that night . Im curious, yeah. Youre not curious. I thought you said you researched this so you know what happened that night. I know the facts of the night. Im curious about tell me about the facts of the night. You take your wife to dinner to a restaurant. Go ahead. Your wife goes to the car. You go back to retrieve, as you say, your gun, which is in the restaurant. And when you return, your wife has been shot dead. When they test the gun that you go and retrieve, that is not the same gun that killed her. Am i right so far . So far. Factually correct. I have no agenda here, at all. You think i do, but i dont. It sounds boring as hell, but go ahead. I dont think its boring, your wife good murdered. Your questions are boring. Even what you said, are you sure people give a [ bleep ] about any of this . I think youre here because youve written a book about your life. Theres a lot more to my life than that night. Probably nothing more significant. Bull [ bleep ]. Than the murder of your wife . I didnt murder my wife, it may be significant to you, but it isnt to me. You said theres nothing more significant. Than the murder of your wife. Personally, its not the most significant thing in my life. The most significant thing in my life is when i was 2 years old and i found an audience. The next most significant thing is when i went to mgm as an extra and three years later, i starred in my first film, you know . America just was going to war, it was the worst time in the world for america, but theres nothing more significant than a little boy with no parents, no friends, nothing, walking into mgm and three years later starring in his first film. You know how significant that is . No, because youve never lived my life. Its my fault. Theres no one else to blame for it. I wouldnt even begin to start pointing a finger at anybody, because the reality is i created it. I created my career and all of those kind of things and the relationship and all of this, but i also screwed up badly, and i take the full blame for it. The key thing now is to kind of, like, figure out how to build all this back and how to gain the trust of the children again and have a Good Relationship with the kids, which is so important to me. I love my kids dearly, and i love maria. I mean, i love maria. She is been truly the only love that ive ever had, and thats what is so pitiful about it. Its one thing if you have a situation like that and just say, well, i was ready to get out of this situation anyway, out of this marriage, but thats not the case. She was the most perfect wife, and she was extraordinary. Youve hinted in some of the interviews youve given that you hope to get back with maria, and, in fact, youve gone a bit further and believe from her side there may also be something that she may wish. Do you think theres a good chance you could get back together . I cannot speak for maria. She has to speak for herself, but i can only tell you i hope that eventually we can rebuild the relationship and that we will be together as one family. What people find most incomprehensible is somebody as successful as you, somebody as rich as you, as politically motivated as you were at the time, would take such an extraordinary risk. By was it actually more complexed . Was it the risk you were taking seemed one of the safest risks you could take, that it was with somebody in your home who you could trust, you wouldnt tell anybody, was it more that . I would say that it makes no difference. You know, it makes no difference what was going through my mind at that time. It doesnt clean up the mess. It doesnt soften the blow to my family. I mean, what ive done is just about the stupidest thing that any human being can do. Before we get into politics and life and the universe, a certain story has bubbled up this week about you involving a certain videotape. Yes, sir. How are you handling it . Well, the big White Elephant in the room you cant avoid. You take a deep breath. You have to make sure youre honest, because you have to be accountable, and you address it, and at end of the day, you know, pray to god that those that love you and the people close to you, like your friends sometimes you dont even know if they are your friends, but your children and your wife knows who you are, and you get on situations like your show and when asked, you know, at the end of the day, you know, you realize it was a horrible choice. I am accountable, and any excuse i make, whether it was a rough time in my life or the people that were there were my friends and they kind of baited me to it, none of that matters. Its just youre accountable and be honest. It must be very humiliating. Have you ever been through something quite like this, have yourself having sex on a video people are watching, especially in the internet age, how do you feel about that . Never, and ive been through a lot of stuff. Ive been through a lot of stuff with the federal Government Back in the 80s, the whole steroid controversy, the divorce, the car wrecks, ive been through so much stuff, but never have i ever been this embarrassed and my world been turned so upsidedown in such a fashion and without knowledge someone would set a camera, poor choice, admitted, i did that. Coming up, remembering two of the biggest names in music, Whitney Houston and dick clark. This is the beaver that bit your hand . Not the same beaver, but exactly like this. Here, touch the beaver. No. The world lost some beloved entertainers this year, from larry hagman and Andy Griffith to davey jones of the monkeys and adam yalk of the beasty boys, but two stand out, dick clark, the eternal teenager, and the tragic loss of Whitney Houston. I can tell youre angry about whats happened here. The blame game has begun. A lot of people want to blame bobby brown, a lot of people want to blame the music business, some people want to blame everyone. What do you think . Well, its all of the above and a whole lot more, but it boils down to you. You know, i was introduced to certain people and to certain opportunities to to use recreational drugs, and it boils down to whether i want to do it or not. And she was a strongwilled, strongminded girl, and i cant say thatts all anybodys fault would she have gone down that route, do you think, without bobby brown in her life . Well, without him, somebody else. If she wants to get high if you want to get high, youre going to get high. You think she had that tendency anyway . I think that we all as artists, because were highly sensitive people, and this machine around us, this socalled music industry, is such a demonic thing. It sacrifices peoples lives and their essences at the drop of a dime. We touched earlier on Whitney Houston, a friend of yours, and youve been quite candid about trying to help her. You rang her or felt compelled to ring her on the night Michael Jackson died. You realized she may be going through turmoil over that news. Tell me about that. It was and i havent talked about it publicly. Im surprised you know that. How do you know that . I know everything, tyler. I called her that night, had been trying to get her all day, i tried her that night. She had Donny Hathaways song blasting in the background. We talked for a while, she was really broken up about his death. I didnt know if she was thinking about herself, but i was trying desperately for me to get to go over to the house and sit with her to make sure she was okay. Whitney, in true fashion, after me trying for about five, ten different times, listen, im a mother, im a woman, and im single, and youre not coming over my house in the middle of the night. In the way only she could. But its beyond tragic, and i was so disgusted, i must tell you, i was so disgusted at the media and the way that they handled her death. It was it was so blatantly disrespectful. The paparazzis, this is what i mean about fame, even in death, trying to get just her body from the morgue to the plane you supplied the plane, didnt you . I did, i did. There was it was beyond awful. I tell you, there was we tried to send a hearse as a decoy. They found out we had the body in a van, and there were paparazzi 50 deep following the van. Had them move the plane into the hangar, close the door, bring the van in, and one person, one of the hired drivers is trying to take pictures of them putting her body on the plane. It was just beyond disrespectful for her family and everyone else. And i understand she was a superstar, but she didnt deserve to be treated that way in the media toward the end, you know . You knew dick clark for 40, 50 years. An absolute legend of the business. Put him in context, historical context, how important was dick clark, do you think . Well, he was a pioneer. You know, in the early days of television with american bandstand, revolutionized music on television, as we pointed out earlier, talking before we went on, he had blacks and whites dance together. Unheard of. A lot of young people watching would say, what, thats crazy. That was crazy then to put that on. Risk taking. Then he was involved in so many programs that the public didnt even know. Heres the thing, i knew you were responsible for this show alone before i came along for 7,000 shows. Dick clark, apparently, was responsible in all his guises, for 7,500 hours of television on american television. Isnt that amazing . Amazing. His longevity was amazing. So many things he touched as a producer, as a businessman, he owned a radio network, quiz shows, radio talk shows, Television Talk shows, he produced donny and marie, going to have donny on, produced their television show. If you could bottle the dick clark magic, what would you call it, what was the secret ingredient that he had . He was a great generalist. He could do anything. He was very, very good. You wouldnt go around quoting dick clark, you know, theres no memorable great moments, but he was kind of every man. He was there. He entered the room well. The camera liked him. He was gentle. He was kind. He was smart. He was revolutionary in music. For example, even as he aged, most people get older, you and i not saying youre old, we could not name the billboard top ten. But he could. He could name it. Im sure he could have named it yesterday. Next, some happier moments, big stars playing for laughs, three of my funniest guests of the year. I want you to kiss my chubby fingers the way you just did in that clip. Oh, my god, this is the most erotic thing thats ever happened to me. You poor baby. [ male announcer ] this is karen and jeremiah. They dont know it yet, but theyre gonna fall in love, get married, have a couple of kids, [ children laughing ] move to the country, and live a long, happy life together where they almost never fight about money. [ dog barks ] because right after they get married, theyll find some retirement people who are paid on salary, not commission. Theyll get straightforward guidance and be able to focus on other things, like each other, which isnt rocket science. Its just common sense. From td ameritrade. In my career ive gone head to head with world leaders, ceos and hollywood superstars. You never know what youre going to get when you sit down with a comedian. What i like about you, youre a shameless playing arist. Youve taken 50 shades of gray, and you a book coming out called 50 shades of chartreuse. Its 50 shades of chartreuse, im thinking to put this time its personal. I just wanted to rip off the title because i thought it was a stupid book. Did you read it . I read the first seven chapters and stopped. Is there anything in there you hadnt done . Well, actually, im rather conservative. I am not into s m. Seriously . I dont want to get hit in bed. If youre going to hit me, hit me out in public. Did you read the entire trilogy . Its unreadable. Why do women want to read this . Its one of the most badly written books ive ever read. Why wu read that . I had a pure curiosity. Men would never read that stuff in a million years. Its a phenomenon. I dont think i would profess to be any of the most scholarly writer, per say, i know my books are silly and stupid. I think theyre amusing to some degree. That was so poorly written and it was insulting to anyones intelligence to read that. And then my friends who suggested i would read it. I emailed them, you should be ashamed of yourselves for finishing this kind of book. Its a piece of trash. What i cant believe is the way you look. We all fell in love back in britain with fat, chubby ricky. I wasnt that fat. You were fat. You drank a lot of beer. You didnt tell me then. You just mean i look terrible before. You should have said then i would have worked out faster. I had to find out myself. I keep throwing out these trousers. You were a beer swelling, fish and chip eating bigger guy. I system do that, but i discovered working out. How much have you lost . Not much at all, 25 pounds. Ive done it by work out. I still eat too much, i still drink too much, but the next day i pun or myself in the gym, i work out like rocky. I feel great, it makes you feel even your teeth look gleaming. I havent had them done. Anything to them . I got some free those things in the luxury lounge once. I thought, they made me gag. What made you im fat and disgusting, and didnt clean my teeth. I had a few pournds, yeah. And the beard helps, that gives you the illusion i wear black, i still do that. What made you go on this vanity kick . It wasnt a vanity kick, it was a health kick. Christmas i was 48, i had 11 sausages and i sat there feeling ill. The number of times id say, jane im having a heart attack. And i thought, you know what, life is good and i dont want to blow it, i dont want to go hold on, just what . It wasnt just me, because the dashing feature in mens health magazine, with this kickboxing gervais. How Ricky Gervais totally lost it. He went from barely employed chubby loser to losing the gut and gaining respect. Yeah, thats good, isnt it . Im glad i lived this long to get to comedic oture. Otherwise id be a chubby chap who stinks and never cleans his teeth. One of my favorite bits of this whole album is when you get together with the doors. You performed reading rainbow. Id like you to play out the show reading rainbow. This is at the doors, were singing the theme song to reading rainbow. Were just goofing off in my writers room, were going li like butterfly in the sky i cano twice as high take a look its in a book at reading rainbow reading rainbow i can go anywhere. I can go anywhere friends who know wait to grow and reading rainbow reading rainbow theres a monster at the