>> i always thought i could have fought him off and done better. but then i can't picture fighting off this bigger person. it definitely put a cloud over things, and i distinctly remember after, maybe like a week or two after, i remember saying, like, i'm different. like i'm scared of the world. there was a violent element to it, so it really overloaded my nervous system. and i remember saying why does everything look kind of not so colorful like it used to? >> in the years following this traumatic event, stan grew up living a typical middle-class life but continued to be haunted by his past. with each milestone, he hoped his bleak moods would disappear. they didn't. no one knows this better than stan's wife, birgit. >> i fell in love with him, so it was like, oh, my god. this beautiful person, but i always felt like i was holding back something. i just couldn't get to it. he could transform into this genius, awesome, glowing person, and he is that, part of him is that, too.