crank it down in the presence of authority. that is an exhausting exercise. it's a horrible idea. >> it's heartbreaking. it's not just exhausting, it's heartbreaking. how can you build self-esteem? when they were saying that they didn't see race, it was infuriating to me. i was raised on say it loud, i'm black and proud, my parents worked really hard for me to love my race. then you say you don't see it. and it's not the truth. so you have been trying to build this self-esteem, and then how do you build self-esteem when part of your survival is to make someone else feel comfortable in a moment? >> i want to bring christy in. you are raising a young black son. how old is he? >> he will be 14 in september. >> how tall is he? >> he's 5'10." >> that worries you.