you're my baby". no—one wants to talk about what we're going through. he was my angel. we shouldn't have to hide it any more. horn blasts i'm putting... ..the... sighs ..one of the hardest stories about my life out there. and it's... yeah, it's petrifying. that was literallyjust minutes after i'd give birth to him. i just look so young! i were only 14 when i met a man called arshid hussain. he were ten years older than me and from that moment, he began grooming me. at the time, i didn't see it for what it was. i thought that's how love was supposed to be. i was 15 when i got pregnant. god, i still remember him being in me arms. and ijust had that moment, that instant bond that i think only a mother kind of, you know, feels. laughs he's so chunky! i was so excited to be a mum. but as i got older, i started to understand what had happened to me. the abuse of young girls in rotherham was deep—rooted and... arshid hussain was the ringleader behind... rape after rape, - assault after assault... he has now been jailed for 35 years. sammy woodhouse gave birth to a son after she was raped. i remember when those thoughts first started running through my head, i was panicking about my son. i thought, "what am i going to tell my son?" i couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel. me son were only 12 when i had to tell him that his dad had raped and abused me, and that's how he were born. he didn't want to be the person who he was. in his own skin. i blamed meself. i felt so stupid. my bruises healed. my mind didn't. we both felt so alone and there was nowhere for us to turn. there must be others out there feeling the same way. i'm related to a murderer... ..and also a rapist. um... and i used to think horrible things, like, "what if i grow "up to be like him?" you feel grief, you feel anger, you feel shame. i know there's nothing that i could have donei but it feels like it's my fault that i'm alive. i you're putting yourself in your birth mother's shoes. you're also thinking, "am i going to remind her "of the person who did this to her?" and i think it's — it's incredible that she even decided to keep me. i don't think i could ever look at that child without thinking about all the abuse. i just want acceptance. and to know that...|'m normal, despite where i've come from. i the worst feeling is feeling like you're alone. you're questioning everything about yourself. "do i look like a rapist?" looking in the mirror almost like i could see the man- who raped my mother looking back at me. . you grow up with all these ideas of who you are. - you're kind and you're| nice and you're loving. and then, you find out- you were conceived in a really viole nt, almost hateful way. it pulls the heartl out of your world. neil grew up adopted and traced his birth mother when he were 27. hi! sammy! hi! is it neil? yeah. it were then that he discovered he were born after she was raped by a stranger in a park. when you hear those words, it's like somebody's... - ..almost like a video game, punched into your chest - and ripped your insides out. yeah. ijust broke down completely and utterly lost it. _ um...so i did meet with my birth mother, and one - of the first things i said to her was, "if i look. "like the man who did. this to you, walk away. "i don't want - to...bring that back." yeah, and upset her. um... and what did she say? she — she said, "it's fine. "you don't look like him." that really changed things for me. - yeah. it really, really did. have you ever wanted to meet him and confront him and say, "why did you do this?" i cannot be more clear- about how angry i was at him. but no, i did not want. anything to do with him. to all intents and purposes, idon't think of myself- as having a birth father. yeah. i have my birth- mother and that's it. yeah. and that's enough. to me, what is hard to deal with is you had so much to deal with and it affected you so much. you, as an adult, dealing with issues, like, in your 205. my son was 12 years old, um, with no—one to talk to. um, so i'm kind ofjust sat here thinking, um, i feel in a way like i've failed him. i don't think you have at all. i think by being open and honest, you've done the best by him. so long as there is love - there and you can show that love and explain that how- he was conceived is the most unimportant thing| in the world, it's — "you are my son. "i love you beyond anything. "you're part of me and that's the important thing. - "and we might have to work i at it more every day than most "families, because . we're both hurting... mmm. "..but we're together, - and that's the important thing, "and you're my son." i've tried so hard to be the best mum i can to me son. but no matter how much i love him, he still has his shadow hanging over him. and i know he has questions about his dad but i don't know whether the reality would really help him. i'd love to know where he's buried, so i could go and dance on his grave. this monstrous man that — felt that he could do that and that it was ok to do that, and that it was ok to rape people. i think there's a special place in hell for people like that. it's a reality that eva confronted. she grew up adopted, imagining a perfect family she'd one day find. but when she met her birth mother, the truth was much darker. she had been abused from a young age by her father... ..and she had got pregnant at the age of 14. i was the result of that liaison. it made me feel... ..unwanted, afreak... ..but i still wanted to know more. call rings out so i rang him... ..and i asked him if he'd done the things that he'd been accused of. and he said, yes, he had. and i said to him, "do you feel remorse for what you did?" and he said, "no, i don't". and i said, "would you do it again?" and he said, "yes, iwould". siren wails i wanted him to pay for what he'd done. and the only way that i could see for that to happen was to go to the police. they said they needed evidence. and i said, "well, you've got the evidence standing right "in front of you. "i'm living, breathing proof of the evidence... "..that this man raped someone". but they didn't seem to care. they didn't seem interested. i'm glad ifound out where i came from. i needed to know. what was that driving force to find those missing pieces? i think it doesn't matter how horrible the past is. it's like an itch that you can't...scratch. yeah. and...you've just got to know. hmm. you've got to know. it helps to know i did the right thing telling me son the truth, but meeting neil and eva has made me realise we're not the only ones going through this alone. and i know i buried a lot of me own feelings, because they're just too painful to deal with. there must be other mums out there feeling the same way. it's like if you inject poison into somebody. it's exactly what happened to me. my father injected our own genes into me. he told me that all daddies did this to their little girls and then, i fell pregnant. it wasn't, you know, just about the rape and the physical abuse, it was the emotional abuse. i really wanted to tell what was happening and i couldn't tell a soul. i couldn't tell anybody what had happened just that day, what i'd been through. i didn't have time to have any thoughts. it was, "you're having this child. "simple as." "this child's going to call me daddy as well." i just felt sick. just, no. what am i going to do? i felt like i was just so different to everybody else and i felt so alone. and, you know, iwas embarrassed and ashamed of meself as a person. so... sniffs if he'd made me have that baby, i don't think i'd have survived. i wouldn't be here today. i had to survive. i had to survive to leave. tannoy: the next train i to arrive at platform one... i packed some nappies for the child, some baby milk, put them in the bottom of the pram and walked out the door. got on a train and never went back. mandy escaped the abuse but she couldn't escape the consequences — her son was born with a genetic disability. neither of us have ever talked to another mum with a child born from abuse, so this is a first for both of us. good girl. aye, you're a good girl. neither of us have ever talked to another mum with a child born from abuse, so this is a first for both of us. good girl. aye, you're a good girl. do you think it's different for us as mums, having a child conceived through abuse to having children conceived in a happy relationship? yeah. how do you think it's different? before i had my other children, i thought i knew what loving a baby were. mmm. and then, when i had my proper children... mmm. it sounds awful to say that. mmm. i knew what it were. he wasn't conceived out of love. mmm. he was conceived... ..by...a monster. but by god, i love him, but... yeah, yeah. i always say i'm the survivor, my son's a victim, because he is. he's... ..even though i carry it on in me head, everything that's wrong with him is... because of the abuse. ..because of what happened to me. because the crime happened to me, it happened to him as well. and this is going to affect him for the rest of his life? yeah. i do his meals, i do his bathing. and he always says to people, "she's me mum and she's me "carer." aw, bless! chuckles so, yeah. he's my son. yeah. always will be. but sometimes... ..you go there and then sometimes, no, don't go there. mmm. people don't. .. you know, when they'd find out... ..they�*d say, "you're disgusting. "you had an affair with your dad. "that's horrible. "how could you do that?" but i didn't. i was 11. mmm. maybe younger, but the first recollection i have, i was 11. was there ever anyone that said, "this is not yourfault?" no. has anybody even now, after all these years — notjust as a child, but as an adult, and even after, you know, him going to prison — has anybody ever said, "this isn't your fault"? no. i'm going to cry now. well, i'm going to be the first. it's not your fault... sniffles. ..and you're not to blame. how many...women are sat at home now in my position i was, all them years ago, thinking... .."i�*m going to be stuck here forever." and you're not. open that door and get the hell out. i feel a little bit lost for words. i mean, she'sjust been through so much and ijust think she's by far one of the bravest, if not the bravest, people that i've ever met in my life. everyone i've met has felt so alone and there's nothing here to help people like us. i want to see how people elsewhere in the world have changed that. rwanda is one of the only places in the world with specialist counselling for mothers and children born of rape. reporter: it was a massacre that saw a tenth of _ the population killed. this country suffered a genocide in 1994. women, children, they were hunted down and slaughtered. 800,000 people were massacred here injust 100 days. the killers were a mixture of regular forces and hutu militias, who took to the streets with clubs and machetes. the victims were the minority tutsis, and some moderate hutus... rape were also a weapon of the genocide, and hundreds of thousands of mainly tutsi women were raped. claire was thrown into a mass grave among the dead bodies. somehow, she lived. but her ordeal wasn't over — she realised she was pregnant by one of her attackers. claire even thought about killing her baby when it were born. but when she saw her daughter's face for the first time, she knew she couldn't. hi! you must be claire and elizabeth. how are you? and you must be elizabeth. can i give you a hug as well? hi. how are you? i'm fine. it's a pleasure to meet you. claire kept the truth hidden for years. it were only when she met other mothers like her that she opened up and told her daughter how she were born. i was a baby. he was my angel. and that's him when he was a little bit older. as many as 20,000 children were born from rape during the genocide against the tutsi. here, they come together to talk about how it's affected them. when i'm kind of sat there as a mum and, you know... oh, i'm going to get really emotional now! sobs. so, kind of like when i'm seeing it from a mum and i know what me son's feeling as well... ..that was, like, really difficult. gentle singing. what happened here in 1994 is very different to what happened to me but we still have so much in common. it's been incredible to see how children and mothers here dealt with their struggles by coming together. ijust wish me and me son had not felt so alone. things between me and me son have always been difficult and i don't know what the future holds. good girl. sit! things between me and me son have always been difficult and i don't know what the future holds. good girl. sit! paw. good girl! ijust wish that me and me son would've been able to process everything a lot better than what we did. but i'm his mum and i love him — i always will do, and he knows that. since i've been back from rwanda, i'vejust been thinking about, you know, everything i learnt there and the people that i met and one thing that really stood out for me is, you know, how everybody in rwanda came together through a charity and just how much it helped them. so, today, i've invited some of the people from the documentary to come together in sheffield. and for some of us, it's going to be the first time that they've ever met, you know, somebody that's been through their situation, so today's a really big day for them. hello! hi, there. you all right? talking about this is always going to be painful but it feels like this is a first step. my son's birth father is my father. there's not a lot of people i've told that. i think you're the second person and... ..people said to me, "oh, you'll have to adopt him. "you'll have to adopt him. "you can't look after him. "you know, he's going to be a constant reminder — "constant, all the time." and i said, "no, he's not. "he's my son." it matters to me to do this because i've always been silent. and now i'm a woman, a fully grown woman. who's got a gob on her and she's willing to use it! giggles. my son looks like his dad, so... does he? ..but that doesn't matter to me. no. he's still my boy, so... exactly! yeah. he's yours. first thing i said to my birth mother when we met, i said, "if i remind you of him for a second, walk away, "you know, and i'll totally understand. " my relationship with my birth mother is — we-ve— started talking again. it's lovely, and i hope there's love there. you're an amazing woman. thank you. and now, i'm getting emotional! don't start me again! um... but honestly... well, every single — every single one of you, honestly, i think you're incredible anyway. you don't have to feel alone and confused and scared. because that's how i felt, and it's — it's not that bad. you — you can feel a lot happier about this subject. you don't have to always feel so sad. nowt to be ashamed of. nothing to be ashamed of at all. and nobody can stop me. hello there. very few places on monday had a completely dry day and temperatures struggled to get into double figures. we've seen the colder air down from the arctic move down across the whole of the uk. that's firmly in place right now. there are some weather fronts trying to push up from the south—west, but most of the showers that we had earlier on are getting drawn away into the north sea as that low pressure heads towards scandinavia. so as the showers die away, skies are clearing, and with the winds lighter, temperatures are falling quite sharply. it'll be a cold start to tuesday. lowest temperatures, scotland and northern ireland, “i! or —5 celsius. so, a frosty start for much of the country on tuesday. but it should be a bright and sunny one. as is quite typical for this time of the year, through the morning, as temperatures rise, the cloud will bubble up. in the afternoon, it spreads out and it becomes increasingly cloudy. very few showers around, mind you, most of them in the north of scotland — again, a touch wintry over the hills — but the winds are a lot lighter here and we'll have light winds elsewhere as well. those temperatures ranging from 7 degrees in northern scotland to only 12 celsius in the south—east of england. so colder weather is in place, these weather fronts trying to move up from the south—west, making very little progress. we are going to see more cloud coming in overnight into wednesday, so the frost is going to be more limited to scotland and northern england. and here, there may well be some sunshine for a while on wednesday, so too northern ireland, but again the cloud will build up, we'll see a few more showers breaking out, mainly across northern england. further south, wales, the midlands and southern england look pretty cloudy. quite a dull day. bit misty over the hills in the south—west, and the clouds thick enough to give a few spots of light rain or drizzle. and those temperatures not really changing very much into wednesday. there is some milder air, as i say, trying to come in from the south—west, but it's making very slow progress, pushing away that cold air that we've drawn down from the arctic. and it looks like whilst there could be some sunshine around for a while across northern areas, again, the cloud will increase and it's looking pretty dull further south. the cloud thickening in the south—west to bring with it some outbreaks of rain, into south—west england and south wales. those temperatures creeping up but only by a degree or two. it will be a cold start to this week, a chilly week ahead, certainly, with those early frosts around, before the cloud comes in, limiting the frost, lifting the temperatures just a little bit, but bringing with it later in the week the chance of some rain. live from washington, this is bbc news. welcome to viewers on pbs in america. sudan's warring forces start a 72—hour ceasefire, after days of intense negotiations. russia's foreign minister faces the un security council. i speak to us ambassador to the un, linda thomas—greenfield. and we speak to two of the tennessee three, after they meet with president biden to discuss gun control. hello, i'm sumi somaskanda. we start in sudan where a three—day ceasfire between two rival military groups has come into effect to allow people to be evacuated, but there are concerns that it may not hold.

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