It will be very difficult to simply establish contact with the teenager. Is there a certain age in children, arthur, when you need to be more careful when introducing a new Family Member to anyone . True. Well, that is, if the child is in acute puberty, its just as risky as a sixyearold child, just different risks. Wait, the teenager is already used to being 14 years old. Heres to a certain model of the world. Everything is already settled for him. And mother. Its actually his mom, right . Yeah, it seems like this is the line that runs here. Eh, direct clashes are very often another kind of jealousy. In general, a teenager, maybe, well, yes, but again, its not the end of the world if the child understands that mom hasnt gone anywhere. Well, that is, the mother also pays attention, especially since teenagers, especially older ones, do not always require attention. They are already slowly beginning to separate from their parents. Here they are in general, dear. I will endure less. Your brain. Yes, she says, the mother of a teenage son, and in general shes not lying and teenager. Eh, just happy with this information in general, again. Yes, if everything is fine with him, everything is fine, he is already glad to have a little distance, because teenagers still love freedom, gifts should be given. This is the family or it will already be like this, and you can give gifts under bargaining with sad consequences until it turns into a direct one. Well, in return, that is, i wont Pay Attention to you. Ill just give you a gift. This is what you can do. Well , that is, there shouldnt be a gift substitution of attention and warmth, if there is attention, if there is warmth, if there is a good relationship, then the gift will definitely not spoil anything. And if the person milena meets understands that you are her person, they will also have children of their own. Well, you are from previous marriages, at what point should you introduce the children or at least talk about the fact that these are now yours . In general, somewhere dear relatives. Girl, if this happens before they become related. Well, that is, even at the stage of some joint trips. Yes there uh trains to nature or on the way to the cinema, that is, the Central Square of the territory, of course, of course, are welcome. I just know them. Yes, thats better. This is neutral territory and naturally not when on now we all bear the same surname, but not at this moment. This is a psyche podcast, and you can watch all podcasts on the First Channel website 1tv. Ru this is a psyche podcast and our heroine milena, who came to us with her question, how to properly meet a man and bring him into the house when there is already a man behind you a few not very successful ones experiments. Well, milena, do you still have questions for the psychologist . Right now, at this moment, we raised the topic about the biological father, and i remembered just such a situation that since the baby has a biological father. Basically, she didnt see it, she doesnt know, and i didnt raise this topic with her due to her age. But when we broke up, there had been a 3year relationship. I just, well, in a playful way, i asked her, im your mommy, and someone else is your daddy. Well, its just Something Like this, and she, without a shadow of a doubt, voiced to me here is our man, who was the one who accepted after yours. Well, essentially, yes he did, and it was just such a heartbreak, because i was so confused, because i didnt want to do it. Well, that is , let me have the thought that, well, its good that you think that this is your dad, because, well, the person really deserved it with everything, both trust and actions. Well, then at some point she began to grow up and actually. Just after 5 years, when all the moms and dads there, she had this question and connected brother, who already understands, and he said this illusion, that is, no. Actually, its not yours, dad. Well, how would i admit it . Well , as she admitted, she told the story that your dad is also your brothers dad. Here. Well, im not sure that she somehow understood it then, and thats what, but most likely, she will return to this issue. Well, its good that she already has a realistic picture. And she will probably want to complete this picture somehow. Well, maybe a little older, for now this is enough for her, maybe a little later. She wants, and then you can really tell the story of the relationship, you can show photographs a and if photographs of the biological father have been preserved, including telling the story, those relationships, again yes, so that the children can imagine. Yes, and how this relationship with my biological dad developed, this man, and this included, that is, it is clear that, as i said, sharp edges can be created. Well, its better if this story is for children. Eh, well, as honestly fast as possible, then they will have enough in their heads all. Smooth, stable. Its clear that everything is on its own shelves, but one day they may ask, mom, why dont you and dad communicate with our real biological one . For some reason you dont bring him to us, and you did in general that i cant influence a person to take him and bring him, then Something Like violence, probably, but the biological dad knows where we live, knows our phone numbers. Periodically, also once a year, i remind you before birthdays that we have birthdays soon, if you want. Somehow we congratulate call. That is, all the phones are in direct access, all the numbers he knows are known to his relatives, who, by the way, also dont show up at all, so i did what i could. Well, i dont see the point in trying to force someone to somehow bring them together. That is , if a person doesnt want to, yes, that is, the person has a new family there, he switched. Well, okay, at some point it was difficult and unpleasantly painful, but i accepted it, that is, at some point it will just be nicer to tell this truth too, yes, about that, how the relationship with the biological father developed may be without such details, if the children do not have questions. If they do, yes, of course, its worth answering them. If they dont arise, then you can make the story a little, shorter. That is, naturally, it can indicate the separation. Some reasons why have diverged and have now outlined the position that dad has another family, so he doesnt see you. Well, yes, the child will say, im probably bad. Were probably such bad kids that the pub doesnt want to talk to us. And naturally this can happen if children are given, well, some kind of negative picture, so responsibility definitely needs to be shifted towards the father. Well, this is objectively true, and the responsibility there is not on the children, but on the father. Well, that is, uh, dad decided to leave, he decided to leave there or start another family. He left, yes, it was his choice. Well, the same thing, to be honest, the concept would be funny if they were sad there, in any case, there is no need to send too much of a pill. Its all the same if we try somehow. Well, if we sweeten this situation and make it somehow more idealistic, then most likely, the children, on the contrary, will be left with even more questions and a feeling of some kind of unrealistic understatement. Something like that . What kind of complexes . Yes, therefore, after all , even if it is not a very pleasant story. What is important is that the child as a whole will be able to perceive it. Uh, he ll have someone to lean on, and he wont feel like hes abandoned or something. Unworthy this is what is important to wait for the new dad. Let it be milena, i think that uh, you really do a lot of things for your children. Are you generally doing the right thing . Yes, from what we talked, so it seems to me that you are on the way to complement yourself, that it is really worth remembering that life is a holistic thing and it is good when there are all areas in this life. Yes, there is some ideal picture that you need to strive for, but at the same time do not forget about the rest of your life. This was the psyche podcast where we are today our expert clinical psychologist , candidate of Psychological Sciences arthur timofey and our heroine milena sorted it out. How to find a man in a family where the father is not . How did you get to know the children . What are the risks . Well, where are the prospects for happiness . It is always there. Hello, im still dmitry bak, i still host a literary podcast with a very catchy name. Let them not talk. Let todays issue be read by a very special one, because this year we are celebrating the anniversary of a wonderful poet. Rasula kamzatova. Its hard to say, he is a russian avar dagestan soviet poet, he is a poet of the planet. I am convinced of this and that is why we decided to talk about rassouli gamzatore, the anniversary year and that is why there are wonderful important people among our guests, first of all, of course. This is the daughter of Rasul Gamzatova, salikhat rasulovna gamzatova, director of the Dagestan Museum of fine arts named after. E. Patimat saidovna gamzatova hello salihat rasulden, also our guest today is the actor of the moscow theater named after Nikolai Vasilyevich anatoly about the salon hello anatoly, hello, dmitry lets start uh, salikhat rasulovna and um. I know that the selfname of our podcast has something to do with Rasul Gamzatov. So tell me let them not talk. Let them read. I remembered that i had such an incident with my dad on his eightieth birthday, they showed films about him. And i once saw him asking and he didnt really like it, and then the schoolchildren came and read poetry to them, and i saw that he was very touched and i was somehow surprised and asked him whats dad . Why are you here . When were the films shown . Somehow you didnt really like it, but when they read it, you said it to the throne. Why show me . Let him read. So its almost almost. Here we will assume that our podcast is named with a quote from Rasul Gamzatov that but its nice and wonderful. Well, of course you have absolutely invaluable experience, because you grew up in a wonderful family. Uh, artists and creators, and i would like to first hmm hear your story about your grandfather about gamzatetas gamzatsa das, absolutely legendary dagestan. Uh, poet, cultural figure told you about him. Who is this for you, of course, for me, a hamsatz, first of all, grandfather. But when i was born and was no longer there, of course, thats why he was so mediated, but i perceive it, but i always saw, firstly, how he spoke with Great Respect to his father and a very interesting creation, if you translate it, yes. That he seems to hear that when his father is not there, he asks a question. This is who i am now afraid of, whom i listen to, and its as if i hear the voice of my mother, who is also no longer living, that he would just end us all with her years and just obey him, that is, this is for him, father. Its such. This is the criterion of what you need to be and dad was a very uh, such a devoted son, he was not obedient , they said there, thats him. Um, thats his sister over there. You understand that he was not, so to speak , a good assistant in tomm, but he was a very devoted son and even tells a story that when he was little, his grandfather went. Eh, hmm well, i wont give you a relationship. Yes , there is a khunzakh, therefore, because the healing of the father. Yes, yes, i even know the name caucasian , originally from the court. Yes, heres his little daddy always went to meet him and one day, hmm, in the winter, somehow my grandfather was delayed and his dad was sitting waiting for him, and he was even cold and uh, so to speak, my future other grandfather, my mothers father, he walked and saw. Like this one. So he took the frozen child and brought home the reinforcement. Maybe this is where it all started, perhaps there is some connection. Hes a very good driver. Eh, it turned out to be seven. Yes, here we are, just what i thought. This is how the little boy sits , waiting, and he gradually falls asleep, but he doesnt come home to you warmly. But he wants wait for your dad. Yes . This is so touching. Thats exactly what we see, hamzatsa dosa and khandula gaidar gadzhievna. Ahh, his wife and your grandmother and i think this is a great photo. Look. What faces. And outwardly he was a very attractive man. He was so real. The highlander is always smart and there are a lot of people like that about him. Eh, memories indeed. I have legends. He, uh, lived most of the time in the village, but then he was given an apartment, and on the main street of makhachkala , uh, and so on. It was lenin avenue now this is Rasul Gamzatov teachers avenue with the square. And where the Government House should have been. There was a market there at that time and the grandfather of so many people who came to makhachkala and i had nowhere to live to spend the night. In such a handful of traditions, he invited a cult of guests to his home, yes, that is, any person who goes to the house, and then people fell down who, well, were receiving some of their relatives, and there were just people nearby who turned out like this hmm without blood, probably not between after all everyone was led to them. Home, but grandfather was such a person. He was left an orphan at an early age and was brought up in the house of his uncle, uh, an arabist, and maybe, thats why, as it were, seeing life from the inside out. But this one can do it, thats why hes this cucumber code. He was very observant. It is very important. This is already history. Now its the turn to talk about the museum that you head, the Dagestan Museum of fine arts named after patimat saidovna. And gamzatova well, here we see Rasul Gamzatovich. Do we have more photo of the gamzatov spouses in yours, and mamai and dad. This is a wonderful photo of these cheerful people. Tell me, well, this famous photographer of ours came, kamil senses it, and he took some photographs, then it means questions. He said, i dont remember, even this camille feels or dad said, come on, thats why she was in the kitchen to go. Lets take off under the burka, and she also laughed like that. Yes , burka is very big, yes, and he said like this, come on, like this, so this is a selection. The main thing is, the same thing was like this an artist, he was very good at playing a situation funny, and he called her like that. Theyre already here. Well, the hours when this was filmed, we didnt even think that it would be published somewhere. So theyre like, damn, bourkes hat and tie, you dont even notice it right away, but its very harmonious, but the most important thing is that these people are happy. Yes, because pomade saidovna is, of course, a muse. Eh, rasula gamzatovich is not only his wife, but also his muse of inspiration for poetry, and he created a museum there for her, yes, this is her brainchild. Yes, that means we had a local history museum, and not in in the fiftyeighth year they adopted a resolution to create an art museum, because by that time there were already many artists and uh , in the thirties a large collection of russian and western european art, including paintings, was transferred to the local history museum, and in the fiftyeighth year the museum of fine arts was opened arts, and strangely enough, although this is what it is. It would seem like a beautiful organization, well, until the year sixtyfour. There were six shifts there. And about five or six or seven directors ago, 6 years, yes, practically. So why are they they changed so much and didnt want to get involved in museums, i dont know who these people were. Well, that means very much. So they took turns and as if there was no person who wanted to do this, and my mother went there. She turned out to be a very good leader, and she herself told the story. That when she came, she was surprised that , uh, money was allocated for the purchase of exhibits , and they were written off due to nonuse, that, no matter how they were engaged in this collecting activity, well, of course, this activity developed and we have all the collections arts and crafts. Very very good very good insult to not preserving, ill tell you the objects of the museums collection, as we are here for about 19 more. Um, now there are thousands of units. But, well, when my mother died , she was 16 something wonderful. Well, only silver , here we have 7,000 units saved. This is a special storage mode. Yes, you and i know how to preserve things. Well, these are 7,000 declination units. E. They were beautifully put together with her. We mentioned that we would listen to poetry today, and performed by anatoly prosalav. Now this one has come and we are now going to listen to a poem, uh, which is dedicated to the mother, but its called mother, because uh, mother for Rasul Gamzatov. And in general, for people from the caucasus, this is, uh, something absolutely sacred. So anatoly prosalov reads the mothers poem. As a mountain boy, i became unbearable among my family and rejected all your instructions with adultery, but the years passed and i did not like being involved in them before fate. But now im often shy, like a little kid in front of you. Here we are alone in the house today, i no longer melt in my heart, and im leaning towards your palms of your gray head. Im sad mom. Its sad, mom. I am a captive of the stupid bustle and i have felt so little attention in my life. You are spinning on a noisy carousel, wherever you go, but suddenly your heart will clench again. Really . I started to forget my mother. And you lovingly bear the reproach, looking anxiously at me, you will sigh, as if you had inadvertently shed a tear, a secretly armored star, sparkling in the sky, flies on its final flight. Do you have your boy in the palm of your hand . He lays his gray head, perhaps it would be appropriate to ask you. Well, heres how it is it turned out that you began to professionally read the poetry of Rasul Gamzatov. What happened to you when you began to read the poetry of Rasul Gamzatov, what about translation . Do you know if you were interested . Well, in general, tell me a little, its scary, its interesting from the other end of the family. Yes, not from dagestan, but from your side. It seems to me that like most people. Lets just say for soviet children it all started with cranes, because i am the grandson of frontline soldiers, my grandfathers fought, my grandmother was taken to a labor camp and the theme of the great patriotic war is very important for our family close, and thats why the song cranes has been heard since childhood and always when you hear it, tears well up. Well, you know the song, but even as a child you dont understand who the author is and you dont show interest in it, and already youre interested in Rasul Gamzatov and the realization that the song was written based on the poems of Rasul Gamzatov i learned this in high school, when near the school in my in my native lugansk, in the park at the tomb of the unknown soldier , a monument to the cranes was erected and there is a quote, of course, a quote. Uh, theres a red army woman, turning into the cranes are a very touching monument. And there the quote is not in the ground. They once lay down, but turned into white cranes, thats why i even speak and this melody sounds inside , these words sound. You remember them, you know them, and probably the most famous lines of gamzatovs pickle and maybe, well, those that have absorbed a lot of meanings. Its not even literature. Isnt that right . This is something more than literature. This is inside, and therefore without this victory day and makhachkala in dagestan was in makhachkala uh. Heres an amazing story in 2010. We were with the gogol theater on tour, and uh, they already saw the erected monument, and the taxi driver who uh, oars boasted and talked about us, and Rasul Gamzatov, our famous poet, avar and lenin avenue was renamed in his honor, which is absolutely fair and we wow, how its interesting that at the end of the tour the administration of makhachkala gave all the theater actors a gift. It was a collection of poems. And then for the first time i read the collection , already looked at some things and selected them for myself, thinking that maybe someday ill read it somewhere from the stage. And now , actually, almost 13 years later. Its great that theres a good story. True, rasuls salihat is the most incomprehensible thing in this world. Thats what he can achieve with an ardent desire to see the true and most complete picture. This is the reason for a persons desire for new knowledge. And if you collect all the available facts, then you can explain any phenomenon in general to lennon and on the path to understanding the world. Its important to keep asking questions and dont want to. Answers to them, as they have been doing for many years in the intellectual club. What where when autumn a series of games from september 24 on the first and always on 1tv. Ru how to make your renovation dream come true . Wedding car is approved for you. 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Allow yourself more every month. Return 2. 5 of your bet with bonuses. Thank you, you will have time to apply for a loan with increased cashback. Its more profitable to collect primer. I remind you that i am dmitry bak and here and now a literary podcast. Let them not talk, let them read. Please tell me, is your dads journey through dagestan country across the soviet union then around the world. They somehow responded to the family, he brought gifts, told something about where he had been, who he liked to meet, because, well, his fame had grown. He didnt tell the children that way. Well, my mother somehow didnt meet adults either. Somehow she didnt tell me. Well , i remember that, uh, almost my entire childhood. Just like that, we were waiting for our parents to go somewhere, come back and get bored, and i remember, what is the story . My sister told me that he had a classmate one was so sad, something about my mother. Okay, 3 days. So i cry, kiss arkachev, dad cries and nothing is fine, mom came back and said, so im telling you, they had a fight at school that you didnt sign my diary, and she signed it for me 2 months in advance. And another month ahead. This is wonderful. You can get deuces. And here is a wonderful photo of the gansatov family and here are the three sisters. Yes, yes and again it is clear that these are happy people. Yes, maybe tell your sisters where you are, well, moms older sister. And heres my sister a classmate who was crying wouldnt understand why she was crying, like chekhovs christers . Yes, yes, lets now, according to tradition , lets move on to the authors section, and in this section we either read something from the classics of the nineteenth century. Ahh, we either comment on some elements, also classic ones, or show books, this section is called old book. Well, its somehow not very correct to talk about the gamzator, as this book is about old books that are alive, which are with us, but still they were published a long time ago. Here it is in my hands. Eh, three collections. Eh, rasula gamzatova is just with mine bookshelf. As is always the case, the Museum Objects are not stored in the museum. And these are just my own books. Literally a few words. Here they are, and one of them is a book that was published, uh , soviet russia is divided and a star speaks like a star, and for those who know, uh, poetry, it is clear that the year sixtyfour is the year of the sixties. This is the year of the popularity of andrei voznesensky, the white modulina evgeniy yevtushenko was so okudzhava and very important that in the sixtyfourth year. It was published in the same year. Book e, Rasul Gamzatova and this is a very, uh, important fact. This means that it is already in the frame not only of avar dagestan literature, but also in russian literature, and the second book, uh, which i would like to show, is a book that was published in a series of collections that denoted high awards. Here are the poems for this book. Eh, high stars. Its called the stars again. By the way, this is me, only now i realized, high stars. This book is published by a soviet writer. It came out a little later, a few years after the first, but this is already a book by a lenin prize laureate, then several years pass and Rasul Gamzatov becomes such a recognized classic poet during his lifetime. You can say, i still want to add. Gamzatov has his own view and attitude. This is also gagarins taste and name and so on, very fashionable. This is a braid. Theme and he has high stars, but these are people, people, high stars. If only i could give it to you, it would be great if they mentioned this. I was born in the year sixtyone, therefore in my generation everyone was yury, that is , there were a lot of yuryev because gagarin was absolutely cult figure. And, of course, theres this headline. Eh, the spirit of the times and the dagestan book is also very interesting. And again here is space as long as the earth rotates. By the way, what does this poem object to, of course . Of course, i think maybe we ll do it now. Yes, that is, we see that it is no coincidence that this is the formulation of the poet and the planet, because Rasul Gamzatov is based on the values ​​of family traditional, rural mountaineers. He, of course, goes into orbit if we continue this style. This book has been published already in the seventies in makhachkala but in russian, what is important and translators may be important. Mention, and as far as i know , the translations were made into russian by his classmates at the Literary Institute , Yakov Kozlovsky, naum grebnevym, and it seems to me that the wide audience is precisely in their translations, sunny, and understandable to the russian reader. Eh, i dont know whether you will say this later or not, but i would like to say that Rasul Gamzatov did a lot for the avar people. He translated pushkins poems , of course, and introduced them to them. Here. E yesenina come on, Yakov Kozlovsky on umrebnev, of course, these are classics, but a lot of translators translated all this. Yes, of course, the ancient kazuskas were not even such outstanding poets for the dunes. Eh, simonov is chopped down. Rozhdestvensky, thats why he was translated and apparently, snow and Elena Nikolaevskaya i live a classmate who translated her on the street. Yes, yunna moritz, indeed, many poets who translated and translated are known. Uh, it was translated by Marina Anatolyevna akhmedova, also a very good poet, and uh, she worked for many years. Imagine, yes now heads our dagestan soviet writers. And now, recently, ovtsyn translated my fathers. That is, it continues, that is, yes, not what was translated. We are talking about translations, some people continue to transport their butts themselves and very unsuccessfully and for some reason from russian to russian, which is very sad. Yes, well, you know, on the one hand. Its sad on the other hand. This is slava, the peoples poet. Yes, anatoly, you promised us the elements. Okay , im sorry, please. Eh, the same ones as long as the earth turns. I drank the sun like people drink water, walking across the highlands towards the years red sunrise, red sunset following in the land of steep and proud peaks, where hearts have a special ardor, i drank stars from the speech of Mountain Springs in icy saws from a blue heavenly bowl in green thickets and meadows. I drank air greedily. The sweetest infused with clouds. I drank snowflakes where the paths intertwined over the steepness and i remember the snowflakes that i sipped melted along the way. I drank a lot. When the ashes bake in the mountains, here and there, where the north is strong in degrees, i drank frost like they drink vodka, when i drank thunderstorms. Whose glory to the lands the road is like the top edge of a glass sparkled, the rainbow and the rose hips came together again. Hops oozed from the dark rocks, i climbed the steep slope and inhaled the hop smells of the earths beauty. I reveled, blessed her destiny , fell in love, was killed more than once and drank songs, as i sang in a song. The nature of the human soul is complex. I drank with friends at the same time, in an hour of joy, buza made from honey in an hour of grief, bitter wine. And if i drank with my heart, then i didnt drink for fun and for those, i saw the ashes at hiroshima, i heard the festival and heard laughter and, blowing sharply, as if on beer, to blow away the empty foam, i drank the essence of life. Shes not lying, shes truthful the essence of life is that i love and rejoice and suffer and drink every day to the dregs and again i feel thirsty and thats the fault of life alone, let me leave the world. Once i did not quench my thirst in it, but people will thirst for this thirst as long as the earth turns. Wonderful. Thank you very much, in my opinion, it is very consistent with the nature of these lines. Yes, this is a translation by Yakov Kozlovsky, of course. Kozlovsky is one of the best translators and think about it. What poem . Indeed, it is about a lot of things. Yes, they are named here, and the photographs are very consistent with this darkness, because this is a man flying. As a matter of fact, yes, and collections that are called to the stars and the stars are mentioned, of course, what does he see in the mountains. Eh, in the caucasus the sky and stars are like unclean, so there is a world of transparent air , such farsightedness and at the same time family hospitality and kindness. Heres another thing thats important yes, this is exactly the kind of poetry he likes. There was even such a famous poem that the song was yellow leaves , leaves, people are falling. Hes trampling with his galoshes, there s something in the clay with his galoshes or people have forgotten how a lot of good things, these leaves were once crushed on them. I know that new leaves will grow and new gatherings will appear, but for some reason it seems to me that the laws of nature are unfair. Its so touching to write about these leaves. Yes, and he seems to be saying, well, its new and this is what , well, autumn, i found it, they fell, what else is there, like, they were supposed to