a prison cot have an orgy with the entire backup dancer squad of britney spears vegas show that down for it in that vein the federal government on tuesday carried out its 1st execution in almost 2 decades but they couldn't do it without the tacit approval of the supreme court skoda as they're called or scrotes as i like to call them cleared the way for the execution by declining to hear a case this is the 1st execution in 17 years and it was done by lethal injection because hang in asean as kind of gotten a bad rap these days it feels too wild west and electrocution has been on the outs because the environmentalists were furious the electricity was coming from coal power plants i mean if you're going to turn a guy into a shift bob don't use dirty energy to do it ok can we agree on that maybe he could pedal a bike that powers his own murder that's eco friendly that's a green death arrivederci or death by wind turbine i'm sure if you guys got close enough to one of those things the propellers could knock his head clean off that would be totally environmentally sustainable. but actually the only reason the electric chair even became a thing was because thomas edison wanted to crush his business rival george westinghouse seriously edison refused to take nickel and tesla device that alternating current was the way to go for electricity edison decided that there was only one thing to do to prove that westinghouse alternating current generators were more dangerous than edison's direct current in order to prove his claim edison held a public executions oftentimes in front of reporters of animals such as dogs and horses at a demonstration that addison held at coney island he electrocuted and killed a circus elephant named topsy so if your teenager and you kill a dog then you're a satanist and you go to juvie but addison deep fried 0 circus elephant and he's in esteemed inventor. yet edison also sought to prove his wonderful new toy worked on a human convicted murderer william keller was the lucky contestant come on down after they exact him the creator of the electric chair arthur southwick which edison helped fund spoke to the crowd just as southwick announced this is the culmination of 10 years' work and study we live in a higher civilization today everyone noticed that killer was still alive welcomed a higher civilization please ignore the stench of burning hair that's also what it says outside the oval office. and anyway we basically don't use the electric chair anymore now we use the highly civilized lethal injection there's only one problem we can't get our hands on the drugs to murder people because there's an e.u. export ban on the lethal injection drugs we need in the country that manufacture the drugs don't want them used for our goddamn barbaric medieval experiments in human indecency but the trouble ministration will not be detail it is these recent federal executions of mark to call the nation of a 3 year a campaign to line up a secret supply chain to make and test lethal injection drugs even a strong sign you're an alcoholic when your friends start hiding the alcohol from you. well what is it when your friends are hiding the murder of cocktails from you hey buddy don't you think you've killed enough people this way don't 7 know i know i know i know i know you can stop anytime you want i know of course i believe you but why don't you just take 2 a break you know see see how it feels one night without killing someone you know see how that gets. so apparently the administration has been working on this secret protocol since 2017 and it's designed to keep hidden who the drug suppliers and testers are but many have now been found out and in some cases even the companies involved in testing the deadly penna barbara tall said they didn't know its intended purpose all 3 firms told reuters the justice department did not hire them directly saying they were contracted by a compound in pharmacy here's a hint you might be on the wrong side of history when your government has to pretend to be someone else when contracting with chemical companies that make killer cocktails because if they found out what you were doing with the drugs they would refuse to work with you on moral grounds. however 6 making our bombs that kill innocent people overseas is not something companies hide from no they take pride in it the new tomahawks come out of one factory this one to 26 are manufactured by the wreath. is one of the missile executives and this is the final configuration before it goes out the door to a customer we have people like saudi arabia murdered children in yemen it's quite a privilege to do the lord's work. one of the companies testing trump's new murder a cocktail is called dinah labs and the co-founder michael pruitt would like you to know that your government testing murder of chemicals is really a heart warming story he said quote i'd rather know if someone i knew was going to when i was being put to death with a lethal injection i'd rather know that the injection was tested by a qualified laboratory yes if a friend of mine were big murdered i'd like to know the chemicals were really top notch spare no expense if you kill in my pals kind of like if if i were watching my bass made being strangled i would want it to be strong professional hands you know like a auto mechanic or a drummer. anyway i don't have time for all the other reasons the death penalty is an idiotic barbaric flawed pointless stupid waste of human life but on the plus side at least the elephants now know who's boss. coming from washington d.c. the belle of the base is redacted and i. welcome you can now let's take the news from behind in the middle of this pandemic when donald trump has tried to kill as many children as possible sorry sorry that's that's coming up next month so far he's just been aiming at adults well we'll get to the kid soon when we reopen all the schools and institute the free taco sharing buffet a with a sneeze guard option all listen children if you're not good enough to not die from coven 19 then maybe you shouldn't be in the advanced placement classes ok stay back with the kids learning how to make a block of wood out of a larger block of wood speaking of sneeze guides i see people wearing those plastic masks that are like made out of a 2 liter pepsi bottle when they sneeze in one of those does not just spray across the inside of that thing just like you like a squirrel hit the windshield of your chevy tahoe at 90 miles an hour. i guess you need some sort of like a windshield wiper on the inside of that mask i mean bending that no one steel that as mine. anyway in the middle of this pandemic trumps poll numbers are tanking and there's a lot of criticisms go around but i have i have i am sick and tired of people saying that trump doesn't accomplish anything but oh in fact he has succeeded in some massive achievements one of the biggest just happened recently he has created a stunning and powerful partnership between nations yes trumps harsh sanctions have led to an iran china partnership trying to and iran have drafted a sweeping economic and security partnership according to new york times china will get a regular heavily discounted supply of iranian oil for the next 25 years as well as an expanded role in iranian banking ports railways telecommunications and myriad other projects iran and china will also increase their military cooperation said. mark. trump is accomplishing all kinds of stuff he's such a dick the china and iran have been forced into bed together in an awkward sticky romantic trist i honestly i love i love this story because it completely infuriates everyone from rachel maddow out of my palm peo to bill kristol to sean hannity and mitch mcconnell to nancy pelosi to chuck woolery all the corporate psychopaths who make up the new year old liberals and the neo cons are paying themselves. whereas those of us who fall in the how do i call rational part of the spectrum we understand that we should want all countries to cooperate and work together china iran rice the us narnia the pharaoh man of wyoming all the countries coming together getting along solving problems giving suggestive back rubs not turning the atmosphere to ash and a nuclear armageddon and playing pickle ball. things. of course if you really want to really want to dig down deep we can also talk about how nation states are figment of our imagination often used to control us and it takes loads of social engineering to make you think that someone in indonesia is somehow less connected to you as a human than someone in nebraska but no one wants to dig that deep because it ruins dinner parties. my point is america lose. one of the bags. anyone who was born. within certain lines on a map did no one remembers who drew them or why they got there but anyone anyone born inside there. josh. moving on you already know that the impacts of climate change are speeding up it was so hot a few days ago here in washington d.c. that i just sat down and cried i just i just sat there and cried. i was in the ice cream aisle in the grocery store at the time and it was 192 degrees outside and i'm lactose intolerant so i guess i just cried and i pressed my nipples up against the glass freezer door so that the ben and jerry's chunky monkey would know i still love it i still love it no matter how long we've been apart. they scored me out of the grocery store there in front of them. anyway despite the impact of our boiling planet from media coverage of climate change during maggy of this year as tracked by the media and climate change observatory which monitors $120.00 media sources in $56.00 countries has found a 52 percent drop compared to may of last year so this 50 percent drop in coverage was compared to last year even though last year was also all major news networks devoted less than 4 hours to climate change in 2019 total for the year they devoted more than 4 hours to the fact that jared dimples abandoned his face. which could we blam them i mean i mean the devils can we when you get out of there has left years ago to along with his pride and super ego his intelligence and his moral core but that story is not more important than the fact of the earth is on fire even j.p. morgan chase the biggest funder of fossil fuels on the planet has admitted we. possibly kind of there's a chance of there a qualifier be totally. earlier this year j.p. morgan chase's economists wrote an internal report leaked to extinction rebellion stating that they cannot rule out catastrophic outcomes where human life as we know it is threatened nothing to worry about there that's just human life as we know it's all have some other kind of grey human life where we get to where sweet 247 fires to it's and breathe through our anus because the air at our head level will be too polluted with ash sounds cool. but i want to leave you without any good news. and i don't consider reading to you as good news not sure where you stand on that that's up to you know the good news is that there are still a lot of human beings around the planet who are devoting their lives to solving this problem. but khanabad why probably doesn't. tell and john when you're a climate solution scientists probably doesn't put a lot of backs on mattresses no to me. but yes all day every day there are people trying to save us from ourselves the latest effort to decrease the carbon in the atmosphere comes from rocks yes rocks according to smithsonian magazine by spreading rock dust over large swatches of land carbon dioxide could be trapped and transform scrubbing in from the atmosphere if this technique called enhanced weathering were to be employed around the world scientists estimate 2000000000 tons of carbon dioxide could be removed from the atmosphere in each year you heard it here 1st spreading rocks just over fields could save us even though i was hoping they say spreading angel dust over our nasal passages was going to be the answer however rock dust even if you do globally would not solve the whole problem it would only take some of the carbon out of the air so we'll have to do this enhanced weathering and stop using fossil fuels and stop throwing out plastic bottles once every 10 seconds and lock the higher ups of j.p. morgan chase in the trunk of a sedan in a sunny parking lot in nevada in august that last one is more for fun than to save the planet but i'm down i'm down someone has a sedan that they don't mind smelling like old roast beef for a few years. we're going to a short break but if you're watching this on you tube go get our full episodes on the free streaming at portable t.v. we'll still be putting all their decks night segments on you tube but the full episodes will be on portable t.v. i'll be right back with a lot more. no shots. actually felt. a strong no thanks to. which your thirst for action. welcome back i'm still a camp if you paid any attention to the trump administration you know there anti regulation you when it comes to vetting who sponge baze your grandma during a pandemic but despite over 55000 nursing home related deaths the white house reduced the required training hours for nursing home assistants from 75 to 8. 8 hours for more on this we go to our senior sr lover that when the bill hello ladies call me crazy but i think the training required to take care of the elderly should take longer than watching all 3 back to the future movies ask anyone like me who got a d.c. driver's license and they'll tell you haven't dozens of hours of training doesn't mean you're good at something everyone in virginia found that out the hard way last week when i went viral for driving on interstate 395 my god are you are you making a u. turn on the highway was an emergency and you'll be happy to know that when i got home i actually did set my d.v.r. for the new episode of this is so crisis averted just like the nursing home industry's crisis of trying to recruit workers these 75 hours of training and frankly we should be putting up barriers that anyone who actually wants to wipe my grandfather's because after the way he reacted to our family surprise birthday party for him last year i'm sure it's not doing that again any time soon i'm not fine don't. but no way one should have a job dealing with vulnerable vulnerable population after only a few hours of training meds crazy. cops do it all the time and get a free gun out of it not to mention more money since these workers are temporary after the pandemic and they'll still have to complete the full 75 hours to be certified so until then i think it's ok that there's no requirement to watch the required videos or download the assignments and that there's only one time to cessnock that means it's not even 8 hours that they're probably getting certified wall cutting their toenails ok that's not true a political reporter registered in obtained a temporary certificate using the internet to look up test answers and less than 40 minutes and if you need nearly 40 minutes that cut your toenails then maybe you'd need nursing home care yourself but there might be some vacancies since the trumpet . astray should not only way of training requirements but rules that made it harder to kick out residents and forced nursing homes to maintain quarterly health reports of each resident so not only can they seniors but they don't have to keep track of their health during a pandemic leave leave replacing residents of covert 900 patients keeps these nursing homes alive pussys are so fragile that it's a lot easier to just say someone have kovi it instead of forcing workers to file health reports that look like this front page of the new york times those are the names of the people who died and there's no point in keeping nursing homes alive if none of the people inside of them are alive the nursing home industry clearly wants to maximize profits instead of safety given the lack of p.p.a. lack of experience lack of transparency. what are you doing what were you going sorry sorry when you said p.p.a. i remembered i have to protect myself before i get out of here. you don't have a driver's license anymore i still have it this is just actually for the next time i got to make a highway you turn. now now it's still a tear after much. all right now it's time to get to some of the stories we didn't have time to get to here with me is redacted correspondent and does leave a clear thanks for being here anderson what you got well the election is swiftly approaching just a few months away november trudging along at my excitement we get to really exciting candidates one of whom joe biden just called his opponent president trump the 1st racist president in american history which is that was a shock to me i don't know if you knew this but. he's the 1st one to drop bombs on people who are going to stand native americans on a trail of tears it was it was all trumped right i was trying to thrash my head think of like honestly the 1st not racist president and i think it arguably barack obama although some military age males in some parts of the world would this agree from the advent of you know he continued our white supremacy wars there is that and our terrible prison system anyway but yeah the 1st president to own slaves so to say we didn't start with racist presidents rights that is slim pickens for now i think james garfield probably be one he died after being in office for like 2 months or so so he had the shortest amount of racist time yet well the shortest amount with what was william henry harrison who was definitely racist but garfield was pretty cool he was shot on a monday by the way as woodrow wilson was inducted into the klan in a white house ceremony he. showed birth of the nation at the white house is this maybe biden's memories going it only goes back a few minutes while you that he was around for all this stuff so you'd think he would know about it but simone sanders is his comms director clarified that he meant like in the modern era no no races have been elected which again totally historical ronald reagan the thrust of his campaign was was dog whistling about wealth. queens and he and his 1900 can paint in philadelphia mississippi where civil rights activists had been murdered by a white mob i think we're calling the modern era the last years which means i have not my parents parents in the modern era through yes i mean there has only been one president in the modern era in that case unless you count mike pence possibly. but yet so the election is trudging along one of the contenders for vice president is kamel harris who's thought of it you know sort of balancing you know it's so much energy and love during her run for the presidency i can understand yeah. but if you have 3 people that are going to write all these supposedly progressive who love kamel harris would be thrilled she's post about take it she's spot of a sort of you know. a overture towards the progressive wing of the party but she voted against the sanders amendment for the. defense bill that would have cut spending on spending by 10 percent was going to she did she's a right wing republican right i mean it's she was somebody who was like i'm on board with single payer until it looks like i'm going to actually pass the not so much she like with this i think she's wants to be considered for vice president and they don't want to take it even though you're 2020 after decades of endless wars and deeply deep on popularity of these wars they don't want a vice presidential candidate who wants to cut the military budget even though it's been going up exponentially every year but all bernie wants to do is bring it down to like a couple years ago it was like 10 or the cut is only 10 percent or 10 percent any want to reinvest that in our will in terri we spend more on our military than a $144.00 countries combined we do and a lot of that money i think we're going to be all right at war it comes we're going to be more than all right a lot of that money is going to companies that we have contracts with that. a recent report showed that there are these companies have been cited many many times for self for health and safety violations fair labor standards problems and one out of every and pentagon dollars is going to these companies that have all these unfair labor practices and we're just as in the that's really upset i would have thought that the money we dumped into our death machine would really go to the best upstanding companies yeah i guess our camouflage def dollars are going to bad places i guess so we need to put on those camouflage eye shades and really like get along or scrupulous with the numbers. and is that what thanks for having me. here are your headlines from the future on monday you'll read. justice department begins executing death row prisoners by dousing them in cali urine leaving them alone in my palm pilot office that'll do it and a week from now you'll learn. trump proudly announces nation may resume trading essential workers like. progress progress and a few weeks from now. c.d.c. hastily tells the nation to stop wearing masks after realizing thousands of ninjas have been blending seamlessly into society terrifying that's our show but you can watch my free standup comedy special leak at american dot com also check out my new book full of comedy politics and revolution camp book dot com until next time goodnight you keep arriving. thinking of getting a huge pile of the ones we got or she. didn't know when to use traps and this time you know why are people who use a crate with him he will stir freaking out when it's pretty much anywhere near thousands of breeding dogs are caged in the into lane conditions on puppy farm i mean 67 years you know they've been locked up in a cage outside you see no protection from the weather the heat you know the courtier the rain the snow the funder nothing they have no protection. because you . know it's 2 kids. across the u.s. cruel puppy mills are supported by dog shows and pet stores most of the puppies that are coming from these large scale factory farming kind of operations are being sold at stores even joined a group businesses are involved like cargill them center there has been a shocking amount of organized opposition to efforts to increase the standards of care for dogs bred in commercial breeding facilities most of that opposition is coming from huge agricultural groups and industries that have nothing to do with jobs don't buy dog. i think we need to kind of just get back to realizing that modern medicine has a few some great things but actually when it comes to what has increased our life expectancy more than anything else. the last 550 years must be public health you know modern medicine can be attributes to any maybe 3 and off to 5 years so i think . over an increase of 40 years in the last century in office and that's again something that people who we find quite surprising quite shocking. like most of the united states prostitution is illegal in california. merely 5 kilometers from hollywood's tourist bag a dark industry comes to life each night as dozens of young women are selling their bodies on the street. in the hollywood vice squad surgeon who knows and his men are gearing up for a major operation. on the way back to. hundreds of.

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