A period of time and mean once we get the you know. The antidote to the virus and maxines i think it will get get back to touching and kissing and and hugging each other you know we are mammals we are built to touch and kiss and hold each other but i do think that we are going to be more careful with people that we dont know. I think were in an age of transparency in age in which you get to know somebody very well before the touching starts and before the kissing starts and i think this is particularly. Important for singles because you know when youre married to somebody. Youre going to get a virus or not get a virus but youre not moving out youre not leaving the prison but when youre dating when youre courting i think its going to be the age of transparency and the day the one night stand is now over at least for a while we didnt have any hair on. That display like you sad is going to come back a whole hugging and kissing its just a question of which is i know how much time i mean he could take to a year or kid to get that scene out of the actual properly test and tell actually start using a says before that is a year or 2 thoughtful up time right physical contact because its part of our nation like your say so that a vital nonverbal means of communication. Triggers and dorf a system in our brain is all those things will be excluded from our social habits for that time for our kids where really getting to us and her feels an awesome toxins from. You know you can fall madly in love with somebody who you have never met in person and you can feel feelings of deep attachment when somebody over the internet says something thats really interior you can even fall in love with somebody without ever touching i mean these are basic brain systems and they just live within a set and you know suddenly you read a good poem and you can still you know start to cry. You can read an email that makes you mad and suddenly the brain circuitry for anger becomes active and you can certainly be talking to somebody and they can tell you how much they love you or that they are dying to kiss you or hold you and you can begin to feel that feeling of deep attachment so these are basic brain systems they can be really triggered almost at any time now its better to do the honey no question about it and when you have sex with somebody with orgasm theres a real side of oxytocin and days of present and you can feel theories of deep attachment but you can feel all those feelings just are getting a beautiful birthday card from somebody who loves you know these brain systems are not going to die just because weve got a virus theyre very primitive you know we didnt have 3 distinctly different brain systems for mating and reproduction sex drives a series of intense room. And feelings of deep attachment and any one of them can be triggered even over the internet even through face time so when you say one night stand your eyes over for an hour and how it will be reevaluating physical contact will become more intimate for more international or an excuse if it is not yes i definitely think so it whats interesting now is were seeing the rise of the whole new stage in the courts of process. You know prior to this pandemic people met on the internet and then they went out and met in person and now during this lot down theyve met on the internet and then spent hours on the internet you know doing video chatting there on face time resume or sky. And theyre getting to know somebody before the kids he starts and i do think that this new stage of courting on the internet will remain after the pandemic subsides simply because its logical you know in the old days and they just before the pandemic when you went out and met somebody for the 1st time you know theres always this concert will sing am i going to kiss or should i kiss and do a whole has its gone its off the table when youre courting on the internet with video chatting. You know sex is not involved money is also not involved you dont have to decide you know do we go to a stance a restaurant do we have a stance you drink or do we go to a coffee bar and spend 20 minutes and very little money moneys of the table and sexes are so table and what hes on a table is self disclosure what people are doing much more during this pandemic is having conversations with each other stocks and in terms of singles theyre doing much more courting on the internet so by the time they get to the 1st date they will have already done a lot of stuff disclosure which builds intimacy. They were already know that they want to meet this person and that they want to kiss this person that they dare produce the present because it had his transparency already so were going to see fewer 1st dates but theyre going to be much more meaningful 1st dates. And. And i think the kitchen is going to start very rapidly because these people have already gotten to know each other so i think among people who really know each other the transparency is occurring theyre talking about where theyve been who live test and they feel safe themselves and i think theres going to be just as much intimacy between people who really know each other and have good conversations before the kissing starts. What youre saying and describing right now it seems like that they online video sort of romancing that we got to see to a competitor to say to this last 3 months could actually result in to changing completely that harry down of dating legit before a leg you know you think twice i want to see this person not a good offense rests on our nonissue the kids are not and now you lock down your house for 2 to 3 months so you see this person almost every day on the radio on this ng and sort of new confession like psychotherapy where you confess and have a need to tell them everything about you and they do the same thing i mean they all the level of openness about oneself has never been higher to to my perception because thats been speaking to people nearly oh my god this is huge every dating app right now has a video because it has become the biggest thing advertising lately on the deal with the other person and its a hospital because if you want to end it ages enough to stop it in the hideous so were going to miss the were going to kiss your frogs by the time you go out meet somebody in person youre going to know that you know all this stuff transparency has occurred youve created the intimacy with that person and now you know id like to go to a fancier to spend more money on that drink and just of his unity because you know were going to just youre frogs and i do think i think youre absolutely correct that this is a new stage in dating dating courtship on the internet before you meet in person and in many respects removing starwood to the past i mean in a century ago people do a lot of kind of talking before they ever actually went out on the date so its slowing down the court ship process and i think thats slowing down which is actually very healthy because all of my data show that the longer you court and the later you read. More likely you are to remain together so we may even be seeing more stability in in our partnerships but you know courtship is always been changing you are suggesting that this is a big change it is its a huge change but you know to think about when the automobile change and in the United States by the late 1940 s. Or early 1950 s. A lot of people were able to afford. A car and what did they get that i really didnt bedroom i mean motown you know i mean it changed courtship the automobile the Birth Control pill changed courtship actually going way back several 1000 years ago when we invented the place that changed courtship so critic is always going to change and whats interesting about this new twist dating on the internet video chats its actually going to change friendship i think in a very productive way to write off white marble can hold the hard. Scientific advisor for the last days. Laughs and they are all too human relations. Are stated us. Is your media a reflection of reality. In a world transformed. What will make you feel safe from. The isolation community. Are you going the right way or are you being led somewhere. Direct. What is true what is faith. In a world corrupted you need to descend. To join us in the depths. Or a made in the shallowness. Unilateral any station of occupied territory is evil under International Law this is exactly what Israel Intends to do when it comes to the west bank on this edition of the program we discussed why he israel is doing this International Reaction and the state of the policy. Joining me every thursday on the alex salmond show and ill be speaking to guest of the world of politics sports business im show business ill see you than. The one guy up here he was a may found him literally dead like this standing up. A guard here and his girlfriend they were found in their part of that they just. Cuddled up and they were dead for like 3 days holding each other this wall so people who have lost their lifes early to addition. Yeah this is from akron. That crown is better known as the meth capital of the high and its a city where the number of drug addicts keeps growing every year. I came up when i was 14 and my whole family were drug addicts. Throughout much of the 1990 s. And beyond and the doctors were encouraged and in some cases incentivized to overprescribe. I mean enough to sedate a small country where you should also hear about people buy all that stuff and we got to go to a dead guy was just crazy too much you know to do it. And they are still coming you know one after the next. And were back with helen fisher anthropology sentient sente advisor for the nasa called a serious talk about relationships helen. Its funny say that courtship before was about you know taking your time getting to know each other and talking to each other and more time you take to court the stable relations get so that that is the thing that leads me to the thought that the relationship that will start during the current a virus or coming out of the car is who much more stable than there was that was seen before so in a way we sort of like rewinding and going back to basics and this is classic sad story by shapley all dating in the future as their own through Services Like real life match home and when the protagonists actually finally loses all hope with them he has a reason or so hes nach maker chaperone auntie to find him a match will say so finally with a d. Id you feel like people may be getting tired of the 21st century ways of finding romance in the old school courtship are essentially coming back absolutely and we can see in front of our faces were going to have fewer dates because were going to meet people on the internet and were going to get rid of the ones that dont work on the internet before we meet in person and those 1st dates are going to be much more meaningful. Yes i think it. I think is going to be a lot less you know one night stands i think we still will have friends with benefits i meant as a people. This was i call it slow love and ive written out about it recently the mere fact that the question is really slowing down i mean before the internet before the pandemic. Over 70 percent are single started to courtship just as just friends are they just friends and talking to this prison is just and then moving into friends with benefits you know you learn a lot between the sheets not just hasnt been to make love but you know whether theyre kind whether they can listen with a sympathetic whether theyve got a sense of humor or they can take instructions. Between the sheets about something so they start out as this parents and move into friends with benefits and and then they slowly tell. Friends and sammy about this this new person and they slowly move in together and later they wed i mean were marriage used to be the beginning of a partnership now its the finale the whole a whole course of process is slowing down and what this pandemic has done is slow it down some more but you know its very interesting when you are mentioned something recently. Any kind of catastrophe maces take a look at who we are what weve got what we dont have what we need and i do think that more and more people are going to get Serious Partnership at a younger age. Theyre very very careful with stillness courtships going to slow down but i think theyre going to want to know every single thing about somebody before they marry and i think theyre going to take a long time understand who somebody is and as i mentioned that you know all of the data show that the longer the courtship is the later you marry the more likely you are to Stay Together research you know we have a pandemic thats creating chaos in every other part of our life but in this particular single courtship romance it is it may be a bit of a guest. Strict could also be his is so ok i around us and certainly in most unbearable thing for a human mind that you need to look for sensibility anywhere you can and then maybe the relationship and courtship is that stronghold where you can make it stable and everything around you is falling apart and the world as you knew it doesnt exist anymore at least have this a stable relationship and you can hold on to that and not go crazy do you think that could be also part of it absolutely i mean lets not forget the fact that i mean i think it also hinted at this before i think its creating a great sense of appreciation for the basics and i also do think its going to be various people who break up after this is over because you know anything having to wait i mean the amount of divorces are unprecedented i mean on one hand youre saying going to get more marriage is endemic on terror but then as we see people are divorcing krosnick and immense is that whats interesting is you know it came over in new york about hanun about a serious soaring divorce rate in in in china but what they didnt say is its probably also a story in marriage rate too and its sorry in amount of people who really realize oh she is still oh she is the one weve now been stuck in you know in one room for 3 months and we were able to get along and cyber issues and so i wasnt sure whether i should marry him or her whether i should make a Long Term Partnership of some kind and now i think i can so its interesting our new is always talking about the story of divorce rate but not talking about what is probably equally true this is because we dont have the numbers there 7 are because were too to get the ratings is very sad about divorces like its very sad about. Death than love well youre a journalist and so i think your guess is better than mine but. My guess is that my educated guess is that the press really knows where papers and the bad news and a good dose. Of fact my boyfriend just wrote a book called the power of bad and how you know we do try to sell the bad and see the bad in fact the brain is very well built to remember is a bad theres a huge brain region called negativity and we tend to remember the bad image for millions of years in these little had it together in groups nice to remember who your friends were but if you didnt remember who your enemies were you could die so the brain is very well built to remember the bad and i do think i newspaper sort of almost naturally tell you about the divorce rate and maybe they dont collect much data about the marriage rate either and also its much more than just marriage i mean you could collect data on a minute people get married right after. Right after a pandemic but i dont know if we can ever collect data on how many people decide ok now were going to live together ok now were going to start a relationship ok now weve been able to be together since 3 months i think we can continue at it because theres no date on it just not being corrected but i know the brain you know i think you know i i my colleagues have put over 100 people into a brain scanner to study the brain circuitry of romantic love and were built to love we were able to live in a lot of people who are divorced a vast majority will find a new love and were stable love and do it all over again so just and it is making all this. What we need what we dont have and drive us to making the kinds of partnerships that will be more stable i love what youre saying than elf that adelaide this whole Old Fashioned corti have taken it seriously getting to know each other and all that lady sat a phenomena of our friends with benefits is not a completely disappear or a we certainly have and mostly men a force for afraid of serious relationship you know men men tend to be serial daters. Well i think to disagree actually i think a lot of people think that you know i have studied law for over 40 years now and im now chief science advisor to match dot com and ive been there for 15 years collecting Scientific Data and every year i do this study called singles in america we do not poll match members as noted was the match membership is a National Representative sample of singles based on the u. S. Census and as it turns out year after year men fall in love faster than women they fall off and then women when they meet somebody that they are in love with they they want to introduce that person to friends and family sooner its basic mate guarding. When they get into a Real Partnership men have more intimate conversations with their wives or girlfriends than women do with their husbands or boyfriends because women have their intimate conversations with their girlfriends and men are to have to as well actually kill themselves when relationship is over so ive been trying to tell the world and maybe this is my opportunity that men actually were fragile sex when it comes to romance and when i put men into the brain scanner the way i do with women just same and even gay people frankly basis is in brain systems the brain system like the sears system or the anger system the brain systems for a minute but it actually is treating cat in lies way below your cortex where you do you think you are way below the. Factories in the middle of the head there are straight the most its a basic drive and its a basic drive to find lifes greatest prize which is a mating partner and then probably fall in love faster than women because men are more visual and men have a little less to lose i mean a woman is going to have that baby and you know then 9 months and for millions of years it was dangerous hard to asian delivering a child is very dangerous and in every culture on earth women spend more time you know raising a child and. The age of sort now men spend their lives for millions of years going and hunting dangerous animals so they can see that sound so we are a pair bonding species and man have for millions of years taken the responsibility of being a good father and a good house and whats interesting right now is you know people are constantly talking to me about you know technology is changing Love Technology is changing