ooh, you are so amazing. look at the time. keep the lights off! trump is getting soft. i mean, this has never happened before. >> is that a cheeseberger? nice! cool. almost done? >> bing, bing, bong, bing, bing -- >> okay! ( cheers and applause ) >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert. stephen welcomes sharon stone, rob riggle and musical guest fall out boy, featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: yeah, whoa! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! please, have a seat! you're very nice! ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "the late show." i'm your shows stephen colbert. ( piano riff ) wow! ( cheers and applause ) it's been an exciting 24 hours because, last night, on the verge of a government shutdown, with funding running out on healthcare for nine million children, going toe to toe with a madman with a thermonuclear arsenal, donald trump stayed laser-focused-- by announcing the winners of his fake news award, the fake news awards, or fakies. i'm sad to say the "late show" was snubbed. ( audience reacts ) yeah, i know. it's hard to take. at least, for once, we didn't lose to john oliver. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) we really tried. we ran an aggressive "for your consideration" campaign, including this real, actual giant billboard in times square. we just assumed trump would see it because times square has his two favorite things: fast food and a hint of urine. ( laughter ) allegedly. allegedly! allegedly! ( laughter ) a lot of trump fans here tonight. that's nice. it's going to be a smooth evening. ( laughter ) like everything with donald trump, this awards ceremony was overhyped and underwhelming. he pumped this ag as a big even, but in the end the president just tweeted "and the fake news winners are, dot-dot-dot..." with a link. and when you clicked the link, it took you to the g.o.p. website which said, "404 error. presidency not found." yes. ( laughter ) i'm not making that up. that's the actual website. that's so embarrassing. i wonder who set it up? >> i have so many websites, i have them all over the place. i hire people, they do a website, it cost me $3. ( laughter ) >> stephen: you were overcharged. ( piano riff ) so, the g.o.p. page it was on crashed, presumably due to high traffic volume. makes sense. gop.com was only built to receive email from reince priebus' mom -- who i assume is named floreince sheibus. ( laughter ) that joke doesn't mean anything. i just really like the mockup. "fox & friends" steve doocy described the website crash this way -- >> from fake news to break news because it broke the internet when the fake news awards were released. >> stephen: no, he didn't break the internet. his website just sucks. ( laughter ) but, thank you for saying "broke the internet," which gave us an excuse to make this. ( laughter ) drink it in. drink it in. eventually, they did get the site up and running. so, ladies and gentleman, welcome to the first annual donald j. trump fakie awards-- and it's a poorly-formatted p.d.f. of stories trump considered "fake news." there isn't even a trophy. you can't just make a list and call it awards. "honey, we're out of milk. i guess i'll add that to the grocery awards." ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) so who was the big winner? drum roll, please. ( drum roll ) number one, because major awards are always numbered: the "new york times'" paul krugman, for his article claiming the economy would never recover from a trump presidency. damn! i really thought it would be "lady bird." ( laughter ) that was a good movie. but paul krugman shouldn't even have been eligible. first of all, it's an editorial, and opinions can't be fake. second, everybody in the op-ed game knows krugman is juicing. ( laughter ) he's disqualified. ( laughter ) that was a surprisingly disturbing image just now. ( laughter ) now, according to the gop.com, these awards had to happen because, since trump was elected, the media has spent 90% of the time focused on negative coverage. well, yeah! trump is bad at being president 90% of the time. just this week, we're preparing -- ( cheers and applause ) i mean, i'm not making this up! just this week, we're preparinga porn star, and almost lost hawaii. it's only thursday! ( laughter ) yes, yes, almost lost hawaii! ( applause ) ( piano riff ) very kind. of course, the fake news awards might be the last thing the government ever does because we could be 24 hours away from the government shutting down. now, it's hard to know who's to blame. is it the republican majority who hates government, or the democratic minority who don't? six of one, we refuse to fund the half a dozen other. there's no way. ( laughter ) there was one last ditch effort to find a bipartisan solution. republicans offered democrats six years of funding for the children's health insurance program, or chip. but as part of the deal, they included getting rid of a bunch of taxes that pay for obamacare. nancy pelosi, wasn't impressed: >> as i said to you, this is like giving you a bowl of doggy doo, put a cherry on top, and call it a chocolate sundae. ( laughter ) >> mmm, mmm! >> stephen: or as donald trump called it -- >> the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake you've ever seen. ( laughter ) >> stephen: oh, yeah. ( applause ) the deal still might have gone through, but donald trump snatched defeat from the jaws of helping children, tweeting, "chip should be part of a long term solution, not a 30 day, or short term, extension!" leading lindsay graham to say, we don't have a reliable partner at the white house. or that could have been melania. either way, they're both pretty upset. and one g.o.p. source described the trump white house as, "the most feckless bunch of boobs i've ever encountered." that's actually what the physician said about trump's chest x-ray. ( laughter ) perfectly healthy, though. perfectly. ( laughter ) ( applause ) thank you. ( rim shot ) what's a man have to do for a rim shot. i can say rim don't cbs, right? ( laughter ) and remember, it's not just chip he torpedoed. he already threw all hope of compromise on daca into the ( bleep )-hole. so yesterday, white house chief of staff and shop teacher telling you to quit horsing around with that buzz saw, john kelly, met with the congressional hispanic caucus to try to smooth things over on immigration. though he may not have been the best choice to talk to the hispanics caucus, considering that kelly once considered separating immigrant parents from their accompanying children, a move that led the "new york times" to call him "the deacon of deportation." ( audience reacts ) in this corner, the deacon of deportation, the sultan of swat teams, john the ice team cometh, kelly! ( applause ) at the meeting, general kelly said that when trump campaigned on building the wall, his promises were "not fully informed." which is an optimistic way of saying "fully of crap." ( laughter ) which, i've got to say, is the sort of thing the president usually finds insulting, and lashes out. but, this time, he chose to be the bigger man, stayed focused on bringing all sides together, and remained silent. i'm just kidding. ( laughter ) no. he tweeted, "the wall is the wall." he knows that because it was on his cognitive test. ( laughter ) what's that? yes. "the wall is the wall. that's a rhinoceros. it's like a wall with a pokey nose. ( laughter ) can i have my cookie now? ( laughter ) but he tweeted on, "it has never changed or evolved from the first day i conceived of it." he's right. that wall promise is just as real now as the day he yanked it out of his keister. ( laughter ) and, he continued to continue, "parts will be, of necessity, see-through, and it was never intended to be built in areas where there is natural protection such as mountains, wastelands or tough rivers." i believe "tough rivers" was a frequent costar of "stormy daniels." ( laughter ) ( applause ) yes. ( piano riff ) >> stephen: thank you. thank you. peabody, please! ( laughter ) and there was more. "the wall will be paid for, directly or indirectly, or through longer-term reimbursement, by mexico, which has a ridiculous $71 billion trade surplus with the u.s. the $20 billion wall is peanuts compared to what mexico makes from the u.s. nafta is a bad joke!" no, mr. president, this is a bad joke: how many donald trumps does it take to screw in a lightbulb? we'll never know because, after he screws something, he gives it a$130,000 not to tell anybody. ( laughter ) thank you! it's been a long time! it's nice. there you go. and, finally, he laid down the law. "if there is no wall, there is no deal!" it's all there in his best-selling book, "the art of the no wall." ( laughter ) the inability to reach a deal in d.c. is infuriating, especially to louisiana senator and male lipstick model, john kennedy. he's concerned that congress' failure to come together is having unforeseen consequences. >> this stuff's the reason the aliens won't talk to us. you know, they look at us and they go, "god, this is the united states congress." >> stephen: okay. and even if they did talk to us, how would that go? "take me to your leader." "actually, guys, how about we bring our leader to you, and then you take him wherever you want? that'd be good for us. probe away." ( cheers and applause ) just get in there! we have a great show for you tonight! sharon stone is here, but when we return i put on a big furry hat. stick around! 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[ gasps, laughs ] you ever feel like... cliché foil characters scheming against a top insurer for no reason? nah. so, why don't we like flo? she has the name your price tool, and we want it. but why? why don't we actually do any work? why do you only own one suit? it's just the way it is, underdeveloped office character. you're right. thanks, bill. no, you're bill. i'm tom. you know what? no one cares. new year, new phones for the family. join t-mobile, and when you buy one of the latest samsung phones get a samsung galaxy s8 free. plus, unlimited family plans come with netflix included. downsizing. enrolling in medicare part d. these are moments when people realize that where you get your medicine matters. and they come to cvs pharmacy. for advice and ways to save money. including copays as low as zero dollars. switching is easy, call 1-833-cvs-medd and transfer today to cvs pharmacy. ( cheers and applause ) ( band ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: jon batiste and "stay human"! ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: happy, happy! >> stephen: jon, you're looking good! please have a seat, everybody. you're too nice to us! happy thursday! it says thursday on my script. sometimes i can't tell whether it's thursday or friday. i don't know why. >> jon: we're just in the zone. >> stephen: i'm not sure what day it is some days. every day is show day. i'm that focused. you're here for me, i'm here for you. we're here for these people, they're here for us. ( cheers and applause ) it's less a show, more community. >> jon: yes. >> stephen: there is one thing about this job. >> jon: you've got a lot of power. >> stephen: enormous power. it's almost frightening. >> jon: as a tv host, you have so much power. >> stephen: i have to be careful where i point this thing. >> jon: it's where the money is. >> stephen: it's loaded. it's the money gun. >> jon: boom! >> stephen: and i have as much power as some of histories' most ruthless tyrants: genghis khan, kim jong un, and melania trump. ( laughter ) we all have two things in common: we want to escape this nightmare, and we all have a big furry hat! ( drum beat ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: now t >> stephen: now that this hat is upon mine head, all proclamations i make are now and forever law. let us begin. ( drum beat ) ( laughter ) starting now, if you clap at the end of a movie, you must stand up and explain to the audience why you think the movie can hear you. ( laughter ) from now on, any u.s. president who's accused by 16 women of sexual misconduct must be immediately replaced by christopher plummer. ( cheers and applause ) now and forever! on the way to their seats, first class passengers must first walk through a private plane to see how much better those people have it. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) from now on, college is free, but talking about what college you attended after the age of 25 brings a fine of $100,000. ( laughter ) any mug reading "don't talk to me till i've had my coffee" must now be replaced with one reading "i'm the acceptable kind of drug addict." ( laughter ) and decaf coffee shall be called by its real name: disappointment water. ( laughter ) unless he finally releases a men's fragrance, elon musk is legally required to change his name. ( laughter ) from this day forth, after a prayer, instead of "amen," we shall now proclaim "a-women!" ( cheers and applause ) because christianity is already a bit of a sausage fest! ( laughter ) be it decreed: there shall be invented a cup that allows me to drink alcohol in a fully prone position. and it shall be available for purchase before the state of the union. the hat has spoken! we'll be right back with sharon stone. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) it's not just something we say when you arrive. the warmth of an irish welcome stays with you long after you leave. so come on over. we'll give you the inside track. and let you into some little secrets that will take you back through history, bring our landscapes to life, and make your evenings last longer. welcome to ireland. ( cheers and applause ) ( band p ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey! welcome back, everybody! my first guest is a hollywood icon, who now stars in hbo's "mosaic." please welcome sharon stone! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> howdy! >> howdy! >> stephen: hey! how are ya? thanks for being back! >> i'm just swell. thanks for having me. >> stephen: i like your sparkly jacket. >> thank you very much. >> stephen: what are those, bees? >> they are bees, i think. >> stephen: mm-hmm. yes, we should save the bees. >> stephen: i'll talk about colony collapse disorder right now if you want. >> let's go! >> stephen: sounds good. i wish more guests did that. ( laughter ) it's been a while since you have been here. last time you were here, we had a different president. >> could we go back to that time? >> stephen: i wish. i really liked that president. >> stephen: i think the way back is forward, myself. but you also have gone through something vorred since the last time i saw you. i found out recently -- you went to college when you were 15 because you were a smarty pants. >> well, i wasn't that smart because i quit. >> stephen: but since the last time you were here you graduated from college. congratulations. >> i did. >> stephen: that's wonderful. thank you. >> stephen: was it something -- did you always have in the back of your mind, i'm going to go do this? >> no. you know, when hillary was running, she said some things about you can be everything that you want to be. >> stephen: yeah. and i thought, you know what? i could do this. and, so, i called my university and i spoke to them about it and they arranged a way for me to complete my courses online and also with them, and i decided to finish. i only had three credits left to do. >> stephen: oh, that's great. and i finished my degree. >> stephen: that's wonderful. that's wonderful. what is your degree in, may i ask? >> humanities. >> stephen: humanities. that's good. i'm a human. i'm in favor of that. ( cheering ) you were at the recent golden globes with your son. very happy man to be there with his beautiful mother. now, this year, the story in the entire nation and part of the national conversation especially hollywood is about the metoo movement and time's up and i have to imagine that you worked extremely hard to fight some of the injustices and some of the barriers that were put up against women in hollywood. what were some of the hardest battles you fought and how did you win them? >> well, eng that, as my career went on, we fought -- my manager chuck, at the time, we fought to get paid, which was a big battle. i had to decide if i was willing not to work to get paid and we fought and ultimately the producer i was going to work with next mike metavoy and i had this amazing conversation said i won't pay you for that movie and i said find me another movie you will pay me for. he said, stone you drive a hard bargain. he paid me. he and i have become best of friends over the years. he was really fair with me. he was a great guy, and he helped me break that barrier. >> stephen: and i understand that one of the things that you tried to do over the years is try to get people to say, no, cast me in that part you imagined for a man. >> yeah, sometimes i'll read a script and there's no women in it. i'll say, yeah, this is a pretty man-heavy movie and i'll see a part or two i think i can play, will you call the producers to see if someone will see me for this or that part. >> stephen: was there a part you remember that you got flipped from male to female like basic instinct -- ( laughter ) the show on hbo "mosaic," it's also an app. how can it be both a show and an app? >> it's really exciting because stephen sotterberg, without being one of these people who everyone says is a genius he actually is a genius and he's so innovative and exciting and he had an idea with the writer ed e men in black and ted, they had an idea to make a show that could be an app you buy on your iphone. the first one is a pilot. the second one like you see in a family tree, it branches down and then you choose the narrative. so it's a murder mystery. if you look at it like you're the detective, the audience is the detective, you decide where you want to go to look for your result and, as you watch these branching narratives, you will, as the detective, resolve the murder. and i'm the murdererrer -- the dead person. >> stephen: you're the murder-ee. >> yes. it's not giving away anything. it's fascinating. >> is it based on a path you choose, you choose your own adventure? >> i don't want to say. >> stephen: okay, don't. not exact -- mmm. mmm. >> stephen: mmm. mmm. >> stephen: mm-hmm. mmm. mm-hmm. ( laughter ) but on hbo, starting monday the 22nd for five nights, there is a linear series, and that's a little bit different. so you can see one and the other and not feel that it's a redundant experience for you. >> stephen: we have a clip here. you're playing a character named olivia lake. >> i think on the clip you're going to see, paul ruben played my best friend and became my dear friend in the process of making this film. on this i just discovered that the guy that i'm in love with has in some way betrayed me and i just have had it, and i call him because he's gone on vacation for the holidays thinking that i will be fine because i'm with finally the love of my life and i realize that i'm -- so i call him. >> stephen: jim? my choices in men including specifically you, in this moment, i cannot believe that i let you go away this one new year's eve. i mean, you should know me well enough by now to know that i didn't mean it. ( chuckles ) ( crying ) i lost my train. men. yeah, men. yeah. >> stephen: profound. men. >> men, yeah. ( applause ) >> stephen: we've got to go here but i want to say one more thing, involving a man. i have a little clip here i hope you can explain to me. i don't know what year this is but you were at a dinner, a charity event in which vladimir putin got up and did this. can we see this? >> okay. ♪ i found my thrill ♪ on blueberry hill ♪ on blueberry hill >> stephen: okay. yes, i was. >> stephen: you were there, kevin costner was there, goldie hawn was there, what were you doing in a room with vladimir putin singing blueberry hill and have you been subpoenaed by mueller yet? >> i go to pretty cool places first of all, but putin invited us all to come to russia which i have to say is a very beautiful place to go. >> stephen: it is. o we went, and we went to raise money for a hospital for the children's oncology ward at christmastime, and it was an extraordinary experience to go and see all of these children who were in the late stages of cancer. we raised money to help the hospital. to thank us he gave this dinner party and sang blueberry hill. when he did, i was seated far back in the room, and when i saw this happening, i got up, took a chair and pulled it right up to the stage because i thought, i want to be in the front row to see this. ( laughter ) >> stephen: we're all in the front row now. >> we are. >> stephen: well, sharon, it was lovely to see you again. >> nice to see you. >> stephen: "mosaic" premieres january 22 on hbo or watch it now on the mosaic app! ♪ we'll be right back with rob riggle. ♪ where is it you wanna go? check it out! oh, dude. i'm sending it to him. ♪ where is it you wanna go? thank you. ♪ where is it you wanna go? ♪ hey! hey. whatcha doin' on your computer? what's a computer? ♪ my shoulders carry more they carry my community's pride my family's pride and pride in myself because shoulders were made for greatness not dandruff and made it liberating. and made it daring.we tk intelligent, and made it utterly irresistible. we took the most advanced e-class ever and made the most exciting e-class ever. the 2018 e-class coupe and sedan. lease the e300 sedan for $569 a month at your local mthe best or nothing. me. that can make you sad, multiple symptoms feel tired, trintellix is a prescription medication for depression. it may help you take a step forward in improving your depression. tell your healthcare professional right away if your depression worsens, or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, do not take with maois. tell your healthcare professional about your medications, and depression medications, to avoid a potentially life-threatening condition. increased risk of bleeding or bruising may occur, especially if taken with nsaid pain relievers, aspirin or blood thinners. manic episodes or vision problems may occur in some people. may cause low sodium levels. the most common side effects were nausea, constipation, and vomiting. ask your healthcare professional if it's time for a change to trintellix. ( cheers and applause ) ( band play ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody! ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a comedian you know from "the daily show," "the hangover," and "21 jump street." please welcome rob riggle! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, man, nice to see you. >> nice to see you! >> stephen: always pleasant to spend time with you. it's like old home week. >> it is! >> stephen: the movie we're going to talk about tonight is called "12 strong." >> yes. >> stephen: which is about u.s. marines going into afghanistan after the attacks on 9/11. >> right. >> stephen: we'll get to that in a minute. i want to talk about you. some people may know, some may not, you were a marine. >> yes ( applause ) >> stephen: and i understand, also, you trained to be, what was it, a fighter pilot? >> yes, that's how i started. >> stephen: you're really tall for a fighter pilot. aren't they small and compact to handle the gs. >> and the ejection seat. >> stephen: is that a big part of it? >> you have to sit in a jet and they measure you from your hip to your knee, your knee to your heel because, you know, if you're too tall and you eject out of a jet, it's going to take your legs. >> stephen: what's the max height? >> i think it's, like, six-five or six-six. you can be a long man -- or woman. >> stephen: so you did all that training and didn't become a fighter pilot? >> that's right. i wanted to pursue comedy and acting. >> stephen: very similar. very similar! >> stephen: how many gs do you pull, bro? >> i flew with the blue angels and i pulled 7.5gs and that wasn't a problem until they did it for about a minute and then i passed out. >> stephen: let me just get to your tie right here. >> it keeps doing it, doesn't it? >> stephen: that's a full service thing right here. ( laughter ) it's no big deal but i pulled 9gs. >> did you in. >> stephen: yep, thunder birds, baby. still waiting for it to seem like a good idea. >> did you pass out? >> stephen: no, i had the compression suit on. did you not wear the compression suit? >> i didn't wear the compression suit. >> stephen: explain that. it's called a g suit for gravity or whatever. when you go into a positive g, it inflates, fills up with air and pushes on your muscles and pushes all the blood back to your head because what happens is when you pull gs all that blood drains out of your head and you go to sleep. >> stephen: right. and they teach you the hook method which you go, hook ah! and you look ridiculous but stay awake. >> stephen: at what point are you no longer human with the gs. >> when i went up with the blue angels, they didn't give me a suit which i asked for. >> stephen: you went for fun? yeah. i said do i get a g suit? they said, no, no. i said, okay... but we did the whole bombing runs, aerobatics, and getting some for about 70 minutes hooking and jabbing. on the way back he said we're going to do a short break which salanding pattern but instead of the full race track around they cut it halfway through and do a short landing. blah, blah. anyway, he says we're going to do a short break. i knew what that meant but i was literally so weak. i was, like, okay... that's about all i could muster. he goes, okay, here we go! threw it over! and we just loaded up all these gs and i went ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh and just melted. and the next thing i know i hear, rob, you with me? rob, you good? rob, you good? and i'm, like, yeah, what's the big deal? what's your problem? >> stephen: did they have a camera on you. >> yes, it's called my blue angels audition tape, or top gun audition tape. literally in p the 15 seconds i was out cold, i had a full dream, a full front -- there was a beginning, a middle and an end, and i was happy and i woke up peaceful and content, and it was a lovely dream, if i recall. >> stephen: did you throw up? i did not throw up. i was pretty good about that. >> stephen: i went up for 45 minutes and thought i was fine because it was too painful to consider throwing up until he said, okay, we're done we're headed back to the base and i was, like, what? i threw up for three hours. >> did you really? >> stephen: i got back, they packed my torso with ice to bring my body temperature down because i freaked out so hard. i'm almost in tears remembering how stupid i thought i was. i thought, i could have killed myself! >> i get it. because when i tax idea in they popped the canopy and the young pilot jumped out and was like, jumped out on the ground and i was, like, i'm just taking a beat. i want to look at the cockpit one more time, it's amazing! yeah, that's what it is. >> stephen: let's talk about the movie. >> okay. >> stephen: "12 strong." yes. >> stephen: and this is about marines being sent in to kandahar. >> it's army special forces. >> stephen: i apologize. it was an army mission. >> stephen: don't make that mistake. >> that's a distinction. army special forces. these are the first boots on the ground, the first guys to take the fight to the taliban and al quaida right after 9/11. we're talking october of 2001, the guys first in. at that time the northern alliance, their leader mussad had been assassinated two dates before on september 9 as payment to the taliban so al quaida assassinated him and they attacked us on the eleventh. so the northern alliance was fragile, but we needed them, they were fighting the taliban, so we joined up with them. what these guys did with what they had and where they were is unprecedented in american history. >> stephen: they fought on horseback. >> with weaponized. and their mission was classified. finally, 17 years later, you get to hear the story. >> stephen: who do you play. max bowers, commanding officer of the fifth special forces group. this takes place in october of 2001. in november of 2001, a young captain rob riggle reported to afghanistan to third battalion firth special forces group and i worked directly for lieutenant colonel max bowers so i'm playing my old boss ( applause ) >> stephen: fantastic. yeah. >> stephen: we have a clip where a young up and coming actor the reporting to you. >> yes. >> stephen: here we go, jim. why will you here out of uniform with that fur row on your face didn't you get back from kuwait a few weeks ago. >> sure. apologies. >> we're a little busy. what do you want? >> i want back on my team, sir. you don't have a team. you have been rotated to my staff at your request. ultrabe filtered into new odas when the opportunity arises. if i were you i would study taliban. >> taliban planned the attack? afghanistan did. play planned the attack. >> middle east is my region sir. really? i didn't know that! >> stephen: fantastic. i'm glad they used that take. there were many takes where i just said kiss me to mr. hemsworth. >> stephen: outtakes or for real? >> they said, rob, that's not the line. i said, i'm sorry. can we go back to one stephen: l "thor"? >> yes, he's funny, nice, cool,. >> stephen: rob riggle -- yeah? >> stephen: kiss me. ( laughter ) good to see you. "12 strong" premieres tomorrow. rob riggle, everybody! we'll be right back with a performance by fall out boy. you doing your taxes? oh... yeah. trying to sneak them in between set ups. why are you using turbotax? hm? well h&r block more zero lets you file online for free even if you itemize deductions. turbotax doesn't do that. oh man... at this point, it kind of just seems like you hate money. yikes! that was not me. i think somebody touched something. unlike turbotax, h&r block more zero lets you file online for free, even if you itemize deductions. a more free way to file. get your taxes won. this this this is my body of proof. proof of less joint pain and clearer skin. this is my body of proof that i can take on psoriatic arthritis with humira. humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. it's proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage, and clear skin in many adults. humira is the #1 prescribed biologic for psoriatic arthritis. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened; as have blood, liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an itieumatologist ab. new year, new phones for the msunmiphones get a samsung galaxy s8 free.u. ( cheers and applause ) ( ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) something inside me has always been there... ♪ the force is yours. the last jedi ar stickers only on the google pixel camera. unkel [ snoring ] the volkswagen atlas. seats 7, sleeps 6. life's as big as you make it. ...that is, until you taste our new menu. discover more ways to enjoy seafood with new tasting plates small plates, with big flavor- like yucatan shrimp in chili-lime butter and caramelized pineapple. and if you like hot, buttery maine lobster, for new entrees, explore globally-inspired dishes and now, when you order any two new or classic entrees, you get a free tasting plate. so get your coupon at redlobster.com and join us today! so get your coupon at powerful skincare,s now light-as-air a breakthrough moisturizer whipped for instant absorption feel a light-as-air finish in a flash new olay whips ageless sorry. i can't make it. it's just my eczema agaiit'sine. yeah, it's fine. hey! hi! aren't you hot? it's fine. i saw something the other day. eczema exposed. your eczema could be something called atopic dermatitis, which can be caused by inflammation under your skin. maybe you should ask your doctor? go to eczemaexposed.com to learn more. >> stephen: their new album, "mania," comes out tomorrow! here performing "hold me tight or don't," ladies and gentlemen, fall out boy! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ oh, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪ i never really feel a thing i'm just kinda too frozen ♪ you were the only one that even kinda came close ♪ i just pinch myself no longer comatose ♪ i woke up, no luck i woke up, no luck your stitch comes loose ♪ and stuffing that comes out of you you ♪ i took too many hits off this memory i need to come down ♪ another day goes by so hold me tight ♪ hold me tight or don't ♪ oh no, no, noow o story ends ♪ so hold me tight hold me tight or don't ♪ oa, na, na, na, na ♪ na, na, na, na ♪ na, na, na, na na, na, na, na realized i can't not be with you ♪ or be just your friend i love you to death ♪ but i just can't i just can't pretend ♪ we weren't lovers first confidants ♪ but never friends were we ever friends? ♪ but when your stitch comes loose ♪ i wanna sleep on every piece of fuzz ♪ and stuffing that comes out of you you ♪ i took too many hits off this memory i need to come down ♪ another day goes by so hold me tight ♪ hold me tight or don't ♪ oh no, no, no this isn't how our story ends ♪ so hold me tight hold me tight, or don't ♪ oh, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪ na, na, na, na oh, na, na, na, na ♪ na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪ hold me tight, or don't ♪ 'cause i'm past the limits the distance between us ♪ it sharpens me like a knife ♪ past the limits the distance between us ♪ it sharpens me like a knife ♪ another day goes by ♪ hold me tight or don't ♪ i'm pretty sure that this isn't how our story endst hold me tight ♪ hold me tight or don't ♪ oh, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪ na, na, na, na oh, na, na, na, na ♪ na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: fall out boy, everybody! we'll be right back. cbs presented by target.... there's nothing more rewarding than achieving a hard earned goal. that's why target supports students run philly style. we work with kids to teach them the skills they need to achieve and set goals through marathon training. giving back has been part of our dna, so, the more we stay involved, the more we're being true to ourselves as a corporate partner. cbs eye on the community is sponsored by target. in the state with more ski mountains than any other, family fun reaches a new peak. so whether you're a speed demon or more of a snow angel, your winter chariot awaits. pick the best peak for your family getaway at iloveny.com new york state. it's all here. it's only here. >> stephen: well, th >> stephen: well, that's it for the "late show," everybody. tune in tomorrow when my guest now stick around for james corden and his guests, michael pena and o'shea jackson jr. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ( cheers and ( cheers and applause ) >> good night, first lady melania. >> james: but it's only 3:00 p.m.

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