A lot of animals in the wild, when i film, around the country, they slap their tail and it warns everything around it, when the deer hears that happen, they take off and the beaver slaps the water, the funny thing is sometimes when they do poop in the water they take their tail and go like this. It is so funny. James how cute. I just watched before i came because i heard there would be animals, i watched on youtube when animals go nuts on talk shows. There are a few of them. James on that note, lets bring out the i think were bringing out an african crown crane. Yes, it is. James oh my word. Wow. James look at this. East african. James now what does this animal eat. Cuz its looking at me like its going to kill me. The eyes are really intense. James the eyes are very. Im sorry. Im sorry. James we just found the end of your youtube video, michael. There it is. Go like this. James no, i dont want to, you do it, i will watch you do it first. I dont know what it is, it looks like. Actually we eat these sometimes. Yeah, protein. See, he knows. Our food source over the last hundred years go ahead, he cant hurt you, it feels good, you can feed him. James no, im good, im all right. Go like this and he will dance sometimes with you. What am i supposed to do. James do what, will dance . Watch, go like this, go like this. laughter act like a bird help me dance real quick. laughter come on. James yes wow. The african crown crane. laughter . James right, lets get rid of this. Thats some horn, isnt it . You got to see this, this is amazing. James oh, i love frogs. Wait, wait, lets get rid of the bird first, jack, who is in here. Whoa. [bleep]. Hold it. James oh, no, jack, [bleep] jack, jack. A pixie frog. Feel it. Feel it. James oh, wow, thats amazing this. This is a pixie frog, only one of the frogs in the world. James not every talk show is going to be like this, okay. Im sorry. I dont like wet things. Im you know. This is not wet. Its very wet. Its called a snot frog, its like like this, its slimy, and this thing can go in the ground up to one year because he soaks himself. James underground. He makes the stuff, and it comes a bag and he goes in his bag and stays a year yownd underground, that is what they surround themselves with, a pixie frog. Do you like frogs. No. James all right, lets put the frog away. Okay. James hears the lid, you might want that. Wait, wait, wait, they have warts so wipe your handsoff, real quick. Dont worry. Salmonella. Youre right. James touch it, go on, touch it, you have to touch it. They have warts, you have to wipe them off. Oh yeah, these baby wipes will do it. Literally oh my word who is coming out now. Weve got some cats. Hey. How do you feel about cats. These i like, yeah. I will let you stay here. This is called a jofry cat from south america, they live in brazil in the jungles, this animal is about six months old. These animals are in quite numbers, not like some cats that have issues, in hunting for pelts. They try to stop that. The animal gets about 15 pound, not a big cat, called a jofry cat, when you go to brazil, that part of the world, with jungles, it is difficult to find these cats, everybody, because these are nocturnal. If you look behind the ears there, i will show to the camera, you will see those spots, called eye spots, the cerval cat gets this big, at african lion can eat the cerval cat, but they will see the eye spots and will back off and leave, the eye spots save these animals from other creatures, some birds have them,. James they are absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much for bringing them by. Ladies and gentlemen, jungle jack hanna, ana de armas and michael fassbender. Come on back, everybody. applause im joy bauer, and as a nutritionist i know probiotics can often help. Try digestive advantage. It is tougher than your stomachs harsh environment, so it surivies a hundred times better than the leading probiotic. Get the digestive advantage. With flavors youll love. Re like new savory grilled mediterranean shrimp. And new sweet and spicy Nashville Hot shrimp. Plus our classics like garlic shrimp scampi. Try as much as you want however you want em, but dont wait, it ends soon. Oh, its actually. S your sfx short balloon squeal its ver. Sfx balloon squeals ok can we. Sfx balloon squeals im being so serious right now. I really want to know how your coffee is. Its. Sfx balloon squeals hahahaha, i had a 2nd balloon goodbye oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasnt it . Yeah. Happens to more people than you think. Try lactaid, its real milk, without that annoying lactose. Mmm. Good right . Yeah. Lactaid. Its the milk that doesnt mess with you. Fred would do anything for get in, fred even if it means being the back half of a unicorn. Fear not fred, the front half washed his shirt with gain. And that smell, puts the giddy in giddyup ah. The irresistible scent of gain flings laundry detergent. You cant help but smell happy. James thanks so much for watching, see you next week week, reggie, take us home. cheers and applause . Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org like paperless, multicar, and safe driver, that help them save on their car insurance. Any questions . Yeah. How do you go to the bathroom . Great. Any insurancerelated questions . Mmhmm. Do you have a girlfriend . Uh, im actually focusing on my career right now, saving people nearly 600 when they switch, so. Wheres your belly button . [ sighs ] ive got to start booking better gigs. Its comics unleashed with your host. Tonight byron welcomes adams, mark maris. George wallace. And charles green. And now, a man who puts the mocha in mocha chocolate latte, byron allen. Yeah. G; l dancing whats up . All right. All right. We have some very funny people here this evening. Say hello to mark marin. George 1 and tom green. Oh. Were unleashed. Youre unleashed. The comics are unleashed right now. Unleashed. Like were wild animals. Whats this, i hear youre afraid to leave your house. An gore phobic a little bit. Bad year. Ive been injured. When you get injured you dont leave the house. I broke a couple of ribs a few months ago, i was nearly killed. Is that right . Nearly killed by a wave of water. And then i broke my ankle and i havent left the house in months. Now im here. When you stay inside for a long period of time, you feel fear when you leave the house. Right now looking at you, im afraid. Its not because of anything that youre doing or anything, i just look at you and think its 1978, im 7 years old watching real people, you know . And youre exactly the same age, you know . Like youre a robot or some sort of like a clone of some type. How is that possible . You know what i mean . That you look exactly the same age. Everyone else on real people is dead, right . All the other hosts are all dead, right . Im not sure. Skitch helped are son, dead. Dead. How you doing . I was 7 years old too back in 178. George, you crazy, man. I been crazy all my life. Its good to be crazy. Youre not crazy out here in hollywood. Thats right. Everybody in this audience is crazy. If you come to california, youre crazy. Thats the bottom line. What do you think about these kids today. I grew up in a different era. When we were kids, if we were bad, the parents would tell you the boogeymen is going to get you. These kids today, you tell them the bogeyman, these kids go, ill bust the boogeymans ass. 14yearold boys having sex with the School Teacher . Whats up with that . And pretty teachers too, pretty teachers, too. What happened to us . I wouldnt have told nobody. I never got hit on. No. No. Well, look at you. I grew up in boston. I didnt even get hit on by a priest. I think if you went back to boston wearing that hat, youd have a little more lucknow. But youre talking about the new kids today. Actually, i dont understand the young kids today. Most of these young kids and you can talk back to your parents. We couldnt talk back to our parents, could we . My parents used to drive us down to the cemetery. She said junior, this is your plot right here. You can use it now or later but youre not going to be talking back to me up in here. Thats right. Thats right. Unbelievable. You know, timeout. Timeout was a smack up side of your head. You know what my mama would do . Whip your ass and she would take timeout, come back and hit some more. Uhhuh. Timeout was a break for her. Thats exactly right. And you just got married . I got married a little while ago. And its been brought to my attention by my wife, this is a new thing. She says i have an anger problem. But she didnt put it that way. She said im leaving. If you dont deal with your anger problem, right . Soapy did what everybody does. You got a problem, i went to the bookstore and bought a book on anger management. O cf1 o that now i have that book. Once you realize i just keep bringing it up, byron, because i honestly dont understand. I honestly dont understand how its possible. Mike douglas, dead. Okay . Steve allan, dead. Okay. 1978 was real people, right . George slater, right . I was born in 71. Okay. 7 years old. I remember watching that. 7 years old watching that. I wanted to do that some day. I want to do that some day. Youre out on the streets doing people on streets. You know, this is why were here right now because of that. Knock the hell out of him. How is it possible that you dont look a day older . I am dick clarks son. I lost my hair. Well be right back. In;< for more laughs if you battle chronic back pain . For more laughs turn it off, with icy hot® smart relief. Only smart relief is indicated to relieve chronic pain among leading brands. Turn off pain. Smart relief. Albreakthrough withyou back. Nondrowsy allegra® for fast 5in1 multisymptom relief. Breakthrough allergies with allegra®. Brushing teeth easy new act kids toothpaste strengthens and protects developing teeth, and helps prevent cavities. New act kids toothpaste. Halloween break which house do you want to go to first . The kat lady bell rings trick or treat its go time kitty cats cats meowing have a break, have a kit kat its a good, good, good time to be alive. Oh yeah. Pizza with pepsi. Delicious. Ahhh. Ialmost everything. You know, ke 1 i n 10 houses could get hit by an expensive septic disaster. But for only 7 a month, ridx helps break down waste. Avoid a septic disaster with ridx. I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurhuh. With geico. I should take a closer look at geico. Geico can help with way more than car insurance. Boats, homes, motorcycles. Even umbrella coverage. This guys gonna wish he brought his umbrella. Fire at will howd you know the guys name is will . Yeah . Its an expression, ya know . Fire at will . You never heard of that . Oh, there goes will bye, will thats not his name take a closer look at geico. Great savings. And a whole lot more. All right. Welcome back. George, youre from the south, right. Of course im from the south. Everybodys from the south. Growing up in the south some stupid habits. Like we have a front door and cant use it. You know what im talking about, somebody knock on the door. Go around to the back. Stupid stuff we did down south. Had a set of towels in the bathroom. Did you grow up like that . We couldnt even touch them. We had to wipe our hands on the wall. My mama was crazy. Was she. Your mama is not crazy . My mama says youre getting on my last nev. Im thinking why didnt you Say Something five, six nerves ago. Im at the end of my rope. Well, let go. The last time im going to tell you to take that garbage out. Well, thank god. I hope shes not watching because she will still whoop my ass. Yeah. She would whoop me with those questions. Id love to see that on tv. Your mom whooping your ass. Thats pay per view. Mama could whip your ass, too. Id love to do that show. Georges mama whips both our asses. Starting to feel like Jerry Springer around here. Why are these guys allowed to cover their hair, byron. I dont know. Ill be honest. I got this hair. I got the most hair out of all of you. I only do this once a year. I grew my beard out over the Christmas Holidays because over christmas i like to go to malls dressed as jesus. Ill walk through the mall just saying no, no, it wasnt supposed to be about this, people. And if theres a santa at that mall, ill walk right up to that santa and say listen, fatman, youre just a clown at my birthday party. When you were in new orleans . My family got wiped out down there and i went down to see them. I let them stay in my house because im working in vegas every night. Its been over a year now. And my house finding my dirty magazines and i love them. They finding everything but a job, god bless them. Get your ass out of my house. I was down there, i was in china. I recently come back from china. Anybody been to china . No, i havent been to china. It was wonderful. I talk to people going to be laughing at me because im a big tall black man. Its pretty cool. Every now and then a woman would come up and say, sex okay, sex okay . The people didnt watch me. Going in a Department Store like they do in beverly hills. They didnt watch me. Since they didnt, you know, i and you know, whats good about china, you know, i be thinking all the time. You can buy your souvenirs when you get home. Do you have a sweet tooth . I bought halloween candy this year and then i didnt answer the door. Do they have support groups for people like that . I go to the gym. You know why it doesnt work for me. Whole im im there im thinking what im going to eat when i get home. Today i spent the entire day almost going to the gym. I was going to go. You get into the mode where you look at your watch, ive only got four hours. I dont think im going to make it today. The food and Drug Administration should create a force of fat marshals that are on planes. If theres a terrorist thing, theyll jump into action. They should station fat marshals as the like fast food places. If they see a 300 pound person about to digging into sundae, jump into action and go to the table, are we really doing that . Are you about to do that in if the guy goes yeah, im about to eat this. Im a fat marshal and im legally obliged to knock the fork out of your mouth. It would be a Great Service to the country. We love to eat in this country. I think the next war will be for cooking oil. We should invade the canola country. Who is making that . Lets go. Cooking oil. They are. Look how fat these kids are getting. I mean if youre years old and a boy, you shouldnt be a c cup. Thats all im saying. Fat lazy little kid. The nap sacks have wheels . Your Flight Attendant wheeling their stuff around. Were going to take a break. Well be right back. Dont ready to of your back pain . Wentnji icyhot lidocaine patch cream. Desensitizes aggravated nerves with the max strength lidocaine available. Icyhot lidocaine patch cream. All right. Welcome back to comics unleashed. Whats the story . Do you have identity theft. No, heres what im afraid of. The government can tap your phones, look at your computers and its okay. They dont need a warrant. I cant stand people who say hey buddy, you got nothing to hide you got nothing to worry about. I got nothing to hide but ive got a few things im ashamed of. Id rather be ought with a bomb. I could explain that. Im going to blow that up. If they downloaded the stuff on my hard drive, i would have to say i didnt know it was a guy at first. I want it would be fun to go out in the audience like Jerry Springer, did you ever do that on the show . I was looking at, take his crutches away. I was looking at them. You guys travel all around the world doing standup comedy. Youve been in front of thousands of audiences over the years. Is this even a good audience though or right. All right. Do we have insurance for that . Do you guys think it is a good audience . Its a great audience. What you going where are you guys where do you guys get this audience . Where do you get these people . From the streets. I dont know. All right. Getting too lazy as americans. Yeah, we are. Everybodys so one friend wont even leave me a message. He goes you saw my name on caller id. Why didnt you call me back. I saw your name. Thats why i didnt pick it up. I go to the gym. I get distracted because women with these little outfits, how much more attention do they need. Skimpy little outfits writing stuff on the tops like sexy or porn star or juicy. What the hell does that mean . Am i excited or disgusted . Your ass is juicy . Im confused. Then they catch you looking like theyre upset youre like, what are you looking at . Youre like i like the font on your ass. What is that roman over there . What is that . Sorry to interrupt. I want to show everybody this is the future now. You get these casts when you break your leg. Then you get a removable one after four weeks that you can take off like a ski boot. No big deal. I thought id air it out a little bit. You can see the surgery there that i had. How did you hurt yourself . I fell off my skate board. Yeah, i was jumping over an vw. Tom i understand you have a pet peeve about people and their pet names. Yeah, how everyones got the same. Like pumpkin. Everyones calling everyone pumpkin. Shes got a boyfriend, calls her pumpkin and everyones calling everyone its not even like a goodlooking fruit. Its like its disgusting. Its fat