Show with Stephen Colbert. Tonights covid. Plus stephen welcomes Sacha Baron Cohen and jeff tweedy, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now live on tape at the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Im here from the lovely ed sullivan Theater Office building. My lady joins me over there. Hello. Stephen we are eight days from the election and excitement is spreading across the country if by excitement you mean coronavirus. cause, uh, yeah. They said the fall would get bad, and they was right. We are eight months into the pandemic, and were all tired of it. Ive already watched everything on netflix, everything on hulu and, if anyone asks, everything on cbs all access. But even though were tired of the virus, its still super interested in us. On friday, the u. S. Hit an alltime high in new coronavirus cases. Its april all over again. Were talking about tiger king, were learning how to regrow our scallions, and as far as we know, smash mouth hasnt killed anyone yet hell, weve got sanjay gupta on tomorrow thats never a good sign i hope hes here to talk about his new album groovin with gupta. Groupta. Huh . No . Thats not it . Singing with sanjay. Stephen thats better than grooving with gupta . Nothing from the peanut gallery. I got her over here. Telling me whether the jokes are good or not. Okay, enough laughter with these record numbers, weve officially entered, the third wave of covid19 in the u. S. Okay, but thats a little misleading, because if you look at the chart of covid waves, the bottom before the third wave is as high as the crest of the first wave. Its not really a third wave if the first wave never ended. Its like how every rocky movie starts with the end of the last movie. So theres technically only one, very long rocky movie. And just like rocky, the main character talks like hes spent a lifetime getting punched in the head. But this disturbing news brings us to our newest segment catch a third wave endless bummer. Corona bunga dude laughter you wanted me to rehearse that . We almost had to rehearse that. laughter what, do you think i couldnt handle that level of dwrask . Are we going long right now . laughter part of what makes this latest wave of the first wave so hard to contain is how widespread it is. Hospitalizations have jumped in at least 38 states in the past week. In response this weekend, the white house dispatched chief of staff and last boy picked for the white football game, mark meadows. Yesterday, meadows went on cnn to reassure a worried nation that youre on your own. Were not going to control the pandemic. Stephen okay that was a shorter clip than i thought it would be. laughter okay so after eight months of not really trying, now theyre just giving up. Thats not good. Its like if mothers against drunk driving changed its name to mothers who realize, hey, you gotta get home from the bar somehow of course, the most infectious part of the country is the trump administration. At least 30 People Associated with trump caught the virus, including the president and first lady themselves, and now at least five of Vice President pences aides have tested positive for the virus. The new infections in the Vice President s inner circle include his chief of staff, his top outside political adviser, and his body man. By the way, body man is the aide who is with the Vice President at all times, and not, as i previously thought, the least popular member of the justice league. Ironically, pence is the head of the Coronavirus Task force. This reminds me of that fire safety p. S. A. Only you can prevent forest fires cause ive stopped tryin hysterical laughing stephen so far, pence has not tested positive, but the c. D. C. Recommends people stay home for 14 days following possible exposure. But pence is going to keep campaigning anyway. The white house justifies it by claiming pence is an essential worker. What are you talking about . Hes Vice President. At best, he is vice essential. Hes americas spare tire. You want him in your trunk, but you hope you never have to use him. F. D. R. s Vice President , john nance garner, who you never heard of because he was Vice President , once said, the vice presidency is not worth a bucket of warm spit. A bucket of warm spit is im guessing what pence gets when he orders soup in a restaurant. Trump isnt letting the covid surge stop him from campaigning. Between friday and today, he held 11 Campaign Events including nine rallies in seven states florida, north carolina, wisconsin, ohio new hampshire, maine, and pennsylvania, or as historians will call them, the corona belt. He spent the weekend blaming the pandemic on the media. They prolonged the pandemic. Thats all i hear about now. Thats all i hear. Turn on television, covid, covid, covid, covid, covid, covid. On november 4th, you wont hear about it anymore. Stephen i wont, because i will be hung over. But trump didnt just rail on the media for talking about covid, he also blamed them for how they talk about all the new cases you use the word case because youre trying to scare people. Dont scare people. Dont scare people. The fact is that were doing very well. Now, the good news is we know where it may be. The bad news is, anytime you test, youre going to come up with cases. Stephen so, the good news is, we know where it is. The bad news is everywhere you look. But as unimportant as he says this plague is, trump assured his supporters that hes the only guy to handle it we understand the disease. I understand it better than you. I had it. What the hell was that all about, right . Sir, youve tested positive. I said, tested positive for what . Stephen how many things does he get tested for . as trump tested positive for what . The clap . The herps . Which hepatitis do i have this time . A, c i hope its double ds. It wasnt all covid. Trump also talked about the election and tried to appeal to an important voting block seniors. Bidens plan would mean americas seniors have no air conditioning during the summer. No heat during the winter. And no electricity during peak hours. Its true. Stephen okay, if youre just going to make stuff up to scare the oldsters, why stop there . No heat, no a. C. , bidens going to pierce your granddaughters nose, hes gonna cancel wheel of fortune, hes going to outlaw the crocheted things you put over the toilet paper. The toilette paper is going to be naked and catch a cold in alan he had a campaign promise. Id love to just drive out of here. Just get the hell out of this. I had such a good life. My life was great. Stephen mr. President , i think i speak for Many Americans when i say get the truck out of here. Hey halloweens coming up. Lets talk about christmas. Thanks to a report in the wall street journal, weve just learned that the white house wanted to give early covid vaccines to mall santas. Well, mall santas do have dangerous comorbidities like cherry nose and bowlfullofjelly belly. And, uh, alcoholism. laughter knowing the laugh of a woman whos taken children to a mall santa before. Apparently, the santas were supposed to be part of a series of protrump Covid Response p. S. A. s that were gonna cost 250 million in taxpayers money that congress had previously appropriated to the c. D. C. Dont worry, trumps going to pay back that quarter billion in his own taxes. Which would take. Lets see, 750 per year, 250 million, hell pay that back in. calculating clicking sounds never. laughter totally worth the wait. Totally worth the wait. That doesnt get cut. That stays in. I dont care how long we go. Cut Sacha Baron Cohen, that joke stays in. laughter these protrump propagandists put together a list of 30 big name celebrities who would go on camera to say how great everything was going, and everyone should just cheer up. The wish list including taylor swift, Justin Timberlake lady gaga, billy joel, britney spears, bruno mars, bon jovi, and madonna, but they only managed to recruit dennis quaid, cece winans, and hasidic singer shoolem lemmer. Which is kind of like when you ask for an xbox for your birthday, but instead you get hasidic singer shoolem lemmer. Im sure hes very taloned. Dennis quaid later dropped out. Randy quaids still available. So, it looked like the p. S. A. s were going to have to be a little less celebrityfocused. Thats where the santas come in. The administration wanted the santas to appear at regional events promoting the trump vaccine program, and featuring beautiful educational films. as trump beautiful educational films. Santa comes home from work early to find mrs. Claus making more than rudolphs nose red, if you know what im saying . Tasteful, but kids gotta learn somehow. The organizer of this whole thing was disgraced h. H. S. Spokesperson and man prepared to ante up for this game of strip poker, michael caputo. Were finding out about this plan thanks to ric erwin, the chairman of, and this is their actual name, the fraternal order of real bearded santas. Oh, yeah. Its a tough gang. You know the rule nog in, nog out. Snitches get blitzen. Erwin recorded his call with caputo, and on the tape, caputo offered the santa performers Early Vaccine access ahead of the general public. To which erwin replied, since you would be doing santa a serious favor, santa would definitely reciprocate. A clear case of quidprohohoho laughter that joke from little richie dom. Age eight. Thanks, richie. Caputo told erwin why the santas were first in line for the vaccine if you and your colleagues are not essential workers, i dont know what is, okay, so you dont know what is. Sorry, teachers and nurses. Weve got to protect the men who do the essential work of making babies cry in front of the orange julius. This weekend, it was announced that the program was being scrapped and it was a tough blow to santaamericans. Erwin said, this was our greatest hope for christmas 2020, and now it looks like it wont happen. Dont worry, santa. You might not be back for christmas, but if vaccine experts are right, youll be comin down our chimneys on the fourth of july. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Later ill be talking to jeff tweedy, but when we come back, Sacha Baron Cohen is here. Stick around. Smooth driving pays off with allstate, the safer you drive the more you save you never been in better hands allstate click or call for a quote today stephen welcome back. My first guests new film, borat subsequent moviefilm delivery of prodigious bribe to american regime for make benefit once glorious nation of kazakhstan, opened friday. Please welcome to a late show, Sacha Baron Cohen. Sashasacha. Hello. Hello. Stephen well pipe in the audience later. We sweeten everything after its over. Yes, thank you. Stephen the movie came out on friday, the subsequent movie film, borat subsequent movie film. Congratulations. Its already a big hit, i hear. Im not surprised. Its funny. Strangely touchingt at times. For those of you who havent seen it who may not expect this from borat, its besides being the borat film you want to see, its the story of a man who doesnt know how much he loves his daughter. Thats right. Its a family movie. It is actually bizarrely a family movie. Stephen it is, take the whole family. Yeah. Stephen the last time there was a borat film, in 2006, donald trump wasnt president of the united states, but it was everything was reading up to this moment, im sure. Now donald trump himself has spoken out on the film. He called you a creep and a phoney. Do you have any defense against those two accusations . Um, well, im sure, when he was hanging out with his good friend jeffrey epstein, they probably spent a lot of their time talking about how creepy i am. Stephen mmhmm. And, yes, i am a professional phonprofessionalphony like him i interviewed him once. Stephen what was that like. I was interviewing him as ali g. , and the producer of the show was a handsome wellspoken english man in a nice tweed jacket, and donald trump assumed he was going to be the interview, and the producer said, no, actually, this is the interview, its called ali g, and i remember donald trump look at me, and im wearing a sweat suit and, hey, what is your name . How is that spelled . Are you called donald . Yeah, donald. And his face dropped. He was immediately furious that he was going to have to speak to somebody from a kind of lower class borough rather than this astute producer. He sat through the interview, it was about seven minutes. Publicly he will say i was the only guy who saw through it. He didnt see through the interview. He answered all the questions completely normally. In fact, i asked him, you know, how long have people been doing business, and he answered, well, human beings have been doing business dealing in rocks for millions of years. So, obviously, you know, homosapiens havent been around for millions of years, and they were dealing in salt, i think the first records were about 5 to 10,000 years ago. So he was in it for a long time. It was only really when i was asking him for money for a business scheme that i had which was an ice cream glove, which is a glove which aloud you to eat ice cream without any of it dripping on your clothes and to have, like, a glove and it was contoured up here. Stephen thats a great idea. I was asking for, like, 50 million from him. At that point he said, you know, he quite rightly was not interested. And, you know, made his excuses and left. But he completely believed that. Stephen theres a moment where you play a guy named country steve in this, and i dont want to give anything necessarily away that country steve does, but, a, i love the fact that you are Sacha Baron Cohen playing borat playing other people, because borat its very at the beginning of the film, i dont think im giving anything away when i say, and stop me if i am, that youre recognizable as borat but borat describes himself as other people, but hes borat attempting to do an impression of other people, which is not good. His impressions are not good. Yours are great. And you play a country guy named country steve who kind of sounds like borat but also is singing Country Music kind of country. What happened . I understand that that did not end well, that interaction. So that was at another gun rally in washington state, and it was going great. I mean, i was essentially singing a long called the wuhan flu. Everyone was singing along. And the problem was some of the military groups that were in this rally had been antagonizes the black lives matter protest, so, as a revenge, some of the black lives matter protesters were coming over to confront them. I didnt know anything about this, and they had sent some members of their some of their members black lives matter protesters to go unders cover at the rally. So i was going undercover and so were they. So they asked spotters to see what was going on because there were a bunch of black lives matter protesters coming down the road for this confrontation, and then they see me on stage, and everyone is singing along, and some of them one of them went, oh, my god its Sacha Baron Cohen, starts laughing, tells the other one. Word got out that it was me, and then the organizers and a lot of people in the crowd got very angry. They tried to storm the stage. Luckily for me, i had hired the security, so it took them a while to actually storm the stage. Stephen and i understand3 we have a clip of this . Yes. I havent seen this, so i cant comment on it, but stephen no one has seen this. This is not in the film, actually. We call in an exclusive in the business, sacha. Lets take a look. Jim. singing were going to do it like a collective. singing bleep chanting go, go, go et him out of here believe. Theyre locked. Doors are locked . bleep . Go, go, go. Go. Stephen that was h harrowing. Yeah. Stephen does that happen to you frequently or is it a fairly rare occurrence . Its fairly rare. It happens occasionally. This is the first movie where ive had to wear a bulletproof vest. One of the guys who stormed the stage went for his pistol. Do you still use that term pistol or am i in world war ii. Stephen no, pistol is fine. You didnt say lugar, so youre okay. laughter so he went for his pistol. Luckily, there was a very brave guard who actually grabbed his hand and leaned in and said, its not worth it, buddy. Stephen wow, okay. Actually, that worked. Somebody goes for the pistol, you hold the hand and go, its not worth it, buddy. So it was very nice to have him to do that. Stephen can we talk about the two guys you lived with for five days. Okay. Stephen theres a wonderful moment in the trailer, and im not giving anything away, you say can i with you because your can i live with you because your character doesnt know about covid. And i was watching the film thinking it must have taken days to shoot. How long did you live with them . Undercover for five days, and that meant waking up the first thing in the morning, the moment i came out of my bedroom to going to sleep at night. The crew goes home, once everyone goes to sleep. Stephen who did you explain the crew was . They knew there was a crew filming. Everyone knew there was a crew filming. Stephen i know that but who were you . To them, who were you . They thought i was a foreign guy who didnt understand much about coronavirus. I remember the first night in my room i had a secret little compartment which was padlocked, and in it was my computer and my phone and, you know, my glasses and, you know because i essentially had to produce the next day and write the next day, and, so, the crews gone home. You know, its just me and these two guys in the house, and i lock the door, and ive got my computer out, got my phone out, and then suddenly i hear, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock on my door. And it thought, ill just pretend to not be in here. Again, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock borat borat and my real life is out there the computer. You know, they think borat is this incredibly primitive guy. So immediately im throwing stuff under the blanket, getting the computer, throwing it into the bathroom. Wait a second im coming, coming it was like a bad farce from the 1960s, throwing things under. I open it up and they go, just checking. You know, you got everything for tonight. I go, yeah, im absolutely fine, thank you very much. Goodnight terrified they were going to come i