Geai and musical gut aturing john bte and homin. And now, live from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Its midjuly, and despite our best quarantine efforts, yesterday america set a new record for daily coronavirus cases. Way more than when we started quarantining back in march. Its almost as if that celebrity imagine video didnt help. Should we try another one . Maybe sugar pie, honey bunch. Sugar pie, honey bunch in florida alone, new cases over the past week outstripped the total count in most european nations. That is a shocking vacuum of leadership in a state that, i will remind you, has an entire hall of president s. Cant we just plug an extension cord into one of those old guys and put him in charge . I cannot tell a lie. This country has really screwed the pooch. Stephen thank you, general. All the people in charge who told us the pandemic wasnt a big deal are looking big dumb right now, like oklahoma governor and chonky dracula kevin stitt. Because remember trumps rally in tulsa, oklahoma full of unmasked openmouth screamers . Lots of people called it a terrible idea, said it should be cancelled. Not Governor Stitt. Were going to be very safe, and we think its the right time. Folks that say you shouldnt have a rally when is the right time . Stephen ooh, ooh i know when it wont kill the audience . Did i did i . Thank you. So, anyway, they threw the rally. 6,000 people shouted their aerosolized viruses at each other, and Governor Stitt was there without a mask to huff it all in. And now, to the governor, the stitt has hit the fan, because earlier today he made this announcement. I personally get tested periodically throughout this whole thing, um, and got tested yesterday for covid19, and the results came back positive. So, i feel, feel fine. I felt a little bit achy yesterday. Stephen well, i would feel achy too if i spent the afternoon banging my head against the wall going, stitt, you big dummy, why did you do it . You did it again, just like the time you drank that whole jug of wacae yo cou aiou s, you t fo that really that really gets it fluffy, doesnt it . What am i doing here . Oh, my god, im going to need a little advil for my neck, that, i got to say, i feel a little achy breaky too. Stick around for noah and billy ray later, by the way. Regardless, Governor Stitt, i hope you recover soon. Also, please wear a mask, because you are now contagious, and you might want to hide your face in shame for a while. Now, masks are still our best bet for controlling this virus according to c. D. C. Director, and amish potato, dr. Robert redfield. Here is what redfield said yesterday. And i think that if we can get everybody to wear a mask right now, i really do think in the next 46 weeks, we could bring this epidemic under control. Stephen super. So, all we have to do is show some discipline. Shouldnt be a problem for the country that invented hot dog bites pizza. Now, the c. D. C. Reporting all this coronavirus Hospital Data is making the Trump Administration look terrible, t trumnistration has finallcome up with a solution t. Coronavirus Hospital Data will now be sent to the Trump Administration instead of the c. D. C. And i believe we have some live video of the new Trump Administration covid Data Processing center. paper ripping laughter stephen you see, trump doesnt want us to know what the real coronavirus numbers are. He knows hes failed. Hes just like a kid grabbing his report cart card out of the mailbox before anyone could see it. But were going to find out how bad he is doing when we all have to make coffins in shop class. But there is some good news on the covid front, because last night we found out that the moderna Coronavirus Vaccine shows promising safety and immune response results in a published phase 1 study but blah, blah, blah, we have a vaccine give it to me i want to eat unwiped groceries and finely film my special the late show say it and spray tacular live from the unventilated basement of a nursing home with special guest Governor Stitt. Of course, once a vaccine does come out everyone on earth is going to want it. And to make sure everyone can afford it some Pharma Companies have made a no profit pledge. No pharma profit. Unless the vaccine also happens to cure erectile dysfunction, in which case, they got to get their beaks wet. And its not their beaks. And no a no profit pledge is a noble gesture, but some folks are skeptical because these pharmaceutical Companies Promise comes with a caveat vaccines will be offered at no profit during the pandemic. Hmmmm. Thankfully big pharma has come up with a way to reassure the public about their motives and it is all in their new ad. Are you worried about the future . Unable to sleep at night, afraid that Pharma Companies will put their profits ahead of your health . If you are concerned about the cost of a vaccine, ask your doctor about vaxalax. Vaxalax is the only medication proven to reduce anxiety about big pharma taking advantage of you in a national crisis. You can trust vaxalax because of its mascot professor cashington, the ethical money sack. Side effects include legless rest syndrome, kidney rhinestones, crumblefoot, spontaneous beard sparrows, the galloping hoopsticks, spinal crunch wrapping, ferdinands flopsy, big ol pink face, gortons fisherman syndrome, scrotal yodas, chronic vaccine resistance, facial graham crackering, full blown coronavirus and dolla dolla bills, yall. Stephen with covid raging across the nation, donald trump held an Emergency Press conference yesterday in the rose garden. Now, traditionally, addresses from the rose garden are not baldly political events. It is where you celebrate champion teams, pardon the turkey and celebrate the rare champion turkey. But this was just another rally speech in which trump raged and attacked joe biden by name nearly 30 times. At this point hes just trying to talk biden out of his basement. as trump whats the matter, joe . Afraid to come out and fight me in the searing Nuclear Fallout of public scorn . Fine, i guess ill be the only one mutating in the agonizing hellscape that i created. Trumps main argument is that biden was too soft on china. Biden personally lead the effort to give china permanent most favored nation status, which is a tremendous advantage for a country to have, few countries have it. But the United States doesnt have it, never did. Stephen this is so true. The United States never received favored nation trading status from the United States. as trump and when will america finally have an ambassador to the United States . Every other country gets one. Must be sweet. Way to go, joe. Announced an ambitious plan to combat climate change, so trump tried to scare the voters with it. They want to rejoin the paris climate accord. And they want to seek an even higher level of restraint. Mandate net zero Carbon Emissions for homes, offices and all New Buildings by 2030. That basically means no windows. Stephen no windows . What and how are windows carbon emitting . Did we find out donald trump has a gasoline powered venetian blind . as trump eric, quick, you pull the two cordy things and i will fire her up. Pull off the choke. According to trump, biden has his sights on more than just windows. Joe biden wants to end school choice, abolish educational standards, abolish in the suburbs, you are going to abolish the suburbs with this. Stephen abolish the suburbs . How desperate is he to scare suburban voters . as trump over the Property Line in your yard. Hes going to tear down your seasonal flag of a kitten sitting in a picnic basket and then not close his recycling bin, and thats why the raccoons are just going to take over. Im not running a damn raccoon hotel here. But its not just joe biden. Trump also attacked the real enemy of democracy, people voting. These mailin figures, some democrat governor sends in millions of ballots all over the state. Who are they sending them to . Nobody has any idea. Theyre sending them to dogs. They actually have them sent to dogs. Stephen dogs. Well, its about damn time. For too long they have had castration without representation. Bob barkerapproved slam stephen we also got more of trumps interview with cbs catherine herridge, who asked trump about what he plans to do about the lag in coronavirus testing. What can you do to speed up the testing result time . There are different kinds of tests. There are tests that are very good, very strong, where you send it to a laboratory. The best thing we can do is we are doing more and more of them is onsite testing. Will you push for more onsite testing . I like it the best. I mean, i like it the best. It might not be as accurate by the way, but i like it the best. Stephen as trump i love tests that are inaccurate, like the one tha perfect te i love it. I love you. Are you my wife . Who am i . Hide me, joe biden is coming for my windows. Dog trump has blamed china for the pandemic, so herridge asked him what he is going to do about that. How will you hold the Chinese Government accountable for covid19 . Youll see, youll see. Its not for you, its for me. Stephen oh, no, he has gone full dr. Seuss. as trump youll see, youll see, its not for you, its for me. How will i punish president xi . That, my friend, is a mystery. With a sploot and a splort and a sklout and a frout, i have no idea what i am talking about. Are you my wife . Trumps messaging on masks has been, lets say unhelpful. And last night he managed to keep up his streak. Would you urge americans to wear masks . If its necessary i would urge them to wear a mask. Stephen powerful. It reminds me of Nancy Reagans antidrug campaign, just say no, if its necessary. Cocaine is delicious. Yesterday was also primary day in three states maine, alabama and texas. And some familiar faces graced the ballots, like former white house physician dr. Ronny jackson, seen here winning a staring contest with a ceiling fan. Dr. Jackson left his post at the white house after allegations that he was playing fast and loose with prescriptions, earning him the nickname the candy man. Its true. Urban legend say if you say dr. Ronnys name three times in a mirror at midnight, the drugs he gave you finally kicked in. The reputation of being a pill popping daddy didnt hurt jackson too much because yesterday he won the g. O. P. Primary runoff for a texas congressional seat. It helped that his campaign passed out free prescription pads. But it was a rougher night for former attorney general and grandma saying young lady you are not leaving this house in a crop top, Jeff Sessions. Yesterday sessions lost the alabama g. O. P. Senate runoff. Thats it. Thats the end of Jeff Sessions political career. I would dance on his grave but its too tiny. And to add insult to injury, sessions lost to trumpbacked candidate tommy tuberville. This is a stunning political fall. Sessions was the first senator to back trump in 2016. But trump never forgave sessions for recusing himself from the russia investigation, which is why trump backed tuberville. But what shifts the story from sad to truly pathetic is that sessions never stopped loving trump. This is his Actual Campaign ad. You know, out of the 100 United States senators i was the very first one to stand with donald trump. I knew he was the one to make America Great again, and i will keep fighting for President Trump and his agenda. Im Jeff Sessions. I approve this ad. Stephen that is the saddest thing i have ever seen. It is like a jilted lover wearing her exboyfriends hat. Dont take her back, carl. This loss has got to be a huge blow to Jeff Sessions, so here to tell us how hes handling it, please welcome former attorney general Jeff Sessions. Hello, stephen. I do declare the loss of my former seat in the great state of alabama, has left me more deflated than a bouffant hairdo in august on mobile bay. It is so painful to me, Jefferson Beauregard sessions the 3rd, that i have made a fateful decision. A world where i cant lick the boot of donald trump isnt one i want to be in. At least i outlived my integrity. Here i go im headed towards the white dont try to stop me i wont. Ill do it. I believe you. Goodbye cruel world. I love you donald trump glugglugglugglugglug Jeff Sessions, everybody. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Ricky gervais is here. But when we come back, meanwhile. Youre not using too much are you hon . Charmin ultra soft is so soft youll have to remind your family they can use less. Charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. And geico loves helping riders get to where theyre going, so to help even more, geico is giving new and current customers a fifteen percent credit on their motorcycle policies with the geico giveback. And because were committed for the long haul, the credit lasts your full policy term. The geico giveback. Helping riders focus on the road ahead. Yes. Neutrogena® ultra sheer. Superior protection helps prevent early skin aging and skin cancer with a clean feel. Its the one. The best for your skin. Ultra sheer. Neutrogena®. Contactless delivery tarright to your door,very designed for your day. So you can work out, join in, and game on. Just download the target app and try it today. And ask your doctor about biktarvy. Biktarvy is a complete, onepill, onceaday treatment used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights hiv to help you get to and stay undetectable. Itnot be measured by a lab test. Research shows people who take hiv treatment every day and get to and stay undetectable can no longer transmit hiv through sex. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking biktarvy without talking to your doctor. Common side effects were diarrhea, nausea, and headache. If youre living with hiv, keep loving who you are. And ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you. Stephen welcome back, everybody. We are here with our friend mr. Jon batiste. Hello, jon. For the people at home didnt get to hear just now is that you were being transported by aretha. Jon yes, oh, my goodness. Her voice brings you to a place that you want to be. Stephen can you play a littleet to the next act . Jon yes, yes. Stephen thank you, jon. Jon batiste, everybody. You know, i spend most of my time right here hearing the finest news, slicing the most premium topical cheese and layering all the days biggest stories into the perfectly balanced madetoorder Club Sandwich that is my monologue. But sometimes, sometimes i like to set aside some smaller scraps of news bread and forget them on the counter where they develop mold which contaminates the nearby topical petri dish inhibiting bacterial growth, after which i sequester theus in unlated bab pell of news that is my segment. Quarantinewhile stephen quarantinewhile, i wouldnt be doing my job if i didnt mention the latest online interweb viral sensation known as everything is cake. A clear trademark violation of the motto i live by, cake is everything. Heres a video by a turkish pastry master that will make you question all that you know to be true. Sen that toilet paper really hits home with me because many is the time i sat on the john and then been horrified to find out that were out of cake. What really caught my attention was this one that looks exactly like a pizza, but surprise, underneath is cake. Thats insane. Who would even think to put pizza right on top of cake . Because certainly no one has ever done that when they were high last night. Quarantinewhile, a u. K. Pub installed an electric fence at the bar to ensure patrons socially distance from it. Nice try, but to young idiots getting hammered that electric fence is a deterrent, thats a challenge. Bro, lets grab it. Next round is on whoevers heart stops first. Quarantinewhile, covid is causing drama in americas proud naked community because now nudist resorts are requiring masks. I will say if before all this you would tell me nudists would be forced to cover up for public health, the mouth would not be the orifice i assumed was the problem. The requirements are rubbing nudists the wrong way, which is very common. Many are worried about tan lines and one long time nudist said that it is hard not to see each others faces because one of the things nudists are known for is the friendliness. Yes, that is one of the things that they are known for. Couple other things they are known for, but i try to keep my paavteamed up to create adly lego version of the classic n. E. S. Console. To be clear, its not playable. Its a lego model of a tv and the game console. Its the perfect gift for that person in your life whose favorite part of baking is building the oven. The system features an 8bit mario on a scrolling screen recreation of a super mario brothers level all in pieces of lego. So now when mario steps on the bad guys he doesnt die, but it hurts like hell. Quarantinewhile, burger kings latest sustainability effort is to reduce cow farts. Here is a free tip you want to make sure the cows fart less, dont feed them burger king. The folks at b. K. Are tweaking the cows diets by adding 100 wie usedoprs ameass to reduces restaurants in austin, los angeles, miami, new york and portland beginning tuesday. And to promote it, burger king workers are wearing these cool new buttons that say ask me about our reducedfart beef. Quarantinewhile, researchers are turning to the Animal Kingdom to find treatment for s. T. I. S. Animals are useful in the study of these infections because chlamydia has hit wild koalas hard. Humans dont have a monopoly on sexuallytransmitted infections. In fact, oysters get herpes, and dolphins get genital warts, which explains pixars new sequel avoiding nemo. Well be right back with ricky gervais. Tmobile and sprint have merged. And tmobile doesnt just have a bigger network, but a better one than ever its core. Otection built into introducing, scamshield, free from tmobile. Get fewer scam calls. Period. With tmobiles supercharged network, you can say goodbye to annoying scam calls, and feel free to answer your phone again. Hello add some resistance. Sara, your movie plus trial is about to expire. Do you want to continue or cancel . Capital one knows life doesnt update you about your credit card. So meet eno. The capital one assistant that looks out for charges that might surprise you and helps you fix them. Another way capital one is watching out for your money when youre not. Whats in your wallet . Well then chill your reeses, dessyoull eat it slower. Ast . I wouldnt know i swallow mine whole like a duck. Not sorry. Reeses. Tonight, try pure zzzs all night. Unlike other sleep aids, our extended release melatonin helps you sleep longer. And longer. Zzzquil pure zzzs all night. Fall asleep. Stay asleep. And here we have another burst pipe in denmark. If you look close. Jamie, are there any interesting photos from your trip . Ouch, okay. Huh, boring, boring, you dont need to see that. Oh, here we go. Can you believe my client steig had never heard of a home and auto bundle or that renters could bundle . Wait, youre a lawyer . Only licensed in stockholm. What is happening . Jamie anyway, game show, kumite, cinderella story. You know karate . No, alan, i practice muay thai, completely different skillset. Stephen welcome back ladies and gentlemen. My guest tonight is the Emmy Awardwinning comedian you know from the office, extras and hosting all of those golden globes. He currently stars in season two of afterlife. Please welcome to a late show, ricky gervais. Hello, ricky gervais. Hi, how is it going . Stephen its fine. How is it going with you . Yeah, good. Cant complain. Stephen really . Well, i can complain. Well, i can, but i wont, not when when theres nurses doing 14hour shifts, i dont think its right for me to complain. Stephen okay. And also, if im being honest, i sort of prefer it. I dont like people coming to the house. I dont like getting dressed up to go places. Stephen do you like people in general . Do you like people even if you go to them . Are you a fan of people . Um, well, i prefer animals. People are good. I mean ive got nothing nothing against people. I dont i dont want to have to deal with them. Like this is so stephen youre not going to actively attack people, but you are not going to waste your time defending people. But i like this, this is better than having to get dressed up and go to the studio, not that i get dressed up. Stephen no, are you wearing what you always wear, a black tshirt. Thank you for dressing up. I assumed if i saw you at home you would just be naked because that is the only way down from what you usually wear. I am. I am naked from the waist down. But listen, the reasons why is i dont look good in anything. I could have a handmade, madetomeasure armani suit and id still look crap. So, i just go for comfort. So, thats why, so this sort of suits me. I made sure there was enough food in the house for three months. Stephen oh, well, thats good. Yeah. But its funny, well, because i saw on the news the lockdown was coming. And i saw people fighting in supermarkets over toilet rolls, buying hundreds who cares about in armageddon, if it is the end of civilization, honestly, i would swap my last toilet rolls for a bottle of wine. Who cares . Listen, if its the end of the world i would rather be drunk and ill wipe my ass on the curtain. So, i dont know why these people were so why was that the first thing that people thought . Weave to cleane haoy were they clean ite. . Yeah, exactly. Even the bidet. Suddenly the bidet is popular again, i have never used one in my life. I dont know what they were thinking. Maybe theyre worried about getting into heaven and maybe theyre worried about their. Stephen wait, are you implying, in and, again, just showing how much you love people, are you implying that the christian tradition involves toilet paper in some way, that, uh, nether hygiene is somehow related to st. Peters check list . I dont know. I know stephen its not. No, i dont think. Stephen its not. I think, i think satan is much more concerned with the state of your ass. Stephen sure. You know what god is concerned with . Wine. Hes very upset if there is only water. He turns it into wine so right there, ricky, hes the two of you agree on something. Come on over to the winning team. Yeah, well, i know, i know. You want me to you want me to find god. Stephen i dont necessarily want you to. Do what you want. I live and let live, i say. Whatever you want. I am just saying there are appealing aspects to it. Maybe he doesnt want me to find it. This is a big house. I have looked everywhere, i havent found him yet. He might be here, right, you cant prove, you know, i agree with that, you know, you cant prove the nonexistence of something, so he might be here. And if he didnt want me to find him i wouldnt find him. If are you an all powerful being, you are the best hide and seek champion in the universe. So, i might be looking and rm and he is watching me. And when i leave that room he goes in that room. You know what i mean . Stephen sure. If god doesnt want me to find him, im not going to find him. Stephen youve said the coronavirus has made you a more moral person. How so . Because i dont have to lie now to get out of work and social occasions. I can just say no, im not doing it because the virus. You go, oh, yeah, fair enough. Whereas before if someone said to me, oh, can you come to my christening or i go oh, i cant, im giving blood at the orphanage. And so i felt bad about that. But now i just go, no, im too fat and old to risk it. I will die. I cant come see you. And they go, yes, fair enough. Stephen thats a terrible lie, by the way. Im giving blood at the orphanage. laughter that paints a very strange picture, i have got to say. Oh, no, were just spraying it around, were not putting it in bags. Im trying to teach these orphans that it could get worse. Yes, you dont have parents, but imagine if a strange man came to squirt blood at you. Its not even a lot have died because my blood isnt right for them. But i insist. Stephen i have got to do that today rather than come to your christening. Yeah, exactly. Stephen by the way we have skipped over this, but what is your drink of choice . You say that you have, the first thing you did was stock up on alcohol, what is your drink of choice, what is your it is the evening, so i have a little beer. This is a little i. P. A. And then i will probably go on to the red wine later with my meal. Stephen okay. So, y spirityo too dangerous. I like a whiskey, but i think you have to do that very sparingly, christmas, when there is, no, im a little bit scared of being that guy that drinks whiskey. Yeah, no, its too frighteni. Tephen okay,. So you have a pendency, bu very soft one. Exac yeah. laughs stephen we have to take a quick break, but stick around, everybody. When we come back ricky will give us a blowbyblow detailed description of what will happen to his body after he dies. Its worth the wait. Its interesting what happens when you treat every little piece of a thing. Like its not just one thing. But everything. Because when each part does everything better than ever. Imagine what you can do with the sum of those parts. The new dell xps 10th gen intel bong you cant claim that because its inanimate people ask me what sort of a person should become a celebrity accountant. And, i tell them, nobody should. Hey, buddy. Whats the damage . I bought it the waterfall . Nope a new volkswagen. A volkswagen . I think were having a breakthrough here welcome to caesars palace. Thank you. Turns out, my body wash was the problem. Until i tried olay body. Which improves skin 3 times better than the leading body wash. Better skin from a body wash . You Better Believe it. With olay body. And your friend says they dont want fries. Will be their fries. 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Safe drivers do save 40 . Click or call for a quote today. Stephen hey, everybody. Were back with americas sweetheart, ricky gervais. Now you are in season two of afterlife, a show you and let me get this list out here created, wrote and directed. And now for those of you out there in our audience who arent familiar, and none of them arent familiar, but just humor us for a moment and explain what the show is about. Well, i play a guy whos love of his life, his wife, dies of cancer and im angry and depressed and suicidal. Funny stuff, right . Stephen so far. And im going to kill myself, but the dogs hungry and that gives me long enough to decide okay, if im going to live, live for awhile, im going to punish the world. Im going to start saying and doing exactly what i want. And when it gets too much i can always kill myself. I was going to be dead anyway. So he treats it like a superpower. That is the sort of high concept, but it is a study in grief, but it is really funny, we sort of live vicariously through me being able to say what i want. You know, he says all the things wed like to say in situations but mustnt because we are worried about being popular or our comeuppance, and he doesnt care. That is how it starts. Season two sort of carries on with that, but he is trying his best now. Season one was him going through, like, shock, anger, denial. Now he is going through negotiation. Hes saying, okay, if i am going to live, why . What is in it for me . What it asks the big question, if you lose everything, is life still worth living . So, thats, you know, the premise. Stephen there you go, job, the book of job. Is it . Stephen yeah. Job has everything taken away from him. Oh, thats interesting. Stephen everything is taken away from him and he is told by his neighbors, essentially, curse god and die, and he wont do it. Well, thats sort of, well, that is great. This guy, who i play no, no, it is he thinks he has lost everything and he is an atheist so he hasnt even got that to fall back on. He knows that his wife isnt in heaven looking down on him. And so he says, you know, i want to be with her. And his brotherinlaw says that doesnt make sense, you dont even believe in an after life. And he says, no, i know shes nowhere, but i would rather be nowhere with her than somewhere without her. So that is his choice. He dont want to live without this, this relationship. And so, it is about healing. It is much more about healing. But there is a bit of spirituality in it because hes got to find a reason to live. And, uh, so, yeah. Stephen if there were ar paradise, just imagine there were a paradise, we will get to hell in a moment, but if there were a heaven, for you what would that be . Have you ever given that any thought. I know what it would be. Stephen what . It would be me, it would be me running around playing with dogs, i think. It would just be me with animals. Just like a disney movie. You know what i mean . When you when snow white opens the doors and all the birds come down singing to her, hedgehogs and badgers, that that would be heaven for me. Just and we are all drunk. Stephen and now hell, what would hell be, ricky . Have you given that a thought . Oh, lots of things. Lo of things annoy me. Um. What would hell be. Well, if there is no limit, is there. The horror, i can always add to the horror, but i dont really cause i dont believe in an afterlife i have nothing to fear. To me hopefully being dead will be like the 13andahalf billion years before i was born. I dont fear that. I dont really care. Stephen you dont have fear of the afterlife, but do you have i assume you have daily anxieties. Oh, oh yeah. Oh, if if i wake up, if i got an itch, i think its cancer. Im going to die within a week. Oh, yeah. I dont like the idea of dying. I just dont mind being dead. If everyone died in their sleep stephen got it, got it. I would never have any anxiety. If everyone went to bed one night and they didnt wake up, i wouldnt have a care in the world. It is just going through that, and i dont care what happens to my physical body because stephen lets end on that, ricky, because i want to leave the audience with the knowledge that you do not care if they all die. laughter no stephen that is what you said. You said if everyone, if everyone just died in their sleep, you would be fine, that is what you just said. I meant everyone in history, as ar if they died in their sleep. I dont want everyone to die in their sleep tonight. I mean, if we knew, if that is the way that humanity, if every human who died, just died in their sleep, no one it would be great. And i dont care about my physical body. People are like, what do you want to do with your body after you die . Stephen yeah, what do you want to do with your body after you die . I dont care. I would probably give it to medical science so it does some good. If they would cut me open and go what the bleep is this . What has he been doing . This is disgusting. Or i thought of another idea. Feed me to the lions. Like me being thrown into a lions cage in the zoo and people, tourists, going is that the bloke from the office . And you see the lions just chewing me. I like the idea of two lions eating me and they go for soft bits first. So they have a testicle each, about six feet apart, by the time im 78 my testicles will be about six feet apart. And they are chewing it and it will be like lady and the tramp. Just two lions just chewing my testicles. laughs stephen im afraid we absolutely must go. We must go. Im so sorry. I want to hear more about what is going to happen with your carcass next time you are here. Weve covered the testicles. Afterlife is on netflix now. Ricky gervais everybody. Well be right back with a performance by noah and billy ray cyrus. Thank you ricky. 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Each mcnugget, a chance to diversify your sauce portfolio. Ba da ba ba ba stephen welcome back, everybody. Performing, young and sad, ladies and gentlemen, noah and billy ray cyrus. They say you should smile more, darlin show your eyes more arent you satisfied . Im tired of tryna please someone who doesnt even care whats on my mind let me go, i dont need you to wipe my tears dont you know im only tryin to disappear . Dont wanna be young and sad another day longer dont wanna feel numb or mad until i go under and i know that you only want me to be happy but i still feel lonely tonight dont wanna be young and sad another day longer my sisters like sunshine always bringing good light wherever sh g and i was born to rain clouds when they blew the flame out blessed in our shadows so let me go i dont need you to wipe my tears dont you know im only tryin to disappear . Dont wanna be young and sad another day longer dont wanna feel numb or mad until i go under and i know that you only want me to be happy but i still feel lonely tot wad another day longer another day longer, hey dont wanna be young and sad dont wanna be young and sad dont wanna be young and sad dont wanna be young and sad another day longer dont wanna feel numb or mad until i go under stephen thank you noah, thank you billy ray. Check out another song from them as well as other great performances in our playathome series online at colbertlateshow. Com. Stephen now lets say goodnight with some music from jon batiste and stay human. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org captioning sponsored by cbs the late late show, oh, oh the late late show oh, oh its the late late show james goods evening, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late late show, were back in my garage because unfortunat