The articles turn to stone, and democracy crumbles into the sea. Maybe next crime. That sucks. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight signed, sealed, impeached plus, stephen welcomes andrew yang. Abby mcenany. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape at the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen whoo hey how are ya . I like it i like it cheers and applause band playing nice thank you very much so kind, yeah. Were good. Were good. Thank you very much. Welcome one and all, ladies and gentlemen, in here, out there, all around the world to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. And it is cheers and applause an historic day in anmerica, because today, the house of representatives formally sent articles of impeachment to the senate to begin the trial of donald j. Trump. cheers and applause ive got all the details for you in tonights don and the giant impeach. They got me, they got me laughter stephen i like that little guy. This evening, nancy pelosi officially signed the articles of impeachment. And she celebrated by signing with pen after pen after pen after pen. Okay, that one ran out of ink. That one, too . Okay, lets try the next one. Good thing she planned ahead. So important. Once the articles were signed, the houses impeachment managers had to perform their First Official duty, a ceremonial handoff between chambers, as house impeachment managers physically carry the articles across the rotunda in a high profile procession. Yes. They must initiate. The transfer of the articles. ominous music first, each member of Congress Steps forward to seal the text with a single drop of blood. Then, the sacred runes are drawn from beneath Jerrold Nadlers jowls, and lo, a snowwhite ram is brought forth to pluck the maidenhead of adam schiff. Then, they wait a while for the elevator. A lot of foot traffic that time of day. Finally, unto the Senate Chamber the sacred articles are delivered. But only once the chosen seven preeuclidian demonic avatar mccthulu all praise mccthulu gibbering speaking in tongues oh, hello. cheers and applause i was swept up. I was in a trance. I was in a trance, yall. Actually, heres what it really looked like. They walked it across to the senate. After the historic march, the house clerk announced they were ready to present the articles tomorrow, forcing Mitch Mcconnell to read this uncomfortable phrase articles of impeachment against donald john trump. Stephen oooooh daddy like laughter but, you read it too fast. Say it again, only slower. Articles of impeachment against donald john trump. The impeachment of donald. John trump. The articles of impeachment against donald. John. Trump. cheers and applause stephen oooh, yeah. They got it up there. So thats it. The die is cast. Rubicon crossed. Toothpaste, detubed. Impeachment has officially moved to the senate. But trump is still hoping to avoid a trial. He wants a vote to dismiss the charges immediately, citing his favorite source, many. Many believe that by the senate giving credence to a trial based on no evidence, no crime, read the transcripts, no pressure impeachment hoax, rather than an outright dismissal, it gives the partisan democrat witch hunt credibility that it otherwise does not have. I agree laughter as trump great analysis, fictional people i made up for this tweet. Thanks, mr. President. Youre very handsome. Really . Like handsomehandsome or exy handsome . We should kiss. What, now . In front of all these fictional people . You bet your sweet lil tush. kissing wow, youre a really good kisser. Lets do that again. kissing moneys on the dresser. Jon whoa, whoa, whoa stephen its all in the family. laughter but, turns out, mcconnell doesnt have enough votes to dismiss, so the trial is on like johnson, nixon, and clinton. laughter cheers and applause jon he got balls. Stephen one person that the senate might want to hear from is Rudy Giuliani associate and the inspiration behind the beloved soviet toy, comrade turnipface, lev parnas. Yesterday, the House Intelligence Committee released materials that they got from parnas that have been described as a trove of ridiculously incriminating impeachment evidence. Thats pretty bad. Because when it comes to trump crime, the scale goes incriminating. Very incriminating. Ridiculously incriminating, and rudy on merlot. Yeah. Yeah. Dididididi. Didididi, yeah. cheers and applause piano riff the most damning evidence is a series of handwritten notes by parnas on stationery from the Ritzcarlton Hotel in vienna that said things like, get zelensky to announce that the biden case will be investigated. You dont write the crime down, you dummy laughter it didnt help that the next note was leave paper trail of impeachable offenses, and steal ritzcarlton stationery. laughter another actual note is a crime todo list one put together package. Two go to d. C. With package. laughter another two do my magic and cut deal. Hold on. He calls committing crimes doing my magic . Believe me, when i do my magic, people disappear. Abracadaver tadead in the final note, in big, bold letters at the bottom of the page, parnas writes what is perhaps the most incriminating word of all rudy. laughter you have to write it down because if you say his name three times, he appears on fox news and incriminates you in a crime. laughter cheers and applause there are also i was up late, what do you want . There are also texts, like this one in which parnas complains that a corrupt ukrainian officials visa to visit the u. S. Was denied, and giuliani responds, i can revive it. laughter i believe rudy can bring things back from the dead. He always looks like hes screaming, its alive laughter now, giuliani said he took it al the way to the top, texting, its going to work. I have number one on it. By number one, i assume he means president donald trump, who is in some deep number two. laughter because the materials also include a letter from giuliani to ukranian president zelensky requesting a meeting in his capacity as personal counsel to President Trump, and with trumps knowledge and consent. audience reacts yes, two words not generally associated with President Trump knowledge and consent. cheers and applause piano riff so there you go. There you go. Jon whoa, two. Number two. Yeah. Stephen so trump knew and approved of what giuliani was doing. Parnas also implicates a whole host of colorful corruptionful criminals. Like former ukrainian top prosecutor and chernobyl character whos about to leave his friend in the reactor, yuri lutsenko. Lutsenko was in touch with parnas because he wanted to get rid of u. S. Ambassador to ukraine marie yovanovitch, because she had been critical of his office. In exchange, he was offering parnas damaging information related to former Vice President joe biden. How much of the ukrainian economy is just buying and selling dirt on joe biden . Does the kyiv airport stock it at the dutyfree . laughter applause now, over text messages, lutsenko pressured parnas to get rid of yovanovich. He wrote that he had testimony about transfers to b not sure what that means. Maybe burisma, maybe biden but lamented that here you cant even get rid of one female fool meaning yovanovich adding frowny face emoticon. If that wasnt clear enough, he also sent this animoji dispose of the woman. Stephen clearly, parnas had a job to do get rid of marie yovanovich. So this goon subcontracted an undergoon. Enter republican congressional candidate and ten pounds of man in a fivepound suit, robert f. Hyde. Evidently, dr. Jekyll was unavailable. Now, to get hyde all riled up about this, parnas sent hyde tweets from conservative media personalities disparaging yovanovitch. In response, hyde texted, cant believe trumo hasnt fired this bitch. Ill get right in that. Okay, please, spellcheck your hateful, misogynist threats. You sound dumber than trumo. laughter cheers and applause now, 13 hours later, hyde started giving parnas updates that made it sound like he had people stalking yovanovich in ukraine she had visitors. Its confirmed we have a person inside. Shes talked to three people. Her phone is off. Computer is off. Yes, its the political sequel to you. Ew. laughter then, things got even more sinister. Hyde texted, the guys over they asked me what i would like them to do and whats in it for them. They are willing to help if we you would like a price. And guess you can do anything in the ukraine with money. What i was told. To which parnas replied l. O. L. laughter yes, l. O. L. , which im guessing did not stand for lets obey laws. So. cheers and applause piano riff so it looks like this guy robert hyde was threatening a u. S. Ambassador to please Rudy Giulianis buddy lev parnas. But come on, this guy was an associate of an associate of a lawyer representing the president. Theres no way to tie him directly to trump. Other than this photo. And this photo. And this fun selfie. And here he is with don jr. , and eric, and mike pence, trump adviser roger stone, and one with House Minority leader Kevin Mccarthy. And, because, hey, why not . Here he is with the mypillow guy. cheers and applause there you go. There he is. piano riff while he was being impeached, trump signed a mild reduction in his trade war with china. The deal was a little thin on specifics, but trump filled an hour, mostly shouting out people in the audience. Where is jared . Where is jared . Wheres hank . Hank greenberg . David, where are you, david . Wheres david . David . Wheres david . Mike kelly. Where is mike . Where is Kevin Mccarthy . Wheres john . Wheres john . Wheres chuck . Where is larry . Wheres wilbur . Wheres jerry . Wheres tom . Wheres kevin . Where is mike rounds . Wheres nelson . Nelson is around here some place. Where are you, ken . Where the hell is he . Where the hell is ken . By the way, do i see john thune in this audience . Stephen as trump waldo . Wheres waldo . cheers and applause where is where is where is where applause piano riff marco . Marco . No . Polo . Marco . Polo . Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego . Where is bueller . Bueller . laughter he kept going, naming everybody in the room. It was almost like there were impeachment stuff happening at the same time that he was trying to distract from. Which is something trump seemed to remember when he pointed out a lawyer in the crowd. Stephen vaughn, king and spalding. Stephen, king and spaulding. I could use some good legal advice. Do you have some good lawyers over there . I could use some good lawyers, right . Aw, the hell with it. I just have to suffer through it the way i have all my life. audience reacts stephen wait a minute. What have you suffered through your whole life . as trump poor me, i got so much money from my father that i cant fit it all in my wallet, which makes it hard to take off my pants when im cheating on my wife with a porn star. Oh, well, to live is to suffer. So says the buddha, that fat bleep . Weve got a great show for you tonight andrew yang is here. But when we come back, meanwhile why not . cheers and applause band playing when new smartphones are expensive, the family has to share one. Step up with boost mobile and get 4 free Samsung Galaxy a20 phones when you switch or dont and prepare to lose some furniture. Ooo. Got it step up with boost mobile and get 4 lines for 25 per line per month or dont and remodel the living room switch to boost mobile and get 4 lines for 25 per line per month with unlimited data, and 4 free Samsung Galaxy a20 phones, all on our super reliable, super fast network. Step up with boost mobile. All on our super reliable, super fast network. Yeah, that needs mmm. Thats better. Hvr seasoning. You either love it or you really love it. No matter how much you clean, does your house still smell stuffy . Thats because your home is filled with soft surfaces that trap odors and release them back into the room. So try febreze fabric refresher. Febreze finds odors trapped in fabrics and cleans them away as it dries. Use febreze every time you tidy up, to keep your whole house smelling fresh air clean. Fabric refresher even works for clothes you want to wear another day. Make febreze part of your clean routine for full home freshness. La la la la la hello, i saw you move in, and i wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood with some homemade biscuits oh, thats so nice and a little tip, geico could help you save on homeowners insurance. Hmm cookies uhh, biscuits. Mmmm, is there a little nutmeg in there . Oh its my mums secret recipe. You can tell me. Its a secret. Is it cinnamon . Its my mums secret recipe. Call geico and see how easy saving on homeowners and condo insurance can be. Ill come back for the plate. cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody, welcome back give it up for jon batiste and stay human cheers and applause jon, im looking forward to our guests tonight. We have andrew yang is here tonight. Jon yang, yang cheers and applause stephen everybody in the studio audience gets a thousand dollars, right . Jon we dont give a damn, right . Stephen thats the theory. I havent confirmed but thats the theory. Also, please stick around for my second guest, a wonderful performer named abby mcenany, who has got a great show over on showtime right now called work in progress. Its a really beautiful show, really funny, and i didnt know this till today, but turns out we knew each other back in the day in chicago, and i was really happy to find that out. So stick around, its old home week here. applause you know, folks, i spend a lot of time right over there, using the raw material of the days biggest stories to carefully plan, design, and build for you the fivestar luxury hotel that is my monologue. laughter but sometimes i like to load up my truck with some rusty corrugated tin, old loading dock palettes, and a sack of mismatched nails, and then head into the woods behind the autozone to build a ramshackle loner cabin, and use my own blood to scrawl the unhinged news manifesto that is my segment meanwhile cheers and applause meanwhile will always be with us. It will always. It is eternal, youthful applause meanwhile, the rock and roll hall of fame has announced its 2020 inductee class. Depeche mode, the doobie brothers, whitney houston, nine inch nails, the notorious b. I. G. And trex. cheers and applause congratulations to all the inductees especially trex. Its really hard to play most instruments especially with those tiny arms. Meanwhile, a 17yearold High School Student discovered a rare new planet three days into his nasa internship. So if you thought colleges were going to be impressed by your secondchair bassoon, think again, brian. Step up. This is such a big deal, the teen even got to appear on strahan, sara and keke. We want to make sure you continue to make these discoveries because it does give us a better understanding of how everything works, so weve got a gift card here for you for a brand new telescope. cheers and applause thank you. Stephen thats a really nice gesture, but i mean, he discovered a planet at nasa. laughter i think hes all set for telescopes right now. Its like presenting the winner of the Tour De France with a tricycle. laughter meanwhile, jeopardy just crowned its greatest of all time after ken jennings beat out highest singlegame earnings record holder James Holzhauer and highest alltime earnings holder brad rutter in the fourth match of jeopardy greatest of all time, last night. An amazing feat. Though they went too far in allowing jennings to drink from the skulls of his defeated rivals. laughter meanwhile, in reptile promiscuity news, this playboy tortoise had so much sex, he saved his entire species. cheers and applause yeah, get it gives new meaning to the phrase coming out of your shell. laughter when the tortoise started, there were just two males and 12 females of his species alive on the island. But he had so much sex, he helped boost the population to over 2,000. cheers and applause and now he is retiring as a stud and is being returned to the wild. To which the tortoise said no, wait, i can stay you know, for science this next story is part of our longrunning space segment, moooooon newwwwwwws laughter moonwhile, a billionaire is searching for a girlfriend to take to the moon. She would accompany japanese billionaire yusaku maezawa, who would be the first private passenger to take spacexs big falcon rocket on a trip around the moon. This guy is really raising the bar impossibly high for other boyfriends. Hes whisking his lady off to the moon. Meanwhile, jordan wont even take his girlfriend to the good ruby tuesday. laughter take her to the one thats not attached to the mall, jordan if you have to enter through the h m, its not a date laughter now, i know this moon date seems a little weird, but so does maezawas reason for doing it. Im 44 now. As feelings of loneliness and emptiness slowly begin to surge upon me, theres one thing that i think about. The endless void. The restless nothing. Anyway, you seen any good movies . laughter meanwhile, the 2020 olympics are almost here, and tokyo 2020 has styled itself as the most ecofriendly games ever. Which explains the elimination this year of the synchronized tire fire. laughter organizers will award medals made out of recycled phones, and athletes will use beds made of cardboard frames. But theyve been assured the cardboard beds wont collapse during sex, as long as they stick to just two people in the bed. laughter what . Come on cheers and applause please these are olympians you cant limit them to one partner do you really think they spent years hardening their bodies into elite machines then travel halfway around the world for some tender missionary . No they want to bone the entire Bulgarian Volleyball Team for petes sake, your logo is five holes and your motto is faster, higher, stronger thats basically instructions so you get back in there, you throw tarps down on all the floors, come up with a safe word and print it in every language so those heroes can make their countries proud well be right back with andrew yang. I need a nap cheers and applause band playing more than ever, your home is your sanctuary. Thats why lincoln offers complimentary pickup and delivery servicing. Well pick up your vehicle and leave you with a lincoln loaner. Thats the power of sanctuary. Thats a zzzquil pure zzzs sleep. Our gummies contain a unique botanical blend, while an optimal melatonin level means no nextday grogginess. Zzzquil pure zzzs. Naturally superior sleep. Music rocket fuel by dj sh ladies and gentlemen oul get ready, yall get ready ready set jump to the rhythm as hard as you can go keep it steady steady, to the letter, right . Turn it up, we giving a show hey hey hey, whatd i miss . Ready, set steady, bet but buick and gmcs commitment to you, remains the same. We understand you want to feel safe. So were offering current owners complementary onstar crisis assist services. Should you need a vehicle, were offering zero percent financing for up to 84 months with deferred Payment Options for 120 days. Plus, you may have the option to shop online and take delivery at home. Visit our websites for the help you need. Buick and gmc. Were here to help. cheers and applause band playing stephen welcome back, everybody thank you so much for being here my first guest is a tech entrepreneur whos currently running for president. Please welcome back to the late show, andrew yang cheers and applause band playing woo cheers and applause hello, everyone stephen thats nice. I love the bounding of the youthful energy. Can i ask you a question . I saw you responding to the crowd right there. You know how to work a crowd really well and get people excited. When did it first occur to you that you wanted to run or become president of the United States . Because its not just the office, its everything you have to do while youre running for president that almost nobody is prepared to do. I would never have thought of running for president if donald trump had not won in 2016. cheers and applause stephen would you like to thank him . Would you like to take a moment to thank him . For inspiring you . Im happy to thank him for keeping that seat warm long enough for me to come beat him in just nine, ten months. applause stephen all right. Now, you werent in the debate last night. No news to you, but to some of the people out there why werent you in the debate . Well, we were at the right polling threshold in the country and three of the four early states. They just didnt run enough polls in those states ahead of qualification. Stephen because there are criteria set by the d. N. C. And its fundraising . Did you meet the fundraising goal. We blew past the fundraising threshold by a country mile a few weeks ago. Stephen but you didnt make all the thresholds for polling . We were there in iowa and nationwide, they just hadnt run polls in the early states for a month and a half and, because of that, we just ran out of time before the deadline. Stephen well, does it matter if youre in the debate or not . Does it matter to the yang gang . cheers and applause or does it thank you. Stephen or does it sort of just inspire the yang gang to work harder . Or do you have to move beyond the yang gang to the general uber gang of america . The gang of america. Stephen yes. Well, certainly i would have loved to have been on the stage last night, any opportunity to address the American People is a great opportunity. Stephen well, theres no better opportunity than right here, right now. cheers and applause so let me ask you let me ask you the first question that wolf blitzer asked last night. This is the first question wolf asked last night why are you best prepared to be commanderinchief . Im best prepared because im laserfocused on the real problems to have the 21st century. We have to solve those problems like climate change, artificial intelligence, cyber security, and not just the problems on our plate for the last number of years and decades. Stephen what is your threshold for military action . If you have an action for like iran in the middle east, or someone like soleimani who was planning, sponsoring attacks against u. S. Troops in the region, whats the threshold for you to take action against iran or an individual sponsoring these attacks . There are two things here, stephen. Number one, 75 of americans want nothing to do with war with iran. cheers and applause stephen i can understand that. But whats your threshold for action . So, my threshold for action is, number one, there has to be a clear vital American National interest at stake or the ability to avert a humanitarian crisis. Number two, there needs to be a clearlydefined timeline where we can bring our troops back and, number three, we need to have our friends and allies with us in the mission. If those three things were in place, i would consider military action. The attack that killed general soleimani was disproportionate to anything that came before and we did not even consult our allies ahead of time. So i was one of the candidates who said it was a mistake and brought us closer to a war that america did not want. Stephen the debate last night, you were the only person of color at the december debate, okay, and you lamented that at the time. Is that an honor or applause disappointment. Stephen last night, every candidate was white. Who bears responsibility for that . Is it the d. N. C. For setting the rules, or is it the voters not responding to the message of the candidates who happen to be of color . Well, what i said at the debate before this one, fewer than 5 of americans donate to political campaigns. You need disposable income to contribute to campaigns, and you need some form of security in order to run for office. So what happened on the stage last night reflects the inequities and realities in our economy. We should be more concerned with changing those realities on the ground, and if we did that, then the stage would look very, very different. Stephen so, in some ways, its a financial cheers and applause pressure that is causing this . Yeah, clearly, if you have communities of clor who are just making ends meet, they dont have the resources to contribute to campaigns at very hih levels, so you wind up with a stage that does not reflect the population of the country. Stephen you know, if you did not give away 1,000 to everybody, you would have a little more cash to run for president of the United States. Yeah, i have a very understanding wife, stephen. Stephen well, we have to take a little bit of a break. Please dont go away, because well be right back with andrew yang. Well talk about cnbcs little mixup with him. Stick around. cheers and applause whos his groomer . Uh carrie. When were you thinking . I dont know. Tuesday afternoon . Full groom for sure what . I said i just booked ralphies appointment online with carrie from petsmart for tuesday at 4. That work . Wait you what . Its that easy download the app or book online at petsmart. Com step up. Prep up. Up. Prep up. To help keep you free from the risk of hiv. 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Thats why lincoln offers complimentary pickup and delivery servicing. Well pick up your vehicle and leave you with a lincoln loaner and the peace of mind that helps you focus on what matters most. Thats the power of sanctuary. And for a little extra help, you can now purchase a new lincoln remotely, and defer payment for up to 120 days. cheers and applause band playing stephen hey, everybody, were back here with andrew yang. Mr. Yang, if i may, let me ask you this we have a billionaire in office right now, and last night we had mayor bloomberg who is an honesttogod billionaire, and tom steyer, who is a billionaire. What does it mean to you that we have so many billionaires running for president right now . Well, its a symptom of the fact that money runs just about everything in American Life today. And its not just our politics, its the fact that our government has been overrun by corporate interests, and, unfortunately, if you have a billion dollars, thats going to put you in the drivers seat to make debate stages and be able to run for president much more so than if you were th average citizen who just has some good ideas. I think, actually, in many ways, im the polar opposite of those billionaires, because no one had ever heard of me 12 months ago, and we have been growing and growing more consistently than any other campaign, really because americans love our vision of a country where we actually can get the boot off our throats and experience some Economic Abundance instead of scarcity. cheers and applause stephen now, people hadnt heard of you a year ago. And the Washington Post actually called you random guy, andrew yang, and people still have a little trouble figuring you out. For instance, cnbc, in listing all the candidates here last week, here are you as yang but they put up a picture of a guy named jeff yang instead of you. Did they apologize to you . They had a public apology some number of hours later, after it was called to their attention. Stephen yeah. I think thats about the 12th apology ive gotten from a media network. Stephen and who is jeff yang . Jeff yang is a venture capitalist in california, who is a very handsome man stephen yeah. So are you. Youre both goodlooking guys, yeah. Thats about all i know of him. Stephen okay. Did you talk to him . Have you talked to him at all . You know, i havent i think we exchanged, like, direct messages on twitter. Stephen im just saying if you get the nomination, Vice President cheers and applause Yang Yang Yang yang its right there, man. One of the great things, if i didnt want to attend an event and he went cheers and applause laughter piano riff stephen cnbc wouldnt know the difference. They clearly wouldnt know. Stephen okay, heres this big news i mean, this is damn big news. So the yang gang just got one man bigger. This is you thanking dave chappelle, and welcome to the yang gang, do this for our kids. cheers and applause thats a huge get. That is one of the coolest celebrity endorsements ive ever seen. How did this come about . Oh, daves people reached out to my people, we got together for an hourplus and just really connected. Hes a parent, im a parent, we both are really concerned about the way the country is going, and we want to be able to do better and say to our kids we did everything we could to actually leave a country were proud of for them. cheers and applause stephen good luck with the Campaign Good luck with the campaign. 12 months ago, you were random guy, you know, andrew yang. Now youre famous guy andrew yang. If, in some crazy world, you dont become president of the United States that would be crazy. laughter stephen do you have a fallback condition, reality show, you and prince harry and Meghan Markle renting a house someplace . Well, goal number one is get trump out of office. So if im not the nominee, i cheers and applause will be working with whoever the nominee is to win in the fall, and then ill likely end up as part of the administration trying to solve some of the problems that are just getting worse. Stephen well, good luck to you and the yang gang, no matter what happens. Andrew yang, everybody well be right back with comedian abby mcenany cheers and applause band playing too many after parties . Not Drinking Water . Weve all committed skin sins new neutrogena® bright boost. Kickstarts dull, tired skin with neoglucosamine. A gentle, nonacid amino sugar exfoliant that works within the surface and boosts cell turnover by 10x. For brighter, wideawake skin. Bright boost. Pair with illuminating serum for 3x the brightening power. Neutrogena® worried im not picking it up. You pick it up im not picking it up ill pick it up theyre clean raps cuz my hineys clean. Oh yeah im charmin clean. Charmin ultra strong just cleans better. Enjoy the go with charmin. Hersheys. The original cookies n creme. Wild thing, you make my heart sing. You make everything. Groovy. Done yet . Yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry. You sure . Hmm. Mmm. Come on, come on, wild thing. If you ride, you get it. Geico motorcycle. Fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. Keeping our customers, employees, and communities safe. During these Uncertain Times we want you to get the Great Service you expect without leaving the safety of your home. Sprint. Com makes shopping easier by offering free next day shipping and no activation fees on our best new phone deals, like the amazing iphone 11 for just 15 a month when you switch. For now sprint. Com is the best way to learn about our plans, buy new phones and get the services you need. Stay healthy and go to sprint. Com today. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com just like covered california helps you find Health Insurance you can afford. Theyre the only place you can get Financial Assistance to help pay for Health Coverage. Plus, this year, the state is providing more help than ever before. And because a new law requires californians to have Health Coverage or pay a penalty, covered california has made it easier to get financial help, but you gotta sign up by april 30th. Visit coveredca. Com or call to enroll today. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back over here. This one. Sorry about that. My next guest is an actor and comedian who stars in showtimes work in progress. I think people are sleeping with other people. No one. Youre not sleeping with anyone. No. But in seven hours and 30 minutes, i will be sleeping with one. Okay. In seven hours and 42 minutes, is that when we might be exclusive . I mean, would you ever be exclusive . Can you imagine yourself with me doing that, being exclusive with me . You just dont answer . Because i am really about to spiral like a bleep . Stephen please welcome abby mcenany cheers and applause band playing hi so nice to have you on the show. Its so nice to be here, and ive got to say, i just met andrew yang, and hes already making it work. Stephen wow yeah. He said, you know, for you, ill give you installments. I mean, anything works, mr. Yang. I dont know, big fan of his, already. Stephen when i when i found out you were on the show yes. Stephen first of all, everybody in the building was really excited. Were big fans of your show. Dude. Stephen work in progress. Thank you. Stephen and somebody said, oh, you might know her because second city and chicago and she was around for a long time and you guys are fairly close in age. I said, i dont remember abby. So i went to speak to a couple of people, and everybody just had the loveliest things to say about you, that not only are you a fixture of chicago improv community, but that youre so welcoming and you want to make sure everybody feels welcome, like when they come in to a theater or community or any situation. Really . Stephen and i found out thats what i was told. Thats amazing stephen it could be a lie. You could be a horrible person. Honestly. I might, but jurys out. Stephen and i found out this afternoon that we actually had met before. We had. You were my teacher for level five at second city. Stephen wow. cheers and applause yeah. Stephen and i taught there for a few years. Yeah. Stephen and lets get a really close shot of this. Heres me right up there. Im there in the layne bryant dress. Stephen there you go. There you go. Just so you know, im wearing really heavy tights and doc martins. We all have looks. Stephen i had to leave before your show, i understand. Yeah. Stephen so i never got to give you notes on your performance. Thats true. Stephen okay, so i have my old i have my old notebook. Wow, you really move with a lot of stuff. Stephen i do. I have a few notes for abby m. Yeah. Stephen probably you. laughter in the bus stop scene. Yes. Stephen you did with mike f. You originally said you were waiting for the 36th bus and later contradicted that by saying the 22. Right. Stephen the scene is good and there is funny stuff there, but the audience is paying attention evidently more than you are so they jump out of the scene. Heres the second one. Just object work note here. Im sorry. Do you have a response . Do you have a response . No. Stephen this is a dialogue. You know, where you can take the 22 and 36 and then like diversity it splits off so maybe in my mind, had gone off, but i didnt tell anybody else. Stephen audience didnt know. And obviously probably not. Im just holding on. Stephen sure. This is an object work note. Oh, my god its going to be horrible. Im horrible. Stephen not at all. In the ice cream shop scene, okay . Yeah. Stephen great scooping. Are you serious . Stephen i can tell the difference between the vanilla and the rocky road. I saw the whole thing, okay. But i really wanted to be clear, in your performance, i wanted to see how high the wouldnt counter was because sometimes youre putting the thing up here and down here, and again, it pops me out of the scene. I have was surprised you were in it that long. Stephen yeah. Honestly, i thought the career high light of my life was to be on this show, its that you can tell the difference between vanilla and rocky road. Take too much. Stephen the spice girls reference in the mall scene was great. Spice girls will always be timely. Never stop doing that. Thank you. Stephen and my overall note at the bottom of this is i think abbys talent is best utilized on a premium cable series probably in eight parts that allows her to explore the issues of gender identification regardless of gender identification. Does that resonate with you, on any level . cheers and applause everybody says youre ahead of your time, sir. Thats amazing. Thank you for that. Stephen let me ask you, who is, like, your inspiration for comedy . Who when you were younger, like, thats somebody i wanted to be like. For me, comedys been a life saver. Stephen sure, back at you. Right. And steve martin was a very important person and hero to me comedically and actually really helped me and my father. My father and i and our family, you know, familys been through hard times. Andwe were together and we went to the record store and bought two, they were on cassettes at the time, but, anyways, we had them on l. P. S. And then we went and we sat and we listened to these ladies, these steve martin things, and we just were silent. I think i was, like, in fifth grade and stephen and you could be with each other. And hes an amazingly hilarious person and we just and there were some drug references i didnt get. Maybe still dont. But, anyways, we shared this thing and it was very healing and so steve martin just holds the place in my heart and my brain. Stephen well, i have no doubt that youre doing that for other people out there right now who need it. Thank you so much for being here. cheers and applause work in progress airs sundays on showtime. Abby mcenany, everybody. Well be right back. cheers and applause stephen now stick around for james corden. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org james hello, everyone. Im filming you tonight from my. House, on my phone, so i hope you can see me and hear me okay. I wanted to make it a small message because today is the fifth annivers