So i know, boris. I like him. Ive liked him for a long time. You know hes the bad guy, right . Yes. laughter please, sir, i want some more. Absolutely no. laughter mr. President mr. President mr. President , what do you think about calls for your impeachment . I would say, yeah, i would think that it will happen, and it probably should happen. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, london calling. Plus, stephen welcomes adam scott, and musical guest, spiritualized. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen wooooo stephen wooooo thanks everybody. Welcome. Welcome, one and all, ladies and gentlemen, and children of all ages. Welcome to the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. For yet cheers and applause it is a good feeling, a good feeling today, because for yet another day, america was 239 pounds smarter because President Trump is still in england. Take that, you limey bastards. laughter that is for that is for the war of 1812 and piers morgan. And im happy to say that the british brothers are none too happy. Thousands of protesters took to the streets for what is being called a carnival of resistance against the president. Well, good for you. That sounds fun. laughter we have to live with him. laughter here, its a little less carnival of resistance and more a traveling freak show. carnival music cheers and applause the carnival featured the famous trump baby blimp. laughter now i know that might you know, might seem unfair, but let me remind you, the blimp is anatomically correct. Just cheers and applause and its not just london. Protests against trump are planned in 14 cities and towns, including oxford, chester, stokeontrent, bangersonmash, mr. Beanington, stouffers salisbury mac n cheesingshire, sussexuponbutsex. laughter applause cheers . Splash mountain, and finally, east southwestnorthington. Ford. In the i cant believe its not made up town of bishops stortford, a teen mowed a giant penis into a field for trump to see as he landed in london. cheers and applause it was the first time in years trumps been able to look down and see a penis. laughter applause last night, there was an image projected on the tower of london showing trumps Approval Rating in the u. K. Compared to obamas. Its 72 to 21 . Its nice to know. Unfortunately, english votes dont count in our elections. Only russians do. laughter this morning, trump held a joint press conference with british prime minister, theresa may, seen here learning shes also has to meet don jr. And when it came to the protests, the president stressed one important point that there were no protests. As far as the protests, i have to tell you because i commented on it yesterday we left the prime minister, the queen, the royal family, there were thousands of people on the streets cheering. And even coming over today, there were thousands of people cheering, and then i heard that there were protests. I said, where are the protests . I dont see any protests. Stephen as trump and when there are no protests, you know what i call that . Fake boos. laughter applause trump also trump also applause trump was also asked about mexico. Youll recall or you wont that last thursday, out of nowhere, trump tweeted, as trump on june 10th, the United States will impose a 5 tariff on all goods coming into our country from mexico, until such time as Illegal Migrants coming through mexico, and into our country, stop. laughter you cant just slap a tariff on everything youre mad at. as trump i am imposing a 25 fee on all pants coming into my closet until such time as they agree to fit me. You can do it. You can do it, pants. Zip laughter well today, today, trump was asked about those tariffs, and heres what he said mexico shouldnt allow millions of people to try and enter our country, and they could stop it very quickly. And i think they will. And if they wont, we will put tariffs on them. And every month, those tariffs go from 5 to 10 to 15 to 20 , and then 25 . Stephen as trump were going to jack up everything mexico. Cinco de mayo is going to be 10 o de mayo, then 15o de mayo, and you get the idea. But, trump has faith in mexicos government. I think mexico will step up and do what they should have been done. And i dont want to hear that mexico is run by the cartels and the drug lords and the coyotes. I dont want to hear about that. A lot of people are saying that. Stephen as trump yeah, a lot of people are saying that. For instance, me, just now, saying that. Who else, the guy i shave in the morning in the mirror, he says it. Then he calls me bald and paints me orange. Heres the thing mexico is americas number one trading partner, and the economic consequences of these tariffs could be huge. In fact, if these tariffs become permanent, chipotle could raise burrito prices by five cents. Five cents . Jon this is an outrage. Stephen its an outrage, jon its an outrage now were going to have to start putting cheaper things in our mexican food. Get ready for taco bells pigeons n lint crunch supreme. laughter thats not bad. Jon i dont know about that. Stephen sure, some hot sauce and you wont even know. The potential economic damage has made the unthinkable contemplatable because Congressional Republicans have begun discussing whether t may have to vote to block President Trumps planned new tariffs on mexico, which would be the g. O. P. s most dramatic act of defiance since trump took office. Oh, so, this they would block. Theyre fine with obstruction of justice and kids in cages, but this is too far. Just listen to Mitch Mcconnell speaking to the senate today they can take our lives, but they can never take our guacamole. laughter applause stephen oh. Yes. Yes. Jon heavy scene. Stephen wow. So trump was asked about the republicans plans to possibly grow a spine oh, i dont think they will do that. I think that if they do, its foolish. Theres nothing more important than borders. Ive had tremendous republican support. I have a 90 94 Approval Rating as of this morning in the republican party. Thats an alltime record. Can you believe that . Isnt that something . I love records. Stephen as trump i love records. Unbelievable. I love records. I love the guinness book of World Records. Its great to meet theresa may, but i really want to meet those worlds heaviest motorcycle twins and that guy with the long fingernails, too. Trump was also slated to meet with several other british politicians while he was over there. And theres one in particular he likes, probrexit m. P. And man whose hairdresser is a raccoon, Boris Johnson. Johnson has been called britains donald trump. Oh, thats a nice change of pace, a donald trump who speaks english. laughter ap before his visit to england, trump actually backed Boris Johnson to be the next prime minister. But the feeling may not be mutual, because Boris Johnson turned down a trump meeting, yes, to which Queen Elizabeth responded as queen no one told me that was an option noooo noooooone told laughter applause Boris Johnsons not alone. While trump was at buckingham palace, Princes William and harry also avoided a chance of a photo op. Harry told reporters, no thanks, i learned my lesson about getting photographed with nazi stuff. But. laughter not sure what to make of your reaction. But there was one highprofile brit who did meet with trump today, Brexit Party Leader and pug who just heard your car in the driveway, nigel farage. Farage is a farright member of the e. U. Parliament who has recently been the target of protesters who splashed him with milkshakes. I think i know why trump agreed to meet with him. as trump keep talking, nigel. Im just going to suck on your lapels. laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Dame Emma Thompson is here. But when we return, meanwhile stick around cheers and applause band playing their bearnaise sauce here is the best in town. [ soft piano music playing ] mm, uh, what do you do for fun . Not this. Oh, what am i into . Mostly progressives name your price tool. Helps people find Coverage Options based on their budget. Flo has it, i want it, its a whole thing, and shes right there. Yeah, shes my ride. This dates lame. He has pics of you on his phone. Theyre very tasteful. Before discovering nexium 24hr to treat her frequent heartburn, marie could only imagine enjoying freshly squeezed orange juice. Now no fruit is forbidden. Nexium 24hr stops acid before it starts for allday, allnight protection. 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Jon, one of my favorite one of my favorite one of my favorite performers and one of my favorite interviews on the planet is here tonight. Emma thompson is going to be here. Right there. Shes a dame. Shes got that she got the damed. You dont say knighted i guess. She got lady knighted. Jon its amazing. Stephen im very excited for her. I cant wait to see her again. Folks, every night i carefully and thoughtfully pull together the bones, muscles, sinews and flesh of the news and stitch them together in a unique creature i call monologue. But sometimes i like to take whatever spare flippers and beaks that are lying around and slap them together with a little that is my segment, meanwhile cheers and applause carol merrill. Meanwhile, in scotland, a family found out their five pound chess piece could be worth one Million Pounds because the piece is part of the famous medieval lewis chessmen, and has been missing for almost 200 years. So, i believe officials should really check out the rest of that familys board games, because there is something really weird about their game of operation. Meanwhile, last week, lithuania held their 20th annual baby race to Mark International childrens day. 25 babies raced for glory in a teenytiny nailbiter, but the ultimate winner was 11monthold ignas sadly cheers and applause yes, hes a champion. Hes a winner. He wanted it. Sadly, ignas was disqualified when it was revealed that he had been juicing. laughter meanwhile, scientists have created the loudest possible sound underwater. Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there dont let anyone tell you a career in science has to be useful. laughter a principal has resigned after being arrested at a strip club while on a school field trip. laughter applause i dont know. That is that is unbelievable. That it did not happen in florida. applause also cheers and applause also, what was this field trip . Over here, children, is where the Founding Fathers learned to clap that booty and make it rain up in here heres what happened students of the holy family okay Holy Family Catholic School in louisiana were on a trip to washington, d. C. , when the principal, michael blazeof glory comeau here, left the group and was arrested when police were called to archibalds Gentlemens Club in washington, d. C. , for an intoxicated man refusing to pay his bill. Well, of course of course. Dont you dare boo him of course he refused to pay. You try to afford strippers on a School Principals salary. laughter applause this is a wakeup call, america. I mean, for petes sake, for petes sake, these good people after theyve paid for their rent, their gas, their own school room supplies, sometimes. Theres just nothing left to tip cinnamon, cheyenne, or ginger in the champagne room when police arrived, comeau was standing in the roadway, refusing to move. The parents of the kids demanded he immediately be fired. While the students demanded he immediately be invited to zacks lake party this friday. Its gonna be lit before we single him out, i think its important to know that comeau was not at the strip club alone. He had a service dog with him now, we dont know why this man needs a service dog, but i really hope its not because of vision impairment, because that means he was just at the strip club for the soundtrack. laughter principal como was also a part time reserve police officer, but not anymore. He did the honorable thing and resigned by text. Im guessing booze emoji, dancing girls, police car, bye bye. laughter cheers and applause meanwhile, a motorist arrested for yelling bleep you to a state trooper was vindicated. Either because it was free speech, or the jury proved beyond a reasonable doubt that the trooper should go bleep himself. Well be right back with Emma Thompson. band playing cheers and applause and the record for longestlasting aa battery goes to. cymbal crash energizer ultimate lithium. Guinness World Records title holder for longestlasting aa battery. Steady the elbow. Shoot me one . Ahh boom shaka laka. Feisty. Ahh laso you can enjoy it even ifst youre sensitive. Se. Yet some say it isnt real milk. I guess those cows must actually be big dogs. Sit i said sit so they can deliver them a sandwich. Read the legal copy below if you must, but we assure you, it will be a real house. Enter to win at jimmyjohns. Com. Because sandwich. And these new highrise slim straights are it. Take that jane fineberg. Take what . Jane i see youre still a weirdo. Made a whole career of it babe. Shop fifty percent off all tees, forty off all dresses, and thirty off all jeans. Now at old navy. Hey, who are you . Oh, hey jeff, im a car thief. What . im here to steal your car because, well, thats my job. What . What . . What . laughing what . . What . what . [crash] what . haha, it happens. And if youve got cutrate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. So get allstate. Btedomalike me. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is a twotime Academy Award winner you know from sense and sensibility, love actually, and howards end. Please welcome, dame Emma Thompson cheers and applause cheers and applause cheers and applause wooo oh stephen delightful. Delightful. Im afraid thats all we have time for. Thanks for being here. cheers and applause theyre very excited. Theyre very excited. Im exhausted stephen thank you for coming back. Im so glad and happy to see you. Stephen you know, an interesting thing has happened since the last time you were here. You have big news in your life. You have become a dame. For the people out there who dont know, explain what a dame is. Well, im not entirely sure. laughter nothing seems to have changed. I thought maybe. When it happened, you know, it would be treated differently in some way i mean, obviously, i had all the chairs in my house raised slightly, the ones i sit in obviously, not everyone elses not too high. So people are slightly is she is she higher . But not sure, you know. Tiny bit sort of confused. And i thought i would be greete. I would be able to walk my sheep over the london bridge, you know. I dont know. But, everything seems to be the same. Stephen well, im so sorry. Yes, what i can tell you . Stephen here is the moment yourself. Here is you, receiving your damehood, right there. Yeah. cheers and applause stephen with prince william. Prince william. Hes very nice. Stephen very nice fella . Such a nice boy. Stephen did you know him already before this moment . I did know him already, yes, i did. Because i know his dad quite well. And hes lovely. But i had only seen him when he was quite a tall baby. laughter and and hes got a lot taller. Stephen a tall baby. A tall baby. He was a very tall baby. And he was just so delightful. And now, of course, grown up with children everything. Stephen and has babies of his own. So, i rushed to him, yes, yes, going, darling, can i kiss you . And he said, no. No, you cant kiss me. I kissed him later. Stephen thats nice. I also noticed in this photograph youre wearing, youre wearing sneakers. Stephen athletic shoes, youre wearing sneakers right there. Theyre posh sneakers, theyre quite posh sneakers. Everybody gave me a lot of trouble that. But i think they look nice. Stephen they do look lovely. Is this so you can get away quickly in case somebody comes at you with a sword . Yeah, absolutely. Stephen is there a sword involved . No, and there isnt and its not fair. And my husbands very cross because if you get a k your wife, or person who lives with you, becomes lady soand so. But the husband do