Younger, moreattractive state. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight snubponea. Plus, stephen welcomes howard stern featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen wooo hey cheers and applause thanks, everybody. Welcome, one and all, ladies and gentlemen, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Trump cheers and applause if you pay attention, you know that donald trump and congress are fighting. I would say they were at each others throats, but its hard to find the throat under all the oldman jowl in there. And ill tell you all about it in tonights obstruction junction our democracy doesnt function. Floutin subpoenas cuz executive privilege the House Judiciary Committee was supposed to hear testimony today from former white House Counsel and smileschool dropout don mcgahn. They wanted to ask mcgahn about the section of the Mueller Report where mcgahn says trump tried to obstruct justice, and its a large section, but last night, the white house blocked mcgahn from testifying to congress. So, they dont get to ask about obstruction because the alleged obstructer obstructed the witness to his obstructing. laughter thats like calling a witness in a murder trial and the murderer standing up and saying, your honor, this man cant testify, i just murdered him. Therefore, im innocent . Now, in yesterdays chopper talk, trump explained that keeping mcgahn from testifying is not about trump. Why are you asking don mcghan to defy a congressional subpoena . Well, as i understand it, they are doing that for the office of the presidency, for future president s. Stephen that is optimistic. laughter he thinks there will be future president s. as trump after me, im thinking were going to go with ivanka, then maybe robomeatloaf, then my gorillas body. Stitched on to a we wear the same suit size. One person who was not happy about this was House Judiciary Committee chairman jerry jeff nadler, who said this our subpoenas are not optional. Mr. Mcgahn has a legal obligation to be here for this scheduled appearance. If he does not immediately correct his mistake, this committee will have no choice but to enforce the subpoena against him. Stephen stern words. If he didnt direct them to an empty chair. laughter okay, im done with mcgahns chair. Now ive got some serious questions for Donald Trumps layzboy, by which i mean, his son. laughter cheers and applause but there is a little good news on the obstruction front. Congress subpoenaed trumps Accounting Firm for trumps financial records, and trump sued his own accountants to keep them from turning anything over to congress, but yesterday, a federal judge upheld the subpoena. cheers and applause yeah, that is thats big. Thats huge. We are finally getting his financial records and i have a strong feeling that were going to find out that the whole time, eric was just a shell corporation. Nothing in there. laughter the judge rejected the white house claim that congress does not have legitimate oversight, pointing to precedents involving james buchanan, warren g. Harding, richard nixon, and bill clinton. Or, as history will remember them, bizarro mount rushmore. laughter the judge wrote in his decision, this court is not prepared to roll back the tide of history. Not even to 2015 . Just roll it back a little, and ill never ask for anything again, just a. Just a. applause naturally, trump smelled a rat. We disagree with that ruling. Its crazy. Its totally the wrong decision by, obviously, an obama appointed judge. Stephen as trump you cant trust an obama appointed judge. Take it from me, a putin appointed president. cheers and applause okay, i know what i know i i know. I i know what. Trump promised to appeal the decision. Now comes the fun part. Because the case is going to the d. C. Circuit court of appeals, which is headed by drum roll please. drum roll judge Merrick Garland cheers and applause wow wow i didnt know it was i didnt know. I didnt know what was going to be in there. This this this envelope has been in my pocket for three years. Yes, its Merrick Garland, which brings me to my new segment oh, snap Merrick Garland is the judge obama nominated to the Supreme Court in 2016, only to have his appointment shut down by mitch mcconnell. Now that guys court gets to rule on trumps financial records. And for the first time applause its sweet, isnt it . Now for the First Time Since 2016, he can wake up and say, its a good day to be Merrick Garland. Oh, and brace yourself, senator mcconnell. Because paybacks a mitch. cheers and applause of course im sure hell be even handed. Of course, trump has to be worried about the 2020 election, because his own polling shows he trails joe biden in pennsylvania, wisconsin, and michigan. cheers and applause trump won each of those states by less than 1 in 2016. If he cant catch up, he might have to do something desperate like trying to appeal to california. as trump what up, cali . Im hella down for whatevs. Lets hit the beach, eat fish tacos. Skateboard down to sequoia . I dont know. But trump is not giving up on the rust belt just yet. Last night he held a rally in pennsylvania with a unifying message of, i hate joe biden and so should you. Dont forget, biden deserted you. Hes not from pennsylvania. I guess he was born here, but he left you, folks. He left you for another state. He left you for another state, and he didnt take care of you because he didnt take care of your jobs. Stephen trump is technically correct. Joe biden ditched his home state of pennsylvania when he was 10 years old. as trump whats the matter, joe . Too busy losing the last of your baby teeth to save pennsylvanias textile factories . Come on. Trump also took aim at another enemy light. You know, i thought that was the sun in my eyes. Its these stupid lights. These people. I mean what are they what are they doing . Is there any way they can turn those lights down, folks . applause crazy. Youve got a thing called the sun. We like the sun better than the artificial nonsense. Stephen as trump thats why i only spray my face with real canned sun. laughter applause the rally was a festive event. People even came in costume, and trump invited one of them up onstage. Get him up here. O auy. Stephen as trump look at this guy. Absolutely incredible. Now, could you get, like, a thousand of your friends to all wear the same suit and go stand in a line at the border . cause im in a bit of a jam here. Lock arms. Red rover, red rover, send pedro right over. Then trump bragged about his other Campaign Motto every day we make good in our motto promises made, promises kept. Weve kept more promises than weve even made. laughter applause stephen a promise that you didnt make but kept is just a thing that happened. laughter as trump look, i know, i never promised Avengers Endgame was gonna be a hit, but now that it is promise kept. Youre welcome. Youre welcome, marvel. Thankfully, one member of the Trump Administration actually did show up in congress today, secretary of housing and urban development and sleepy time tea bear, ben carson. laughter what we really learned from carson today, is that in two years he has learned nothing about his own agency, especially the office of minority women inclusion, or omwi. Are you familiar with omwi and what it is . With who . Omwi. Amway . Omwi . Come on, mr. Secretary, i asked you this when you were here last year, and you asked me to be nice to you. And you turned to your staff, omwi, and you have an omwi director. And we wrote you a letter about it and omwi. Stephen remember we pinned a note to your suit about omwi. The note also said, hello, my name is ben and i am lost and im unqualified for my job. The secretary of housing and urban Development Also did not know about bankowned foreclosed real estate, also known as r. E. O. S. I would also like you to get back to me if you dont mind to explain the disparity in r. E. O. Rates. Do you know what an r. E. O. Is . An oreo . No, not an oreo. Jon oh, my stephen as carson is it a mint milano . Is it a dosey doe . A pecan sandie . A snickerdoodle . Help me out. Im not a rocket scientist. Im only a brain surgeon. laughter he did a fine job. He did a fine job. Fine job. Anyone here a fan of the pbs kids show arthur . cheers and applause last week, pbs aired an episode where arthurs teacher, mr. Ratburn, got married to a chocolatier named patrick the aardvark. Quick tip if youre wondering how a rat and an aardvark get it on, do not google it. Heres the thing your kids may have watched it last week, unless your kids live in alabama, because Alabama Public Television refused to air an arthur episode with a gay wedding. audience booing this is where Alabama Public Television draws the line . Theres way more objectionable content on pbs. I mean, i think we all know what george is curious about. laughter but i did not see that coming. Jon i didnt see that one coming at all. Stephen i didnt expect that. But they do have one point kids who watch arthur are too young to learn about weddings. Well, kids, when two people love each other very much, they make all of their friends fly to nantucket, but then get on a bus to go to some lilac field, to take an hours worth of pictures. Then they make each other wear full suits and gowns in the middle of summer and get drunk in a barn full of mason jar lights. laughter applause jon episode precisely. Stephen this episode of arthur was titled, mr. Ratburn and the special someone. But Alabama Public Television changed it to mr. Ratburn and his roommate patrick, who isnt allowed to come to thanksgiving until after grandma dies. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Howard stern is here. Stick around because its howard stern. Struggling to clean tough messes with wipes . Try new mr. Clean magic eraser sheets. Just wet, squeeze and erase icky messes in microwaves and on stovetops for an amazing clean, get the power of mr. Clean magic eraser in new disposable sheets. Wherever you are. Whatever youre craving. Doordash has the most restaurants across america. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. First order, 0 delivery fee. Delicious, delivered. Another foodie trip. Who even cares . 211 people. Thanks, captain obvious. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. That fish do that. Get rewarded. 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This is nissan intelligent mobility. applause stephen hey, everybody, jon batiste and stay human cheers and applause jon its been a really exciting may so far. Weve had some amazing shows so far this month. Tomorrow night im very excited. Senator Kamala Harris will be on the show tomorrow night. Jon shes great. Stephen always good to talk to her about the campaign. Im looking forward to that. But right now, i cannot wait a moment more, ladies and gentlemen. My guest tonight has spent four decades entertaining us. His radio show is exclusively on sirius xm, and his new book is called howard stern comes again. Please welcome, the king of all media, howard stern applause cheers and applause cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen very nice. Very nice. cheers and applause wow. How about another song . Another song . Give me a nice beat, and ill sing. Ill sing. And now id like to do a song. I wrote a book i wrote a book its a very good book im here to promote im here to promote my book im going to talk to stephen its going to be great i got the band paular i interviewph, jiy, and the ot nnell howard stern comes again howard stern comes again howard stern comes again. Thats it beautiful. applause i dont do that a lot. cheers and applause what a band. That band is like a ferrari. Stephen unbelievable. Yes, thank you. How is everybody, okay . cheers and applause Stephen Stephen welcome to the late show, howard stern. Thank you. One thing you have not changed since David Letterman was here, it is freezing in here, am i right . Stephen this is comedy weather. I need a throw blanket or something. Its unbelievable. Why so cold . Stephen thank you, by the way, for stopping by on the way to the funeral. I thought i looked good. Stephen you do. You do look good. Lifelike. I would describe you as life like. You look like youre just sleeping. You know what happened to me, i did four years on americas got talent. Stephen i was on it once. And i was like, you know, i should get a new wardrobe. Im going to be on television on a Network Television show. I was all excited. So i went out and bought a bunch of suits. I got them from John Varvatos. You know John Varvatos . Very, very popular. You dont know him . I barely know him. But hes fantastic. And i bought these suits and now they sit in my closet. I left americas got talent. Because it was basically silly. I was judging singers. I dont sing. Stephen you have ears. I would go out there. I would go, youre terrible. You cant sing, this, that and the other thing. Who cares if i ruin their careers . Im interesting. I mean, it was fun for a while, but, you know, you got it. Stephen you write about that, you write about that in the book. Howard stern comes again. applause . Steven stephen you write about being on whats it called americas got. Talent. It turns out america didnt have that much talent. Stephen that was a way for you to be santa claus, to be a nice guy. Its a very funny thing about what happened to me on americas got talent. Here i was, fart man, people were scared of me. Children would run from me when i was in the room. And then i go on this Family Friendly show which i thought would be quite shocking. If i went on a show and i was like this teddy bear, you know what i mean . So the weirdest thing happens. I started going to restaurants with my wife the first year americas got talent is on. And suddenly people start coming up, can my kid sit on your lap . Like im santa claus. And im like what bizarro world do we live in . Do these parents know what i do for a living . Stephen are they blind . You do not look like you look like a disturbed uncle. I do. I scare children, stephen. Stephen yes, i know. But all of a sudden, i was sort of Family Friendly. And i actually kind of got off on it. And it was fun to do for a couple of years but thats enough. You know what i mean . I went back to being a monster, and im fine. Anyway, never mind, lets talk about my book. Stephen lets talk about your book. Okay. A collection of your favorite interviews. As i said, mines included because you wanted to sell a few. Right. Stephen i said last night and i mean this sincerely youre maybe the best interviewer ive ever had the honor of being interviewed by. Thank you. cheers and applause stephen you and terry gross. Terry is very good. Whats the key to a good interview . What do you think is the key . Is it agenda or improvising with the guest . I think there are three key things, and this is why i wrote the book. And the book is quite serious because people said to me for years, hey, youre a good interviewer. And i and i was proud of that. And for the first time in my career i said, you know, maybe its time to put out a collection of these interviews. I think theyre fun. Theyre interesting. And you learn something from everybody, as i did from you. You asked me questions almost every one of your questions was different from any question i had gotten before. I didnt know you personally at all when you came in the first time. And we got into a rather heavy discussion. And we and we really you know, we spoke and i didnt know you in this way. You know, we know you as a comedian, but to sit there and have a very serious discussion. And you and i shared a moment in that interview that im very proud of. You were talking about the death of your father in the family and your siblings, and it was heavy. And i said to you, what was it like to have a sad, depressed mother . And did you find it was a burden to have to cheer your mother up . And you kind of stopped. And you said, how do you know how to ask this . And i said, because my mother was depressed. She was very sad. She lost her mr whhe w she had really grown up in difficult circan d d owing up i life than to sit with my mother, d out it and entertaerand the wayn her is i would do impressions of all the mothers and fathers in my neighborhood and all the conversations i heard in her house. Stephen sure. And i also realized when i went into therapy, that this was a tremendous burden. I only wanted to make my mother laugh. Stephen thats sort of like why you were doing your show . I think the reason i got into radio is my father was not a very emotional guy or we didnt share a lot of personal moments together. But my father was a radio engineer and later became a recording engineer. And when he worked in that business, he was the guy who would set up the microphones and record some of the greatest voice people raymond burr, he would do commercials he would do tennessee tuxedo cartoons, with larry storch, who was a great comedian, don adams, and the way my father wod look at performers, i said, oh, thats how you get my