Was playing possum and trampled the president s son. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, trouble in poll land. Plus, stephen welcomes beto orourke and billy porter featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen wooo hi delightful. Hey, everybody how you . Thanks, everybody. Welcome. Welcome, one and all, to the late show. Im your hteph colbert. Folks, heres something both joe biden and donald trump were in iowa campaigning yesterday, so happy new Election Year my resolution is to never learn who John Hickenlooper is. laughter biden and trump were super catty about each other in each of their speeches when they were talking. It was like high school, which for these two guys minute learning to read off slate tablets between harvests. Single, oneroom schoolhouse. Biden applause biden attacked trump for acting unpresident ial. Donald trump, the president of the United States, just spent saturday night attacking private citizens, using language like little Donny Deutsch and total loser. Barack obama wouldnt do that. No president would do that. Most teenagers wouldnt d0 that. Teenagers dont spend their saturday nights watching Donny Deutsch. cheers and applause i might have. I might have. Also, nice she throw out there, throw your old boss out there, managed to slip obama into that sentence somehow. In fact, the only President Biden seemed to mention more than donald trump was barack obama. My granddaughter, who is graduating from high school, and her best friend is sasha obama. Afterward no, theyve been in School Together the whole time. So, barack and i and jill and the whole family, we got together afterwards to have a little light lunch and dinner for the families that all these these girls grew up together with. Stephen we get it. You know barack obama. We understand. We concede that. At this point, you should change your slogan to biden 2020 obama 2012 applause when he wasnt talking about barack obama, biden made some pretty Wild Campaign promises. I promise you, if im elected president , youre going to see the single most important thing that changes in america. Were going to cure cancer. Stephen okay, that would be great. That would be great. It touched his life. Its touched so many lives. But, please, if you can cure cancer, could you do that now . Because people might, might lets not hang this. President or no president , people might vote for a candidate who promises to cure cancer, but they would definitely vote for the guy whos already done it. Now on the other side of the state eye dont know which side, but in iowa, at an ethanol plant, trump reminded farmers of the moment when he, trump, reversed some of obamas water regulations. They took your land. Away. If you had a puddle in the middle of the field, they considered it a lake. The rules, the regulations made it impossible. And i signed that. And behind me, i had Home Builders and farmers mostly, and ranchers. And many of them never cried in their lives, including when they were born, and they were crying. laughter stephen what does he have against Human Emotion that he considers it a weakness for male babies to cry . as trump im telling you people who have never shed a tear in their lives, im telling you, as soon as i became president , started balling, wherever i go. The toughest people youve ever seen, theyre weeping. These people, these men are weeping. Theyre muttering, why . How could you let this happen, god . thats how much they love me. Later, at a fundraiser, trump posed an interesting question. Despite our amazing success, the Democrat Party has never been angrier. Theyre so angry. Did you ever see a people so angry . For what . Stephen ill give you a hint. laughter what has two thumbs and is destroying democracy . cheers and applause see, its possible i dont know if any of you noticed jon but some people dont like donald trump, which may be why, in a new National Quinnipiac poll, biden leads trump by 13 points. 13. cheers and applause 13. Thats not that 13. That is a lead that is so big, its ready for a bar mitzvah. And its not just biden. In the poll, sanders beats trump by nine points, harris wins by eight points, warren beats him by seven, buttigieg and booker both beat him by five. cheers and applause and, and, somehow and somehow, bill de blasio still loses by 137 . laughter let me remind you. Right now, the sitting president of the United States, the leader of the free world, is trailing the mayor of south bend, indiana. Its like the heavyweight champ applause thats like the heavyweight champ being knocked out by your cousin who claims he knows karate. Come at me, bro. For i know karatay. I could kill you with one toe. Would you like to find out which one . Harder to do than i thought. But trump is not concerned, tweeting, the fake news has never been more dishonest than it is today. Thank goodness we can fight back on social media. Their new weapon of choice is fake polling, sometimes referred to as suppression polls they suppress the numbers. Had it in 2016, but this is worse dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot the fake corrupt news media said they had a leak into polling done by my campaign which, by the way and despite the phony and neverending witch hunt are the best numbers we have ever had. They reported fake numbers that they made up and dont even exist. We will win again laughter wow, that was applause let me get this straight. So they suppress numbers, but first they made up the numbers, and the numbers dont even exist. Can you imagine trump giving an alibi . as trump it couldnt have been me, officer. I was asleep the whole time. Plus i was at work. The crime didnt occur, and i dont exist smoke bomb im gone. cheers and applause so the polls look bad for trump, but, i dont know. Can i trust them . Ive been hurt before. My psyche is still processing the feelings from Election Night 2016, and my livers still processing the bourbon. laughter dare i love again . Oh, who am i kidding . I cant stay mad at you, polls. You had me at trumps losing. applause trump talked about his polling this afternoon in a press avail with the president of poland, andre duda. Which is why we at the late show are declaring this andre duda day. laughter anyway, trump was asked about all of his bad polling. Are you concerned with your internal polling as it relates to joe biden . No, because we have great internal polling. There were fake polls that were released by somebody that is its ridiculous. No, we are winning in every single state that weve polled. Stephen yes, they are winning in every state theyve polled delusiana, chaossachusetts, and denialvania. laughter then he made what was, even for donald trump, a bizarre claim. The strongest ive ever been is exactly today. Stephen not sure not sure id be bragging about that. as trump im 72, i shamble, i only eat garbage food. And i promise you this im at my absolute peak. Then, trump recalled the good times he recently had in europe, and his speech over there to commemorate dday. I just had an incredible time. That speech was special from the standpoint of the people of poland, and i know it was considered a very important speech. I could say it, but i dont wanna say it. But some people said it was the best speech ever made by a president in europe. Stephen as trump it was the best speech ever by the president in europe. I dont wanna say it, but i gotta say it, because if i dont say it, no one will have ever said it. cheers and applause invert the polarity, and the thing like that, and you have. Karatay. Later in the duda day, the leaders held a joint press conference, and in honor of the event, trump did his hair and eyebrows in neon highlighter. laughter while talking about americas relationship with poland, we learned something new about donald trump. We are committed to further expanding commerce based on fairness and reciprocity perhaps my favorite word. Stephen as trump reciprocity perhaps my favorite word. I cant wait to spell it wrong im thinking maybe recipe city. or raisinbranity. one reporter asked trump about a letter trump received from kim jongun, and trump wasnt very forthcoming. He just wrote me a nice letter. Unexpected. Some day you will see what was in that letter. Some day you will be reading about it. Maybe in 100 years from now, maybe in two weeks. Who knows . Stephen you know you you actually know donald trump would be the worstever comcast technician. as trump yeah, hi. Ill be at your apartment sometime between 2 00 p. M. And the next century. Who knows . When trump had cheers and applause Comcast Comcast do they own this network . They dont. When trump had to choose a reporter to ask the next question, he just couldnt decide. Who do i like . Nobody stephen what a coincidence. Nobody is also who likes you weve got a great show for you tonight. Beto orourke is here. But when return, the scandal in local weather this is a hot one. Stick around. When you get right down to it. Freedom is the ability to go where you wanna go. And do what you wanna do. So. What do you wanna do . The 2019 jeep compass. Roam free. Stop fearing your alarm clock. With zquil pure zzzs. A drugfree blend of botanicals with melatonin that supports your Natural Sleep cycle so you can seize the morning. Zzzquil pure zzzs. Wherever you are. Whatever youre craving. And whenever youre craving it. Doordash has the restaurants you want. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. Cheezcombination of thecrunch withying cheese. With their delicious perfection cheese. Its not all about you cheese. You think i have a mouth. Im a wheel of cheese. Got a point. [yeah] cheezit. Cheesy, crunchy satisfaction. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody welcome back. Give it up for jon batiste and stay human right over there. Give it up for the band jon yeah stephen jon, you know who is going to be out here in just a moment, sitting right there. Do you want to guess his name . Jon beto orourke. Stephen beto orourke is going to be sitting right over there. Running for president of the United States. Jon yes stephen and hes going to sit over there. He might stand up here to talk for a while. Jon thats what i was going to say. Stephen he likes standing on things. The guy has tremendous balance. Jon oh, my goodness. Stephen i bet he knows karatay. Folks, personal question. Are there any weather fans out there . applause yeah. Well, im sorry to say i have some troubling news. Not all is well in the world of weather. Theres controversy involving wics, springfield, illinois, news leader. They were told by their corporate owners that every time theres any bad weather everything from a tornado to a light drizzle they had to announce it to their viewers with the graphic code red. The theory behind the code red is that its exciting, its grabbing, and more people would keep watching if you scare them until their pants are at code brown. Heres the thing, though. Its not at all informative. So viewers complained to the station with thousands of comments on social media, letters to the editor, frequent calls to local talk radio shows. Wow. Does this town consist entirely of old people . laughter dear television, i dont like the Weather Forecast changed. Also, lorna doones are too pointy laughter enter our hero, wics meteorologist and norse god of beige, joe crain. Crain was the weatherman there. Crain heard the calls of the people and went on air to take a stand. We want you to know, its not us. This is a corporate initiative, the code red alert. And behind the scenes, many of us have tried to dissuade it for the last few months, to try Something Else thats less controversial to the viewers. So, keep in mind, despite the fact that this facility is owned by a corporation, its still licensed under the authority by the federal Communications Commission to serve the public interest, convenience, and necessity. So you still have a voice. Keep those cards and letters coming. Stephen oh, snap a call to action against his own company this is like if network was about the weather guy. I want you to get up right now, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell, im as wet as hell, and im not gonna forget my umbrella any more cheers and applause where is my tony wheres my tony, cranston crains bold stand actually did have an impact, because the station agreed to replace code red. But like all revolutionaries, he paid a price, because as of today, joe crain is out of his job at wics. This is an injustice and, ironically, its the one instance where it would be good to have a code red. With joe crain gone, the problem of scaring people about the weather isnt getting any better. Just look at wicss new weatherman. Hello springfield, im trip dipler with your fiveday kathycast. It look likes we have light rain headed into tuesday so pack an umbrella and make your peace with god. Later tonight, temperatures will dip, so weve got an apocalypse advisory. If you go outside youll be engulfed in icecolded tongues of flames, and your children will forget the sound of your voice. Over to otis for sports. The warriors are coming flee stephen well be right back with beto orourke. And i boarded the plane touched down in the land of the delta blues in the middle of the pouring rain then im walking in memphis walking with my feet ten feet off of beale then im walking in memphis walking in memphis but, do i really feel the way i feel . And reverend green, glad to see you when you havent got a prayer youve got a prayer in memphis memphis then im walking in memphis walking in memphis the 2019 nissan kicks. Hey, you wanna shoot me one . Steady the elbow. Oooh. Amateur. Someone show him how its done. Ahh boom shaka laka. Feisty. Ahh dangerously cheesy. band playing cheers and applause cheers and applause . Stephen hey, welcome back, everybody all right. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is a former threeterm congressman from texas who currently running for president of the United States. Please welcome beto orourke be thankful for another day and hopeful for tomorrow tomorrow stephen welcome back to the show. Thank you for having me back. Stephen nice to see you again. The last time you were here you were running for senate in texas, if people dont remember, against ted cruz. And you did not win that one. You did not win that one. What made you go, okay, didnt get senate. Lets go for the brass ring here . And go for president of the United States. Very exciting campaign. Right. Stephen but you did not win that one. Does this one seem easier to you . laughter . Definitely not. You know, in texas, we got to be something or be part of something just extraordinarily special. A state that had been 50th in voter turnout. So it wasnt a red state. It was a nonvoting state. Turned out at record levels. Young voter turnout and early voting was up 500 . We won more votes than any democrat has in the history of the state of texas. Stephen it was very close, 2. 6 which in texas applause . We didnt win our race, but we helped others win their races. Colen elred, democrats replacing republicans, helping to flip the house of representatives. 17 African American women. applause 17 African American women elected to judicial positions in harris county, literally change the face of criminal justice in that community. applause d wha think i took from that is that we got to be part of a movement. And in a movement of people who were brought in to our democracy, a democracy that has been badly broken, captured, crumented by special interests and corporations. This grassroots, peoplepowered campaign, didnt take a dime from a single pac, represents the kind of movement that it will take to defeat donald trump in 2020, and then bring this country together again in 2020. applause so that was that was what i took from it. Stephen now, there have been some polls, which im sure youve seen, there are some polls im sure youve seen, that 60 of Texas Democrats want you to run against senator cornyn, because hes not particularly popular in texas right now. And you have a chance of beating him. Why not go for that . You already know how to run for senate. Why go why gear up this other thing instead of, you know, taking the next chop at cornyn . I just think given where we are in this country, this moment of truth on everything that you can care about, will we be up to the challenge of confronting Climate Change before its too late . Will we be able to extend health care to every single american . Will we insure that our democracy, under attack by powers from without the country, under attack by our very president , can we save it . I want to be in the most consequential position to make sure that i do everything i can for to deliver for this country. So i want to run to serve as president of the United States. And i want to do so in a way that brings people in, that fixes our democracy, that insures that were not defined by our differences but instead by our ambitions and the work that were willing to do in order to achieve them. So thats what has moved me and amy and our family to make this decision. And ill say this for texas there are going to be some extraordinary candidates running to oppose john cornyn. One m. J. Hager, a combat candide. An extraordinary if shes the nominee, she will defeat him. There are others who are running who may have just as good a chance. Texas is finally turning out. Our democracy works. Were going to have a democrat representing that state in the United States senate after 2020. applause . Stephen that will be fascinating to see because texas has been on the cusp of turning for so long. Right. Stephen if im not mistaken correctly, obviously, if im wrongue are one of the candidates in favor of starting impeachment havingsesses, or impeachment proceedings against President Trump. Am i correct in that . Yes. applause stephen but if that actu