Show with Stephen Colbert tonight stephen welcomes Sarah Jessica parker, pete holmes and musical guest jack black featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city its Stephen Colbert applause . Stephen hey, everybody, please have a seat, everybody. Youre very kind. Hey, everybody, whats going on. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the late show, everybody, im your host, stefer encolbert, everybody, everybody, everybody is still talking about yesterdays unprecedented white house immigration, was it immigration bipartisan summit. Why did donald trump let them keep the cameras on . People are speculating that President Trump was just trying to show that he could do his job. I may not be a real president , but i play one on tv. Oh, im also the real president . Wow. Trump clearly considered it a success because today he did it again with his cabinet meeting. And listen to how he kicked things off. Welcome back to the studio. Stephen youre not in a studio laughter thats the actual white house we cant believe it either. Then he waxed eloquently about yesterdays meeting. Actually, it was reported as incredibly good and my performance, some call it a performance, i consider it work. But got great reviews. Stephen yes, this not a performance got great reviews. Variety raved prez inks boffo deport deal nix mex kids. The u. S. A. Today said the role trump was born to play sitting down. And essence gushed its 2018, how come there are no black people in this . Then trump had a strong message for the media. Youre welcome. Im sure the ratings were fantastic. They always are. Which is why i think the media will ultimately support trump in the end because theyre going to say if trump doesnt win in three years, theyre all out of big. Jon stephen yes, trump says the media will be out of business without trump. Colbert says, colberts fine with that. applause . Stephen of course trump is still fuming about the release of Michael Wolffs tellall fire and fury. I had not seen him get this angry about a book since he finished the monster at the end of this book. You read the whole thing, turns out its just grover, fake news. And in response to this momentary aggravation he has a modest plan to destroy the first amendment. We are going to take a strong look at our countrys libel laws so that when somebody says something that is false and defamiliar tore about someone, that person will have meaningful recourse in our courts. Cant say things that are false, knowingly false and be able to smile as money pours into your bank account. Stephen okay, okay, strong point. Strong point. You cant say things that are false knowingly false and profit from it. Thats interesting. I believe we have a rebuttal. It was the Biggest Electoral College win since ronald reagan. I am the least antisemitic person you have seen in your entire life, the least racestist person. Nobody qutd respects more than i do. I guarantee i have a vok ar lear better than all of them. He referred to my hands as small, Something Else must be small. I guarantee you there is no problem. I guarantee you. Stephen all right. Well let history decide. Trump, trump said this was really about protecting our national values. Our current libel laws are a sham and a disgrace and do not represent American Values or american fairness. Stephen and who knows more about american fairness than the man who was born a millionare and became president by losing the popular vote. But applause but before trump puts together these new libel laws in place i just want to say donald trump is the illegitimate love child of a racei manatee and a deflated ba be loo. Done alt trump set fire to the hindenburg and once told me on the record he enjoyed the movie suicide squad. See you in court. But trumps immigration telethon may have been pointless after all because last night a federal judge in San Francisco temp regard leigh blocked trumps decision to end the daca program. Yeah, quite surprising. Did not see that coming. Jon wow. Stephen i did not see that coming. Trump got daca blockaed. And he was shockaed. Tweeting it just sow shows everybody how brocken and unfair our court system is when Opposing Side in a case always runs to the ninth circuit and almost always wins before being reversed by higher courts. Is there a Single Institution in America Donald trump has faith in. Courts are broken. Fbi is a disgrace. The white house is in chaos, have you read fire and fury, im terrified. Nobody is in charge there. But trump has no one to blame but himself. In this decision trump actually cited trumps own tweets including this one from september. Does anybody really want to throw out good, educated and accomplished young people who have jobs, some serving in the military. Oh, i know that one. You do. Yeah. Just check on your hand. The answer is written down. applause looking at trumps tweets the judge concluded we seem to be in the unusual position where in the ultimate authority over the agency, the chief executive, publicly favors the very program the agency has ended. Hes right, on immigration trump has two personalities. Hes dr. Jekyll and mr. Hide amigo, immigration is here of course get down. And the white house is working overtime to make it look like trump is working any time. Every day his staff puts out the president s schedule and it is packed with important and very real meetings like todays discussion with Prime Minister erna solberg of normay. Now thats obviously a mistake. Erna . That is not a name. Irma ernie, Something Like that, this could be a simple typo that went overlooked by an Alarming Number of people which for thissed a mrgs is perfectly normay. Or the answer could be this, im hoping this is the case, that to avoid International Incidents his staff is now making up fake countries for the president to meet with. Sir, youre meeting with the Prime Minister of normay followed by swemen. And denmork, really, all the countries of scandilabia. Then you have a phone call with the Vice President of afghamblebamble. Lunch with the 3r50eu78 of franch, and we have to prep you for your upcoming summit in the democratic republic of condo. He could still mess things up though. Jon he probably will. Stephen even if they are fake countries we could end up being bombed by north korena. Also today, today . Today democrats on the Senate ForeignRelations Committee issued a report about russias worldwide election meddling, it is an in depth followup to their initial report, yeah, they did it. And shockingly, shockingly no, thank you. And shockingly the democrats report is critical of donald trump. They say while russia is actively planning to meddle in our next election, never before has a u. S. President so clearly ignored such a grave and growing threat to u. S. National security. That is not true. Obama saw this trump guy coming and did nothing. Just let them applause let them. Jon i dont know if he did that, i dont know. Stephen oh, what am i doing. Congratulations are in order because today is Jared Kushners birthday. I cant believe hes already 14. laughter i dispt get him anything. What do you get the man who cant do everything . It turns out you get him another job because we just learned that in addition to all the other white house duties kushner wants to overhaul americas prison system. Hmmmm. I wonder why he suddenly is so interested in prison conditions. applause guys, from now on i think prison cells should come with a tunnel to the outside for safety, in case of a fire or something. And oh also, a better wine selection. Now if you do go to prison, jared, done worry, quirk tip, on your first day walk up to the biggest guy in the yard and marry his daughter. Meanwhile, everybody still talking about kushners archenemy and formerly starving prospector whose partner is missing, steve bannon. Yesterday was reported that steve bannon lost his job at breitbart, which shocked me. You can lose your job at breitbart . Theyre casual friday is a klan hood. But he had to go because his billionaire backers and the trump base had turned on him and im being told that we have obtained footage of the moment bannon learned he was fired. Let me explain, no no i didnt no, no stephen i love a happy ending. cheers and applause . Stephen weve got a great show for you tonight, Sarah Jessica parker, sjp is here. When we return i talk white house secrets with melania trump. Dont go away. In life. And in water. Choose the cleaner, better tasting world of brita. Choose the filtered life. Coming at you with my brandnew vlog. Just making some ice in my freezer here. So check back for that followup vid. This is my cashew guy bruno. Holler at em, brun. Kicking it live and direct here at the fountain. Should i go habanero or maui onion . Should i buy a chinchilla . Comment below. Did i mention i save people 620 for switching . Chinchilla update got that chinchilla after all. Say what up, rocco. Say what up, rocco. This is Google Home Mini. Its the Google Assistant for your house, so it gets you. If you mumble. mumbling it gets you. If you talk like this add worcestershire sauce to my cart. It still gets you. Ok, adding now. And if youre like hey google, play my love playlist. truly madly deeply by Savage Garden plays oh really . Play my love playlist. pony ginuwine plays oh yeah. It also knows the difference between you and him. Its Google Home Mini and the rest of the google home family. We cantwhy . Y here flat toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you. avo charmin ultra strong. It cleans better. Its four times stronger and you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. Feel the power of thenew power. Smax. To fight back theraflus powerful new formula to defeat 7 cold and flu symptoms. Fast. So you can play on. Theraflu expressmax. New power. Stephen jon batiste and stay human, right there, ladies and gentlemen applause . Stephen check it out. Jon, you know what i am excited about . Jon whats that. Stephen im excited about our friend John Dickerson this morning started as part of the team at cbs this morning with nora and gayle, congratulations, john, hes going to be great. You know what i am looking forward to, folks . Tonight im looking forward to a special performance by jack black in character, yeah. Thats how i felt. That is exactly how i felt. Jon big jack. Stephen as young levon from his new netflix movie the polka king, i know what you are thinking, there is already too much polka on latenight television. But you want to see this one. As i was talking about before, everyone is still talking about the white house tellall book, fire and fury, inside the Trump White House because of claims in here that during the campaign no one believed trump would win and they didnt want him to. In fact t says that on Election Night melania was in tears and not of joy. First ladies, theyre just like us. Now the white house has vehemently denied everything in this book and melanias spokesperson said she supported her husbands decision to run for president. She was confident he would win and was very happy when he did. Adding the book is clearly going to be sold in the bargain fiction section. Right alongside Stephen Colberts midnight confessions. So is anything, anything in wolffs book true . To tell us, please welcome the first lady of the united states, melania trump. Maam, im sorry, where were you . Not digging, no, no, no. Stephen now madame first lady, thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me, stefer en. Stephen so is anything in this book true . Absolutely not, stephen. It is pure fiction, fake book, every single word is lie. Stephen so you didnt cry on Election Night. Oh, no, no, that is true. But they were tears of happiness. You know, like you do at your wedding or every morning in the mirror. Stephen well, it sounds like you cry tears of joy a lot. No, not always. Sometimes i have a dead eyed stare of contentment. Stephen now is it true as the book claims that everybody who knows trump calls him an idiot. Not everybody. One of the grand children cant even talk yet. Eeh laughter . Stephen okay. Well, what about the claim that you and your husband sleep in separate rooms. That is a lie. I havent slept since the election. laughter . Stephen okay, how about the claim in this become that your husband likes to be in bed by 6 30 with a cheeseburger. Oh t is true. That is why we dont share a room there is no face for me with cheeseburger. Which is why i always make sure there is cheeseburger. laughter thank you for your service. Stephen maam, maam, and, maam maam, maam, its a family show. Oh, oh, oh. Stephen and the book says that even before your husband ran for president you and he would go days without seeing each other and even when you were both in trump tower. Oh, trump tower, so many good hiding places. laughter did you know i can fit my entire body inside a wine fridge . Stephen no, i didnt know that. Yes, its true, you can make room by moving the wine into your stomach. Stephen now the book stay hydrated. The book also says that you are so absent that staff referred to ivanka as the real wife. Oh yes, but the staff has all sorts of funny nicknames for us. They call me flight risk. Stephen oh really, and why do you call you that . Mrs. Trump . I forgot my spoon. Stephen melania trump, everybody. Well be right back with Sarah Jessica parker applause new puppy . New food at petsmart, weve got you covered. 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Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is an Emmy Awardwinning actress and fashion icon. She currently stars in divorce on hbo. I have no idea why you have three putters. And i am not an narcissist, i know because i read the book and i took the quiz. And yet you still thought it was about you. Oh my gosh. No, im not doing this with you. Im not doing it. Okay. You shaved your moustache. I did. It looks good. Yeah, cuz your face lookses, you know, like less. Is that a compliment . That sounds like a semicompliment. It is. Stephen please welcome Sarah Jessica parker. cheers and applause its. Its hard it to shall im all turned around because this is my first time here. Stephen this is the first time we have had a chance to talk. In the new. Stephen i had your husband on before you and i have never been on stage together before. Correct n frob of other people. Stephen and dave had his desk over there. Yeah so im all. Stephen the whole thing is discome bob lated. Yeah. Stephen i love this outfit. Thank you, you can have it when were done. Stephen i dont think i have the hips for it. I think you might. Stephen what i like is that it kind of has got sort of a very subdued like sort of french, like, 19th Century School master look to it. But its got all this glamor and sparkle to it t is really wonderful. Its how you seduce the school children, its how you hypnotize. Stephen which was legal back then. Everything was legal back then. Stephen but youre a fashion icon yourself because of sex the city. Okay. Stephen which, you know, obviously applause . Stephen no, its true. Yeah s that nice . What a fantastic feeling. It hypnotizes shall doesnt it. Stephen you are lacking up there because you dont want to ask me to ask i if there say sex and the city 3. Speak into my good ear. Stephen im not going to ask you that because everybody will ask you if there is a sex the city 3 and i would just ask you, what part would i play. Oh, well theres an opening. Stephen well, really, really . I mean aim know not. Stephen who do i have to act like . What would my character be like. According to very recent documentation of why were not making it. Stephen yeah. Its because the part usually played by kim cattrell has been vacated. So that is what i mean that perhaps you want to play samantha. Stephen im kind of like, a little slutty, kind of fun. Know we were in abu dhabi. Stephen you were fun, remember, was that the second movie. Yes, we were a lot of fun in a blew dabbee. No, we werent allowed in a you boo dabbee, we shot in morocco. Stephen pretending to be a beu dabi. Yes, abudabai i think the word sex in the script, the title page, sincerely, i think was objectionable, just the title of the show or the movie was verbotin. Im just guessing but maybe things have changed. I mean there has been progress. Stephen you think if we named it drunk white happy lady. We did think of that, but we tried to. Stephen and afterwards they go aha . Well, i dont want to take credit for any of the obfiscation that was plotted but im just saying that there was some thought about finding a more palatable way to tell the truth. Stephen arent we all. Arent we all looking for that on a daily basis. But this was back in the day when truth matters, you know, where you hung your hat on honor. Stephen there was such a thing, my apologies. You know, honor and principle and just good oldfashioned reliable. Stephen fact checking. The new show on hbo is called divorced and you have been married for 20 years to the lovely and talented matthew broderick. applause yeah, give it up for matthew broderick. When. Did you call him lovely and talented. Stephen is he love leigh and talented. We sung and danced tok on this stage. Hes of much more time with you than i have. Stephen were not done. You know you have been married to him for 20 years so doing a show on divorce is that like, you know, like trying outlining a fantasy camp . Like what is it for you . What is it like to do a show about vons when are you not a divorced person . It is well, it is a nice way to learn that you would rather not divorce because its not pleasant. It turns out that divorce is unpleasant. I dont i mean i dont, to be honest, it doesnt really affect what happens in my home. But i think it in some ways is sort of a sub versive i dont know, it seems sort of supportive in marriage in a strange way to talk about divorce and to examine it and to see what, you know, sort of how incredibly complicated and unpleasant and devastating, awful, often. I dont know, it just seems maybe easier just to stay married . Stephen until its not. I guess, yes, but maybe the things that dont like the things that bother you that dont matter, maybe they actually dont platter. And maybe therefore this is you understand, you know, i mean thats really what i am saying is, that dont get divorced unless you really are bothered by the things that dont matter. You understand. Stephen before you get marry imagine the thing you like least about this person, multiply it by ten and think could i take 50 years of that, and i did that with my wife and i went got t im in, 100 percent and i was totally right, 25 years in. Yeah. Stephen i think i got this one. You guys are at 25 years. Stephen 25 years are this fall. Very impressive. Stephen yeah, yeah. Yeah. So you know, yes, you find that you have a fairly high threshhold for the things that, you know eh. Stephen yeah, have a high threshhold for pain, that is the right thing for a marriage. You have been performing, how old when you first started performing. I was eight. Stephen wow. Yeah, i was eight. Stephen my Research People found something here and i dont know whether you know they found. This but they found that in 1983 you gave an interview it said actress 18 has some regrets. I am regretful that they gave my age in 1983, that is what a regret. Stephen get out your calculators. Now 18 year old singer and actress who now lives in she missed prom. You never went to prom. Its true. Stephen and so why . Well, you know why, actually, because i was shooting foot loose. I was shooting a prom scene while missing my very own prom. Yes, and in fact, the fellow that i was going to attend prom with who i guess could say was pie boyfriend, he was, yeah, he was he was crowned prom king. He knows who he is. His name is. Stephen prom king. His first name is david. Stephen king david. Yea yes, yes. And i intuited big things for him. And in fact he was prom king. And i think got a scholarship for college too, like a lot of good. Stephen he got a scholarship for promming he went pro. I think he stopped by, he stopped by my parents on the way to the prom and i think they brought my dress out on a hanger to show him what i would have worn. And i think it was like a sort of canteloupecolored silk, either like a gunny sack or a laura ashley, you know dressment and i think about it now and it was like superchaises, like really covered, like really covered. Like very proper. Stephen i heard that you never went to prom. I didnt go to prom. Stephen so i was wondering if you would go to prom with me. Well, of course, on behalf of all the millions of americans. Thank you. Oh, how lovely. Stephen hold on, we need a prom photo. Thank you. Stephen which side w oh, i dont care as long as you can see, this what is a prom photo typically like. Oh, you know what, i should be like shouldnt it be like oh my gosh. My mike, ready . Is it this way . Season 2 of divorced sunday on hbo. Sarah jessica parker, everybody. Well be right back with pete hold msz. I tried hard to quit smoking. But when we brought our daughter home, that was it. Now i have nicoderm cq. 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Hm . Well h r block more zero lets you file online for free even if you itemize deductions. Turbotax doesnt do that. Oh man. At this point, it kind of just seems like you hate money. Yikes that was not me. I think somebody touched something. Unlike turbotax, h r block more zero lets you file online for free, even if you itemize deductions. A more free way to file. Get your taxes won. Cbs presented by target. Art and history spark connections across cultures, igniting curiosity, conversation, and inspiration. Thats why target supports the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco. The asian museum is here to make asian arts and culture relevant. The reality is we all have a story to tell. Its what makes us who we are. Cbs eye on the community is sponsored by target. Stephen hey, welcome back to the show, everybody. My next guest is a standup comedian who created and stars in hbos crashing. I would love it, i could use some help, obviously. I work in an ice cream shop. I just actually heard some of the guys were talking about colbert is looking for writers f we could submit i would love to submit a smitions. Yeah, we can submit. You know those guys . No, but im good at guessing emails, you know, you just kind of watch the credits, take a crack at it, Stephen Colbert colbert. Com, you know, look who the producer is at colbert. Com, try the gmails,ia huais, you go back to hotmail sometimes if we need to. Sometimes they just have a. Me. Stephen please welcome pete holmes. applause . Stephen hey, good to see i gefn. Are you worried . Stephen what. That we just leaked your email . Stephen not at all. Why would i have an email that easy to find. Good to see you again. Its wonderful to be here. Stephen the last time you were here you just you had got engaged. Got engaged, that is what it is. Stephen in a way that was both interesting, exciting and terrifying, right, hot air balloon. Hot air balloon. I dont know why i looked to you, hot air balloon. You know what to do. Yeah, and now im married. Look, im a married person. Stephen congratulations. Thank you very much. Stephen congratulations. Thats why i have a suit. Stephen oh, really. This is the suit i got married in. Stephen really. Two months ago. Still fits. Stephen i am a big fan of being married. How it is working out now. It does feel different we are let urge kal creatures, i think you can appreciate that. Stephen was it a traditional wedding . You are a comedian s your wife a comedian . My wife is not a comedian. I will say a lot of my comedian friends are antimarriage. I am glad to know you were promarriage. Stephen i was the first of my comedic friends to get married it was just not done, man. Yeah, were like carneys. Stephen a. A lot of my friends that are antimarriage are protattoo. Yes. Yes. Anticipating where the joke is going, that is what i want. They are protest i dont know, man. I dont know how you can make a commitment like that. laughter im like you have the word sub lime on your neck in old english. Every Job Interview you go to that will be stairing them in their face, theyre going to be thinking oh forever, the worst sub sz lime song. Stephen so comedy friends, comedy toasts . Because those can be hazardous . Yeah. You never know. We had some good toasts, john melany, friend of this ver program. Stephen lovely fellow. Gave a lovely toases and some of the amateurs did toasts which is a mean thing tho say about my college roommate. He was great. But my mother had had a few slippery american cocktails and this is true. She heckelled at my wedding. She heckled the people giving toasts . Stephen yes. So my roommate is up there, i have known pete for you dont say pete, you always say this guy. Ive known this gi and my mom is in the back going sit down, youre ruining it. laughter . Stephen i like your mom. Yes, you have my mom on. Stephen i would love to have your mom on. Irenea. Stephen she would be great. Next time you come are you booked. You are going to live to ru erck the day because she is going to northbound the front row ruining my monologue. Sit down youre ruining it. Give the president a chance laughter no, no she is not a monster. laughter she has her limits. I was excited to do my one political joke, i only have one political joke. Stephen please. Can i tell it to you. I think mike pence looks like the clear gumi bear, is that i think thats why he doesnt want to be alone in a room with a woman. Too delicious. Thats it. That is why i dont do political stuff. Stephen so marriage for two months. Two months now. Stephen are the family members starting to say like how about the kids what do we have kids . Yeah, we would like to have kids. Stephen yeah . Its a magical thing, sex, i mean. Sorry, it is kind of a crazy thing, were having sex. Now with a purpose, we would like to have a little baby. I dont know if anyone can relate to this. Not sex, i hope you can relate to sex. I know everyone once in a while you meet a person who picked as their personality, i hate kids. Stephen oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what i am talking about t im not interest really an interesting person, so, hate kids and they think that makes them interesting. I am like you cant, are you not allowed. That is us. It is not like another group. Its not like aliens invaded and infested the planet with children, thats just smaller us. And theyre like theyre annoying. Im like yeah, they need help. Do you remember when you were three feet tall and the world was just legs . Feed the kid. Im like are you not allowed to hate kids but they always say yeah, but i wasnt annoying when i was a kid. Im like yes, you were. You know how i know . You are annoying now. laughter so i want to help have kids. Stephen good, im all for trk kids are great, kids are geat. Your wife, she is not a comedian. No. Stephen does she engage, does she like the silly because im married to a noncomedian but she has gotten on board the silly train. Is she a silly billy. Stephen she is now. Not at first at first she is like why are you doing that. That makes no sense. And then i got her on before we were peculiaried. My wife is a very silly billy and i love that. Stephen you are a silly billy, we love colbert christmas, it is maybe our favorite thing. Stephen thank you very much. You guys should be cheering because you that is the best christmas thing there. Is i love it, because like are you is the right mix of sentimental, christmassy and silly. Stephen okay. Val and i are very silly. Sometimes we dont even watch tv. We just play games like we like to play a game we made up call smallest smile. Stephen smallest smile. Smallest smile. Im not playing right nows because just hearing you sated it rye no is giving me the biggest smile. Stephen smallest smile. If the band is paying attention, maybe, joe, could you do like a drum roll because this is how we will play, can he with lay. Stephen sure. Here is how it looks, you look down, come up with a neutral face and then you present your smallest smile. So when i look up well stop the drum roll and i will present my smallest smile. Are you ready . Stephen and clang for a smile. Clang is dealers choice. Here we g smallest smile. Am i out of focus. I dont want to this isnt a nudie pique on c cinemax. Stephen are you in focus here, are you out of to us there. Go, go ahead. laughter . Stephen i like it. Can i try . Can i try . Yes, i want to you try. Stephen okay. applause lovely to see you, im going to Start Playing with that with i my wife, crashing season 2. Pete holmes, everybody. Up next a performance by jack black. applause jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. All because of a burst water pipe in their house that ruined the Hardwood Floors in their kitchen. 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Tell your healthcare professional right away if your depression worsens, or you have unusual changes in mood, behavior or thoughts of suicide. Antidepressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. Do not take with maois. Tell your healthcare professional about your medications, including migraine, psychiatric and depression medications, to avoid a potentially lifethreatening condition. Increased risk of bleeding or bruising may occur, especially if taken with nsaid pain relievers, aspirin or blood thinners. Manic episodes or vision problems may occur in some people. May cause low sodium levels. The most common side effects were nausea, constipation and vomiting. Ask your healthcare professional if its time for a change to trintellix. Tha. Oh, burnton gravy . Ie. Gotta rinse that. Nope. No way. Nada. Really . Dish issues . Throw it all in. Cascade platinum powers through even burnton gravy. Nice. Cascade. Evacumeteor heads toward as a the metro area. 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Stephen and now performing everybody polka, please welcome jack black and the polka king band cheers and applause everybody polka when youre feeling sad everybody polka it will make you glad everybody polka polka all day long everybody polka while you sing this song hey doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, dah doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, dah doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, dah doobee, doobee, doobee dah, dah, dah doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, dah doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, dah doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, dah doobee, doobee, doobee dah, dah, dah doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, dah doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, dah doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, dah doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, dah dah, dah, dah hey hey everybody polka when youre feeling sad everybody polka it will make you glad everybody polka polka all day long everybody polka while you sing this song doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, dah doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, dah doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, dah doobee, doobee, doobee doobee, doobee, doobee dah, dah daaaaaaaaaaah cheers and applause stephen the polka king comes out friday on netflix well be right back. I love you, Stephen Colbert. Number one. Stephen one more time. Again, guys, one, two, three. Stephen thases it for the late show, everybody, join us tomorrow. Stick 5eur7bd for james corden i cant believe we do the whole song again. I cant i think thats enough. I love everybody too much. We going to stop. Hey, how about the band, huh . Number one captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org this is steve. He never thought it could happen to him. Getting fired is somng