For my Robert Mueller. He knows an unstoppable move, f. B. I. Investigation aaahhh ahhh President Trump is running away dont worry, ill go after President Trump and his cronies, ive got to catch em all got to catch them all, pokeemon . Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Stephen welcomes josh gad, Lawrence Odonnell and derek delgaudio, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen whoo cheers and applause band playing absolutely wonderful hey cheers and applause be gentle thank you, ladies and gentlemen. There you go. Welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Im so glad to be with you tonight. So wonderful to be here. cheers and applause because ive been feeling an emptiness, a great void, but it left the country on friday. laughter applause donald trump is on a 13day trip through asia. Fox and friends has one less viewer. laughter on his way to asia, he stopped off in hawaii. Of course, thats obamas home state. Hes very popular there, so people there didnt want to say to trump, aloha. They wanted to say, aloha. laughter look it up. piano riff applause trump flew to a u. S. Airbase outside tokyo to deliver a strong message to americas enemies no one, no dictator, no regime and no nation should underestimate ever american resolve. Every once in awhile in the past they underestimated us. It was not pleasant for them, was it . cheering it was not pleasant. Stephen anyone who messes with us gets whats coming to them. Just ask japan. Whats that . Where am i right now . laughter applause sorry. Oopsy daisy. After that, it was time for trump to meet with japanese Prime Minister and guy who really thought hed be talking to Hillary Clinton right now, shinzo abe. Now, with the north korea situation heating up, japan really needs the u. S. On its side. So abe launched a full friendship offensive. First, he made their b. F. F. Status official by speaking trumps native language hat laughter it says, donald and shinzo make Alliance Even greater. laughter yeah. Thats perfect. We all know, historians know all the best diplomacy was accomplished via head gear. Dont forget the great gear roosevelt gave out at yalta. laughter then the two best friends fed the coy fish at the royal palace. Feeding the koi is a time honored tradition, much like the tea service, wherein the meditation of the movement is resonant with the shinto okay, suck on it, you fat fish. laughter applause there you go. There you go. Pretty good. Then abe really turned on the charm offensive, treating trump to a round of golf then reminding donald about it at that nights reception. When you play golf with someone not just once but for two times, the person must be your favorite guy. Stephen alright, shinzo, leave some of the strokes on the golf course. laughter jon oh clarence thomas. applause stephen and trump has shown concern over Japans National security. When asked about the missiles that north korea has been firing over japan, trump said he didnt get why a country of samurai warriors did not shoot down the missiles. Doesnt have to be a samurai, could be a ninja, a power ranger, godzilla. Mr. Miyagi. laughter wax on, wax off. cheers and applause piano riff meanwhile, remember when we thought george w. Bush was a bad president . chuckles chuckles good times. laughter well, you can relive them now, because theres a new book about w and h. W. , called the last republicans. Seen here looking lovingly at Donald Trumps poll numbers. laughter these two former president s has harsh words for our commander in chief. H. W. Says, i dont like him. I dont know much about him, but i know hes a blowhard. cheers and applause oh, then you know a lot about him. laughter bush, the son, was no kinder, saying of trump, this guy doesnt know what it means to be president. Yes, trumps always out there saying dumb stuff, while george bush is a statesman who gave the nation stirring and dignified words i know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully. laughter stephen say what you will, say what you will. Jon that was a real thing, though. He was speaking the truth. Stephen there has not been a single war with trout since his presidency. laughter applause of course, the white house fired back at the bushes, declaring, if one president ial candidate can disassemble a political party, it speaks volumes about how strong a legacy its past two president s really had. What . Thats like saying, hey, if one affair with a secretary can destroy this marriage, you must not have been a very good wife. laughter but, since trump was overseas and i cant believe im about to say this he was more restrained, saying, ill comment after we come back. I dont need headlines. laughter first of all, you need headlines like you need oxygen. laughter but im surprised hes not firing back. No tweets for 13 days . Hes going to get bluebirds. Dangerous cheers and applause its true. Its real. Its dangerous. applause none of this is helping trumps popularity. He now has the lowest Approval Rating in modern times. Very important. Modern times. In ancient times, things were much worse. Julius caesars Approval Rating was stab, stab, stab. laughter and no one no one no one has summed up the mood of the country better than a cyclist who went viral last week for giving the president s motorcade the finger. cheers and applause long may she wave. Her name is juli briskman, and she just got fired for flipping off trumps motorcade. audience reacts but if you cant give people the finger in traffic, then whats the point of driving . laughter thats how we say hello in new york laughter especially if youre from out of town. Hey, welcome to manhattan laughter now, after this photo went viral, juli reposted it to her own facebook and told her employer, a Government Contractor named akima, l. L. C. , that she was the woman in the picture. In response, they said, were separating from you. Basically, you cannot have lewd or obscene things in your social media. hey, if youre not supposed to be lewd on social media, how come the middle finger emoji comes in five different colors . cheers and applause truly, were living dr. Kings dream. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Josh gad is here but when we come back, is Michael Flynn headed to jail . The answer wont surprise you. Stick around. cheers and applause band playing introducing fast foods first ever ribeye burger made with 100 ribeye beef, fresh spring mix and provalone cheese on a potato bun. Im inviting the whole industry to try it. Of course ill protect their identities. Like this. Try my first ever ribeye burgers. Introducing fast foods first made with 100 ribeye beef, fresh spring mix and provolone cheese on an artisan potato bun. Yep, nailed it come try my new ribeye burgers. Only at jack in the box. cheers and applause band playing Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human right there, everybody cheers and applause cheers and applause jon, good to see ya thanks, everybody please, have a seat. Jon, its good to see ya. House of your weekend . Jon oh, it was nice and easy, man. I was in l. A. Chilling and then i flew over here, and now were here and doing the show. Stephen its nice to be here and doing the show and wonderful to be with these people and these people out there, too. cheers and applause jon yes. Yes, good to be together in these times. Stephen its important to be together. The world is a harrowing place and sometimes you just dont know what to say about it. For instance, i havent the slightest idea how to adequately address the attack in sutherland springs, texas yesterday. People on a sunday going to love and serve the lord gunned down by a mad man with a semiautomatic weapon and body armor. We are 35 days away from the largest mass killing in American History in tha las vegas. Still dont know why that happened if well ever know, or if anyone can ever explain why any of this happens. Everyone is heart broken when this happens, and you want to do something but nothing gets done. No one does anything. And that seems insane. And it can make you feel hopeless. Now, i dont know what to do, but i know hopelessness is not the answer. Jon no, no. Stephen you cannot give up in the face cheers and applause of evil. Nothing gets done about what happened in las vegas, they cant even pass a restriction on gun stocks, those bump stocks that turn a semiautomatic weapon into an almost fully automatic weapon, that died, nobodys talking about that. Nothing gets done to control guns that kill 10,000 people around america, not just in these mass killings. Doing nothing, as i said before, is unacceptable, but its unnatural. Its inhuman. Jon right. Stephen it just goes against our nature. We want to fix things. You want to respond to something terrible like this, not just know but at anytime in human history. 5,000 years ago, if your village had a tiger coming into it every day and was eating people, you would do nothing. You would move the village, build a fence or kill the tiger. You wouldnt say, well, i guess, you know, someones going to get eaten every day because the price of liberty is tigers. Jon no. Stephen you take some action. This hopelessness, this powerfulness you feel when nothing gets done is something you cant give into because i think there are some truly evil people out there who want you to feel pourless just for a buck because if you feel powerless enough, you know what might make you feel more powerful . Buying a gun. Its a vicious cycle. Violence happens, nothing is done to get rid of the guns, people buy guns to protect themselves and more violence out on the street. This guy wasnt supposed to be able to buy a gun but a but he did, because theyre out there on the market, these semiautomatic rifing. Theres one power you must never forget and that is you can go vote in 2018. cheers and applause vote for someone who will do something because this is an active evil and the only thing necessary for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing. applause stephen meanwhile, in lighter news, another member of the Trump Campaign is in trouble for ties to russia. This time, its former Trump National security adviser and guy who just cant get those reporters off his lawn, Michael Flynn. laughter reportedly, special prosecutor Robert Mueller now has enough evidence to bring charges against flynn. cheers and applause honestly, he shouldve seen this coming. I mean, we all remember what flynn said about Hillary Clinton at the r. N. C. Last year. If i a guy who knows this business if i did a tenth, a tenth of what she did, i would be in jail today. Stephen he just got the date wrong. cheers and applause about 14, 15 months off. Now, the Mueller Investigation hasnt just ensnared Michael Flynn. The noose is also tightening around flynns son and hip hop fan who has never listened to the lyrics, Michael Flynn, jr. After it came out that mueller could charge him and his dad, this weekend flynn, jr. Tweeted, the social justice warriors are out in full this morning. The disappointment on your faces when i dont go to jail will be worth all your harassment. Ah, good old unchecked hubris, that always works out. Its like the old story of icarus he and his father flew too close to the sun. And then just kept on flying with their cool new sun tans. You know who else has had a bad week . Papa johns c. E. O. And osmond brother who cant sing, john schnatter. laughter applause last week, daddy schnatter blamed his companys declining sales on the n. F. L. s National Anthem protests, saying the controversy is polarizing the customer, polarizing the country. The n. F. L. Has hurt papa johns shareholders. laughter yeah. People started throwing pizza shade at schnatter, including digiornos, which posted tweets like, us papa johns let us know when you have new pizza, and pizza slice, upwards chart. Them pizza slice, downwards chart. Damn oh that tweets not delivery, its duhevastating laughter cheers and applause piano riff jon i like that yeah stephen by the way, this chart right here, this is how they explain economics to donald trump right there. laughter there hasnt been a digiorno burn that bad since every time a stoner forgot they put one in the oven. laughter but there is one growth demographic for papa johns pizza sales altright White Supremacists who have claimed papa johns as their official pizza. audience reacts im surprised. I thought it would be uncle adolfs master race pizza. You will nazi a better slice. cheers and applause laughter piano riff delicious. But papa john doesnt want that kind of support, saying, we condemn racism in all forms and any and all hate groups that support it. We do not want these individuals or groups to buy our pizza. All right. No, pizza for you, racists. Garlic cheddar knots, however, are up for grabs. Well be right back with josh gad. cheers and applause join us band playing hi, mr. Powers, thanks for calling unitedhealthcare. Hi, i need your help. Ive been trying to find a knee specialist. But nobody has an opening for months uuuggghhh uuurrrggghhh mr. Powers . You cant always control your feelings. I found one innetwork next tuesday. But choosing unitedhealthcare can help you control your care. Thanks, stephanie. I see on your preventive checklist, youre due for a colonoscopy. Its covered at no additional cost to you. Great no green. Unitedhealthcare why . Terrible toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you. Charmin ultra strong. It cleans better. Its four times stronger and you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. Tmobiles unlimited now includes netflix on us. Thats right. Netflix on us. Get 4 unlimited lines for just 40 bucks each. Taxes and fees included. And now netflix included. Discover card. I justis this for real . Match, yep. We match all the cash back new cardmembers earn at the end of their first year, automatically. Whoo i got my money hard to contain yourself, isnt it . Uh huh let it go whoo get a dollarfordollar match at the end of your first year. Only from discover. And i am a senior Public Safety my namspecialist for pg e. My job is to help educate our First Responders on how to deal with natural gas and electric emergencies. Everyday when we go to work we want everyone to work safely and come home safely. I live right here in auburn, i absolutely love this community. Once i moved here i didnt want to live anywhere else. I love that people in this community are willing to come together to make a difference for other peoples lives. Together, were building a better california. cheers and applause band playing stephen ladies and gentlemen thank you, john cheers and applause thank you, john thank you, louis what was that song . Jon a composition i wrote. Stephen beautiful cheers and applause goes, you know my first guest from frozen, beauty and the beast, and the book of mormon. He does a little less singing in murder on the Orient Express. You stole from me thought you would be found out, that is why you killed him yeah. Yeah, youre damn right i stole from him. Thousands. I knew his money wasnt honest. What did it matter if i skimmed some off the top . But let me ask you a question why would i slaughter my cash cow . I didnt do it i didnt kill him stephen i think he did whispering . Please welcome josh gad cheers and applause band playing you totally killed him. Can i just Say Something before we begin in all this . You are so brilliant. I was listening to your speech backstage. cheers and applause amazing what youre doing. Stephen nice of you to say. You know whats brilliant . No, tell me. Stephen olaf from frozen. There he is, flying cheers and applause stephen this is a milestone in an artists career. So few more people landed on their moon than have their own macys thanksgiving day parade balloon. Is that true . Stephen we looked it up. More people have landed on the moon than have their own balloon. Youre thenaut. Im so sorry to n. A. S. A. About this fact. I feel like there needs to be a Stephen Colbert balloon as well would that be weird . Stephen im working on it. You should have one. cheers and applause stephen this year is the first time . This is going to be this year for the first time ever, olaf will be flying in the macys thanksgiving day parade. As a kid, i would watch this all the time, and i was never, like, one day, ill be a snowman, and that snowman will have his own balloon who would have thought that . laughter stephen yeah, if this has never been in the parade before, what are we seeing . I think olaf was just, like, im not gonna wait any longer, im gonna go fly stephen you get to ride in it the whole way. Is this the entire time. Im up there piloting it. This is crazy wow stephen lot of responsibility. Who wants to get knocked out of the parade, bullwinkle, pokeemon pokeemon, after playing the game relentlessly last year and watching your cold opening, i think its time for him to go laughter stephen yeah, probably, probably. So heres the deal, youre olafs voice in frozen. Youve done five other projects. As olaf. Stephen but the sequel hasnt come out yet. Dont you think you would have heard about that if it had come out . Stephen laughter stephen there might have been an ad or two. The sequel nobodys seen. Stephen disney doesnt like to advertise. No, they dont have the money for that. laughter no, were working on it. Stephen what are the other five things . There are all these frozen shorts. One is called olafs frozen adventure in front of cocoa, the pixar movie. Stephen is there a olaf chip in your neck so they can throw a bag over your head and drag you off thats vie whrent. I dont do that. Thats excessive. I do it all the time to my kids. I read constantly to them. I read them frozen. Stephen how old are your children . None of your business. Stephen it makes a difference on whether they are of target age for frozen. 22 and 25, stephen. Stephen really . You look fantastic. 58, broth