Im seth meyers. This is late night. We hope youre doing well. And now if you dont mind, were going to get to the news the Supreme Court ruled today that states cannot keep former President Trump off their ballots because of his alleged involvement in the Capitol Attack in fact, Clarence Thomas said trump could even pick the font [ laughter ] thats right, the Supreme Court ruled that states cannot keep trump off their ballots, which means that the Supreme Court remains the only place where trump can win the popular vote [ laughter ] President Biden met last week with the Prime Minister of italy, i assume to apologize [ laughter ] it wasnt my choice no joke. It wasnt my choice. While learning the white house on friday to travel to camp david, President Biden carried a hard cover copy of the book possible how we survive and thrive in an age of conflict because nothing says im ready to face the issues of a modern world like Walking Around with a hard cover book. [ laughter ] in a new interview, President Biden said hes running for reelection because hes proud of his record and wants to keep it going and because most of the policies hes enacted are just kicking in now and also because in america, even the president doesnt have enough money to retire [ laughter ] former President Trump last week visited the u. S. mexico border and then waved at migrants like he was in a school play and spotted his parents. [ laughter ] what what are you doing [ light laughter ] hello, its me. Thank you. Thank you for inventing queso. [ laughter ] former President Trump said in a new interview that he is, quote, on the side of women, adding, whens the last time biden gave a lady 83 mill . [ laughter ] [ audience oohs when asked if he would vote for former President Trump, utah senator mitt romney said in a new interview, quote, no, no, no, absolutely not, adding, okay, yes. [ laughter ] a man in maine was arrested recently after he allegedly laced a batch of oreo ice cream with thc people became suspicious when they felt good after eating ice cream. [ light laughter ] employees at a thrift store in canada recently discovered a world war ii era grenade in their donations bin. Luckily since it was a thrift store, they were all able to get a fresh pair of pants. [ laughter ] a School District in oklahoma is facing criticism after they allowed High School Students to lick other students toes for a fundraising event [ light laughter ] [ audience oohs to be fair, it was either that or a book fair toelicking it is [ laughter ] and finally, the fast casual chain panera bread announced last week it will add bacon mac and cheese to its menu fast casual is also how you walk to the restroom after eating it. [ laughter ] we heard how much you loved the first joke about crapping your pants. [ laughter ] we figured why not double down [ laughter ] that was the monologue, everybody. [ cheers and applause were a show about the news. Got a great show for you tonight. You know him from no country for old men, inherent vice, and thanos in the marvel movies. Hes hosting snl this week and starting in dune part 2, which is in theaters now josh brolin is back, everybody [ cheers and applause he is a New York Times bestselling author whose Childrens Book pretty ugly is out now. David sedaris will be joining us [ cheers and applause so happy to see him. And her album the glorification of sadness debuted at number one in the uk. Well have music from british singer songwriter paloma faith [ cheers and applause it is going to be a nice night before we get to all that, the Supreme Court ruled today that donald trump can remain on the ballot, overriding a decision by the Colorado StateSupreme Court that declared trump ineligible due to the constitutions ban on insurrectionists Holding Office. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth trump has remained completely unrepentant about the insurrection on january 6th and his attempt to overturn the 2020 Election Results and end american democracy in fact, hes got a new slogan at his rallies, repeating the deranged lie that the 2020 election was rigged. We want a landslide that is too big to rig too big to rig thats what we need. We want a landslide. We have to win we have to win so that its too big to rig too big to rig seth which is he saying it so slowly . [ laughter ] it tells you how little he thinks of his crowd that he pronounces onesyllable words the way i read hop on pop to my 3yearold. [ laughter ] all ball. We all play ball. [ laughter ] big rig too big to rig. [ laughter ] theres a new report out that the Trump White House was awash in drugs, which would make sense because trumps starting to slowly pronounce words like he just took a giant bong rip [ light laughter ] you know whats a funny word . Rig. [ laughter ] it sounds like big. Too big to rig whoa is it just me, or is that windmill spying on us . [ laughter ] i know youre killing birds, windmill one of these days, im going to prove it oh, it just moved. It just moved. [ laughter ] did you guys see that . Also im not making up that story about the drugs. There was a full inspector generals report that the Trump White House was a pill mill and then a new report yesterday that said the Trump White House was just handing out speed and xanax like candy and that story just came and went because theres too much [ bleep ] going on we didnt have time to talk about it us eight years ago. If you told me there would be a story about the white House Pharmacy handing out goody bags full of benzos and amphetamines, i would have figured that would be a week of closer looks. And now my reaction is, we dont have time for that mickey mouse bull[ bleep anyway [ laughter ] back to trump. What would a landslide victory thats too big to rig even look like because youve already claimed that democrats rigged the result in california where you lost by over 5 million votes, just in one state i always hear republicans cant win california you cant win. I will tell you, if god came down and god was the vote checker, i believe we would win. Seth so now you need a landslide thats too big to rig, and you need god to be the vote checker . I doubt god wants anything to do if god came down and counted the votes, im sure youd accuse him of cheating too. I find i find the robe very suspicious, the long the long flowing robe which he wears even in the summer. Even in the summer, a robe you see the videos of him walking into the Voting Center the robe is normal and then he walks out, the robe is bulky. [ laughter ] because hes hiding ballots under the robe, but no one will check the robe because were all too woke now. [ light laughter ] trump is unrepentant about january 6th. In fact, hes worse than unrepentant. Hes turned january 6th into a rallying cry at his campaign events, playing a song by a choir of convicted insurrectionists at a rally in houston, texas, trump entered with a song by the socalled january the 6th choir, a group of inmates detained on charges related to the insurrection and then he called those individuals hostages the former president of the United States stood on a stage and glorified domestic terrorists he made a song with the socalled j6 prison choir yes, that is a real thing, actual january the 6th insurrectionists in prison, singing together trump and his campaign have elevated the socalled j6 choir, a group of prisoners who recorded a version of the National Anthem from behind bars trump played their recording with video images of the violence on january 6th running in the background at the very First Campaign rally of his 2024 campaign. Seth man, these trump rallies [ bleep ] weird. Theyre like half megachurch and half comic con but with way worse merch. I mean put aside [ laughter ] put aside the fact that trump is glorifying a violent insurrection theres nothing id rather listen to less than a choir of adult men singing a parody version of the National Anthem and you know who else would think that sounded [ bleep ] any trump supporter before you told them what it was about. Imagine if i walked into a maga rally saying, want to hear my new National Anthem parody song . I recorded it over prison phone lines. Theyd kick my ass, unless i said, its protrump, in which case theyd beg to know where they could download it im really starting to think these people are hypocrites. [ laughter ] trump again featured a song from the socalled j6 prison choir over the weekend and praised them for being heroes. You heard the hostages singing. That was the hostages. Theyre the j6 hostages, i call them, because they are hostages. Theyre policemen. Theyre firemen. Theyre accountants. Theyre lawyers. Seth i feel like trump only knows jobs that were in a Richard Scarry book. [ laughter ] theyre policemen theyre firemen. And one of them is a little worm who drives an apple to work. But you cant trust him. Hes a lowly worm. But trump continued. Theyre put in jail for extended periods of time, for very long periods of time. Theyre hostages you heard them singing you heard the spirit that they have the spirit is unbelievable that song became the number one song seth this guy is talking about his dumb little novelty song like hes ed [ bleep sheeran. The shape of you is one of the most streamed songs of all time. The shape of trump is, i dont know, drumstick with googly eyes [ laughter ] and that was todays unnecessary use of googly eyes [ light laughter ] give me the googs. [ laughter ] also i cant believe im about to spend time factchecking this, but here it goes it is true that after it debuted, trumps supporters propelled the song to number one on billboards digital song sales chart. But saying it was the number one song is very misleading, given that at the time the track drew 442,000 official streams and 25,000 in Radio Audience compared to Morgan Wallens last night, which drew 38. 9 million streams and miley cyrus flowers, which drew 106. 7 million in airplay audience and by the way, me explaining how music downloads work is why we dont have time to talk about how the Trump White House was handing out ambien like they were tic tacs. [ light laughter ] well played, you sound asleep sons of bitches. [ light laughter ] also just because youre number one in a super spefic category doesnt mean youre number one overall. This show is the number one nbc show in the 12 30 a. M. Time slot [ light laughter ] but if i said late night with seth meyers is the number one show on tv, i think wed get some angry phone calls from the cast of the bear, and i dont want to get in a fight with Jeremy Allen White have you seen that guy without a shirt . [ laughter ] better question, have you seen him with a shirt [ laughter ] did someone steal this mans shirt . [ laughter ] could you give it back because its making some of us feel bad about our beach bodies [ laughter ] so trump is not only unrepentant about january 6th, he openly celebrates it at his rallies and today he got a big assist from the Supreme Court when they ruled he could stay on the ballot despite the 14th amendments ban on insurrectionists the High Court Just said moments ago that mr. Trump can stay on this years president ial ballot in colorado after that state barred him from its republican primary colorado Supreme Court had disqualified mr. Trump under a constitutional provision that bars people who engage in insurrection from Holding Office it doesnt take on and say that donald trump did not engage in insurrection. In other words, the issue of the facts, is he an insurrectionist or not, was not before the court, and they do not in any way that ive seen so far in a quick you know, quick skimming take that on. Seth so the court didnt actually touch the question of whether trump engaged in insurrection of course they didnt. Any rational human who isnt currently a Republican Office holder or member of an insurrectionthemed choir can see with their own eyes or with a pair of googly eyes that it was obviously an insurrection. The court stayed away from that question the same way you react when your wife asks if you think her sister is hot. What . You have a sister . I dont even remember what she looks like. With all that said, im afraid the headlines from this ruling are going to be misleading because on the one hand, the court ruled unanimously that trump can stay on the ballot, which makes it sound like even the liberal justices said no candidate can ever be disqualified for engaging in insurrection but thats not what they said. There was basically a second, much more divided ruling from the courts conservatives that went much further and said only congress can disqualify a candidate. The specific question at hand, did the colorado Supreme Court err in ordering President Trump excluded from the 2024 president ial ballot. Well, that the Supreme Court unanimously agreed as yes. But from there, we see some divisions among the justices where there was that 54 split was in the particulars five of the justices here, the majority, said thats what rules, said that states can unilaterally decide to take president s or any federal officers off the ballot, and instead thats a decision that congress would have to make in the form of legislation to decide which candidates could be disqualified by the 14th amendments socalled insurrection ban seth so basically you have to read the fine print on the ruling to find out just how dangerous and extreme the ruling from the courts conservatives was. Its like when you play mcdonalds monopoly and you think you won, but then you turn it over, and theres an asterisk that says, winnings only available in states that begin with the letters x, y, or z. [ laughter ] not including fictional states such as xanadu except for zanzibar, which is real despite the fact that it sounds fake and winners must collect proceeds between the months of marchuary and augvember in the year of our lord 3,075 million unless congress votes. Then you can do whatever you want. [ laughter ] the courts liberals seemed furious at this ruling they wrote that the conservative majority attempts to insulate all alleged insurrectionists from future challenges to their holding federal office because we all know republicans in congress would never vote to disqualify a republican candidate who engaged in insurrection the courts conservatives essentially gave all future insurrectionists the green light to run for and hold Public Office which means its up to us, the voters, to stop them just like we did in 2020 2024 is the sequel its like too fast, too furious except its called too big to rig. [ laughter ] seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause well be right back with josh brolin, everybody [ cheers and applause announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. You love pizza just as much as we love pizza so were bringing you our favorite offer yet. For a limited time get a large, one topping pizza for 8. 99, only at papa johns. Better ingredients, better pizza. Out of the billions thatve walked this globe, here we stand, our spirits have been charged with being the pioneers of this new frontier, what a time to be alive. together is the best way to discover joy kinder joy, open a world of surprise [customer service rep] discover customer service, this is maya. Jennifer oh, hi maya. You robots are sounding more human every day [customer service rep] at discover, everyone can talk to a human representative. Jennifer alright, prove it. [customer service rep] wait, are you a robot . 24 7 u. S. Based customer service. Jennifer how would i prove that im not . Leftover chicken, scallions, cheese. What am i gonna make with this . Mayow mayo . Best foods . . You can talk . And then she says. Mayow. And boom best foods saves the leftovers. She cant spell. Mayow its mine and now our keynote speaker. Mayow pete. Is it serious . You lasted longer than most. Mayow [ cheers and applause seth give it up for the fantastic 8g band. [ cheers and applause sitting in with us this week, hes the drummer for dreamcar and legendary band no doubt. The band is celebrating tragic kingdoms 30th anniversary next year and will be performing for the first time in nine years at the coachella festival in april. Adrian young is here welcome to the show, adrian. Thanks for being here. [ cheers and applause thank you yeah seth were thrilled to have you. Our first guest tonight is an Academy Awardnominated actor you know from films such as no country for no men, inherent vice, and sicario. Hes hosting saturday night live this saturday, march 9th, with musical guest ariana grande, and hes also starring in dune part 2, which is in theaters and imax now. Lets take a look. How many men with you 200 200 do you realize what youre able to achieve with 200 men . Incredible fighters. Duncan said there were millions of them in the deep south yes. Well, what are you waiting for . With thousands of these guys, you could you take control of the entire planet. Its your fathers dream what are you afraid of seth please welcome back to the show our friend jo