Announcer tonight on late night with seth meyers john oliver, awardwinning sports announcer joe buck an allnew a closer look, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen and now, Seth Meyers Seth good evening im seth meyers and this is late night. Hows everybody doing tonight . Well, thats good to hear. Lets get to the news. President trump on tuesday granted a ceremonial thanksgiving pardon to a turkey named corn no such luck for the turkey named cohen. Following the news yesterday that the stock markets Dow Jones Industrial average hit an alltime high of 30 thousand points, President Trump interrupted a White House Press briefing to take credit for the milestone. Dude, its because youre leaving. Thats like Harvey Weinstein taking credit for how much safer everyone feels in hollywood now. According to a new poll, 60 of voters would support president elect joe biden canceling up to 50 thousand of Student Loan Debt per person perfect for everyone who went to nyu for a week president elect joe bidens Transition Team reportedly scheduled nearly 20 meetings with federal agencies the day after the gsa formally authorized a transition of power. Thats not a lot of the meetings, said a kid doing remote learning. The cdc is reportedly considering shortening the recommended amount of quarantine time for people who may have been exposed to the coronavirus in hopes that more people will follow its guidelines. So, now, i guess, well find out if the virus responds to haggling how about just the fever and no shortness of breath . According to the latest numbers, former president Barack Obamas new memoir, a promised land, has sold more than 17. 7 million copies in its first week after being released it was so successful that now trump is thinking of writing an obama memoir according to a new survey, men with smaller penises are more likely to get promoted at work that reminds me, give it up for my new head writer ian scollins thats right a new survey says men with smaller penises are more likely to get promoted at work while men with larger penises are more likely to work as cops, firemen, plumbers and pizza guys, often on the same day. And that was the monologue we got a great show for you tonight. Our friend, john oliver, will be here and seventime emmywinning sportscaster joe buck is also joining us but before we get to all that, president elect joe biden is moving ahead with the transition and announcing cabinet picks meanwhile, the outgoing president and his gang of very bad lawyers are laying the groundwork to spend four years baselessly claiming the election was stolen from him. For more on this, its time for a closer look. One thing we know for sure about donald trump is he will never unequivocally concede. He might not even leave the white house. Theyre either going to have to open the roof like a tuna can and scrape him out with a spoon or let him stay in the lincoln bedroom because his idea for a golfthemed beatles cover band, the fab four didnt work out donald, we have to leave. But im working on some new ones hold on. A hole in one donald how about this one cant find my ball if the band was going to take off, donald, it would have happened by now. A long and winding course that is a par four oh, i like that one, donald. But the way we know trump knows the end game is near is that with a few exceptions weve barely seen or heard from him. In fact, today trump called into a fake hearing Rudy Giuliani and Pennsylvania Republicans held in a Hotel Ballroom and one of his lawyers put him on speaker, held the phone up to the mic and let him ramble incoherently about overturning the election results. I really appreciate being asked to speak, and im in the oval office right now and its very interesting to see whats going on and this was an election that we won easily so, this was a, very sad to say it, this election was rigged, and we cant let that happen we cant let it happen for our country. And this election has to be turned around, because we won pennsylvania by a lot and we won all of these swing states by a lot. If you were a republican poll watcher, you were treated like a dog. Why wouldnt they overturn an election certainly overturn it in your state, because we have other states that are just as bad, and they talk about closedcircuit television, except you couldnt see it, because the picture was so unclear, you didnt even know what they were doing they could have been playing a baseball game. So, i really appreciate it, and the country appreciates it and we have to turn the election over seth now, ive definitely done that with my grandparents, just put them on speaker so you can wander away and do chores while they complain about the lawn Bowling League theyre in this is what its going to be like for every american whose family cant travel for thanksgiving, a threehour zoom call where you spend most of the time off screen, chugging wine, going, yeah so, the recliner came. Thats great. Also, you cant tell because hes wearing a mask, but thats actually Rudy Giuliani im just kidding rudy could wear a hundred masks and youd be able to tell it was him, you know, cause hes the only one leaking seriously, its hard to describe just how pathetic this is. Trumps begging them to overturn the results of an election, but just lazily calling in on a speakerphone usually, he at least wanders out to the white house lawn to bark at reporters like an auctioneer drunk on cough syrup but after he lost the election, reporters hadnt seen trump in what felt like a record amount of time. We have not heard from the president on this. We havent heard from him at all. He hasnt taken our questions in over two weeks seth and while it didnt solve any of the problems that are engrained in our society, it was such a relief not to hear his voice. For a moment there, the whole country felt like that moment when the guy jackhammering outside your apartment all morning long finally takes a coffee break you can hear the birds again cause you can mute trump on twitter, but you cant avoid every screen on earth. Even with the sound off, watching trump was stressful its like when you see two cab drivers pulled over in the middle of the road doing this. Even without words, you know theyre not inviting each other over for thanksgiving. You bring the yams, ass [ bleep ] and you bring the stuffing, moron ill see you on thursday. Now [ bleep ] off but two weeks, two weeks for a man who clearly loves talking to cameras. I mean, whats going on . Im guessing someone has to crack open his bedroom door every day at 2 00 in the afternoon and say to a lump of blankets, mr. President , mr. President , do you want to talk to the American People today . No. We think it would be a good idea. Is covid cured . No, no, not yet. Did we win michigan . No, we lost it again today. Yeah. Maybe well win it tomorrow. Hey, can i ask you something . Sure, mr. President. Is rudy a bad lawyer . Yeah, yeah, we think so. Yeah, i think so, too. But then yesterday, the dow climbed over 30 thousand for the first time ever, which was enough for trump to throw off the duvet, pull on some pants and give a weird and totally unprompted press conference that seemed to be about nothing in particular and lasted almost exactly one minute well, thank you very much i just want to congratulate everybody. The stock market, Dow Jones Industrial average just hit 30 thousand, which is the highest in history weve never broken 30 thousand never been broken, that number thats a sacred number, 30 thousand. Nobody thought theyd ever see it and i just want to congratulate all the people within the administration that work so hard and most importantly, i want to congratulate the people of our country, because there are no people like you. Thank you very much, everybody thank you. Seth look, i know it doesnt really matter and will be forgotten immediately, but nothing hammers home the altar donald trump prays to more than him referring to the dow hitting 30 thousand as a sacred number in fact, it reminds me of my favorite hymn money money money money money still, it was so strange to see a guy that longwinded and selfobsessed keep his comments that brief that would be like turning to your uncle at thanksgiving and saying, paul, do you have anything to add about paper straws or gender pronouns . And paul says, id only like to say, this turkey is the bomb, and then you all say thanks for the fact that uncle paul finally discovered cbd gummies trump just wandered in, rambled for a minute about random stuff thats just in the news, congratulated the American People for something, and then left i guess that was his on to cincinnati moment. Trumps going to start wandering around the white house lawn in a sleeveless hoodie. But i guess thats the closest were going to get, not a concession, but a cessation of whining. The General Services administration has finally allowed the transition to move forward, and the white house has finally allowed biden to start receiving the president ial daily brief. It really feels like, in his enlarged heart, trump knows this is over, but that doesnt mean hell stop claiming it was rigged and stolen from him him and his allies, theyre trying to create a mythology for their supporters, an election trutherism that will animate their base and become canon on fox news and in the rightwing cinematic universe for years to come for example, an arizona congressman named paul gosar tweeted this week, the America First agenda is just in its infancy. There are 75 million of us also, did you know some japanese soldiers kept fighting for decades after the war . Oh, and i guess they eventually won . And thats why we all speak japanese and have beautiful gardens . Cool trivia, though. Is your social media manager the kid from Jerry Maguire there are 75 million of us also, did you know the human head weighs eight pounds incidentally, thats the guy, gosar, whose siblings appeared in a campaign ad for his democratic opponent, not just one or two of them, six of his siblings thats like if my whole family went on James Cordens thanksgiving show, which is not going to happen, dad you have a contract. Thats right, six of gosars siblings said to vote for his opponent if that happened to me, not only would i get out of politics, i would get out of the country, id move to some small island where no one has televisions, or electricity, or has ever heard of me. And even then, id probably end up getting killed by a 7yearold japanese soldier who didnt know the war was over this is basically the same scam trump and his gang of racist liars pulled with birtherism for example, trump keeps promising that this scoobydoo villain reunion is turning up evidence that will prove the election was rigged. The president again tweeted, massive voter fraud will be shown. Big voter fraud information coming out concerning georgia. Stay tuned. Why is joe biden so quickly forming a cabinet when my investigators have found hundreds of thousands of fraudulent votes, enough to flip at least four states our big lawsuit, which spells out in great detail all of the ballot fraud and more, will soon be filed rigged election. Seth wait, your big lawsuit hasnt been filed yet . Then what were all those other lawsuits, practice just working out the kinks. Now remind me, who am i supposed to be talking to, the guy in the robe or the guy in the hallway with the mop . Generally speaking, if youre alleging a massive, unprecedented, coordinated plan to rig a National Election and you have the evidence to prove it, you dont file a bunch of fake lawsuits and then wait three weeks to file your big one. Hes treating court cases the way fred sanford treated heart attacks. For the kids you throw in oneoke jr the kids also, as you heard there, trump claimed his, quote, investigators, have found hundreds of thousands of fraudulent votes and that he will soon be presenting that information to the world, which is exactly the same e helised for years during his racist birther crusade. He may not have been born in this country, and ill tell you what, three weeks ago, i thought he wasorn b this country. Right now, i have some real doubts people that actually have been studying it, and they cannot believe what theyre finding. You have people now down there searching, i mean, in hawaii absolutely. And they cannot believe what theyre finding. Of course, the least believable part is that trump would pay for anyone to fly to hawaii and if he did, i bet there were a ton of connections on that itinerary. Okay, i need you get to hawaii asap no, youll be taking a southwest flight to baltimore out of islip, from there its a bus to dulles and this is important, on that next flight, one of you has to pretend to be under two. I dont know how youre the investigators dont you have disguises . Trumps election trutherism is very much like his birtherism, an insane Conspiracy Theory thats also a scam to animate his base one of trumps sort of lawyers, Sidney Powell, is still claiming the late venezuelan president hugo chavez teamed up with the cia, the republican governor of georgia and a Voting Software company to steal the election as part of a vast plot to spread communism across the world what we are really dealing with here and uncovering more by the day is the massive influence of communist money through venezuela, cuba, and likely, china, in the interference with our elections here in the united states. Georgias probably going to be the first state im going to blow up, and mr. Kemp and the secretary of state need to go with it, because theyre in on the dominion scam. Hopefully, this week, we will get it ready to file sidney, whats and it will be biblical seth of course, its only biblical if the number of votes passes the sacred number of 30 thousand this is an idea so psychotic, even fox news wouldnt take it seriously, despite the fact that by their own admission, they were eager to believe it we invited Sidney Powell on this show. We would have given her the whole hour we would have given her the entire week, actually, and listened quietly the whole time at rapt attention. Thats a big story, but she never sent us any evidence, despite a lot of requests, polite requests. Not a page when we kept pressing, she got angry and told us to stop contacting her seth im guessing thats not the first time Sidney Powell has told someone to stop contacting her. I dont have any dalmatians, certainly not 101 of them. Now stop contacting me. Also, think about how nuts this scheme is for it to be too crazy for Tucker Carlson, the guy who, just like three weeks ago, called joe biden a hologram. Turns out, hes not, which is a bummer, because i was really looking forward to his appearance with the tupac hologram at next years coachella. But even after tucker went on his own show and said trumps lawyers couldnt provide a shred of proof for their unhinged Conspiracy Theory, fox news has continued repeating vague insinuations that the election was somehow rigged, even when they admit that joe biden won and will be the next president legal challenges continue in a number of states serious questions about vote counting, poll watcher access are outstanding. But unless the legal situation changes in a dramatic, and frankly, an unlikely manner, joe biden will be inaugurated on january 20th now, to say this does not mean i dont think that this election was rife with problems and potential fraud. I think whenever you look at this election, its become very clear to people that something is very, very wrong here people feel like something is really off with this election. We are far from done with this election the 2020 president ial election was not fair. No honest person would claim that it was fair seth but tucker, you, yourself, tried to get the evidence that it was rigged, and the person claiming to have the evidence wouldnt give it to you. All you did was ask her for proof and beg her to come on your show, and she basically filed a restraining order against you. Sidney powell treated Tucker Carlson the way you treat an ex. Keeps trying to contact you through your friends stop texting becka and jenny about my new boyfriend and stop asking me for evidence of voter fraud. The cognitive dissonance these people are capable of is truly astonishing. Theyre like scientologists. Ive eliminated all suppressive persons from my life but if youre suppressing people from your life, doesnt that make you a suppressive person . Wow, youre being a real suppressive person right now. But this is what they want they dont actually want real proof because it doesnt exist, just like trump didnt actually want real proof that Barack Obamas birth certificate was fraud, because it obviously wasnt they want to manufacture an insane Conspiracy Theory and a virulent strain of election trutherism that will exist on fox news and in rightwing facebook groups for years to come so they can galvanize their base by claiming the election was stolen from them, and that in their unhinged world view is actually trump, who won 270 electoral votes, which is, of course the sacred number seth this has been a closer look. Well be right back with john oliver hi, buddy seth hey, baby brother you know, im so sad we cant be together for the holidays this year what are you talking about . Im right there. Seth oh whats happening its okay its heinekens bestie gift ever seth whats that its a way to send your best friends the best gift ever, yourself, and a sixpack of Heineken Seth thats fantastic, but wait, you get the sixpack yours is right behind you seth oh stop doing that i just sent them. Your crew must have set them up like that. Seth well, i dont care who set them up. I just want it to stop okay, relax have a heineken. Seth you know what, i shouldnt be surprised by this anymore, but you really do have some festive clothes those arent mine you just add those with filters. Seth filters i dont understand well, thats cause youre old. Its easy. Just go to bestiegiftever. Com. Seth yeah . Theyre actually